


Persephone

by sunflowerb



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Eventual Sexual Content, F/M, because apparently i hate myself, multichap, sorta think medieval bonnie and clyde...with dragons, swiggity swayoo i'm doing a sacrifice au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 194,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2417636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerb/pseuds/sunflowerb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was meant to be the price for peace; her life in exchange for the mysterious Dragon Master's mercy.</p>
<p>Her captor wasn't supposed to be a ghost from her past, and she wasn't supposed to become his ally...or his lover. And when news spreads of a blonde-haired girl at the Dragon Master's side, there will be repercussions for dragons and Vikings alike.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Chief Protects His Own

**Author's Note:**

> Here it be, my take on the Astrid-virgin-sacrifice idea begun by hiilikedragons on tumblr. After her initial post I was overcome by this epic idea of a fic and asked her how cool she'd be with my writing it. She gave her blessing on my running with my own take on the sacrifice au thing, so here it is.
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT THING: I started writing this after her initial post. The vast majority of the next few chapters were written after that first post, but BEFORE she continued the story. Any similarities between this story and anything that happens in Cat's subsequent updates are purely coincidental. I make this point because I already had a few chapters written when I read her updates and...well, there might be a couple similiarities. It freaked me out a little, to be honest, and I've tried to revise a bit to preserve the originality of both fics, without losing where I want this fic to go. Our stories might start in similar places, but they are likely going in very, very different directions. I'm most interested in where things go between Hiccup and Astrid, what changes for her after she's taken, and the repercussions all of this has on Berk. And without spoiling my entire story, I'm kinda thinking medieval Bonnie and Clyde. With dragons. And added mega-angst.
> 
> This story is going to be dark. And it's rated M for multiple reasons, one of which is eventual sexual content. 
> 
> I have about 6 chapters already written, and I'm thinking right now that for the first few chapters, while I'm setting up the main story, updates will be on Mondays and Thursdays. After I've got things set up updates will likely change to be once a week, because I cannot expect myself to be more productive than that, although if I end up able to crank things out more quickly then I'll update more frequently.
> 
> Story title comes from my favorite Greek myth; if you're at all familiar with it you should have an idea of why I chose it.
> 
> Enough rambling. On with the show.

She was not afraid. She was fearless. She was _not_ afraid. She would face this as bravely as she had ever faced anything else.

She was lying.

Her blood buzzed with adrenaline and fear; the pounding in her ears dimmed the cacophony around her. Outside the air was filled with roars and shouts, and on any other night she would have joined them; adding her battle cry to the noise as she swung her axe at the beasts swooping down on her village. Inside the house things were no quieter; her mother was sobbing again while her father rambled on about ‘three times her mundr’ and ‘never would have married’ and ‘would’ve gotten herself killed’, less to convince her mother and more to absolve himself of his own guilt. Her little sister kept tugging at the hem of her gown and whining about not being allowed to go to her wedding, and though she was the only person in the room Astrid felt the slightest bit of sympathy for, she would not spare her parents the uncomfortable duty of explaining to the little girl what happened to their eldest daughter.

Ruffnut was the only one who hadn’t said anything yet, and Astrid would’ve liked to think it was because she knew her well enough not to bother trying to apologize.

“You’re so stupid, you know,” she said finally, and Astrid glared at her. Ruffnut didn’t look at her. “You should have just married Tuff when he asked. I mean I kinda get not wanting to be crushed under Fishlegs every night but Tuff wouldn’t have been that bad. He’d be an idiot but you could boss him around, and we’d be sisters.” Astrid didn’t answer and eventually Ruffnut glanced at her out of the corner of her eye.  “I mean even if it sucked it couldn’t be worse than _this_.”

Astrid’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me if I ignore _your_ life advice, _Mrs. Jorgenson_.”

They heard something exploding in the distance.

“Do you mind if I name it after you? If it’s a girl?” Ruffnut rested a hand on the pronounced swell of her stomach.

Astrid smirked at her. “Only if you promise that if it’s a boy you’ll name it after his real father. What was that sailor’s name again?”

Ruffnut’s lip curled upwards. “Never caught it. You know it could be Snot’s though. He’s not that bad in bed. I mean he’s not great either, but he gets the job done.”

“Clearly.”

They shared a brief, genuine smile, and then Ruffnut was looking sad again.

“I’m gonna miss you. They’re all idiots for doing this. You’re one of the best fighters we’ve got.” She gave Astrid a serious look. “You could still run,” she said softly. “I could distract them, you could run out the back--”

“They’d just pick someone else,” Astrid interrupted. “Probably one of the younger girls. I at least stand a chance of killing the bastard.” Suddenly Ruffnut’s arms were around her.

“You give him hel, sister,” she whispered, sniffling.

Astrid resisted the urge to shrug her off. She didn’t like this whole ‘saying goodbye’ business. It was too real a reminder of what was about to happen. “Gods, you’re so emotional since you got knocked up,” she snipped, though she said it with a small smile. Ruffnut’s retort was cut off as the sound of a horn blast filled the air. The room stilled.

“He’s been sighted,” Astrid muttered. Her mother sobbed harder and her father looked at her, his eyebrows drawn together.

“It’s time,” he said weakly. Astrid stood and moved towards the door.

She was past fighting.

She’d moved through four out of five stages of grief in the space of two hours when they first told her. She’d shook her head at them, staring wide-eyed at Stoick from where he stood in front of their hearth. _This is insane. Dad, you’re not gonna let them do this to me. Tell him! Dad, tell him!_

When it became clear that her father would not save her, she’d started screaming. She begged and pleaded, on her knees and in tears in front of her father, imploring him to save her. She had grown up the apple of her father’s eye. He’d been the first one to teach her to swing an axe. She couldn’t believe that he would not fight this. That he would not fight to save her. But the empty, resigned look in his eyes had broken her heart more than anything else. She was terrified of what would happen to her, but nothing hurt more than the betrayal. The village was one thing. But her parents? Her mother and father handing her over for some livestock and a handful of gold as if she was nothing but an object to be sold? That’s what had kept her awake for hours afterward, crying alone in the locked room they’d put her in until it was time for her to be sent to her death. She never quite reached the point of accepting her fate, but eventually she was so overwhelmed with scorn for every other living soul in her village that she just went numb.

She made no move to reciprocate when her father wrapped his arms around her. “Astrid, I’m sorry, darling, I’m so sorry.”

_Dad, you can’t let them do this to me! You can’t! You **can’t!** Daddy, please, please! **Daddy!**_

“Stoick offered you three times what you would have gotten for my mundr. How could you possibly refuse?” she said dryly. Behind her she heard her mother wail and reach for her, but Astrid ripped her arm away. She spared them no further glance as the door opened and she stepped outside. They had sold her to her death, and she would not let them think for a moment that they had her forgiveness.

Houses were already on fire. She could hear the panicked cries of animals being carried away. In the center of town stood the chief, framed by flaming pillars and holding a white flag aloft. Her heart beat faster. She looked up. He had to be up there, they wouldn’t have sounded the horn otherwise.

“There! It’s got my yak, hurry, pull it back!” She turned towards the shouting, where several men were trying to pull the arm of a catapult into place. She knew what was going to happen just seconds before she heard the whistling.

“Night Fury!” There was a shadow and a flash of purple light before the catapult exploded into flames. Everyone around her ducked but Astrid kept her eyes on the briefly illuminated shadow as it winged its way back into the sky. In the firelight she saw him: the dark figure on the dragon’s back as it soared back into the blackness of the sky.

Reality washed over her like the waves of heat from the explosion and she panicked.

Astrid grabbed up her skirts and ran.

“Stop her!” Strong arms grabbed at her elbows and she was yanked backwards. She shrieked, all thoughts of maintaining her dignity, of silently judging them as they sent her to her death abandoned in the face of her fear. She was spun around and saw Spitelout shouting to his son to bring rope while he dragged her back to the center of the village.

“Dragon Master!” Stoick was shouting. “We have a bargain to strike with you! Come down and treat with us!”

Snotlout wouldn’t meet her glare as he bound her hands. Like many in the gathered crowd he at least had the shame to look guilty. Spitelout held her by her arms and pushed her towards Stoick before shoving her to the ground at his feet.

Astrid struggled to breathe. The bodice of her dress felt too tight. The ropes bit into her hands and the bridal crown seemed to dig into her scalp. She couldn’t do this. Oh gods, she couldn’t do this.

“I couldn’t have saved him,” she said, her voice shaking. Stoick looked down to meet her eyes. “You know that. You know I couldn’t have saved him.” Her bottom lip trembled. “I know that’s why you chose me but you have to know that! I tried to help him but he wouldn’t let me! He died saving me, he died a hero, why can’t you just accept that?!”

The chief said nothing. He simply gave her the same cold glare he’d been giving her for four years and looked back to the sky.

“DRAGON MASTER!” he roared, and Astrid stifled a sob. She could hear her mother wailing.

Suddenly there were gasps and mutters in the crowd and she looked up in time to see the inhabitant of her darkest nightmares land before them.

She could still remember clearly the first time she’d seen him. It had been two and half, maybe three years ago. It had taken them a long time after Hiccup’s death to convince Stoick to allow Dragon Training’s runner-up to claim her prize. The Monstrous Nightmare had been Hiccup’s to kill, and Stoick saw no reason to give that right to anyone else. Especially to her.

 _“You couldn’t kill a dragon when it mattered,”_ he’d said to her, _“Why should I let you kill one for sport?”_

But finally Gobber and Gothi had convinced him, and he’d relented. Astrid had stepped into the arena, her axe by her side, ready to prove herself worthy where she had failed before. The gates had been raised, the beast had burst forth, she lifted her axe, and then they heard the screaming of the building blast.

Even in broad daylight they had moved so quickly that no one had seen them approach. Suddenly there was a black shape in the sky, and the next second it had blown a hole in the roof of the arena and were standing in the center of it, in between Astrid and the dragon.

They looked much the same now as they had then. The dragon was smaller than most breeds, but smarter and fiercer. The Night Fury moved quickly and fired accurately and never left his rider unprotected. The rider himself was similarly unintimidating in stature, but no less deadly. He was tall and lean, clad in black leather armor and a helmet that masked his face. He’d stood before the Monstrous Nightmare that day while the entire village looked on, too enraptured and confused to move. He had approached it and stroked its snout, and after a moment lifted his hand and waved it around the arena before snapping his fingers at the Night Fury. The horrified calm dissolved instantly as the two dragons turned and fired at the gates of the other dungeons. Astrid rushed forward, her axe in the air while Vikings poured into the arena, but it was too late. The Zipplebacks, the Nadder, the Gronkle, even the Terrors, were loose and the rider was climbing onto his dragon. He held a strange sort of sword aloft and the Fury blasted a hole in the roof of the arena. Warriors were running torwards him but the Night Fury knocked them off their feet with a sweep of his long tail while the freed dragons took to the air. It wasn’t until the mysterious rider and his dragon had shot into the sky that Astrid realized that it had been several minutes since she’d moved.

She wasn’t sure if it was the same one. She never had been. She hadn’t gotten a close enough look at the time; and had never gotten a very close look since. But Night Furies were, as far as they knew, exceedingly rare, and something about the look in those huge green eyes every time they looked at her made her think that yes, it had to be the same one. She wanted to be the one to kill it; to make it pay for what it had done to Hiccup, but whenever she saw it her breath froze with fear, and all she could remember was the terror she’d felt that day in the cove and how she’d failed to save him.

If it were any other dragon she could have faced this fate with more courage, but this one shook her to her core.

“Dragon Master,” Stoick was saying, stepping forward and laying down the flag. “Your beasts have ravaged our village long enough.” The rider said nothing. He never said anything. His head was tilted down as if he was watching them from atop his dragon, but there was dark cloth behind the eye slits of his mask, so they could only guess that he was actually paying attention. “We wish to put an end to it. You’ve made it clear you have no interest in treasure or food or material goods, but there’s one thing all men have an interest in.”

Astrid whimpered as Stoick yanked her up by the elbow and shoved her to the ground closer to the rider. The figure made no move, as if waiting for something. “She’s pure,” Stoick added, a hint of desperation in his voice. “A virgin. Untouched and yours to do with as you please, if only you and your dragons will leave Berk in peace.”

Astrid watched with bated breath as the rider regarded them all silently and unmoving for a minute more. Finally, slowly, he slid off his dragon. A sob shook her and her head fell. She kept her eyes down as he approached. Her breath came in uneven pants as she watched his feet move towards her. His gloved hand pinched her chin and she stifled a gasp as he jerked her face up. The firelight hit his mask at just the right angle, and softly illuminated the face behind the black fabric. Her breath caught in her throat.

They had all long wondered about the mysterious dragon master. They had first seen him three years ago, but dragons, Night Furies included, had been attacking Berk for centuries, and who was to say that he had not been with them all that time. Was he a man or a demon or something in between?

But dimly behind the mask Astrid could make out a pair of eyes. A very human pair of eyes. They were narrowed at first, but as she stared into them she saw them widen slightly, the lines of tension around them fading, and she was shocked to see them stare at her with something almost like longing, and then, pity.

The moment was over almost as soon as it had begun. His eyes narrowed into a glare that shifted to the side, away from her and towards Stoick, and he released her chin and stood. Astrid released a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding as he turned and walked back to his dragon.

He was refusing her. Oh merciful gods above, he was refusing her.

She looked up to see Stoick’s crestfallen face as the rider climbed onto his dragon. “What did I tell you, Stoick,” she heard Spitelout yell. “He’s no man, we can’t tempt him with the things of men. He’s a demon! He wants destruction and death! Well, I say if it’s blood he wants,” he drew a dagger from his belt. “It’s blood we give him.” Astrid barely had time to scream before Spitelout was at her side.

“No!” Stoick shouted, his hand reaching towards her. Spitelout had just grabbed her braid and yanked back her head, exposing her throat, when the Night Fury roared, and rider and dragon lunged forward. They had moved barely a few yards, but it was enough to send Spitelout and Stoick back towards the crowd. The dragon’s teeth were bared and his wings raised in warning.

Astrid tried to raise herself to her feet to make a run for it in the midst of the chaos but her legs wouldn’t seem to move. She sat rooted to the spot while the rider again dismounted his dragon and stalked forward. He reached down and grasped her arm, more gently than she expected and far more gently than anyone else had that night, and pulled her up. She tripped over her own feet, her head shaking and tears starting to blur her vision as he pulled her towards the dragon. She heard her mother’s screams and looked behind her at the stunned crowd. They all looked afraid, and most of them looked at least mildly apologetic. But not one of them stepped forward to save her.

The dragon crouched low and she was lifted with surprising delicacy onto the saddle. Her skirts were wide, but not so wide that they didn’t ride up and reveal a good portion of her lower leg when she slid onto the saddle. The rider climbed on behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist. She whimpered at his warmth at her back. He leaned forward, pushing her with him, as the dragon’s wings raised. She had a split second to realize what was happening before they were in the air.

Astrid screamed. She leaned forward and flattened herself against the dragons back, her bound hands gripping at the lip of the saddle while the rider’s arm dug into her stomach. The air rushed past her and her stomach lurched as she felt them climbing higher and higher. Finally they leveled out and she chanced a glance to the side.

She saw clouds beneath them and the ocean miles and miles below. She screamed and buried her face in the saddle. The arm across her stomach moved up her ribcage and jerked her back up until she was pressed against the rider’s chest again. She choked back a sob and stared with wide eyes at the world far, far, _far_ below. Even if she could wrestle free a fall from this height would definitely kill her, and they were so far up that even if she fell he would easily have time to catch her.

The air was freezing, but the heat of the rider’s chest was no comfort to her. If anything, it was a reminder of what might happen once they were on land again. After all, she had seen now that he was no demon, but just a man, and therefore susceptible to the same desires of any other man. And he had looked at her with such longing.

She drew a shuddering breath and closed her eyes, the sheer height starting to make her feel dizzy.

“You need to breathe normally.” She gasped and her eyes shot to the masked face beside hers. She’d never heard him speak before.

“W-what?”

“Stop hyperventilating,” he said, and she was surprised at the normalcy of his voice. Given his appearance she would have expected something low and growling; something that sounded as dangerous as he looked. Instead the voice from the mask was a dry baritone, and sounded younger than she would have guessed. “The air is much thinner up here. If you keep breathing fast like that you’re going to pass out.” She stared. “Although if you do pass out then you’ll start breathing normally anyway, so you’re welcome to go that route if you want.”

She did not find it any easier to breathe normally. She opened her mouth to speak but they suddenly lurched sideways and she screamed. The dragon beneath her pumped his wings and they rose a little higher. She gripped the arm that held her so tightly that her fingers dug into the leather arm guards. The rider sighed.

“Calm down, I’m not gonna let you fall. We just hit a patch of rough air. And I’m serious about that breathing thing.”

“Who are you?” Astrid managed to demand, her voice still shaking and her breaths still coming in pants despite her efforts to calm them. “Where are you taking me?  You didn’t want me at first but then you changed your mind. What are going to do with me? Because I know what they offered me up for, but I didn’t agree to this, so if you think you’re going to have an easy time with me then--”

“You know what, never mind about the breathing thing, just keep babbling until you pass out. I won’t have to listen to you _or_ deal with your squirming.” Astrid stopped talking. She felt dizzy and her head was spinning, but the sarcasm in the rider’s voice struck her as familiar as it did odd.

“If you don’t want me talking then just answer my,” she swayed, “answer my questions. Are you gonna leave Berk alone now?” She looked down and gasped as the shock of the height jolted through her again.

There was a grumble from the dragon that almost sounded annoyed, and then she heard an exasperated sigh from the rider behind her.

“Okay, that’s it. Look, I’m really sorry about this.” Astrid was breathing heavily again, her eyes riveted to the clouds far below them.

“Sorry about wh--”

There was a sharp blow to the back of her head, and then nothing.

Xx

She awoke to darkness.

The back of her head hurt from where she’d been hit, and her hands were numb. They were still bound, and as she came around she realized that they were tied to something. She couldn’t see, and it took her a moment to realize it was because she was blindfolded. She felt at the rope and followed it to a stalagmite. No, stalactite. No, both. The rope was tied around a stone column. She tried to stand but the rope was tied too low and she fell back to her knees again. The stone was cold beneath her.

“Hello?” she called, her voice echoing back to her through the silence. She was in some sort of cave, she guessed. “Are you there?” She took a shaky breath. “Where am I? What are you going to do to me?” She was met with more silence. Perhaps he had left her there. He had initially refused her, maybe he had simply left her in a cave somewhere. But then, why the blindfold and the ropes?

Astrid clenched and unclenched her hands, trying to force feeling back into them. She could feel the knots that tied her to the rocky column; perhaps she could loosen them before he came back. There was a clicking noise behind her and she spun around. There was a strange noise and then light warmed her vision. She still couldn’t see clearly but it was enough to tell her that she wasn’t alone.

“Hello?” she tried again, and heard footsteps echoing towards her. She scooted backwards until she was flush against the rocky cropping behind her. “What do you want with me? Why did you blindfold me?”

“Because the mask gets itchy.” Again, there was that strange sense of familiarity to the voice, though she couldn’t imagine why, and again the casual way in which he spoke struck her as odd. “And I haven’t decided what I’m going to do with you yet.” He sounded close and growing closer. There was a scuffling and she guessed he had sat down in front of her. Astrid whimpered and drew closer to the rock.

“Well whatever you think you’re going to do, you should know that I’m one of the best warriors of my generation, so if you think you can just--”

She heard that exasperated sigh again.

“I _meant_ , I don’t know if I’m going to keep you here or take you back. I’ve already ruled out rape and murder, so you can stop panicking.”

Astrid straightened her shoulders, trying to hide her terror behind bravado. “Well if you think I’m going to give myself to you willingly, you can rule that out too.”

“Yeah, I kind of gathered from how terrified you looked that you didn’t exactly volunteer for this. Which leads to my first question: what exactly was that whole thing? So far I’m getting ‘virgin sacrifice’, but why?”

“If you don’t want me then why don’t you just take me back?”

“Answer my questions and maybe I will. Why were you being sacrificed?”

There was something calm, almost kind, about his tone. Astrid swallowed. “To get you to leave us alone.”

“You might have noticed that the dragons don’t exactly scoop up pretty young maidens. They tend to prefer sheep. Why did your village think offering up a virgin was going to make a difference?”

Astrid shrugged. He said he wasn’t interested in hurting her, but she felt no reason to trust him. “Desperation. You control the dragons. They thought if they gave you something else to occupy your time with then you wouldn’t keep attacking us.”

She heard bitter, surprised laughter. “Unbelievable. So much for a chief protecting his own.” Something about the phrase rang familiar, though she couldn’t place why. “Why you?”

Astrid shifted. “What do you mean why me?”

“Why did they pick you?”

She frowned. “Why not me? I am not pretty enough to be offered up as a sex slave or something?”

“You said yourself that you’re one of the best warriors of your generation. Why would they give that up? I mean you can’t be the only virgin left on Berk.”

“All the others are either married or engaged. I refused every suitor I’ve had, so I was their only option.”

“No, no, no, I don’t believe that. Every other girl of marriageable age may have been married off, but there are girls younger than you who can’t have been engaged yet. If they were going for the whole young and pure virgin deal it makes more sense for them to pick someone younger. You’re nearly twenty; you’re practically an old maid by their standards. And I’m not saying you’re lying, but at your age ‘unmarried’ doesn’t even necessarily mean ‘virgin.’ If the whole selling point is virginal I’d think they would want to offer up some fourteen or fifteen year old maid who’s never even touched herself, let alone been touched by anyone else.”

Astrid’s cheeks burned and behind the blindfold she glared. “I am _not_ lying about my virginity.”

“But why you?”

She scowled. “Why does this matter so much?”

“Because it does,” he said calmly. “Why you?”

She remained silent for a moment more before she slumped against the rocks behind her. “The chief has something of a vendetta against me.”

“Why?” he sounded surprised.

“He blames me for his son’s death.”

There was silence for a long moment, and then quietly her captor asked, “Why would he blame you for that?”

She swallowed thickly. She didn’t like thinking about that day. “I couldn’t save him. We were a couple of kids up against a dragon. A Night Fury, like yours. It might even be yours, I’ve never been able to tell. He tried to save me, I survived, but he…it ate him. The chief has never forgiven me.”

There was silence for so long she began to wonder if he’d left her. His reply was so soft she could barely hear it. “My dragon didn’t eat your chief’s son.”

She frowned again. “Well _a_ dragon ate him.”

“Dragons don’t eat people.”

She wished she could see him. Wished he could see _her._ She wanted this stranger to see the fury on her face. “This one did. I saw it happen. It killed him. It ate him. There was nothing left.” She rubbed the side of her head against her arm, trying to push the blindfold away from her eyes. She felt her hair snag on something and pull. She yelped, and then felt calloused fingers against the side of her face. She screamed.

“Calm down, Astrid, I’m just getting your hair untangled from your crown before you yank it out.”

“I don’t need help from you!”

Astrid froze.

“How do you know my name?” He’d known her age, too, now that she thought of it. He hadn’t said it like a guess, he’d said it like he knew. The fingers pulling hair away from her crown stopped. She heard a sigh and suddenly she felt him tugging at the knot of the blindfold.

“The same way I know you didn’t watch your chief’s son get eaten by a dragon.”

The blindfold fell away and she blinked until her eyes adjusted to the light, then looked up, fully intending to glare at her captor. Instead she gasped.

Four years had changed him; his face was longer and thinner, his jaw more chiseled and sprinkled with scruffy stubble, but something about his eyes, the same and yet so different from how she remembered them, and the freckles scattered across his face…he looked so different and yet instantly she knew. His face had haunted her dreams for four years. Even four years older she recognized it. The scar on his chin that she’d always wondered how he got; the perfect triangle of freckles near his lips that she’d noticed the day she looked at him and had the absurd thought that he might be nice to kiss. Those green green eyes she’d watched narrow in determination before he told her to run; to get help; to save herself… to leave him to die.

Astrid would forever deny what happened next, forever claim it was still from the lack of air when they’d been flying. It was a stupid, girly, weak action, and she would never admit to doing it.

She swooned, right into Hiccup’s very-much-alive arms.

Xx

 _“Hiccup, are you out of your mind?! That’s a Night Fury! An actual, real live_ Night Fury! _You can’t go up against something like that!”_

_“Neither can you, Astrid!”_

_“I stand a better chance than you! Just give me my axe back! I’ll distract it, and you make a run for it.”_

_“No! Astrid,_ I’ll _distract it, you run. I’ll follow.”_

_There was a roar from the other side of the rocks they cowered behind._

_“Hiccup, no, you’re the future chief, I should be protecting you!”_

_He yanked her axe out of her hands._

_“I am the future chief,” he said, a hard look in his eyes. “And my father always says that a chief protects his own. So go.”_

_“Hiccup--”_

_“I said go!” His tone brokered no argument._

_They leapt out from behind the rock. The dragon immediately locked onto her and bared his teeth. Hiccup threw a rock that hit the side of its face and it turned to look at him._

_“Over here, you big ugly demon beast!”_

_Astrid ran. She stopped by the exit to the cove. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t leave him._

_She turned and bolted towards where the dragon was bearing down on Hiccup. He could barely even lift her axe; he’d let it fall to the ground._

_“Hiccup!” At her shout the dragon had turned its huge green eyes on her again. It roared and advanced on her._

_“Astrid, no!” She lifted a fallen branch to swing at the dragon when Hiccup hurled himself at her. He shoved her out of the way, behind the rocks they’d been using for cover. She heard another roar and Hiccup’s shout just before her head hit the rock wall and everything went dark._

_When she came to the cove was empty. The handle of her axe was broken in half, hopelessly splintered, and part of the blade was melted. There were scorch marks along the ground and the wall._

_There was no sign of the dragon, and more importantly, there was no sign of Hiccup._

Xx


	2. The Boy with the Dragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter begins what I have come to call "The Great Viking Sass-off", wherein Hiccup and Astrid compete to be the sassiest sassmaster of this fic.

The light was brighter when she came around this time.

She opened her eyes to see two large green eyes staring her in the face. She shrieked and scrambled backwards, only to collide with something warm and solid. She screamed again and spun around to see Hiccup staring at her. He grabbed her arms.

“Calm down, calm down, you’re fine,” he said, holding her still. Astrid looked behind her. The dragon was watching her. “Give her some space, bud, you’re scaring her.”

“What?” Astrid asked, her eyes glued to the dragon as he backed away from them.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Hiccup said. Gods, his voice hadn’t changed much at all. She wondered how she hadn’t recognized it immediately.

Well, other than the obvious reason that he was supposed to be _dead._

She realized suddenly just how close they were. She had practically crawled into his lap to get away from the dragon, and he still had his arms around her shoulders while her hands gripped his shirt. She let go and shuffled away from him, into the rock column she’d been tied to earlier. He had cut that rope, but her hands were still bound together. She stared at him.

“Hiccup,” she finally said weakly. “You died.”

He sat back on one leg, his arms wrapped around the other bent in front of him. She noticed he’d removed his armor. “Except I didn’t. I’d apologize for the disappointment but, you know, I’m me. I can always be relied upon to disappoint.”

She continued to stare at him. Somewhere in the back of her mind it registered that he had actually ended up kind of attractive. “But you died. You got eaten by a dragon! I _saw_ you!”

“You saw me go up against a dragon, you didn’t see me get eaten. You got knocked out. Sorry about that, by the way. For both times. Back then and on the flight over. But I had to make sure you got out of the way, and then you were freaking out and starting to bother Toothless, and you were squirming so much I was worried you were going to fall out of the saddle. If you didn’t hyperventilate yourself unconscious first.”

“But-but,” she spluttered. “I saw you go up against a _dragon_.”

He nodded. “A Night Fury, to be exact.” He jerked his head to her right, and she looked over at the dragon who was watching them from afar. Its pupils were no longer the slits she was used to seeing, but wide and square. It looked much less intimidating like that.

“It’s the same one,” she whispered. “I knew it. The way it always looked at me…” The dragon cocked his head at her. “It didn’t kill you.”

“Of course not.” She looked back at Hiccup in time to see him getting up and walking to the dragon. It started wiggling its tail as he approached and when Hiccup ran a hand over its head it opened its mouth in a gummy smile. _Toothless_. “He was never gonna hurt me. You freaked him out, and I knew it was gonna be easier to calm him down if I got you out of that cove first. I couldn’t risk you telling the village about him.” Hiccup wrapped his arms around the dragon’s head and it nuzzled close to him with a happy rumble.

“You weren’t protecting me from him,” she said slowly. “You were protecting him from me.”

“I was protecting you both from each other,” Hiccup said, scratching under the dragon’s chin.

Astrid watched him interacting with the dragon. Without his armor she could see even more clearly just how much he had changed. He was still thin, but his shoulders were broader and under the tight fabric of his shirt she could see lithe muscle tone. His neck was thicker, and when the dragon nudged him and he laughed she could see the bob of his adam’s apple. For the past four years whenever she thought of Hiccup she’d thought of the scrawny boy he’d been; at no point had she contemplated what he might have looked like if he had lived. And yet here he was, alive and grown up and looking like a man.

Which he was, when she thought about it.

It had been four years. She had grown into a woman, it only made since that Hiccup would have grown into a man.

Oh dear sweet Odin in Asgard above. They’d handed her over as a virgin sacrifice to _Hiccup._ That was just embarrassing.

Hiccup was the dragon master.

 _Hiccup_ was the dragon master.

She thought she might pass out again.

“It’s you,” she said, and Hiccup looked at her. “You’re the dragon master.”

“Dragon master is a bit of a stretch, I think.”

“But you control them. I’ve seen it, you--” He let go of the dragon’s head and turned toward her, pulling a knife out of his belt. Astrid screamed and scrambled to her feet. She tripped over the hem of her dress and stumbled into the cave wall behind her.

“Oh for the love of--would you just calm down?” Hiccup held up his hands. “I was just gonna cut those ropes.”

She stood still and watched him warily as he crossed to her. With his free hand he took her gently by the elbow and pulled her up so she could detangle her feet from her skirts. As soon as she could stand on her own she jerked her arm away. His expression was unreadable as he stared down at her. (And wasn’t that odd. When did he get so _tall_?)

“Astrid,” he said softly, “I’m not gonna hurt you.” He glanced at the dragon. “Toothless isn’t gonna hurt you either.”

She backed further into the wall but didn’t stop him when he lifted her bound hands. His were rough and calloused but warmer and gentler than she expected. Her eyes didn’t leave his face as he focused on sawing through the ropes.

“Well excuse me for not being more trusting of the guy who faked his own death to run off and side with dragons,” she spat, and Hiccup’s impassive expression gave way to a glare. He pulled the ropes away from her hand with more force than necessary.

“So you don’t believe me when I say I’m not going to hurt you, and yet you’re dumb enough to say something that would provoke me if I _were_ interested in hurting you?”

Astrid had no response to that. She settled for scoffing. “You wouldn’t dare try to hurt me.” He flicked the knife up to her neck and she gasped and pressed against the wall.

Hiccup was wearing that blank, unreadable expression again. “I’m so very sure you believe that.” He dropped the hand holding the knife. “I’ll be right back. Try not to wander off; you’ll only get lost.” Astrid remained glued to the wall as he strode away.

“Where are you going?” she asked. Hiccup ran a hand over the dragon’s head as he passed, and the beast, _Toothless_ , apparently, rose to his feet to follow.

Hiccup turned a corner into another passageway and called over his shoulder. “To get something.” There was a grumble from the dragon and she heard him add, “Yeah, I know, I know, but I couldn’t just let them kill her.”

Astrid had never been more confused in her life. She wasn’t as terrified anymore, but she still didn’t trust Hiccup as far as she could throw him. Which wasn’t nearly as far as it used to be. Once the footsteps had faded into the distance she took a moment to really take a look at her surroundings. She was in a large cavern with several smaller passages leading away. There were partial walls here and there made by the meeting of rock formations, and on the other side of the cavern the rocks grew up so thickly that the ground wasn’t even enough to tread on. She crossed the room, past the fire burning in the center, heading for the area of dim light by the side wall. As she got closer she realized it was moonlight. The cave opened there. She ran towards it, ready to escape and find somewhere to hide until she could signal a passing ship or at least think of a better plan. She grabbed the side of the opening and swung herself around to face it.

She froze.

Hundreds of feet down the near-shear drop the waves crashed against sharp rocks. She gripped the wall beside her and leaned forward enough to look to the left and right. There were other cave openings that she could see, but no pathway down. Out across the moonlit sea she could see nothing for miles and miles. No islands. No ships. Not even dragons. Wherever they were, they were completely alone.

Unless there were other dragons lurking somewhere in the darkness of the caves, but she didn’t want to consider that possibility quite yet.  The wind blowing in through the cave opening was frigid, and she backed away, rubbing at her arms. She peered down the cave passageways but could hear nothing and see nothing but darkness. She shivered. The caves were cold and the fabric of her dress was thin, not having been designed for practicality.

She sighed in resignation and sat down near the fire.

She was stuck in a cave with a ghost and a dragon having been offered up as a sacrifice by everyone she had ever known. As terrible as it was she had to admit that it was still miles better than the ending she had anticipated this day having.

Something heavy weighed down on her back and she gasped and spun around to see Hiccup wrapping a fur blanket around her shoulders. She hadn’t even heard him approach.

“You looked cold,” he said simply, and sat down beside her. Astrid looked around and saw that the dragon had not returned with him. “I told him to wait for me in my room. I thought it’d be easier for us to talk without him around.”

Astrid turned back to him in time to have a small flask shoved into her hands.

“Drink,” he said. “It’ll calm your nerves.”

She frowned. “My nerves are fine.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “Mine aren’t. You jump every time I so much as look at you and it’s driving me crazy. So shut up and drink.” Astrid glared and opened the flask. It was a sweet honeyed mead, and stronger than she expected. She coughed and handed the flask back to Hiccup, who took a long drawl from it. “So whose idea was the virgin sacrifice?”

“Where are we?”

Hiccup didn’t answer. “I get that my dad is angry at you, or whatever, but this seems a little nuts even for him.”

“When are you going to take me back?”

The exasperated sigh made another appearance and Hiccup took another drink from his flask. “I’m not.”

Astrid’s eyes widened. “What do you mean, you’re not?”

He frowned at her. “They dressed you up like a bride and offered you up to be, what? At worst, murdered? At best kept as some kind of sex slave?” He shrugged. “Or maybe the other way around, point is, that’s messed up, and for the time being I think you’re safer here.”

She gaped at him. “With a traitor and a dragon?”

Hiccup’s eyes narrowed. He had been barely concealing his aggravation for the better part of the night, she realized, and she was quickly burning through his patience. “With a dragon who’s tamer than a housecat and a traitor who has no intention of raping and or killing you. Seems to me you’re a lot better off than you thought you’d be a few hours ago.”

Astrid ripped the flask out of his hands and took another drink from it. “Seems to me you’re a lot less _dead_ than I thought you were a few hours ago.” She didn’t care much for the mead but this whole night was much more than she wanted to deal with sober so she took another swig. “Excuse me for not being ecstatic to find out that I wasted four years being wracked with guilt over not being able to save someone who faked his own death so he could lead dragon attacks against his own village.”

“I don’t lead the attacks,” Hiccup snapped, snatching the flask back from her. The bitter scowling expression he wore now was one thing that clearly _hadn’t_ changed over the years. “I mitigate the damage on both sides as best I can, but nothing more.” He drained what was left of the mead and tossed the empty flask over his shoulder. “And I never planned on faking my death. I just wanted to get away from the village until I could figure out some way out of having to kill the Monstrous Nightmare. It wasn’t until _someone_ came after me that I had to change my plans.”

“Oh what, so it’s _my fault_ you were hiding a pet dragon?!”

“No, it’s your fault I faked my death.” Hiccup paused and frowned pensively. “Although it is kind of your fault I ended up with a pet dragon. You were half the reason I tried to shoot him down.”

Astrid’s eyebrows shot up. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

Hiccup rolled his eyes and shrugged. “I had a huge crush on you and I thought that if I was the first person to kill a Night Fury then you’d like me. To a fifteen year old, it was sound logic.”

Astrid blinked at him. “You had a crush on me?”

His eyebrows drew together and his mouth fell open, and for a moment he almost looked hurt, then he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head before giving her a humorless smile. “Of course. Here I always thought it was painfully, embarrassingly obvious how much I liked you, but no, you didn’t even pay enough attention to me to notice.”

“I, you, _ugh!_ ” Astrid’s fist reared back and collided with Hiccup’s arm.

“Hey, what--”

“Boo hoo, I didn’t notice you liked me, I still noticed you were acting weird, and oh yeah, let’s not forget the part where you _let everyone think you’d died!_ ”

“Oh and I’m sure they were all just crushed!” Hiccup shouted. Astrid was taken aback. She remembered Hiccup making quips and comebacks when he was teased throughout the years, but she couldn’t remember him ever yelling. There was a coldness in his green eyes that reminded her of Stoick, and his lip was curled almost in a snarl. “I’m sure everyone was just _devastated_ that Hiccup the nuisance, Hiccup, the walking disaster, had finally managed to do what everyone had been waiting for him to do for years, and finally gotten himself killed!”

“Your dad--”

“My _dad_?” Hiccup laughed bitterly and got to his feet, running a hand through his hair. “You wanna talk about my _dad_ , Astrid? Because as close and loving as I’m _sure_ we seemed to the general public,” he said, biting sarcasm in every word, “Things weren’t exactly happy families in the Haddock Household. My dad never gave a damn about me until I started doing well in dragon training, and as you’ve probably worked out by now, none of that was because I was actually _fighting_ the dragons!”

Astrid got to her feet and followed him as he stomped around the fire. “Your dad mourned you!”

He rounded on her. “Mourned me? He didn’t mourn _me,_ Astrid. He may have mourned the dragon fighting prodigy I had suddenly turned into, but he didn’t mourn _me._ ” She could see the tension in his jaw from where he was clenching his teeth, and his voice was lower when he next spoke. “No one on that island mourned _me_.”

_I did._

“That’s not true,” Astrid said softly.

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “What, you gonna tell me that _you_ mourned me?”

Astrid looked at her feet. “You were a good fighter. O-or at least you pretended to be. You were brave, anyhow. And you were so young. And the chief’s only heir. It…it was a tragedy.”

_You were weird, but there wasn’t anybody else like you. You were never where you should be. You belonged in the forge, making all those crazy inventions you would babble about when I came to get my axe sharpened. You didn’t belong on the battlefield but you were always so intent on being there. You were stupid and crazy and it was kind of endearing._

Hiccup snorted. “Yeah, I can tell you were _real_ torn up about it.”

“I thought I had failed to save you! I thought you had died saving me! I’ve spent four years having nightmares about you getting torn to shreds by that dragon.”

Hiccup was quiet for a moment. “Feeling guilty isn’t the same thing as missing me.”

They were both silent after that. Astrid reached up and tried to tug off her bridal crown, but it snagged on her hair. She yelped.

“Here, let me.” She looked up to see Hiccup, calmer now, stepping towards her and reaching for her crown. She watched his face as he carefully detanged the loose hair from the crown and lifted it off her head.

“That’s _all_ you’re taking off,” she said quietly. Hiccup didn’t answer her. He turned the crown over and over in his hands and frowned at it thoughtfully.

“Is this an heirloom or did they make it for the occasion?”

“Made it for the occasion. No need to waste my mother’s on me. Wanted to save it for my sister.”

“You don’t have a sister.”

“Brenna,” Astrid said, thinking of the teary-eyed little girl who had been tugging at her skirts just hours earlier. “She’s three and a half. She was born after you…” She didn’t finish her sentence.

“Does this have some kind of sentimental value or can I keep it?” Hiccup asked. “I could use the scrap metal.”

Astrid looked at the gold mock crown. She scowled. “Melt it down for all I care.”

Hiccup nodded. He looked up at her. “You look exhausted.”

“Well it has been a little bit of a trying day,” she snapped, shrugging.

Hiccup hung the crown on his belt. “Come on,” he said, pulling his flaming sword off its hook on his boot and lighting it. “You can have my bed.” He started off down the same corridor he’d disappeared down earlier and after a moment’s hesitation she followed.

The pathway was large, more than roomy enough for Toothless, and every so often they would pass what looked to be another chamber. Finally they entered into another cavern where another fire was burning in the center. Like the first cave, this one had a central area where the ground was smooth surrounded by a more open area with rock formations blocking the ground. Pushed away from the fire were three large wooden chests next to a table and chair littered with loose papers. At the side of the room was a smooth stone wall, at the base of which was what Astrid assumed was a bed. It was more nest than bed, in her opinion. There was no wooden structure to support it, instead it seemed to be a large pile of furs and cushions and blankets.

When they entered the dragon curled up on a stone slab to their right stood and stretched. He gave them a strange warbling noise and looked at her curiously. “There are candles in the desk drawers if you need them, but that fire will last you until the sun comes up. Toothless and I will sleep in the front room. Shout if you need anything. Literally. If you start screaming, Toothless will hear you and wake me.”

Astrid nodded, at a loss for what else to do. “What happens tomorrow?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Hiccup didn’t answer immediately. After a moment he simply said, “I don’t know. Ask me then.” He looked up from Toothless and gave her a tired smile. Tired, but genuine. She wondered how long it had been since he’d had any real human contact. “Goodnight, Astrid.”

She only nodded in reply and wrapped the fur blanket tighter around her shoulders. He left the room, the dragon following him, and she waited until he was gone to approach the bed. There were blankets and pillows printed with patterns and motifs she’d never seen before, and some dyed in colors she didn’t know it was possible to make fabric. There was still so much she wanted to know, and so many things she needed to say, and more than a few punches she still wanted to throw, but for the time being she was utterly exhausted and decided that forcing Hiccup to take her back to Berk could at least wait until the morning. Her dress was not the most comfortable thing she’d ever worn, but it was all she had, and she did not intend to deign to ask Hiccup for anything else quite yet. She lifted some of the furs and climbed in.

It was the softest bed she’d ever been in. She hadn’t even realized how tired she’d been until she sank into the cushions and furs. It was warm, and soft, and, and…it smelled nice. Like Hiccup, she supposed, it was his bed after all. Sort of leathery and musky but…with smoke, like the forge. She liked it.

No. She didn’t. Because this was probably what Hiccup smelled like, and she did not like Hiccup and therefore did not like how he smelled.

Her tired mind felt fit to suggest that it might have been easier if she’d just been murdered by a demon dragon master. Less confusing anyway.

Gods, she needed sleep. She hadn’t slept well in days, not since before they told her they were giving her up.

She meant only to rest her eyes and think of a way out of this whole mess, but her eyes were very soon drooping and her thoughts turning to other things.

“I did miss you,” she mumbled sleepily to herself, thinking of that strange bumbling boy she used to watch from afar. “I did miss you…”

Xx


	3. Tables Turned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE SATURDAY
> 
> I had meant to wait until Monday, but I'm busting through chapters faster than I thought I would, and I really want to get through the exposition chapters and really get into the meat of the story. This chapter was originally one chapter, and then I split it into two because it was about twice the length of all the other chapters, and then I decided to make it one chapter. It's longer than most updates will be, but there was a lot to get through and I liked it better as one continuous chapter.
> 
> WARNINGS: sexyish content, and not all of it entirely consensual. This is where we get into seeing just how much Hiccup and Astrid have both changed in four years, and the events of this chapter and the workings of both of their minds during it will be something that I will continue to explore, because let's just say everybody's got some issues to work through. So before you start feeling like anybody is too OOC, just know that in time, everything will make a lot more sense. I suppose the most important thing to understand is that Hiccup's people skills are a bit rusty, to say the least; he's got some stuff he's dealing with, and that Astrid keeps shifting between being like "It's Hiccup. What's the worst this little nerd can do to me." and "It's been four years, I have no idea who he is or what he's capable of anymore."

Astrid had not meant to sleep long.

She was confused when she opened her eyes to the unfamiliar stone ceiling and warm furs. She sat up groggily and blinked at her surroundings while her mind caught up with her.

She’d woken up yesterday ready to go to her death with her head held high with judgment on those who had condemned her. Today she woke up in the cave home of a boy who had let her think he’d died and his _pet dragon_. She put aside the annoyance and anger at _that_ entire situation long enough to be thankful that she had woken up at all.  The most she had hoped for yesterday was a quick death, or else to keep herself alive long enough to kill the dragon master. She was strong, and the rider had never looked particularly muscular; she had felt optimistic about her chances of overpowering him if she could get him away from his dragon. She’d had no intention of giving up her life or her virginity without a fight. She had been aware that this mission would result in her death one way or another. Either she’d be killed immediately or she’d die fighting, or she’d manage to kill the dragon master and then be killed by his dragon or by starvation. Yesterday her future had seemed a very short, very finite thing.

Today her future seemed to stretch before her in a long span of uncertainty.

She’d been given up to stop the fighting.

There was no reason why she couldn’t still do that.

First order of business: find a weapon.

The fire had burned out sometime during the night, but there were patches of sunlight shining through in distant parts of the cave ceiling, and it cast a strange soft illumination throughout the cavern. Astrid sat up and shivered. It was freezing, and her dress had not been made to keep her warm. She pulled one of the fur blankets off the bed and wrapped it around her as she stood.

New plan. First order of business, get a fire going before she froze to death. _Then_ find a weapon. She held the fur close to her body while she searched through the desk drawers for flint. She pulled out journals and parchment covered in sketches she couldn’t make out in the gloom, and some odd small gizmos she couldn’t identify. Finally, in the bottom of one drawer she found candles and a couple of matches. She wondered why there weren’t more, until she remembered that Hiccup had a dragon and didn’t need them. 

With the few sparse matches and the pile of chopped wood in a corner she finally got a fire going large enough to warm her up. Next up, finding a weapon. She searched through the desk drawers and chests again, even searched among the pile of pillows and furs and still found nothing. Her best hope was to whack him over the head with a log, but that wouldn’t get her very far. She needed something sharp, like a sword or an axe or a knife.

Hiccup had a knife.

Hiccup had a knife, and his behavior last night indicated that he didn’t expect her to attack him. He was taller and stronger than he used to be, but he was still Hiccup. How hard could getting his knife from him be?

She lit one of the candles and started through the dark tunnel back towards the cavern where she hoped Hiccup and his dragon were still sleeping. Apparently daylight filtered in to many of the other caverns; as she passed other tunnels she could see dimly the rooms beyond. In one she could see tables and piles of metal around what looked suspiciously like a furnace.

Finally the tunnel opened into the cavern from the previous night and she set the candle down outside the passageway. Daylight from the cave mouth cast the room in soft light. The dragon was stretched out on the floor with Hiccup reclining against his belly, both still asleep. Astrid could see the knife still sheathed on his belt.

She crept forward quietly, carefully stepping over the dragon’s tail until she stood next to Hiccup. She lowered herself into a crouch, and was just beginning to reach for the knife when she heard a low huff of air. Her head snapped to the dragon’s face and saw he was awake and watching her with pupils narrowed to slits. She pulled her hand back and quickly moved away from them. Of course. She would never be able to get the knife, let alone use it, as long as the dragon was around. She needed another plan. She backed away until she hit the cave wall opposite them, where she slid down to sit on the floor. The dragon did not go back to sleep.

She was going to have to find some way of getting the dragon away, of getting Hiccup alone. He had voluntarily made Toothless stay away from her last night in order to make her more comfortable, but she felt she was going to need a better excuse today. Somehow, “I know I came looking for you but now please make your dragon go away” didn’t seem to cut it. And even if she got him to send the dragon away, it would likely be on guard, listening to make sure Hiccup was safe. She needed something that would make him send the dragon away where it wouldn’t feel like it needed to come back and check on him.

She remembered suddenly something he’d said last night, and an absurd yet brilliant plan started forming in her mind. Her lip curled just to consider it, but there was a high likelihood that it would work, and she was reaching desperation. She stood and ran a hand through her bangs and over her braid, trying to smooth it down as best she could. She tugged at the top laces at the back of her dress, just enough to loosen them, and pulled the neckline a little wider on her shoulders and lower on her chest. The dress was low-cut as it was; they had wanted to make sure she looked as appealing as possible.

Strange as it was to think, Hiccup was a man, and in theory as susceptible to temptation and distraction as any other.

Astrid cleared her throat. “Hiccup,” she said loudly, and he stirred, but did not wake. “Hiccup,” she called again, louder, and she watched his eyelids flutter and open. He blinked sleepily at her and then suddenly jumped, blinked some more, and then groaned and pressed his hands into his eyes.

“Shit,” he moaned. “Gods, I still have this to deal with, don’t I.” He groaned again and dropped his hands. “Before you ask, no, I’m not taking you back.”

“I wasn’t going to ask that, actually,” Astrid said, forcing back the irritation at his reaction and focusing on keeping her voice sounding as smooth and sweet as she could. She took a couple of steps forwards, swinging her hips purposefully. “I still want you to take me back at some point, but there’s something I was hoping you could help me with first.” She noted the way his eyebrows rose and his eyes flickered down over her body as she walked. For some reason it was a bit thrilling.

“And, ah, what would that be?”

Astrid glanced at Toothless as she got closer. The dragon was still giving her a wary look, and he curled his tail closer to Hiccup as she approached. She let her nerves show briefly, and it was enough to make Hiccup pat the dragon’s belly and say, “Hey, calm down, bud, it’s okay. She’s a friend, remember?” The tail moved out of her way but those large green eyes still watched her with suspicion. Hiccup’s eyes didn’t leave her as she lowered herself to her knees beside him. “Astrid?” he asked, and she took a deep breath.

She steeled herself and pressed her lips against his.

Hiccup gasped against her mouth and she used the opportunity to slip her tongue briefly past his lips, a quick taste before a retreat. His moan was one part surprise and one part pleasure as she swung her leg over his and straddled his hips. She was surprised at the expertise with which he returned her kiss, his tongue forcing past her lips and sliding and tangling with hers. She couldn’t imagine he’d have had much human interaction in the last four years, but there was significantly less fumbling and clumsiness to his kissing than there was to hers. One of his hands slid up to the back of her neck and the other grasped her shoulder. He pulled her away.

He stared at her with wide eyes. “Okay,” he said, panting, “Not that I’m complaining, because seriously, I’m not, but what the hel are you doing?”

Astrid slid her arms around his neck and tried what she hoped was a seductive smile. “You were right about what you said last night; at my age unmarried doesn’t necessarily mean virgin.” She watched his eyebrows shoot up. “But in my case, it still does.” His eyebrows lowered a fraction, going from surprise to confusion. She gave him a wicked smile and leaned in, looking at him through half-lidded eyes as she buried her fingers in his hair and purred, “I want to change that.” His eyes grew as wide as she’d ever seen them and she claimed his open mouth before he could say anything else. It took him a moment to respond but soon enough he was kissing her back in earnest and his hands were sliding around her waist to pull her closer. She could sense his restraint, though. His legs shifted under her and his hands were light on her back compared to the ardor with which he kissed her.

“Astrid? Hey. Astrid,” he mumbled in between kisses, before he finally pushed her away again. “Why?” he asked, his gaze fixed on her lips.

Astrid shrugged. “I don’t want to get married. But that doesn’t mean I want to live the rest of my life a virgin, either.” She grit her teeth and ground her hips down against his and was rewarded by a sharp exhale from Hiccup. His pupils were dilated and he was watching her with obvious desire, not to mention the hot bulge she could feel growing against her thigh. It made her even more nervous than she already was, and she had to resist the urge to leap away from him, but if he was at this state already, it wouldn’t take her much longer to get what she wanted.

Hiccup swallowed. “Why me, though?”

She shrugged again. “Because you’re here.” He lifted an eyebrow. “And because no one will ever know. My reputation doesn’t suffer, and if I ever _do_ decide to get married, I still get to claim my virtue is intact.” Hiccup frowned and started to lean away, and she realized she was turning him off at the idea of being used. “And,” she added, leaning forwards and skimming a finger along the hard line of his jaw, “Because the last four years have been good to you.” She ground down against him again and he grunted. “ _Very_ good to you.”

The frown melted off his face and she watched him take a deep breath and swallow hard.  His tongue darted out to wet his lips and damn, she really shouldn’t be noticing something like that. “Hey Toothless,” he said, his eyes never leaving her face, “Can you give us some privacy, bud?”

Astrid grinned.

Hiccup’s hands tightened almost imperceptibly on her waist, and her heart really, really, should not have been pounding as much as it was at the way he was looking at her. The dragon gave an annoyed grumble but rose to his feet anyway. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll go flying later, bud, I promise,” Hiccup mumbled as Toothless slunk from the room. Astrid’s eyes shifted to watch him leave, the corners of her lips lifting upwards as his tail finally disappeared around the corner of one of the tunnels. She looked back at Hiccup, and caught only a glimpse of the hunger in his expression before he yanked her against him and his mouth was crashing into hers.

He definitely knew what he was doing. Astrid had only kissed one person before, one of the sailors who had taken refuge from a storm on Berk for a few days last summer. He’d been handsome and young and admitted to being inexperienced with women, and his kiss had been nice but sloppy. His tongue had flopped around inside her mouth like a fish on dry land and he’d had no idea what to do with his hands. She hadn’t been sure until this moment if that was just him or if all kisses were like that, but now, with Hiccup’s lips warm and soft against hers and his tongue teasing and tasting at her own, she realized just how underwhelming that sailor’s kiss had been. The stubble on Hiccup’s jaw scratched at her chin in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant and when his teeth scraped against her bottom lip it drew a tiny whimper from the back of her throat. She was enjoying this far more than she should be.

And then Hiccup pulled away from her lips and started pressing kisses down her neck. This was starting to get out of hand.

“For a virgin you really seem to know what you’re doing,” Astrid said, a little more breathlessly than she’d like to admit. She glanced down at the knife hooked to his belt.

She felt Hiccup smirk against her throat. “What makes you think I’m still a virgin?”

Astrid frowned. “You’ve spent four years holed up in a cave with a dragon— _oh gods!_ ”

Hiccup bit down on her collarbone and she gasped. This was really, _really_ getting out of hand. “I get out more often than you’d think,” he muttered. Astrid’s rising panic distracted her from the wondering about the implications of that admission. The situation was quickly spiraling out of her control. His hands gripped her hips and pulled her tighter against his lap, where she could feel something very hot and very hard pressing back against her. His lips moved dangerously low on her chest and she grabbed his face and pulled it back up to hers. She had him where she wanted him; she just needed to distract him long enough to—

Astrid gasped as Hiccup’s arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her to the floor beneath him. He nudged her legs apart with his knee and settled between her hips. Astrid’s eyes snapped open and after a moment of paralyzing panic she gripped his shoulders and rolled him over so that she was sitting on top of him. She broke their kiss in the process and he blinked in confusion at her sudden roughness. She recovered quickly and gave him a smile. “I’m through with letting men control me,” she said and leaned down to kiss him again. His hands rose to her back and started pulling at the laces of her dress. He was straining at his trousers and little moans were coming from the back of his throat. Astrid ran one hand down his chest while the other quietly slid his knife from its sheath.

With one deft flick of her wrist she had it pressed to his throat.

He stilled.

Hiccup didn’t open his eyes as he pulled his lips from hers and his groan was markedly different from the ones seconds before.  “Oh, you sly bitch,” he whispered, and opened his eyes. His hands lifted away from her back and he held his palms open at his sides. Astrid sat up and smiled at him, the knife still pressed against his neck.

“Men are so easily manipulated,” she said brightly.

Hiccup huffed a sigh. “What do you want?”

“First off,” Astrid said, very much _not_ noticing the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallowed. “You’re going to stop the dragon raids.”

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t you listening last night? I can’t stop the raids. I don’t control the dragons. They listen to me to an extent, but I can’t make them stop raiding villages.”

Astrid’s eyes narrowed. “Well, try harder then. If they listen to you then why wouldn’t they listen to you if you told them to leave during the raids?”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “Because they don’t listen to me _that_ much. I know how to communicate with them, and sometimes that’s enough to calm them down, but that doesn’t mean I can control them. There’s something else they listen to more. Most dragon nests have a queen, and I think their queen is making them raid the villages. I can’t break that control over them. Nothing can. You can hold that knife to my throat until Ragnarok, it isn’t gonna change anything.”

Astrid pursed her lips. There was no reason for Hiccup to be lying about this; ostensibly he stood to gain nothing from the dragons’ continued attacks. She didn’t let up pressure on the blade. “Then you’re going to take me home.”

He smirked at her. _Smirked._ Here she was with a knife to his throat and he actually had the audacity to smirk at her. “No,” he said.

Astrid glared. “Maybe you didn’t hear me, you’re going to take me home.”

“Maybe you didn’t hear _me_ ,” Hiccup said, “Because no, actually I’m not.”

She pressed the flat side of the knife harder against his neck. “Take. Me. Home.”

“Maybe you’ve forgotten, but they tried to sacrifice you. Like, they tied you up and offered you up to be raped and murdered. Are you really sure you want to go back there? They were about to kill you themselves when I stepped in. You’re not safe there, and I’m not taking you back until I’m sure you will be.”

Astrid grit her teeth. “Actually, you’ll be taking me back now, thank you, or else--”

“Or else what?” Hiccup leaned his neck up slightly, the blade pressing into his throat, and she angled it so as not to draw blood. “You’re going to kill me?”

His smirk grew and he jerked his hips upwards, and Astrid gasped as she was suddenly reminded of just where on his body she was seated. She scooted backwards, lifting her hips away from his groin.

Her hand shook against the handle of the knife and her heart pounded. “Don’t think I won’t.”

“Oh, I know you won’t,” he said as soon as the words were out of her mouth, and angled his hips, that hot bulge grazing the side of her inner thigh. She gasped and lifted herself off his lap.

“Yes I w—“

“Then do it.” He sat up further, regardless of the knife she still had against his throat. “Kill me, because I’m not taking you anywhere.” Astrid didn’t move. Hiccup pushed forward and she let up pressure on the knife. “See, you’re not going to, because you’re not an idiot. Kill me, and you’re stuck. Toothless can’t fly on his own, and it took me weeks to figure out how to fly him, even with a rig _I_ built. You’d never work it out on your own. You need me to get you out of here, and that’s never gonna happen if I’m dead.” He laughed, a harsh, bitter noise that sounded so _wrong_ coming from him. “Oh, yeah, and let’s not forget the simple fact that if you lay a hand on me you’ll be nothing more than a scorch mark on the floor by the time Toothless is done with you. So no, Astrid, I’m not taking you anywhere. And you’re not going to hurt me. So do us both a favor and put the knife down.”

He was right.

He was right and she knew it. She could overpower him, but she didn’t stand a chance against his dragon, who they would need to get off this rock, and she couldn’t very well hold the knife to his throat the whole flight back to Berk. She was stuck. Slowly she pulled her hand back.

She immediately regretted it. Suddenly he had his hands wrapped around her wrists and was pushing her over onto her back and climbing on top of her. His knees pinned her legs to the stone floor and Astrid shrieked as he twisted her wrist until the knife fell from her grasp. She struggled against him but he was stronger than she had given him credit for. He pulled her hands under her back and held them there with one hand. She jerked, trying to pull free, but he pressed his body down on hers, trapping her hands beneath their combined weight. His free hand grabbed the knife and she froze when she felt the cold steel against her neck.

“Now,” he breathed, looking down at her through green eyes she didn’t remember ever being so cold, “Let’s get a few things straight here.” Astrid struggled feebly against him. She was one of the strongest fighters on her island and she had been trained to be able to fight off men’s unwelcome advances. That he held her so easily frightened and frustrated her. “You’re here at my mercy, which means your little head games and brilliantly concocted escape plans end here, understand?”

 She whimpered.  His voice was a low steely growl she had never heard him use before. She wouldn’t have thought he was capable of it.

“Hi-Hiccup, what are you doing?”

He bore down on her. “I asked you if you understand. No more escape attempts, no more threatening me, got it?” Her hands and her back were starting to ache and she nodded. “Good.” He released one of her hands and she pulled it free, clenching and unclenching her fist in order to regain feeling, though she didn’t dare move with the knife still at her neck.

“I thought you said you weren’t gonna hurt me,” Astrid said, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

“That was before you threatened me,” Hiccup told her, “Now things have changed. I’ve tried being nice, but clearly you don’t respond to that. So apparently I need to change tactics.” He lowered his face to her neck, and she drew a shuddering breath when she felt him nudge a kiss against her skin.

“Hiccup?” her voice sounded small and scared and foreign to her ears.

His mouth moved up, and the kisses he placed behind her ear were soft and tender and a sharp contrast to the rough way he held her against the ground. “Now,” he breathed against her ear, his tongue darting out to lick at her earlobe, “Lift up your skirt.” Astrid’s breath froze in her chest.

“W-what?”

“You heard me,” he growled, the blade against her throat pressing down harder and his teeth nipping at her ear. “Lift up your skirt.” As if to emphasize his point he nudged her thighs further apart and pressed his hips between them, drawing a terrified gasp from her lips. She made no move to oblige him.

“Hiccup, please--”

“I’ve got nothing to lose by hurting you, Astrid, you might as well make things easier on us both and get on with it. It’s been a lonely four years, and I had _such_ a huge crush on you back then.”

Her lip quivered. But he’d said-he’d said—what did it matter what he’d said? He was a traitor and a liar, and she should have known better than to trust a word out of his mouth. She’d gotten him riled up and clearly he intended to go through with it. She blinked back the tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes as her free hand reached slowly for the skirt of her dress. She pulled it up her leg and when it hit her thigh he released her other hand and grabbed the hem to yank it roughly up to her hip.

She shrieked and squirmed underneath him. “Hiccup no, no, you wouldn’t, you wouldn’t.”

His hand stalled on her thigh and she felt his breath against her ear as he replied. “Of course I wouldn’t.” He released her thigh and sat up, still pinning her legs down with his own and keeping the knife to the underside of her jaw. “But I could.” He was glaring at her in utter contempt and she shrank into herself. “That’s not a threat, just a reminder,” he said calmly. “Because I don’t think you appreciate just how easy it would be for me to do _whatever_ I want to you.” She stifled a sob. “Luckily for you, I’m not interested, which puts you in a much better position than you thought you were going to be in twelve hours ago. You’re not stuck here with a monster. You’re stuck here with me. So if you could kindly stop acting like a hostage, I’ll stop treating you like one, deal?”

Astrid sniffled. “You’re not exactly giving me much choice.”

He gave her a humorless smile. “I’m not exactly thrilled with the circumstances either, milady, but here we are.”

She glared at him. “If you don’t want me here then why don’t you take me back?”

“Because I can’t trust that you won’t spill my secret and they won’t spill your blood the second you get back. So until I’m sure that we’re both safe, you’re staying here.” His eyes narrowed. “But the games end, got it? You wanna try to seduce me again then I’m going to assume you actually want me to fuck you.”

Astrid scoffed. “Like I would ever.” The corner of his lips quirked.

“You were into it.” Astrid’s eyes widened and she felt heat rush to her cheeks. She opened her mouth to tell him that, no, she definitely had not been, but he beat her to it. “You might not want to admit it, but you were.” He pulled the knife away and sheathed it. Astrid sat up slowly, pushing herself up on shaking elbows. He climbed off her knees and stood before offering a hand to help her up. She ignored it and scooted backwards before struggling to stand on quaking legs.

She steadfastly ignored the lingering dampness she felt between her thighs as she did so.

“Yeah, see, surprisingly the threat of rape isn’t exactly a turn on for me.”

“I wasn’t going to rape you, Astrid. Dragon killer isn’t exactly my type. I meant before that.”

“I don’t know why I’m even dignifying this by arguing about it,” she snipped. He’d been a good kisser and she had a role to play. That was it.

This whole day had already gotten way out of hand and she’d only been up ten minutes.

And she was hungry.

Part of her wanted to run as far from Hiccup as her trembling legs would take her, but she knew he was right. Her survival here depended on him, whether he meant to hurt her or not.

“S-so,” she began, rubbing her goosepimpled arms, “Are you in the habit of feeding your hostages or are you just going to wait until I starve to death?”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. It was really starting to irritate her; this was vying for most traumatic event of her life, and he was acting as if the whole thing was a rather aggravating inconvenience. “Only gonna treat you like a hostage if you act like one. I’m not going to let you starve. Come with me.” He started off down one of the tunnels, the same one Toothless had exited through and after a hesitant moment she followed him. When the light behind them faded he reached down and pulled the strange flaming sword from its holster on his calf and ignited it, lighting their way. Subconsciously she sped up to be closer to the flames and the heat they radiated.

“There’s a network of tunnels running through the whole mountain,” Hiccup said. “I get the feeling it used to be home to a nest of Whispering Deaths, but they moved out long before Toothless and I moved in. It’s a bit sprawling, but it doesn’t take long to get used to where everything is. The walk feels longer in the dark, but everything is closer than it feels.”

Astrid crossed her arms and cast her eyes around the near-perfectly round shape of the tunnel. “Why not just have everything in one place?”

“Different areas are good for different things. Some places are warmer and some are colder, and sometimes that makes a difference. I rarely even use that big cave we were in. Sometimes the space is helpful, but mostly Toothless and I just fly straight to my room when we get back. I’ll teach you how to get from there to the other caves later. It’s a shorter walk from there.” As he spoke they turned into another chamber where sunlight was streaming in through a large opening in the ceiling. Like the other rooms she’d seen there was a hearth in the center of the room, though this one had a large spit standing beside it. In the corner Toothless had his head half buried in a large stone well filled with fish. Hiccup had built what looked like a stone oven, and there were several more large chests and boxes shoved up against the walls of the small cave. It was more completely enclosed than the others she’d seen. Its walls were continuous save for the skylight above them and the far side of the room where two openings near the ground allowed a small stream to pass through the room. There was an alcove to her right where she could see salted meats hanging from the ceiling from metal hooks driven into the rock.

Hiccup whistled at Toothless who shot a blast of fire at the hearth before turning back to his fish. Hiccup opened one of the chests and withdrew a loaf of bread which he tossed at her. She caught it and looked it over carefully, inspecting for mold or mites before tearing off a small chunk and tasting. She’d never known Hiccup to have noteworthy cooking skills but the bread was soft and moist and slightly sweet and she tore into it eagerly.

“I’ve got fruit if you want some, some dried jerky somewhere. It’s all in the chests, so just…I dunno. Come in here and dig in if you ever get hungry. Everything you’d need to cook is in a box somewhere, so just dig around and you’ll find whatever you need eventually. It’s not really that organized,” Hiccup rambled as he pulled a couple of plates from one chest and sat them on the small wooden table on the opposite wall from Toothless’s fish well. She watched him carefully. He was being so casual now; as if he hadn’t just tried to trick her into thinking he would…

Astrid closed her eyes. She didn’t want to think about his threats, even if he hadn’t any intention on following through. For a moment she had been terrified, and she would not forgive him for that so easily. She would not forgive him for a lot of things easily, if ever. From another chest he pulled fruits, some she was familiar with, some she had never seen, and began cutting them with a knife pulled from the same chest as the plates. Astrid coughed around a mouthful of bread and Hiccup glanced at her. He put down his knife and reached into the open chest to pull out a clay jug.

“The ice caps on top of this mountain melt down into streams that run all through the caves down to the ocean,” he explained as he crossed to the little stream and began filling the earthen jug with water. “Coolest, cleanest water you’ve ever tasted. We’re close to the top here; it’s the best place to get drinking water. A little further down and the water runs deeper and the current’s stronger so it’s the best place for washing clothes. It’s not a bad place for bathing, but it’s a little too cold. There’s hot springs at the very very base of the mountain, but it’s kind of a long trek. And then a little higher up there’s a strong stream that runs by my bedroom. Works nicely as a self-cleaning privy, before you ask.” Astrid blushed. Gods, she was seriously going to have to cohabitate with him, wasn’t she? His simple statement had given rise to a whole host of concerns in her mind related to privacy and daily needs and…she had no clothes. No clean underwear or breast bindings. And Odin’s missing eye, what the hel was she going to do when her moon’s blood came?

She had to get him to take her home. Soon.

He poured her a mug of water and thrust it into her hand without looking at her. Astrid took a long drawl of the cool water before squaring her shoulders and fixing him with her next question.

“As cozy as this all sounds, what’s it going to take to get you to take me home?” Hiccup perched himself on the table and regarded her with a bored expression.

“I’ll take you back when I’m sure I can trust you not to spill my secrets. I thought we covered this.”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s not likely to happen. What _else_ will it take to get you to take me home?”

Hiccup raised an eyebrow at her, then after a moment he smirked something wicked. “Well, if you’re still interested in that deflowering--”

Astrid scowled. “Never in a million years,” she hissed, and her face grew hotter at Hiccup’s smug expression. Her anger seemed to positively delight him. “And if you _ever_ lay a hand on me again, you’ll wake up the next morning with your cock missing.”

He sobered slightly. “I’m not dumb enough to think that’s an empty threat, Astrid,” he said, turning his attention to peeling an apple. “I have no such intentions.”

She glared. “I don’t care whether you intend to go all the way or not,” she said, her voice a low growl, “You ever touch me like you did earlier--”

“In fairness,” Hiccup interrupted, “You started it.”

She ripped off a chunk of the bread and threw it at his head. It bounced off his shoulder and he raised an amused eyebrow at her. “So that’s how it is, huh? A girl gets you a little excited and suddenly it’s all her fault because you just couldn’t control yourself?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Besides that, you knew why I was pretending to come on to you, that hardly counts as me starting it.”

“Oh my gods, Astrid, I wasn’t gonna rape you,” Hiccup groans around a mouthful of the bread she’d chucked at him. He swallowed. “I’m sorry, okay, I was just trying to make a point. I shouldn’t have done it.” He closed his eyes and sighed, and when he spoke next it was gentler and more sincere than the exasperation of his previous sentence. “I really am sorry. I didn’t think it was going to make you feel so violated. I didn’t think—well, I just didn’t think. I’m sorry. But I’m serious; I’m not going to touch you again.”

She could see the honesty in his expression, and while it partially soothed her anger, she was still far from letting him off the hook. She was being held against her will; she felt she had the right to nag him for all she was worth.

“And even when I held you down and you were—what, teasing? I don’t even know what to call it, but, seriously, is it so hard to keep your hips to yourself?”

“Well, seeing as you’d shown so much comfort with touching me up until then--”

“Stop blaming this on me!”

“I’m not blaming this on you!”

“No, you’re just saying that you shouldn’t regret your actions because I might have enjoyed it. Which I didn’t, by the way.”

“Fu- Freya Frigga Loki Lofn,” Hiccup swore, his head falling back. “Gods, woman, we need to get you laid.” His head tilted back down and he gave her a deadpan frown. “Or drunk. Or something.”

Toothless had stopped eating to watch them, his large green eyes following the back-and-forth exchange. He grumbled at Hiccup, who frowned at him.

“Oh, hey now, you stay out of this. You’re the one who left me alone with her.”

Toothless’s eyes narrowed and he gave Hiccup an indignant bark before curling up with his back to them.

Astrid’s lip curled. She hoped her face wasn’t as red as it was hot. “I don’t need to get laid,” she hissed.

Hiccup chuckled and returned to his breakfast. “Some might dispute that, given that your virginity is what got you into this mess.”

Astrid huffed. “Just because you’re so eager to lose your virginity that you’re practically salivating over me doesn’t mean that--”

Hiccup’s sharp bark of laughter stopped her. He pulled one of his legs up onto the table and rested his arms on it. He gave her a wide amused smile and gestured at her with his knife. “Again, you’re assuming I’m still a virgin.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, because again, you live in a cave with a dragon.”

Hiccup sighed and tossed his apple core into a basket beside the table and started peeling another one.

“I told you, I do get out. As much as this mountain has to offer there are some things I need that I have to get the old fashioned way. I steal some things during raids, but others I just have to find a way to buy. So I sneak into towns sometimes. Big towns, sea ports. Places where a strange face doesn’t attract attention. And there are two things you can always find in sea port towns.” Astrid finished her bread and scooted closer to the fire for warmth. “The first, prostitutes.” Astrid’s nose turned up in disgust and Hiccup’s mouth quirked into a smile as he pointed at her with his knife. “Exactly. But the second, more attractive, cheaper, less disease-riddled option…” He grinned. “Desperate fisherman’s daughters. The landlocked ones are usually easy anyway. They like the convenience of being able to sleep with sailors and not have to see them again or worry that they’ll let slip what happened between them. But the ones who sail with their fathers? Who spend weeks or months out on a boat with no one but crew men who know their captain would throw them overboard if they so much as look at his daughter the wrong way?” Hiccup’s grin was wide and wicked and smug. “Their feet hit land and all they want is one night to feel like a free woman instead of a spare pair of work hands who’ll end up in an unhappy marriage to a fisherman who leaves them alone on land for weeks at a time just like their mothers.” He shrugged and tossed her the peeled apple. “Not to say that I take advantage. They go looking for companionship and they usually find me. All I do is find a tavern to hang out in and wait.”

Astrid tried to picture Hiccup seducing some wide-eyed girl off a fishing boat. It seemed all wrong; even with his new sharp jaw and high, defined cheekbones and bright green eyes and—

Okay, she could _sort of_ see what these supposed girls might see in him.

“Well I suppose after weeks of no contact with anyone your own age even _you_ would look appealing,” Astrid quipped, mostly in order to distract her mutinous brain from trying to imagine what Hiccup might look like during one of his supposed dalliances.

“You know it’s hard to take that as an insult given how into that kiss you were this morning.”

Astrid threw her apple at his head. He dodged it and grinned at her. “I had to make you _think_ I was into it,” she snapped.

Hiccup snorted. “Whatever you say, milady.”

Astrid got to her feet and stomped over to him, glowering. “Okay, listen up, Haddock,” she hissed, right in his face, so close she could count every freckle dusted across his cheeks. “First you steal my chance of glory in Dragon Training, then you make me think you _died_ a terrible, gruesome death, because _I_ failed to save you. So then I get to spend the next four years feeling guilty and having nightmares about you getting eaten by a dragon while your dad treats me like your death is my fault. And let’s not forget that all that culminates in my being offered up as _virgin sacrifice_ , only to end up being stuck on this Thor-forsaken island with a skinny idiot who can’t get over his childhood crush long enough to treat me like a real person!”

No sooner had she finished her tirade was Hiccup on his feet and stalking towards her, sending her tripping over her own feet as she backed away. That cold look was back in his eyes as he glared at her, and Astrid felt a flash of fear when her back hit the cave wall.

Toothless had looked up and was watching them tensely; his eyes wide and fixed on his master’s stiff frame.

Hiccup looked at her for a moment with that harsh, almost disgusted expression before he closed his eyes and exhaled through is nose. His face fell into impassivity and his eyes opened.

“If you’re done eating I’ll finish showing you around,” he said finally, and Astrid released a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “And then we’ll see if we can’t find you some real clothes.” His gaze flickered downwards and lingered just a second too long on her chest before returning to her face. “You look cold.”

He turned and stalked towards the door without another word, Toothless at his heels. The dragon paused and cast an almost worried glance at her over his shoulder before he exited the room behind Hiccup.

Astrid raised her arms and crossed them over her chest, realizing suddenly that her hard nipples were almost certainly pointing through the thin fabric of her dress. She missed her real clothes. She missed her warm knitted shirts and spiked skirts and the thick pelts she wrapped around her arms. She missed her fur lined boots and armor on her shoulders and the comforting weight of an axe strapped to her back.

She missed home. She missed her warm bed and her mother’s cooking and being woken by her father’s singing in the mornings. She missed Brenna crawling into her bed after she’d had a nightmare and cuddling the little girl close until she felt safe. She wondered if she’d ever get to sooth her baby sister back to sleep ever again.

  She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath before following Hiccup into the tunnel.


	4. Boredom

It was clear by the end of the tour that Hiccup had been inhabiting the mountain for a long time. In addition to the bedroom and the kitchen there was a storeroom for things he’d salvaged from wrecked ships or stolen during raids as well as supplies he’d gotten through more legal means; as well as an impressive forge he’d built using pieces filched from a hundred different villages. Near the base of the mountain there was even a little patch of land he’d turned into a garden.

He showed her how to get to the hot springs at the deepest level of the mountain, and then to the stream that was good for washing clothes, and from there, how to get back to his bedroom. There were shorter passageways that connected these areas, tunnels she hadn’t noticed and tunnels that bypassed the entrance cavern entirely, and she was surprised at how quickly they got from one area to another. He took the time to scribble her down a map and mentioned putting up signs so she wouldn’t get lost, and promised to dig up an old prototype of his flaming sword that she could use as a torch to get around in the dark. He told her she could keep using his bed; that he’d pull out some old furs and continue cuddling up with Toothless. Neither one of them minded; apparently there had been a lot of that in the days when they’d first left Berk, and Hiccup laughingly told her that he would still occasionally be woken up in the middle of the night by the crushing weight of a Night Fury trying to crawl into his bed.

In the bottom of a trunk he managed to find some old clothes of his he thought had a passing chance of fitting her, and told her he had extra fabric and needle and thread so she could make whatever else she might need until he had a chance to sneak into a village to get her some real clothes. She asked if there was any chance of getting some of her own things from Berk, but he told her it was too risky. If her parents decided to go through her things, either to pack them away or just to remember her, they would likely notice the absence.

A raid on Berk usually meant there would be another on other islands in the next few days, and he promised to find her something then.

Toothless’s patience was finally exhausted and the spoiled dragon demanded to be taken flying, which would at least give Astrid a guaranteed moment of privacy to change.

She stayed close to the fire as she pulled off her dress.  Hiccup had been so casual and so accommodating that she was having a hard time reconciling him with the man who just hours ago had held her down and demanded her to lift up her skirt.

Of course, she was also having such a hard time reconciling this strange tall young man with the small frightened boy of four years ago, as well as having a very difficult time reconciling all of this with the earthshattering fact that he was _alive_ and living with a _dragon_. In the end she gave up on properly processing everything and decided to just go with it until she could really think it all through.

He had an old green tunic that fit well enough; a bit baggy but it stayed on her shoulders and fell to the middle of her thighs. The pants were another story. They were tight around her hips but loose everywhere else, and she had to roll them up quite a bit. Perhaps she could at least hem them later, but for the time being it was warmer than her mock wedding dress.

Astrid stared at the pale blue dress laid out on the stone floor. She had no intention of wearing it ever again; but she could at least use the fabric. The thin cotton would make due for undergarments at least, and yet…

She didn’t want to touch it. She didn’t want it touching her. She didn’t want any physical reminder of how terrified she had felt, at the fate she thought she’d been facing, of her village’s betrayal…of Hiccup holding her down.

She’d find other fabric. She gathered the dress into her arms and chucked it into the fire.

She sat down on the cave floor and watched the fabric blistering and burning. She had no idea what to do with herself now. She had no idea what she was going to do with herself for a long time. She was stuck here, apparently, with no clear chance of leaving any time soon, and she had no idea how she was going to fill the time until she managed to convince Hiccup to let her leave.

She sighed and got up. She found a comb in one of the desk drawers and pulled her hair loose from the marriage braid it had been twisted into yesterday. It was tangled and matted from the flight and her sleeping on it, and she passed a few minutes mindlessly combing the tangles out before braiding it into its usual style. Hair fixed, she stared around the cave absently.

The boredom was going to kill her.

Astrid sighed and pulled herself to her feet. She opened one of the chests and dug out one of the leatherbound books she’d seen that morning and opened it to a random page. It was a journal, and judging by the dust an older one. There was a little sketch of Toothless in one corner.

_Promising tests with the tail rig today. I’m starting to get the hang of the different positions. I think we might be able to try an actual test flight within a few days._

What followed was a lot of technical jumbo that went over Astrid’s head so she flipped backwards. How early was this, if he was writing about testing out Toothless’s false tail? Something caught her eye and she stopped, pulling back a page to see a light charcoal sketch of herself. She was younger, as she’d been before Hiccup left, one hand pushing back her bangs as she waited at what looked like the forge window. Astrid sat down and smoothed the dust from the page.

_Astrid came into the shop today for her axe sharpened and Gobber, in what I can only assume was an attempt at matchmaking, abandoned me to deal with it myself. Which would have been alright if his parting words hadn’t been so innuendo-laden. “My apprentice here can service all of your needs!” Yeah, thanks Gobber,_ that _helps. As does you leaving and blabbering about going to get that thing you need that you’re out of. Smooth. Very smooth. And not at all obvious. I mean I guess I can’t hold it against him too much. I got to talk to her. There was an actual conversation. As in, words were exchanged with Astrid. I said things and she said things in response to the things I said. I think she was pretty bored by everything I said but I spoke to her so that’s at least progress._

_I don’t know why I bother, to be honest. I don’t stand a chance with her. She’s never been mean to me like the others have but she’s never acknowledged by existence either. And why should she? She’s Astrid Hofferson. She’s beautiful and she’s strong and she broke Snotlout’s wrist one time and it had me picturing our wedding day and future children. I mean, I’d marry her for the other stuff too, but breaking Snot’s wrist was definitely a point in her favor._

_She’s so pretty. And her aim with that axe? Wow. I was watching her on fire patrol one night and in the firelight she looked so fierce and beautiful that I ruined the sword I was supposed to be sharpening for Hoark._

“Wow, Haddock,” Astrid muttered, “You had it _bad_ for me.”

_Which brings me back to my earlier point: why should Astrid notice_ me _? I screw everything up, I’m a failure as a Viking, and I’ve got no chance of killing a dragon if everyone keeps shoving me out of the way during raids. (You know it’s actually part of protocol now? Grab the weapons, prime the catapults, light the torches, grab Hiccup and stick him in the nearest building.) Realistically I should probably just give up hope on her. I just can’t, though. Whenever I see her my brain goes all fuzzy and my heart starts beating really fast. Is it possible to be in love with someone you’ve hardly had a full conversation with?_

_Gods, I sound pathetic don’t I?_

Astrid sniggered. “That you do, kid.”

There was a rustling overhead and she looked up to see Toothless lowering into the cavern through a far-off hole in the ceiling. She snapped the journal shut and threw it back into the chest along with the other items she had pulled out. She closed it and scrambled back to sit by the bed before Toothless and Hiccup had winged their way through the cavern to her.

They landed on the other side of the fire and Hiccup removed his helmet and ran a hand through his hair before sliding off the saddle.

“I’m bored,” she said as soon as his feet hit the ground.

“And there go all those good post-flying feelings,” Hiccup sighed. She watched as he began unbuckling Toothless’s saddle.

“You’re the one who refuses to let me leave. What am I even supposed to do around here?”

Hiccup shrugged. “I don’t know. What do you normally do all day?”

Astrid picked absently at her braid. “I dunno, chores, helping my sister with things, training, teaching the new recruits in dragon training. What do _you_ do all day?”

Toothless wiggled from his nose to his tail when he was finally free of the saddle, which Hiccup hung from hooks on the wall next to the stone slab that made the dragon’s bed. “Whatever needs doing, I guess. We go flying, I wash things, I tend the garden, I work on things in the forge.” He shrugged again.  “I get drunk sometimes, that’s always a fun way to pass a few hours. Everything’s more entertaining when you’re drunk.”

“Is that it?”

He glanced at her over his shoulder, still hanging tail proponents on the wall. Toothless padded around the fire and sniffed at her, and Astrid scrambled backwards away from him. “He’s not gonna hurt you, Astrid, he’s just curious. It’s probably because of my clothes. He’s trying to figure out why you smell like me.”

Astrid’s back hit the wall as the large black head and sniffling nose drew closer to her. “Well call him off!” She tensed when Toothless nudged his head against her stomach, then pushed under her arm.

Hiccup laughed. “He just wants you to pet him. Give him a scratch under the chin, he likes that.”

Astrid pulled her arm back as those huge green eyes watched her curiously. “I will do no such thing.”  The dragon warbled sadly at her, his eyes widening in a way that looked hurt.

“Aw, you’re hurting his feelings,” Hiccup teased, pulling off his own armor and coming to sit on the corner of the mass of furs, drawing Toothless’s attention away from her. He pulled the dragon’s head close and scratched the underside of his chin, which made Toothless cackle happily before pulling back to lick the side of Hiccup’s face. “Ugh, Toothless, no!” Hiccup yelped as the slimy pink tongue left the hair on the side of his head wet and sticking up at odd angles. Astrid giggled in spite of herself. Hiccup pushed the dragon away and looked at her with a half-smile. “Was that a laugh?”

Astrid quickly pulled her mouth back into a frown. “No.”

“That was a laugh.”

“No it wasn’t. I was…clearing my throat.”

“You laughed.”

“I did not!”

“Oh come on, give him a chance, Astrid,” Hiccup said, smiling as he used one of the blankets to wipe dragon slobber from his face and hair while Toothless curled up by his side. He looked happier and more relaxed than she had seen him thus far; he seemed more like the boy she remembered.

Astrid crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t see why I should. He’s a dragon. Just because you’re fine with being a traitor I don’t see why I should be.”

Hiccup’s smile fell. He looked down at Toothless and started running a hand slowly along the top of his head. “Because they aren’t what you think they are. Dragons aren’t mindless killing machines. I told you, I think their queen is the one who makes them attack the villages. The way they behave during raids…it’s not like they are normally. Normally most breeds are docile.” He grinned and shifted to recline on his side, his head resting on top of Toothless’s. The dragon purred. “They’re big ol’ softies, mostly. There are a few species who are lot harder to tame, but few of them are outright hostile. As long as they don’t feel threatened they’re as harmless as any housepet.”

Astrid narrowed her eyes at him. “They don’t seem particularly harmless when they’re burning down houses and carrying off our livestock.”

Hiccup frowned. “They’re different during the raids. Whatever their queen does to make them steal food…it makes them, well not really hostile necessarily, but it’s harder to get through to them. And really the raids wouldn’t be half as destructive as they are if the villages weren’t so violent in their response. The dragons are just defending themselves. They don’t start burning things down until you start shooting rocks at them. If you didn’t fight back, they would just take what they need and leave.”

Astrid glared at him. “So what, the solution is to just let them carry off all our livestock so we starve?”

Hiccup was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know what the solution is,” he said finally. “But things can’t carry on this way forever. I’d put a stop to it if I knew how but I don’t. In the meantime all I can do is try to keep casualties on both sides at a minimum.”

He looked up at her, and she could see a determination in his eyes she hadn’t seen since that day in the cove when he’d told her to run. “You may see me as traitor, but I don’t see how I’ve betrayed anyone. When the dragons attack, I try to protect the village, same as you or my dad or anyone else on Berk. The only difference is I try to protect the dragons too. If that makes me a traitor, then fine. But I’d rather be a traitor than an ignorant savage mindlessly killing something I don’t even understand.” The corners of his mouth fell and there was something open and pleading about his gaze. “They aren’t anything like what you think they are, Astrid,” he said quietly. “I’ve spent four years among them, and in that time I’ve seen that dragons are amazing, protective, compassionate creatures.”

Toothless lifted his head and nuzzled close to Hiccup’s face. “Toothless is a Night Fury; he’s supposed to be the most deadly dragon out there.” Hiccup grinned and scratched at Toothless’s jaw; one of the dragon’s legs began tapping the floor happily. “But he’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I know he’d never, ever hurt me.” He looked at her. “He had the chance to once. I had shot him down and he could have killed me for that. He had me pinned; point blank range, and every reason to kill me. But he didn’t. Because dragons aren’t killers. Not unless they have to be.”

Astrid didn’t answer. She could see the obvious affection Toothless had for his master, but this was one dragon. One dragon and one boy against the hundreds of dragons she’d seen and fought over the years. She stood and stepped off the piles of furs and wandered to the opposite side of the room.

“You still haven’t told me what I’m supposed to do around here all day,” she said, not looking at him. “I haven’t even been here a full day and I’m already bored out of my mind.”

“That’s not my problem.”

She whipped her head around to look at him. “If I’m bored I’m gonna nag you until it is your problem. You’re holding me here against my will, what am I supposed to do? Sit around until you decide you can trust me?”

Hiccup’s smile faded and she watched that familiar irritated scowl work its way back onto his face. “Look, if you want to be useful you could go work in the garden. The potatoes need weeding. Other than that, well, I’m fresh out of axes for you to throw at things.”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “Fine. Better than nothing I guess.” She started stomping towards the dark entrance of the tunnel before she stopped. “Uh,” she glanced over her shoulder. “And, uh, how do I get to the garden again?”

Hiccup’s exasperated sigh was fast becoming a very familiar sound to her ears. “I’ll show you.”

They stopped by his forge where, as promised, he dug out an old prototype of his sword. It was shorter, only about dagger length, and non-retractable, but its purpose had been to test the possibility of a blade sustaining the flame and so he hadn’t needed all the functions of his current model. It was simple enough to use and allowed her the light she needed. He pointed her in the direction of the path to the garden and returned to his forge, muttering about work to do.

The sunlight was warm on her skin as she stepped out onto the outcropping where the little garden lay, slung over her back the wicker basket of tools she’d found sitting near the exit. She could do gardening. It wasn’t her favorite thing in the world, but one of her aunts was a healer and she’d used to help her with the herbs in her garden when she was little. The little plot of land was well tended enough, but it was clear Hiccup was not nearly as diligent about weeds as her aunt had been, and his knowledge of farming left a lot to be desired. His spacing was all wrong; too cramped in some places and too wide in others, and she wasn’t sure the garden was being properly watered. It seemed in a good place as far as sunshine went, and the soil was rich and dark, so it wasn’t a complete failure. With a little rearranging she could turn this garden into a much more successful source of food than it seemed to be now.

Astrid let herself smile. She had a project. A way to occupy her time. It was far from a plan off this island, but it was something.


	5. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: I will be leaving for a week-long trip to Spain on Saturday. I have no idea what my family's plans are and no idea how much wifi access I will have while I'm there or free time for posting. I have one of next week's chapters written already, and I might be able to get it edited and schedule it to post next week. We'll see.
> 
> As for THIS chapter...I'm kinda bleeeh about it.

Astrid stood and wiped her hands on the knees of her borrowed trousers. It was getting dark; the light finally fading behind the western horizon. She surveyed the small garden with satisfaction. It was completely devoid of weeds, freshly watered, and she’d managed to do something about the nightmare that was Hiccup’s spacing of the cabbage plants. Tomorrow she could get started on rearranging the rest of the garden. The herb bed could really use some work.

It was starting to get dark, and she was hungry, dirty and exhausted but feeling the closest she had to optimistic since she couldn’t even remember when. She gathered up the tools and was about to make her way back into the mountain when something caught her eye.

Out across the horizon she could see a series of small black shapes winging their way across the sky. Dragons. A lot of them, she’d guess, heading south. She stared at them before a huge black shape shot upwards much, much closer to her. She took a step back, stumbling a little at the sudden appearance of Hiccup and Toothless. She saw Hiccup look over his shoulder and pulled Toothless back around, and they came to hover in front of the cliff side.

“There’s going to be a raid tonight,” he said, and she noticed his eyes sweep over the neatly weeded rows of his garden, his brow furrowing in what might be surprised admiration, before he turned his head to look out at the small black cloud of dragons in the distance.  “Judging from the direction and given that they raided Berk last night I’m betting they’re headed for the Bog Isles.” He looked back at her. “Which is good news for you, because it’ll be easiest for me to steal you some clothes.”

Astrid sighed; real clothes, made to fit an actual woman. She didn’t know something so simple could sound so wonderful. “How long will you be gone?” she asked.

“No telling. Depends on what happens when I get there. How long the fighting goes on, and if the dragons are headed to multiple islands.” He looked at her. “I’ll be back by morning though. There’s a fire in my room and a ham still cooking over the fire in the kitchen. If you hurry you might get to it before it burns.”

She nodded. She felt like she should add something, so she tacked on, “Just try not to die, okay? If you do I’m stuck here.”

He gave her what could have been a genuine smile. “I’ll do my best.” He pulled his helmet out of a saddle bag and put it on, then shifted Toothless’s tailfin and they turned into a dive. She watched, amazed, at the speed at which they shot off, Toothless’s wings beating furiously. They were nothing but a tiny black speck in the distance in a matter of seconds.

Xx

Astrid fell back against the furs, her stomach pleasantly full of ham that was only slightly charred. She was exhausted. The events of that morning felt like a whole different day. She’d only been here twenty four hours.

She couldn’t figure Hiccup out.  He had promised not to hurt her, and said more than once that he didn’t intend to rape her. But the way he had held her down made her wonder if he perhaps felt otherwise. He said he’d been trying to scare her, to make a point, but…

He accused her of being too into their kiss when she’d been trying to trick him, but she couldn’t help but wonder if the same was true of him. She didn’t disbelieve that he’d been trying to trick her as well, but she also had the distinct feeling that he’d been enjoying it just a little too much.

It scared her more than she wanted to admit. Because it was Hiccup. Bumbling, stumbling, adorably determined yet clumsy _Hiccup._ The boy she knew four years ago would never _dare_ , least of all because he would have lacked the physical strength back then to overcome her. But, she knew, he was not the same boy she had known four years ago. There was a strange confidence to him; a smugness that did not quite cross the border into arrogance. He was sure of himself in a way he never had been before. He might claim otherwise, but she had no way of knowing for sure that _this_ Hiccup, this man he had grown into, would not act on the obvious sexual attraction he felt for her. The aggravation he displayed in nearly every conversation they had gave her the feeling that he was over the crush he’d had on her in their youth, but he definitely still wanted her in at least a purely physical way.

It confused her though, how hot-and-cold he’d been. For all his callous treatment of her he had also been kind, exceptionally so…as long as she stayed on his good side. He did not have an abundant supply of patience, and she seemed to burn through it quickly. She feared what might happen if he really lost his temper.

Her presence here irritated him, that much was certain, and she knew that he would not be keeping her here if he felt he had any other option. He talked about protecting her life, but Astrid was sure that it had more to do with protecting his own secrets. She didn’t understand why he was so adamant about keeping his true identity a secret from the people of Berk. She understood that he had no love for his former village, and certainly more than a few deep-seated issues with his father, but she couldn’t understand why it was so important that they think him dead. Why he was alright with playing the part of the Dragon Master as long as no one knew it was _him_. If he was willing to betray his people, why not fully commit?

She wasn’t sure how she could avoid telling the villagers who he was even if she did agree not to. She could perhaps spin a story about the Dragon Master never wanting her to begin with and deciding her more of a hassle than she was worth, but she couldn’t hope to invent a new identity for him. Especially if she spent days, weeks, or even longer with him. No one would believe that she had been with him that long and learned _nothing_ about the dragon master, or who he was or what he wanted.

And even if she did decide not to tell, as of yet Hiccup had no reason to take her word for it.

She laid awake for a long time, late into the night. She didn’t really feel comfortable falling asleep without knowing where Hiccup was. She didn’t like the thought of him coming into this room while she was sleeping…

Xx

A grumbling roar awoke her. Astrid jolted up, head whipping around wildly, still not fully awake as her wide eyes searched the room until they landed on Hiccup and Toothless. She didn’t even remember falling asleep.

“Sorry to wake you,” Hiccup said automatically. He looked exhausted; and even Toothless looked worn out, his tail and wings drooping and dragging along the floor.

Astrid sat up and rubbed at her eyes. She blinked and watched as Hiccup removed Toothless’s saddle and tail components and hung them on their hooks.

“I take it the raid didn’t go well?” she asked, resting her chin on her knees.

Hiccup shook his head. “No. It didn’t,” he mumbled. “Honestly, I have half a mind to just tell Cami it’s me,” he said, mostly to himself. “Make her stop throwing all those knives at me.” He opened a storage compartment on Toothless’s saddle and pulled out a bundle of cloth. He walked over and dropped it at her feet. He pointed a finger at her. “You have no idea what I had to go through to get those. Be grateful.” He started walking away, unbuckling his armor as he went.

“Cami?” Astrid asked, holding up a long wool skirt.

“Camicazi. Old friend of mine. Bog Burglar heir,” Hiccup pulled the black leather armor off his chest and let it fall to the ground, seemingly too tired to care. “Stole those off her clothes line. She’s about your size, should fit. Probably be big in the bust, though.”

Astrid’s eyes snapped up to his, indignant.

“That’s not an insult,” Hiccup said, rolling his eyes. “This is the girl whose mother is called Big-Boobied Bertha. And Cazi inherited more than just control of the tribe from her.” Astrid picked a dark blue tunic out of the pile and held it up against her chest. The arms and waist were small, though not too small to fit her, but the chest…

“You’re not kidding,” Astrid muttered, and dropped the shirt by the skirt. “I should be able to take it in, though.” She sorted through the pile as Hiccup dug a flask out of a saddle bag and collapsed on Toothless’s bed next to him. There were a couple of long thick skirts, some pairs of leggings, and a couple of long sleeved shirts. Not much, but enough. Although notably absent from the pile were any sort of undergarments. Still no word on what she was going to do about _that_.

She looked up to see Hiccup taking a long drink from the flask. “What time is it?” she asked.

Hiccup shrugged. “Early hours of the morning. Sun’s not up yet but dawn’ll be breaking soon.” She watched him tip his head back and chug the remaining liquid in the flask. When he was done he tossed it at an open chest, missed, and shrugged. He let his head fall back against Toothless’s side.

“Hey, Hiccup--”

He held up a hand. “Just, can it wait?” He opened his eyes and dragged his head up to look at her. “I am exhausted,” he said slowly. “I have had a very difficult day—thank you, for that-- and there have been three raids in as many nights and all I want to do right now is get drunk and go to bed. Ideally in my own bed but that’s not an option right now. So whatever it is you want to yell at me about now, can it just wait until I’ve gotten some sleep?”

He looked terrible; there were bags under his eyes and he was swaying slightly, though that could have been from the alcohol.

“Yeah,” she conceded, leaning back against the stone wall behind her.

He managed a nod before he was closing his eyes and settling back against Toothless’s belly. After a few minutes his breathing slowed and his head fell to the side. Astrid watched him sleep. He shifted, moaning softly and curling closer to Toothless. He drew his arms up around himself and shivered.

Astrid frowned, and after a few minutes of deliberation she approached and draped a fur blanket over him. His shivering stopped, and the lines on his forehead softened. She padded back to the bed and laid down, pulling the blankets over herself.

He’d brought her clothes after all.

And if he froze to death she was screwed.

Xx

Stoick stared at the parchment spread out in front of him as the doors to the Great Hall opened and Gobber limped inside. The heavy doors swung shut behind him, leaving the light shining in from the windows overhead the only illumination in the room.

“You wanted to see me?” Gobber asked as he took a seat next to Stoick.

Stoick nodded. “I received a letter today from Bertha.”

Gobber took a swig from his mug arm attachment. “Bog Burglar Bertha?”

“Aye,” Stoick picked up the letter and reread the words that by now he had memorized. “They were raided a few nights ago.”

Gobber’s mug stopped halfway to his lips. “Which night?”

Stoick frowned. “The night after we were raided.” Gobber sat down his mug, shaking his head.

“Thor’s hammer,” he said quietly. “And…did they see him?”

“Camicazi faced off against him herself.”

“Odin’s eye.” Stoick watched Gobber’s brow furrow and he took off his helmet to rub at his bald head. “That poor girl, gone for nothing.”

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Stoick said, glaring into space. “He may have seen our offering as a treaty with Berk, but not with all Vikings. And so far we’ve not been raided again.”

“Yes, but they rarely raid us two nights in a row.” Gobber pulled at the corners of his yellow mustache. “It’s only been a few days. They’ve gone longer than this without attacking before. It’s still too soon to tell if we’ve really done anything to help Berk.”

Stoick looked back at the letter. His grip tightened. “That’s not the most interesting part of the letter. It’s what he was doing when Camicazi found him.”

Gobber frowned. “And what’s that?”

There was a brief pause before Stoick answered. “Stealing clothes off their clothesline.” He watched Gobber’s eyebrow rise. “Not all of them though. He bypassed Bertha’s things and the little girls’ clothes. He was looking for Camicazi’s things.”

Gobber stared at him. “And Camicazi and Astrid would be about the same size.”

“Aye,” Stoick said. “Astrid may still be alive.”

Gobber sighed and shook his head. “That may not be a good thing,” he said in a low voice, mug-hand swishing idly. “If he hasn’t killed her then I dread to think what he _has_ done to her.”

“It’s for the good of Berk.”

“Is it?” Gobber looked up at him. “It’s not lost on me that out of all of the girls on this island you picked her.”

“She was unmarried and not looking to ever be, and unlike the Thorston girl she didn’t have a reputation for running about--”

“She was fifteen, Stoick,” Gobber interrupted, a hard glare on his face, “And they were up against a Night Fury. As good as she was she didn’t stand a chance against that. Neither of them did.”

Stoick wouldn’t meet his eye. “This isn’t about that.”

“Like hel it isn’t,” Gobber said, slamming his mug down on the table. “What happened to Hiccup was horrible, but it wasn’t her fault.”

“Don’t talk to me about that,” Stoick said, a low dangerous growl, but Gobber had never been afraid of him.

“You never treated that girl the same after what happened. She was young and scared and traumatized, and you’ve always made it clear that you blame her for what happened.” Stoick met Gobber’s glare. “And you know it. And you know that whatever happens to that poor girl; whatever horrors she suffers, and whatever happens next on Berk, no matter if we never see so much as a single Terror ever again, that her blood is still on your hands.” He leaned closer, and his eyes softened. “And you know,” he said, his voice gentler than before,  “That no matter what happens next, it won’t bring Hiccup back.”

Stoick’s hands clenched and he crumpled the paper in his fists. “I know it won’t bring him back,” he said gruffly. “But there’s been enough death. I can’t bring him back, but I can stop anyone else from being killed. One life sacrificed to save a thousand more.” He met Gobber’s gaze, and Gobber could see unshed tears rimming his eyes. “He was my _son_ , Gobber. And I couldn’t protect him. You don’t know what that’s like.”

Gobber rested a hand on his shoulder and leaned closer, his brows wrinkled and eyes growing wet. “Don’t I?” he asked. “I helped you raise that boy, Stoick. I watched him grow, I taught him, I looked after him…” He shook his head and looked down. “I’ve never had any children of my own, but Hiccup was as good as.” He swallowed. “I loved him as if he was.” Stoick’s head bowed, his eyes squeezing shut. Gobber stood. “But you know who else knows how you feel?” Stoick raised his head, peering up at the hard look in Gobber’s eyes.

“The Hoffersons.” He spared his chief no further words as he limped out of the hall.

Xx

Gobber was surprised to see the figure waiting anxiously outside the closed forge doors.

He mustered a smile. “Ingrid, what can I help you with?” He had to stop himself from asking ‘how are you’. Everyone knew the answer to that question. He was surprised to see her out and about. She hadn’t left her home since…well, _since_. She looked more than a little worse for wear. She was pale, and her eyes were gaunt and shadowed, like she hadn’t slept in days. It was likely she hadn’t.

“Oh, well, I…” her eyes fell to the axe she held tightly in her hands. “She always gets it sharpened on Thorsday. And it’s always mattered so much to her to keep it in good condition.” She took a shaky breath. “I just thought I’d get it done for her.”

Gobber gave her a kind smile. “I’d be happy to take care of that for you,” he told her, gently taking the axe from her hands. He sat it down almost reverently on a worktable while he exchanged his mug hand for his hook.  Ingrid took a seat on a crate while he started up the grindstone. He kept a close eye on her as he sharpened the axe. She sat with her back straight but her head down, fists clenched on her lap.

It was a strangely familiar sight.

Astrid used to do the same thing. She’d avoided the forge for months after Hiccup had died, but then she started coming in again, at first just for her axe, and then later, just to be there. At some point her loitering turned into helping. She didn’t have enough of a proclivity for it to be his new apprentice, but she could help with little things, and while they rarely said anything to each other, it was unspoken between them that being in this place was their way of keeping Hiccup close.

“Eh…” He gave careful consideration to the asking of his next question. “Have you or your husband spoken to Stoick today?” Ingrid didn’t move but her eyes flashed to him and the corner of her mouth twitched into half a snarl. It was a look he’d seen a thousand times exactly from Astrid, and his heart ached to see it.

“Why should I have anything to say to Stoick?” she hissed, her voice trembling.

Gobber averted his eyes, back to the axe he was currently rebalancing. “Ehm, no reason. I just eh…thought maybe I heard he wanted to speak with you, but maybe it was someone else. Seems more likely to be someone else.”

Ingrid snorted. “Well, if he _has_ spoken to my husband then I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been speaking to him either.”

So Stoick hadn’t told them yet, it would seem. Gobber wondered if he intended to. He considered telling Ingrid then that it was likely her daughter was still alive, but in the end doubted it would bring her any real comfort. All in all, death was likely the least horrific fate Astrid could have suffered.

He hefted the axe up, weighing it carefully in his hands, before stepping over to Ingrid and presenting it to her. She stood and took it from him, running her hands in gentle caresses over the handle. “Thank you,” she said, her voice a quiet noise against the burning forge fire. “How much?”

Gobber gave her a small smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

Ingrid frowned. “I don’t want your charity, Gobber.”

“It’s not charity,” Gobber told her. “Astrid used to come in here and help out from time to time. I haven’t charged her for having her axe sharpened in two years.”

Ingrid’s round blue eyes rose to meet his. It wasn’t quite a smile, but her expression was grateful. “Thank you, Gobber.” He nodded in reply and she turned and left the shop.

Gobber sighed.

The forge felt empty and quiet.

Just like it had for four years.

Xx

It had been a few days, and they were starting to settle into a routine.

Hiccup and Toothless spent most of their time either in the sky or in the forge, while Astrid split her time between gardening and sewing. The clothes he brought her fit well enough, but Camicazi was larger in the bust and paradoxically smaller in the hips.  The first couple of days she could _feel_ Hiccup’s eyes on her; the skirt stretched too tightly across the curve of her rear, and the neckline fell lower than she’d liked without anything to fill it out.

Sewing had taken a precedent over gardening for a while, there.

For the most part they avoided each other. Hiccup left her to her own devices, and she didn’t bother him unless she really, really needed something and had exhausted all attempts to work it out herself.

She was learning about him, despite her determination not to have anything to do with him.

For starters, he almost always had a flask with him, and most of their conversations seemed to end with him rolling his eyes and taking a rather long draw from it. She would have liked to hope that it was water most of the time, but wasn’t naïve enough to believe that it wasn’t something stronger. She’d yet to see him well and truly drunk yet, though she had seen him at least tipsy one evening after they’d had a shouting match over essentially nothing.

There were a lot of shouting matches over essentially nothing. She didn’t _try_ to be outright hostile with him, she really didn’t. It was just that everything came out that way. He was holding her against her will, and that made civility difficult. She didn’t for a moment want to give him the idea that she was content with the current situation.

Which, she knew, didn’t _help_ her current situation.

He wasn’t going to let her go until he could trust her, and he was never going to trust someone who found it so impossible to trust him, and Astrid wasn’t sure that trusting him was an option. Their shouting matches tended to be just that—a lot of shouting and rehashing the same arguments over and over ad infinitum.

He’d faked his death. No one cared anyway. She’d felt guilty. Boohoo, she never even liked him, what did it matter. Keeping her against her will, couldn’t trust he wouldn’t hurt her, blah blah blah…Neither one of them was big on admitting defeat.

But every so often Hiccup would step forward too quickly, or raise a hand, or his eyes would flash cold, and Astrid would be reminded that she knew so very little of who he was and what he was capable of. It would always make her back off, and she wondered if that was all he wanted to do: scare her into dropping an argument he didn’t have patience for. But she couldn’t take the chance that his body language wasn’t warning of something more violent lurking below the surface.

Beyond that first day and those flashes of anger she hadn’t seen him turn violent. He hadn’t touched her, hadn’t harmed her, but she’d tried harder not to make him truly angry since then. It was Hiccup, and she didn’t want to believe that that kind boy from the forge would hurt her.

But then, she also knew she could not afford to trust that and be wrong.

Her behavior around him was becoming as erratic as his was around her. She wasn’t sure how to treat him: as the boy she knew, or the man she didn’t.

It didn’t just scare her. It bothered her. The things he did, the way he talked and acted; the arrogance, the callousness, the drinking and the girls…

Because it didn’t seem like Hiccup. It seemed wrong, somehow. And it aggravated her, because she didn’t know why she _cared_. It was just like when they were kids, and suddenly Hiccup was the top student in Dragon Training. Hiccup acting strange bothered her. Hiccup not being _Hiccup_ bothered her. Because, because.

It’d been years. And she’d been over it for years. Surely she could at least admit it to herself now.

It bothered her back then because she’d liked him. She’d liked bumbling, weird, eccentric Hiccup. She’d liked him more than she could admit until after he was gone.

She didn’t like him anymore, but it was the same strange feeling. That same sense of wrongness, of Hiccup not doing what he should be doing, of not being where he should be. The same strange sadness.

The same feeling that maybe if he’d stop being so, so… _something_ , then they might be…well, _something_.

She didn’t know what.

Xx

_He wasn’t even going to really go into the forge; he was just passing by on his way to his house, when the faint light caught his eye. Gobber peered inside. There was light filtering out from behind the curtain in the doorway of what had been Hiccup’s workshop._

_“Hello?” he called, stepping into the forge and approaching the little room. “Someone in there? We’re closed now.” He pulled back the curtain. “Astrid?”_

_“Sorry,” she said, glancing up at him, before her eyes fell away. She was sitting on Hiccup’s stool, her knees were drawn up to her chest with her chin resting on them. She was silent for a minute, and then finally, “It’ll be one year tomorrow.”Gobber dropped his gaze and let it wander about the room, over scattered papers and little scale models and scraps of charcoal pencils. “I just…I don’t know. I come in here and it still feels like…him, you know?”_

_Gobber nodded. “That I do, lass.”_

_There was another long pause. “They’re brilliant,” she said, nodding at the papers scattered across the surface of the table. “Some of them are kind of farfetched, but if anyone could have made them work I think he could.” Gobber didn’t doubt that. “_ He _was brilliant. And nobody really noticed.” She sniffed and blinked at the tears Gobber could see forming in the corners of her eyes. “He could have done some really great things.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “He would’ve been amazing.” Her voice cracked on the last word and Gobber had to squeeze his eyes shut to compose himself before he answered her._

_“It’s late,” he said, voice rougher than normal. “You should get some rest.” Astrid made no move to leave. Gobber sighed. “It wasn’t your fault, Astrid,” he told her gently._

_“Everyone keeps saying that,” she said as she climbed to her feet. She’d aged a lot in a year, and not just physically. She was older and wiser and infinitely sadder. He could see a single tear sliding down her cheek as she passed him. “Maybe one day it’ll start to feel true.”_


	6. Deals Struck, Deals Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said I was supposed to be in Spain this week? Well apparently my body hates me, because due to some significant medical problems which are likely complications from acid reflux, I'm stuck at home while the rest of my family is in Spain. Which super duper sucks for me, but on the upside my readers will get your updates as scheduled.
> 
> I really like this chapter. Stuff starts happening.
> 
> BTW: If you ever have questions/comments/wanna chat you can always hit me up on tumblr. I'm thatsnicebutimmarried.

Astrid stopped in the entrance of the forge. He was doing _that_ again. Working shirtless.

It annoyed her to no end. It didn’t seem _safe_ for starters. The leather apron and gloves only covered so much, and there was still so much skin exposed to the possibility of sparks and embers and how he wasn’t covered in burns she didn’t know.

“I put a shirt on when I have to,” was all he’d said when she’d asked.

She couldn’t entirely blame him. As big as the cave was, there was no real airflow, and it could get stifling when he was working.

It was _distracting._

The glow from the flames illuminated every sharp plane and angle, and when he was hammering molten steel she could see the flex of the strong muscles of his back and forearms. And his abs. Hiccup had _abs_. That was not a sentence Astrid thought she would ever be able to use, but it was true.

“Dragon riding builds up a surprising amount of muscle,” he had said the first time he’d caught her staring. Astrid had considered throwing herself into the ocean out of sheer embarrassment.

And when he worked up a sweat? Rivulets dripping down his back, pooling in the dimples at the base of his spine, pants slung low on his hips and hair sticking to his forehead…

He was a sarcastic little asshole and she hated him. He had no damn right to be so attractive.

It made her think things she was not at all okay with thinking.

Because this was _Hiccup._ And he had stolen her glory in dragon training and made everyone think he was dead so he could run off with a dragon. Who even _did_ that?

Well, Hiccup. Hiccup did that. And it was just crazy enough to feel totally typical of Hiccup to have done something that groundbreaking and insane. No one else would have even let a dragon live, let alone save it and then _train_ it.

When she wasn’t busy being angry at him, Astrid had to admit she was kind of impressed.

“Hiccup,” she said, watching him work from the entryway. He ignored her. He did that a lot. She didn’t let it deter her. “Hiccup,” she said again, leaning against the cave wall. “Hiccup. Hiccup. Hey Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hic-”

“YES ASTRID?” Hiccup was glaring when he finally spun around to face her.

Astrid swallowed and kept herself from taking a step back. She held up a bent sewing needle. “Last one bent. I need more.”

Hiccup frowned, taking off his gloves and walking towards her. She could smell him; metal and leather and sweat and _why was she noticing these things?_ “That’s like the fifth one you’ve ruined. What are you even _doing_ with them?” He plucked the bent needle from her hand and examined it.

“I’m sewing. It’s one of the primary uses of sewing needles, as you might have heard.”

Sarcasm had become so rampant in their conversations that they’d stopped rolling their eyes at it by now.

“What have you been sewing, steel?”

“Wool and linen? It’s not my fault your sewing needles suck.”

Hiccup glared at her. “My sewing needles are fine. Clearly you just don’t know what you’re doing.”

Astrid scoffed. “My grandmother was a seamstress, Hiccup. I think I know my way around a needle.”

She didn’t like the way the corner of Hiccup’s mouth quirked upwards. “That kinda sounded dirty.” Astrid sneered at him as he walked to one of the work tables and began sorting through boxes.

“Ugh, what is it with guys and having to make everything sound dirty?”

“I don’t try to make everything sound dirty.”

Astrid rolled her eyes. It hadn’t been completely eliminated from their conversations after all. “Well most guys do. Snotlout was the worst. The things he used to say to me…and he got even worse after he got married.”

Hiccup nearly turned over the wooden cup he was sorting through. He looked at her with eyebrows raised and mouth hanging open. “Snotlout got _married_?” he said, incredulous. “Who the hel would wanna marry Snot?”

“Ruffnut.”

Hiccup’s eyes grew wider and his eyebrows drew dangerously close to his hairline. “ _Ruffnut_ married _Snotlout_?!” There was a high, disbelieving laugh. “How did _that_ happen?”

Astrid shrugged. “Beats the hel out of me. I thought Ruff was crazy when she told me she’d accepted his offer. He and Legs had been chasing her for the better part of a year. Ever since I turned them down. She never showed anything but scorn for either of them.” Astrid studied her feet, because there was a sweat drop that was working its way from Hiccup’s neck down over his collarbone and it was distracting. “To be honest I thought Fishlegs had the better chance but I guess not. She and Snotlout got married at the beginning of last summer. They’ve got a baby on the way.”

“They _what_?” Astrid looked up and stifled a giggle. She might as well have told Hiccup that his dad had grown dragon wings and flown off to join them. He looked somewhere between shocked, disgusted, and amazed. “You’re telling me,” he said slowly, “That not only did Ruffnut _marry_ snot-faced Snotlout, but she actually _consummated it?_ And is now having his _baby_?!” Hiccup frowned and shook his head. “No. No way. You’re messing with me, you’ve gotta be.”

Astrid couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of her. “Well, the kid may not actually be his. She had an affair with a sailor at the end of last summer.”

Hiccup’s eyebrows shot up again. “Seriously?”

Astrid shrugged. “Ruff’s probably banged half a dozen guys since she turned seventeen. So at least there was no chance you would’ve been stuck here with _her_. Given the reputation she’d earned she really did quite well in marrying Snotlout. I mean she’s gonna be a chief’s wife one day, after all.”

Hiccup paused in his searching through boxes. “She will, won’t she? Gods, I forget that Snot’s going to be chief with me gone. There’s a scary thought,” he joked, though his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He pulled a new needle out of the bottom of one box and held it out to her. She took it from his hand and scrutinized it.

“And this one isn’t going to fall apart?”

Hiccup shrugged. “Normally I’d say no, but your method of sewing seems much more destructive than mine, so who can say.”

Astrid glared, before plopping down on an upturned crate and slipping the needle onto the loose thread on the hem of the skirt she was hemming. Camicazi must have been shorter than she was; one of the skirts was far too short on her to be anything approaching modest. Thankfully there was plenty of hem to let down. “Well, maybe I should just stay here and work so I can prove to you that your needles aren’t suffering anything more than my excellent sewing skills.”

Hiccup snorted as he returned to his forge work. She could see blueprints for Toothless’s tail tacked up on the wall. Her best guess is that he was making repairs to some of the metal components. “What excellent sewing skills? You always used to complain about your grandma making you practice sewing.”

Astrid paused, her needle halfway through the fabric, wondering when in their youth he had heard her complaining and how she hadn’t noticed him listening. “I used to hate it,” she admitted. “Then Brenna came along. Mom’s hands were starting to get bad. Joints getting stiff, you know. I had to help make Brenna’s clothes and diapers and things. And then, I dunno.” She shrugged. “I liked making things for her. So I started making Brenna all kinds of things. Toys, dolls.” She smiled. “She’s got this little doll I made her out of rags that she carries around everywhere.” She could picture the little girl now; smiling around the thumb in her mouth as she held her dolly close. She returned to her work. “I dunno. It didn’t seem like such a chore after that.”

“Hm,” was Hiccup’s only reply, and then he was back to hammering metal.

Astrid began to hum after a while; she hadn’t even realized she was doing it until Hiccup said something.

“Are you humming?” Astrid stopped.

“I…I guess I am. Why, is it bothering you? Because I can do it louder.”

She had gotten very familiar with the exasperated sigh Hiccup gave her just then. “No, I was just gonna ask what it was.” He glanced over his shoulder at her. (Such lovely broad shoulders. _No. Bad Astrid. Bad._ ) “I don’t recognize it.”

Astrid waved a hand. “Oh, you wouldn’t. It’s just this silly little song Brenna and I sing when she has bad dreams.”

Hiccup laughed. “A bad dream song?”

Astrid glared at him. “It’s not just bad dreams. She has night terrors sometimes. She comes into my room and we sing her bad dream song until she feels better and feels safe enough to go back to sleep. I’m the only one she’ll let sing it with her.” Her eyes fell and her expression turned sad. “I wonder what she’ll do now.” She started sewing again. There was a moment of silence where she worked and Hiccup stood watching her.

“I’m not poking fun,” he said finally. “It sounds sweet. I take it you and your sister are close?”

Astrid couldn’t help her smile. “Yeah, we’re close. I mean, as close as you can be with a fifteen year age difference. Sometimes I feel more like her mother than her sister, but she’s my everything.” Her grin spread across her face. “She looks up to me more than anyone, wants to be just like me and everything. She used to try to drag my axe around sometimes, so I got Gobber to make her a little wooden one.” She laughed. “She’s a determined little thing. Always curious, always into everything.” Her smile faltered. “The last time I saw her she was crying about not getting to go to my wedding. She’s only three, she didn’t understand what was happening.” Her eyes dropped to the floor and her smile faded. “I wonder what they told her,” she said softly.

There was a long silence before Hiccup spoke. “Maybe they won’t have to tell her anything. You’ll see her again.”

Astrid snorted. “How? You won’t let me leave.”

“Only because I can’t trust you yet.” Hiccup turned back to his work. “I don’t plan on keeping you here forever. I don’t think we’d both come out of it alive.”

Astrid smiled in spite of herself. “You really don’t like having me here, do you?”

He glanced at her over his shoulder, and she could see the slightest smile on his face. “Well, it could be worse.” He grinned. “I could be stuck here with Ruffnut.”

Astrid couldn’t help laughing at that, and he joined her, and after that they fell into the closest thing to companionable silence they’d ever had.

“Hey Astrid?” Hiccup asked a few minutes later.

“Mm?” Astrid said, her needle in her mouth while she adjusted the fold of the hem with her hands.

He looked at her, eyes wide and bright and he looked more like the boy she’d known. “Did we just have an actual conversation that didn’t involve yelling or insults?”

Astrid took the needle out of her mouth and blinked at him. “I think we did. We’re not getting along, are we?”

Hiccup grinned. “Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing. If you’re going to be here a while it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if we learned how not to hate each other.” His smile faded and he sighed, taking his gloves off and coming to sit on a crate beside her. “Look,” he said, giving her a serious look. “You know, I hope, that I’m not keeping you here out of any ill will.” She raised an eyebrow and he grimaced. “I know that things started out kind of rocky--”

“You think?”

“ _But_ ,” he pressed, “There’s no reason why we have to spend all our time fighting. I really am sorry for how things started. And I’m not saying we have to be best friends or anything, but at least, I don’t know, can we call a truce?” He held out a hand.

Astrid considered it. She looked at him. At his big green eyes and crooked, genuine smile, and he looked so open and friendly and _Hiccup_ that her hand was rising to take his before she consciously made the decision to do so. She took her hand in his and shook, watching the way his larger hand wrapped around her smaller one. His hand was calloused but warm and solid in hers, and when he let go her hand felt colder than it had before. “Alright, fine,” she murmured. “Truce.”

Xx

Astrid wiped the sweat from her brow with a dirty hand.  She blew her bangs out of her face and stretched her back, the muscles sore from spending so much of the day hunched over working in the garden.

A sudden gust of air sent her skirt flying as Hiccup and Toothless shot by. The speed at which they flew astounded her. It was hard to see just how fast they were in darkness, but in the afternoon sun Toothless’s true speed became apparent. She’s seen dragons flying above her village all her life, but there was nothing like Hiccup and Toothless when they were in the air. It was astonishing; Toothless needed Hiccup to control his tailfin in order to fly at all, so how they managed the acrobatics and steep dives she had no idea. They shifted seamlessly from corkscrews to dives to gliding to shooting upwards into the clouds, as if they were one being. She watched them wing their way upwards, higher and higher until she lost sight of them in the clouds. Astrid was about to turn back to her gardening when she saw a speck falling out of the sky.

Hiccup. Hiccup was falling.

Without Toothless.

Her first instinct was to panic. He must have fallen off. Maybe something had happened, Hiccup didn’t seem to be moving, didn’t seem to be flailing or anything. A moment later she saw Toothless diving after him. He reached Hiccup and they both fell, side by side. Astrid’s hand covered her mouth and she stifled a scream. Something must have happened. The tailfin had malfunctioned, or they’d hit another dragon above the clouds and now they were hurtling towards the ocean. Toothless might survive the fall, but Hiccup wouldn’t.

Oh gods, he was going to die, and just like before she was powerless to stop it.

They couldn’t have been higher than a few hundred feet when Toothless turned, his back to Hiccup, and she watched Hiccup reach out and pull himself back onto the saddle. At the last second they pulled out of the dive, black wings stretching open and Hiccup’s whoop reaching her as they sped along just above the surface of the water, waves spreading from where they passed.

Astrid’s knees wobbled and gave out, and she fell into the soft dirt, her heart pounding. They had been in no danger. Hiccup was just a daredevil. And she was going to kill him.

After a few minutes of sitting in the mud and letting her heart rate return to normal Astrid stood on shaking feet and picked up her shovel. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly. Hiccup was fine. Hiccup had always been fine. She had no reason to worry. She had no reason to care so much. She exhaled slowly through her mouth and wiped the moisture from the corners of her eyes. She was being silly. He was fine, and she had no reason to be this emotional about it. But for a moment she had been truly frightened, and not just because she would be stuck here if he died.

 She was just in the middle of digging a hole for the cabbage plants when she heard Hiccup’s shout behind her.

“What are you doing!?” She looked around to see Hiccup jumping off of Toothless’s back as soon as the dragon’s feet had hit the ground. His eyes were wide and frantic as he ran over to her, his hands thrust into his hair. “What, what what is this? What have you done?” his voice was high pitched, almost cracking as he turned in circles, staring at the plants sitting in various baskets and jugs and other makeshift pots.

Astrid put her hands on her hips. “I’m gardening.”

Hiccup stared at her. “You’re only supposed to pull up the weeds, Astrid, not the whole garden! Oh, Odin.” He ran his hands over his face and stood helplessly among his half-dug up garden.

Astrid rolled her eyes. “Calm down, Hiccup, I’m just rearranging things. Your spacing is horrible. By the time I’m done with it you’ll be able to grow more things and grow them better. You’ve got roots that are getting tangled and space that you’re wasting, as well as plants that are really not planted deeply enough, and don’t even get me _started_ on that herb garden.” She laughed. “Although I gotta wonder what exactly you need some of those for.”

Hiccup ceased his panicking long enough to give her a confused frown. “What do you mean by that?”

Astrid raised an eyebrow. “Mugwort? Pennyroyal? Handing those out to your fisherman’s daughters?”

Hiccup blinked at her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He shrugged. “But to be fair I don’t know what half those herbs are even for. I broke into a healer’s shop one time and just decided to plant one of everything. I figure if I ever get really sick I’ll just try one of everything to see what helps.”

Astrid laughed. “Yeah, because that is not at all likely to get you killed.” She gave him a smile that managed not to be completely patronizing and pointed at the plants in question. “Moon Tea ingredient, Moon Tea ingredient; not a Moon Tea ingredient but has the same effect on its own; Moon Tea ingredient in some recipes, and,” she pointed at the last plant and raised her eyebrows suggestively, “for after Moon Tea fails.”

She watched Hiccup’s ears turn red. “So that’s what those are for.”

Astrid giggled. “Yeah. Like I said, I wondered if you handed them out to your fishermen’s daughters.”

Hiccup didn’t meet her eye while he spluttered out his response. “I don’t, I don’t hand those out to the girls I—that’d just be weird, and sleazy, and—no, that’s not--I didn’t even know what they did.”

Astrid pursed her lips. “So, what, do you just, like, leave them to deal with your bastard offspring on their own?”

Hiccup’s cheeks reddened to match his ears. “I don’t—I, I do my part to make sure they don’t get pregnant, okay?” he muttered. Astrid hummed, unimpressed. He looked at her from under his bangs. “And besides, all this ‘your fishermen’s daughters’ deal, that’s—you’re making it sound like I’ve got a harem out there or something, and it’s not like that.” He dropped his gaze and shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. “It’s not like it’s something I do very often. And it’s less like I’ve gone and found a bunch of different girls, and more like a couple of the same girls who I’m sort of friends with and I run into them every now and then in port and we…spend time together while we’re both there. That’s it.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow. “How many is a few?”

“What?”

She shrugged. “Look, you’re telling me you’ve turned into some sort of womanizer. Can you blame me for wondering how that happened?”

Hiccup huffed. “I’m not a—look, you’re making me sound a lot worse than I am.”

Astrid sat down on the grass. “Well, then tell me what you are, then. How did Hiccup Horrendous Haddock end up such a skirt chaser, huh?”

He rolled his eyes again and sat down near her, and Toothless padded over and rested his head on Hiccup’s lap. “Don’t be such a prude. I’m not a skirt chaser just because I’ve had sex a few times, okay?” he mumbled. He looked at her, at her raised brows and curious expression and sighed. “Alright. Well, you know I was never exactly popular on Berk, and I got used to being on my own, so it takes a lot for me to really feel lonely. But every so often, I do want some company.” Toothless lifted his head and grumbled indignantly. Hiccup laughed and scratched behind his ear. “Some human company. So, I go into towns. Get the things I need, spend some time around people who don’t know me as Hiccup the screwup. Sometimes those people are girls.”

Astrid picked at the grass by her feet. “You still haven’t said how many.”

Hiccup was quiet for a minute as he frowned at the dirt.

“Wow, you’re actually having to think about this,” Astrid said, not sure if she was more surprised or disgusted. “Must be a lot.”

“Not really, I was just drunk a few of those times.” Hiccup replied, chancing a glance at her. Those green eyes were so piercing in the waning sunlight. “And I haven’t slept with all the girls I’ve met in port. Not all of my dates went that far. I’ve only actually slept with…four girls? Yeah. Four.”

Astrid shifted. Four girls. “I’m not sure if that’s higher or lower than I expected.” She looked at Hiccup, who was blushing again.

“Two of those are friends who I meet up with whenever we’re both in port. The other two were one night things. And then there have been a handful of girls I sort of dated but never slept with.”

For all his smugness the other day Hiccup was looking rather uncomfortable now; she wondered at the change. Astrid looked down at Toothless, who was falling asleep on his master’s lap, his wings outstretched along the ground and tail flicking back and forth lazily. He really did look like a giant housecat.

“So how did this all start?” Astrid said, ripping the grass up more forcefully and trying to decide the best way to phrase her next question. “I mean when did you stop being so…” she waved her hand around, “Like you were, and started being all…” she felt her cheeks heating up as she gestured to Hiccup.

Her gaze flickered to his face and she saw him giving her an amused smile. “When did I stop being a talking fishbone?”

Astrid busied herself scrubbing dirt off her fingernails with the hem of her skirt. “Well you’re still kind of a fishbone, but…yeah.”

“I started shooting up awhile after I turned sixteen. I grew half a foot in the space of a summer. I spent half my time sewing that year just trying to keep up with all the clothes I was outgrowing. I didn’t even realize how much I had changed until I met up with this girl I’d met before and she looked at me like…” he shrugged. “I dunno, like I was worth looking at.”

Astrid wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. “Was she one of your girls?”

Hiccup couldn’t meet her eyes as he mumbled his answer. “She was my first, yeah.” He cleared his throat.  “See, that first year after I left Berk, Toothless and I travelled a lot. We avoided people for the most part, except for when I had to sneak into villages to get supplies, but one day we flew by this little fishing boat getting attacked by some marauders and well, I couldn’t just leave them. So we swooped in, scared off the pirates, and surprisingly the family on the boat weren’t really afraid of us. They’d seen dragons before but where they came from they didn’t really attack. The parents didn’t really trust me much, even though they were thankful, but they had a daughter my age, Heather.” He smiled.

 “Nothing happened then; she was nice and friendly but—well we were just kids and I spent all of a day with them. But then a couple years later I ran into her again in port, just by chance. We hung out a bit, just catching up, and there may have been mead involved. I mean, we weren’t drunk or anything, but inhibitions were definitely lowered. It started out just us joking around, you know, ‘Oh, how am I ever gonna meet anyone, we’re always sailing, we’re never in one place long enough for me to meet any guys.’ ‘Oh, how about me, I run around with a dragon’, and then the more we talked the less it seemed like a joke. She was pretty, she was a friend, and she commented on how much I’d changed, and at some point we both just thought, ‘what the hel?’ and…yeah.” Hiccup nodded.

Astrid hummed. Saving people from marauders. That sounded more like the Hiccup she remembered. Stupid and noble. “You still see her?”

He nodded again. “I see her the most. She’s the closest thing to a real friend I’ve had in a long time, and she and Toothless get on alright.”

Astrid cocked her head to the side. “She’s not afraid of him?”

Hiccup shook his head and shot her a smile. “Nope. And you wouldn’t be either if you gave him a chance.” Astrid’s eyes swept over the great black dragon, spread out and dozing in the grass.

“So do you love her?” she asked, watching the way Toothless smiled in his sleep as Hiccup stroked along his head.

“No.” She looked at Hiccup. He was watching her closely. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good friend, and she’s nice and we have fun together, but she’s not…anything more. I’ve never really been in love.” His eyes dropped to Toothless. “Well, I mean I thought I was in love with you, but I hardly knew you.” Astrid watched his hands trail over the small spikes on Toothless’s head. He had such nimble hands. There was something about them she liked.  That she’d always liked. They used to draw her attention when he was working on things in Gobber’s forge. Hiccup spent half the time looking like he didn’t know what he was doing, but when he was working with his hands it was like…that’s what he should always be doing. “I’ve still never really liked anyone as much as I did you.” She looked up at Hiccup’s quiet confession.

“You wouldn’t have liked me if you knew me,” she found herself saying.

“If you’d known me you still wouldn’t have liked me,” came Hiccup’s quiet response.

For a split second she considered telling him that she _had_ liked him. But he was right, she hadn’t known him. Maybe if she had she wouldn’t have felt the same. The mutual hostility of the last few days seemed evidence in favor of that theory.

“But you know who you _would_ like if you got to know them?” Hiccup asked, a smile spreading across his face. Astrid raised an eyebrow and he grinned at her. “Toothless.”

“Hiccup…”

“Astrid, you’re stuck here with him too; you might as well give him a chance. He won’t hurt you.”

Astrid sighed. Beyond that first day Toothless had shown no signs of aggression towards her, even when she was shouting at Hiccup. He didn’t seem to like it, but he also seemed aware that it wasn’t something he should get into. But he was a Night Fury, that should count for something, shouldn’t it?

A Night Fury who had caught Hiccup when they were both falling though the sky. She looked at Hiccup, at the grin on his face, and then at Toothless, sprawled out on the ground and enjoying the dying sunlight.

She took a deep breath. “Fine.”

Hiccup’s grin split his face. When he smiled at her, genuinely smiled at her, he looked so much more like the boy she knew and less like the stranger he had become. He reached for her hand and she let him bring it slowly to Toothless’s snout. The scales were warm and smooth under her hand, and she experimentally stroked up and down the dragon’s nose. “See?” Hiccup said, “He’s fine, he’s--”

Toothless’s ears perked and his head snapped up, eyelids opening to reveal pupils narrowed to slits. Astrid gasped and jerked her hand back. She didn’t know what she’d done wrong, but then again Toothless wasn’t even looking at her. “What did I do, what’s--” Suddenly a hand was gripping her chin and pulling her head up. Astrid stared out across the ocean. There in the distance, so faint she could barely see, was a small grey smudge against the darkening sky. “What is that?” she asked.

“Dragons, heading out on a raid.” Hiccup released her chin. She glanced at him. His brow was furrowed and a frown pulled at the corners of his mouth. There was a grumble and she looked at Toothless. He was standing up, shaking out his wings and stepping nervously from foot to foot with his ears down flat. He barked and whined, obviously restless. Hiccup stood and wrapped his arms around the sleek black head. “I know, bud, I know.” The dragon’s eyes softened and his pupils grew and rounded. “She must be hungry tonight.”

“Where are they going?” Astrid asked as Hiccup climbed into the saddle and pulled his helmet out of his bag.

He sighed, not looking at her. “They’re headed for Berk.”

He’d pulled on his helmet and he and Toothless were diving off the cliff side before she had time to say another word.

Xx

Stoick stared, horror-struck, at the skies above his village.

They were everywhere. Soaring over the sheep pens and the yak fields. His people were fighting back bravely but there were so many of them. There hadn’t been this many of them at once in a long, long time.

Dragons. Swarms of them.

And among them, leading them, swooping down and destroying their catapults, was the rider and his Night Fury.

Stoick’s blood boiled. He hefted his war hammer and swung it into the metal bracers of one of the bonfire torches. The clanging filled the air as he glared at the skies and bellowed, “DRAGON MASTER!” He watched the black shape pass him by, barely low enough to be seen in the torchlight. He didn’t have to see the rider’s face to know he was looking at him. “We had a deal!” Stoick roared, the clang of metal on metal punctuating his every word. “WE. HAD. A. DEAL!”

The Dragon Master turned his attention away, and a second later he and the dragon had dove out of sight. Stoick heard the screams as another catapult exploded, but his eyes were fixed upwards, as the Night Fury came into view again. The Dragon Master threw something high into the air as he passed overhead.

The object caught the light and for a second Stoick caught a glint of gold, before it was falling, falling, hitting the ground and rolling towards him.

Astrid’s bridal crown came to rest at his feet.


	7. Run as Fast as You Think You Can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dances* So excited about this chapter y'all. We finally get into the hot mess that is Hiccup's headspace right now. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: I'm thinking that we are reaching the point where updates may need to move to once a week. Chapters get longer, which takes me longer to write, and there just isn't a good way to break them up. I'll have a definitive answer on Monday.
> 
> Warnings for implied noncon. Chapter title from "Long Road to Hell" by Avicii

They were at a standoff.

“I’m not doing this. You can’t make me.”

The large green eyes staring down at her allowed no argument.

“I’m serious. I know what you’re trying to do and I won’t do it.” Astrid stared back, just as determined. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, but she wasn’t backing down. He had her cornered. “I refuse. I don’t care what you do to me, I am _not_ doing _this._ ”

She received an irritated grumble in reply.

“I don’t care if you’re disappointed. Hiccup may be fine with this, but I’m not.” She gingerly lifted the half-eaten cod off her lap and tossed it back to the dragon looming over her. Toothless leaned down, picked the fish up by the very end of its tail, and deposited it back in Astrid’s lap. She groaned. “Toothless, if you want to make friends, then okay, fine, we’ll make friends. I will pet you and scratch your chin all you want, but I draw the line at eating something that has been in a dragon’s stomach.”

The Night Fury didn’t move. He continued to sit on his haunches and watch her.

Astrid sighed. “Okay, look, I will make you a deal.” She reached up to the table behind her and felt around blindly until she found what was meant to be her breakfast. Well, it was closer to lunch now. She’d spent half the night lying awake worrying about what would happen when Hiccup reached Berk, and as a result had slept well into the day. Hiccup was still asleep, hence why Astrid was facing off against his dragon alone. “How about this instead?” Astrid asked, making a show of smiling up at him while she took a large bite out of the smoked salmon, held it in her mouth for a moment, then spit it out into her hand and presented it to him.

Toothless blinked, frowning, then leaned down to sniff at her offering. Those large green eyes regarded her inquisitively, and Astrid tried an encouraging smile. “See? I’m willing to meet you halfway, here.” The dragon continued to stare and Astrid began to lose hope. The half-chewed salmon was sticky in her palm and she really would have liked to drop it. Finally Toothless gave her a gummy smile and—

“Uuuargh!” Astrid squealed in disgust as Toothless closed his whole mouth over her outstretched hand, his tongue sweeping the salmon off her palm. He pulled his head back, releasing her hand and leaving everything from the middle of her forehand down covered with slobber. Astrid groaned again and tried to shake the heavy ropes of saliva off her arm. “Oh, Toothless!” She shivered, repulsed, and shook her head. “You really couldn’t do this without making it disgusting, could you?”

Toothless just trilled and smiled at her. Astrid softened despite herself. “Well,” she said, wiping her hand off on her skirt, “At least I know you like me.” Toothless chirped and nosed at the uneaten fish, his large eyes looking up at her hopefully. Astrid laughed and gave it to him, this time tossing it in the air. “Either that or you’re just hungry and Hiccup isn’t up yet.” The dragon cackled his thanks and curled up in front of her, nuzzling into her stomach and effectively trapping her against the stone wall of the kitchen. Astrid sighed. So much for finishing her breakfast.

Still, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. The open ceiling meant this cave was nearly always a little chilly, and the dragon radiated heat. Astrid placed a tentative hand on his head, and when Toothless opened an eye to peer at her, like he was waiting, she gave in and started stroking slowly up and down. The green eye closed and the dragon purred, a happy little rumble in the back of his throat that made Astrid giggle.

“You really are a giant housecat, aren’t you?” Toothless warbled as if to say that yes, he was, and he was very proud of that. Astrid grew bolder; she ran her nails over the smooth scales and up to the nubs that she assumed were Toothless’s ears and scratched behind them the way she had seen Hiccup do. That’s when she noticed them.

There were many scars dancing up and down along Toothless’s body, most of them scratches that looked like they’d come from other dragons, but these lines were different. Thicker, more rounded, and crisscrossing in places. Then Toothless drew his front leg close to his neck and she noticed that one of the lines on his leg, if he were to move it slightly higher, matched up perfectly with one of the lines on his neck.

_“Okay, but I hit a Night Fury.”_

She looked at the other lines, the ones that crossed at the junction of his wings, that wrapped around his hind legs…

_“It’s a long distance, high powered bola-slingshot. I could shoot a dragon right out of the sky with this baby. Yep, next raid, I’m totally gonna be testing it out…”_

Her hand ran around the side of Toothless’s head, and her fingers traced the scar along his neck. He leaned into her touch, and she couldn’t help smiling and scratching under his chin. There was something she’d seen Hiccup do, some place where---there. The dragon melted under her touch, his wings relaxing and tail swishing back and forth along the ground.

The motion caught her eye.

She hadn’t really looked at it too closely; Toothless was almost always wearing the prosthetic. According to Hiccup he liked the feeling of the weight there. Without it she could see on one side the small ragged lip that was all that remained of his left tailfin. She analyzed the right one; the skin was thick and tough, and the veins that ran through it and connected it to the tail were thicker still. It must have taken a huge amount of force to rip the fin so completely from the tail.

It must have been so painful.

“You poor thing,” she found herself whispering. She could picture the scene in her mind; Toothless tied up and alone in the woods, terribly afraid and in excruciating pain…trapped and grounded while he watched the other dragons fly away… “You must have been so afraid,” she murmured, her other hand rising to scratch behind one nub-like ear. “Watching them all leave you to die.” Her voice caught and she cleared her throat. “I know what that’s like…”

 She frowned at the mangled tail. “Hiccup did that to you.” Those expressive green eyes opened to watch her. “Hiccup did that to you and you forgave him.” She received a grumble in reply. “You were trapped, and injured, and your survival depended on him,” she mused, and gave him a small smile. “I definitely know what that’s like.” Her smile faded and she pondered the tail and its ripped fin. “So the question is, did you forgive him because you wanted to, or because you had to?”

Toothless lifted his head off her lap and swung his tail around to the front of his face. He looked from the ruined fin to her face, then let his tail fall back. He gave her a low roar and the corners of his mouth lifted in a smile, his eyes wide and happy while his shoulders rolled in what could have been a shrug. _It doesn’t matter_ , he seemed to say, before he leaned in and his wet pink tongue darted out to lick the side of her face. _I gained more than I lost._

Astrid’s laughter surprised her. “I wish I could find it so easy to forgive him.” She took Toothless’s jaw in her hands and shook it playfully. “Maybe people are just more stuck in their ways than dragons.”

“That’s been my experience.”

She looked up to see Hiccup stumbling into the cave, hands pressed into his eyes.

Astrid sat up as best she could with Toothless nuzzling into her. “So, what happened last--”

“Shh, sh, shh.” Hiccup held up a hand, his other shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight shining overhead. “Not so loud,” he mumbled. “Hangover.”

Astrid frowned as she watched Hiccup kneel by the stream and splash water into his face. “Too bad, I need to talk to you. It’s not my fault you’re an alcoholic.”

Hiccup paused in drinking water from his cupped hands. “I’m not an alcoholic.”

Astrid pursed her lips. “Actually, you kind of are. You’re almost always drinking.”

He didn’t look at her. “I drink a lot. I don’t have a drinking problem. There’s a difference.”

 “What kind of a difference?”

“I drink a lot but I could stop if I wanted to.” Astrid scoffed, but Hiccup shot her a glare and continued. “Alcoholics drink because they can’t stop and because it’s how they deal with their problems.”

Astrid shook her head. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Hiccup, but you’ve just described yourself. You’re _always_ drinking, and it usually has to do with your problems. You drink when you’re annoyed at me, and you drink after raids, and the worse the raid is the more hungover you are in the morning.” She gestured at him. “Example A. You look terrible, so I’m going to guess that last night was really bad and you got wasted to deal with it.” Hiccup drew in his bottom lip in that way he usually did when he knew he had no response.

“I could stop if I wanted to,” was the response he settled with.

Astrid sighed. “I rest my case.”

Hiccup ignored her. He also ignored her when she tried again to ask about the previous night’s raid.

“Excuse me, Toothless,” Astrid murmured, standing and walking to where Hiccup was removing his shirt and beginning to splash water on his face and neck. He didn’t noticed when she crept up behind him, grabbed him by his hair, and dunked his head into the shallow stream.

He came up gasping and spluttering. “What the fuck was that for?!” He coughed and glared at her, wet hair dripping water down his neck and back and over the planes of his bare chest and…and Astrid was not noticing any of that. Nope. Not even the droplets catching in the sparse red hair on his chest that thickened around his belly button and trailed down to his waistband… “…to drown me?”

Astrid blinked. Hiccup was still giving her that incredulous glare. She cleared her throat. “You were under for less than a second. You wouldn’t have drowned. Now sober up, I need to talk to you.” She crossed her arms. “What happened last night? I’m guessing from the state you’re in that it wasn’t good.”

Hiccup sighed and stood, hands running through his hair and attempting to shake the water out. “Fine,” he mumbled, and shot a glare over her shoulder at Toothless. “Thanks for stopping her from drowning me there, bud.”

Toothless gave his master an indignant bark before rolling over onto his back to enjoy the sun on his belly.

Astrid smiled. “I think that means he’s on my side.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “Mutinous reptile. Okay, okay, fine!” He backed away from Astrid’s light punches. “You wanna know what happened, okay.” He picked up his shirt and used it to dry his hair as he leant against the table. “Well they weren’t happy, I can tell you that. My dad was really pissed.” His eyes shifted to the ground. “Kept goin’ on about how I went back on our deal. As if I ever actually agreed to anything. I think I might have made him feel guilty about what he did to you, though.”

Astrid nodded and shuffled her feet. “And…did you see my parents?”

Hiccup was quiet for a moment. “Yeah. Just briefly. There was a lot going on, so it wasn’t like I could get a good look or anything.”

Astrid took a step forward. “And?” Hiccup didn’t answer. She took another step closer, leaning down to try to force him to look at her. “And?” Hiccup sighed.

“I think your mom was crying. She was screaming at my dad; your dad was holding her back. I don’t know what she was saying but I can guess.”

Astrid nodded and slumped against the table next to him. “Good,” she said, and felt Hiccup’s eyes on her. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “They didn’t try to save me. They gave me up in vain and I want them to feel guilty for that.”

“You’re angry at them.” It wasn’t a question. Astrid frowned at her feet.

“They gave me up. Their oldest child and they gave me up without a fight. They knew what would likely happen to me but they didn’t fight it. Why wouldn’t I be angry at them?”

They stood in silence for a moment before she heard Hiccup’s tentative reply. “It could be worse. You only ended up with me.”

Astrid grit her teeth. “Winding up here with you instead of some demonic helbeast doesn’t exactly soften the blow of betrayal from my entire village, Hiccup. You were there. No one on Berk tried to save me.”

She heard his angry huff and looked up to see him shaking his head. That hard, cold look was back in his eyes. “Just when I think Vikings can’t disappoint me any more. They’d rather give up one of their own in a superstitious attempt at bargaining than just stop the fighting.”

Astrid watched his brooding stare. “You talk about Vikings like you aren’t one.”

“I’m not,” he said immediately, voice harsh. He looked at her. “Vikings are cowardly killers who’d rather keep fighting something they don’t understand than stop to even consider another option. And even when they do, they never consider peace.” His eyes narrowed, and though his look was one of utter disgust it was clear he wasn’t really directing it at her. “They consider something as barbaric as virgin sacrifice before they consider peace. What kind of people does that?”  

Astrid shrugged. “They were afraid. People do strange things when they’re afraid.”

Hiccup nodded. “Yes they do. They lash out. And they’d rather lash out than try to understand. And not just with dragons.” He looked at Toothless. “We’ve travelled far. Vikings have spread out far across the world; down through the southron kingdoms, even as far as the Mediteranean Sea and the Byzantine Empire. And what have they done? Conquer. Attack. Pillage and destroy. If it’s not dragons, it’s other people.” He looked at her again. “Dragons fight because they have to. They raid because they have to. They fight back to defend themselves. Vikings fight because they can’t conceive of peace. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that dragons aren’t the monsters. Humans are.”

Astrid matched his glare. “And what about you?” she challenged. “You’re human.”

He dropped his eyes. “I didn’t say I’m any better.” He pushed off from the table. “I have work to do.” He gestured to Toothless as he passed. “C’mon, bud. I need your help.” Toothless stretched and purred and gave Astrid a wide smile before he followed Hiccup out of the cave.

Astrid watched them go, a frown curving her lips. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She sighed, shaking her head, and turned back to her breakfast.

Xx

She screamed.

She screamed and she begged and pleaded and he didn’t let go. She was strong but he was stronger than he used to be, and right now he had the advantage. He held her hands above her head with one of his while his other hand pressed her twisting hips into the stone. She had ignored him for so long. She hated him now, for a slew of things he’d had no control over and handful of things he had. She would _never_ want him this way, never give this to him willingly.

But she didn’t have to be willing. He could take her. He _would_ take her.

Astrid’s shrieks filled the cave around them as he parted her legs and forced himself on her.

Xx

He awoke panting, Toothless’s eyes wide and worried as they watched him.

Hiccup sat up, pushing off the heavy fur and wiping away the bangs plastered to his forehead. He pulled off the shirt that stuck to his back and chest and tossed it across the room. Toothless warbled beside him and Hiccup shook his head.

“I’m fine, bud, I’m fine,” he said, his breathing still erratic. He rested his elbows on his legs and dropped his face into his hands. He felt tears brimming in his eyes and wiped them away. He was trembling; his mouth was dry and his chest felt tight. Hiccup kicked off the fur and climbed to his shaky feet.  Toothless rumbled in concern but Hiccup waved him away. “I’m fine, I just…I need some water, okay? I’ll be back soon.”

He fumbled for his sword but couldn’t find it, and the dying embers in the firepit weren’t enough to look for it. Hiccup shrugged and stumbled towards the middle passageway out of the cavern. Light wasn’t important; he could navigate these tunnels in his sleep, and he didn’t want heat, not right now. The cold air was refreshing on his fevered skin.

His heart was pounding so hard he wondered if it was reverberating off the cave walls, or if that was just the sound of his footsteps and heavy breathing. He leant a hand against the nearest wall, partially for support and part to help him find his way. Finally he staggered into the kitchen, moonlight and the dying fire providing barely enough illumination to see. Hiccup lurched across the room and fell to his knees beside the stream. He scooped up the cool water and drank eagerly before splashing it over his face. He stood and grabbed a wooden bowl from the nearest table and used it to douse his head and back. Hiccup shivered; the water was frigid but refreshing. It helped to snatch him from the remnant of his nightmare and anchor him to the here and now. He let the bowl roll away as he sat back against the cave wall and drew his knees close to his chest. He rested his elbows against them and pressed his palms into his eyes.

“I wouldn’t have done it,” he mumbled to himself, “I wouldn’t have done it. I _didn’t_ do it, because I wouldn’t have.” Hiccup shook his head. “I wouldn’t have. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I _wouldn’t_.”

“Hiccup?”

Hiccup’s head snapped up. Standing in the doorway was Astrid, wrapped in a thick blanket with her hair loose and flowing over her shoulder and her little torch in her hand. She was frowning at him, her brows furrowed in concern.

“Astrid?”

She took a tentative step closer to him. “Hiccup, are you okay?”

Hiccup cleared his throat and shook his head, icy water droplets shaking loose and dripping onto his shoulders. He shivered. “Yeah, yeah. Not that you care, but yeah.”

“Well I do sort of care,” Astrid said, lighting the fire with her torch before extinguishing it and dropping it by the hearth. She approached and leaned down to inspect him. The front of her—his, actually—tunic drooped low and he caught a glimpse down it when he looked up. He quickly averted his eyes. “In a, if-you-die-I’m-screwed sort of way. Plus I would hate to have to break the news to Toothless.” He caught her growing frown out of the corner of his eye. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, Astrid,” Hiccup replied, his tone harsher than he’d intended. “Sorry,” he added. “I’m fine. What are you doing up?”

Astrid straightened up and Hiccup looked back at her. She held up a clay jug. “Thirsty. Kinda hungry, too.” She knelt by the stream and began filling the jug with water. She turned her head to look at him and her hair fell over her shoulder; a golden waterfall that shimmered in the soft glow from the fledgling fire. It was longer than he’d realized. The blonde waves fell at least to her waist, perhaps her hips at the longest. “What about you?” She looked at him and for a moment Hiccup forgot how to answer.

Damn her.

He wasn’t as hopelessly in love with her as he had been when they were kids, but he couldn’t deny to himself that an attraction had arisen anew, at least physically. She was as stunning as she’d always been, more so even, now that she’d grown up.

Those beautiful plump pink lips twisted into a frown.

“Hiccup?” He blinked. “Hiccup, are you sure you’re okay? You look really pale.” Hiccup shook his head and dropped his gaze.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Astrid shuffled over and sat down beside him. “Any particular reason you’re sitting half-naked and wet in the dark in the middle of the night?”

“It’s nothing,” he lied, “It’s stupid. Just ah, just a…bad dream. It’s dumb. Doesn’t matter.”

“Oh.” He glanced at Astrid, who had set her jug down beside her and was playing with a few strands of her hair. “I could sing you my little sister’s bad dream song?” She gave him a smile that faded quickly when he didn’t return it. She pursed her lips. “What was your dream about?”

Hiccup looked away. “It doesn’t matter. Just go back to bed, I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to be so mean about it, I was just trying to help,” Astrid said quietly. “I was curious as to what you could possibly be afraid of.”

That made Hiccup look up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Astrid shrugged, working on a small braid in part of her hair. “What’s the boy who trained a dragon got left to be afraid of?”

A smile tugged at the corner of Hiccup’s lips unbidden. “Just because I’m not afraid of dragons doesn’t mean I’m not afraid of anything.” Astrid looked at him.

“Then what are you afraid of?”

Hiccup sighed and cast his eyes towards the starry sky above them. “Lots of things. The usual stuff, I guess. Death, terrible illness…I’m not too fond of spiders.” Astrid elbowed him and Hiccup smiled. “The tail rig breaking, my dad--”

“Your dad?”

He looked at Astrid to see her giving him a quizzical frown. Hiccup blinked at her. “Yeah, my dad. Why?”

“You’re afraid of your dad?”

Hiccup shifted under her gaze. “Yeah, isn’t everyone a little afraid of their parents?”

Astrid’s eyebrows drew further together. “Not really, no.”

Hiccup shrugged. “Well, you know what I mean. Everyone’s a little afraid of their parents when it comes to getting in trouble.”

Astrid nodded, but the concerned confusion didn’t leave her face. “No one wants to get in trouble, but I’m not sure that’s really the same as being _afraid_ of their parents.”

“Oh.” Hiccup stared at his feet. “Well, not everyone has a dad like mine, I guess.”

They were silent for a minute; the whole time Hiccup could feel Astrid staring at him. Finally she spoke. “Things really weren’t good between you and your dad, were they?”

Hiccup shook his head. “No. They weren’t.”

There was another moment of silence before Astrid began, her voice gentler than he had heard it in a lot time, “Hiccup? Did your dad ever…I mean,” Hiccup looked up and watched Astrid frowning at her hands. “He didn’t ever like, hit you, or anything, did he?”

“No,” Hiccup answered immediately, shaking his head, and Astrid looked at him. “No, I mean he wasn’t ever abusive, or anything like that. He just wasn’t…” Hiccup shrugged. “I don’t know, he just wasn’t much of anything. If he wasn’t yelling at me because I’d screwed something up then he just kind of ignored me.”

Hiccup decided he did not like the look of sympathy Astrid was giving him. It was more than sympathy. It was pity. He considered saying something; telling her that he didn’t need her pity. That he’d left that life behind a long time ago and that his father’s disapproval no longer meant anything to him. But he stopped himself. She didn’t mean anything by it. Not everyone had parents like his father, apparently. She was trying to be understanding, not unkind.

“It could be worse,” she said, trying a bitter smile. “My parents gave me up to be raped and murdered.”

Hiccup gave her a small smile in return and reached out what was meant to be a comforting hand on her shoulder, but Astrid flinched, her arm recoiling away from his touch. Hiccup’s hand hovered in midair for a second before he retracted it. Astrid looked away from him, a hint of fear in her eyes as she readjusted the blanket around her shoulders.

“Astrid?” Hiccup asked, noticing how she seemed suddenly uncomfortable. “Are you scared of me?”

She was quiet for a long moment. Finally, very softly and without looking at him she whispered, “Yes.” She hugged herself a little tighter and sat up straight in what seemed to be an attempt at bravado. “It’d be stupid of me not to.”

Hiccup watched the tension in her jaw, the flexing muscle in her neck. She was nervous. “Why?”

She looked at him, eyes full of fear and incredulity. “Why do you think?” She bit her bottom lip and shrugged. “As long as I’m here you hold all the cards, all the power. You’re perfectly capable of hurting me if you wanted to, you made that abundantly clear.”

Hiccup frowned at her. “I’m not going to hurt you, Astrid, I’ve said that over and over.”

Astrid’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. You have. You’ve said that a lot. And as much as I’d love to believe you I put myself in danger the second I do.” The lines around her eyes softened and she looked more afraid than angry. “Trusting what men say is how girls get hurt in this world.” She seemed to shrink into herself, and it occurred to Hiccup that he had never seen her look this vulnerable. “I spent four days sitting in a locked room waiting for a dragon raid, knowing that the best I could hope for was a quick death while also being aware that it was very, very unlikely that I would get off that easy.” Her eyebrows drew together and she looked away from him, towards the fire, and Hiccup was surprised to see the shine of tears in her eyes. “You have no idea what that’s like,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She swallowed. “I would like to think I’m safer with you, and in some ways maybe I am.” Her brows were furrowed when she looked at him again. “But the fact is that I don’t know you, Hiccup. I didn’t know you that well when we were kids and I don’t know you that well now. I don’t know what you’re capable of.”

She turned away and her face disappeared behind the curtain of her hair. Hiccup watched her for a long moment, completely at a loss.

“Astrid,” he said finally, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Hiccup--”

He reached out and grasped her hand tightly in his own. Astrid whimpered and when she snatched her hand away he let her. There it was again, that fear in her eyes. He could only hope she could see the apology in his. “Astrid. I _swear_ , on the gods, on Toothless, on anything you want me to, that I am _not_ going to hurt you in any way.” Her eyes widened slightly but he knew she was far from convinced. Hiccup sighed. “I know that what I did that first day crossed a line. I wanted to scare you, I wanted…I don’t know. You were causing problems and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to continue to bother me like that. I handled that really badly. You’d just spent several days thinking you were likely going to be raped.” Hiccup wet his lips. “Making you think I was going to do that to you was way out of line. And I’m sorry. I really, really am truly sorry for how I’ve treated you. What can I do to prove to you that I won’t hurt you?”

Astrid sighed. “Aside from taking me home?”

Hiccup felt his stomach drop. “Astrid, you know I can’t.” She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off. “Berk has just seen that their offering failed. Until I see how they’re going to handle that, I really don’t think it’s safe there for you.” He watched Astrid’s shoulders droop. “I’m sorry,” he added. “But in the meantime I want you to _feel_ safe here.”

Astrid sighed again, looking at her hands. “Well. If I’m going to be here for a while then there’s something I need you to do. And you’re not going to like it.”

Hiccup sat up straighter. “Whatever you need, milady.”

“Don’t call me that,” Astrid snapped, but softened almost immediately. “I need you to get me some things from home. Not anything that would be missed,” she added at the look on his face, “just a few things I can’t go much longer without. Like some real shoes.” Even in the dim light he could see the blush stealing over her face. “And. Well. I can’t keep washing my underwear and bindings every single night and hoping they dry before morning.”

Hiccup felt his face turning red. If she washed her underclothes and hung them up to dry every night, then what was she wearing now? Was she wearing _anything_ now? “Are you—are you saying that you want me to break into your house and steal your undergarments?”

Astrid’s face turned scarlet. “I’m not saying I want you to!” she growled, “Just that I sort of need you to. And. That’s not the only thing.” She huffed a sigh and refused to look at him. “I need you to go soon. Like, in the next couple of days. I’ve got a little box in my trunk at home with things I’m going to need really soon.”

Hiccup cocked his head to the side. “What kind of things? What do you need? I’ve got a lot of things here, and I can get almost anything at the open market next week--”

Astrid shook her head. “This isn’t something you’re likely to have laying around, and I don’t think it can wait until next week. I’ve got a few more days at most.”

Hiccup frowned. “A few more days until what?”

He watched Astrid’s mouth squirming. She huffed again. “Until I start bleeding, okay?”

“Bleeding? I’ve got bandages if you get hurt--”

“Not that kind of bleeding,” Astrid hissed.

Hiccup blinked at her. “Wait, if not that kind of bleeding, then what do you—oh. You mean, like--”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence overtook them.

“So?”

Astrid was staring at him hopefully from underneath her bangs. Hiccup nodded. “I’m completely out of my depth when it comes to that sort of thing. You want me to go get your box, then…okay. It’s too late to go tonight, but I’ll go tomorrow if there’s no raids anywhere else.”

Astrid nodded. “Thank you.” She stood, and paused, looking down at him with a strange expression on her face. Then she took the blanket off her shoulders and wrapped it around his.

“You must be cold,” she said simply, and gave him a small shy smile before she left the room.

Hiccup watched her go, and once she’d left he pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. It was warm from her body heat, and when he buried his nose in it he could smell her, that same delicious earthy scent he’d smelled on her the day she’d kissed him. He could remember the sweet smell of her when he’d pressed his lips into the side of her pale neck…

He didn’t like remembering that day. He told himself that he wouldn’t have done it. That he never would have taken it any further; that as soon as she told him to stop that he would have, every time.

What he didn’t like admitting was that he could have.

In that moment, he could have.  Astrid was a Viking. A heartless killer, and it would have been so easy for his ears to fall deaf to her pleas. He’d wanted to teach her a lesson. He’d felt powerful. He’d felt miles away from the boy who peered at her from behind the grindstone at the forge. It wasn’t even about sex. Seeing Astrid, someone he had always associated with strength and fearlessness cowering beneath him had made him feel stronger than he had in a long time…

It scared him. He’d left Berk because he couldn’t kill a dragon. When did the boy who couldn’t kill a dragon become a man who could have raped Astrid?

Hiccup drew his legs closer to his chest. “I wouldn’t have done it,” he whispered again, squeezing his eyes shut and knocking his head against his knees. “I wouldn’t have done it.”

He choked back a sob, and wondered, not for the first time, when dragons had started seeming more like people to him than people did.


	8. Innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few things to talk about: 1. There may or may not be an update on Thursday. Assume there won't be so that you'll be pleasantly surprised if there is. We're moving into the story getting heavier which means chapters take longer to write which means we are moving towards once a week updates. 2. It's a slow burn sort of thing but the romance is coming. 3. This fic will live up to its rating. Big time. We're a long way from that happening but eventually there will be frickle fracking. 
> 
> Warning: Bee bop boop. Mild maturish content ahead.

Hiccup’s feet landed lightly on the wooden floor.

He glanced out the window and waved to Toothless, who nodded before turning and bounding through the shadows for the treeline. Tonight could not have been more perfect for this mission; the moon was a pale sliver hidden by clouds, plunging the whole of Berk into near-complete darkness. Hiccup stood still by the window while his eyes adjusted to the small room.

It was simple, utilitarian: bed pushed against the wall, a small table beside it, and a couple of trunks in the corner with Astrid’s axe leaning up against the side of one.

Hiccup sighed, his breath moistening the inside of his mask. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He crept across the room and lifted the candle sitting on the table. He used a spark from his sword to light it, and glanced out the window. On a night as dark as this even a small light would be noticed, especially in the room of a girl who was supposed to be gone. Hiccup was careful to keep his footsteps light as he crossed the room to the trunks. He stopped in front of them. Astrid had just mentioned one trunk. It was bad enough he was having to dig through her things without having to guess which things he was supposed to be digging through.

He kneeled down in front of one of them and placed the candle on the floor at his side. He’d go through both if he had to, and was just about to open one when he heard the door open and close behind him.

Hiccup spun around on his knee, hand flying for his sword, and froze.

Standing by the door was a little girl.

She stared at him out of big blue eyes, loose blond curls falling around her shoulders, a doll clutched to her chest. Her mouth opened wide and Hiccup’s finger flew to his lips. “Shh, shh, shh. It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’m not a monster, see?” He tore off his helmet and gave her a smile. “I’m just a person. I’m not gonna hurt you.” The little girl remained frozen to the spot. Hiccup stayed crouched on the floor, though he crawled a few steps closer. “You’re Brenna, right?” he asked, noting how similar she looked to Astrid. They had the same button nose, the same round face. “You’re Astrid’s little sister?”

At the mention of Astrid the little girl perked up. She blinked and nodded, her mouth still hanging open. Hiccup’s smile widened. “Astrid’s a friend of mine.” Not entirely the truth, but Brenna didn’t need to know that. “She told me all about you. She said you get scared sometimes, you have bad dreams?” Another nod. “And she said you and her sing a song when you have bad dreams?”

“My bad dream song,” she said, her voice a high-pitched, sweet little trill that sounded too loud in the quiet house, and Hiccup put his finger to his lips again and shushed her.

“You have to be quiet. Please,” he added, his eyes pleading. “It’s very important that no one knows I’m here.”

Brenna raised an eyebrow. “How come?” she whispered.

Hiccup cast around the room for an answer. “Because,” he said slowly, “Astrid is helping me with something very, very important, but it has to be a secret.” He watched Brenna’s eyes grow wider.

“Sissy’s with you?” she asked, forgetting to whisper and Hiccup had to shush her again.

“Yes,” he said, beckoning the girl closer. She was a tiny thing, freckly and short and coming to the end of her pudgy toddler days.  “Astrid is staying with me while she helps me with something.”

“Oh,” Brenna nodded sagely. “They said her went somewhere but no one would tell me where she went. I was worried about her.”

Hiccup felt his heart sink. Astrid had been concerned about what they would tell her little sister about her absence. It seemed they hadn’t told her much of anything. Well, surely it wouldn’t be too much of a risk for a three year old to know the truth. She hadn’t even been alive when he’d been living in Berk. His face and his name would mean nothing to her.

“She’s okay, I promise, and she’ll be home sometime soon.”

“After she helps you with your super secret important thing?”

Hiccup grinned. “Yeah.”

Brenna shuffled her little bare feet. “So why are you here? And why isn’t my sissy?”

Hiccup’s smile faded. “Your sissy is working on something important right now. She sent me to get some things for her. Maybe you can help me find them?”

Brenna nodded. “Kay. Whatcha need?”

Hiccup gnawed on the inside of his cheek. “Well. She needs some things she forgot to pack. Like, boots, and underwear, and a night dress, and--”

He was interrupted by a giggle. “Underwears?” Brenna was smiling, her crooked baby teeth glinting in the dim candlelight. “Astrid forgotted underwears? That’s so silly!” Hiccup shushed her next round of giggles, and she nodded, clapping a hand over her mouth.

“Yeah, that is silly of her.” He pulled the cloth sack from its hook on his belt and unfolded it. “Can you help me pack some things for her? I don’t know where everything is.”

Brenna nodded and padded over next to him. “Here,” she said, handing him her little cloth doll. “Hold Dolly.” Hiccup looked down at the doll. It must have been the one Astrid had made for her. It had blue button eyes and a yellow yarn braid and smile stitched on in pink thread. ‘BRENNA’ was stitched neatly along the hem of the skirt. He tucked the doll safely into the crook of his arm. Brenna opened one of the trunks and began digging around in it. She pulled out a pile of neatly folded cloth and dumped it into the bag Hiccup held open for her. “Underwears for silly Sissy,” she chirped. She reached back in the trunk. “Bindings for boops.”

Hiccup couldn’t stop his amused grin. “Boops?”

There was no question as to where the little girl had picked up the cross glare she shot at him. “Hey. No need to be dirty.” She put her hands on her hips and stated matter-of-factly, “Little girls get boops when they turn into big girls so they can feed babies when they become mamas. There is nothing dirty about them.” She nodded with an air of finality and turned back to digging through the trunk.

“Yes ma’am,” Hiccup muttered, holding back a smile.

“Night dresses, extra boots, old leggings for wash day,” Brenna listed as she deposited each item into his bag.

“Okay, I think that’s good,” Hiccup said, noticing the trunk appearing emptier and emptier. Brenna nodded and closed it. Hiccup shifted uncomfortably, trying to think how best to word his next request. “There’s one more thing I need to find. Astrid said that there’s a uh…a box. That has some things in it that she needs. For, uh, for a special time of month. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“Her Angry Tummy box?”

Hiccup blinked. “Her what?”

“Her Angry Tummy box.” Brenna opened the other chest and dug around in it for a moment before pulling out a wooden box, about the size of a thick book or a jewelry box and held it up.

Hiccup shrugged. “I, I guess that might be it? What’s an Angry Tummy box?”

Brenna turned the box over and over in her small hands. “Sissy says that when girls get bigger your tummy decides that it wants to have a baby, and if you don’t have a husband to put a baby in your tummy it gets mad because it got all ready to have a baby and now there isn’t gonna be one. She uses the stuff in this box to calm her tummy down. I don’t know what a bunch of rolled up wool is supposed to do, because you can’t even eat it.” The little girl shrugged. “Anyway, I just call it her Angry Tummy box.”

Hiccup knew he was likely blushing even though he had no real reason to. He was talking to a toddler who understood even less about menstruation than he did, and who didn’t even have the context to consider it an embarrassing thing to be talking about.

“That’s…that’s probably what she was talking about.” He held open the bag and Brenna dropped the box in.  “Okay, I think that’s everything she wanted me to get.” He carefully handed her back her doll, which she squeezed close. “Thank you, Brenna.”

The little girl nodded and smiled wide. “You’re welcome, Mister Sissy’s Friend.”

Hiccup ruffled her hair before giving her a serious look. “Brenna, I need you to do one more thing for me, and it’s very, very important.” Brenna sobered and nodded, her mouth set. “Like I said, this thing Astrid is helping me with is very important, and it’s very important that it stays secret. Which means you can’t tell anybody that I was here or that you saw me or spoke to me. You can’t tell anyone what I told you about Astrid either, okay?”

Brenna rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet but finally sighed and said, “Okay.”

“You promise?”

Brenna held out a tiny pinky, and Hiccup smiled as he wrapped his finger around hers.

“Thank you, Brenna. I have to go now.”

Brenna nodded, her eyes dropping to her little pigeon-toed feet. “Are you bringing my sissy back soon?” she asked quietly. Hiccup’s heart sank.

“Well, it might be a little while, but she’ll be back before too long, I promise.”

Brenna sighed. “I miss having her here to sing my bad dream song.”

Hiccup frowned. “Do you have a lot of bad dreams?” She nodded. “Yeah? I used to have a lot of bad dreams when I was little like you. I still get bad dreams sometimes.” Brenna looked up, her blue eyes wide.

“Did you have a sissy to sing to you when you had bad dreams?”

Hiccup laughed. “No,” he said, smiling fondly at her, “No, I didn’t have any brothers or sisters.”

“Did your mama sing to you, then?”

Hiccup’s smile faltered and he dropped his gaze. “No. I uh, I didn’t have a mama either. I lost her when I was just a baby.”

“Did your daddy sing to you?”

Hiccup shook his head. “No. My dad wasn’t really the singing kind.”

He heard a dramatic gasp, and looked up to see Brenna giving him the most appalled and sad expression. “You didn’t have _anybody_ to sing to you when you were scared? What did you _do_?”

Hiccup gave her a rueful smile. “Well, I just, I dunno. I got myself through it, I guess. I was just scared, and then one day, I had to learn how not to be so scared.”

Brenna shook her head, blonde curls bouncing. “Do you still get bad dreams?” she asked.

Hiccup shrugged. “Sometimes. Not like I did when I was little, but yeah.”

Brenna gave him a small smile. “You should have Astrid sing to you when you have bad dreams.” Brenna looked back and forth and then leaned in to whisper conspiratorily, “She can’t sing very good, but it helps anyway.”

Hiccup couldn’t hold back his chuckle. He beamed at the tiny girl. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He stood and walked to the window, ruffling Brenna’s hair as he passed. He looked out into the still night, checking to make sure the village was deserted. He slung one leg over the windowsill and paused, looking back at Brenna. “Now remember what I said? About keeping this a secret?”

Brenna nodded vigorously and held up her pinky finger. “Promise.” She gasped suddenly. “Wait, c’mere!” She tottered towards him and grabbed at his shoulder, Hiccup leaned down and the little girl stretched up to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “Give that to Sissy from me,” she said, grinning up at him. “And tell her I said hi and I love her lots and lots and miss her lots, too.”

Hiccup blinked but then smiled. It’d been a long time since he’d had any human contact like that. Something that wasn’t one of Astrid’s punches or someone shoving him in a crowded market, or an alcohol-fueled tryst in a tavern inn. He’d forgotten what human innocence looked like.

“I will,” he said, before giving the little girl one last warm smile, slipping on his helmet, and jumping out the window.

Xx

Astrid tossed and turned, unable to find a position that was even remotely comfortable.

She stared up at the distant stony ceiling and huffed a sigh. It was good Hiccup was going to Berk tonight; she wouldn’t be surprised if she woke up to blood on her thighs in the morning. Her whole body was tense and that familiar annoying kink had settled at the bottom of her spine that made it impossible to get comfortable no matter how she twisted.

She growled and turned over, burrowing into the blankets and furs.

She was uncomfortable and aggravated and tense. No. She was horny, is what she was, but admitting that meant admitting the need to do something about it, and she couldn’t very well do that _here_ , in Hiccup’s bed. Astrid rolled onto her other side and tried again to sleep, but clearing her mind seemed only to amplify the insistence of the ache between her legs. She groaned and rolled onto her back.

She didn’t know how long she had until Hiccup got back, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it once he returned, even if he was half the mountain away. Astrid sighed in resignation and slid a hand down to the hem of the tunic she’d been using as a night dress. Her fingers trailed lightly against the inside of her thigh and her eyes fluttered closed. This close to her moon blood every inch of her skin was hypersensitive, and every touch was electrifying.

In the past whenever she’d done this she’d imagined she was being touched by some faceless stranger; some kind clever man who’d make her change her mind about gladly becoming an old maid. Someone vastly different from the brutish imbeciles she’d grown up with; someone with a mind as clever as his nimble fingers that knew _just_ where to press…

Astrid whimpered, her head falling back against the pillows. The image was clearer tonight than it had been in the past. She wanted broad shoulders she could cling to and a narrow waist to wrap her legs around; someone strong but not burly. She wasn’t even particularly insistent on _strong_. She was an accomplished warrior herself; she didn’t need a strong man to protect her. She wanted a companion, not a guardian.

She wanted an equal, someone with compassion and kindness; a rare trait among Vikings, she knew, and had often wondered why it appealed to her. Especially now, when the thought of a kind smile had her arching into her fingers and biting her lip. She wanted more than a husband she tolerated having on top of her every night. She wanted a lover to hold her, to whisper in her ear. She wanted someone who challenged her but respected her. Someone who wouldn’t drag her into bed but who, when she wanted it, could push her against a wall and take her roughly. She wanted heat and weight between her legs, fingers digging into her hips…she moaned, her fingers pressing harder, reaching deeper…

…and she fell apart to a crooked smile and green green eyes.

Coherency reclaimed her, and Astrid’s eyes slowly widened.

Oh. Gods. _No._

Astrid sat up, still panting. She didn’t. Not to—this was ridiculous. He was—no, she didn’t even…

She groaned and fell back against the cushions. Clearly she had reached new depths of desperation. She was frazzled and horny and he was the only male human she had been around in days. And, to be perfectly honest, Hiccup was a lot nicer to look at than he used to be.

This was still probably the most humiliating thing that had ever happened in her life.

Astrid had never felt more confused. Hiccup was attractive, yes, there was no denying that. But that did not have to mean that she was attracted _to_ him. He was a jerk. Well, he’d been less of a jerk recently, and all that day he’d actually been pleasant. Ever since their conversation the night before Hiccup had been making more of an effort to be nice to her. He’d even made her breakfast that morning. Normally he left her to fend for herself and generally ignored her existence, but today he had really been trying. It was strange and yet familiar; it was the closest he’d been to the boy she remembered in a long time. They were finally starting to get along, and it eased some of her worry, but trusting him still felt further away.

He insisted that he didn’t want to hurt her.

Astrid frowned at the fire burning at the center of the room. There was nothing she wanted to believe more than that Hiccup would not harm her, but she wasn’t sure if she could just yet. He had frightened her, and threatened her, and it had stolen more of her courage than she liked to admit. She had always been confident, always felt certain of her abilities to defend herself. His actions that day had shaken something deep inside of her that she wasn’t sure how to put back in place.

It didn’t help that her whole world had been turned upside down.  Hiccup insisted that dragons were not hostile unless provoked, and Toothless certainly seemed to prove that theory, but he was one dragon. One dragon of one species that Vikings knew very little about.

And what if all dragons were that docile? What then? She’d spent her whole life either fighting dragons or preparing to fight dragons. She was a warrior. What happened to her life and her place in this world if that disappeared?

What was her place in it _now_?

What happened when she went home? Assuming they wouldn’t decide a blood sacrifice was more effective and kill her on the spot. Could she go back to fighting dragons, seeing what she had? Would she be able to, if every raid she was looking at the sky and worrying about someone shooting Hiccup and Toothless down?  What was she supposed to _say_? How was she supposed to hide what she now knew?

How was she supposed to return to her village, to her people, to her _family_ , and live and walk among them as if they hadn’t given her up to die?

…what would be the point?

She sat up when she heard the distant rustle of wings and saw Toothless descending into the cave. Astrid hurriedly wiped the drying sweat from her forehead and grabbed a pair of leggings from the pile of clothes beside the bed. The tunic she wore to bed was long, but not long enough to be modest in front of Hiccup…especially given what she’d just been doing and the embarrassment she still felt. Gods, how was she supposed to look him in the eye?

She hurriedly twisted her hair into a loose braid and didn’t look up when Hiccup and Toothless landed nearby.

“We might have a situation,” Hiccup said as soon as he’d pulled of his helmet. Astrid’s head snapped up.

“What does that mean?” She understood the all-black getup was essential for stealth and for staying invisible during raids, but were those tight leather pants really necessary? They really called far too much attention to parts of his body that she’d much rather forget existed. “Did something happen? Did they see you? Did you not get my stuff?”

“Nothing like that, don’t worry,” Hiccup bent over to pull a bag out of Toothless’s saddle bag and woah—since when did Hiccup have such a nice ass? Seriously, how had she not noticed that before? He straightened up and winced. “How good is your sister at keeping secrets?”

All errant thoughts about Hiccup’s body evaporated immediately. Astrid’s eyes grew wide. “Brenna?” She was on her feet and walking towards Hiccup. “Oh gods, Hiccup, what did you _do_?”

Hiccup held up his hands in an attempt at placating her. “Calm down, okay, she’s fine, she’s just…met me, is all. She came into your room while I was trying to get your stuff, and I thought it was either let her scream and raise the alarm, or introduce myself and try to convince her I’m a friend of yours.”

Astrid paced around the fire. Brenna had met Hiccup. She heard him following her. “Astrid, she’s fine, she wasn’t afraid of me or anything. I told her I was your friend and that calmed her down. She helped me pack a bag of your stuff. I think she liked me.” Astrid rounded on him.

“You spoke to her. You talked to my sister. What did you tell her? What did you say about me?” She must have looked frantic, she knew, and Hiccup looked a bit helpless as he stared at her. He hesitated, his hands hovering in midair, and then landed them gently on her shoulders.

“Astrid, calm down. I just told her you’re my friend and you’re helping me with something very important and very secret. She seemed to buy it. She was happy to know you were okay. She told me to tell you she said hi and that she loves you and misses you.” He gave her a smile. “I told her she’d see you again soon.”

Astrid shrugged his hands off and took a step back. “And what if I don’t see her again?” Hiccup crooked a finger under her chin and lifted her face to look at him.

“You will,” he said, his eyes soft and his smile kind. “She needs someone to sing her bad dream song, after all.” His smile grew. “Even if apparently you can’t sing very well.”

Astrid smiled and swatted his hand away. Hiccup gave her a serious look. “Can we trust her not to spill the beans about meeting me, though? She pinky swore she wouldn’t say anything, but I don’t know how much weight that carries.”

Astrid laughed in spite of her misgivings about the whole situation. “If Brenna pinky swore then she won’t say a word. She likes having secrets to keep. They make her feel grown up and important. Plus she’s young enough not to really understand how serious this all is and that works in our favor. She’ll think this is all a fun game and won’t say a word.”

Hiccup breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. I’ve got enough to deal with without worrying about my cover getting blown by a toddler.”

Astrid returned his smile and turned her attention down to the sack in her hands. “Did you get everything?”

Hiccup hummed his assent. “Brenna helped, so I think so. Night shirts, underwears, bindings for boops,” Astrid looked up and raised an eyebrow. Hiccup was giving her an amused smile as he listed things off on his fingers.

“That’s what she calls them,” she explained briefly.

“I gathered that. You’ve also got boots, some spare leggings, and your uh, what did she call it? Your ‘Angry Tummy Box’?”

Astrid turned red and nodded, not looking at Hiccup. “She’s three. She’s not ready for the full birds and bees talk yet.” Silence fell between them. Astrid peeked up at Hiccup through her bangs. He was watching her carefully. She swallowed. “Thank you,” she said quietly.

Hiccup shrugged. “I’m keeping you here,” he said, looking somewhat sheepish. “I kind of owe it to you to make sure you have everything you need.”

Astrid nodded and silence fell between them again. “Um,” Astrid began, feeling her face heat up again. “I really do appreciate this, but, um, fair warning, I probably won’t be super pleasant the next few days.” She watched Hiccup’s ears turn red. He scratched at the back of his neck.

“I uh. I wouldn’t expect you to be.”

“I know things are getting better between us, kind of, and I don’t want to mess that up, so if I like, start screaming at you over nothing--”

“I won’t hold it against you.”

They both stared at the floor while the awkward silence pervaded the air around them.

“So, I should let you get some sleep.”

“Yeah, that’d be—I didn’t sleep while you were gone, so—”

“And I obviously haven’t slept tonight so, I should—”

“Should get some rest too.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

Neither one of them moved. Astrid chanced a glance at Hiccup, who was looking at her strangely.

“Oh, so, um, your sister, your sister wanted me to give you this.” Before she had time to ask what Hiccup had leaned forward and placed a quick peck on her cheek. He retreated quickly, not looking at her. “That’s from Brenna.” He glanced at her briefly, and at the shock on her face his eyes widened. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“You’re fine,” Astrid cut him off, her voice pitched higher than usual.

Hiccup blinked at her. He licked his lips and opened his mouth as if to speak, paused, then said, “Good night,” before turning on his heel and leaving the room, Toothless following behind.

Astrid watched them until they had both disappeared into the darkness of the tunnel and their footsteps had faded away. She pulled off the borrowed tunic and leggings and put on one of her own night dresses. It was soft and familiar and she felt more comfortable than she had in a long time. She checked her box, counting out what supplies she had left to assure herself she’d be fine until Hiccup went to the market, then crawled into the furs of his bed once more.

Even half an hour later when she was finally dozing off, she could still feel the print of his lips on her cheek.


	9. Contact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided that this will be the last Thursday update. Starting Monday Persephone will be updated once a week on Mondays, with a sneak peek posted on Thursdays on my tumblr (thatsnicebutimmarried.tumblr.com If you don't want to follow me I'll be tagging them with 'persephone progress' so you could track that tag or something idk). Chapters are going to start getting longer and more will be happening so I think updates are going to be more satisfying if I keep them spaced out a little more. 
> 
> I got a review on ff.net asking if we'd see a certain character literally as I was writing a scene with that character XD

“Astrid? Where are you?”

“In here!” Astrid looked up from the shirt she was sewing. It was colder today, the abnormally long fall finally giving way to winter, and Hiccup’s little forge was usually warmer than the rest of the mountain and less damp than the hot springs at its base. Hiccup turned the corner in to the cave and gave her a small smile, holding up a sack in each hand.

“I’m back.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow. Hiccup seemed nervous for some reason. “I noticed. Given that you are, you know, here.” Hiccup frowned but didn’t say anything. Her mood had not been stellar the past few days and he was kind enough not to provoke her.  She’d snapped at him for accidentally bumping into her while getting water and after that he’d gotten the message and avoided her almost entirely.  Even Toothless seemed to understand that she needed her space.  Astrid had then spent most of the following two days in the hot springs, letting the hot water soothe her cramped muscles and aching back.

Hiccup held one of the sacks forward. “This is for you. Everything you asked for. And, uh, I have some other things for you.” He carried the other sack to one of his work tables and opened it. Astrid set her sewing aside and followed, curious. “I met up with an old friend today. A trader, usually trades down south. _Way_ down south. I was surprised to see him in such northern waters, actually. He was sailing around the Mediterranean Sea when I last saw him. Anyway, he owes me a few favors and a few dragon scales can take you a long way so I managed to get some good stuff.” He pulled a stack of folded fabric from the bag and Astrid gasped. Hiccup handed them to her. The first two fabrics in the pile were brightly colored with intricate patterns woven into the cloth, the threads shining like jewels. One was multicolored, while the other was a shining blue with gold, yellow, purple and orange motifs spiraling through it. The last one was a sheer, silky fabric in a soft white that fluttered and flowed through her fingers.

“Wow, Hiccup, these are stunning,” Astrid said, holding up the sheer fabric to see how much of it there was. A few yards, at least.

Hiccup shrugged. “I don’t know how into sewing you are, but I thought you could use them to make something cool. If not for you, then maybe you’d like to make something for your sister.” He smiled briefly before reaching into the bag again. “I didn’t really know what you’re into so I just got you a bunch of stuff. Some perfumes,” he sat several small glass bottles filled with brightly colored liquids on the table, “Some spices, because I know I’m kind of lacking in anything other than salt,” small pots joined the bottles, “And finally, something I _know_ you’ll like.” He glanced at her. “Or at least that I hope you’ll like.” Astrid looked up from sniffing one of the bottles of perfume—it was something citrusy—in time to see Hiccup pulling something metal and glimmering out of the bag.

He pulled out and unsheathed a knife.

Except it was unlike any knife Astrid had ever seen. The blade was shinier and set with three small jewels, and the hilt was a bright gold with intricate carvings and decorated with even more small gemstones. Hiccup held it out to her and Astrid picked it up carefully. It was a nice weight; light enough to be useful but heavy enough to feel solid in her hand. She tested the strength of the blade; she’d have expected something this ornate to be more decorative than practical, but the thick blade didn’t bend or warp more than it needed to, and the edge was razor sharp.

“This is amazing,” she said, holding the knife up and inspecting the straightness and balance of the blade. She sat the knife down with her other pile of gifts and frowned at Hiccup’s smiling face. “All of this is amazing. But, Hiccup, what is all this?” she asked seriously, and Hiccup sobered.

He looked down. “A peace offering.” He fidgeted under her gaze. “I’m keeping you here and you don’t like it, and I can’t do anything about that for the moment. But I want you to feel comfortable and I want you to feel safe. I know it’d be a stretch to ask if we could be friends, but,” he peeked at her from under his bangs, “This is my way of saying that I hope we can at least get along.” There it was: the downward turn of his lips, that little line between his eyebrows, that slight lowering of his eyelids. He looked genuine. He looked like _Hiccup._

Astrid looked down at the knife on the table. “You’re arming me?”

“Well,” Hiccup cleared his throat nervously and shuffled his feet. It was perhaps the most _Hiccup_ thing she had seen so far. “This is my way of saying I trust that you won’t kill me in my sleep.”

Astrid’s lip quirked. “I already wasn’t going to kill you in your sleep. I’d be stuck here, remember? If Toothless didn’t kill me first?”

Hiccup sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and then something in his expression shifted. His eyebrows drew together, his eyes narrowed and there was a firm set to his lips. When he looked at her there was such a…such a _determination_ there. “I want you to feel safe,” he said. “And I thought you might feel safer if you had a way to defend yourself. I know you prefer an axe, but this is easier to carry around with you. You’d be able to fight back if you were attacked. I thought this would make you feel safer than just hearing me say I won’t hurt you. But even so, I promise, Astrid, that I’m never going to lay a hand on you.”

Maybe it was the blade resting under her fingers, or maybe it was the determination blazing in Hiccup’s eyes, but for the first time, she actually believed him.

Xx

Astrid had never been much for domestics.

Growing up she’d been more concerned with being a warrior than a housewife, even after Brenna was born and she was forced to do more around the house to help out. Around age sixteen, once Brenna was sleeping through the night and her mother was slightly less exhausted all the time, Astrid had found herself being put through what she and Ruffnut had started calling ‘Housewife Training’. It was a lot harder than dragon training, not nearly as enjoyable, and Astrid had not done nearly so well at it.

If only her mother could see her now.

Tending a garden, sewing her own clothes (and occasionally Hiccup’s, for lack of anything else to do), and now cooking dinner for the man in her life. Even if he wasn’t in her life _that_ way.  Astrid tasted the stew that was currently bubbling over the fire. Well, maybe not as good as her mother’s but still not _too_ bad right? She’d even tried throwing in some of the spices Hiccup had brought her. She wasn’t sure if they had helped or hurt, but she sprinkled in some more just in case.

The knife at her hip made her feel more like herself than she had in a long time. She felt stronger and more confident. Less the scared captive and more the equal occupant Hiccup kept claiming she was supposed to be. And things had been better between the two of them as well. They weren’t getting on each other’s nerves all the time, and they’d had conversations that one could actually deem enjoyable. If she weren’t still essentially being held captive with no concrete answer as to when she’d get to go home Astrid might even dare to say they were becoming friends. Hiccup was better about his temper, though he still tended to get short with her when he’d been drinking, which wasn’t as much as it had been, she’d noticed. He was still hungover the morning after raids, but he wasn’t taking a swig after every conversation anymore. She wasn’t sure if that was progress on the drinking problem or if it just meant she was no longer a leading cause of the drinking problem.

More importantly though, she was no longer afraid of him when he did get short with her. She still wasn’t certain if she could go so far as to say she trusted him, not when there was his allegiance to the dragons hanging over their heads, but she at least could trust that he meant her no harm. She could easily overpower a man three times her size with a blade the size of the one Hiccup had given her, and Hiccup would know that. He trusted her, even if she didn’t completely trust him.

He’d given her a gift that went beyond the weight on her waistband, and she didn’t know how to thank him. She’d been wracking her brain all week. Her resources were admittedly extremely limited, and it wasn’t as if there was a lot Hiccup needed. (Although she had finally gotten a ‘thank you’ for all the work she’d done to his garden.) Finally she’d decided on cooking dinner after noticing that Hiccup’s cooking skills were on par with his gardening skills—enough to keep him alive but not much interest beyond that. (Maybe that’s why he was so skinny?)

She walked to the mouth of the tunnel and cupped her hands around her mouth. “HICCUP!” She shouted, and then went back to her stew. As large as the mountain was she doubted he’d be able to hear her, but if they weren’t out flying then Toothless would, and maybe he’d drag his master to her.  It had worked once before, and she didn’t want to go traipsing around the caverns looking for him and leave her stew unattended.

Sure enough, a couple of minutes later Hiccup came sprinting into the room, out of breath and looking almost frantic. “Are you okay? What’s happening?”

Astrid shrugged, frowning. “I just needed to get your attention, you didn’t have to get all freaked out.”

Hiccup’s shoulders fell and he glared at her. “Right. Well, what do you want?”

She’d caught him in a bad mood, it seemed, or else put him in one. Astrid turned her attention to her stew. “I made you dinner,” she said, trying for cheery. She glanced at Hiccup in time to see his eyebrow rise.

“You…you made dinner for me? Did I hear that right?”

Astrid nodded, feeling her cheeks turn pink. “As a peace offering. And a thank you. For the knife.” She turned her hip towards him so he could see the knife hanging on the waistband of her skirt. She gave him a small smile. “I wanted to do something in return. To show my appreciation for everything you’ve done for me lately.”

Hiccup studied his feet. “I owed it to you. I told you not to act like a hostage, but…I was still kind of treating you like one.”

Astrid didn’t really have a response to that so she brushed past him to grab a bowl from the table. “Well, I don’t feel so much like a hostage anymore, so, you get stew. And also…” she trailed off, sighing. “You’ve been different lately. More like you. Or at least, more like the you I remember.” She glanced at Hiccup to see him blinking at her in surprise.

“I have?”

She nodded, ladling stew into the bowl. “I’ll admit I didn’t know you very well, but…you still weren’t acting like _you_.” She kept her eyes on the ties of his shirt (Green today, instead of black. He must not have been anticipating an attack tonight.) as she handed him the wooden bowl and spoon. “It’s nothing special, just a stew my mother tried to teach me to make. If it’s terrible I promise it’s not because I’m trying to poison you.”

Hiccup’s fingers brushed hers as he took the bowl from her hands. She took a step back and watched him as he filled his spoon. “You didn’t have to do this, you know.” There it was. That crooked, kind _Hiccup_ smile. Astrid couldn’t help the smile that came to her own face.

“Don’t thank me until you’ve tasted it.”

He grinned at her before sticking the spoon in his mouth. He froze, his eyes bulging. Hiccup pulled the spoon from his mouth and gave her a pained smile. “Mmm.” He nodded, the hand holding the spoon giving her a thumbs up.

“It’s terrible, isn’t it?”

Hiccup shook his head, grunting. He swallowed with some difficulty, his eye twitching. “No, it’s good, it’s good!” He assured her, his voice an octave higher than normal. “It’s really good.” He continued smiling. He dipped the spoon back into his stew and took another bite, the tension evident on his face as he chewed and swallowed. He gagged and coughed and Astrid gave him a pitying smile.

“You don’t have to eat it, Hiccup.”

“No, I’m fine, I just—” he coughed again. “Some went down the wrong way. That’s all.” He coughed again, then took another bite.

Astrid watched him, her heart in her throat. There was no way he was enjoying it. No possible way.

But bless him if he didn’t eat every bite anyway.

(She was pretty sure she heard him throw it all back up awhile later, but still. It’s the thought that counts.)

Xx

Astrid was bored. Winter was beginning in earnest and there was less to do in her garden now. She’d harvested what was less to be harvested and the remaining plants had either been prepared to weather the snow or else transplanted into warmer soil inside a cave. (It was a genius bit of gardening, she thought. They’d still get plenty of sun but less of the freezing weather that would kill them off. If she cared for them correctly she should be able to get a few more harvests out of those plants.) Her stolen clothes had all been altered to fit her and she’d repaired every article of clothing Hiccup had begrudgingly thrown at her.

She meandered aimlessly through the tunnels that ran through her temporary home. She’d memorized the passageways by now; they weren’t so difficult to learn after a while. She spun a little circle as she walked through the archway into the large cavern she’d been in the first night Hiccup brought her here.

She pulled up short.

There was a dragon in the cave.

A dragon other than Toothless.

There was a large blue Deadly Nadder standing in the room, facing away from her and preening the long deadly spines on its tail.  Very slowly Astrid reached for her knife. She wasn’t sure if she should approach the beast while it had its back turned or if she should use its distraction to turn tail and run. If she ran now she might be able to get away before it noticed her, but the tunnel behind her was big enough for it to fit through, and if it gave chase there was no way she’d have enough room to fight it in the small space. The tunnel to her right was a bit smaller. Large enough for Toothless but in theory not quite big enough for the Nadder to comfortably fit through. Astrid very carefully took a step to her right, her knife gripped in her hand. The dragon didn’t notice.

She kept her eyes locked on the dragon while she crept closer to the other tunnel. Her boot kicked a rock and it skittered off, alerting the dragon to her presence. Its head snapped up and its yellow eyes narrowed when it saw her. Astrid abandoned stealth and lunged for the mouth of the tunnel, the creature’s squawks following her. It reached the tunnel before she did and Astrid turned, her feet skidding on the cave floor. The dragon was right behind her, and Astrid knew she wouldn’t reach the tunnel in time. She turned and ran towards the dragon, right into its blind spot. The huge head twisted and turned, trying to find where she’d gone but Astrid stayed with it, dodging back and forth to stay out of sight.

Her knife was still in her hand and the dragon’s neck was right there. She could slit its throat. Or lunge forward and stab it in the heart. But instead she thought of Toothless, of everything Hiccup said about dragons, and her raised hand faltered.

In the split second she was staring at the blade in her hand the Nadder shifted enough to see her, and its huge snout knocked her to the ground. Her knife went flying out of her hand and slid across the floor, far out of reach. Astrid stared up at the dragon, at the razor sharp teeth and the yellow eyes. It leaned down, sniffing at her. Astrid screamed.

The Nadder pulled back and cocked his head. It trilled, a strange little whine, and took a step back from her. Astrid was still staring up at it and panting a moment later when Hiccup sprinted into the room. “Astrid!”

She looked at him. “Help!”

Hiccup dashed forward and stepped between her and the dragon. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said, reaching up and stroking the Nadder’s chin. “It’s okay, you’re fine, it’s okay.” The Nadder squawked and stamped its feet, then to Astrid’s surprise its pupils rounded and it nuzzled Hiccup, who laughed.

Astrid dazedly pushed herself onto her elbows. The dragon. Hiccup was worried about _the dragon_.

Of _course_.

She pulled herself up on trembling legs and backed away from Hiccup and the dragon who was now cooing happily as Hiccup scratched behind its crown of spikes. “Oh, I haven’t seen you in a while,” Hiccup was saying. “Where have you been, girl? Huh? Whatcha been up to?”

Astrid kept her eyes on the pair as she retrieved her knife. As soon as the blade was back in her hands the dragon shrieked, her pupils narrowing and her tail spines lifting.

“No!” Astrid barely had time to blink before Hiccup was throwing himself at her, yanking the knife out of her hand and flinging it away.

“Hey, what are you doing?!”

“You’re scaring her!”

Astrid’s eyes widened. “ _I’m_ scaring _her_? She attacked me!”

Hiccup matched her glare. “She wasn’t attacking you, she was just trying to say hello!”

“She came right at me, Hiccup, that wasn’t a greeting, that was a—AAAAHH!” Astrid screamed again as huge pair of nostrils suddenly breathed down on her shoulder as the mouth they were attached to picked up the end of her braid.

“It’s okay, Astrid, it’s okay!” Hiccup grabbed her shoulders, his chest warm and oddly comforting against her back. “She won’t hurt you.” Astrid wasn’t sure if that was directed at her or the dragon, but either way it was somewhat reassuring. If she was going to be face to face with a strange dragon at least she was doing it with a dragon expert by her side. “She’s just trying to say hello, like I said.” Astrid looked at Hiccup like he was crazy—which he probably was, really. Toothless was one thing. This was a wild dragon. Slight difference.

Hiccup gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze and laughed. “She recognizes you, Astrid. That’s why she’s trying to say hello.”

“Recognizes me?” Astrid looked up at the dragon, whose mouth was quirked upwards at the corners, almost like she was smiling.

“From Berk.”

Astrid quirked an eyebrow and subconsciously pressed closer to Hiccup. “How would she know me from Berk? What, does she remember me from the raids or something?”

Hiccup chuckled and stepped around Astrid to scratch the dragon’s chin. The Nadder trilled happily and leaned into his touch, her back leg lifting and kicking the air like a dog. “No, from the arena.” He looked at her. “She was the Nadder in Dragon Training.” Astrid’s eyes widened as she stared at the dragon. That was the same one? The same dragon that had very nearly killed them both all those years ago because Hiccup couldn’t stay out of the way? She became aware that Hiccup was staring at her expectantly. “Well come on,” he was saying, “Aren’t you gonna say hi?” He was smiling at her, and dimly it occurred to her that his eyes were brighter and he was altogether happier around dragons than at any other time.

Astrid took a step back, then another. Hiccup’s smile faltered. “Astrid?”

She kept stepping backwards, and shook her head slightly, her eyes still on the dragon. On its teeth and the poisonous spines on its tail.

Hiccup was frowning at her. “Astrid? What’s wrong?”

Astrid shook her head. “It’s a dragon.”

Hiccup nodded. “Yes, yes it is. And?”

Astrid just shook her head, still stepping away. “It’s a _dragon_.”

She watched Hiccup’s expression harden. His eyebrows drew together and his mouth turned into a thin line. “And why is that problem?” When she didn’t answer he shook his head. “You haven’t changed a bit, have you?” he spat.

At that moment Toothless bounded into the room and warbled happily upon seeing the Nadder. She squawked in reply and soon the two of them were bobbing their heads at each other and cackling some strange dragon hello. While the two dragons were greeting each other Hiccup was glaring at her.

“You’ve seen Toothless. You’ve seen that dragons aren’t all bad and you still can’t accept it. You’re just like the rest of them.” He crossed. his arms over his chest as he turned to watch the two dragons chattering with each other. He scoffed. “And here I thought maybe you had actually changed.”

For some reason that struck something deep inside her and Astrid’s hands closed into fists. She took a deep breath and approached him.  She swallowed. “Then prove me wrong.” Hiccup looked at her, one eyebrow rising. Astrid nodded at the Nadder. “Toothless is one thing. Show me it’s not all dragons. Prove me wrong.”

Hiccup’s expression softened and his eyebrows rose. He blinked at her for a moment, looking somewhere between surprised and perhaps even impressed. “Okay,” he said. His hand landed on her back and he pushed her forward gently, towards the two dragons. He whistled, and they both looked at him. He made a strange clicking noise and the Nadder stepped forwards. Astrid’s footsteps faltered. But Hiccup’s hand was warm between her shoulder blades and she took a deep breath.

She was Astrid Hofferson. She was the niece of Fearless Finn Hofferson. The daughter of Berk’s longest-running Axe-Throwing Champion. She could be brave.

The Nadder was looking at her out of big yellow eyes, unfolding and refolding her wings. When Astrid got closer the dragon moved back, the spines on her head lowering. Astrid took a step back, but Hiccup pushed her closer, holding a hand out to the dragon at the same time. “Hey, it’s fine, it’s fine. You’re both fine.” The dragon came a little closer and nuzzled into Hiccup’s hand. He pulled Astrid closer, his arm curling around her back. “Go on,” he said, his mouth just a few inches from Astrid’s ear. “Reach out.”

She looked at him. There was a wonder and an excitement in his eyes. Astrid managed a nod, but as soon as she was looking at the dragon again she couldn’t quite bring herself to move. Hiccup sighed through his nose and she felt the air against her neck and shivered. The arm around her back moved down and he took her free hand in his. He lifted her hand towards the dragon, who shifted uneasily on her feet. Hiccup squeezed her hand a little tighter. “She can sense you’re nervous,” he said, his voice soft in her ear. “Just relax. She won’t hurt you.”

Her fingers widened, her palm outstretched. The dragon looked at her hand for a moment, then closed its eyes and pressed it’s snout into her hand. Astrid felt a smile stealing over her lips. Hiccup removed his hand and let Astrid stroke the dragon’s horn. The dragon cooed and leaned into her touch.

“See?” Hiccup’s voice was a low whisper right next to her ear. “I think she likes you.” Astrid turned to look at him, beaming. He was watching her intently, a smile teasing at the corners of his parted lips. His eyes were alight with a fire Astrid had not seen before.

It occurred to her suddenly just how close together they were standing. Her shoulder was pressed into his chest and his hand had returned to rest on her back. And for some reason it didn’t bother her. They stared at each other for a moment, and Astrid saw Hiccup’s eyes flicker down to her lips, and just for a second thought he might kiss her, but then he was clearing his throat and stepping away.

“So,” he said, as the dragon pushed past Astrid’s hand to nuzzle her whole head against her. “You wanna try flying her?” Astrid laughed, both from the dragon nudging playfully against her and Hiccup’s incredulous suggestion.

“Uh, I think I’ll pass on that, thanks.” She giggled and scratched under the Nadder’s chin and behind her spikes while she tittered in appreciation.

“Probably for the best, there’s a storm coming in.” Astrid extracted herself from the dragon long enough to follow Hiccup to the opening of the cave. The sky was gray and there were huge black clouds rolling in from the west.  The Nadder squeezed between the two of them and nuzzled them both before spreading her wings and taking off into the sky.

“Where’s she going? She shouldn’t be out flying in this weather, should she?”

Hiccup laughed. “I’ve seen her fly through bad storms before. She’ll be fine. I think she actually likes it.”

Astrid smiled, watching the brightly colored dragon winging her way off into the distance.  “A storm flier, huh?”

Hiccup nodded. “Yeah.” There was a grumble behind him and he turned to scratch at the ears of Toothless, who was nudging him in the back. “Oh, are you feeling left out, buddy? Huh?”

“What was she doing here?” Astrid asked, watching Hiccup scratch Toothless’s ears.

Hiccup looked out at the distant speck. “She stops by every now and then.  Comes by to check on me. She and Toothless get along.” He shrugged. “Actually, this time of year she might be on her way to the nesting grounds.”

Astrid cocked an eyebrow. “Nesting grounds?”

Hiccup nodded. “We’re getting close to the dragon’s mating season. Midwinter, they migrate south, lay their eggs, hatch and raise their young. Right around Snoggletog, usually. That’s why it’s so peaceful around the holidays. The dragons are off celebrating their own sort of holiday.”

Astrid frowned. “Is it getting close to Snoggletog already?”

Hiccup mirrored her frown, thinking. “Yeah, a couple weeks away, I guess.”

“Oh.”

Astrid thought back, trying to think when it had been that she’d left Berk.

A month. A month?

Yes, a month.

…had it really been that long? Nearly that long, at least.

There was a rumble of thunder and Hiccup rose to his feet and pulled lightly at Toothless’s saddle. “Come on bud,” he said, “We need to pull the flap over the top of the kitchen before the rain starts.”

Long after they left Astrid was still standing by the opening, staring out across the sea at the brave little speck flying through the storm.

She decided she liked that dragon.

She was fearless.


	10. So in Love with the Wrong World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who has read and who has left feedback on this story. I never imagined I'd get a response like this. Thank you so much, you guys rock!!!
> 
> Now. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS CHAPTER GUISE. SO MANY THINGS HAPPEN. SO MANY  
> Chapter title from "Blinding" by Florence and the Machine

“Hiccup, please? It’s almost Snoggletog, you can’t seriously expect me to be away from home during the holiday, can you?”

“Astrid…”

“Look, it’s been a month and a half! I think Berk has figured out by now that their sacrifice didn’t work. What’s the worst that’s going to happen when I go home?”

Hiccup gave her an exasperated sigh. “Astrid, stop following me around.”

“I’d stop following you if you stopped and actually talked to me.”

“Astrid, I’m carrying around a piece of molten steel. If you’re looking to get some seriously awesome burn scars, then by all means, keep following me. Otherwise, you might want to back off.”

Astrid huffed and took a few steps back while Hiccup plunged the steel into a barrel of water. “Hiccup, I’m serious. Could you just tell me something solid about when you’re going to take me home? And if you say ‘when it’s safe’ then I swear to Thor I’ll punch you in the gut.”

Hiccup yanked at the ties of his apron until it was loose enough for him to pull it over his head and toss it to the side. He ran his hand through his hair and turned to face her, sighing again as he slumped against the table behind him, his arms braced on the wood for support. He was working shirtless today, because of course he was, and because the irony of telling her to stay back from super heated steel while he had so much bare skin in close proximity to it was apparently lost on him. Still staring at the floor he said, “I’ll take you back when they ask for you.”

The arms crossed over her chest dropped to her sides. “What?”

Hiccup shrugged. “They can have you back when they ask for you. I didn’t really want to tell you, but so far they haven’t. Three raids on Berk since I took you and so far they haven’t demanded their failed sacrifice be returned.”

Astrid blinked at him. “That…that doesn’t mean anything. That doesn’t mean they don’t _want_ me back. That just…they probably think I’m dead.”

Hiccup shook his head. “I’m pretty sure they have good reason to believe you’re still alive.” He looked up at her through his sweat-damp bangs. “I told you that to get those clothes I fought Camicazi, the heir to the Bog Burglar tribe. Her mother is Bertha, the chief and an old friend of my dad’s. Her daughter catches the dreaded Dragon Master stealing women’s clothes off their line? Yeah, she’s going to be telling other chiefs about something that weird, whether or not she knew about Berk’s sacrifice.” He dropped his gaze. “Girls’ clothes being stolen a few days after you give the Dragon Master a girl? Doesn’t take a genius to put the pieces together. They should be thinking that there’s at least a chance that you’re still alive. And yet they haven’t asked for you back.”

Astrid slumped against the table next to him. They hadn’t tried to get her back. Either they already believed she was dead or they were still hoping she would take the Dragon Master’s attention away from the villages.

“I’m sorry.”

Astrid nodded. “Yeah. Great.”

After a long moment of silence Hiccup said, “What would you do when you got back?”

Astrid looked at him. “What?”

Hiccup shrugged, his eyes downcast. “What would you do when got home? I mean, would you go back to fighting dragons during raids?”

She stared at him. “I…I guess.”

Hiccup’s gaze was sharp when it snapped up to her. “How can you say that?” he asked, his voice suddenly harsh. “After everything you’ve seen, everything you’ve learned about dragons, how can you just go back to fighting them?”

“I…” Astrid shifted. “I don’t…I don’t know if I’d _fight_ them, but…well I can’t stand back and do nothing while they ravage my village, can I?”

Hiccup’s glare didn’t soften. “Fighting back only causes problems. They aren’t hostile, you know that!”

It was Astrid’s turn to glare. “I don’t know that, Hiccup! I’ve seen two dragons not actively try to rip my throat out. How is that proof that dragons aren’t hostile creatures?”

“You’ve seen two dragons who didn’t try to hurt you! That’s proof right there that not all dragons are bad!”

Astrid’s voice was level when she answered him. “I’ve seen that not all dragons are bad, Hiccup. That’s not the same as seeing that all dragons are good. It’s going to take a little more than a couple of tame dragons to prove that the whole species is docile.”

Hiccup was undeterred, and Astrid couldn’t help but admire his determination. “Astrid, I’ve _told_ you—”

“Yes, you’ve _told_ me they’re mostly docile, I know.” Astrid rolled her eyes. “But you’re more than a little biased.” She gave him an apologetic smile. “How am I supposed to really believe what you say?”

Hiccup’s glare faded and his eyebrows drew together. He looked almost helpless, before his eyes tightened and the corner of his mouth quirked into a crooked smile. She knew that look. She could practically see the gears of his mind turning. He raised a finger and shook it at her. “You’re right.” His smile grew as he pushed off the table. “You’re absolutely right.”

Astrid frowned. “I am?”

Hiccup grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. “Yes. Come with me.”

She hesitantly followed his brisk pace down the corridors to the cave that served as his bedroom, where Toothless was napping by the fire. “What am I right about? Hiccup?” He was pulling on his armor and tossing her the heavy wool cloak he’d bought her the last time he’d gone into port.

“You’re right,” he said brightly, buckling on Toothless’s saddle. The sleepy dragon stood and stretched, his tail starting to wiggle at the prospect of flight. “You can’t trust what I say, so I won’t say anything.” He climbed on Toothless’s back and beamed at her. “Just let me show you.”

Astrid stared. “What are you going to show me, exactly?”

Hiccup gestured at Toothless. “Why I’m so biased.”

Astrid did some more staring. “You’re out of your Thorsdamned mind if you think I’m getting on the back of that thing again, Haddock.” Toothless grunted at her. “Sorry, Toothless,” she said.

Hiccup sighed, his smile faltering just a bit. “Look,” he said, “Just give me this. Let me show you something so amazing, you’ll have to believe that dragons are alright. If this doesn’t convince you, nothing will.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow. “You sound awfully sure of yourself.”

Hiccup nodded. “If this doesn’t convince you...” he trailed off, glancing down, before those brilliant green eyes were staring at her again. “If this doesn’t convince you, I’ll take you home.”

Astrid’s eyebrows hit her hairline. “What?”

His eyes were blazing. “You heard me. If this doesn’t convince you, then I’ll take you back to Berk.”

“You’re really sure this is gonna convince me.”

His next smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “If this doesn’t convince you, then I’m not sure I want to keep trying.” There was a beat, and then he held out a hand.

Astrid took a deep breath and stepped forward, fastening her cloak around her neck. She bypassed Hiccup’s outstretched hand and carefully climbed on Toothless’s back behind him. “If you let me fall off—”

“I won’t let you fall off.” Hiccup grinned at her over his shoulder. “But you might want to hang on.”

She tentatively wrapped her arms around Hiccup’s torso. Those great black wings spread on either side of her, and she only had a moment to regret her every decision that day before they had shot into the air.

Astrid screamed and buried her face against Hiccup’s back. She heard him grunt as her arms became a vice around his waist. The flight out of the cave was rough; Toothless was diving and twisting to avoid rock formations and it was all Astrid could do to keep her thighs tight around his neck while her arms squeezed Hiccup in half.

Finally they emerged into the sunlight and Toothless’s powerful wings beat the air as they rose higher and higher into the sky. She could hear Hiccup laughing and whooping as they climbed further up than Astrid even wanted to think about. Her heart was pounding and the air was whipping through her hair and her cloak, but she dared not let go of Hiccup long enough to pull the fabric closer around her. Eventually she felt them level off, and beside her Toothless’s wings stilled into a glide.

“Astrid, look.” She shook her head against his back.

“No thank you.”

She could hear the rumble of Hiccup’s laughter against his ribcage. “Astrid, come on. _Look_.”

Not relinquishing her death-grip on Hiccup’s middle Astrid carefully peeled one eye open, then the other. They widened at what they saw. She’d flown once before, but that was at night, and in the open sunlight the ocean glittering below seemed even further down. There were white clouds below them, and far, far below she could make out the shapes of birds. It was terrifying.

“Nope, I still don’t like this. Not at all.” She both felt and heard Hiccup’s sigh.

“Astrid, don’t look down. Look up. Look around you.” Astrid closed her eyes and hid her face against Hiccup’s back again. She took a long, deep breath, and opened her eyes to the world around her.

Blue. As far as the eye could see. Endless, stunning _blue_ dotted with the huge white shapes of clouds, the world shining all around her. The sun seemed less above her and more on par with her, and everything around her seemed to be _light_. Surely the realm of the gods looked something like _this_. Far in the distance she could see oceans of clouds, waves like that of the sea flowing in slow motion across a blanket of white. Around them she could see huge mountainous clouds. Huge white fluffy pillars that floated effortlessly through the cold air.

“What are they made out of?”

Hiccup looked over his shoulder at her. “What are what made out of?”

“Clouds,” Astrid said, her eyes wide as the sky around her. “I mean water, obviously, because they make rain. But what do they feel like? I never really thought about it before. But those big puffy ones, what do they feel like?”

She saw Hiccup grinning out of the corner of her eye. “We’ll show you.” Toothless warbled and beat his wings and they were rising higher and turning towards one of the huge masses of white. But as they got closer Astrid could see that the cloud wasn’t very solid at all. They flew by it and she could see the mists trailing away from the denser areas, and when she reached out to touch it she met only cold moisture. It was fascinating.

“It’s kind of disappointing.”

“What?” She grinned at Hiccup’s incredulous stare. “I show you something that no one else has ever gotten to see and you have the gall to find it disappointing?”

She laughed at him. “I just thought they’d be more like pillows or something, you know?” She looked back at the mist suspended in the air around her hand. “But this is…this is amazing. How can it look so solid from far away and be like this close up? It’s like magic.” She pulled her hand back.

“Don’t forget to breathe,” Hiccup chided. “You don’t want to pass out way up here.” Astrid nodded. It was easier this time than it had been the first time she’d flown. She’d been terrified of so many things that night and couldn’t have kept her breathing steady if she’d tried.  “Speaking of breathing,” Hiccup said after a minute, “You’re kind of crushing me.” Astrid smiled apologetically even though he couldn’t see her and loosened her grip.

“This is…this is incredible.”

Hiccup nodded. “This is what it is to see the world through a dragon’s eyes. Now look down and tell if you’re still afraid.”

She did, and found that she wasn’t.

The ocean’s texture seemed different from so far up, rippled instead of undulating. She could see small white lines flash and vanish only to reappear. They seemed so tiny from this high up but she knew those were huge waves swelling on the open sea. Little dots of brown and green littered the expanse of blue, sea stacks and small islands. It was beautiful, but she found she enjoyed looking at the open sky around her more.

After a while they started to descend, and then Hiccup was looking at her over his shoulder and telling her to hold on. Astrid didn’t have time to ask why before they were turning into a dive and she was squeezing Hiccup tight. Her thighs clenched around the dragon’s neck and her hands turned to claws on Hiccup’s shirt. Through the wind burning her eyes she could see their destination: a small crescent-shaped island around a brightly colored little bay that even from a distance seemed to be teeming with life.

The closer they got, the better view of what kind of life she got.

Her eyes widened as they drew up into a gentle glide as they came in for the landing. On the little islet below she saw dragons of every species she’d ever seen and then some, all huddled around little nests filled with either eggs or chirping hatchlings. They landed on one of the rare empty cliffs of the island and Hiccup jumped off before offering a hand to help her down, which in her amazement Astrid was too preoccupied to reject.

“The dragons’ nesting grounds?” she breathed, and Hiccup nodded.

“They come here every year to lay their eggs and raise their young until the hatchlings are big enough to fly on their own.”

It was an amazing sight to behold. Astrid had never given much thought to dragon breeding habits. Dragons attacked, dragons were killed, more dragons came in their place. She’d assumed they bred like most other animals did: whenever and wherever. She’d never considered they might have a season.

She gasped and drew closer to Hiccup as a Gronkle wandered by, but then she couldn’t help but laugh when she saw the small hoard of baby Gronkles following their mother. They were round pudgy little things with big eyes, and a few of them stopped to look at her with curiosity before their mother was growling to get their attention and they scuttled off after her.

“Come on,” Hiccup said, slipping his hand into hers and dragging her forward. “All your life you’ve been told that dragons are born killers. Well here are more newborn dragons in one place than you will ever see anywhere else.” Astrid followed him automatically, her feet moving of their own accord as she stared around her in wonder. The baby Gronkles were roly-poly little things who seemed to most enjoy sleeping and eating the fish their mothers regurgitated for them. The baby Hideous Zipplebacks were having some difficulty getting the walking thing down, as most of them couldn’t seem to get both heads to agree on a direction to try walking in.

The young Monstrous Nightmares were having more luck, it seemed. They passed by a tired-looking mother whose hatchlings were climbing all over her, setting themselves on fire for a brief moment before extinguishing. And then Astrid nearly lost her footing when a couple of Nadder babies zipped past.

It was warmer here, but she wasn’t sure if it was because they were further south or if it was because of the hot springs that dotted the island. She watched in awe as a mother Gronkle pushed her eggs into one of the bubbling pools. The Gronkle waited, and then after a moment a fat green baby stuck its head out of the water. “The eggs hatch underwater?” she asked, looking at Hiccup who nodded. Astrid turned back to watch more babies start to emerge from the little pool. She noticed a round blue egg off to the side and took a few steps towards it. “I think she missed one. It looks like it’s about to hatch.” The egg was shaking. “Should I get it for her, or will she—”

“Astrid, no!” Hiccup dove in front of her, his arms closing around her and pulling her out of the way before an explosion knocked them both off their feet. Astrid gasped, her hands grabbing Hiccup’s shoulders on instinct as one of his arms broke her fall. She peeked up from the shelter of his chest in time to see a smoking baby Gronkle fall from the sky and land next to her. The baby shook his head and yawned, before pushing himself to wobbly baby feet and padding off to join his mother and siblings.

“You okay?” Hiccup said in her ear, and Astrid turned to look at him, only to be taken aback at just how close they were. She leaned away, her arms sliding off his shoulders and she crawled backwards to get out from under him. She saw the tips of Hiccup’s ears turn red as he pushed himself to his feet and held out a hand to help her up. “Sorry,” he grunted, not looking at her.

“It’s okay,” Astrid said, a bit breathlessly. She looked at the Gronkle family. “So,” she said, staring at the hatchlings and the scattered shards of dragon egg. “The eggs explode.”

“Yep.”

“The eggs explode?”

“Yeah. They explode.”

“Of course. Of course. The eggs explode.” She nodded, her foot tapping against the rock. “Why would they explode? Isn’t that dangerous? What if the eggs are outside the water? What if they’re still in the nest? What would—”

Hiccup sighed and grabbed her arm and dragged her off, ignoring her rambling entirely.

They wondered through the nests full of little families of dragons, Toothless following behind. That’s when something occurred to Astrid. She was surrounded by every breed of dragon she had ever seen in near Berk…save one.

“There aren’t any Night Furies.” Hiccup’s smile slid off his face.

“No there aren’t.”

“Why not?”

He sighed, his brow wrinkling and he turned to watch Toothless try to bat away a herd of curious baby Zipplebacks. “Because there never are.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “The first year we came here there weren’t any and I didn’t think anything of it. The next year there still weren’t any, and by that point Toothless and I had traveled far and I’d seen other nesting grounds, other places favored by other species of dragons, including some used exclusively by Strike Class dragons. But even in the ones used by the dragons most closely related to Night Furies we never saw any.” His frown grew and she could see the sadness in his eyes. “We’ve traveled so far, and I’ve still never seen another Night Fury. I’m not sure I ever will.”

Astrid’s heart sank. “You think he’s the last of his kind?”

Hiccup nodded. “I think he might be. We don’t go to the nesting grounds anymore. He’s never shown any sign that it bothers him but…I don’t know if maybe he just hasn’t figured it out yet.” His boot scuffled at the dirt. “And the thing is, even if I found another Night Fury it doesn’t guarantee that I’d be finding him a mate. For some species it’s all instinct; they find a mate for the season and that’s it. For some, and for most of the Strike Class and more intelligent breeds, they put a lot of thought into choosing their mate and they mate for life.” He glanced at her. “Even if I found a lady Fury there’s no guarantee Toothless will like her or she’ll like him. He may still never take a mate or have hatchlings.”

Astrid followed his eyes to where Toothless had become a reluctant playground for a hoard of hatchlings. They had swarmed him, and he now lay on his stomach, completely defeated, while the tiny babies crawled all over him. She laughed, but her heart still broke for him. “Are you worried about him?” she asked. “He doesn’t look like he’s missing anything.”

Hiccup’s mouth quirked into a soft smile. “I do worry about him. He’s never shown any sign that he’s lonely, but I worry one day he’ll feel like he’s missed something. I don’t know how deep the instinct to reproduce goes. But for now he seems happy with just me.”

Astrid smiled. “I wonder if he has the same worries about you.”

Hiccup’s smile was genuine this time. “Maybe. Either that or he’s concerned about the amount of mating I engage in that doesn’t result in offspring.”

Astrid couldn’t help but laugh at that, even as it niggled something unpleasant in the back of her mind. “He probably thinks you’re doing something wrong.”

Hiccup snorted. “Hey, if the goal is offspring then I _better_ be doing something wrong.” They fell into laughter, first at his joke and then at Toothless’s half-hearted attempts at scaring off the small army of baby dragons who had decided he was their new best friend.

Something picked at Astrid’s braid and she turned to find a large blue snout looming over her attached to some very large yellow eyes. She grinned, her sadness for Toothless suddenly replaced by a warmth in her chest as she wrapped her arms around the Nadder’s horn. “Well if it isn’t my brave little storm-flier,” she said, stroking the cooing dragon under her chin as she nuzzled against her.  There was a series of chirps and she looked down to see four little Nadder hatchlings bobbing around her knees. Astrid broke into a grin and kneeled down to pet them. “And your babies?!” She squealed. “Aw, look at them!” She ran her hand over the nubby little spines that would one day grow into the Nadder’s spiked crown. The baby trilled its joy as its tail spines raised and lowered willy-nilly. The babies pushed at each other, knocking siblings’ heads out of the way to get to her hands. Astrid scooped them all close, enjoying the happy wriggly little bodies vying for her attention.

“Enjoying yourself?” Astrid looked up at Hiccup, who was absently stroking the Nadder’s chin as Astrid was swarmed by her babies.

She beamed at him. “This is amazing. Seriously, totally amazing.” She looked around her, at the creatures she’d feared and hated all her life, all gathered together in little families. “You were right,” she said. “I’ll gladly admit it. You were right.”

The smile he gave her in answer might have been the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

Xx

They danced across the sky, leaping from cloud to cloud chasing waves of sunshine.

Hiccup’s eyes were bright and his smile brighter as he took her hands and pulled her through the air. Despite the altitude and winter air she was warm, warmer than she’d ever been when Hiccup wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. His eyes were such an intense green and the sunlight caught the copper in his hair when he pulled her so close she could count every freckle. She watched his eyes flicker to her lips and found herself hoping, hoping, hoping…

 _Astrid_.

How was it her name sounded so beautiful in his voice? He was leaning in, hardly any space between them…

“Astrid.”

She blinked her eyes open to purple-tinted darkness, the brightness of her dream fading away as the little bodies snuggled in her lap shifted and began to awake. Astrid yawned and rubbed the side of the scaly belly she was leaned up against and the mother Nadder lifted her wing and revealed to Astrid the rest of the world.

Hiccup was standing in front of her, silhouetted against the setting sun and smiling softly at her.

“It’s getting late. You ready to go?”

“If they’ll let me,” Astrid said, gesturing at the slumbering hatchlings on her lap. “It seems like a crime to wake them up.”

Hiccup chuckled as he helped her carefully scoop the babies off her lap and nestle them close to their mother. “I’ve got something else to show you,” he said in a low voice, a strange light in his eyes as he looked at her. She could have sworn she caught a wink as he stood. Astrid rose to her feet and gave the Nadder one last hug.

“Don’t be a stranger, okay?” she told the dragon, who chirped and gave her braid an affectionate nip.

Toothless was obviously eager to leave. His tail was wiggling as he paced around them, warbling. Astrid laughed as she climbed on the saddle. She took one last look around at the dragons scattered across the island. They all looked so happy. So peaceful.

Hiccup’s hands on her hips surprised her. He was climbing on to the saddle behind her, pushing her forwards to sit in front of him.

“What—” His hands came around her waist and placed hers on the strange handles at the top of the saddle while his feet pushed hers onto the pedals either side of Toothless’s neck.

“It’s your turn to fly,” Hiccup said, his voice right next to her ear. He pulled her back flush against his chest and Astrid’s breath hitched.

“I’m not so sure about this,” she breathed, his warmth as unnerving as it was welcome.

“You’ll be fine, I’ll guide you.” Was it her imagination or did his voice sound an octave lower than usual? His hands closed over hers on the handles and his legs draped over hers as he pushed her foot down on the left pedal, the tailfin snapping open behind them.

Astrid swallowed. “Is this really such a good idea? I’ve never done this before.”

There was no plausible reason for Hiccup’s mouth to be that close to her ear. “Don’t worry,” he whispered, “I’ll be gentle.”

The innuendo was not lost on her. Oh gods, was Hiccup _flirting_?

Toothless grumbled beneath them, eager to be in the air, and Hiccup’s feet moved hers into position. He leaned forward, pushing her with him, and Astrid’s heart sped up for a number of reasons before Toothless’s wings spread and they were off.  It left her as breathless as before, especially without Hiccup to hold onto this time, but his arms were sure and steady around her, and she was more accustomed to holding herself on with her legs now.

They shot into the sky, the clouds around them tinted pink and orange and purple and the whole world seemed golden now, instead of the bright clear blue of earlier. Her hands may have been on the handles but Hiccup was still doing all the work, leaving her to enjoy the magical scene around her. The air was frigid but Hiccup was warm, and when she shivered he rubbed his hands up and down her arms to warm her.

 _This_ must be what the realm of the gods was like. Golden and shining. She lost track of time; the sunset seemed to last longer than usual up this high. It felt like forever before she finally watched the sun disappear beyond the curve of the world, and the moonlight illuminated the soft swells of the clouds around them.

“Where are we going?” she asked, tilting her head to look at Hiccup, whose eyes were focused upwards, smiling at something above them.

“There are few more things I wanna show you,” he said, his voice still low, and he nodded above them.

She looked up. She’d seen the lights that danced in the night sky many times before in her life, but never like this. Never this…close? They seemed far away and close at the same time.

She found herself settling back into Hiccup’s embrace, her head resting on his shoulder as she watched the multicolored fire undulate above them. Hiccup’s hands slid off the handles and he wrapped his arms around her waist. Astrid’s heart sped up.

“I never get tired of this,” Hiccup was saying, “I could spend my whole life in the air and never get bored with it.” Astrid watched him out of the corner of her eye. His eyes wide and bright and the moon highlighted the strong line of his jaw while the wind touseled that silky hair. He was really sort of beautiful. “Once you’ve been up here, it’s so hard to ever go back down.”

She watched his face fall and his eyes fixed on something below them. He nodded downward, and Astrid followed his gaze. She gasped. There, far below them, lights twinkling in the dark, was Berk.

Astrid leaned forward to get a better look. She’d never seen it from this angle. Their village was small compared to most, but it had always felt big from the ground. From up here, it seemed so tiny. The houses little wooden boxes nestled among bumpy hills.

“I miss it sometimes,” Hiccup said. “I don’t know why, but I do. Even though I know no one there misses me.”

Astrid felt something heavy in the pit of her stomach. “That’s not true,” she said, her voice low and almost unsure. She heard Hiccup’s sigh, and cut him off before he could answer, “I missed you.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at Hiccup but she could feel his stare on the back of her head. “I know we didn’t know each other very well but I missed you. I was…I was always kind of curious about you, and suddenly you were gone, and I realized I was never going to get to know you.” Her heart was beating fast and she kept her eyes fixed on the pinpricks of torches burning beneath them. “It wasn’t just guilt. Everything felt weird with you gone. It felt like something was missing.” She swept her bangs out of her eyes, an old habit she’d picked up again in recent weeks. “I know you think no one missed you but they did. _I_ did. A-and I know Gobber did. And your dad.”

“Don’t talk to me about my dad.” His voice was low, barely audible over the wind, and Astrid turned to look at him, fully prepared to face his glare but was surprised to see him looking sad instead. His eyes were still on the village below; his shoulders were slumped and his forehead was creased. “Do you know what he said to me after Gothi chose me to kill the Nightmare?” Astrid didn’t answer. “He told me he was proud of me. I don’t think he’d ever told me that before. Not once.” Hiccup’s chest heaved as he exhaled through his nose. “I finally had my dad’s approval, and it was all through lies and deception. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to kill that dragon. And there was no way I could ever tell him about Toothless.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “He would have been so disappointed in me. He would’ve—he would’ve hated me.” He opened his eyes and though she couldn’t tell in the darkness, Astrid thought she might have seen the glimmer of tears rimming his eyes. “My dad mourned the son he was proud of. He mourned a son who died a hero.”

His eyes were pleading when he looked at her. “I don’t want him to know I’m the dragon master because I don’t want to take that away from him. For a brief moment in my life my dad was actually proud of me and I don’t want to lose that either. I don’t…I don’t want my dad to hate me. And if he knew what I turned into he would.” He shook his head.  “Let him have the son he was proud of.”

Astrid’s heart was in her throat. She swallowed. “I won’t tell,” she said softly. “I won’t ever tell.” Hiccup nodded before clearing his throat and reaching around her for the handles again.

They shifted into a slow descent as the circled around the side of the island, away from the village. Astrid said nothing as they flew over the forest and came finally to land in the cove. Hiccup slid off and helped her down from the saddle.

She looked around, at the faded scorches on the rocks, at the spot where she’d found her broken axe…at the place on the ground she had sat and cried until she’d found the strength to run for help. “I haven’t been back here since it happened,” she said quietly. “Why are we here?”

Hiccup wasn’t looking at her. He was adjusting a strap on Toothless’s saddle, up and down, in and out, trying to look busy. “You’re free to go.”

Astrid stared at him, her stomach making a funny sort of flip. “I—what?”

He shrugged. “You can leave. Go back to the village. Go home. I won’t stop you.” He glanced at her from under his bangs. “I told you I’d let you leave when I thought we were both safe. You’ve promised not to spill my secret, and I think you can take care of yourself. So go on.” He busied himself with more needless fiddling with the saddle. “I’ll stay nearby to watch to make sure you’re okay for a couple of days, and then I’ll bring your stuff back here, but I’m not holding you captive anymore.”

“I…” She didn’t know what to say. A month and a half she’d waited to hear those words and now that she did she didn’t know how to feel about it.  “Why now?”

“Because I trust you. Because you changed. Because you know what dragons are really like now.” He shrugged. “I wasn’t going to give Berk one of their best warriors back. Not if there was a chance I could show you the truth.”

Astrid’s heart was pounding against her ribcage. “Hiccup, I…” She thought about Berk. About raid after raid and swinging her axe at any dragon in sight. She thought of her house and the parents who had betrayed her. Of the whole village that had given her up.

She thought of the Deadly Nadder, of the warm belly she’d slept next to, of the hatchlings curled up on her lap, of Toothless with his tongue lolling out as he spread out on his back in the sunlight. She thought of her little garden, of sewing in the forge while Hiccup worked and chatting about nothing.

She thought of how she’d felt safer sleeping next to a dragon than she felt about walking back into that village.

“What if I don’t want to go back?”

Hiccup’s head snapped up and he gaped at her, hands stilling their fidgeting on the saddle. “What?”

Astrid’s hands were shaking, and from more than the cold. “What if I don’t want to go back? To Berk, I mean. What if I don’t want to go back?” Hiccup continued to gape. Astrid felt all the heat in her body rush to her cheeks. “It’s just…I know I’ve been asking to come home but now that I’m actually facing it I realized…” she trailed off shaking her head. “I don’t want to go back,” she said. “I don’t want to go back there. After what they did to me, I don’t want to go back. After everything I’ve seen I’m not even sure if I could.”

“Not even for your sister?”

Astrid frowned. “It’s like you said,” she continued, “About dying a hero. When she’s older Brenna will realize what really happened and I’ll have been the sister who died to save her village. I’ll be her hero. But if I go back…” she shrugged. “I can’t fight them. Not after all that. I could claim I was traumatized, but I’d go from being the fearless sister she looks up to, to some weak, frightened I don’t-even-know-what.” Her heart broke at the thought but she knew it had to be done. “This way she gets to keep her hero.”

Hiccup nodded, mouth still hanging open. “So, what do you wanna do now?”

Astrid shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I just—I don’t—I don’t want to go back there. I don’t know what to do.” She stared at the ground by Hiccup’s feet. She was trembling, the world seemed to have flipped upside down.

“You could stay with me,” Hiccup said quietly.  “I mean, you probably don’t want to,” he said, louder, “But you could. If you wanted to. You don’t have to. I could take you to port. You could find passage on a ship, go someplace new, someplace peaceful maybe. Start over or something.”

Astrid nodded automatically. “Maybe,” she said, her voice a little breathless. “Maybe.” Oh gods, what was she doing? She didn’t want to go back to Berk. Only that morning she had but now she couldn’t fathom going back.

Hiccup’s hand wrapped around hers and she looked up at him. She hadn’t even heard him approach. There was a deep kindness in his eyes she longed to see more often. “You don’t have to decide now,” he said, his voice gentle. “We’ll go home, you can sleep on it.” His hand was so warm around hers. It anchored her. She had always been so sure of herself, had always known who she was and what she stood for and what she wanted. Now she wasn’t sure of anything except that ‘home’ no longer felt like the village behind her and that she didn’t want Hiccup to let go of her hand.

“Yeah,” she whispered, allowing Hiccup to lead her back to Toothless.

Her mind was a swirling mess of thoughts during their return flight.  Astrid watched the lights of Berk shrink into the distance over Hiccup’s shoulder and gripped the arm that held her waist tighter when finally she lost sight of the village behind a cloud.

“I know,” he whispered, his lips just brushing the shell of her ear. “I know how hard it is to leave. If you change your mind—”

Astrid shook her head, her eyes squeezing closed. “I can’t go back.” Her eyes burned with tears she was too stubborn to let fall. “I can’t.”

Hiccup tightened his arms around her, and when he pressed a tentative kiss against her temple she let him.

X

She fell asleep on the flight back, safe and comforted in Hiccup’s embrace. He nudged her gently awake when they arrived back at his mountain home, and Astrid blinked drowsily at the large entrance cave. She felt like a completely different person than she had the first time he had brought her here. She felt like a completely different person than she had been this morning.

She said nothing as Hiccup helped her off the saddle, already missing the warmth of him at her back and his arms around her.

“You don’t have to make a decision about what you want to do any time soon,” Hiccup was saying, staring at his feet and shuffling them awkwardly. “If you want to go back, I’ll take you back. If you want to stay, you’re welcome to. If you want me to help you find somewhere else to go, then I will.” It didn’t escape her notice that he sounded a little sad just saying it. Did he want her to stay?

“Yeah, I’ll um,” Astrid swallowed. “I’ll let you know when I figure it all out. My head feels kinda messy right now.”

Hiccup looked up in time to see the brief smile she gave him. They looked at each other in silence for a long moment. They were bathed in moonlight from the cave mouth behind them, Toothless being far too busy watching them curiously to light the fire. Astrid looked at Hiccup, really _looked_ at him; at the line of his jaw and his broad shoulders and his freckles and high cheekbones and the kindess in his eyes. He was so different from the boy she had known but underneath it all she knew that boy was still in there, and he was beautiful.

Her arm raised and she socked Hiccup’s shoulder.

“Hey! What—”

“That’s for taking so long to take me home,” Astrid told him, her legs shaking. Hiccup rubbed at his arm, glaring at her. Her hand rose to sweep her bangs away from her eyes. She took another step forward and her stomach flipped as she reached out and grabbed the front of Hiccup’s shirt.

“Woah, what are you—”

She yanked him closer and pressed her lips to his.

She’d meant it to be a brief kiss, just a brush of lips, but as soon as she felt his lips mold to hers she didn’t want to stop. She didn’t ever want to stop. This kiss was miles away from the first one they’d shared. It was gentle where that first kiss had been rough and demanding. Instead of nervous heat this kiss sent a soft warmth radiating through her body down to the tips of her fingers and toes. Hiccup’s lips slid slowly against hers, giving more than he was receiving, asking nothing more than what she was willing to give. His breath was warm on her cheek and she could feel his heart pounding under her hand on his chest.

It was a simple, closed-mouth kiss, and it made her feel as weightless as she had soaring miles above the earth.

Hiccup’s hand rose to her back and she pulled away, meeting his half-lidded eyes with her own.

“T-that’s for,” her voice sounded breathless to her own ears, “That’s for everything else.” Her hand dropped from his shirt and her eyes from his face as she turned and walked away from him as fast as she could without breaking into a sprint. She didn’t bother to pull out her torch; she wanted the darkness of the tunnel to swallow her up. She didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to think too hard about what she’d just done, or about how much she had enjoyed it.

Behind her she heard a low grumbling roar, followed by Hiccup’s voice, at least an octave too high, “Wha-what are you looking at?”

 


	11. Hardest of Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite knowing exactly what I wanted to happen this chapter was such a pain to write, but it also contains one of my favorite scenes I've written in terms of pure hilarity. This was another chapter where I had someone ask if we could see something happen literally as I was writing the scene where it happens.
> 
> Thursday's sneak peek on tumblr might be late this week. I'm having an endoscopy (where they stick a tiny camera on a long bendy scope thing down your throat to look at your stomach) on Thursday morning to find out why I'm getting sick after eating nearly everything, so depending on how doped up I am that day I might not get around to posting it. 
> 
> On with the show. Warnings: super vaguely alluded to sexy things...non-hiccstrid sexy things RUH-ROH

Astrid awoke to sore thighs, an aching back, wind burned cheeks, and the overwhelming feeling that she was the dumbest person to ever walk the earth.

At some point during the night she’d dreamed that she hadn’t actually kissed Hiccup, but had merely _dreamed_ that she’d kissed Hiccup, only to wake from _that_ dream and remember that nope, yeah, she had definitely actually kissed Hiccup. That had happened. She had done it.

Thor strike her dead, she had done it.

Astrid groaned and buried her face in a pillow. She’d been so sure of everything last night, but in the stark light of day she was reeling. She’d had the chance to go home and turned it down. Hiccup had flirted with her and she had let him.

She had kissed Hiccup and enjoyed it, and worst of all, she wasn’t sure she regretted it.

She felt like an idiot and had no idea how she was going to face him, but it had been the best kiss she’d ever had, and she couldn’t quite find it in her to regret doing it, and that terrified her most of all. She shouldn’t have done it. She knew she shouldn’t have done it. Her whole world had been flipped upside down; she had no business throwing a romantic entanglement into the middle of it. What was she supposed to do? Stay with him? Continue on with this strange little domestic arrangement they had? Tend his garden? Mend his clothes? Nag him about the dirty dishes and his drinking problem?

It wasn’t a bad life, really, but she had never been content with the thought of being a housewife, and she couldn’t deny that was essentially what she was becoming, minus the sex.

Which was another issue entirely.

She knew how Hiccup was with girls. He’d _told_ her what he was like with girls. And she had no intention of being with him that way, not for a long time, at least. But if she got involved with him, he’d have expectations of her, surely…

Astrid groaned again and pulled the heavy furs over her head. Everything was a mess. She wasn’t sure where she fit into the world anymore. She couldn’t go back to Berk, she knew that. But she couldn’t stay here either, could she? With a dragon-sympathizing vigilante with a drinking problem who liked seducing girls off fishing boats?

That boy she had known might still be inside him somewhere, but the boy in the forge was buried deep underneath the short temper and the dragons and the vices.  Surely no good would come of trying to dig him out.

She laid in bed until her stomach was grumbling so loudly that she could not ignore it any longer. She dressed and braided her hair as slowly as she feasibly could. It was so late in the morning that surely Hiccup had finished his breakfast and was busy with other things, she told herself as she meandered to the little kitchen. Surely.

There was nothing to worry about. By now he and Toothless were probably several miles up and a few dozen miles away.

Or maybe they’d been out late last night and Hiccup had slept in and was just now eating breakfast because the gods hated her. He looked up when she entered the room, his lips quirking in an attempt at a smile around his mouthful of bread. Astrid spared him a brief smile before fixing her eyes firmly ahead of her. She could feel his gaze on her as she buttered bread and sliced fruit for her breakfast.

It was a dreary morning; icy rain dinged against the leather tarp that covered the open roof of the cave. That must be why Hiccup and Toothless weren’t flying today. She sat down beside him on the wooden bench he’d built at her request. (“Don’t you ever get tired of sitting on the table or on crates and stuff?” “No?” “Well I do. Make some chairs or something.”)

“Morning,” he said, his voice lilting up, the greeting itself forming a question as to why she was ignoring him.

“Good morning,” she replied, voice clipped and eyes on her food.

They fell into uneasy silence. Astrid stared at her plate and willed herself to eat even though anxiety set her stomach churning.

“So.” Astrid’s chest tightened.

_Please don’t bring it up. Please don’t bring it up. **Please** don’t bring it up. _

“You kissed me.”

“Yes I did.”

_Please just drop it, please just drop it, please just drop it._

“Why?”

Astrid pushed the fruit around on her plate, still not looking at him. She shrugged, trying for nonchalance. “Oh, you know, just a friendly little thank you kiss for yesterday.”

Hiccup snorted. “Is that what you’re going with?”

Astrid frowned at her food. “That’s all it was.”

“Really?” Hiccup sounded unconvinced.

“Yes.”

“Just a friendly thank you kiss?”

“Yes.”

One of Hiccup’s hands was suddenly in front of her, taking her plate from her hands and sitting it on the bench beside them. She was about to protest when he pinched her chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced her to look at him. She stared with wide eyes as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. His eyes were intense as he watched her.

“That was a friendly thank-you kiss,” he said, his voice low. His eyes dropped to her lips and she couldn’t move as he pressed another brief kiss against her lips. It was no more than a swift peck but she still had to stop herself from following him when he pulled away. “ _That_ was a friendly thank-you kiss.” His eyes were burning and his voice gravelly when he spoke. “What you gave me last night was _not_ a friendly thank-you kiss.”

Astrid swallowed; her mouth felt dry and her heart was pounding in her ears. “It didn’t mean anything.” She wanted to wince at how breathless she sounded. Even to her own ears she sounded unsure.

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

She shook her head as much as she could with her chin still in his grip. “No, it’s n—”

He tilted her face towards his and pressed his lips to hers.

She melted into him without meaning to, something loosening in her chest, a comfortable warmth spreading through her limbs. There was more force behind this kiss; a restrained passion simmering below the surface of the gentle pressure. Hiccup drew her bottom lip into his mouth and ran his tongue along it in lazy stripes, sending a shiver down her spine.

Her lips chased his without her consent when he drew back, and when her eyes fluttered open he was giving her a smug smirk. “Like I said,” Oh damn him. Damn that sly, sexy smile and that husky voice. And damn his clever, stupid brain. “What you gave me last night was _not_ a friendly thank-you kiss.”

She jerked away from his grasp. “It didn’t mean anything,” she said, an edge to her voice.

Hiccup’s eyes narrowed. “Astrid—”

“It didn’t mean anything,” she repeated, louder this time, picking up her plate only to have him take it from her again.

“Bullshit, it didn’t mean anything,” Hiccup growled. He reached for her, leaning in, but Astrid pulled away, standing and turning to glare at him.

She held up a hand, her finger pointing right in his face. “If you kiss me again I swear I’ll knock your teeth out. It. Meant. Nothing.”

Hiccup matched her glare. “That’s a lie and you know it.”

Astrid pursed her lips. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a lie or not, you still have to take it.” His left eyebrow lifted just slightly and Astrid panicked. “Not that I’m saying it is a lie, because it isn’t!” she clarified as her stomach did a barrel roll. Hiccup stood and took a step towards her. Astrid backed up, her hand still held out to block him. “You’re a good kisser, okay?” she said, wondering if she sounded as hysterical to his ears as she did to hers. “You’re a good kisser, and I don’t have a lot of experience with that kind of thing, and, and I was vulnerable.” He kept walking towards her and Astrid kept backing up. “I was confused. I was confused and vulnerable and you were there. It meant nothing.”

Her back hit the opposite wall and she barely had time to blink before Hiccup’s hands were on her, one tangled in her hair at the base of her braid and the other grabbed her waist and dragged her into him. His lips crashed into hers and she whimpered. He kissed her hard, his lips insistent and pleading, working so passionately against hers that she wasn’t even sure how to begin to reciprocate. His tongue forced past her lips and met the gate of her teeth.

Her hands found his chest and she shoved him hard. He took a stumbling step back, panting. He opened his mouth, but she cut him off before he could speak. “I want to find passage on a ship.” She watched his face open in confusion. She swallowed, trying to catch her own breath. “I made my decision. I can’t stay here. I can’t—I can’t be your odd little housekeeper anymore. And I can’t go back, so I’ll go somewhere new. Start over.” She nodded. “That’s my decision.”

Hiccup stared her down. “Is that really what you want?”

“Yes,” she said, even as some voice in the back of her mind yelled _no_.

She couldn’t want him.

“Fine.” It was like he pulled something out of her chest when he turned and walked away. Some piece of her was tied to a string and he’d yanked it out, but she knew better than to chase it.

She wanted to say something but she didn’t know what. She didn’t know what to tell him, how to tell him. She only wanted not to lose the fragile friendship they’d built. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by a loud screech from above.

Through the hole in the leather tarp through which the smoke from the fire escaped had just swooped a bright green Terrible Terror. The little dragon circled the room for a minute before landing on Hiccup’s shoulder and scrambling up onto his head. Its buggy yellow eyes fixed on her and it screeched again. Astrid stared, both at the sudden appearance of the dragon and Hiccup’s complete lack of reaction to it. He merely reached up, plucked the Terror off of his head, and cuddled it in his lap while he did something to its leg. It was then that Astrid noticed the dragon had something small and leather attached to its leg from which Hiccup pulled a rolled up piece of paper.

The Terror slipped from his lap and scuttled over to her, sniffing curiously at her leg before it half-leapt, half-flew onto her shoulder. Astrid swatted it away and it squawked indignantly at her before scuffling off and curling up on the floor near the fire. Hiccup was frowning at something on the paper when she turned her attention back to him.

“Did that dragon just bring you a letter?”

Hiccup nodded. “Terror mail. Terrible Terrors are excellent trackers so they’re great for sending messages.”

“And who’s gonna be sending you messages?”

“None of your business,” Hiccup snapped, balling up the slip of paper and tossing it into the fire. “But if you want to hop a ship I can take you tomorrow if the rain lets up. There will be lots of ships resting in ports for the holiday. You should have no trouble finding someone to take you _far_ away.” There was a distinct bitterness to his voice and he wouldn’t look at her, and it was like they were back to that first couple of weeks, when they couldn’t have a conversation without yelling at each other.

“Hiccup, I’m sorry.”

“What do you have to apologize for?” She didn’t like that hard tone, that harsh glare he was directing at his bacon. “It’s not your fault I was dumb enough to think you would ever want me.”

It was nearly enough to break her resolve. She wanted to tell him that she did want him, that she had wanted him when they were kids. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t tell him and she couldn’t want him. Not the way things were.

So instead Astrid cleared her throat and asked, “Can they be trained to go anywhere?”

“Sailors?”

“Terrors.”

 Hiccup glanced up at her. “Pretty much. Why?”

“No reason.”

Hiccup’s attention returned to his food and after a while Astrid returned to her own breakfast. They sat and ate in silence as icy as the rain pinging off the roof above them.

Xx

“Get your bag, we’re leaving.”

These were the most words Astrid had heard from Hiccup in two days. Following their conversation he had ignored her for the rest of that day and into late evening the next, at which point he had said those words to her and dropped into silence again.

Astrid stared forlornly at the moon hanging over them. Not even the view of the soft masses of clouds around them could lift her spirits. She’d hurt Hiccup, it seemed, though she couldn’t honestly say if it was his heart she’d wounded or his pride. They’d had a good thing going, and then she’d had a spectacular momentary lapse of judgment and ruined everything. The other night she had fit so perfectly in Hiccup’s arms as they flew; now she held her arms loosely around his waist, afraid to let go but afraid to hold any tighter.

It was a long, silent, painful flight, and Astrid was glad when land finally loomed in the distance. It was a big town, she could tell from here. Dozens of ships were settled in the harbor, and there were fires and lights all over the town, clearly marking the Snoggletog festivities. They circled around to land in a wooded area outside the town, and Astrid’s stomach tangled into knots.

“Leave your bag here; you won’t be leaving tonight even if you do find a ship. And stay close to me; it’s easy to get separated in the crowd…” Astrid stood idly by and said nothing as Hiccup listed off the things she should and shouldn’t do and say once they got into town. He still wouldn’t look at her, too busy gathering some things from various pockets in Toothless’s saddle and stashing them in a small bag hung from his belt.

He was dressed normally for once; instead of his usual riding leather he had simple green tunic under a leather vest and winter jacket. It was important to look normal, inconspicuous; that was one of the things he’d told her. She wasn’t to mention she was from Berk. She wasn’t to mention much of anything, actually, but to let him do all the talking.

Much like right now.

They’d left Toothless by a stream and headed down the side of a hill towards the outskirts of the town, neither of them speaking. There was a rift between them, and Astrid hated it. If she was going to be saying goodbye soon she didn’t want to leave on such bad terms. She pulled her fur-lined cloak closer around her and cleared her throat.

“Hiccup?”

He grunted in reply.

“I’m sorry. For, you know, everything. I made a mistake.”

Hiccup raised an eyebrow at her. “What was the mistake? Kissing me or pretending the kiss didn’t mean anything?”

She sighed. “Hiccup, that’s not fair—”

He scoffed. “No, you know what’s not fair, Astrid?” He glared at her. “Kissing me like that and then claiming there’s nothing between us.” He huffed, his breath misting in front of him. “It’s not fair to jerk me around like that.”

Astrid cast her eyes to the ground and kept them there, watching for branches or brambles in her way. “I didn’t mean to,” she said quietly. “I just wanted to—I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She squeezed her eyes shut and grit her teeth against her next question. “What would it matter if there was something between us?”

Hiccup stopped walking but she kept going. “…do you want there to be something between us?” Astrid kept her eyes straight ahead.

“It doesn’t matter if I do,” she said. “What am I supposed to do? Stay with you? Live in a mountain with a dragon?”

Hiccup caught up with her, walking close while he spoke, and Astrid had to look the opposite direction to keep from seeing him in her periphery. “You could help me,” he pled, “Once the weather warms up and the dragons migrate back they’ll start putting traps out. I can teach you to fly; you can help me rescue them. You could help me steal supplies during raids.” He grabbed her hand. “Astrid please,” he begged, and Astrid squeezed her eyes closed again, trying to block out the image in her mind of his green eyes wide and pleading.  “Stay with me.”

She sighed. “If I promise to consider it will you let go of my hand?”

Hiccup’s grip loosened and she slipped her hand free.

The rest of the journey was taken in silence.

At last they reached the town, and Astrid stared in awe around her. She’d never been anywhere other than Berk before, and even knowing her village was relatively small she’d never really been able to picture a sprawling larger town before. The buildings were all built so much closer together, and Snoggletog decorations and lanterns were strung between the rooftops. People were milling about everywhere, and staying close to Hiccup became such a challenge that at last she grabbed his hand just to keep from losing him. He leaned close to her ear and said, “This way,” before pulling her off a side street. In the distance she could see boats, but they turned down another street and he led her into the door of a building from which she could hear raucous noise.

There was an explosion of music and laughter as soon as they were through the doorway. They were in a tavern clearly, if the number of barmaids carrying huge mugs of mead and men toasting each other drunkenly was any indication. And a seedy tavern, judging by the scantily-dressed women sitting on men’s laps. Astrid’s lip curled and she leaned close to Hiccup’s ear. “What are we doing here?”

“Finding you a ship,” he replied, grinning at her. “You want to find sailors during Snoggletog, they’re going to be celebrating just like anyone else. And if they’ve been on icy winter seas for a while then there are two things they’re going to want: a drink and a woman.”

They wove through the crowd to the bar, where a plump, busty middle-aged woman with dark curls beamed at Hiccup upon seeing them. “Hic!” she shouted, ignoring the group of men clamoring for her attention and making her way over to them. “How are you, m’boy, I haven’t seen you here in a while!” She narrowed her eyes at him, though a smile pulled at her lips. “Haven’t been drinking anywhere else, have you?”

Hiccup laughed. “Hilde, why would I go anywhere else? The whole barbaric archipelago knows you brew the best Winter’s Ale there is.”

The woman, Hilde, laughed heartily and gave him a proud smile. “That I do, and don’t you ever forget it! Can I get you some? It’ll warm those skinny bones of yours on a night like this.” Her eyes slid over his shoulder and landed on Astrid. Her thick black eyebrows rose. “If you haven’t found something else to warm your bones with.”

Hiccup laughed nervously and shot a glance at Astrid. “Oh, ha, uh, no, this, uh, this is Astrid. A friend I’m helping get passage on a ship out of town. But we’ll take some ale, yeah.” Hilde winked at him.

“Two of my best Winter’s Ales coming right up. And you just let me know if you need anything else, alright Hic? A drink, or a room—”

“We’re good, thanks, Hilde!” Hiccup said, taking their drinks from Hilde and steering Astrid away from the bar. They found a table in an area that wasn’t swarming with people and settled down. Astrid took a huge swig from her mug as soon as Hiccup handed it to her.

“I take it this is usually where you bring your conquests?” she said, a hint of bitterness in her tone.

Hiccup cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he mumbled into his drink.

“Hiccup!”

They looked up to see a girl their age with black hair pushing through the crowd towards them. Hiccup’s face lit up at the sight of her and he got to his feet. “Heather, hey!”

Astrid’s mood immediately soured. So _this_ was Heather. She watched the girl give Hiccup a brief hug, grinning at him. “I guess you got my letter?”

“Yeah, it came yesterday morning.” Astrid frowned into her drink. Heather was pretty, she supposed. Her hair was long and silky even if it was black, and she had a nice enough figure and a pretty enough face.

“I hadn’t heard back from you, I was kind of worried my little messenger got caught up in the storm.”

“Nah, he made it alright, he just didn’t want to go back out. I was already gonna be in town on some business anyway, so I knew I’d see you.”

Astrid’s eyes narrowed. So _Heather_ was the one who sent the letter, and Hiccup _knew_ he was going to be seeing her tonight. And still he picked tonight to bring her here.

“What kind of business?” She looked genuinely fascinated, and Astrid had to resist the urge to snort. There was no reason to look that interested about anything Hiccup had said so far. That hand on his arm, was that really necessary? No, of course not.

“Oh, well,” Hiccup turned back to look at her, an uneasy smile on his face. “Well, Heather, this is Astrid. She’s a friend of mine. Astrid,” his smile was almost pained as he looked between them. “This is Heather. She’s an old friend.”That time Astrid really did snort. As if she didn’t know _exactly_ what Heather was to him.

She gave Heather her best fake smile, the kind that girls everywhere know to mean ‘I’m being nice to you because I have to, not because I want to’. “Hi.”

“Hello,” Heather said, her own smile not quite reaching her eyes as she glanced back and forth between Astrid and Hiccup, who was watching the two girls anxiously. “So, you’re a friend of Hiccup’s?”

Astrid rolled her eyes and took another drink of her ale. “You can stop giving me that look; he’s only fucked one of us.”

Heather’s eyes went wide and she looked to Hiccup, who was wincing. “Astrid is from Berk,” he said, swinging his hands at his side. “And she’s trying to find a ship that can take her somewhere not-Berk.

“Oh.” Heather eyed her curiously, while Astrid pretended to be bored. “Well. We might have room on my dad’s boat.”

Oh, she was _not_ spending weeks on a boat with a girl Hiccup was sleeping with.

Hiccup grinned at her. “That’d be great.”

That would _not_ be great, but Astrid couldn’t think of a nice way to say it with Heather there so she settled for scowling into her mug.

“Uh, Hiccup,” Heather was saying, and it didn’t escape Astrid’s notice that the girl was watching her out of the corner of her eye. “Can I talk to you for a minute, privately?”

“Uh, sure.” He glanced at Astrid. “I’ll be right back.” She gave him a curt nod and pretended to be engrossed in her drink as Hiccup and Heather disappeared into the crowd. She surveyed the room, trying to see any men who were obviously sailors. Surely she could find a better travel option. On the upside traveling with Heather meant she wouldn’t need a cover story. On the other hand, _Heather_. Who was probably a very nice girl, but nonetheless a very nice girl Hiccup had bedded.  Whether there was something between her and Hiccup or not, Astrid did not want to spend weeks or months with the girl to whom Hiccup had lost his virginity. It was too weird.

“Astrid?” She turned around to find Hiccup was back at their table, sans Heather, and was wringing his hands together as he watched her. His brow was furrowed and his lips were parted to reveal clenched teeth. “Uh, look, Heather has a room upstairs, and, well—”

Astrid pursed her lips and resisted the urge to glare. “And she invited you up?”

He winced. “Yeah.”

Astrid hummed and idly swirled the contents of her mug. “Are you going to go?”

She glanced up at Hiccup’s sigh. “I—unless there’s some reason I shouldn’t.”

She knew what he was asking.

He wanted to know if there was any hope for the two of them; if there was anything between them that should stop him from going upstairs with Heather. Astrid had to resist the urge to slap him.

Because how dare he even need to ask.

Because of _course_ there was something between them. It was something that she couldn’t allow to happen, but there was something. Or at least she had thought there was. But how dare he? How _dare_ he? How dare he accuse her of leading him on when he could so easily set her aside and climb into bed with another girl? If he really liked her the way he’d insinuated he did, then he shouldn’t have to ask her permission. He shouldn’t even have been considering it. If he wanted her then he shouldn’t be wanting anyone else. That’s how this was supposed to work.

Unless _this_ wasn’t the same thing to him as it was to her.

She felt like an idiot. Of course it wasn’t the same thing to him. She’d been falling for him, and for him this was probably about nothing but sex. That’s how he was with girls, why should she have expected to be any different?

Astrid smiled even as she wanted to sneer. “Nope, no reason that I can think of,” she said far too brightly, and she saw how it made Hiccup frown.

“No reason at all?”

Astrid shrugged. “Nope. Have fun.” She leaned back in her seat and took another sip of her drink, hoping the buzz would kick in soon, because the last thing she wanted right now was to be sober.

Hiccup’s expression darkened. “Fine. I’ll see you later.”

“Fine. Don’t forget to pull out.” Hiccup shot her a dirty look over his shoulder as he disappeared into the crowd.

Astrid downed the rest of her drink in one gulp and glared at her empty mug.

“Astrid?”

Astrid’s head snapped up and her eyes bulged at the dark-haired young man pushing through the crowd towards her.

“Eret?” He grinned at her and took a seat at her table. "I-what are-hi." She gave him a smile.

“Hello, love, I thought that was you,” he said, pouring some of the mead from his mug into hers. “You’re a long way from Berk. What are you doing way out here, especially this time of year? It’s a holiday for you Viking folk, isn’t it?”

Astrid nodded and gladly took a sip from her newly-refilled mug. “It’s a long story. I’m kind of trying to get away from home, actually. Better question, what are _you_ doing out here this time of year? You’re a southern boy; shouldn’t you be back home by now?”

Eret shrugged. “I go where the work takes me, when the work takes me, and right now the work is up north.”

A seed of panic settled in Astrid’s chest. A whole crew of sailors who recognized her from Berk was the last thing she needed... “Wait, so if you’re here, then the rest of your crew--”

“Oh, no, no,” Eret shook his head and took a generous gulp of his mead. “No, I’m not still with the same crew I was with when I visited Berk. No, that was just some side work for the summer while my own vessel was being repaired.”

Astrid sat up a little straighter, panic dissipating. “You have your own ship?”

Eret gave her the dashing grin Ruffnut had fallen head-over-heels in love with last summer when he and the rest of a crew of gorgeous sailors had landed on Berk. “Of course I have my own ship. Wouldn’t be much of a dragon trapper without one.”

Astrid sank back into her seat. “You’re a dragon trapper?”

Eret nodded. “Berk is pretty well defended, but not all villages fare quite so well. There’s good money in helping rid them of the problem, and of course there’s some folks that’ll pay a lot of money for live dragons. “

Astrid frowned at her mug. “Oh.”

“Something wrong?”

She shrugged. “I’m trying to find a ship that’ll take me somewhere new. I was going to ask if I could come with you, but…” _I no longer believe in fighting dragons? I don’t want to watch these beautiful creatures I’ve come to understand aren’t dangerous being captured?_ “I’m kind of trying to get away from dragons and dragon fighting.”

“Really?” Eret raised a thick eyebrow at her “If I remember correctly, you were one of the best warriors your village had.”

She tried to look nonchalant. “Some things have happened since then. It’s a long story. Anyway I just want to get away from Berk for a while.”

Eret hummed into his drink. “They trying to force you into marriage and motherhood and all that?”

Astrid’s lip quirked. “Something like that.”

Eret’s brow lifted higher and he gave her an amused smirk. “I’ll admit I’m intrigued but I get the feeling you don’t want to talk about it. So I’ll let you go if you tell me what a girl like you is doing in a place like this.” He waved a hand around the room. “I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised to find someone like, say, that mad friend of yours here, but you? I never would have guessed it.” He winced. “Was she mad when she found out that we—”

“Never told her,” Astrid cut him off quickly.

“Don’t blame you.” Eret tilted his chair back on two legs and rested his feet on the table. “Speaking of which, since I can’t imagine you coming to this place of your own free will, you here with someone?”

“Well, I have a friend who brought me here. He’s supposed to be helping me find passage on a ship.”

“ ‘He’? And are you here _with_ this friend of yours?”

Astrid felt like a weight had just been dropped into her stomach. She took another long swill of mead. She was finally starting to get a decent buzz going, thank the gods. The noise around her had gone from annoying clamor to pleasant ambiance, and she was starting to feel warm and comfortable, until the mention of her companion came up.

“Sort of,” Astrid said, scowling into her mug.

Eret chuckled at her sudden change in mood. “What does ‘sort of’ mean?”

Astrid glared at the honey golden liquid. “Well, I thought there might be something between us, but he’s upstairs fucking another girl right now, so apparently not.”

Eret’s eyebrows shot to his hairline. “Why’d he go upstairs with another girl?”

“Because I told him to.”

“Well, what’d you do _that_ for?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” Astrid drained her mug and flagged down a passing barmaid. “Hey.” She gestured vaguely towards the empty mug. “Can I have some more…anything?”

Eret raised a hand. “And for me.” He looked at Astrid as the woman scampered off. “You’re going to have to give me a little more than that.”

Astrid smiled wryly at the table. “I kissed him and then I told him it didn’t mean anything.”

“Did it?” She frowned. On the one hand, Astrid was not one to divulge her secrets easily, even to herself. On the other hand, Eret was half a stranger and she was starting to feel tipsy, so what the hel?

“Yeah.” The barmaid returned with more drinks that Eret offered to pay for and Astrid gulped more down. “So then along comes _Heather_ , and he’s all, ‘Oh, she’s got a room, is there any reason I shouldn’t go up with her?’ ” Astrid felt her blood begin to boil just thinking about it. “And in my head I’m like, ‘Hel yes, there’s a reason you shouldn’t go up with her; it’s called you were yelling at me for leading you on an hour ago!’ ” She took another gulp, ignoring the voice in the back of her head that told her to slow down. “I mean, if he really was interested in me, he shouldn’t even _want_ to be up there with fucking Heather, right?”

Eret studied her over the lip of his mug. “And you told him that?”

Astrid shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Well, no, I told him to go. Because I’m an idiot. But only because _he’s_ an idiot.”

Eret hummed noncommittally. “He’s probably trying to get over you. And you did give him your blessing. If you wanted him to believe that you aren’t interested that’s a damn good way to do it.”

“Yeah.”

“Except for the obvious problem where you _are_ interested in him. So why did you tell him you weren’t?”

Astrid sank in her seat. “I don’t know. I’m having a bit of a personal crisis. I don’t know what I want, I don’t know who I am or who I’m supposed to be anymore. I’ve always been a fighter but now I’m not sure what I’m supposed to fight.”

Eret raised an eyebrow at this, and for a moment regarded her suspiciously before smirking and saying, “Well, you could go upstairs and fight the bitch that’s fucking your boyfriend.”

There was just enough alcohol in Astrid’s system for this to seem like a good idea. She downed the rest of her drink in one go and got to her feet, pleased that the room only swayed a little when she did. “He’s not my boyfriend,” she clarified, pointing an unsteady finger at Eret’s nose. “And she’s probably a nice girl.”

“But you’re still gonna kick her ass?”

Astrid giggled, finding this hilarious for reasons best explained by intoxication. “Well, I’m at least gonna kick Hiccup’s.”

Eret caught her hand as she passed by. “Hey,” he said, looking at her seriously. “If it doesn’t work out between you and your idiot, I’m going to be in port for the next week. There’s room on my ship for a passenger and you’re welcome on board. I’ll even give you a discount; make up for that dismal drunken kiss I gave you behind the Great Hall on Berk.”

She blushed and groaned. “I hoped you weren’t gonna bring that up.”

Eret laughed. “I’m a much better kisser sober, I promise.”

Astrid smirked. “I hope so. You’re lucky I didn’t have a point of reference at the time.”

“Oh ho!” Eret laughed, clapping a hand to his chest as if he’d been wounded. “Aren’t you cheeky! Come here.” He pulled her close and kissed her, just briefly. His lips were warm and soft and it wasn’t unpleasant, but it didn’t ignite that buzzing in her chest the way Hiccup’s kisses did.

She was frowning when Eret pulled away. He gave her a knowing smile. “You still want him, don’t you?”

Astrid’s shoulders sagged. She huffed. “Yes.”

Eret clapped her on the back. “Then go get him. I won’t claim to know you extraordinarily well, Astrid, but I have a hard time believing that you don’t know who you are or what you want.”

She gave him one last smile. “Maybe so. Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have some ass-kicking to do.”

Astrid wove through the crowd, not quite drunk but pleasantly tipsy and getting tipsier, until she reached the staircase on the far side of the room. There was a little desk next to the stairs and she leaned against it and addressed the thick-set, balding man behind it.

“What can I help you with, m’dear?” he asked, smiling politely.

“Did you see a young man go up there? Tall, skinny, brown hair; with a girl with black hair?”

“Ehm,” the man frowned at her. “Mayhaps I did, why?”

“I need to know which room they’re in. _Now_.”

The man shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I can’t just go letting people into strangers’ rooms.”

Astrid leaned in closer and narrowed her eyes. “Let me explain something. That young man is my husband-to-be. And since he’s already put a baby in my belly he’s far past the point of being able to back out of this. And right now he’s up there with another woman.” Astrid withdrew her knife from her belt and stabbed it into the desk. “So if you could kindly tell me which room they’re in, I need to have a little chat with my intended.”

The man gulped. “I’ll-I’ll get you a key.” He glanced at an open book on the desk before pulling a key out of a drawer and handing it to her.

“R-room four,” he stuttered as Astrid sheathed her knife. “Second door on the right.”

Astrid nodded sweetly and took the key from him. The noise from below quieted considerably once she reached the next floor. She paused in front of the door with a four painted on it. She pressed her ear to the wood, but couldn’t hear much of anything, which was either a really good sign or a really bad sign. She took a deep breath, unlocked the door, and opened it.

What Astrid had not considered in her semi-inebriated state, was that breaking up whatever was happening in this room necessitated _witnessing_ whatever was happening in this room. And she really could have gone the rest of her life without seeing _this_ ; Hiccup reclining on the bed, completely naked and panting softly, while a half-dressed Heather crouched between his legs, her unbound hair thankfully obscuring whatever she was doing with her head over his lap. Hiccup’s half-lidded eyes locked onto her as she entered the room and snapped wide.

“Astrid?!” he yelped, and it was enough to shock Astrid into turning around.

There was an obscene wet _pop_ whose origin Astrid did not want to contemplate. “Astrid?!” Heather screeched. “Were you thinking about _Astrid_ just now?!”

“Heather, no, she’s—”

“Is that why you were having trouble getting it up?” She demanded, indignant. “Did you have to think about _her_ to get—” She screamed, and Astrid took that to mean Hiccup had finally gotten her to turn around. There was the rustling of fabric and the sound of feet hitting the floor. “What is _she_ doing her?!”

“Excellent question! Astrid, get out!”

“We need to leave,” Astrid told the wall. “Now.”

“Why?!”

“Because last summer when these sailors hung out on Berk for a few days I kinda got drunk and made out with one of them. And he’s downstairs and I need to get away before he sees me.”

Hiccup groaned. “Can’t you just find somewhere to hide?”

Astrid grinned even though he couldn’t see her. “Well, I guess I could just hide in here.” Her smile grew at the sound of Heather’s frustrated moan and Hiccup’s exasperated sigh.

“Oh gods. Fine!” He sighed again. “I’m really sorry about this,” she heard him tell Heather.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll catch you some other time, okay?”

“Can you please just get her out of here so I can get dressed?”

“Astrid?” Was it wrong to feel so happy at how angry Heather sounded?

“Hm?”

“A little privacy, please?”

“I’m giving you five minutes. After that I’m coming back in.”

Hiccup growled. “Fine, just get out!”

Astrid slipped back out the door and waited, relishing in the muffled argument she could hear from the other side of the door.

“…I didn’t know she was gonna do something like this…”

“…said there wasn’t anything between you two!”

“….think she’s jealous, that’s…”

The door opened and Hiccup exited, red-faced and aggravated, his jacket pulled closed in an attempt to hide the still-prominent bulge in his pants.

“I hate you,” Hiccup said as they made their way down the stairs. “Seriously, you couldn’t have found a corner to hide out in for thirty more minutes?”

“Someone recognizing me could be a really bad thing. You’re the one who said I couldn’t tell people I’m from Berk.” As they pushed through the crowded room Astrid caught Eret’s eye on the way out and he winked at her, raising his mug at her as if to say, ‘Well done’.

Xx

Hiccup maintained his silence and sullen expression all the way back to his mountain. The cold air accelerated the return of Astrid’s sobriety, and she could feel the anxiety and tension mounting with every mile. They arrived back in the large entrance cave, and no sooner had they both slipped from Toothless’s back was Hiccup rounding on her.

“What the hel is wrong with you?”

Astrid took a step back. She had hoped the flight would give Hiccup time to calm down, but apparently all it did was give him more time to stew. “I told you, I saw someone who probably knew me.”

Hiccup shook his head, bitter laugher tumbling from his lips. “No, no, that’s not why you dragged me out of there and you know it. You didn’t like that I was up there with Heather.”

Astrid returned his glare, arms crossing over her chest and hip cocked. “I couldn’t care less what you were up there doing with Heather.”

“Liar,” Hiccup spat, a long finger pointed in her face. “You started acting weird when she showed up and it didn’t stop. Just admit it: you didn’t want me to be up there with her.”

“ _You_  shouldn’t have _wanted_ to be up there with her!” Astrid burst. “All that you were saying to me about ‘leading you on’ and ‘being dumb enough to think I’d want you’, and all that, like I’d completely broken your heart or something, and then you’re completely fine with just, hopping in to bed with another girl?!”

“I was trying to get over you! You turned me down so I was trying to get over you!”

“By getting _under_ her?”

“Yes!” Hiccup ran a hand through his hair. “I wanted to forget about you, and I thought that was the best way to do it!”

Astrid scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I’m glad to know I meant so much to you that you found me so easily replaceable.

Hiccup leaned in close to her face. “Why do you care?” he hissed, and Astrid’s eyes widened. “If there’s nothing between us, then why do you care?”

“I—” Astrid gaped at him, her mouth doing an excellent impression of a fish. She threw her hands into the air. “Okay, fine, so maybe there’s something between us!”

In her peripheral vision she saw Toothless slinking out of the room, as he was prone to do when they started fighting. Hiccup straightened up. “Then why did you say there wasn’t?” His voice was low and deceptively calm.

“I don’t know! Okay? I don’t know. Because there can’t be.” She started pacing around the dark room but Hiccup followed her.

“Why can’t there be?”

“Because!” Astrid said, wandering in faster and faster circles around the unlit firepit. “Because everything is so confused right now! I was always going to be a warrior, I was going to fight dragons, and restore my family’s honor, and avenge your death, but that all changed.” Astrid blinked back tears, her voice getting thick. “Everything changed. You’re alive, and you’re _you_ , and everything I’ve ever known about dragons is wrong, and I can’t go back to Berk, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now.”

She kept walking, Hiccup behind her, round and round and round, the cave walls becoming a dizzying grey swirl that echoed the turmoil in her mind. “If I can’t be a dragon-fighting shieldmaiden then what am I supposed to be now? What am I if I stay here? What am I if I go somewhere new? What would I do? Who would I be? My whole world has turned upside down and I don’t know where I’m supposed to fit into it now.”

Hiccup grabbed her arm and pulled her around to look at him. He didn’t look angry anymore, but that hard, determined look was back in his eyes. “What do you _want_ to do?” he asked her, and Astrid blinked at him in confusion.

“I don’t—”

“Yeah you do,” he interrupted, shaking his head at her. “You’re Astrid Hofferson. You’ve always known what you want and who you are. So what do you _want_? Not what you’re _supposed_ to want, not what you _should_ want or _shouldn’t_ want, not even what the Viking thing to want is. What do _you_ want?” He squeezed her hand then said more gently, “That’s your problem, you know? You get so focused on being the best, on doing things the right way, that you don’t let yourself have things. You don’t let yourself enjoy your victories; you don’t let yourself want things unless you’re supposed to want them. So what do _you_ want?”

What _did_ she want? She didn’t know, wasn’t that the whole problem? Astrid’s eyes dropped to her feet. She wanted to go home, but she didn’t; she didn’t want to go back to a world where she no longer fit in. She wanted to leave, to go far away, but no, she didn’t; she didn’t want to leave everything, _everyone_ , who’d ever known her behind. And where could she go? Eret had offered her passage, but he was a dragon trapper; and even settlements that didn’t get attacked by dragons were wary of them. She no longer wanted to be a part of the world she had known.

What did that leave her?

She thought of the island of dragons, of sleeping next to the Deadly Nadder and her babies. She thought of soaring through the sky, of the clouds around her and Hiccup’s chest warm at her back. She wanted more days like that one. Hiccup tugged at her hand and she looked at him, searching those green eyes as if she could find the answer there. She thought of the boy in the forge, the most un-Viking Viking she had ever known, with his crazy ideas and his lopsided smile and the crush she hadn’t let herself admit she’d had until he was gone.

He was standing before her now, and she didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

“What do you want, Astrid?”  He was asking for her sake, not his, she realized.

She exhaled shakily, and it was like she was expelling all the tension and all the doubt and there was no uncertainty left in her voice when she looked at him and murmured, “…you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, a cliffhanger.


	12. As Good a Place to Fall As Any

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THIS IS LATE  
> But between my health and major major writer's block I've had a hard time getting this written. It was super painful to write but I'm actually happy with the result. If you find typos let me know because I've looked at this thing too much. (Side note: I finally have a diagnosis! Acid Reflux, surprise surprise. But no ulcer and no celiac's disease, which is good, because I live on bread and pasta and if I couldn't have gluten I would starve.)
> 
> Chapter title from the song Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine. (I'm working on putting together a playlist for Persephone, by the way.)
> 
> Warnings: Dirty stuff and talk of dirty things. Nothing that serious though. In case you missed my memo on tumblr, Hiccup and Astrid won't be having sex for like 5-7 more chapters. (There will be sex eventually, though.)

It took all of a breathless moment before Hiccup was grabbing her by her hips and dragging her towards him. He leaned in to kiss her and as much as she wanted him to she raised her hand to block him. For a moment they stood there, Hiccup’s lips against her fingertips and his hands hot against her back before Astrid caught the scent of lavender and saffron clinging to his shirt.

“Stop,” she said quietly, meeting his eyes. “Not like this. I don’t want you fresh out of some other girl’s bed. You…you smell like her.”

Hiccup nodded, his disappointment evident as he dropped his hands from her hips. He took a step back and looked at her, eyes wide with hesitant hope. “Does this mean you’ll stay? Here, with me?”

Astrid hesitated; her eyes squeezed shut. “Can we talk about all this in the morning, please?” She peeked at him, when he didn’t look angry she opened her eyes all the way. “I’m exhausted and half-drunk still, and I just—just let me get some sleep okay? I promise we’ll work everything out then.”

“Can’t you just say it, at least? Please?”

“Hiccup--”

“ _Please_.” His eyes seemed to pin her to the floor.

She sighed. “Can I say it in the morning, please, when I can kiss you after I say it, and, and--”

She took a step back and Hiccup caught her hand. “You don’t have to say everything now,” he said, his voice gentle as those wide green eyes. “Just give me something so I know you won’t change your mind before morning.”

She gave him a tired smile. “I’m not gonna change my mind. Just…” She took a deep breath and let it all out in one great sigh. “There’s a lot to talk about, and I think it would be better if we talked after I’ve had some sleep and you’ve had a bath.” Astrid reached up and kissed his cheek. “But I’m not going anywhere.”

His answering sigh sounded like elation and relief and years off his life all at once. His small smile warmed her in the cold cavern. “Now was that so hard?”

Astrid pulled her hand from his. “We’ll talk in the morning, I promise.”

Hiccup nodded. Astrid wondered if she looked as exhausted in that moment as he did. “Okay.”

They shared one last smile before she slipped away.

Astrid sighed when she entered the darkness of the tunnel, feeling more relaxed than she had in a long while, when she ran into something large, soft, and warm. She gasped and pulled her torch from her belt and lit it to reveal a sheepish-looking dragon crouching in the tunnel.

Astrid put her free hand on her hip. “Toothless? Were you eavesdropping?”

His large green eyes shifted back and forth.

“Rrooow?”

Astrid’s eyes narrowed.

“Toothless. Tell the truth.”

“Mrrrmmm. Mrrraaayyreee-ee-ee-ee?”

“Uh huh. That’s what I thought.”

Xx

It was a crisp, clear day with a cloudless blue sky and plenty of sunshine, and the first day in a long time where Astrid had awoken feeling positive. The sunlight poured into the cave they used as a kitchen and glinted off her knife as she sliced little pieces off a mackerel to feed to the little Terrible Terror begging at her feet.

Scamp never sat still, and his tail wiggled eagerly as he snapped up the fish she dropped for him and cackled his thanks. Astrid giggled, cleaning her hands in the water basin to her right while she watched him. Hiccup would probably say she was spoiling him, just like she did Toothless, but Toothless was a housedragon and always well fed. Who knew how often Scamp got a decent meal when he was off flying in the wild.

She was about to begin preparing her own breakfast when hands landed on her hips. Her breath caught in her throat as Hiccup dragged her against his chest. He was shirtless and warm and smelled like lye soap. His breath ghosted against her ear and made the hair at the back of her neck stand on end when he whispered to her, “Stay with me.”

She turned slowly to face him, his hands rising from her hips to the small of her back, her own rising to rest hesitantly on his bare chest. She stared at her hands, at the smooth skin dotted with freckles, at the soft outline of muscle underneath her splayed fingers. “Astrid.” Her eyes rose to meet his, green and wide and hopeful. Gods, he was beautiful. He’d clearly just come from a bath, his hair was still damp; it shone brown and copper in the bright sunlight. Hiccup had always been cute, in an awkward, dorky way, but now he was… _well_. She wondered when he’d changed; when the baby fat had melted off those lovely high cheekbones and that square jaw. When had the toothpick grown so tall and strong, even if it was in that lanky kind of way? It was like all that wonderful off-kilter beauty that had always been inside him had finally leaked through to the outside.

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and she nodded. “Yeah,” she breathed, "I’ll stay with you.” His eyes lit up, his lips stretched wide over crooked teeth, and when he leaned down to kiss her she didn’t stop him.

Their lips slid together like they were made for it; a kiss that was both gentle and passionate, slow and sweet and still enough to set her heart pounding. His tongue nudged at her lips and they parted for him, her own tongue darting out to tangle with his. She sighed into his mouth; her hands creeping up his chest to his neck as his arms tightened around her waist and drew her closer. Her fingers traced the line of his neck up to his jaw, the skin smooth and freshly shaven, and he made a little noise in the back of his throat as she scratched at the skin below his ear.

“We have a lot to talk about,” she said when they broke for air, and Hiccup hummed his agreement against her cheek before turning his head and kissing her again. “Really—so much—to talk—about,” she murmured between kisses, her lips blindly seeking his each time they parted.

“So much,” Hiccup agreed.

Neither one of them made any effort to separate. If anything, they held to each other tighter. Astrid toyed with the hair at the back of Hiccup’s neck while one of his hands moved up her back and pulled her closer.

“How are you not cold?” Astrid asked when Hiccup’s kisses moved from her lips to her cheek, and then migrated down to her neck.

“I have you to keep me warm,” he said, voice low and husky and vibrating against the underside of her jaw. Her eyes fluttered closed and her breath left her in a soft whoosh through still-parted lips.

The backs of her legs hit the edge of the table and then Hiccup was kissing her again, harder this time, tongue lapping steadily at hers. She gasped into his mouth as he lifted her gently onto the table and stepped between her legs. He crushed her to him, arms strong and firm around her back, lips working hotly against hers. He stepped closer, his hips pressing against hers, and she could feel his growing arousal against the inside of her thigh.

She broke the kiss, hands on his chest holding him back, both of them panting. “I’m not one of your fisherman’s daughters,” she reminded him softly, and Hiccup nodded.

“I know,” he said, meeting her eyes, his breath still coming in uneven puffs. “I don’t expect you to be.” He took a step back, hands sliding down to her hips and then away, and Astrid pushed off the table onto shaking legs. She cleared her throat.

“So,” she said, businesslike, “We have a lot to talk about.”

“Yes we do.”

She took a deep breath. “Okay, so, if I’m gonna stay here I need more to do than gardening and sewing.”

Hiccup nodded. “I agree.” He swung his arms back and forth. “I want you to help me. With the dragons. With saving them, protecting them.”

Astrid nodded along. “Okay. So, if I’m gonna do that I need to know how to fly. And not just on Toothless, though I probably need to learn in case you ever can’t for some reason. But I want my own dragon.”

“That Deadly Nadder?”

Her mouth curved into a smile at the thought. “Yeah. If we can find her.”

Hiccup jostled her shoulder with his. “She’ll find you. She liked you, I can tell.”

“So…” Astrid clicked her tongue. “I help you save dragons? Is that all you do?”

Hiccup shrugged. “Well there’s other stuff to do. You can help me get things I need during raids. You can sneak into villages and get stuff we need and I can focus on keeping the dragons from doing too much damage. It’ll be easier for you anyway; you’ll blend in better. And I have to go hunting soon, I know you’d love that.”

Astrid perked up. “Hunting?”

“Yes. Violence, killing, all that good stuff? I mean mostly I just let Toothless do the hard work, you know, but I think you’d have more fun bringing down a wild boar than he would.”

Astrid nodded. “I can do hunting.” She smiled at him. “We could make this work.”

He returned her smile. “Yeah, I think we could.” His smile dimmed and his eyes dropped to the table, where his hand had crept closer to hers. His pinky finger brushed lazily against the side of her hand, and for such a small touch it seemed to vibrate into her bones. “And if you end up deciding you don’t like it then you can always leave,” he said, voice soft; the suggestion was a necessity but clearly not one he wanted to make. “If you get bored of me, you know. I know you’re used to slightly more human contact.”

Astrid frowned. “Speaking of human contact, there’s still something else we need to talk about.” Hiccup’s gaze didn’t leave their hands. Astrid took a deep breath. “We need to talk about last night.”

“Kay.”

“You were gonna sleep with Heather.”

For a moment Hiccup didn’t answer. “I didn’t really want to.” His voice was low, as if he didn’t really want her to hear it even though she had to. He shrugged. “I just wanted a distraction. You had my head so messed up, and you were turning me down and I just thought, you know, ‘Get over this girl’. I spent so long pining after you, and I finally thought I was over you, and here you were, back in my life and you kissed me, and turned me down, and I just thought, fine.” He shrugged. “She has her reasons, whatever they are. So now I need to move on. Do something dumb and meaningless and casual and get my mind off you.” His eyes rose and caught hers on the way up. “But the whole time all I could think about was you. About how I would rather be down there just talking to you than be up there fucking her.”

Astrid nodded, her eyes locked on his. “I’m sorry,” she said, “For everything. For messing with you.” She took his hand in hers, her fingers sliding through his.

Hiccup gave her a wide, closed mouth smile that seemed to radiate fondness. “You were confused. I get it. I’m sorry too.”

They smiled at each other for a moment more before Astrid’s attention fell back to their hands. “Besides, I believe you didn’t really want to sleep with her.”

“Oh?” She could practically hear the frown in Hiccup’s voice.

“Heather did say you were having trouble getting it up.”

Hiccup jerked his hand back and when she looked up at him, smirking, he had the most adorably indignant look on his face and his mouth was flapping like a fish out of water. “That’s—I—she—” He huffed. “You know what I’m not even gonna touch that with a ten foot pole.”

“Well of course not, you couldn’t even touch it with a five inch one.”

“Astrid!”

“Six inch?”

“ _Astrid!_ ”

“Four inch? Come on, I’m guesstimating. Six and a half? Seven?”

Hiccup choked on his own tongue.

“What, there’s gotta be something those girls keep coming back for.”

“I’m done with this conversation.”

“Eight inches? I’m trying to be complimentary here, but I’m starting to think it’s maybe more like three.”

“ASTRID.”

Xx

Astrid sighed, the cold air of the cave tunnels refreshing in her lungs after the steam of the bath in the hot springs deep beneath the mountain. It was part of the system she and Hiccup had worked out her first week there; he had until noon to bathe and after that he had to get out and let her have a turn.

The hot bath had been more than needed; she felt like she had cleansed away more than just dirt and sweat. It was as if the strife and tension of the last several days had been rinsed away with the soap bubbles, leaving her clean and free to take on whatever this new phase of her life brought. She wasn’t much for symbolism, never had been, but the metaphor seemed apt.

She found Hiccup in his room, digging furs and blankets out of a chest and pulling random cushions out of the pile that made up his bed.

“Yeah, okay, I get that you want a bed that’s just like mine because you’re used to it now,” he said when she entered, “But I don’t know that I have enough for two equally comfortable beds here. Just two slightly less cushy but still very comfortable beds. Is that alright with you?”

Astrid leaned against the wall, arms crossed over her chest. “You could just let me keep your bed.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “Or I could keep my bed and leave you to the handful of furs I’ve been sleeping on in the forge every night.” He sighed. “I finally get my bed back and here I’m having to split it up.”

Astrid gave him a sympathetic smile. “We’ll get more furs the next time we go hunting.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Hiccup bent over to pick up a cushion and Astrid bit her lip as the wonderful curve of his backside was lifted prominently into the air.

“What?” Hiccup asked as he stood up, frowning. Astrid blinked and cleared her throat.

“Hm?”

“You were staring at me.”

“No I wasn’t.”

“Yes you were, why?”

“Um…” Astrid shrugged, her eyes roaming around the room for something to take the blame for her momentary distraction. “I was just thinking, it’s Snoggletog Eve, isn’t it?”

Hiccup’s eyes shifted to the ceiling, his face screwed in thought. “Yeah, it is.” He went back to trying to sort through blankets.

“Well,” Astrid pressed, coming to sit on one of his fur piles, “We should do something, shouldn’t we? For the holiday?”

Hiccup straightened up. “Like what?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. What do you usually do for Snoggletog?”

Hiccup sat down beside her. “I don’t.”

“Oh.”

They sat in silence for a minute longer before Hiccup snapped his fingers and jumped to his feet. “I know what we can do, I’ll be right back.”

She didn’t have a chance to speak before he was dashing out of the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a small barrel perched on his shoulder, a jug and a couple of mugs in his other hand. Astrid stood to take the jug and cups from him while he sat the barrel down. Toothless immediately rose from his bed to sniff at the barrel.

“No, no, no, not after what happened last time,” Hiccup told him, shooing the dragon away as he used his knife to pry the lid off. “I’ve been saving this for a special occasion,” he said to Astrid, shooting her a grin and a wink. The top came off and a rich, sweet smell wafted up to fill Astrid’s nose. The barrel was filled with a dark purple liquid whose fragrant scent was tinged with the acrid tang of alcohol.

“Wine?” Astrid’s eyebrows rose.

Hiccup nodded. “Salvaged it from a shipwreck a while back. Look at the writing on the side.” Astrid bent over to examine the letters painted onto the side of the barrel.

“I can’t read it. That’s, that’s not Norse. What is that?”

Hiccup shrugged. “A French dialect, I think. This is the good stuff, that’s why I’ve been saving it.” He took the cups from her hand and dipped them both into the wine. “For you, milady,” he said, offering her a cup.

“This is your Snoggletog plan? Drink?”

Hiccup grinned. “We’re Vikings. What’s a holiday without alcohol?” He took a drink.

Astrid watched him carefully. “You just called yourself a Viking.”

Hiccup paused, the cup halfway to his lips. “Oh, well, you know,” he said, his voice hitting that higher register he slid into when he wasn’t entirely telling the truth. “I’ll claim any nationality if there’s alcohol involved.”

Xx

“He missed it _completely_?!”

“Yes!”

“But, you stand _right there_ , how did he miss the tree completely?”

Astrid wiped tears from her eyes. “He wasn’t even looking at it!” She struggled to catch her breath enough to continue. “He was looking at Ruffnut, and showing off, you know, all like,” she imitated the smug expression Snotlout had worn, pointing an unsteady finger at Hiccup, “Hey, princess, watch this!” She gave Hiccup an exaggerated wink. “And then he rears back like this—”

“Still looking at Ruffnut.”

“Still looking at Ruffnut! And then he goes to jam the sword into the tree,” she mimed the motion, “And whoom! Misses it completely and topples over face first into the dirt!” Astrid collapsed into her own lap, giggling uncontrollably, while beside her Hiccup was clutching at his stomach.

“Oh my gods!” He gasped. “I can’t believe I missed that!” He grinned at her. “Please tell me jokes were made at Snot’s expense.”

“Oh, so many jokes!” Astrid wheezed, the image of Snotlout’s dumbfounded face as he picked himself up and smile sheepishly at his unimpressed bride forever immortalized in her mind. “That’s _all_ Tuffnut and I did all night. We just like, followed Snot around and made disparaging comments about his lack of virility.” She grinned into her mug and took another drink of the rich wine. “Between you and me, I think it was his way of coping. It was easier to think about Snot banging his sister if he could believe he was really bad at it.”

Hiccup laughed again, settling back against the furs of his bed and staring into the fire. “Oh gods. But hey, I guess Snot _must_ have been pretty bad at it, if Ruff ran off with someone else.”

Astrid hummed her agreement into her wine. “Oh, he was terrible at first. Ruff and I have had whole conversations about this.” She shivered. “I know _way_ more about their sex life than I ever needed to. He hadn’t been with anyone before they got married, and of course Ruffnut has been with like, _everyone_ , and she said their wedding night was super disappointing, but after that it was really easy to train him because he had no prior experience.” Astrid shrugged. “So aside from the infidelity and possible bastard love child now they’re really happy.”

Hiccup hummed and poured himself more wine, so Astrid finished off her own cup and held it out for more. Hiccup raised an eyebrow at her. “Shouldn’t you slow down?”

Astrid snorted. “Please. I’m fine.”

“You’re drunk.”

She shrugged. “Yeah. I’m fine. If you’re not getting drunk then what’s the point? And besides, _you’re_ drunk.”

Hiccup mirrored her shrug, albeit more animatedly. “Yeah, but not as drunk as you.”

Astrid downed more wine. “We’re drinking alone on Snoggletog Eve. If one or both of us doesn’t get so drunk we pass out, then what even is the point?”

Hiccup held up his mug. “I will drink to that.”

“As will I. To pathetically lonely holidays spent with alcohol.”

They clinked their mugs together and drank.

“It’s not that bad though, as far as holidays go,” Hiccup said quietly a moment later. He peeked at her over the rim of his mug. “And not that lonely with you here.” Astrid pretended not to notice when his free hand crept around her back to land on her waist.

She sighed happily and when she turned her head to look at him it took the room a minute to catch up with her. Hiccup’s grip suddenly became firmer, and she giggled when he pulled her closer. “I’s not s’bad,” she admitted, snuggling close to his side and wrapping her arm around him. Her hand squeezed his firm bicep. “Wow,” she said, looking up Hiccup, who was watching her with amusement. “You have nice arms.”

He choked on a laugh, his eyebrows shooting up. “I do?”

“Mm hm,” Astrid nodded, the motion a little more exaggerated than usual. “Very nice arms. I mean not like, bulky, or brawny, or anything, but like…” she gave up on the word and instead took another drink. This wine had tasted so strong when she started drinking but now it tasted just wonderful. “I mean you’re all like skinny, but so _firm_.” She giggled without knowing why. “I mean you got _hot_ , you know?” Hiccup’s eyebrows continued upwards. “Like you always kinda had that adorable dork thing going on,” Astrid was momentarily distracted by the motion of her own hand waving around. “But now you’re like, I don’t know. Sexy.”

Hiccup’s next laugh was somewhere between nervous and surprised. “Sexy huh? I take it back. You should not stop drinking. Probably ever. You should just always be drunk. Drunk Astrid says nice things. Say more nice things, Drunk Astrid.”

Drunk Astrid saw no reason to deny this request. “Well, you’re finally tall, go figure. And I like your shoulders. And you have a great ass.” Somewhere in the back of her mind it occurred to Astrid that she shouldn’t have said that. Sober Astrid would not be happy with her in the morning.

“I-I do?” She started giggling again. She couldn’t help it; Hiccup’s chuffed expression was lessening as a bright red blush crept down from his ears and over his cheeks.

“Yeah, you do.” She couldn’t stop giggling. That was probably a sign she should stop drinking, but the look on Hiccup’s face was the best thing she had seen in a long, long time. “You’re cute when you blush. I should make you blush more often.” She laughed suddenly and grinned something wicked. “If I kissed you would it make you blush?”

Hiccup overcame his embarrassment long enough to smirk. “Naw, probably not.”

Astrid made a disappointed noise something like a sigh. “Really? Are you sure?” She scooted closer, pressing her body close to his side and resting her head on his shoulder to pout up at him. “You don’t even want to test it out? Not even for science?”

She watched with glee as Hiccup’s eyes took on that hungry light she was growing familiar with. He put down his mug and reached around her back to haul her into his lap, sending her blurry world spinning pleasantly. She laughed and focused on his eyes until the world settled again. She did need to be drunk more often. She was saying all these things to Hiccup and she didn’t even care, and now she was sitting on his lap and _really_ didn’t even care, because suddenly she couldn’t think of even one good reason why she shouldn’t be. Hiccup was warm, and the wine was making her relaxed and cozy and happy, and she’d be just fine staying here, like this, in his arms for the rest of the night. After kissing him, of course, which she was going to do even if she had to bury her hands in that mess of auburn hair and drag him to her.

“Well, if it’s for science,” Hiccup said, and she realized that his face was a lot closer than it had been a minute ago. And she’d put down her wine at some point; funny, she didn’t remember doing that.

It didn’t matter now, though, because he was kissing her, and she could taste the rich dark wine on his lips and on his tongue and gods, he was more intoxicating than anything she’d had to drink.

Astrid sighed when they broke apart and settled more comfortably in Hiccup’s lap, her head resting on his shoulder again.

“I think this might be the best Snoggletog I’ve ever had.”

She looked up at Hiccup’s quiet declaration. “Really?” she asked, frowning. “Your best Snoggletog consists of drinking with me and Toothless with no presents or anything?” She cast a glance over to Toothless’s bed, where the dragon had conked out after they’d failed to keep him out of the wine barrel.

Hiccup wouldn’t meet her eye, and her frown grew. “You can’t have had many good Snoggletogs, then.”

He shrugged and held her closer. “I haven’t.” He did that adorably _Hiccup_ thing where he focused on the ground, like he wasn’t worthy of looking up. “I mean, I guess I had some good ones when I was little, you know, and Dad still had hope that I was gonna grow up to be like him.” She leaned into his field of vision and Hiccup’s eyes shifted away from her. “I’d get presents I actually wanted, and he’d play with me, and it was…good. And then I got older and I didn’t get any bigger and I just got weirder and clumsier and into more trouble.” He sighed. “And suddenly my Snoggletog gifts were things like axes I couldn’t lift, or books about the noble Viking history of beating the hel out of everything that moves. I’d pretend not to be disappointed in my gifts and he’d pretend not to be disappointed in me, and then we’d go back to the signature Haddock family silence until it was time to go to the feast. So yeah.” He reached for his cup of wine and drained it. “Drinking with you is an improvement.”

“Mm.” Astrid settled against his chest. “My family always had a great time on Snoggletog.” She tried to take another drink from her cup before remembering that she’d set it down. Her hand fluttered about uselessly for a moment before Hiccup pushed the cup into her hand. “Thanks.” She took a drink. “We’d all gather around the fire, Dad would sing, Mama would knit, and I’d play with my gifts. Mom and I would always bake something. And then when I got older I’d help my mom cook whatever she was bringing to the feast.” Her eyes closed, and she felt Hiccup pull her cup out of her loose grasp. She could picture her family gathered around the hearth; laughing and smiling and telling stories. Her throat felt full and tight and her voice shook when next she spoke. “And then when Brenna came along I’d play with her, help her open her presents, you know. It was fun. Nothing extravagant, but fun.”

Hiccup’s breath was warm on the top of her head. “If you were trying to make me feel better it didn’t really help,” he said, his joking tone not quite sincere.

Astrid wound her arms around him a little tighter. “I never doubted that they loved me. And yet here I am.” All those happy holidays together, and she was spending this one here. All that love she’d grown up feeling, and none of it mattered when Stoick dropped the money on the table. “They didn’t save me. They didn’t even try.” With the way the room was already spinning it took her a minute to even realize that she was crying. “They sold me. They gave me up without a fight. Why?” Her voice broke and she buried her face against Hiccup’s chest. “Why didn’t they try to save me? _Why?_ ”

She’d thought she was done crying over this. She’d thought she’d mourned her parents’ betrayal enough during those terrible four days locked up and alone, but now, with the reminder of the happy times they’d spent together over her head all she could think about was how all those years of happiness had not been enough to save her life. She had never been one to cry in front of others, either, but Hiccup had a way of pulling her walls down whether she wanted him to or not. Somewhere between the alcohol and the kind warmth of his presence she’d stopped caring about being strong and finally allowed herself to feel the heartbreak she’d shuttered behind anger for so long. Her parents had not loved her enough to save her. Nothing else mattered.

She cried in earnest; her tears soaking the front of Hiccup’s shirt while he stroked her back and hair and rocked her gently.

“I wish I knew what to say to make this better,” he whispered, and kissed her ear. “But I don’t. All I can do is promise you that I won’t ever do that to you. I won’t turn my back on you, not ever.”

Astrid whimpered against his shirt. “You won’t remember saying that tomorrow.” She hiccupped. “You’re too drunk.”

He chuckled softly. “I’m not that drunk. _You_ may not remember I said that in the morning, but I will.”

Astrid wiped her eyes on her sleeve as she caught her breath. The world was spinning faster than ever, the edges all fuzzy and dark, but in the center Hiccup was clear and solid and smiling at her.

“It tore me up when you died,” she murmured, gaze locked on the anchor of his eyes. She watched surprise steal over his face. “It wasn’t just guilt, I swear it wasn’t. I…I liked you.” Details were difficult to see but she could make out his mouth falling open. “I know you think I didn’t notice you but I did.” She nodded, her hands fisting in the fabric of his tunic. “You were weird and funny and you--you were capable of so much and I liked you. I didn’t realize it until you were gone but I liked you.”

One of Hiccup’s eyebrows was climbing higher up his forehead, like a vertically-moving brown caterpillar. She’d have found it funny if she weren’t still so distressed. “Like, liked-me, liked-me?”

She nodded, the motion sending the world swinging dangerously and she reached for Hiccup’s shoulders to support herself. “I’m glad you’re alive,” she said, pulling herself close until her chest was pressed flush against his. She sniffled. “I’m glad I’m here with you. Gods, I’m so glad I’m here with you.”

She didn’t kiss him so much as careen forwards and catch herself on his mouth. It was a fervent, sloppy kiss; driven by need and hunger and unbound emotion. It was all teeth and tongue and groping, gripping hands hot on shoulders and waists and hips and tangled in hair. Astrid ground down against his lap and nearly moaned herself at the delicious noise Hiccup made. Her hands tangled in his hair and she pulled him after her as she half-climbed, half-fell into the bed of furs behind them.

Astrid hummed into Hiccup’s mouth as he settled on top of her, hips cradled between her legs. His hands were everywhere: roaming over her back, combing through the hair at the base of her braid, sliding down her sides. She shivered as he thumbed down her ribcage, her back arching and her hips pressing into his. She teased her foot up the side of his calf and the next thing she knew the hand against her ribs was sliding down over her hip and along her thigh to hook her leg around his waist. She moaned into his mouth and held him tighter as they started a slow grind against each other.

Her whole world was a dizzying swirl of color and sound and sensation. She was sure she was spinning, even pressed into bed with the weight of Hiccup’s body on top of her. She needed to get drunk more often, this was _wonderful._ Or maybe she just needed Hiccup on top of her more often, that was possible too.

Both, actually. Drunk and underneath Hiccup. _That’s_ what she should do more often. Most often. _All_ the often.

She swung her other leg around Hiccup’s waist and squeezed him tighter, shifting until that hot bulge was rubbing just so against the seam of her leggings and _oh gods yes_.

“ _Hiccup_ ,” she mumbled against his lips, and he broke from her mouth to trail hot kisses along her neck. Her hands fisted in his shirt as she tried to drag him closer, tried to get him to increase the pressure. As much as the wine she was drunk on his touch, on the little shocks of pleasure that shot through her whole body and left her gasping. Hiccup groaned into her neck and started grinding harder, and Astrid whimpered as those little shocks started building. She rutted into him helplessly, chasing each little burst of color towards the edge; each one seeming to momentarily both relieve and magnify the ache between her legs.

Those pulses were growing stronger, that ache went deeper, and then Hiccup bit down on her collarbone and squeezed her breast with his hand just as he bucked particularly hard against her and stars burst across her vision.

She mouthed his name soundlessly, speech beyond her capability as she let the tide wash over her, ebbing and flowing until it receded completely and left her panting in Hiccup’s arms. The world was spinning faster than ever when she opened her eyes to see him staring down at her, a look of wonder on his face.

She had to have him.

Her legs dropped from around his waist and Astrid pushed herself up to grab at his neck and haul him into a kiss. “I want you,” she said, words muffled against his lips. She grasped the bottom of his shirt and started to pull it up and off his body but he stopped her and pulled back from the kiss.

“Astrid, wait, we should—ungh.” Her hand closed over that bulge in his pants and his words were ripped from his mouth. Astrid giggled and tried to kiss him again but Hiccup grabbed her wrist and pushed her away. “Astrid, no.” His hands landed on her shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “Not like this.”

She pouted at him, squinting to see his face through blurry eyes. “Not like how?”

He sighed. “You don’t want this.”

She snorted. “Yeah, I do…” She tried to kiss him but he held firm.

“No, you don’t. If we do this now you’ll wake up tomorrow regretting it.”

Astrid groaned and rolled her eyes, which might have been a bad idea because the room didn’t stop rolling when her eyes did. “No I won’t. Hiccuuuup, I want this,” she whined.

“You’re drunk.”

“ _You’re_ drunk too.”

“Yeah but I’m not Astrid-drunk.”

“Astrid-drunk.” She giggled. “That’s funny. You’re funny. Kiss me, funny boy.”

“Astrid.” She opened her eyes. “I’m not having sex with you while you’re drunk.”

“I’m not _that_ drunk, Hiccup.”

“Oh really?” One of his hands left her shoulder. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Um…” She squinted. “Well if you’d keep your hand still it’d be a lot easier to tell.”

He sighed again. “That’s what I thought.”

Astrid tried to glare at him, but it was hard with the way everything refused to stay steady. The pleasant spinning of the room had turned into a violent, dizzying whirl.

Hiccup was frowning at her. “Astrid?” She blinked at him, willing everything to stop moving long enough for her to get a good look at his face and tell him that she was _fine¸_ really. “Astrid?”

She swayed and suddenly Hiccup’s eyes were growing wide. “Oh,” he said. “Oh, okay.” He was on his feet, scrambling off the bed and tripping over an errant cushion. “Okay.” Everything tilted like she was on the deck of a ship during a storm and Hiccup dashed back to her and stuck a bucket in front of her just in time for her to bend over and vomit into it. “Yeah.”

Astrid whimpered, and then her stomach gave another lurch and Hiccup was there, by her side, holding her hair out of the way. “That’s it,” he said, arm around her back holding her vertical. “Get it all out, you’ll feel better. I’ll get you some water.”  

The next while—minutes, hours, she couldn’t say—was spent like that; Hiccup sitting behind her and holding her up while she emptied her stomach. The room was still spinning horribly, but Hiccup was a steady comforting presence at her back, and even as terrible as she felt she liked the feeling of him holding her.

She wasn’t aware of falling asleep—or blacking out, whichever it was—only of waking up an indeterminable about of time later to stare blearily at the dim cave. Astrid blinked at the low burning fire. Not morning yet. She yawned and rolled over, the arms around her waist loosening to accommodate her change of position. She curled into Hiccup’s chest; her legs tangled with his and his arms pulled her close.

She woke intermittently throughout the night; one of them would shift and the other would follow. Hiccup rolled onto his back, she’d snuggle into his side and use his chest as a pillow. She turned onto her side, Hiccup’s arms would wind around her waist and fit her body against his. It was the most comfortable night’s sleep she’d ever had, she thought sleepily. With Hiccup’s breath on her ear, or his pulse a steady beat against her cheek, or that leathery wood smoke smell coming from his skin when she buried her face against his neck, she felt warm and wanted and safe.

“How are you feeling?” he asked at one point, when she’d awoken long enough to desperately down some water. She made a pitiful little moan in reply, and he chuckled and pulled her back into bed with him. “That’s what I thought.” His voice was thick with sleep and she knew they’d both be out in a matter of minutes.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” she mumbled, yawning.

“No problem.” Astrid’s gaze settled on the hand Hiccup had resting on her ribcage. If he moved that hand just a little higher he’d be cupping her breast. Just before falling asleep again she decided that she wouldn’t mind if he did.

Xx

Morning came in earnest, bringing with it an impatient Night Fury and the worst headache Astrid had ever had.

She groaned and swiped at the large black head that kept nudging at her.

“Toothless, go away. We’ll go flying later,” Hiccup said from somewhere inside her hair. It had come loose at some point during the night, and when she rolled over to look at him he was pulling strands out of his mouth. He gave her a tired smile. “Good morning.”

Astrid couldn’t help the smile that crept over her face. “I don’t know about good. I feel like someone’s driving a Nadder spike through my skull. Toothless, _no_! I am _not_ in the mood for good morning dragon kisses.”

Toothless bayed in disappointment, stuck his tongue out at both of them, and then scampered off in search of breakfast. Astrid sat up and ran a hand through messy hair. After draining the cup of water Hiccup had left for her at some point during the night she noticed that he was watching her.

“What?”

“How much of last night do you remember?” he asked, frowning.

Astrid cringed. “Unfortunately, I think all of it. Including parts I’m really hoping I dreamed.”

“In case you’re wondering, yes, you did tell me I have a great ass.”

“Oh gods.” Astrid hid her face in her hands. “I actually said that, didn’t I?” She peaked through her fingers to see Hiccup grinning at her.

“Yeah, you really did.”

They both laughed, and when they’d stopped she looked at him seriously. “Thank you, for um,” she ran a distracted hand through her bangs, “For you know, stopping me. Last night.” She forced herself to look at him. “I would have regretted it. Not to say that I would have regretted _you_ , exactly, but I would have regretted how…it…happened.” She frowned at her own inability to put words together. She shrugged. “You know what I mean.”

Hiccup nodded and sat up. “Yeah, well, you were drunk. And really, uh…” He winced and scratched at his neck. “Really I should’ve put a stop to things sooner. You were really out of it, and I mean I knew you were drunk, so was I, but I didn’t realize how far gone you were until you started throwing up.”

Astrid shook her head. “No, it’s fine, really.” She swept her bangs behind her ear and leaned in to kiss him briefly. She regarded him shyly through her eyelashes. “I don’t regret anything that happened.” She watched the corner of his mouth lift, just the beginning of a smile, but his eyes seemed to speak volumes. “And hey,” she chirped, shrugging, “I think we’ve sorted out the bed situation.” That corner of his mouth rose a little higher, and then Hiccup was reaching out and cradling her head in his hands.

“Yeah, I guess we have,” he said, though she didn’t hear the words, far too focused on the air they puffed across her lips and the glint in Hiccup’s eyes. Her eyelids fluttered closed and the seconds until he brushed his lips across hers seemed to last hours.

He was smiling at her when he pulled away. “Happy Snoggletog.”

Astrid’s grin split her face. “Happy Snoggletog.”

Something over her shoulder caught Hiccup’s eye and he laughed and reached around her. “Hey look at this,” he said, picking up the bucket she’d been puking into the night before. Thankfully he’d cleaned it out at some point during the night. He laughed at something on the side of the bucket. “Drunk Hiccup left you a present.”

“Oh no.”

He spun the bucket around so she could see the side of it, where ‘ASTRID’S BARF BUCKET’ had been carved into the wood.

The look of glee on his face was just _asking_ to be punched.

“Happy Snoggletog.”

“Don’t make me puke on you.”

Xx

The house was too quiet.

Oh sure, the fire crackled pleasantly, and Brenna’s birdlike little voice would occasionally fill the silence with dialogue from whatever story she was acting out with her toys, but it all felt silent even so.

Ingrid wasn’t cooking this year. She sat in her rocking chair, dark eyes watching Brenna play with her toys, knitting needles unmoving in her limp grasp. There was an emptiness in those dark eyes that had settled there the day they’d made the agreement with Stoick and had not faded since.

And how much good that agreement had done.

Arvid looked down at the full cup of tea that had long gone cold in his grasp. There should be so much more noise in his house on this day. Normally he’d be singing carols, and Ingrid would be baking and laughing, and Brenna would be running around getting under everyone’s feet while Astrid sneaked her bits of cookie dough.

His eyes squeezed shut, as if he’d open them in a moment to see that sight before him again. As if he could will his eldest daughter back.

But of course he couldn’t.

Astrid was gone, and she wasn’t coming back. And gone for nothing, his sweet baby girl. He remembered the day she was born; she’d come into the world with little warning. Ingrid had felt the first hint of contractions, and after a short and painful labor there was that screaming little red thing, arms and legs kicking and flailing. Even then she had no patience; he’d joked to his wife that once she’d decided she was ready to come out she wasn’t fooling around with something like a long labor. That was always the way with Astrid; she knew what she wanted and she went for it, and Odin help whoever got in her way.

But all the gods help them when Astrid got in her _own_ way. She could tangle herself up worse than anyone else could.

He opened his eyes back to the reality where that stubborn little girl was gone.

_Daddy, please! Please, don’t let them do this to me, you can’t, you can’t! Daddy!_

Her screams that day had been louder than any he’d heard from her since she was Brenna’s age and throwing a temper tantrum. And then the last time he’d seen her, the last image he had of his brave little girl was looking back at them all from on top of that terrible great dragon, fear shining out of those big blue eyes he had given her.

Oh, his dear little baby. His little girl, who he’d held close to his chest on the day she was born and promised her he’d protect her, who had screamed herself hoarse from behind their locked cellar door; who had torn her arm away from him when she’d walked to her death.

He dare not ask the gods’ forgiveness for what he’d done.

The silence was shattered by a shrill screech and he and Ingrid jumped to their feet as something small and green streaked through a window and zoomed around the room.

“Dragon!” Ingrid screamed, her knitting needles clattering to the floor. She grabbed the broom in the corner and Arvid grabbed his axe. The Terrible Terror swooped down towards them and Ingrid took a swipe at it with her broom, she missed, and the Terror squawked and fluttered up towards the rafters.

“Get down from there, you nasty wee thing!” Arvid shouted.

“It’s a little baby dragon!” Brenna declared, giggling, and Ingrid hurried to scoop her off the floor and away from the center of the room.

“No, no, dear, that’s not a baby. He’s little but he’s dangerous!” Ingrid said, struggling with the squirming little girl in her arms.

The dragon looked down at them out of its round yellow eyes before something square and brown fell from the rafter and the dragon took off out the window.

Arvid blinked at his wife for a moment. There was a package sitting on the floor. A package that the Terror had been carrying. Arvid looked from the small paper-wrapped package to his wife, who shrugged.

“Well go on, then,” she said. “Go see what it is.”

Arvid approached the package carefully. It was lumpy and square and tied with a bit of leather string which he untied gingerly. The package wasn’t moving, didn’t smell, didn’t seem dangerous. He unwrapped it and stared in amazement at the contents.

It was a dress. A tiny dress, sewn from a shimmery blue fabric with an elaborate pattern woven from threads of pink and orange and purple. Along the edge of the skirt, in neat stitches, was a name.

Brenna gasped. “Look, Mama!” she said, pointing at the little dress, “It’s the perfect size for my dolly!”

Xx


	13. It Was Your Heart on the Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry sorry this is late! Real life happened. I'm on medication but I'm still sick a lot, and so by the time I get home from work I don't have a lot of energy or brainpower left for writing, and it's just in my nature that I would rather be a day late with something I'm proud of then be on time with something of subpar quality. And this was too important of a chapter not to get absolutely right. It's a big one for character development, as well as important for the growing Hiccstrid relationship. There are deep-seated issues that have to be dealt with. Try not to hate me for this one. I did say things would get dark, and unfortunately they have to get worse before they can get better.
> 
> Title from "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons, because that's like, Hiccup's anthem in this story.
> 
> Sneak peek this week will likely be late because of Thanksgiving, jsyk

Arvid stared at the paper held in his shaking hands.

“When did you receive this?” he asked, voice low and trembling with the effort of staying calm.

Stoick cleared his throat. “It arrived about a week after he took her.”

Arvid’s eyes snapped to his chief. “A week after?” he said, his voice rising in volume. “You received this a _week_ after Astrid was taken?” He got to his feet, the wrinkled parchment crushed in his fist. “You’ve known for over a _month_ that my daughter was still alive?” Stoick looked down at him impassively and Arvid didn’t care that he was shouting at his chief now. “For a month, over a month, nearly two months now, you’ve known that my daughter, my baby girl, was still alive and you said _nothing_ to either me, or my wife about it?!”

Stoick’s eyes dropped to the floor. “I thought it would only upset you.”

“Upset me?” Arvid growled. “You think it would _upset_ me to know that my daughter was still alive?!”

Stoick met his eyes again, frowning. “Arvid, if that monster is keeping Astrid alive then you know exactly _what_ he is keeping her alive for.”

“I know,” Arvid said, his voice cracking. “I know what it is that’s happening to my daughter. I’ve known that was likely since the beginning. I told myself it was the price we had to pay for peace. I thought that maybe it was a worthy cost, to give up one daughter in order to raise another one in a safer world.” He took a deep breath and his fists tightened. “But that demon took my daughter and we’re still seeing dragons in our skies. You’ve known for over a month that Astrid lives and you’ve done nothing to try to get her back. If that man isn’t going to leave us alone then I want my daughter back.” He stepped closer until they were nearly nose to nose. “And you’re going to get her back.”

Stoick raised a bushy eyebrow. “How exactly do you suggest I do that?”

“Ask him.”

There was a sharp bark of disbelieving laughter. “Ask him? What, demand he return her? You think that would work?”

Arvid shrugged, still glaring at his chief. Respect be damned, this was his child’s life they were talking about. “I don’t know if it would work. I don’t claim to know the mind of a man who controls dragons. Probably it wouldn’t but maybe it would. He refused her at first, remember? It wasn’t until that bastard Spitelout threatened to kill her that he stepped in. Maybe if we showed him that we wanted her back he’d bring her back, I don’t know. But we have to do _something_.” His lip curled as he stared with disgust at his chief. “ _You_ have to do something. As soon as the ice melts, we hunt down the nest.”

Stoick sighed. “How many times have we sailed for the nest and never gotten close, Arvid?”

Arvid’s eyes narrowed. “How many times did Gobber ask you the same question after Hiccup died?”

The transformation the chief’s face underwent in that moment was astounding. The tired, resigned frown of a chief who knew he couldn’t help one of his people contorted into a fierce scowl.

His voice was a low rumble when he next spoke. “My son has nothing to do with this.”

“Hah!” Arvid shook his head. “Your son has everything to do with this, Stoick! You think I don’t know why you chose my daughter? You were never the same after your son died, Stoick, everyone knows that.” He tossed his hands uselessly. “And no one could blame you much for that. You held it together after what happened to Valka because you had that baby, but we all know how much it hurt you when that poor boy died.” Arvid paused to take a deep breath, his throat getting tighter. “But your son died a hero, Stoick. He died saving my daughter.” Stoick’s eyes shifted to the side, and Arvid knew he had him. “While you were mourning your son my little girl was tearing herself to pieces with the guilt of it all, and it wasn’t helping that you made it clear you blamed her.” He shoved a finger in Stoick’s face. “Hiccup died a hero, and how did you honor his sacrifice?”

“I’m warning you, Arvid,” Stoick said, his voice dangerously calm. “Leave my son out of this.”

“Look at me, Stoick!” Arvid shouted, and his chief obliged. “Your son _died_ to save my daughter’s life! And you repaid his heroism by offering up the girl he died for to a monster.” He could feel the hot tears blurring his vision and running down his cheeks into his beard. “The whole village knew you were ashamed of your son, Stoick.  But if he saw what you’ve done to my Astrid, to the girl he died for,” he said, his voice broken and shaking, “Then I think _he_ ’d be the one ashamed of _you_.”

Stoick lips twisted. “And are you winning any father of the year awards, Hofferson?” he said, voice rising in volume. “When we came for Astrid it didn’t take you long to agree.”

Arvid’s mouth fell open. “How dare you? I thought I was doing the best thing for my village.”

“And I’m sure the money had nothing to do with it?”

“The money?!” Arvid yelled. “The _money_?! How dare you, Stoick, how fucking dare you!” His hands balled so tight his short nails cut into his palms.

“How dare _I?_ ” Stoick thundered, stepping forwards and crowding into Arvid’s personal space. “My son died because I failed to protect him. Because _your daughter_ failed to protect him. My failings as a father were many, I’ll not deny that, but I never _sold_ my child.”

He didn’t care that it was foolish. He didn’t care that it could be considered treason or cost him his freedom or even his life. Arvid didn’t care about much of anything. His fist swung forward and hit the side of his chief’s face, knocking his head to the side. The force knocked Stoick less than half a step back, and when he looked at Arvid again his eyes were alight with anger.

“Hofferson, I’m _warning_ you--”

“And _I’m_ warning _you!_ ” Arvid jabbed a finger in Stoick’s face. “Don’t you dare judge me for this,” he hissed. “You’re the one who came to me. You’re the one who made the offer, who told me this would work. You made me feel like I couldn’t say no, like I was condemning the village to turn this down. You’re my chief, and I believed in you, in what you said would happen. I believed this would bring peace.” He shook his head, hot tears burning his eyes. “ _You_ of all people don’t get to condemn _me_ for this. And as for the money?” He dug into a pocket of his vest and pulled out a bag which he tossed to the floor at Stoick’s feet. It burst open and metal coins clinked and clattered across the ground. “You can have the livestock back too,” Arvid said. “I don’t want anything bought with my daughter’s maidenhead.”

Stoick said nothing. He just glared at Arvid, fists clenched at his side, every bit as cold and stoic as his name implied. Arvid turned on his heel and stomped towards the door, his heavy footsteps echoing in the empty Meade Hall. He stopped with his hand on the door handle and sighed. “You know, Stoick,” he said, voice more disappointed than angry, “You used to be my friend. My chief, the man I’d gladly follow anywhere, even to the gates of Valhalla. But you haven’t been that man in a long time.” He glanced over his shoulder. “I think maybe when your boy died you died with him.”

Stoick stood in the empty hall for a long time after Arvid left. He stared at his feet, at the coins spilled over his boots. He looked to the walls, where hung the portraits of chiefs and their heirs all the way back to the founding of Berk, generations upon generations of Haddock fathers and sons, ending with the painting of himself and his own father. They’d never gotten around to doing one of him and Hiccup. He’d meant to; he’d planned on doing it after Hiccup’s fight with the Monstrous Nightmare. His boy was finally a hero, finally becoming the man Stoick had hoped he’d be. Stoick would be able to look on the portrait with pride.

He wished now he’d done it sooner.

He wondered how many years it would take for the image of his son’s face to fade and blur in his memory. Years gone by and he had precious few clear images left of Valka, he couldn’t imagine the same thing happening with his son. Hiccup’s face rose easily in his mind’s eye now: that crooked smile set in a face covered with freckles, those big green eyes, wide and clear like Valka’s. His nose, Val’s cheekbones. Haddock red hair. Small and scrawny with a smile as big as the sky.

Stoick sank into the chair behind him.

Arvid was probably right. His only son was gone and—no, it was more than that. Ever since Valka had died and even more since he’d lost Hiccup village elders and councilmen had tried to encourage him to remarry. You’re not an old man yet, they’d said. There will be other sons, other heirs.

But only one Hiccup. Stubborn and headstrong and sarcastic and disastrous and absolutely _wonderful_.

Hiccup had died, and Stoick had died with him.

Xx

Astrid peered through the cracked door, watching as a couple of warriors sprinted past, mace and warhammer held high. As soon as they were gone she slipped out the door and around the side of the Great Hall’s kitchens, slinking into the darkness at the back of the building. Most of the action was happening on the other side of the village; the farms were on the opposite side of the island, and therefore so was most of the fighting.

Also far across the island, unfortunately, were the woods where she needed to be to meet Hiccup after the raid was over. Getting from the woods where Hiccup had dropped her off to the Great Hall and its kitchen’s larder had been easy enough. There were houses lined up almost flush to the base of the cliffs of Greed’s Rock Island, and the dark alley behind them had provided her with plenty of cover.

Now, however, a few of those houses were on fire, and she was weighed down by the food and goods stuffed into the pockets of her cape. Astrid pulled the hood over her head and held the cape carefully closed as she took off through the village, staying close enough to the action that passersby would be too busy to give her much notice, but far enough away to keep out of the line of fire.

She’d gotten everything they needed, at least. It had been an easy steal; animal products, mostly. Hiccup had neither the space nor patience for livestock; looking after a dragon was work enough. Milk, eggs, cheese, a few cuts of meat small enough to stuff in her pockets; as well as grains and vegetables they didn’t have room to grow on the island, as well as some sweet pastries, just because.

Astrid turned around a building and skidded to a halt, turning to duck into the alleyway between two houses. The men had pulled out some sort of giant metal trap and had captured a Monstrous Nightmare which was roaring and thrashing against the steel bars that held it. One of the men raised an axe, its edge glinting in the firelight, poised and ready to silence the Nightmare’s roars once and for all.

There was only a second’s warning, the tell-tale high-pitched scream and the men’s shout of “Night Fury!” before the scene exploded in purple light. When the smoke cleared the Nightmare was spreading its wings and flapping away from the twisted remains of the trap, the men who had held him shouting and cursing at the shadow who had already disappeared into the skies.

“That’s four,” Astrid whispered to herself. Across the village there was another eruption of purple light. “Five.” She frowned. “Oh boys, you’re running through them too quickly; you’ve only got six.” She emerged on the other side of the alleyway and crept quickly between two rows of houses. She turned a corner and could see the treeline just ahead when she heard screams close by. She caught a whiff of something acrid and sharp and turned in time to see the Zippleback ignite the home it had just filled with its flammable gas. It was close enough that the force knocked her off her feet, jostling the jar of milk but thankfully breaking no more than maybe a couple of eggs.

The house was quickly being consumed with flame.

Astrid had just climbed to her feet again when a man ran past, nearly knocking her to the ground again. “No!” He yelled, disregarding the fire as he hacked at the flaming door with his axe.

“Gulbrand!”

“Gul, wait!”

Astrid flattened herself to the wall of the nearest building, hastily pulling up her hood as a group of men barreled past her to pull the man back from the flaming home.

“No!” he shouted, fighting the arms that held him back. “They’re still in there! Ragna and the children, they’re still in there!”

Astrid’s hand clapped to her mouth.

“Gulbrand it’s too late, we can’t get in there!”

She caught sight of the black shape just a second before it crashed into the roof.

“What was that?” One of the men asked, all five of them freezing. Purple light burst out of the side of the house, and after a moment four children, the oldest a girl of about twelve or thirteen, the youngest a baby no more than a year old and being carried by the older girl, came running out of the hole in the house towards the man who must have been their father.

“Daddy!”

“Dad!”

“Sweet Freya above!” The man collapsed to his knees and flung out his arms, two of the children, a girl and a boy, perhaps around five and eight respectively, threw themselves into his arms. “Ylva, Eirik!” The older girl reached him and he stood to hug her and the baby. “Selby, oh you dear girl, you got baby Gyda.” His smile faded. “Where’s your mother?”

The oldest girl shook her head. “I don’t know. We heard the dragon filling the house with gas, and Mama was right behind me on the stairs when everything exploded.”

They all looked towards the burning house. There was a terrible groaning noise of wood giving way, and then the whole building collapsed in on itself.

“RAGNA!”

No one noticed the shadowy figure that shot out of the roof just as it caved in.

“Mama!” The oldest girl shrieked. The baby started crying and Astrid watched, horrified and frozen to the spot as the children huddled together around their oldest sister. Their father had lunged towards the wreckage again and was now being held back by the other men.

“Ragna!” He shouted, and in the blazing light Astrid could see tears pouring down into his beard. “Ragna, no! My wife, oh my darling Ragna, no! No!”

“Selby?” Astrid watched the oldest girl look down at her little brother, who was staring up at her with tear-filled eyes. “Selby, Mama got out right? She has to have gotten out right? She got out before us? Didn’t she?”

Astrid couldn’t watch anymore. She turned on her heel and ran for the tree line.

Xx

Hiccup, as expected, said nothing the whole flight home, no matter how she tried to coax him to speak.

“You saved those kids,” she tried, her arms squeezing his torso, and she wished he’d take his helmet off so she could see his face and kiss his cheek. “And you tried to save their mother, that counts for something. Four children are alive because of you, focus on that. And that Nightmare, you saved it too.”

Hiccup didn’t reply. His hands tightened on the handles of Toothless’s saddle, and Astrid noticed the round green eyes that kept sending glances their way, a worried groan rumbling in the dragon’s throat.

When they arrived back at the mountain Hiccup starting ripping off his mask and armor and tossing it to the side, his face still and impassive. Astrid watched him for a moment before heading to the kitchen to put away the stolen food. When she returned Hiccup was sitting by the bed and staring at the fire with empty eyes, Toothless’s head in his lap. Astrid sighed. “Hiccup? You wanna talk about it?” He didn’t answer. She sat down beside him and started kissing and nibbling at his ear. “You wanna _not_ talk about it?” she whispered, but he leaned away.

“Not really,” he said tersely, and Astrid gave up, figuring he’d open up in time. She was too tired to do anything more than pull off her leggings and untie her braid before she collapsed into the furs. She propped herself up on her elbow and trailed a hand across Hiccup’s shoulders.

“Hey, babe, come to bed. You need some rest.”

“I will in a bit,” Hiccup said, his voice flat. He shot her a smile over his shoulder that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You go ahead, get some sleep. You too, bud.” He gave the dragon one more scratch behind the ears and then got to his feet. “I’ll be back. Just uh, just gonna get some water before bed.”

Astrid nodded and settled back into the cushions and before long she was fast asleep.

Xx

She was awoken by moist kisses and hot breath behind her ear. She groaned and tried to roll over, and heard a snigger behind her as she blinked her eyes open. The body keeping her from rolling over shifted, and she stared groggily up at Hiccup. He was shirtless and watching her with a strange glint in his eyes, and once she was feeling more lucid she noticed he was swaying slightly. Astrid yawned and sat up. 

"Hiccup?" She rubbed at her eyes. "Babe, what's up?" He didn't answer. His eyes flickered down over her, then back to her own. "Hiccup?"

His hand reached out and buried itself in the hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her to him. He pressed his lips to hers in a hard kiss and she knew immediately what was wrong. She could taste the alcohol on his lips, smell it on his breath. He reeked of it. She tried to pull away. "Hic--" he yanked her back to him, his tongue invading her mouth and she could taste whatever he'd been drinking. It was _strong_ , whatever if had been. Strong and bitter and she pulled away again, her hands rising to hold Hiccup at bay when he tried to follow her.

He whined, his eyes still closed and lips still halfheartedly puckered. "Aaaasstriiid."

She huffed. "You've been drinking."

He tried to push forward, but she leaned back. "Only a little bit."

"You're drunk."

His eyes opened to glare at her. "I'm tipsy. Ish. That's all. I've had a rough night. Come here." He pushed past her hands and grabbed her waist. “I wanna _not talk_ about it.” She barely had time to protest before he was crushing her to his chest and kissing her again. She made a noise of surprise and disagreement as he dragged her onto his lap, where she could feel a semi-enthusiastic erection he was probably too drunk to raise all the way. She struggled against him but his arms had turned into a vice around her waist. 

Finally she managed to tear her lips away from his. "Hiccup, stop, what the hel has gotten into you?!" 

Hiccup heaved a sigh and his head fell into her shoulder. "I need you," he murmured into her neck, placing a kiss against the tender skin there. In spite of her anger she shivered at the sensation. "I've had a bad night and I need you."

Astrid glared at the top of his head. "I told you, Hiccup, I'm not one of your fisherman's daughters."

He tittered into her neck. "I know," he said, then lifted his head to look at her out of half-lidded eyes. "I'm not asking for sex," he said, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk. "Just for whatever you're willing to give me." His smirk grew as he swayed towards her but Astrid scowled and shoved him away, disgusted. He fell into the pillows, groaning.

"Aaaastriiiid," he moaned and pouted up at her.

Astrid got to her feet and glared down at him. "I don't know what you think this is," she said, her voice shaking with anger, "But I am _not_ here to be your, your _plaything_." Her hands balled into fists. "If you really like me, that's one thing. And if you need someone to talk to when things go badly, then yes, I'm here for you. But I'm not gonna let you just _use_ me because you've had a bad night. And just because you're drunk and upset doesn't mean you can ignore me when I fucking tell you no."

Hiccup glowered up at her.

"Gods, you're so hot-and-cold, you know that?"

Astrid gaped at him. "I'm what?"

Hiccup pushed himself onto his elbows. "You want me, and then you don't," he said, words slurring together. "Sometimes I wonder if you really want me at all."

Astrid didn't know what to say that. She really didn't think the words existed. Her foot reared back and she kicked Hiccup hard in the stomach. Without her boots on it lacked the same punch, but her toes jabbing into his side still had Hiccup grunting and clutching at his side in pain. Astrid picked up a fur blanket and tucked a pillow under her arm.

"What are you doing?" Hiccup asked.

She raised an eyebrow at him.  "What does it look like I'm doing?" She snapped. "I'm not sleeping in here tonight, not when you're acting like this." She started to walk away, and in half a breath Hiccup was on his feet. She heard him rise but didn't have time to respond before he had grabbed her wrist and jerked her to a stop. She spun to face him, and the look on his face froze her. He was glaring at her, mouth twisted into a snarl, a cold, hard glint in his eyes she hadn't seen in such a long time she had almost convinced herself it didn't exist.  She tried to pull her wrist away but he tightened his grip.

 "Hiccup?" Her voice shook. "Hiccup, let go." He still said nothing, but his hand squeezed her wrist so tightly it hurt, and she whimpered and tried to pull it away again. "Hiccup!"

Something shifted. His expression softened, his eyes widening and he looked down at his hand as if he couldn't believe it belonged to him. His grip slackened and she pulled her hand away and cradled it against her chest.

He blinked at his hand while she stared at him, eyes hot and wet.

"Astrid," he started, voice hoarse, but she shook her head and backed away.

"Don't come near me," she said, unsteady words forced through clenched teeth. She turned on her heel and all but ran from the room, Toothless's questioning coos following her.

She held it together until she stumbled into the forge where a low fire was still burning. Her knees hit the cold stone floor and she choked on a sob.

How could she have been so stupid? So naive? Gods, she was an idiot. It was the same mistake she'd been making since the beginning, forgetting that the boy Hiccup had been and the man he was now were two different people. He'd lived a hard life and it had turned him into a hard man. She knew the boy from the forge was inside him somewhere, but he was buried too deep; that wasn't who he was anymore. 

This Hiccup was defined by his temper and his vices; the drinking and the fucking and whatever else he used to dull the pain. 

She was just one more thing he reached for when it all became too much. 

She wanted to hate him. She wanted to hate him for being so wonderful one minute and so cruel the next. She wanted to hate him for making her fall for him while she still wasn't sure what this relationship really meant to him. Did he really care about her like he had claimed to or was she just another distraction?

She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't, and that was the worst part of all. She hated herself for falling for him, for wanting him despite everything. Even with his temper and his drinking problem and that hard, cold look in his eyes and the bruise forming on her wrist she wanted him.

Her first day here he'd terrified her and plunged her into fear when he'd made her believe that he'd rape her. And somehow along the way all his kind smiles and little gestures had made her forget how scared she'd been. He'd shown her a new world, opened her eyes to new possibilities and a new way of living.

And tonight he'd hurt her.

Astrid wrapped the fur blanket around herself and curled up on the hard floor, still sniffling.  She still wanted him. The good and the bad, she still wanted him. He was wonderful. He was terrible. He was kind, he was cruel. And she still wanted all of him.

Xx

It was the shivering that woke her the next morning. The forge fire had burned out and the room had cooled to such a frigid temperature that even under the heavy fur blanket she was freezing.

Astrid managed to pull herself to her feet and reignite the flame. Her hands shook on the bellow as she coaxed the fledgling fire to life but soon she had a fire large enough to thaw her frozen fingers. It was early morning light, she guessed, judging by the light trickling through the distant holes in the ceiling.

Astrid felt empty, like she’d been hollowed out.  The bruise on her wrist had risen to a dull purple tinged with green, and while it was tender to too much pressure it didn’t hurt otherwise. She leaned back against one of the worktables with a long sigh, and heard a dull thud behind her. She turned to see that she’d knocked over a few things, one of which was a book that had fallen open on the floor.

She reached down to pick it up and paused. Looking up at her from one page was a stunning charcoal drawing of Toothless. She picked up the book and hesitated for a moment before flipping through it. She’d avoided reading Hiccup’s journals since they’d started becoming friends, but surely there was nothing too wrong with flipping through to see his drawings.

And given his behavior last night she wasn’t sure she cared about his privacy right now.

She flipped through and caught glimpses of sketches of Toothless, drawings of landscapes, and then, to her surprise, a drawing of herself. It was no mere rough sketch either; like the drawing of Toothless that had grabbed her attention it was elaborate and detailed, and more importantly _recent_.

She was drawn from the bust up, leaning over, given the way her hair was falling, an expression of soft curiosity on her face. Her hair was loose and flowing over her shoulder, and Hiccup had drawn every shine and gentle curl perfectly. She knew when this was from. This was from that night she’d found Hiccup in the kitchen after he’d had a nightmare he wouldn’t tell her about. 

A single word on the opposite page caught her eye, and she read the sentence it was in just to make sure she hadn’t misread it. Then she read the whole page, just to make sure this was really happening.

_She’s going to be the death of me. She just is. She’s driving me insane and I don’t know what to do about it. About her. I don’t know what I’m going to do with her, and I feel like an idiot because I should have thought about all this before I took her in the first place. At the time all I was thinking was that I had to save her, and now she knows too much and I can’t trust her not to spill everything if I take her back. I don’t know what to do, and in the meantime I worry that one of us is going to snap and kill the other one in their sleep. Well, I say that, but it is starting to get better between us._

_I thought I was over her, you know. I_ was _over her, for so many years. And yet here she is, back in my life, because I forgot for too long that the gods hate me. Of all the girls on Berk they pick Astrid. It’s as if they know it’s me and decided to go with the girl everyone knew I had a crush on. She’s no different than she was back then. She’s just older and hotter and maybe therein lies the problem. How can I_ not _want her still, when she looks like that? Maybe she’s a huldra and trying to seduce me with magic? Except I’ve seen her back, and it’s not hollow. She always had the best ass on Berk and now she’s just older and it got better._

_But it’s more than that. I don’t just want to fuck her. I mean I_ do _want to fuck her, how could I not, but I don’t_ just _want to fuck her. I won’t go so far to say that I’m falling for her, but there’s something there that’s more than lust and annoyance. I don’t know what it is yet, but it’s annoying._

_Not that it matters either way. I have as much of a chance with her now as I did four years ago. That kiss the first day she was here will be the closest I ever get._

_And really, that’s probably for the best, because I had the dream again. It was worse this time. Before I just kind of relived what actually happened, but last night was different. Last night I didn’t stop. She was screaming and thrashing beneath me and begging me to stop but I didn’t. I went through with it._

_I want to believe I wouldn’t have raped her, but sometimes I wonder if I ever would have._

Astrid reread that sentence five times before she willed herself to keep reading, hoping that he’d explain and she’d discover that he hadn’t meant it like that.

_It scares me. I don’t think I would have done it, and I keep telling myself that. I mean I didn’t do it, right? That has to count for something? But for half a second I wanted to. I’m ashamed and scared to say it but I wanted to. I wanted to take her._

She flipped to the next page and continued reading.

_I’m scared._

_She told me last night that she’s scared of me, and really, I guess she has every reason to be._ I’M _scared of me right now_. _I’m scared of who I’m becoming. I look at my life and who I am and I don’t like it. This isn’t what I wanted and this isn’t who I wanted to be. But what else is there? I can’t go home. I don’t_ want _to go home. Part of me wants to take off across the world again, but violence between Vikings and dragons is worse than ever, and now they’re offering up virgins to stem the bloodflow? Really? I use to think peace was possible. I use to think maybe one day I’d figure out a way to change everything. Maybe I’d go home and show them all that if I could live with a Night Fury, then we could befriend the dragons instead of fight them._

_Stupid, I know. Maybe Mom was right. Maybe Berk just isn’t capable of change. I don’t want to believe it yet, but maybe she really was right. Astrid has seen Toothless; she’s seen that he’s not dangerous, that he’s my best friend, and she still thinks dragons are dangerous. If I can’t change her mind then how am I ever going to change anyone’s?_

_In that moment I wanted to blame Astrid for all of it. I feel like everything is spiraling out my control and for a second there I just wanted to take it back. I never used to be a violent person. That was one of my problems; I couldn’t kill a dragon when it mattered most. I feel like I could be violent now, if it came to it. Not for good reasons, like defending myself or Toothless, either. I get angry so much easier than I used to. I don’t know who I am anymore. Whoever he is I just know I don’t like him._

_I need a drink._

_I need to_ stop _drinking, probably._

_Maybe I need to get laid. Although I don’t know how much of a good idea that is all things considered. I don’t know, I don’t want sex right now. Well, I do, but girls always want to talk afterwards, or cuddle, or something, and I don’t want any of that right now. I just want to get fucked and get out._

_Gods, when did this become my life? No wonder Astrid hates me. I kinda think maybe I hate me._

Astrid’s hands shook as she dropped the book on the worktable, her eyes too blurred to keep reading. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.

Xx

He was never drinking again.

Well, he was; he said that every time he woke up with a hangover like this but still he reached for a drink after bad raids anyway.

Hiccup groaned and pushed Toothless’s head away. His best friend wanted to go flying; hangover be damned. As long as they took it easy maybe he could avoid regurgitating his entire stomach. He sat up and moaned. He couldn’t go flying quite yet, could he? He had to make things right with Astrid first, provided she was even still here. He wouldn’t have put it past her to flag a passing Timberjack during the night and leave him.

Hiccup pulled on a shirt and gulped down some water while Toothless cackled beside him. When finally he faced his friend he saw Toothless watching him with an annoyed expression. Hiccup frowned. “What?” He received a sharp bark in reply, the kind usually reserved for reprimanding him for doing something stupid. He sighed. “Don’t tell me you’re mad at me for last night, too?” The growl he got in response seemed to indicate that yes, Toothless _was_ mad at him for last night. Great. Even his dragon was rebuking him for his bad behavior; if that wasn’t a sign he’d been the biggest jerk in the North Sea then he didn’t know what was.

He was jerked to his feet as Toothless’s teeth grasped the back of his shirt and yanked him up. “Hey, what are you—” Toothless nudged him in the back with his head, growling. “Okay, okay, I’m going!” The dragon seemed to know where Astrid was so Hiccup allowed himself to be herded out of the room and down the passageway until they reached the entryway to the forge, where Toothless roughly shoved him into the cave and took off down the tunnel.

Astrid had her back to him, leaning over something on one of his worktables, her hands braced on the wood. He sighed. “Okay, so I have some major apologizing and groveling for forgiveness to do, don’t I?”

Astrid whirled around to face him, and Hiccup froze. “Don’t you come near me,” she hissed, her voice shaking. Hiccup stared at her; at the tears streaming down her cheeks, at the twist of her mouth, at the fear and anger etched into the lines on her forehead. His eyes traced down her face to the hand she had stretched out towards him, to the book she held and the drawing on one of its pages.

Oh gods.

He knew which entry she had found.

He took a tentative step forward. “Astrid—”

“Don’t come near me!” she yelled, and Hiccup stopped. “What you did last night was bad enough but this?” She shook the journal. “This is, this is…” She wiped at her eyes with a fist.

“Astrid, hold on, just--”

“Start explaining!” she demanded through clenched teeth. “Because that, this, I can’t…” she took the book in her hands and began reading aloud. “ ‘I want to believe I wouldn’t have raped her, but sometimes I wonder if I ever would have.’ And then, ‘But for half a second I wanted to. I’m ashamed and scared to say it but I wanted to. I wanted to take her.’” She looked up at him, and he could see the fear in those wide blue eyes. “What am I supposed to make of that, Hiccup? You said you just wanted to scare me; that’s the story you’ve stuck to time and time again, but you…” Her bottom lip trembled. “You wanted to.” Her voice was smaller than he’d ever heard it. “You actually wanted to.”

Hiccup tested another step forward, shaking his head. “Astrid, no, that’s not what I—”

“I said, _don’t come near me!_ ” Astrid hurled the book at him and Hiccup ducked barely in time to avoid it colliding with his head.

He held out his hands defensively. “Okay, Astrid, you’re mad, I get it, okay? And you have every right to be, but _please_ , just, just let me explain.”

“How drunk were you that night?” she asked, and Hiccup blinked at her in confusion.

“Last night? Last night I was—”

“Not last night,” she interrupted, her voice biting. “That night before Snoggletog. How drunk were you? Because I was _gone_ , and looking back I’m starting to wonder.”

“Astrid, I was _hammered_! I wasn’t as bad as you, no, but I didn’t realize you were as drunk as you were, and it wasn’t like I was taking advantage! _I_ stopped _you_!”

Astrid wasn’t listening. She was slouching back against the table, her hands braced on the wood, tears flowing freely down her face.  “Gods, I’m such an idiot,” she moaned, choking back a sob. “I never should have trusted you. I’m so, so stupid…”

Hiccup was at a loss. He’d seen Astrid angry before, seen her upset. He’d even seen her cry, when she’d mourned her parents’ betrayal. But this…this was different. Maybe because she was sober? But no, it was more than that. This was Astrid heartbroken, and at his own hands. He’d never seen her so vulnerable. Astrid was always so tough, so abrasive. She’d talked about her village giving her up before, had cracked dark jokes about it, even. It had taken massive quantities of wine to get her to break down before. Yet here she was, walls down, emotions on her sleeve, devastation evident on her face.

She ran a hand through her hair and for the first time he noticed the bruising on her wrists, and his heart dropped into his stomach.

_I did this_ , he thought.

Of course she was vulnerable. She’d been betrayed by her family, by her village, and she had vested in him all the trust she had left to give and he had shattered it. He had _hurt_ her. Physically, even, which was something he hadn’t even considered himself capable of. The unbreakable Astrid Hofferson had given him the power to break her because she believed he wouldn’t. And here they were.

His throat grew tight. “Astrid?” he tried, his voice wavering. “Astrid please.” He wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms and hold her tight but he didn’t dare move closer. “I’m sorry, please I’m so sorry.” Hiccup struggled with where to start. “I’m sorry for last night. For the way I acted, for hurting you. I…I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing—”

Astrid scoffed. “Yeah, that’s the excuse my cousin’s husband used to give every time he beat her black and blue.” She glared at him. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

Hiccup floundered. He swallowed and tried again. “You’re right,” he said, nodding. “You’re right. There’s…there’s no excuse for the way I was last night.  I just… I don’t know. I don’t know.” His voice cracked. “I was angry. I was upset and stressed and I just wanted you to make it go away. I didn’t mean to hurt you; I never meant to hurt you. I never, ever, wanted to hurt you.”

Astrid’s expression turned livid and she grabbed a metal cup of pencils off his table and hurled it at him. He managed to shield his face as the cup and pencils hit his head and shoulder. “You never wanted to hurt me?!” she shrieked. “You wrote that you wanted to rape me!”

“No, I--” He felt like his throat was closing up. He didn’t know how to tell her, how to make her _see_. Gods, why did he ever write that down? Why did he ever put those thoughts into the world where she could find them? His eyes squeezed shut. “Yes, okay, yes!” His hands dove into his hair and he gripped the strands so hard it hurt. “For a moment, yes, I wanted to!” His eyes opened and he searched hers; rounded and stunned. His breath all seemed to leave him at once. “But I didn’t.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat that threatened to strangle him. “I didn’t because I wouldn’t. That second passed and I knew I wouldn’t. I just…” he tossed his arms in the air, shoulders bouncing in a useless gesture that seemed to sum up all the uncertainty and lack of control he felt about his whole life right then.  Unable to look at her he dropped his gaze to shadows playing around his feet from the fire. “I was angry. And when I wrote those words I was afraid.” He deflated.  “What I did to you that day, what I _almost_ did to you that day, those aren’t me, Astrid. And that’s what scared me.”

His eyes lifted from the stone floor to seek hers, and he saw she was staring at him, wary but curious.

“And what you did last night?” she asked, her voice small and quiet in the large cave. “Was that you?”

Hiccup was silent for a long moment. “If it was then I don’t want it to be.” Astrid blinked, and he watched one eyebrow rise just a fraction of an inch. He started to take a step forward but Astrid flinched and he stepped back. “Astrid I don’t like who I am right now.” He shrugged. “I haven’t liked who I am for a long time now.” That eyebrow continued to rise, curiosity creeping into the suspicion. “I’m scared, Astrid.” He bit his bottom lip and his eyes flickered to the ground. “But…but since you’ve been here, it’s been better. _I’_ ve been better. I’ve felt more like me.” He chanced a look at her. Her eyes had widened, some of the fire fading from her expression. “I think you’ve been good for me.”

She blinked at him for a moment before her eyebrows drew together again. “And what about last night? What the hel was that?”

He winced at her harsh tone. “That was…that was me being an idiot. You make things better, and last night was so rough, I just wanted you to make things better.”

Astrid sneered at him. “So, what? You reached for me instead of another flagon of mead?”

“No, I—” He wanted to protest, but ultimately he knew she was right. “Yes, okay, sort of, I did.”

He watched Astrid’s face crumple, and was soon dodging a box of nails. Astrid’s shoulders shook and she curled into herself, arms wrapped tight around her middle. “So that’s what I am to you?” she said, her voice trying and failing at anger and instead just coming out broken. “I’m just another distraction from everything that’s wrong? Another one of those times where you just wanna, how did you say it? ‘Get fucked and get out?’ I trusted you.” Those blue eyes bore into him, and he could see such pain, such hurt there. Astrid sniffled. “I was falling for you, and you, you just wanted another lay.”

Hiccup shook his head and took a few steps forward despite the way it made Astrid shrink into herself. “Astrid, _no_ ,” he begged, hand outstretched towards her as if she was a frightened wild dragon. “No, that’s not what you are to me.”

“Then what am I to you?” she demanded. “I know you want to fuck me and you want me to keep your secrets. Beyond that I don’t know if I really matter to you at all.” Hiccup was shaking his head frantically, wanting to go to her but too afraid to move any closer.

“Astrid…” he trailed off, running his hands through his hair. “You matter to me, okay? You _do_. I…” he sighed and his shoulders bobbed. “I don’t know what to say, alright? I won’t say that I’m in love with you, because I’m not yet.” He shrugged again, deflating. A hollow ache was settling in the pit of his stomach as he realized he may have damaged this beyond saving. Astrid refused to forgive her village or her family for _their_ betrayal. What were the chances she’d decided not to forgive him for his? “But I like you. I _care_ about you. And…” he chanced a step closer and though her uncertain expression didn’t change she didn’t back away from him. “If I’m gonna fall in love with anyone it’s gonna be you.” Astrid’s back straightened and the lines on her forehead softened.  He took another step toward her. “You don’t understand what you mean to me, what you’ve done. For so long I’ve been ready to give up. I’ve felt hopeless, I’ve felt like maybe people really can’t change, maybe it isn’t worth trying. But you, Astrid, _you_ …” The corner of his mouth twitched upwards. “I watched you change. You make things feel less hopeless.

“I know I can be a jerk. I know I have a temper. But things are better around you… _I’m_ better around you. I feel more like myself around you.” Another step, and that hint of hope in her eyes didn’t fade. “I need you.”

Astrid swallowed and her gaze fell to his feet. “Last night was ‘better’?” she asked, the sarcasm mitigated by the post-crying hoarseness.

Hiccup looked away and bit his lip. “Last night was…a fluke. Last night was bad. Just, all around bad. And I’m sorry. I really am so sorry.” He looked back at her but she was still staring at the ground. “Please, Astrid, one more chance.”

Astrid sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. “I shouldn’t want to forgive you as much as I do,” she said. Hiccup stepped closer to her and hesitantly reached out a hand and placed it on her shoulder. Those gorgeous blue eyes opened and he could see the conflict there; how desperately she wanted to trust him and how afraid she was to do so. Hiccup dropped to his knees in front of her and pulled her hands away from her arms.

“Please,” he implored quietly, “I’ve screwed up a lot of things in my life but I have to fix this. I have to fix _us_.” He reached up to cup her cheek and she leaned into his touch, biting her lip. “This matters. _You_ matter. Please, whatever I have to do to fix this, I’ll do it, just tell me.”

For a moment Astrid said nothing; she stood there and stared at her hand in his.

“Can I trust you?” she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

Hiccup reached to the side of his belt, where he’d hung the knife that had been his gift to her. He untied the sheath from his belt and pressed it into her hands. “I wouldn’t have given you this if you couldn’t.” Her hands squeezed so tight around the handle that for a moment her knuckles turned white. Slowly, they relaxed.

All the while her eyes never left his.

“If I say stop you’ll listen?”

“Yes, _gods_ yes.”

Astrid sighed and lowered herself to her knees. “Don’t make me regret this, Hiccup.”

He shook his head, relief washing over him, a tension releasing from his shoulders he didn’t even know was there, and he couldn’t help the half-laugh that escaped his lips. “You won’t, Astrid, you’ll see.”

“Good. Because you ever raise a hand to me again it better be one you don’t want to keep.”

Hiccup’s eyes fell to the bruises on her wrist. Gently he raised the hand to his lips and kissed the purpling skin. “Never, milady.”

“And you’re really willing to do whatever it takes to fix this?”

“Yes, anything.”

“Good. ‘Cause you’re gonna start by throwing out every drop of alcohol on this island.”


	14. Three Words, Five Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’re all so eager for them to reach Dragon Island and do something about the queen…you all know that’s not happening until the end of the fic, right? Are you saying you want it to be over already? Seriously though, we’re maybe a third of the way through. All that resolution is a long way off. Secondly, if you missed the announcement, this fic is going on a one-week hiatus. There won’t be a new chapter next Monday, but there will be the following Monday. The full explanation is on my tumblr. For the time being understand that it has to do with writing reasons and personal life reasons. 
> 
> Warnings: oh god what is this chapter. Warnings for...pervstrid? Pervcup? Perv-author. Look away, ye young childrens.

"You don't have to pull so hard," Hiccup told her, adjusting her hands on the ropes wrapped around the base of Stormfly's wings. "She's a smart girl; a little nudge in the right direction is all you need. Especially once she gets better at recognizing your verbal commands."

Astrid nodded and gently toed the dragon's side and her wings angled to send them gliding to the left.

"There you go, you're getting it," Hiccup said, and Astrid glanced back at him. He was finally looking a bit better; his color was starting to return. His smile still didn't reach his eyes and there were still dark circles bruising beneath them from lack of sleep, but he looked better than he had a few days ago. They'd been airborne for nearly half an hour without him getting nauseous, which was a huge improvement. He still barely ate and barely slept, with she and Toothless taking turns staying up and keeping an eye on him in case he started vomiting again. 

It had been a rough week.

Astrid hadn't realized just how heavily Hiccup's drinking had been until it came time to throw everything out. The barrels of mead and ale and wine salvaged from shipwrecks were one thing. It was when he started digging out the flasks he had scattered across the whole mountain that she realized how often he drank. There was one in every room; two in some of the rooms he spent most of his time in.  
"I don't have to get refills as often," he'd said, and then when Astrid had continued to stare at him he'd turn red and looked away. 

She knew he was always drinking, but she hadn't known that he was _always_ drinking. He was rarely actually drunk, but he was _always_ drinking. No wonder it took so much to get him really drunk; he'd built up an impressive tolerance.

Hiccup had been so optimistic that first day. He didn't have a problem, he continued to insist; stopping would be no big deal, and really, he didn't see the point in stopping completely. She'd see he was fine and then he could go back to occasional drinking. He wasn't dependent or anything. This would be easy.

This attitude lasted nearly a day.

And then Hiccup was waking up in the middle of the night, shaking and shivering and sweating buckets. 

"What's the longest you've ever been without a drink?” she'd asked him, cradling his head in her lap and running her fingers through his damp bangs in an attempt at soothing him.

Hiccup had shrugged. "I d-d-don't know," he said, teeth clattering. "A day?" He shuddered and wrapped his arms more tightly around Astrid's waist, burying his face in her stomach. "Why did I agree to this? This is terrible, I hate this."

"Oh Hiccup," she said, stroking his back. "Babe, if you feel like this after going without a drink for this short a time, then you have a bigger problem than I thought."

He'd glared at her. "This is not the time for fucking 'I told you so', Astrid. Oh gods..."

That's when the vomiting had started.

Astrid had spent four long days and nights ladling water and broth into Hiccup's mouth to keep him from getting dehydrated in between bouts of throwing up, all the while getting yelled at by an irritable and frustrated Hiccup. He slept in fitful bursts, watched over and comforted by Astrid and Toothless in turns.

It had helped her own exhausted emotional state when the Deadly Nadder she'd befriended had shown up with her four little hatchlings in tow and proceeded to fuss over Astrid as if she was one of her hatchlings as well. Stormfly and the babies were good company for those times when Hiccup’s fragile temper snapped and he lashed out.

They were a helpful distraction for Hiccup as well. Keeping him busy had become a significant priority, and teaching her how to fly the dragon and designing and making a saddle had given him something to do. In the meantime Astrid was trying to ride bareback with nothing but some ropes to hang on to, and though it was difficult and terrifying there was something thrilling about it. She was learning to balance; how much of her weight she could shift during flight, how the wind hit her, how it affected her movement and her dragon’s. Balancing on Stormfly’s back came almost naturally to her, which was a good thing since the Nadder had a penchant for midair acrobatics.

They flew past the outcropping where a reluctant Toothless was playing babysitter to Stormfly’s clutch, and even from a distance they could see his glare as the hyper young dragons crawled all over him and pulled at his ears. Every so often he’d lose his patience and roar at them, which they found endlessly amusing. Toothless liked Stormfly. The babies he…tolerated.

Stormfly’s wings folded and they turned into a corkscrew dive that had Astrid clinging to the dragon’s neck and when they straightened Hiccup’s white knuckled grip on the reigns didn’t loosen.

“You okay, babe?” Astrid looked over her shoulder at him, and seeing how pale his cheeks had gone she yanked gently on the ropes and directed Stormfly back to the ground.

Hiccup was on his hands and knees dry heaving into the bushes almost as soon as he dismounted. Astrid rushed to him, pulling the flask of water off her belt and holding it ready if he needed it. After a few minutes of panting he shook his head and sat back, taking the flask from her and draining it. Hiccup flopped on his back and groaned. 

"How are you feeling?" Astrid asked, and Hiccup stuck his tongue out at her.

"Sobriety sucks."

Astrid hummed and ran her fingers through his hair. "Give it time; you'll start to feel like yourself again soon.”

"If you say so," Hiccup sighed. "Gods, if I could just get some sleep I'd feel a whole lot better." 

"I'll mix you up an herbal broth tonight, maybe that'll help."

He groaned. "I'm so sick of broths and soups. What I would give for some smoked salmon fillets, or, or, pork loin."

Astrid shook her head, giggling. "You sure you could keep it down?"

Hiccup shifted to rest his head in her lap. "Well, it's your cooking, so probably not." Astrid smacked the top of his head and he grinned at her. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Mostly." That earned him another swat. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "I couldn't do this without you, Astrid."

Astrid looked away, cheeks flushing pink, and ran her fingers absently through Hiccup’s hair while she watched Stormfly squawking at one of her babies for shooting tail spikes at his sister. He was a stunning bright green and had earned himself the name Loki for his troublesome nature. His amethyst sister Prim screeched in his direction and flapped several yards away and began preening again, her favorite activity. The other two, an inseparable blue-green duo they’d named Rumble and Tumble, were chasing each other in circles around Toothless, who was trying to nap and failing at it. Rumble took a corner too fast and tripped over Toothless’s tail, waking him. Toothless glared at the hatchling, who stared up at him for a moment before looking at her brother and squeaking. Toothless looked at Tumble and growled while Rumble made her getaway.

“Those two could give Ruff and Tuff a run for their money,” Astrid said, laughing.

“I’m serious, you know.” Astrid turned her attention back to Hiccup, who was looking up at her intently.  “To be honest I kind of wonder why you stayed, after everything I’ve put you through. I begged you to stay but it’s not like I wouldn’t have deserved it if you left, especially once Stormfly showed up. But you stayed anyway.” He frowned at her, green eyes searching hers for something she wasn’t sure she was ready for him to find. “Why do you keep putting up with me, Astrid?”

Astrid’s fingers paused. “Because…Because I guess, I guess I couldn’t give you up if I wanted to. I’m not sure that that’s a good thing, but it is what it is. And because,” she ruffled his hair again, “Despite everything I can’t help believing that dumb sweet boy who used to stare at me in the forge is still in there somewhere.” He smiled, catching her hand and kissing it.

She took a deep breath.  “Because…” There were three words she could say; three words tapping at the back of her mind but that she wasn’t sure she wanted to say. Three words if she said now she’d have to proceed with two more: ‘I think’. She didn’t want to give him five words, she wanted to give him three, and she couldn’t now. Not when they were both still so fragile, not when he so badly didn’t need the ego boost. Those were three words she was still so afraid to give him, and she didn’t want to give them too him like that. She wanted to give them to him as she was, as the fearless girl she had been before her world had been torn out from under her. She felt robbed of her courage. By her village’s betrayal, by the actions he’d committed which she could forgive but not forget. She would not give him those words yet. He had not yet earned them.

So instead the three words she gave him were, “I don’t know.”

Xx

Hiccup and Toothless were out on their first solo flight in almost a week, and Astrid was apprehensive but hopeful. Hiccup seemed sturdy enough for it; the worst of his withdrawal seemed to be behind him and he was starting to settle into a new normal. She still had to keep an eye on him, of course. Every now and then she'd catch his jaw clenching and his hand squeezing into a fist and she'd know he was fighting the itch for a drink, at which point she would step in to find something to distract him. Sometimes _she_ would be what distracted him. There had been an honest effort on both their parts to slow their relationship down, but at the same time Astrid's body yearned for him, and keeping her hands off of him wasn't easy. There had been more nights like the one before Snoggletog (and days, and afternoons, and stolen mid-morning moments) where Hiccup slotted his hips between hers and ground against her until they were both panting and clinging to each other. She was never certain if he got off during those sessions as well; he usually left her for a few minutes after the stars had cleared from her vision, but whether that was to clean himself up or finish himself off she didn't know and was half-afraid to ask. He was always eager to make sure she knew he expected nothing of her, but she wished he knew she’d be alright with giving him something in return.

Astrid closed her eyes and tried to focus; she concentrated on putting on foot in front of the other. She must be approaching her fertile days if she was feeling like this. It took next to nothing to set the space between her legs to aching. She’d felt a twinge that morning just from Hiccup running a finger over the back of her hand as he passed. Astrid sighed and glanced down through the gloom of the tunnel at the pile of dirty clothes and towels in the wicker basket in her arms. If only she could scrub her mind down with soap while she washed these.

She hadn't bothered with her torch; this tunnel ran close to the outside of the mountain, and every so often there was an opening in the rock beside her that let in light, which was perfect given that it would have been difficult to carry her loads to the cold, strong washing stream with her torch in hand.

So lost in her own thoughts was she that when she stepped into the cavern where the stream ran she didn't hear the other voice muttering to itself, and indeed did not recognize another person was in the cavern until she looked up.

Astrid had time for her mouth to drop open and was about to apologize and turn her back, when Hiccup, who had not noticed her presence, turned around and gave her an eyeful.

Astrid screamed, Hiccup yelped; Astrid dropped her basket, Hiccup dropped his soap and they both spun around so that their backs were to each other.

There was a moment where there was no sound except the small waterfall crashing from one ledge to another.

"Sorry!"

"Sorry!"

"I didn't know you were back!"

"I didn't know you were gonna be coming up here!"

Astrid stared into the tunnel with wide eyes. She had seen naked men before. But she had never seen a man naked and...alert.

And she'd never seen Hiccup naked before. And. _Well_.

She'd felt that hard length covered by layers of fabric but she hadn't realized just how … _constricted_ it must be when confined to his pants. 

"What are you even doing in here?" Astrid squeaked, trying to cleanse her mind of that image. "You always bathe in the hot springs!"

Hiccup cleared his throat. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you'd be coming up here!"

"The water's freezing; why would you even want to bathe here?!"

"Um..." She heard a splashing noise as Hiccup shifted from one foot to another in the knee-deep water. "Well. I uh, I sorta needed a cold bath."

"Why?" Astrid realized the answer to her question the moment she asked it. 

"Um. Well. It uh. Cold baths help with uh, blood flow."

Astrid wished she could sink into the ground.

"I'm sorry, Astrid, I should have warned you I'd be here, but I couldn't because if I went to find you then you'd have to see...well. You'd… _see_."

Astrid didn't have the slightest idea how to respond to that. "You went flying," was what she finally managed.

Hiccup cleared his throat again. "Yeah. Well. We flew by this one island, and there were these girls swimming by the coast....naked."

She wondered if Hiccup could _hear_ her frown because he quickly started to backtrack. "No, no no, no, hang on. It's not like I was looking or anything, it's it's just that I _saw_ , you know? It's not like I was turned on by a bunch of random naked girls or something. I mean, this, this uh...problem is because, uh, well I saw those girls but I like you and I thought about how I'd never seen you naked so then I was picturing you naked and then, uh-"

"That happened because you were picturing me naked?"

There was a beat, then, "No! No no no, I, uh, I---I wasn't picturing you naked, that would be weird and creepy and--no. I saw a group of naked girls who mean nothing to me and who I will never see again and--it was an involuntary physical reaction and it had nothing to do with you."

Astrid glanced over her shoulder. Hiccup still had his back to her, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot in the water. His hair was wet and droplets were sliding down his smooth toned back, down over his tight butt and the lean muscles of his thighs. 

"So this happened because you were thinking about some random girls instead of me?" 

Hiccup stopped his fidgeting. She watched his shoulders sag as he sighed. "Okay, I give up. What's the answer that lands me in the least amount of trouble?"

Astrid smiled and let her eyes wander over his freckled shoulders, down to the sparser dots on his back. He had one freckle on the bottom of his left butt cheek. It was kind of adorable.

"The truth."

Hiccup sighed, and for a moment she thought he was going to turn around so she faced the tunnel again. 

"I saw those girls swimming, and I looked away, because, well I don't guess they would have wanted me to see them, and plus I've got you. And so then I thought about you and how I've never seen you naked, and it's not like I was trying to picture you naked, it just sort of _happened_ , you know? I wasn't...I wasn't trying to be creepy or anything. Please don’t be mad, my head’s a mess lately."

Astrid nodded even though she knew he couldn't see her. "It's okay," she said weakly. "It...these things happen."

"Right." 

Silence fell between them. 

"Um, so, Astrid?" Hiccup asked.

"Hm?"

"Can you maybe, uh, leave for a bit so I can uh...finish up here?" There was a pause. "That came out wrong. I just mean, there's still soap in my hair, so--"

"Right, yeah!" Astrid said, her cheeks hot enough to cook meat on. "Yeah, I'll give you some privacy. Sorry." 

She scurried off down the tunnel, her heart racing and her face on fire.

She had seen Hiccup naked.

She had seen Hiccup naked and hard. 

And…well. It wasn't like she had a point of comparison, but... _well_. Was that normal size? That seemed...large. Or perhaps that was simply what normal was. She knew mathematically what average size was, but she'd never seen it before, and in person that seemed... _well_.

And that was supposed to fit _there_? 

It was a concept that seemed as thrilling as it was daunting.

Her body could stretch, she knew that; Ruffnut had told her that they always seemed too big until they were in. The ones who looked like they'd fit weren't big enough to be any fun. So many of those times that she'd had Hiccup pressed up against her, pressing and rubbing and driving her to the brink of madness she had _felt_ that empty space inside her and felt the desperate need to have it filled. 

She thought again of Hiccup, of what she had seen, of the predicament he was dealing with.

She dropped her basket.

She was just bringing him a towel; that was all. She hadn't seen one; maybe in his haste he'd forgotten to get one.  That was all she was doing. 

Or so that was her excuse. The truth is that she was curious. His cold bath didn’t seem to be helping his… _situation_. Perhaps he’d have to try alternative measures. She took softer footsteps as she approached the cavern, tip toeing closer and keeping her breathing as quiet as possible. As she got closer she heard it: soft, panting little breaths.

Astrid flattened herself to the wall and crept to the entrance to the cave. She slipped into an alcove right next to where the rock gave way to the cave beyond, out of sight to anyone who looked directly into the tunnel. 

Her hand gripped the towel that was her only alibi if she got caught, though from what she could hear that didn't seem likely to happen.

"...Astrid...."

Her breath hitched.

He was. 

He was actually....

Gods, and he was thinking about _her_.

Astrid slid closer to the entranceway and craned her neck to peek around the rock. Hiccup had his back to her, hunched slightly with his forehead resting against the rock wall and supported by one arm pressed against the rock. One hand was hidden around his front, the motion of his upper arm telling her all she needed to know. His body rocked and shivered in time to the motion of that arm and the soft moans slipping from his lips. 

Astrid looked away. She shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be spying on him. It wasn’t fair, breaching his privacy like this. But then…she wasn’t the one who brought her into all this. _He_ was the one thinking about _her_ while he…did _that_.

She pressed her thighs together. Her heart was going to leap out of her chest. She dropped the towel and her hands pressed against the rock behind her. She should leave, she really should, but she didn’t want to. Those little noises he was making were absolutely divine…

She twisted her neck to see him again, and the sight was too much. Her hand slid past the waistband of her skirt and into her leggings. Her breath left her in a staggered sigh and her head fell back against the rock. She bit her lip to keep from gasping as her fingers rocked in time to those beautiful soft moans Hiccup was making. She wondered what he was thinking about. Was he just imagining her naked or was he picturing her being the one to touch him? Gods, if he asked she gladly would.

He murmured her name again and Astrid had to press her hand to her mouth to keep from making a sound. She took silent shallow breaths, ever wary of being heard. She turned to watch him again, the slight bucking of his hips, the tremble of his body, all those beautiful lean lines and flat planes shining and wet. She wanted to run her hands all over him. She wanted to kiss every freckle on his shoulders, and even the one on his butt. Gods, she wanted to get her hands on that butt.

She had the absurd thought of going in there; of sneaking up behind him, running her hands over his shoulders and down his arms and wrapping her hand over his. She’d nibble at his ear and scrape her teeth over the lobe the way he liked…

Astrid bucked hard against her reaching fingers as Hiccup’s moans turned to sharp grunts. She wanted his hands on her. She wanted him to press her against that rock wall. She wanted him pushing her skirt out of the way; she wanted to hear those grunts next to her ear, wanted his breath hot and moist on her neck.

“A-Astrid!” And oh gods, she wanted to see his face when he moaned her name like that, his whole body shaking the way it was now as he spilled into the rushing current.

It was too much for her to bear.

She looked away, biting down on her arm to keep from moaning as she shuddered and convulsed. When it subsided she slumped against the wall behind her, knees ready to give way at any moment. She could hear Hiccup panting in the cave behind her.

As soon as she thought she could walk without her legs falling out from under her Astrid slipped away down the tunnel, face bright red and heart still racing, towel forgotten.

Hiccup would find it later and think nothing of it.

Xx

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Astrid said, almost yelling over the wind as they cut through the skies. “It wouldn’t be the end of the world if you didn’t show up for one raid!”

“What if it was?” Hiccup shouted back. “What if I didn’t go and something terrible happened? I’m fine, Astrid.”

Astrid’s arms tightened around his torso. “Hiccup, you’re still recovering, you’re still feeling weak--”

“I’m strong enough to hang on to a dragon, Astrid, I’ll be fine!” he snapped, and Astrid sighed. She was trying not to take it personally; Hiccup was just going to be easily agitated for awhile. He’d snap at her and then calm down and apologize for it later when he started feeling more himself again. But it worried her that he was feeling that way _now_.

“Hiccup, raids always make you want to drink,” she said, “You’re doing so well, but until you’ve got a better handle on this I don’t know that you should be out here! What if it goes badly? You’ll get home and you’ll be a wreck and you won’t be able to--”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Astrid!” Hiccup pushed his helmet back and turned to glare at her. “What choice do I have? If I don’t go, it’ll be chaos. And if it really goes wrong because I’m not there, then I’ll _really_ want a drink.” She could see the hard, determined look in those green eyes and knew there would be no changing his mind. “Believe me, Astrid, if leaving the Vikings to fend for themselves against dragons was in any way an option for me then I’d have left them to it years ago.” His glare slackened and his voice was less harsh when he next spoke. “But it isn’t. I help because I have to. Because I’m the only one who can do anything about it.” He dropped his eyes. “It doesn’t matter what it does to me.” He pulled his helmet back down and shifted Toothless’s tailfin into a dive.

Below them the battle was already underway. Buildings were on fire and a few dragons had already taken to the sky with sheep in their claws. They were too high to be seen from the ground, but Astrid flattened herself against Hiccup’s back anyway.

“There,” Hiccup said, pointing to a large stone building with a roof made of interlocking chains. “That’s their training arena, and those square buildings at the side are where the dragons are locked up. Get them all out if you can, but focus on the biggest dragons first. They’d rather put off the Dragon Training final exam than leave them with a smaller dragon to kill.”

“But get them all out if I can,” Astrid said, nodding.

“Right.”

There was no one near the arena at the time so Hiccup dropped her off in the darkness of a small cluster of tree before taking off into the skies. Astrid crept around the outside of the arena until she reached the huge square pens where the Bog Burglars’ captive dragons were held. She checked the plaques on each pen until she came to the big boys: the Monstrous Nightmares. She cranked the handle and the gate started to rise; the noise from inside the pen growing louder and louder. Finally the gate rose all the way and the muzzled head of a huge purple Nightmare hesitantly poked out. Astrid held her hands out in front of her.

“Hey,” she breathed, moving slowly closer to the huge dragon. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here to help.” Those huge yellow eyes watched her as she moved closer. “You’re okay, you’re okay,” Astrid cooed, and held a hand out in front of the dragon’s snout. It studied her a moment longer, then its pupils dilated and it pushed its nose into her hand. Astrid laughed in relief. “There you go, that’s a good dragon. Now let’s get you out of these chains…”

X

She had released two Nightmares, a Nadder, and couple of Zipplebacks and was working on the cage of a Gronkle when she heard an outraged voice behind her.

“That’s my skirt!”

Astrid spun around to see a young woman about her age stalking closer. The girl was short, at least a full head shorter than Astrid, and had wild blonde hair that tumbled over her shoulders and down to her hips. She leveled her sword at Astrid, who backed slowly away from the doors of the pen, one hand reaching for her knife.

The girl raised an eyebrow at the small blade. “Is that what you’re going to fight me with? Really?”

“I don’t want to fight you,” Astrid told her, and the girl laughed.

“ _You_ don’t want to fight _me_?” She laughed again and twirled her sword. “Should have thought about that before you stole my clothes.” Astrid glanced down at her skirt and back at the young woman.

“You’re Camicazi, aren’t you?”

She nodded. “Aye, I am. And these are _my_ islands, and we’ve got enough trouble with dragons without someone settin’ free the ones we’ve already got.”

They circled each other, blades at the ready, each waiting for the other to make a move. Camicazi looked her up and down. “You’re the girl Berk gave up, aren’t you? What’s your name? I heard what it was but I don’t remember.” Astrid didn’t answer. Camicazi’s lips pursed. “What are you doing out here, anyway?”

Astrid swallowed. “I don’t want to fight you,” she repeated, “But I will if I have to.”

Camicazi paused and frowned at her. The tip of her sword tipped down. “Come with me,” she said, and Astrid blinked at her in confusion.

“What?”

Camicazi lowered her sword and held out a hand. “Come with me. Let me help you.” Astrid stopped pacing and stared, her knife still held defensively out in front of her. “Is he threatening you?” The other girl asked, her slim blonde brows knit together. “Your village, your family? What is he doing to make you help him?”

“I, I don’t…” Astrid shook her head, her arm dropping just slightly.

Camicazi took a step towards her. “Please, let me help you. Come with me, we’ll get you somewhere safe, somewhere he can’t get to you. I’ll help you get home, to Berk. _Please,_ ” she implored, her eyes narrowed and radiating concern. “Let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help,” Astrid said, and bit back a wince. “I mean, you can’t help me. He’s...” She struggled for words. Camicazi would tell Berk about this, she knew it. She had to twist this to maintain the illusion of her innocence. “You don’t know what he’s like. You don’t know what he’ll do. You can’t help me.” Astrid took another step back and Camicazi took another step forward.

“What will he do?” she asked, sheathing her sword and approaching Astrid with both hands out as if she were a wild animal. “If you’re with us he won’t be able to hurt you. You’ll have every warrior on the Bog Isles protecting you.”

Astrid shook her head. Play the threatened captive, she thought. Play into Camicazi’s expectations. “That won’t be enough. You don’t know what he’s capable of. You don’t know what he’ll do to get me back. You don’t know _him_.”

“And you do?” Camicazi asked, a curious lilt to her voice. “Listen, come with me and we’ll protect you. If you know who he is, where he’s based, you could help us. We’ll contact not just Berk but all the tribes. We’ll find him, we’ll find the nest, and we’ll take them down.”

Astrid nearly tripped over her own feet trying to back away. She needed to get out of here; she needed to get away from Camicazi. “You don’t understand what you’re asking. You can’t help me. You can’t…” she trailed off, noticing that Camicazi’s attention had shifted to the knife held loosely in Astrid’s hand.

“You have a weapon,” she said, frowning, her head tilting to the side. Her eyes flickered back to Astrid. “Why would he let you have a weapon? Does he know you have that?”

Astrid looked at her knife, at Camicazi, at the dragons still in the pens behind them.

 _I’m sorry_ , she thought, and ran.

“Hey!”

A small throwing knife embedded itself in the ground inches from Astrid’s next steps and she tried to change direction, but again a knife in the grass stopped her. She skidded in another direction but there was a sharp pull on the back of her cloak and she went crashing to the ground. She tried to push herself up but suddenly Camicazi’s face loomed over her, her sword raised and pointed at Astrid’s heart.

“Who are you?” she asked, glaring down. “What are you really doing with him?”

Astrid swallowed hard. “You don’t understand,” she tried, licking her lips. “You don’t know what he could do to me.”

There was a roar from above them and Camicazi was stumbling back, her eyes wide. Astrid pushed herself onto her elbows in time to see Hiccup and Toothless land nearby. The dragon roared again and Camicazi backed further away. Hiccup slid off the saddle and started towards Astrid, who shrank into herself and shook her head, silently praying that Hiccup would catch on to the act and play along.

“She-she was trying to make me go with her,” Astrid said, glancing back and forth between Hiccup and Camicazi, who had her longsword pointed towards Toothless. “I wasn’t going to, I wasn’t! Please, please!”

Hiccup stopped, and she could picture his perplexed expression behind the mask. After a moment he glanced back at Camicazi before stepping forward and grabbing Astrid’s arm and pulling her roughly to him. “I take it you want me to play along?” he whispered.

“If you could, that would be great,” Astrid murmured, hoping she looked appropriately scared.

“Pretend I just said something threatening. Nod and look really scared.” She did as he asked. “Don’t look at me, don’t look at her; you’re scared, look down. You wanna look cowed.” She nodded again, her eyes on her feet. “Sorry if this hurts you,” he said, and then he jerked her arm and pulled her back towards Toothless, walking fast enough that she could pretend to have trouble keeping up with him. He shoved her the last few feet and she tried to look as frightened as possible as she climbed into the saddle. Hiccup climbed on behind her and she threw in a whimper as he wrapped an arm around her waist. Camicazi was still watching them, her sword ready in case they attacked.

Astrid chanced one last look at her. Their eyes met, and she saw a contemplative frown overtake Camicazi’s face just before Toothless took off into the air.

“Yeah, you better run off, you great scaly coward!” the girl shouted. “I’d have skinned you alive and worn your hide as hairpiece!”

“Lot of bravado for such a little thing.”

Hiccup laughed. “Yeah, that’s Cami for you.”

“AND I WANT MY SKIRT BACK!”

“Wow, her voice carries.”

Xx

Astrid rolled over and poked Hiccup’s nose. “You awake?”

One eye opened. “I am now.”

Astrid winced. “Sorry.”

Hiccup shook his head, both eyes opening. “Nah, I was already awake. Couldn’t sleep.”

Astrid sighed and snuggled closer to him, her arms sliding around his neck while his wrapped around her waist and pulled her close. “Still?” He nodded. “I thought you might be able to get a good night’s sleep for once. The raid wasn’t that bad. No casualties, no captured dragons, no major damage to any homes or buildings, and a few captured dragons freed.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “Not a bad night.”

“Yeah,” Hiccup sighed, “Tonight was alright.” He shrugged. “I probably could sleep, but…”

“But?”

He looked away. “I’m still having nightmares when I do sleep.”

Astrid tucked her head under his neck, her hands sliding down and wrapping around his torso. “I could sing you my sister’s bad dream song,” she said, giggling.

Hiccup shifted so he could look at her. “Would you?” he asked. Astrid laughed.

“I was joking.”

“I wasn’t. Let me hear it. If it helps her sleep, maybe it’ll help me.”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “I don’t think it’ll help you. It’s just this silly stupid little thing we made up that makes her laugh enough that she doesn’t feel scared anymore.”

Hiccup smiled and kissed her cheekbone. “I don’t care. I wanna hear it. Even if Brenna says you can’t sing.”

Astrid huffed a sigh and sat up in bed, glaring down at Hiccup. “Fine, but only if you promise not to laugh at my singing. And remember, this was co-written by a toddler, so it’s not exactly a ballad for the ages.”

Hiccup made a show of getting comfortable and Astrid flicked his head for his facetiousness. She took a deep breath, her gaze anywhere but on Hiccup, and started to sing, “ _Trolls are strong but love is stronger, I will keep you safe and warm. Monsters are mean but sisters are meaner, I will keep you safe from harm. Yes, I will keep you safe from harm._ ” She could feel her face growing hotter and hear Hiccup fighting back sniggers, but powered on. “ _So sing it loud and sing it proud, until your ears are ringing. Sing along to the bad dream song, cause monsters hate bad singing. Yes, monsters hate bad singing._ And just that over and over again because toddlers are easily entertained like that.”

When she finally found the courage to look back at Hiccup his lips were pursed together and his shoulders were shaking with the effort of holding back laughter. She slapped his shoulder. “Shut up!”

Hiccup burst into laughter, the sound reverberating off the stone walls and waking Toothless, who grumbled at them and covered his face with his tail. “Oh my gods, that was so much better than I could have imagined!”

Astrid glared at him and punched his shoulder again. “Shut up!”

“No, no, I’m not making fun,” Hiccup said, reaching out and pulling her back down to him, the biggest grin she’d seen in over a week splitting his face. “It’s adorable,” he told her. Astrid stopped glaring long enough to give him a begrudging smile.

“Still shut up.”

Hiccup hugged her tight and pecked her on the lips. “I’m serious, Astrid. There’s no way I could have bad dreams after that.”

“Go to sleep, Hiccup.”

And by the time they both fell asleep, smiles pulling at the corner of their lips, Astrid had forgotten the worries that had woken her in the first place.

Xx

“Anything else?”

“Nope; like I said, after he started dragging her towards that dragon she didn’t say anything else.”

Stoick nodded. “Well I can see why you wanted to tell me all this in person.”

Camicazi downed the rest of her ale. “Didn’t seem like the sort of thing I could sum up in a letter. Besides, I miss the seas. Haven’t had much time for it since I took the throne. Chieftessing is much more boring that piracy.”

Across the table Arvid Hofferson was frowning at the young chieftess. “You don’t seem particularly concerned about my daughter, given what you saw.”

Camicazi pulled her feet off the table and sat up straight. “No, I’m not. I’m not convinced I need to be.”

“Why’s that?” Gobber asked, stroking his mustache. “You said yourself it looked like she was being coerced.”

Camicazi nodded. “Yeah, it did. She said everything you’d expect a captive being forced to act against her will to say.”

Arvid cleared his throat pointedly. “And why would that strike you as suspicious?”

The young chieftess sighed through her nose and evaluated the man across the table. “Because she said everything you’d expect a captive being forced to act against her will to say.” She sat back in her chair and began playing with the gold rings up and down her fingers. “But that’s not even the most interesting part.”

Stoick leaned forward, looking at the young woman intently. “Then what’s the most interesting part?”

“What she said first, before all the other ‘oh you don’t know what he’ll do to me, boo hoo, woe is me’ stuff.”

“Which was?”

Camicazi looked up, frowning. “Five words. Five very interesting words: I don’t need your help.”

 


	15. The Dragon Master's Whore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Early update because I spent all day Saturday fighting to finish writing part of this, and the only way to motivate myself to finish it was by moving my deadline up a day. Because writing smut is the hardest thing ever and there is NOTHING SEXY ABOUT IT AT ALL. Before we begin I want to remind you all of something, because this keeps coming up: This fic is not inspired by or related to Thaipothetical’s fic Sacrifices. Persephone and Sacrifices were both inspired by a drabble posted on tumblr by hiilikedragons (CuriosityRedux of Wild Hearts fame on fanfiction.net). They are not at all inspired by each other. I haven’t even read Sacrifices and am not going to until I finish Persephone. As far as I know these two fics are vastly vastly different so I don’t know why this keeps happening.   
> Warnings: Smut. SO MUCH SMUT.

“It is very important that what we are about to discuss _does not leave this room_.”

Stoick looked around at the apprehensive faces of those seated before him. To his left were Spitelout and Snotlout, the latter gripping the hand of his wife, who was scooted as close to the table as her enlarged belly would allow. Tuffnut was next to his sister, and Fishlegs further down. To his right was Gobber, and then the Hoffersons.

He sighed. “I know that a few weeks ago we received some, ah, unnerving news from our allies the Bog Burglars.”

Arvid Hofferson scoffed. “ ‘Unnerving news’, is that what we’re calling it? I’d call it outright blasphemy.” Stoick shot him a glare and Arvid was quickly shushed by his wife.

“Call it what you may,” Stoick continued, “But Camicazi’s news was troubling to say the least. We know that Astrid lives, and we know that for some reason, rather by choice or by force—“

“By force, obviously.”

“Arvid, hush!”

“For whatever reason,” Stoick raised his voice in hope of quelling anymore interruptions, “she appears to be helping the Dragon Master.”

“We don’t know that’s what she’s doing,” Ruffnut cut in, frowning at the table. “Astrid would never turn on Berk. She fought dragons harder than any of us.”

“Yeah,” Tuffnut added, nodding enthusiastically. “She could be helping _us_ for all we know. Maybe it only _looks_ like she’s helping him.” Ruffnut elbowed his shoulder.

“How is releasing captured dragons helping us, idiot. My point is that we don’t know what’s going on. She’s his captive; she’s probably just doing whatever it takes to stay alive.”

“Would you two be quiet?!” Stoick snapped, and the twins fell silent. “Camicazi’s report alone is unnerving, but we have some more news that might shed some more light on what’s going on.” He surveyed the room again and sighed, his shoulders sagging. “But I have to warn you all, that what you’re about to hear is…unsettling.”

Glances were exchanged around and across the table, and Stoick looked to Gobber, who was holding a folded piece of parchment in his hand. “You’re up.”

Gobber nodded and cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. “Eh…” He unfolded the parchment and spread it out on the table. “So, ehm, I recently got a letter from an old buddy of mine from a little further south. He’s a blacksmith down in Silverfin Shores. Anyway, here’s what it says.” He picked up the letter with his one good hand and began reading.

“ _Dear Gobber, I hope you are well, and I hope that rash cleared up, that’s no fun place to have one_. Eh, ignore that bit. _Things are not so good here. We were raided again last night, and something has happened that I knew I had to write to you about immediately. You told me how your village tried to appease the Dragon Master’s wrath by offering up a girl. I may have some news on that, but you may not like what I have to say. I swear on my life, on my shop, on that drunken night in that tavern on Greed’s Rock all those years ago, that everything I’m about to say is true._ ”

“What happened in that tavern on Greed’s Rock?”

“Tuffnut, quiet!”

“ _I had left my shop during the raid to help with the fight, but had to return after a Gronkle bit the head of my hammer clean off. I was heading back through to the storeroom when I heard something moving inside. I thought maybe a dragon had got in; you know like one of them little green annoying ones, so I grabbed a sword and headed back there. Imagine my surprise when I turn the corner and see this young woman back there! Now if you’re expecting this to be one of those stories the young men brag about during feasts that you know ain’t true then you can stop because that ain’t it at all._

“ _This young woman was maybe in her late teens: 18, 19, certainly no older than 20, with long blonde hair in a single braid. Round face, big blue eyes. Pretty young thing. I don’t think nothing of it at first. It’s a raid, someone looting my shop, it happens. I didn’t recognize her but it’s a big village and we get traders come through so that don’t mean much to me then either. She hadn’t seen me yet because she was busy looking through boxes and things, like she’s trying to find something. I was about to call out to her and ask her what the hel she thinks she’s doing in my shop, when I hear another voice, a man’s voice. She looks to the right, towards the back door—you remember how that old shop is set up, it’s like a maze back there, which is why she didn’t see me yet—and I’m about to say something again because one looter in my shop is enough, I don’t need two of them, and that’s when he walks in and I see him._

“ _He was in my shop, Gobber. The Dragon Master was in my shop._ ” Gobber looked up for a moment to look around the table at the riveted expressions on everyone’s faces before licking his lips and continuing. “ _I don’t want nothing to do with that, so that’s when I hide. I can still see them, but they can’t see me, so I just decided to wait and watch and pray that monster didn’t find me. So he walks up to her, and it strikes me immediately that this must be the girl you were telling me about, and also that she seems awfully calm. The Dragon Master starts talking to her, asking her questions about things she’s supposed to get, and I have to say, I always imagined that his voice would be different. More menacing, but he just sounded like a normal man. He spoke perfect Norse, but the Young Man’s Norse. You know, the way most of the younger generation is speaking now. So he’s asking her about all these forge supplies, did she get this, did she get that. I don’t remember exactly what he asked her, but he wasn’t looking for nails or horseshoes. He was asking for the kinds of things you need for real proper smithing._

“ _Anyway, he’s asking, she’s saying yes or no or whatever, and then he says something real quiet that I couldn’t hear. Next thing I know he’s grabbing her by the hips and lifting her up on the worktable behind her and stepping really really close._ ”

“I don’t want to hear this,” Ingrid interrupted, burying her face in her husband’s shoulder.

“Actually I think you might,” Stoick said in a low voice and gestured for Gobber to continue.

Gobber gave the Hofferson matriarch a long look before sighing and continuing. “ _What happened next I’ll never forget. The girl pulled his mask up just a bit—not much, just up to about his nose, and it’s tilted so I still can’t see but just a bit of his face. From what I could see I think he was young. I mean, really young. Her age, maybe. Strong jaw, no beard, short brownish hair. Maybe freckles; hard to tell in that light. He looked normal, Gobber. We’ve all wondered if he’s man or monster or something in between but he looked like any normal human. But that’s not what I most wanted to write to you about. You see, she lifted up his mask that little bit, and then she kissed him. And I do mean those words in that order, Gobber,_ she _kissed_ him.”

“What?!” Gobber stopped reading, and looked up to see every pair of eyes in the room save Stoick’s wide and pinned on him. Ingrid was shaking her head. “No,” she said. “No, I don’t believe it.”

“Let him finish, Ingrid,” Stoick said quietly, and nodded at Gobber.

“ _So I’m sitting there stunned at this point, and she’s kissing him, and then the man steps closer and starts hiking up her skirt like he means to take her right then and there. And that’s when I start to panic a little bit, because this is all a bit much for me, and I knock over something, a box of nails maybe, and they break apart and look around. They don’t see me, but the girl pulls his mask down, and he lifts her off the table. I saw the Dragon Master grab one more thing off one of my shelves and then he was taking her hand and they were running out of my shop through that back door. By the time I was brave enough to get out from my hiding place the raid was over and they were both gone. I don’t know if this is your Berkian girl, but I don’t know who else she could be._ And uh, then he goes on to talk about some other things but I think that’s what’s relevant.”

Gobber carefully folded the letter back up before looking around at his stunned audience.

“So as you can see,” Stoick began, his eyes on his great beard instead of his villagers, “Camicazi may not have been wrong to have her suspicions.”

“I still don’t believe it,” Ingrid said, shaking her head and glaring at them all in a way very reminiscent of her daughter. “I know my Astrid; she’s too headstrong and fierce a girl to turn on her people. If she’s helping that monster she’s not doing it by choice.”

“And she’s kissing him, what, out of fear?” Spitelout said, matching Ingrid’s glare. “I think it’s time we ask ourselves what Astrid really is: the Dragon Master’s captive, or his whore.”

“My daughter is no one’s _whore_!” Arvid pounded his fist on the table.

Stoick held up a hand. “Arvid, as much as I hate to say it I think we might have to accept the possibility that she is. At the very least we have to admit at this point that Astrid’s involvement with the Dragon Master might not be entirely coerced.”

“Are we all forgetting that Astrid’s not an idiot?” Ruffnut cut in. “She’s smart. And she’s always known how to use whatever weapon she’s got available. She’s probably doing whatever it takes to stay alive. And maybe, yes, that means kissing him.” Ruffnut sat back and glared at all of them as if daring anyone to disagree with her. “Maybe her best bet to stay alive is to make the Dragon Master think she’s on his side. Maybe she’s biding her time. Maybe she’s trying to gain his trust, learn how to take him down before she escapes.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Maybe she is sleeping with him, who knows, but who’s to say she isn’t doing it strategically.”

“I don’t know,” Snotlout said, staring at his hands clasped on the table. “Astrid was always smart, yeah, but I don’t know about strategic. She was always more of a, beat ‘em down with an axe first, plan later sort of gal.”

Ruffnut punched his shoulder. “She could be strategic when the situation called for it!”

“Aye, that she could,” Ingrid said, sitting up straighter and pursing her lips. “I taught my girl how to look after herself, and that meant sometimes fighting smarter instead of harder. Whatever Astrid is doing, I know she would never turn on Berk.”

“How do we know she wouldn’t, though?” Everyone turned to look at Tuffnut, who shrugged. “I mean, we turned on her. It’s not like she doesn’t have a good reason to turn on us.”

The rest of the table stared in silence for a long moment before Fishlegs said, “You know, for someone who normally has the intelligence of a Terrible Terror, you can occasionally be pretty insightful.”

Tuffnut grinned at him. “I know, right!” he said excitedly. “I’m like, all or nothing, you know. A total idiot or a total genius. There is no in between.”

“Can we get back to the topic at hand,” Arvid growled, “Where you’ve just accused my daughter of being a traitor?”

Tuffnut’s eyes widened and he sank back into his seat. “I’m not saying Astrid is definitely a traitor,” he said, his palms up in defense. “I’m just saying that if she is, it’s not like we didn’t give her good reason to be one.”

Beside him Ruffnut’s eyebrows drew together and she nodded. “He’s kind of right. If it had been me given up to be killed or worse, I’d be pretty pissed off too.”

Arvid threw his hands in the air. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

“Arvid, they’ve got a point,” said Gobber, who’d been quiet up until this point, frowning at the tabletop. “Astrid was strong and smart and loyal, yes, but she also had a temper to be reckoned with. And let’s not forget that the Dragon Master initially turned her down. If it weren’t for Spitelout deciding on the ever diplomatic solution of murder he’d have left her here.” His thick shoulders bobbed. “I think we might have to consider the possibility that that Dragon Master has shown her more kindness than we have.”

The table went silent again, until finally a worried-looking Ingrid said softly, “She was so angry at us.” Everyone looked at her. “She was furious.”

“So…” Fishlegs said, tapping his fingers on the table. “What do we do?”

“For starters, we brand that treacherous girl a traitor.”

Arvid jumped to his feet. “How dare you! First you call my daughter a whore, now you call her a traitor!”

Spitelout was soon on his feet as well. “Well if the helmet fits, Arvid! There’s more evidence that she’s working with him than anything else!”

“Quiet!” Stoick’s voice boomed through the hall. “Arvid, Spitelout, sit down, the both of you.” The two men took their seats again as Stoick got out of his. He sighed. “Without further evidence we can’t rule out the possibility of coercion or strategy, but I also at this point can’t rule out Astrid having turned on us. The question now is what are we going to do.”

“I say we try to treat with him,” Arvid said.

“Yes, because that’s always worked out so well in the past,” Spitelout muttered, and Arvid shot him a glare.

“Then we make him listen. Do something to catch his attention.”

“Like what?”

“Snotlout,” Stoick said suddenly, interrupting the argument and looking to his heir. “What do you think we should do?”

Snotlout started, his eyes going wide as he took in the rest of the table, all eyes fixed expectantly on him. “Um, what?”

“A chief has to make decisions in difficult times. What do you think we should do about all this?”

Snotlout swallowed. “I-I don’t know.” He looked between his father and his wife. His father looked disappointed, as he usually did when Snotlout floundered in the face of any chiefly duty, but Ruffnut just rolled her eyes and took his hand. 

“I say we should try to treat with him. Or at the very least get his attention and capture him,” she said, and not for the first time since they’d wed Snotlout heaved a sigh of relief at her intervention. “He’s not anything supernatural. He’s just some guy, which means we can talk to him if we can just get his attention.”

Snotlout nodded eagerly. “Yeah, we should do that. We should try to get his attention, and then talk to him.” He glanced at his father. “Or capture him. Or something.” He looked at Stoick, who was stroking his beard thoughtfully. Ruffnut gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

When he was young Snotlout had wanted nothing more than to be named heir. It had seemed like an inevitable thing, with how much of a failure Hiccup was at everything. Everyone expected it; everyone assumed that one day Hiccup would be passed over and the title of heir given to Snotlout, it was just a matter of waiting until Stoick made it official. Then Dragon Training started, and all of a sudden Hiccup, scrawny, weak, clumsy _Hiccup_ was doing better at it than all of them, and all those dreams of being chief one day were torn from under him.

And strangely, Snotlout had felt relief. He didn’t want to be chief, he’d realized. He didn’t want the responsibility or the duty or any of it. Let Hiccup have it all.

But fate had other plans, it seemed. A hysterical Astrid had come running into the village one evening, shaking and sobbing, and by the time they calmed her down and worked out what had happened it was already hours too late. Hiccup was gone, and officially Snotlout was heir. It had terrified him then, and it did not feel much less terrifying now, especially since Stoick was more actively grooming him for the role. “He wants to retire in the next few years if he can,” Spitelout had confided in him. “He wants to be able to hand over the chiefdom sooner rather than later.”

He was already dealing with the impending weight of responsibility of fatherhood hanging over his head. He didn’t even feel ready to take care of one tiny human, let alone a village full of people.

Stoick nodded. “We’re running out of other options. We got his attention once before, I see no reason we can’t do it again. The only question is how.” He looked around the table. “Any ideas?”

No one answered for a couple of uncomfortable minutes.

Finally Fishlegs sighed. “I might have an idea.”

Xx

Astrid ran the comb through her long hair, satisfied she could finally pull it from root to tip without meeting tangles. She breathed deeply, the warm, humid air made her feel lethargic and lazy, unlike the biting cold air of the tunnels above. She could easily fall asleep down here, legs going pruney in the water of the hot springs.

The quiet was as soothing as it was rare. It was a lot noisier these days, with seven dragons running around instead of just one. Stormfly’s hatchlings were growing quickly; Prim’s crown of spikes reached Astrid’s waist now. The adolescent dragons could fly easily on their own, and often hunted fish alongside their mother and Toothless. Scamp the Terrible Terror had been unofficially adopted into the clutch by the ever-maternal Stormfly, and would rough-house with his larger ‘siblings’ as if he wasn’t small enough to be crushed under their feet. He went out on his own fairly often, but he returned every couple of days to enjoy a meal too big for him and to annoy Toothless.

If Hiccup’s prediction was correct, the Night Fury wouldn’t have to put up with it much longer. Stormfly’s babies would strike out on their own in the near future, and Toothless could go back to scowling at Scamp when he tried to steal his breakfast.

It was dark down here; no light from above penetrated into these deeper caves, and it was already too hot for a fire, so the hot springs were lit by a string of lanterns that had to be lit by torch whenever someone came down here. They frustrated Astrid immensely, because they had been hung by Hiccup for his height, and she had to drag a stool down to the springs with her in order to light them.

It was peaceful down here, though. A quiet, dark, warm little escape from the chaos of the rest of the mountain.

There was a yelp behind her and she spun around to see Hiccup with a hand clapped over his eyes, a towel slung over the arm holding a lantern. “Sorry!” he said. “I didn’t see anything, I promise.”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “I know you didn’t. You can put your hand down, I’m not naked.” Hiccup dropped his hand and glanced over her. It was too hot to get fully dressed down in these caves; she’d only put on her skirt and her breast bindings. The rest of her clothes were drying on a nearby rock. She noticed the way Hiccup’s eyes slid almost lecherously over her chest and bare stomach. She cleared her throat and started pulling her comb through her wet hair again. “What are you doing down here, it’s my turn.”

Hiccup approached her and sat his lantern and towel down by her side. “Toothless kept me out for an extra long flight today. We just got back.”

Astrid nodded. “I was wondering why I hadn’t seen you around. And you came down here when I’d be bathing because…?”

Hiccup paused with his hands on the hem of his shirt and looked at her. “I thought you’d be done. I wasn’t trying to peek, I promise.” Astrid nodded, accepting this, and Hiccup pulled his shirt over his head. He reached for the drawstring of his pants and Astrid’s head whipped the other direction, a blush rising in her cheeks. She heard Hiccup’s snort. “What, like you haven’t already seen everything?” He sniggered. “And felt everything?”

Astrid pursed her lips and gripped the edge of the pool of water. “Well, yeah,” she said through gritted teeth. “Aren’t you embarrassed at all?” She heard the rustling of fabric and his pants landed in her lap.

“Oh yeah, because I’ve never been seen naked by a woman before in my life. And I’ve definitely never been seen naked by you.”

Astrid sighed, a little miffed at his mention of other women. “Oh right. I bring the grand total up to what, five?”

The sound of movement stopped. “Yeah. Um, how many girls did I tell you I’d been with, again?”

Astrid frowned. “Four.” She looked at him, for the moment too preoccupied to be thankful that he was still wearing his underwear. “Why?”

Hiccup swallowed and twiddled his thumbs, not looking at her. “I might…have kind of…rounded down, a bit.”

Astrid’s eyes narrowed. “How much is ‘a bit’? How many girls have you really slept with?”

He paused. His eyes squeezed closed and he grimaced. “Seven.”

“Seven.”

“Possibly eight.”

“Possibly— _possibly_? How ‘possibly’?” she demanded.

Hiccup shrugged and gave her a sheepish look. “I spent some time out in the Byzantine Empire, and I was kind of seeing this girl there for a while, and she um…she had an identical twin sister, and…”

“Oh gods, you didn’t.”

“I don’t know if I did or not,” Hiccup said, running a hand through his hair and wincing. “There was alcohol involved, and, and, there’s this stuff that they smoke out there. It’s, it’s _strong_ stuff, and I really don’t remember what happened to be honest. They were fighting, and I might have been revenge, I don’t know.” He sighed and shrugged. “I slept with one of them that night, but I honestly don’t know which one.”

Astrid laughed humorlessly and shook her head at her knees. “Gods. How the hel did you of all people turn into a world-traveling womanizer. Why did you lie to me?”

Hiccup was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. I knew you were gonna judge me for what I said, and I…I cared what you thought. I’d never been ashamed of all of that before, but I cared about what you would think about me.” He sighed deeply. “I didn’t want you to see me as a world-traveling womanizer.”

Astrid kicked her feet idly in the water. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth sooner?”

“I didn’t know how. There was never really a right time. Are you mad?”

She stared at her legs for a long moment.

“Why did you do it? Not the lie, the…the everything you lied about.”

Hiccup sat down next to her. “I spent most of my life being ignored,” he began. “Nobody ever thought I was interesting, or funny, or attractive.” _I thought you were all of those things_ , Astrid thought, but let him talk. “And then I hit a growth spurt and my hair got longer and suddenly when girls met me they thought I was those things. It was nice to get the attention.” He shrugged. “It was a nice distraction. It was easy. Drink myself into oblivion and find a girl to spend the night with. It was easier than thinking about some of the shit I’d seen.”

They were quiet for a long moment before Hiccup nudged her hand with his own and asked, “Are you mad at me?”

Astrid sighed and shook her head. “Not really. I mean, it’s not like I thought you were a virgin. You’ve just…you’ve just been seen naked by more girls than I thought you had.”

He squeezed her hand. “If it counts for anything, out of all the girls who have ever seen me naked, you’re definitely my favorite.” He kissed her cheek and Astrid rolled her eyes.

“I’m probably also the only one who didn’t want to see you naked.” Hiccup laughed as he stood up, and Astrid trained her eyes on her own lap as she waited for the rustle of fabric to stop.

“And I’m sure you’ve been traumatized forever by what you saw.”

 There was a splash, and Astrid set her jaw and stared in the opposite direction.

Something brushed Astrid’s foot and she jumped. She cast her eyes to the ceiling and kept them there, resolutely ignoring Hiccup’s attempts to get her to pay attention to him. Finally he grabbed her knees and yanked her towards the water. Astrid screamed and grabbed the edge of the rock. Hiccup let go of her legs and fell backwards into the water, laughing. She glared at him, and his wet hair and his cocky smile and his wet shoulders. The water came up to the middle of his chest, and because of the bubbles and the steam rising off the water she couldn’t clearly see his body below the surface. She wasn’t sure if she was thankful or disappointed. It made her blush all the same.

Hiccup ducked under the water and swam towards her. He surfaced, just his eyes and nose above the water, and he watched her with a mischievous glint in those eyes. He popped up long enough to squirt a mouthful of water at her.

Astrid squealed. “Hiccup!” she shrieked, laughing as Hiccup disappeared under the water again. He was grinning at her when he reappeared on the other side of the pool. Astrid threw the bar of soap at him. “You’re gonna get me all wet. _Don’t_.”  Hiccup shut his half open mouth and swam up beside her.

“Fine. Killjoy.” He splashed at her legs and she kicked back, giggling.

“You’ve been a lot more playful lately,” she said, smiling at him. “How are you feeling?”

Hiccup nodded and lathered the soap. “I feel good,” he said, shooting her a smile. “I mean, actually good. Not just, ‘not feeling like I’m dying’.” He paused, looking down at the soap in his hands. “This morning was a little rough. I think Toothless sensed it and that’s why he wouldn’t let me land. But it was good. I haven’t flown as much lately and I needed it.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “It felt good to be out there again. It felt better than it has in a long time.”

Astrid reached out and ruffled his wet hair. “I’m glad to see you feeling better. You’ve been more like yourself. More like I remember you.”

His smile faded and he turned the soap over in his hands. “I feel more like myself. My head feels clearer. I don’t know, I didn’t even realize just how bad things had gotten. But I feel good now. I mean I’ve felt like shit for the past couple of weeks, but now, I don’t know.” He shrugged and shot her a self-conscious smile. “I just feel better.” Astrid returned his smile.

“I’m proud of you, you know,” she said, her voice soft. Hiccup’s smile widened and he avoided her gaze as he started lathering soap and pushing it through his hair. She had a sudden thought and cleared her throat to catch his attention. “Here,” she said, scooting closer to the edge of the water and leaning over to take the soap from his hands. “Let me.”

Hiccup blinked at her, his lips parted in a soft expression of surprise. “You’ll get your skirt wet,” he said, his voice low and tentative, like he wanted to say something else.

Astrid shrugged, her eyes locked on his. “I don’t care. It needs washing anyway.” She pulled her skirt up above her knees and tucked it around and under her legs and Hiccup turned his back to her, resting against the side of the pool and between her legs. She lathered the soap in her hands and pushed her fingers through his thick hair, her nails scratching lightly at his scalp. He hummed and his head lolled back, his eyes closed and a soft smile on his face. His hair was soft and silky and longer than it looked. She combed her fingers through it thoroughly, luxuriating in the softness and the small smile on Hiccup’s lips. She massaged his scalp and watched as the tension left his shoulders and he relaxed against her, his arms rising to rest over her thighs. He tickled the inside of her knee and she tugged gently on a strand of hair in retaliation.

When she’d finished lathering his hair with soap she paused, not quite sure how to go about rinsing it. Ideally, this sort of thing was meant to be done in a basin, but she hadn’t thought through how she was supposed to do it here. The thought had come to her that it might be a sweet gesture; a way to show him what he was coming to mean to her. Sensing her hesitation Hiccup pushed away from her and slipped under the water for a moment, then came up shaking his head like a dog, slinging water all over her and completely ruining the moment.

She laughed, shielding her face and slapping blindly at Hiccup’s shoulders. When he stopped she fixed him with a look. “Do you have to ruin everything?” she asked, her stern look tainted by a smile.

Hiccup gave her a cheeky grin. “Of course I do, milady. Ruining everything is what I’m best at.” He meant it as a joke, but that self-depreciating tone was accompanied by a sad slant to his eyes and it squeezed at her heart. She smiled and took his face in her hands, pulling him towards her as she leaned down to meet him.

“You don’t ruin everything,” she whispered, and caught the change in his expression just before she kissed him. It was an awkward angle, but Hiccup pushed himself up on his elbows so that she didn’t have to bend over quite so far. Her hands slid to his neck and she traced her thumbs along his jawline, over rough stubble a few days too long. He hummed against her mouth and pulled away, sinking down in the water for a moment as he ran his hands up and down her calves, from her ankles to her knees and back, and then up along her thighs. He settled onto his elbows and reached up to kiss her again.

He kissed her slowly but deeply; his tongue a lazy explorer in her mouth. Astrid sighed, feeling warm and cozy and utterly content. Her feet grazed the sides of his waist, her toes dragging along the ridges of his ribcage. He smelled earthy; like one always did after bathing in the mineral-rich springs, but with the sharp bite of the lye soap still clinging to his hair. His hands crept around her back and pulled her closer to him, so that she was sitting on the very edge of the pool, her skirt pushed high around her thighs.

Hiccup broke away from her lips to kiss down her throat and began to suckle at her collarbone. Her eyes fluttered closed. Astrid felt warm all over; warm from his mouth nipping and licking, warm from his hands grazing the sides of her thighs, daring higher and firmer with each stroke. She liked being skin to skin with him. The feeling of his warm arms against her legs combined with the thick hot air made her feel lethargic and happy.

Hiccup’s hands slid higher, his fingers finally slipping under her skirt and sliding up to grip her hips. His thumbs teased at her hipbones, and that cozy warmth began to morph into a buzzing heat. His hands traced the shape of her hips again and he froze, his mouth stilling against her  chest. He drew back and she blinked her eyes open to look down at him.

“You’re not wearing anything under this skirt, are you?” he asked, his voice low.

The corners of her mouth curled. “No, I’m not,” she said, like an invitation, like a dare. She watched Hiccup’s adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. His thumb dipped into the crease of her thigh at her hip, right where the fabric of her underwear should be.

“You know, Astrid,” he began, his eyes dark and never leaving hers, “You’ve done so much for me lately. You’ve helped me so much.” His thumb brushed so lightly over the skin of her thigh that it made her shiver all over. His voice was husky when he spoke next. “I wish you’d let me do something for you.”

That buzzing heat seemed to bloom through her whole body, stirring a broiling fire in the base of her stomach. She found herself nodding, found herself leaning back, hands supporting her, legs widening.

Beneath her skirt Hiccup’s hand shifted, sliding over her leg, his fingers trailing through coarse curls. “Just tell me when to stop,” he said, his eyes still locked onto hers, and Astrid nodded again. His fingers slid through the curls between her legs before withdrawing to tease up the side of her inner thigh, and Astrid’s hand squeezed into a fist. The anticipation set her on edge; his light touches sparked fire between her legs and she wished he’d just _touch_ her already.

His fingers teased her thigh again, and just as she was about to tell him to get on with it, his finger brushed her and she gasped. Her breath left her and refused to come back as he slid a finger through her folds. His thumb found that sensitive nub and she choked on her next inhale, her eyes sliding closed. He stroked her again, thumb still pressing hard, before a warm digit was slipping inside of her.

Astrid shuddered, her whole body beginning to tremble with the nerves and the sensation. His fingers were slow and gentle; applying enough pressure to have her toes curling but his motions were still lazy enough to keep her wanting.

He kissed the side of her knee, and then the side of her thigh, stubble scratching at her skin, and Astrid managed to drag her eyelids up long enough to look at him.

His eyes were nearly black. The low light gleamed off his wet skin and cast dark shadows that heightened the relief of his muscles. Astrid had another one of those moments where she wondered how the hel that scrawny boy from the forge had ended up looking like this. Hiccup kissed her thigh, much further up this time, and his tongue darted out to taste her skin just as a second finger joined the first and pressed deeper inside her. Her whole body shook. He kissed her again, and when she caught sight of his tongue glancing across the skin of her thigh her hips bucked into his hand. That tongue; gods, she wanted that tongue.

“Astrid?” Hiccup’s voice was gravelly and strained and Astrid didn’t bother letting him ask the rest of his question. She nodded, her eyes closing and her head falling back as she pushed her hips closer. His fingers curled and her elbows buckled and she lowered her back down to the stone floor. Hiccup’s free hand began pushing her skirt up as his kisses moved slowly higher up her inner thigh.

His hand withdrew and Astrid’s eyes blinked open to stare at the distant ceiling. Her heart was pounding and every part of her seemed to quiver. This was going to happen. He was going to do this, she wanted him to. Her fingers tapped nervously on the floor while she waited. Hiccup was still kissing his way up her inner thigh, the inches left to span felt like miles. His hands curled around the backs of her legs and hooked them over his shoulders. This was going to kill her. The longer he waited the more nervous she felt. Should she feel self-conscious about this? About him seeing everything? Was she supposed to do anything? Or just…let him do his thing down there. Maybe she should—

He pressed a hard kiss squarely to her center and her thoughts flew from her and a sharp gasp tore from her throat. Hiccup paused, giving her a moment to recover, though his hot breath against her most sensitive parts did little to ease the burn that itched under her skin. He licked her and she shuddered, her legs twitching in his grasp and her hands starting a futile scrabble against the stone for something to hold onto. She whimpered; his long, slow licks were simultaneously too much and not enough. His grip on her legs tightened, holding her hips still as he pressed his mouth against her entrance and thrust his tongue inside her.

She cried out and her back arched, the heat and texture of his tongue torturously wonderful. Her thoughts stuttered and stumbled over each other. The twisting motions of his tongue had her rocking her hips into him one moment and writhing away from him the next. She wanted more. It was too much; she wanted him to stop right…never. Never wanted this to stop. The more she squirmed the more tightly he held her, the more pressure he put into his ministrations.

Her head tossed this way and that as she gasped for air; her hair would be horribly tangled by the time this was over but she didn’t care. Her hand found purchase on Hiccup’s shoulder, her nails digging into his flesh and pulling him closer. She didn’t realize one of his hands had let go of her hip until his thumb found her pearl.

“Hiccup!” She yanked at his shoulder and he hummed a low moan that vibrated against her. It was all too much. Everything tightened and swelled, and she whimpered his name again just before it crashed. She sobbed, everything going black and white and hot and cold and tight and loose all in one terrible, wonderful moment.

She went limp, her legs slid off Hiccup’s shoulders and into the water with a soft splash. The rest of the world filtered back into her awareness, and she heard Hiccup panting as hard as she was as he wiped his mouth on her skirt. Definitely would need to wash it, now. He pulled himself up enough to rest his head against her stomach, his arms curling under her back.

“Do you wanna keep going?” he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

Did she wanna keep—but she’d already—oh. Her chest tightened as her fuzzy brain registered what he was asking.

“No,” she said, without even having to think about it. She was still surprised at herself for what she’d just allowed him to do, but even despite what they had just done she felt a flicker of fear replace the sated warmth in her belly at the thought of letting him take her.

This had felt like…a gift. An offering, an act of worship. Something he gave without asking for anything in return. But giving all of herself to him...that still felt like a level of vulnerability she didn’t think she could handle yet. And besides, now probably wasn’t a good time anyway.

She thought about the herbs still growing in a cave a few stories up. She thought about checking on them later today, making sure they were still growing strong.

At first tending them had been something to do, even if Hiccup had no use for them. And she’d thought that at the very least she could consider it taking care of whatever poor girls fell for his charm.

Eight girls.

Eight girls who had been with him like that before her, and who knew how many more who had experienced what she just had. And still he claimed none of them had every meant anything to him.

“Why do you wanna be with me so much?” she asked, fingers trailing across his shoulder blades.

Hiccup chuckled and pressed a kiss against her stomach. “Have you met you? Have you _seen_ you?”

“Hiccup…” Astrid sighed. " _Other_ than the way I look, why do you want me so much?" She combed her fingers through his hair. "You're used to...casual liaisons. Whatever we have, I don't want it to be casual." Astrid frowned up at the rocky ceiling. "We're beyond this being casual. I've never been with anyone like that before; it won't be casual for me. It'll mean something. I want to know it'll mean something to you too." Hiccup's head shifted on her stomach and she knew he was looking at her.  "It's a big step."

Hiccup kissed her stomach again, making her shiver. "Today was a big step," he reminded her quietly, and Astrid nodded.

"Don't make me regret it." Hiccup's hand trailed light strokes up and down the side of her stomach. "I'm not another notch on your bedpost."

She heard Hiccup sigh, and then splashing as he pulled himself up and out of the water, crawling up her body to hover over her. His face filled her vision and she was struck by how intensely he was looking at her. His hands cradled her face and he bent down to kiss her forehead and then each cheek. He brushed her bangs back from her face and whispered, "Astrid, I think I'm in love with you." 

Astrid squeezed her eyes shut and turned away, hands pushing lightly at Hiccup's chest. "Hiccup, don't," she whispered, shaking her head. She gave him an imploring look. "Don't say that now, not like this."

Hiccup frowned. "Why?"

Astrid sighed, a hint of exasperation in her expression as she frowned up at him. "Because even if you mean it you sound like you're just saying it to get me to sleep with you. If you really do love me then find a better time and place to say it."  

"Fair enough, I guess," Hiccup said, nodding. Then he flashed her a smile. "But I do mean it." He kissed the side of her mouth. "I really do think I love you."

Astrid rolled her eyes and tucked a lock of hair behind Hiccup's ear. "You _think_ you love me? How reassuring," she half-teased, not quite meeting Hiccup's eyes. 

"Astrid," Hiccup murmured, words and lips soft against her ear. "You don't have to believe it now but I'm saying it now anyway: I love you." He analyzed her face. "Why does that scare you?"

Astrid sighed and pushed him off of her. She sat up, carefully avoiding looking down the naked expanse of his body. Hiccup rolled to the side and Astrid tossed a towel over him and the parts she was still too shy to look at. 

"My parents always claimed to love me. Still didn't stop them giving me up." Astrid pulled her hair over her shoulder and began trying to comb through the mess. "They were more afraid of what would happen if they didn't. Love is supposed to be this great powerful thing that's stronger than anything but it wasn't stronger than their fear." Her hair was hopelessly tangled and her fingers snagged and caught and soon she was nearly yanking her hair out just trying to free her hands. 

"Here, let me help." She looked to Hiccup, who had picked up her comb. Astrid shifted, pulling her legs out of the water and turning her back to him. Hiccup swept the mass of wet curls over her shoulder and began pulling the comb carefully through the very ends. "You're still angry at your parents, huh?"

Astrid shrugged. "I don't know if I'm angry, I'm just...sad? I guess? I don't know." She heaved a deep sigh. "I just don't know. It's just...it's a huge thing to get past. And I'm shoving all my trust issues off on you, which isn't fair, but I can't help how I'm feeling."

Hiccup stopped combing. "Hey," he said, voice firm but gentle, "You don't have to apologize to me for anything. After what they did to you, of course your head's gonna be messed up. Of course your _heart_ is gonna be messed up. And we both know I did some things that didn’t help." His hand brushed against her back as he pulled more hair towards him and Astrid shivered. "I want you to trust me, I want you to feel safe, and yes, selfishly, I want you to like me as much as I like you." He moved her hair to the side and kissed the back of her neck. "But I don't expect anything from you, Astrid." He'd freed all the tangles up to the base of her neck, and it sent a tremor down her spine when she felt the comb scratching against her scalp. "I don't want you to feel pressured. I don't want you to feel like you have to give me anything. Not your trust, not your body, not your heart." The comb slid smoothly from the top of her head all the way the ends of her hair. 

Astrid turned to look at him and Hiccup set down the comb. She scooted forwards, just enough to sit almost at his side and leaned in to give him a brief kiss. Her heart pounded in her chest as she whispered, “Thank you.” Hiccup nodded, his hand rising to slide into her hair as he pulled her in for another kiss, longer this time. Astrid broke away sooner than he would have liked and he whined. She traced the line of his jaw, then down his neck and along his shoulder. “I’m not ready to give you everything,” Astrid said, whispering to hide the nervous tremble in her voice. Her hand continued down his chest, over the smooth muscles of his stomach, and further down. “But,” she continued as her hand slipped under the towel on his lap, “I’m ready to give you more.”

Hiccup’s whole chest shuddered as he expelled a shaky breath, his eyelids fluttering and his pupils dilating as she closed her hand around him. “Astrid,” he breathed, half a question and half an oath. She stroked him once, experimentally, then again, watching his reactions.

“Is that good? I don’t really know what I’m doing,” she said shyly, squeezing harder to see how he’d react. That drew a short groan from the back of his throat, and Hiccup nodded, his eyes falling shut.

“Yeah,” he managed, his voice strangled. “Yeah, that’s, that’s—here.” His hand slid under the towel and closed over hers, adjusting her grip and pumping a little faster. “Like that.” Astrid copied his movements, and after a moment of guiding her motions his hand fell away. She stroked harder, and brushed her thumb over the tip, dragging a low moan from Hiccup’s throat. His head fell back and he moaned again when she repeated the motion. He grew hotter and harder in the palm of her hand and it made her curious. It made her wonder how _this_ would feel buried inside her…

“Oh gods,” he said, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. “Gods, I have been dreaming of this.”

Astrid smirked and leaned forward to draw her tongue lazily up the side of his neck, earning her a shiver. “I know,” she murmured, and that seemed to force all the air from Hiccup’s lungs. He looked at her with wide eyes, still panting. Astrid bit her lip. “I saw you.” His eyes widened further and since her admission seemed to have him twitching in her hand she decided it couldn’t hurt to tell him the rest of it. “I watched you.”

Hiccup bucked into her hand. “Gods,” he gasped. “And— _oh_ , and—did, did you—?”

She nodded and Hiccup groaned, his chin dropping against his chest. One of his hands tangled in her hair again and dragged her to his lips. It was a messy, distracted kiss, but it sent sparks crackling along the surface of her skin all the same. “A bit— _ah_ —a bit faster,” Hiccup whispered, and she obliged him. Soon his hips were bucking into her hand and he was gasping and moaning into her mouth. His hand fisted in her hair and he broke the kiss. “Astrid,” he managed, “Astrid, _oh_.” He threw his head back, his grunts growing louder and louder until he broke; a spasm wracked his whole body and her name tumbled from his lips.

Astrid pulled her hand away and rinsed it in the spring. Hiccup’s eyes were still closed, his chest heaving, a thin sheen of sweat on his skin. She gently untangled his limp fingers from their place in her hair.

“You tangled my hair again,” she told him, small smile playing on her lips.

“Sorry,” Hiccup mumbled, his eyes opening. He looked more relaxed than she’d seen him in days, and that dopey smile on his face was nothing short of adorable. He looked at the towel on his lap. “Shit.” He frowned. “I only brought one towel.”

Astrid laughed and got to her feet. “I’ll bring you another one.”

“Hey, don’t laugh at me, this is your fault.”

“That’s what you get for messing up my hair.”

Xx

Hiccup was something else entirely when he was in the air.

Astrid watched him from Stormfly’s back, taking things a bit slower as she and the dragon both adjusted to the newly-finished saddle. Above her head Hiccup and Toothless soared through the sky in the midst of their usual midair acrobatics. They dove past her and Stormfly, only to pull back up in a graceful loop. Hiccup looked more at peace than she had seen him in weeks; his head was thrown back, eyes closed and face towards the sun, a soft smile playing on his lips. Toothless twisted into a corkscrew dive, and Hiccup whooped as they shot downwards and then disappeared among the sea stacks below.

She and Stormfly followed, and she watched from above as boy and dragon wound through the labyrinth of rock columns at breakneck speed. It was amazing to watch, and all the more impressive knowing that effortless-looking maneuverability was the result of Hiccup and Toothless working together and constantly reading each other’s movements, second by second. They were one being when they flew.

She had always known Hiccup was smart. Even when he’d invented something that filled the forge with smoke, or misfired and broke one of Gothi’s shutters clean off. He was the only one on Berk who even _tried_ to make the things he created. But on Toothless, one could see his true genius in action. From the prosthetic tailfin and rig he’d designed and made himself, to the instinctive way he knew how and when to push the pedals to put the fin in the correct position for each sudden twist or dive Toothless decided on.

They excited the maze of sea stacks and winged their way upwards. When they were close Toothless’s wings pumped powerfully, and they shot by her, cutting it so close that she and Stormfly nearly had to dodge out of the way, only to be buffeted by the downdraft. When Astrid managed to push her hair out of her face she saw Hiccup looking back at her and laughing.

He and Toothless disappeared into the clouds and she and Stormfly gave chase, intent on paying them back their teasing.

Astrid had spent so long thinking about Hiccup in terms of that boy in the forge and whether or not he was still in there, and how much of him still remained in who Hiccup was now. It was time to stop thinking of him that way. It had been four years and so much had changed. There was so much more to him than she had initially understood, both good and bad. Compassion and cruelty, hope and pain, and she’d take it all.

The boy in the forge had caught her attention.

But it was the boy on the dragon with whom she’d fallen in love.


	16. Allegiance Won, Innocence Lost pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter isn't up to snuff it's because I wrote most of it and edited all of it in between terrible coughing fits. This virus sucks. It's also the reason this chapter is late. Sorry m'dears.
> 
> I also want to point out that in the HTTYD books Hiccup’s birthday is February 29th. I didn’t pull that out of thin air. Yes, Vikings didn’t actually use the Gregorian (Western) Calendar. But they also didn’t actually wear those hats. HTTYD is a bit charmingly anachronistic, let’s all just go with it.

_Upon his entry to the Underworld, the messenger Hermes was amazed at what he found. Instead of finding a frail and fearful Persephone, he found a radiant and striking Queen of the Dead. –The Myth of Persephone_

“Happy Birthday to you!”

“Please don’t.”

“Happy Birthday to yooou!”

“Astrid please.”

“Happy Birthday, dear Hiccuuuup!”

“AAAROOOOOWWWW.”

“And you got him in on it.”

“Happy Birthdaaaaaaay--”

“This is torture.”

“Toooooo--”

“Please stop.”

“Yooooooouuuu!”

“ROOOOOOOOOOO!”

“RAWK!”

“Oh gods.”

Astrid laughed as she set the cake down in front of Hiccup. It was nothing special; just a simple basic sweet cake made with what little ingredients she had available, but it was something, and Hiccup’s face had lit up in surprise when he’d seen it. He was shaking his head now, face buried in his hands, but he peeked through his fingers at her when she set a fork in front of him and started cutting him a piece.

“You didn’t have to do this,” he said. “And I mean all of this, not just the terrible singing. Because you really, really didn’t have to do that.” Astrid rolled her eyes and tugged at one of the little braids she had taken to weaving in his hair. Hiccup complained endlessly about them, but never took them out, which was enough encouragement for her to keep putting them there.

“It’s your birthday, of course I did. And it’s _actually_ your birthday, so I _really_ did.” She kissed his cheek. “Happy fifth birthday.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “Ha ha ha, I’m younger than I actually am because I was born on Leap Day and my actual birthdate only comes once every four years. _Never_ heard that one before.”

Astrid giggled and kissed the top of his head. “Fine. Happy twentieth. Now shut up and eat your cake. I used up the last of our eggs making this. We’ll have to get more soon.” Hiccup shook his head over a fond smile and dug in, humming when he tasted the cake. “Good?” He nodded.

Astrid stroked absently at Stormfly’s horn as she walked around the table and the dragon went to join Toothless at the fish well. She was having to pay extra attention to her Nadder lately. It was natural and inevitable but her hatchlings flying off seemed to have taken its toll on her nonetheless.

They all missed the babies’ playfulness, though not necessarily their presence. When they’d been newborn hatchlings they were easy enough to house, but by the time they left they had nearly reached Astrid’s shoulder and were starting to take up more room than was comfortable. Toothless still reigned supreme and as such was the only dragon who regularly slept in the same room as she and Hiccup, with Stormfly and her babies appropriating the large entrance cave as their nest. That hadn’t stopped the babies from climbing all over Toothless, and occasionally, Hiccup and Astrid, to wake them up.

Astrid sat down opposite Hiccup and watched him eat. She still wasn’t much of a cook, but Hiccup was the sort who almost had to be reminded to eat at all, and since his idea of feeding himself was grabbing whatever substance he desperately needed in between working on something else, he was usually happy with whatever simple meals she was capable of making him. She waited until his mouth was stuffed with a particularly large bite of cake before taking a deep breath and speaking.

“I love you.”

Hiccup stopped, his chewing ceasing and his eyes going wide and snapping to her. Astrid gave him a shy smile and shrugged, sweeping her bangs out of her eyes. “And yes, I did wait until your mouth was full to say that.” She looked at him seriously. “I don’t want you to say anything. I don’t want you to comment on it, or say it back. I just wanted to say it. I love you.” Her smile spread across her face. “Four months ago I never dreamed I’d be saying that to you. Or anyone ever again, really. But you’ve changed. We both have. And you…when you’re yourself you’re the most wonderful, caring person. And I’ve never met anyone like you. So yeah.” She shrugged again and felt her cheeks prickle with heat. “I love you.”

Hiccup blinked at her, then resumed his chewing. He swallowed and reached for his cup of water. He drank and sat the cup back down, all the while wearing the same neutral, indifferent expression.

She’d told him not to say anything but his silence was proving to be much more nerve-wracking than she’d anticipated. Hiccup got up from his seat, walked around the table to her, took her face in his hands and kissed her soundly. When her eyes fluttered open he was looking at her with so much affection she felt like her heart was going to burst out of chest. “I’m not going to say it back because you specifically told me not to,” he said, his eyes radiating happiness. “But you should know that I really really want to.” Astrid couldn’t help the grin that spread across her lips, even as he kissed her again. His arms slid under her legs and around her back and she giggled into his mouth and wound her arms around his neck as he scooped her out of her chair.

“What about cake?” she mumbled between kisses as he carried her out of the room.

“Cake really isn’t what I want to eat right now,” he said, his voice low and husky. It sent a shiver down her spine.

“Hiccup,” she protested lightly, pulling away from his lips. “It’s _your_ birthday. At the very least you could let me try again at—”

“No thank you.”

“Oh come on, was I really that bad?”

“You bit me!”

“I didn’t mean to! I just wasn’t expecting it to…twitch like that.”

“You still bit me.”

“So what, you don’t _ever_ want me to try that again?”

“Babe, I would love for you to try that again. But not on my birthday. Maybe some other time. Like when we’re old and all your teeth have fallen out.”

“I’m sorry!”

Xx

“Hey, what are you doing in here?”

Astrid froze, her hand around a jar on the shelf above her.

She spun around to see a large man standing in the doorway of the storeroom, a sword in one hand. Astrid let go of the jar and quickly shifted her bag underneath her cloak, hoping to hide just how much she’d stolen.

“I, I was just, um, making sure no dragons had gotten in?”

The man frowned at her. “Aye and I’ll bet you were just taking those beans for safekeeping so the dragons couldn’t get them, eh?”

Astrid swallowed. Her eyes darted around the small space. She had her back to the shelves, there were a few barrels lined up along the other two walls, and the large man completely blocked the small doorway. The room itself was so small she’d have a hard time getting around him to the door. “I s-saw that Night Fury out there, and I thought, well, it’d be bad if he set fire to the Hall and all the food in here got burned up. I mean it’s got to last until the spring harvests start.”

The man’s eyes narrowed under bushy brown eyebrows. “That they do, which is why we don’t need anyone stealing what little we do have. There’s plenty to go around, so it’s not like there’s much need for you to be stealing anyway, come on.” He crossed the space between them in a few short steps and grabbed her hand, yanking her towards the door, where the light from the room outside shone in and illuminated her face. The man blinked. “Hold on,” he said, his thick eyebrows knitting closer together. “Who are you? I haven’t seen you around the village. Whose daughter are you?”

Astrid’s chest tightened with panic. “I’m—I’m not from here. I came on one of the trade ships.”

She watched the man’s mouth twist under his frizzy mustache. “We haven’t had any trade ships come through in weeks; there’s still been too much ice in our port.”

Astrid nodded, her free hand sliding to the side of her belt just in case. “I’ve been stranded here a while, that’s the only reason I was taking food. I’m sorry, I really am.”

The man’s frown grew. “I don’t recall any passengers on the trade ships we had this winter.” He pulled her closer. “Who are you really?”

Astrid tried to work her hand free from his grip. “I’m no one. Just a stowaway on a trade ship, trying to get by. Please, let me go, I’ll give back everything I took.”

The man straightened up and sniffed. “Something’s fishy about your story, girl. I’m taking you to the chief.”

So much for subtlety.

Astrid pulled her knife out of her cloak and slashed across the top of the man’s arm. It was a shallow wound, not dangerous, but it was a shock and enough to get him to let her go. Astrid ducked under his arm and dashed out the door into the hall beyond. She didn’t bother trying to sneak through the back hallway as she had before; it was a straight shot through the main gathering hall to the front door.

“Get her! Grab that girl, don’t let her get away!” There were a few other men and women in the room, some holding weapons, some using buckets of water to douse the walls in case of dragonfire, who all looked up as Astrid came barreling through the middle of the hall, followed by the shouting of the man in the storeroom. Upon seeing him in the doorway, blood gushing from the cut on his arm, the other Vikings dropped what they were doing and grabbed their weapons.

Astrid skid to a halt in the middle of the hall, two Vikings having blocked the exit. There were six of them altogether, including the one who’d caught her in the storeroom, all armed and advancing. Not terrible odds if she had an axe or a sword, but she had only her little knife, and her cloak was weighing her down.

“Drop the weapon, girl,” said a woman a few years older than her. “We’ve got you surrounded. Just surrender and come with us and we’ll sort everything out.”

Astrid tightened her grip on her knife. Her eyes darted around the room, taking in every detail that could help her formulate an escape route. Six Vikings, one injured and trying to hold his sword with his left hand, not doing well at it, the woman with the sword by his side. Two blocking the door, one with a spear too long to be useful in close range combat, one with a warhammer that’d be fatal if he hit her with it, so he’d focus on using the handle against her if it came to it. To the right were a couple of men who looked to be brothers, judging by the similarity in their appearances, both wielding axes. They were standing too close together.

“What’s it gonna be, girl?” The hand holding her knife dropped, and she stashed it in its sheath on her belt as the injured man and the woman advanced. Astrid reached into one of the pockets of her cloak.

“I’m sorry.” Before the Vikings had time to question her word choice Astrid had pulled a jar of oil from inside her cloak and smashed it on the ground at their feet. The man’s foot slipped on the oil-slick stone and he went down, taking the woman down with him. Astrid turned, whipping her cloak off her shoulders and throwing it over the heads of the two brothers. While they fought to untangle themselves Astrid dove under their feet, sliding between them and under the table behind them. She somersaulted to her feet and was off down the hallways she’d come by the time they were all on their feet again. She turned down hallway after hallway, trying to remember the way out, the sound of angry Vikings following her. She stopped next to a small closet and peered at the room she could glimpse around the next corner. The kitchens. Perfect. She reached into the bag at her side and pulled out a ceramic jar of flour. She aimed for the pile of plates sitting on a table and hurled the jar at it. While the crashing and clattering of hundreds of metal and ceramic plates echoed through the hallways Astrid slipped into the small closet and waited.

“The kitchens! This way!” She watched through a small crack in the door as five of the Vikings rushed by. She waited, breathing as quietly as she could and holding her knife ready just in case as she heard the injured one stomping through the hallway, muttering about getting blood all over his favorite vest. He passed by the little closet and paused. Astrid held her breath as he turned and frowned at the door.

He approached, quiet, and Astrid glimpsed a smile growing underneath his bushy mustache and he leaned close to the door. Astrid braced herself against the shelf at her back as the handle turned.

“Gotcha.” The handle turned, and Astrid kicked, both feet slamming into the door and smashing it into the man’s face. He yowled and grasped at his nose as Astrid bolted out the door and down the hallway, the same direction she’d come. The Great Hall was empty now, and she scooped up her cloak on the way to the door. They didn’t even bother to leave someone behind to guard the door, she wondered, pushing the wooden doors open. Well, what could you expect from a tribe called the Meatheads.

She didn’t bother to worry about being seen as she dashed through the village. Her cloak was torn down the middle from someone’s axe and soaked with milk and eggs and little pieces of smashed jars. She had to find Hiccup, or Stormfly, one or the other, but as she looked to the sky she saw no sign of either of them.

“Get her!” She looked back and saw the woman from the Great Hall pointing at her and shouting.  “That blonde girl, grab her!”

Astrid made a sharp turn between two houses and emerged into an unfamiliar street. She knew the general direction of the beach, where she was to meet Hiccup after everything, but not exactly how to get there from here.

“There! That’s her, get her!”

Astrid didn’t waste time looking back anymore. She ran down the boarded streets towards the port, shouting following her. There was a voice nearby and something grabbed her shoulders. Astrid screamed, expecting to be pulled around and face some huge hulking Viking, only to watch in fascinated horror as she kept rising and rising, the world below her growing smaller. She looked up to see black scales and her scream died in her throat. Toothless looked down at her and warbled.  Astrid laughed in relief and stroked at the claws wrapped around her arms.

“Are you okay?” Hiccup’s worried face appeared over the side of Toothless’s head and Astrid nodded.

“I’m fine, but uh,” she glanced down at the sea far below them. “I don’t exactly want to fly the whole way home like this!” Hiccup reached down and Astrid took his hand. Toothless tilted his wing downward to make it easier for Hiccup to haul her onto the saddle. “I lost some things along the way, sorry,” she said as she settled in front of him. “I think I lost most of the eggs and the mi-mm!” She was cut off abruptly as Hiccup turned her head and kissed her, briefly but deeply.

“Are you alright?” he murmured against her cheekbone as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “I saw them all chasing you and—are you bleeding?” His hand clutched at her wrist and yanked back her blood-splattered sleeve. She shook her head.

“It’s not my blood. I’m fine, seriously.” Hiccup released her with a relieved sigh in her ear. Astrid glanced over her shoulder at him, and then past him to the glowing village shrinking into the distance. She could see the dark shapes of dragons leaving it behind. Her eyes shifted back to Hiccup. She frowned. “Are _you_ okay?”

He nodded, eyes sliding shut and head falling to her shoulder. “You just had me worried,” he said, his voice muffled by the fabric of her shirt. He shifted and pressed a kiss against her neck before raising his head to look at her. “You were taking a while, and then I saw you being chased…” he shrugged. “It was a close call. I just got scared.”

Astrid gave him a soft smile. “You know I can take of myself, right?”

Hiccup grinned and pulled her closer, his warm arms comforting against the cold night air. “Of course I do. I can’t help worrying anyway.” He kissed her ear and whispered, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Astrid snuggled into his embrace and said nothing, leaving her thoughts to swirl like a maelstrom in her head.

Xx

“Hey Astrid.” Astrid startled and nearly spilled her tea down the front of her shirt. She spun around to smile widely at Hiccup, who had just sauntered through the doorway of the kitchen.

“Hiccup! Hi, Hiccup! You’re, uh, you’re back early.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Yeah, I was testing something new on the tail rig, but it started messing up so we had to come back early. Are you drinking tea? Can I have some?”

Astrid shoved the kettle behind her back. “I just made enough for me, sorry.” Hiccup took a step toward her, frowning.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded. “I’m fine.” She took a sip of her tea and immediately cringed at the bitter taste. Hiccup stepped closer.

“What are you drinking?” he asked, peering into her mug. Astrid was about to answer when his eyes slid over her shoulder to the small pile of herbs on the table behind her. “What are those?”

Astrid shrugged, trying for nonchalance even though internally she was panicking. “Oh, well, I was just feeling some sniffles coming on, so I decided to make some tea to ward them off, that’s all.”

“Oh.” Hiccup kept frowning at the herbs on the table. “Hey Astrid?” he asked after a moment, and she hummed into her tea. “Aren’t those the herbs you said were for—”

“Nope.”

Astrid bit her tongue and ignored Hiccup’s skeptical frown.

“Really, because I’m pretty sure those were the ones you said were for—”

“They have a lot of uses.”

“Yeah, but in that combination wouldn’t that be—”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Astrid.” She continued to ignore him, just like she ignored the bitter burn of the tea as she drained her cup. “Astrid, is that what I think it is?”

Astrid sat her cup down and took a deep breath before she looked at Hiccup. She groaned and rolled her eyes. “Don’t give me that look.”

“What look?” Hiccup asked, following her as she carried the kettle to the stream and began to wash it out.

“That look,” Astrid bit out, scrubbing violently. “That big-eyed, hopeful look, like I’ve gotten all your hopes up.”

“How is this not supposed to get my hopes up?”

Astrid rolled her eyes and pushed Hiccup out of her way as she walked back to the table and began packing the leftover herbs back into the box with the rest of their medicinal herbs. (Honestly, she didn’t think she got nearly enough credit for how much organization she had brought to Hiccup’s life.) “Because.”

“Well that’s a thorough and easily understood answer.”

Astrid threw her hands in the air. “Because it’s going to happen someday,” she told the box of herbs. “We both know it’s going to happen someday. And I just want to be ready for when it does.” She turned to Hiccup and pointed a finger at his nose, her eyebrows drawn together in a look of warning. “What that _doesn’t_ mean is that it is definitely going to happen someday soon, which is why I don’t want you getting your hopes up.” She dropped her hand and looked at her boots. “That doesn’t mean it’s _not_ going to happen soon, either,” she muttered. She squared her shoulders and crossed her arms over her chest, still not looking at him. “It might be days from now, it might be months. I just want to be ready either way.” When she looked at Hiccup he was biting back a smile.

“You could have just told me that,” he said, and stole a brief kiss. “You didn’t have to be all secretive about it.” He walked to the alcove where they kept dried meats and fish.

Astrid leaned against the table behind her and watched Hiccup as he began filling his pockets with dried fish jerky treats for Toothless.

“I need to talk to you about something,” she said.

“Okay,” he said, sorting through their stores. “I could’ve sworn we had more of the dried cod in here—”

“I want my axe.”

Hiccup looked over his shoulder at her and raised an eyebrow. “You what?”

Astrid nodded, her arms crossed over her chest. “I want my axe. After what happened during that last raid and that time I got caught by Camicazi I think it’s best if I have a weapon with me. A real one. That knife is good for a lot of things but it wasn’t much help when I had six angry Vikings running after me.”

Hiccup straightened up with a deep breath and leaned against the wall nearest him. “Oh boy.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, one--” Astrid groaned, already knowing she wasn’t going to get the answer she wanted. “Would you just listen? One, there’s no way I can get your axe from Berk without it looking suspicious—”

“You could make me a new one—”

“Two,” Hiccup continued, raising his voice over her, “I can’t let you go carrying your axe on raids with you—”

“Why not?!” Astrid demanded, and Hiccup sighed.

“Because you have to look innocent,” he said, hands out in a pleading gesture that took her by surprise.

“I what?”

He shrugged. “I can’t let you go out there and do anything that makes you look culpable for your actions. You have to maintain the illusion of innocence.” He nodded at the ground. “If you got captured or something you have to be able to claim that I made you do everything. That I told you it’s what would keep your village safe. And if you start running into raids with an axe on your back no one is going to believe that.”

Astrid huffed. “If I’ve got an axe on my back no one is going to be able to capture me!”

“But you still won’t look innocent!” Hiccup pleaded, his eyes searching hers. “You have to be able to leave here and claim you were coerced into everything.”

Astrid threw her hands into the air. “Why would I wanna leave here?” She hadn’t really expected an answer, but Hiccup’s silence and refusal to meet her eye was more than answer enough. Her shoulders fell and she blinked at him. “Hiccup?” She approached him and put a hand on his shoulder and leaned down so he had to look at her. “Hiccup, you don’t seriously think I’m going to leave, do you?”

He still avoided looking at her. “I’m not ignoring the possibility it could happen.”

Astrid tipped his chin up, forcing him to look at her. “Hiccup, I love you, I’m not leaving.”

He gave her a bittersweet smile. “You say that now.” He pulled away, his eyes on the ground. “One day I’ll screw up, or you’ll decide that I’m not what you want me to be, and then you’ll want to leave, and I don’t want you to feel like you can’t.”

Astrid stared at him. “Is that really what you think is gonna happen?” she said quietly.

Hiccup cleared his throat. “It’s happened before.” He shrugged. “You’ve got your trust issues, I’ve got mine. I’ve got a lot of issues, and I’m not the easiest person to deal with sometimes, so I get it if you end up deciding you don’t want to deal with me anymore.”

They were both quiet for a long moment. Finally Astrid sighed. “Hiccup, does this have something to do with your dad?”

“No,” he said, in a way that obviously meant ‘yes’.

Astrid shook her head. “Hiccup, just tell me what this is all about, please?”

Hiccup bit his lip and avoided her gaze, and Astrid grabbed his arm and dragged him to sit down on the bench by the fire. She pinched his chin and made him look at her. “Start talking.”

Hiccup sighed and rolled his eyes but at last spoke. “Things were pretty good until I was ten.” He looked at his hands fidgeting in his lap. “And then I think he sort of gave up on me ever turning out all strong and buff and brave and ‘aarrgh kill all dragons!’.” Astrid bit back a snort, which brought the hint of a genuine smile to Hiccup’s face, though it quickly faded. “And I don’t know, it was like every year after that I could see him getting less interested and more disappointed in me. So I’m aware that one day you might realize that I’m not what you want me to be, and if that happens I want you to be able to leave.”

Astrid shook her head and reached for Hiccup’s hands, curling both of hers around one of his. “Hiccup, what’s brought this up all of a sudden?” Hiccup’s other hand wrapped around hers.

“It’s a long story; I’ll tell you some other time, it’s just…” She watched his mouth form a thin, squirming line. “There’s someone I haven’t heard from in a while, and I thought I would have heard something by now, you know, with Snoggletog passed, and my birthday passed.” He heaved a sigh. “I don’t know. It just got me thinking that maybe I don’t mean as much to her as I thought I did.”

Astrid’s eyes narrowed. “Her?”

To her surprise Hiccup laughed. “It’s not like that,” he said, jostling her shoulder, “I promise.” When Astrid continued to glare he leaned in and kissed her cheek. “It’s a long story that I am _not_ in the mood to cry over today, but I’ll tell you all about it sometime.”

“Someone you met on your travels or something?”

Hiccup nodded. “Or something.” His eyes dropped to their clasped hands. Astrid gave them a reassuring squeeze.

“I mean it, Hiccup. If I was going to leave don’t you think I’d have done it by now?”

He gave her a genuine smile and knocked her knee with his. “I’d like to think so.” He kissed her forehead and got to his feet. “I’ve got work to do,” he said, and kissed her hands before releasing them.

Astrid smiled after him. “Does that mean you’ll get me my axe?”

Hiccup stopped in the doorway. “No.”

Astrid’s smile dropped off her face. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

Hiccup didn’t look at her. “I stand by what I said. You can’t look culpable. And that’s my final word on the matter.”

Astrid spluttered. “But, I, Hiccup!” Hiccup disappeared into the passageway and Astrid ran after him, stopping in the entry way to shout, “Fine! See if I keep drinking that Moon Tea, then!”

“Withholding sex only works if we’re having it, Astrid!” Hiccup shouted back.

“Yeah well, I can withhold other things!” She yelled back, but he was already too far to hear her, or at least he pretended to be. Astrid pouted into the dark tunnel.

Right. Time to take matters into her own hands.

Xx

This was quite possibly the stupidest thing she had ever done in her life.

Ideally the time to do this was probably _not_ when Berk was experiencing one of the worst raids it had had in years, but there was no real way to sneak off without Hiccup noticing otherwise. She’d waited until he’d left on Toothless before grabbing her cloak and hopping on Stormfly.

She peered out at the flaming village in the distance from between the trees. Beside her Stormfly cackled and shifted her feet nervously. Astrid stroked her snout. “I know, girl, I know. But you can ignore her, I know you can. I just need you to wait here for me for a little while, okay?” Stormfly growled and nuzzled against Astrid’s side, clearly uneasy, but when Astrid stepped out of the treeline her Nadder didn’t follow.

Astrid lifted the hood of her dark cloak and sprinted towards the village. She’d made a new cloak just for this occasion; it was a lighter weight than her old one but darker, and better suited for stealth. It was strange, being back in Berk; strange ducking behind statues and slinking between houses, avoiding being seen. It was strange returning here as an outsider. It was stranger still being here in the midst of a raid and not feeling the same fear or anger at the dragons swooping down on them.

All of Berk was in chaos. A few homes were on fire, and she could see the smoldering remains of no less than three catapults, but there were more than that being erected in their places, more so than usual. Two of them that she could see didn’t even have boulders beside them to be fired. She frowned. What was the point of putting up catapults if they weren’t going to fire them?

Distracted as she was Astrid didn’t notice the figure passing the alleyway until she’d burst out of it and slammed into them. A large hand grabbed her shoulder to steady her and Astrid looked up and gasped.

Stoick the Vast. She’d run into Stoick the Vast. “Sorry,” he said absently, eyes to the skies above, as he patted her shoulder before running off. As soon as she was free Astrid bolted across the path into the alley between another couple of houses and glanced back at Stoick in time to see him pause. He looked around, a perplexed frown peeking through his massive beard, before he shook his head and ran off shouting, “Prepare the nets!”

Astrid breathed a sigh of relief and took a moment to calm herself before she set off again, sneaking behind houses and along low fences, pretending to be as panicked as anyone else whenever other villagers passed her by.

At least the back of her house faced the sea. No one would see her climbing the wall to her window. She found her handholds easily, having climbed in and out of her window a thousand times before.

She paused just outside her window to peek inside. The room was dark and empty, and from the sliver of moonlight she could just make out her axe resting against her trunk in the corner. She pulled herself onto the windowsill and slipped easily and quietly into the room. She stopped and listened for sound from below but heard none. Her father was probably out fighting, while her mother must have grabbed Brenna and headed for the safety of the Great Hall. She crossed the room and grabbed her axe.

It was funny how such a simple thing could provide such a feeling of relief. She almost laughed, tossing the weapon from hand to hand and feeling the familiar pull of its weight against her muscles. She turned it over, admiring the still-sharp blade. “Hello old friend,” she whispered. “It is so good to see you again.” She twirled it expertly, pleased to see the near-five months since she’d last had it in her hands had not seemed to dull her skills. She strapped the axe to her back and carefully arranged her cloak over it.

She looked around her room.

It was strange being back here, after so much time. She wanted to go through her trunks and see her things; her favorite whetstone, the sewing box she’d inherited from her grandmother…the drawing of herself she’d found in Hiccup’s workshop. She wanted to lie down in her bed, just for a minute or two.

But at the same time she didn’t. This room, this house, this _village_ …they weren’t quite home anymore, were they? She’d grown used to sleeping in the warmth of Hiccup’s embrace; to walls of stone instead of wood. To the rumbling of dragons instead of the chirping of crickets. Even so, being back in this room she missed curling protectively around Brenna’s little sleeping form. She missed waking up to her father’s singing or the smell of her mother’s cooking… It both was home and wasn’t.

She wasn’t the same girl she’d been when she’d last left it, and she couldn’t dwell here any longer. The noise outside was louder than before, so with one last rueful glance she slipped out the window and scurried down the side of the house.

As soon as her feet hit the ground she knew something was wrong. She could see the docks from here, where several men had netted a Monstrous Nightmare. She could hear the frightened screeching of dragons nearby, and crept around the side of the house to peer at the village square. Her heart leapt to her throat.

Several villagers were advancing on three young Nadders, grabbing their jaws and holding them down. Even in the red glow of firelight she could see clearly the bright colors of their scales: bright green, amethyst, and cerulean. Loki, Prim, and Tumble.

“No,” Astrid whispered, a hand reaching out towards the babies she’d helped raise. There was a screech from above and Astrid looked down in time to see Stormfly descend on the chaos, talons extended to pull Vikings off her children. “No.” She saw the machine a second too late. “No!”

It fired, sending a net weighed down by iron balls over Stormfly and her hatchlings, sending them all sprawling to the ground under the weight of the net.

Everything slowed. She watched in horror as Hoark grabbed Stormfly’s snout and wrestled her to the ground.

“DRAGON MASTER!” Across the square Stoick was shouting. “RETURN THE GIRL AND WE’LL RETURN YOUR PETS!”

Astrid looked around. The Nightmare by the bay. The Nadders in the square. The Zippleback she could see being tied down near the forge…they were trying to capture as many dragons tonight as they could. They wanted to trade…for her?

She looked back at the center of the square, where just yards away her beloved Nadder and her offspring were struggling against the net that held them. Stormfly would be able to throw off the net easily enough if not for the iron weights, and she still had plenty of firepower, and from where Astrid stood she could see one of the weights, it was a straight shot…

It took less than a second for Astrid to decide what to do.

She dropped her cloak, grabbed her axe off her back, took careful aim, and let her axe fly. Astrid Hofferson had not missed a target since she was nine years old. The axe severed the rope, the net loosened, and Stormfly’s wings spread, allowing her to throw Hoark aside. She opened her mouth and released a jet of white hot flame that incinerated the ropes holding the fledglings down.

“What in the—?” The villagers were ducking out of the way as the young dragons threw off the remaining ropes and took to the skies.

“Stormfly, go, go!” Astrid yelled, dashing forwards. Stormfly’s wings rose, Astrid pulled her axe out of the ground and had just enough to time to grab the side of Stormfly’s saddle and glimpse Hoark’s stunned expression before she was in the air and the eyes of all of Berk were upon her.

For a moment she didn’t dare look down. She just hung from the side of the saddle; feet braced against Stormfly’s flank, chest heaving, hair slipping from its braid, axe in hand, and waited for the stupidity of what she’d just done to crash into her. She heard a shout, then a scream, and finally braved a look at the village below.

It was as if everything had stopped. Dragons were struggling against their bonds but the Vikings meant to be subduing them had all turned their attention upwards. All over Berk weapons were frozen in the hands of warriors who had stopped to look up at her. She could see Stoick, staring at her in confusion and horror. There by one of the catapults was Fishlegs, hands clapped over his mouth. There was her father, his hand still aloft though his axe had fallen to the ground, watching her with such an expression of sadness.

Outside the Great Hall she could see Gothi herding mothers and small children into the Great Hall, and there was Ruffnut, a small bundle in her arms. She’d had her baby.

And there was her mother, gaping at her, face shining with tears in the firelight.

And then she saw Brenna, pulling at her mother’s hand and pointing at Astrid, jumping up and down and grinning up at her with a look on her face of utter _wonder_. All the breath in her lungs left her at once.

Astrid’s back straightened and she stared down at the villagers, so stricken at the sight of her.

Let them look.

Let them see what she had become. Let them see what they had created. 

Let them see their sacrifice for what it was.

She felt more alive, more free, more _herself_ than she had in months. This was what she was made for, she thought: an axe in her hand, a dragon at her side, and the wind in her hair. 

There was an explosion from down near the docks, and she looked down in time to see Hiccup and Toothless disappearing back into the sky as the Monstrous Nightmare shook off the remains of his net.

Astrid hauled herself onto Stormfly’s back and secured her axe to her back. “Come on, girl,” she said, stroking the Nadder’s neck. “Let’s go give the boys a hand, huh?”

Perhaps the villagers were in too much shock to really fight back, or perhaps it was their combined firepower, but it took no more than a couple of minutes before she and Hiccup had freed the rest of the captured dragons.  She felt exhilarated, adrenaline pumping through her veins as she and Stormfly dove down between houses, fire destroying catapults and nets, her axe occasionally severing ropes. At last the rest of the dragons were taking to the skies, confused Berkians watching as they flew away, and Astrid and Stormfly rose above the clouds to fly alongside Hiccup and Toothless.

Astrid’s smile died when she looked at Hiccup. He didn’t even acknowledge her.

“Hiccup?” Still no answer. His helmet was still on, mask still hiding his face. He stared straight ahead. “Babe?”

“We’ll talk when we get home,” he said, his voice shaking with what could have been anger or perhaps fear.

Astrid sighed. “I’m not sorry, Hiccup.” She told him, staring at her hands on the handle of her saddle. “I know this went against everything you told me not to do, but I don’t care.” Her grip tightened. “I don’t care that they know. I don’t care if they see me as a traitor. I love you, Hiccup.” She looked at him. “I don’t use those words lightly. I wouldn’t say them if…” she faltered, then took a deep breath. She was a Hofferson. She was fearless. “If I ever thought I’d be saying them to anyone else.” She thought she saw him shift, his head tilt her direction, but she couldn’t be sure, though she’d certainly gotten Toothless’s attention. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. I love you, I believe in you, in what you’re doing. In what _we’re_ doing. And if that means they see me as a traitor then fine. I don’t care what they think of me, I care what _you_ think of me.” Her voice rose, strong and sure over the wind. “I care that you know that I love you and that I’m not ever going to leave you. I care that you know that you’re not going to stop being what I want you to be. _You’re_ what I want you to be. I just want you. As screwed up as you are, and as I am, and as screwed up as things have been between us in the past I still just want you.”

She watched him, eyes wide and heart beating fast with hope and fear. Hiccup’s shoulders rose and fell, a measured, careful movement.

“We’ll talk when we get home,” he said, voice firm, and Astrid slumped in her saddle.

“Okay.”

 

 


	17. Allegiance Won, Innocence Lost pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for being late. I've been miserably sick and unable to write. 
> 
> Warnings: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A SMUTTY NEW YEAR (no seriously. This thing is like 90 percent smut.)

Hiccup and Toothless dove into the side of the mountain, taking the shortest route straight to their bedroom. It was a more difficult flight for Stormfly but she could do it, and Astrid followed them. When she landed Hiccup was already on the ground and dismounting. She slid off Stormfly and pulled her axe off her back and leant it up against the wall.

“Hiccup, I know you’re mad, but can you please just talk to me?”

Hiccup ignored her. He was ripping off his armor and throwing it to the floor, leather armguards and shoulder pads bouncing off the stone. He pulled off his helmet and threw it aside, and Astrid swallowed at the hard look on his face. His eyes were narrowed and his jaw was set, almost but not quite a glare that he focused on the ground instead of on her.

“Hiccup?”

Toothless nosed at him but Hiccup gently pushed the Night Fury away and whistled. The whistle drew Stormfly’s attention, and she stomped over to accept the chin scratches before Hiccup made a clicking noise and both dragons took off into the deeper reaches of the cave, leaving the two of them alone. Astrid watched them go with apprehension. “Hiccup?”

He still ignored her. He tore at the buckles of his chest piece and pulled it off, and then he was stalking towards her before the leather had hit the floor. His eyes were blazing, and she backed away on instinct.

“Hiccup? Hiccup?” He advanced on her, footsteps swift and she panicked, stumbling backwards until her back hit stone. “Hicc—” His mouth covered hers as he lifted her off the floor and pinned her against the wall. He kissed her harder than she’d ever been kissed, teeth and tongue clashing while his hips ground in between hers. She gasped into his mouth before her eyes fluttered closed and she melted into the kiss, her arms rising to grip his shoulders and help support her weight.

He broke away, panting heavily, his eyes dark and reflecting red and orange glimmers from the fire. “You’re amazing,” he breathed. “Absolutely amazing.” He kissed her again, but Astrid managed to push him away.

She blinked at him, equally breathless. “You’re not mad?”

Hiccup frowned at her. “Are you kidding, I’m _furious_!” He kissed her. “You went against everything I told you, you revealed yourself to the entire village, you ruined any chance of ever being seen as less than my accomplice, and you did it all behind my back.” Another kiss, and he broke away laughing and shaking his head. “And you were incredible.” It wasn’t quite a smile that he looked at her with, but it was something infinitely more tender. He looked at her with something like awe. “I love you,” he said, his eyes searching her face. “You’re ridiculous and independent and amazing and when you know what you want you don’t let anyone stand in your way. And I love you, Astrid. I love you.”

She didn’t doubt it.

She kissed him this time, her hand curling around his head and pulling him to her. This kiss was less rough, more passionate. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he shifted her weight in his arms so he could stroke up the sides of her torso and down along her thighs. She moaned into his mouth as she felt him grind his growing arousal against her. He broke away to kiss along her cheek to her jaw, and then began to suckle and nip at the skin of her neck. Astrid sighed and let her head fall back. She loved it when he kissed her neck; it always made her shiver down to her toes when he dragged his tongue from her ear to her collar bone, leaving a wet stripe that would prickle in the cold air.

“I want to ravish you,” Hiccup mumbled against her ear as his hand ran down her leg to shuck her boots from her feet. He traced the shell of her ear with his tongue before tugging the lobe with his teeth. “I want-I want to spread your legs wide and lick you until you’re dripping.” He punctuated his words with a sharp buck into her core, and Astrid bit her lip to keep from moaning.

“You know,” she said, while he kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear. “I’m kind of torn between wanting to know how- _oh_ -how you got so good at talking dirty, and being kind of afraid to find out.”

“Am I good at it?” Hiccup asked her throat while he kicked off his own boots. “I just kind of say stuff and hope it doesn’t sound stupid.”

“No, no you don’t usually sound stupid,” she said, while Hiccup pulled at the laces of her shirt with his teeth. Gods, he had such a talented mouth. Talented hands and talented mouth and she wanted them all over her body.

Hiccup pulled away from her neck to rest his forehead against hers while he caught his breath. “Is that a yes on the ravishing, then?”

Astrid met his half-lidded eyes with her own and chuckled throatily. “That’s a hel yes you’d better.” He claimed her mouth and soon the rock behind her was replaced with air as he carried her to their bed. He laid her down gently, though as soon as she was safely on the cushions his hands went to work. He yanked the hem of her shirt from her skirt and broke their kiss long enough to pull it over her head. His hand were warm on her back but they didn’t stay there long, instead diving under her skirt and pulling down her leggings and underwear all in one go. Astrid’s heart picked up. Hiccup left her lips and began kissing down her neck, her chest, over her bound breasts and down her stomach.

He grabbed her legs and pushed them to her chest, shoving her skirt up around her hips. In half a second his mouth was on her, tongue thrusting into her without ceremony or preparation. Astrid cried out at the sudden invasion, she grabbed fistfuls of the furs beneath her while Hiccup set about laving and licking at her inner walls. Her sharp gasps echoed off the stone walls as his strong arms pinned down her writhing hips. She knew then from his ruthlessness what he was going to ask her, and what her response was going to be.

As she tipped over the edge into white hot swirling pleasure she knew this was the night she was going to let him take her.

 _He loves me_ , she thought, as the aftershocks subsided and the haze began to clear. _He loves me. Oh gods, he loves me._

Her eyes blinked open and she looked down at him, kissing his way from her inner thigh up to her knee. “Do you wanna keep going?” he asked, as he often did, though there was something different in the way he asked it this time. Something in the flat tone or the darkness of his eyes that suggested he already knew her answer, but asked out of formality, or perhaps respect.

It made her heart swell to think how she had never worried about his response to her answer. She never feared telling him no, never feared he would disregard her decision. He never made her feel inadequate or guilty for declining to take this further.

She pulled her legs from his grasp and sat up, her eyes locked on the bright green of his. “Yes.” Her hands locked onto his shoulders and drug him to her lips.

Hiccup shifted to pull her onto his lap while Astrid worked loose the ties of his shirt and pulled it out of his pants and over his head. She’d never get tired of being skin to skin with him, she thought, running her hands over his chest and down his stomach. She’d never tire of his big warm hands trailing down her spine. His fingers found the knot of her breast bindings and began trying to loosen it but Astrid stopped him, breaking the kiss and giving him a shy look. “Wait,” she said, meeting his confused frown. “Wait just a second. Turn around and close your eyes.”

Hiccup quirked an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

She swatted at his shoulder as she climbed off his lap. “I have a surprise for you. Turn around and close your eyes and don’t look until I say so.” Hiccup didn’t stop frowning but he did as she asked. “No peeking, I mean it,” she warned, getting to her feet.

“Yeah, yeah.”

She went swiftly and quietly to her trunk and pulled out the garment she’d been working on for weeks in preparation for this moment. She looked it over one last time and threw a paranoid glance over her shoulder at Hiccup, who was still sitting with his back to her, arms resting on his knees. She undressed quickly and pulled the dress over her head before unbraiding her hair and running her fingers through it to loosen the curls. Finally she dug through her trunk to find the little bottles of perfume he’d brought her months ago. She didn’t dip into them very often, but there were some she liked and tonight was special, so she found her favorite and dabbed it around her neck, between her breasts, and perhaps a bit self-consciously, between her legs. She placed the perfume bottles back in her trunk and closed the lid. For a moment she stared at her hands on the wood, listening to the cracking of the fire behind her and her own quick breathing.

She was going to do this. This was going to happen. She was going to do this.

A strange little smile pulled at the corners of her mouth and she suppressed a grin as she got to her feet and faced the bed.

“Okay,” she said. “You can look.”

Hiccup’s head turned left and right in a confused little bob before he looked over his shoulder and his mouth fell open and his eyes widened. Astrid dropped her gaze for a moment and brushed her bangs out of her eyes, and when she looked up at Hiccup he was getting slowly to his feet. There was a look of awe on his face as he took in the sight of her, standing there in nothing but a thin shift made of a few flowing layers of the sheer silk fabric he’d brought her as a peace offering when they were just beginning to get along. She had wondered for the longest time what she would do with that fabric, as it wasn’t much good for anything practical and it seemed too fine for the dress she’d made for Brenna’s doll. And it was too sheer to be used as any sort of garment on its own…until things with Hiccup had become more intimate, and she decided that sheer might be exactly what she needed.

It hung straight from her shoulders to her hips, and then fluttered in uneven layers down to the middle of her calves. She’d attempted a bit of embroidery at the neckline to make it more special, though Hiccup’s gaze didn’t linger long at her collarbone. The dress left nothing to the imagination.

Hiccup’s eyes met hers and he stepped closer until there were only a few inches between them. His hand reached out and hovered over a tendril of hair before he pulled it back. Astrid watched the bob of his throat as he swallowed and the way his tongue darted out to wet his lips before he spoke. “You’re beautiful,” he said, so softly it was almost a whisper. “Have I ever mentioned that before? You’re so beautiful.”

Astrid swallowed. Maybe it was nerves, or excitement, but there was something about the way he looked at her tonight that felt so different from how he’d ever looked at her before. “You must have. Surely you have.” She sounded so breathless and she wasn’t sure why.

“Then I guess I haven’t said it enough,” he whispered, eyes drifting down over her body and back up to her face. “Because you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known.”

Her heart fluttered and she looked down, biting her lip. “You’ve been all over the world,” she said, speaking louder and trying to laugh, “Chances are somewhere you’ve seen someone prettier than me.” She didn’t know why she said it. She felt oddly vulnerable in a way she only did around Hiccup.  Especially now, with nothing hidden from him. She felt some need for self-aware self-depreciation, some defense against whatever flaws he might find. She was never an impractical girl; she knew that the prettiest girl on Berk didn’t equate to the prettiest girl everywhere.

Hiccup pinched her chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifted her face back to meet his eyes, burning green and black with an intensity that set her heart to pounding.

“They’re not you,” he said, leaning forward, “They don’t compare.”

How did he do that? How did he say things like that and make it so easy for her to believe him? What was it about his gaze, his smile, the press of his hands, that made her feel beautiful in a way that had never mattered to her before? How did he bring out all these sides of her that she’d never given much thought to? He brought out a sensuality and sexuality in her that she had once been content to ignore until she died. She’d never foreseen herself as a wife or a lover until him, and yet here she was, blood thrumming in her veins at the thought of what she was about to do. She trusted him in a way she’d forgotten possible, and loved him in a way she’d never imagined herself capable.

When he kissed her this time it was slower, lighter, almost chaste. His hands came to rest on her waist and pull her closer. Her fingertips skated over the light stubble on his jaw and neck and she sighed happily into his mouth.

“Have I ever mentioned how beautiful you ended up?” she asked when they broke apart. Hiccup’s eyebrow rose. “You have such gorgeous eyes. Kind eyes, intelligent eyes, I always thought so.” She combed through his bangs and traced down the side of his face until her fingers landed on his lips. “And your smile.” Something almost like a giggle bubbled out of her. “You know sometimes you smile at me and I think I could believe any impossible thing you told me.” He exhaled shakily, looking at her with something almost like disbelief.

“How did I ever end up here?” he asked, his arms winding around her and pulling her tight against his chest. “What did I ever do to deserve this, deserve you? You hated me. You hated me when I was bad at fighting dragons and you hated me when I was good at fighting dragons, so how the hel did I get you anyway?”

Astrid really did giggle this time. She pecked his chin and beamed up at him. “Maybe I just didn’t think you were supposed to be fighting dragons.”

“Well, damn, Astrid, you should have told me that then, I could have saved a lot of time trying to impress you.”

She laughed; head-thrown back, eyes closed, smile wide _laughed_ , and only stopped when he kissed her and wouldn’t stop. Her hands found his belt and rid him of it, and then helped him shimmy out of his pants and underwear. He hissed in relief and Astrid almost laughed; he was hard and throbbing and that tight leather couldn’t have been very comfortable. He slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders and the fabric fluttered around her as it fell to the floor. He stopped kissing her long enough to look down at her body, finally completely revealed to him, and then his hands were roaming over every inch of her form. They were warm and wide left lightning in their wake as they slid over her back and along her sides and up to palm her breasts. His mouth left hers and attached to her neck, leaving hot distracted kisses down her throat and chest until he latched onto her nipple. She gasped and clung to him, her own hands exploring the familiar firm muscles of his back and strong shoulders. She just wanted to touch him, anywhere, everywhere. She loved his body; loved his lithe arms and thin, muscled torso, and his narrow hips that were _made_ to fit between hers…

His tongue teased her nipple and she nearly tore his arm from its socket. “Hiccup,” she gasped, somewhere between an oath and a plea, and as his mouth returned to hers his hands slid under her bottom and scooped her up into his arms.

Her heart beat harder and harder against her ribs as he carried her to their bed and laid her down on the furs. He pulled away from her lips and rested his forehead against hers as they both took a moment to catch their breath.

“I love you,” Hiccup said, looking at her out of half-lidded eyes while he hovered over her.

She gave him a soft smile and nodded. “I love you, too.” He mirrored her smile briefly before his hand trailed up the inside of her thigh and he slid two long fingers into her. Astrid bit her lip and moaned, her eyes falling closed. She was aching for him now; she thought she might crawl out of her own skin, and the slow circling of his fingers was doing more to magnify her need than satisfy it.

“Hiccup,” she whined, trying to arch into his touch and shimmy away from it all in one movement. “Stop teasing me.”

“I just want to make sure you’re ready,” came his husky reply.

Astrid wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or scream from frustration. “Hiccup, I am so- _oh_ -so far past the point of changing my _mind!_ ” Her sentence ended in a gasp as he crooked his fingers inside her.

“I meant physically,” he replied, not letting up. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Gods damn him and bless him for his consideration.

“I think, gods, I think I’m good.” She grabbed his hand and yanked it away, strangely thankful for the momentary lapse of sensation. She blinked her eyes open. “I just want you now.”

 Hiccup nodded, and something in his unsteady breath made her wonder if he wasn’t more nervous that she was. He wrapped her legs around his waist as he settled between her thighs, before resting his weight on his arms at her sides. He reached between them, a finger swiping through the wetness at her core before something larger and hotter took its place, resting just at her entrance.

He combed his fingers through her hair and kissed the corner of her mouth, and whispered, “I love you,” before he pushed forward.

He slid into her slowly, hot smooth inch by hot smooth inch, his breath quickening with hers after only the first few. It didn’t hurt, exactly. It was…she wasn’t used to the feeling. Her eyes squeezed shut and her head fell back against the pillows. Surely she couldn’t take any more of him, she thought, he seemed so deep already, but he kept pushing deeper and somehow her body accepted him without pain. She drew a shuddering gasp as he sheathed himself to the hilt; her fingers dug into his shoulders and her legs tightened around his waist, almost subconsciously.

He was asking if she was okay, she knew, though the words themselves got lost somewhere in the sound of her own ragged breathing. She nodded, her hips twitching beneath him.

“Astrid, look at me.” His voice sounded strained, and she obeyed him, pulling up heavy lids to see the reverent expression with which he watched her. “Are you okay?” he asked, his hands tangling through her hair. “Are you good?” She couldn’t find the words to tell him that she was fine, that she wanted _this_ , that she wanted, wanted, _wanted_. “More,” she whispered finally.

Hiccup nodded and leaned in to kiss the corner of her eye, and then he drew back and pressed into her again. He thrust slowly; a steady rhythm of long, tremulous strokes that made her thighs seize and her toes curl and her body shudder, followed by a brief moment of retreat that left her desperate and wanting. Her hips rocked into his on instinct; she was hardly aware of the motion, she only knew to seek more.

It was the sweetest form of torture she had ever known. She hadn’t anticipated the intensity of the feeling; the way her whole body would shake with each surge of pleasure, or the sheer _heat_ of him. It was like fire between them; a debilitating flare and fade as he fucked her. She wasn’t sure if she loved it or hated it but she knew she never wanted it to stop.

He was whispering her name, over and over and over in time with his movements and her own soft mewls. She would have been saying his if she’d had the presence of mind to speak. She couldn’t even manage to open her eyes. She desperately gulped down air, her mind clear of anything that wasn’t _him_ , and the heat between their bodies and his weight on top of her and that _something_ he kept hitting deep inside her that made her whimper and clench around him. His rhythm was slowly increasing, building into hard, deep strokes. Her grip on him tightened, desperate to keep him close, keep him moving, keep him spearing into her, again and again and again. She clung to him; her head thrown back and her neck exposed to his searching kisses and hot breath. He had one hand tangled almost painfully in her hair while the other kept a bruising grip on her thigh.

He bucked into her, a particularly hard thrust that forced a strangled whine from her throat. “Yes,” she gasped, hoping Hiccup understood what she meant, because she wasn’t sure that she did. “ _Gods_ ,” she breathed when he did it again, and he seemed to get the message. It was like something shifted and with her next shudder she could feel that white hot churning begin to build. Her whimpers and gasps turned to high-pitched little yips torn from the back of her throat and her body ached with the tremors as he pushed her closer and closer to the edge. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. Everything was _Hiccup_ and his touch and his heat and the almost painful jolt of pleasure that shot through her with every stroke. Her body strained, her nails drug lines down Hiccup’s back, her legs shaking, everything growing tighter, tighter, tighter…

She shattered. Her soft scream surprised her, as did the force of her release, stronger than it had ever been before. She came hard, her body convulsing as she rode out the waves, the world beyond the twine of their bodies nonexistent.

Hiccup was on his elbows, increasing his leverage and rocking harder and harder into her, seeking his own end and drawing out hers to the point where she wondered if she was going to come again. She heard his strained groan in her ear and felt him try to pull away, but she locked her ankles behind his back and held him in place. She didn’t care what might happen; she didn’t care what might come of it; she didn’t care about anything but this feeling. His movements faltered and she heard his shout of her name as he spilled inside her.

He collapsed on top of her, both of them panting hard. Astrid was dimly aware of him rolling them over and pulling her close, his arms wrapping around her back. She felt his soft kisses on her face, his hands wiping her sweat-drenched hair from her face. He held her while she floated back down to earth, her face pressed into his chest, her lips resting against his skin as she struggled to regain her breath. Her whole body felt weak, the tension had given way to a pleasant soreness in her limbs and between her legs. She tilted her head up and buried her face in his neck. She felt warm and safe in his arms. Warm, and safe, and loved.

x

“Are you okay?” Hiccup asked, what felt like lifetimes later. His thumb was lightly stroking her back while she lay in the comforting circle of his arms, her face still hidden in the crook of his neck.

She tilted her face up to look at him. He looked so peaceful, so relaxed…so _happy_ , she couldn’t help but smile.  “Yeah,” she breathed. “Better than okay.”

He grinned at her and kissed her soundly before heaving a deep sigh and closing his eyes.

“Are _you_ okay?”

“Yeah,” Hiccup mumbled.

She pecked the tip of his nose. “You look tired.”

“Mm. I’m _exhausted_. It’s been kind of an eventful day. Night. Whatever.” Astrid smiled at the goofy, sleepy smile stretching over his lips.

Her own smile faded and she snuggled closer to his chest, prompting him to reach down and pull one of the heavy furs over them. Astrid stared at his collarbone, trying to find the words to ask what kept tapping at her mind.

She finally settled on, “Was I good?”

Hiccup hummed, a smug, happy sound punctuated by a low blast of warm air from his nostrils against her hairline. “You were amazing.”

She watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest. “Was I as good as the first seven?”

Hiccup’s deep breathing stalled. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does,” she said, because it did, in that moment. She liked being the best at things, and for some strange, self-conscious reason it mattered that she wasn’t a disappointment compared to his previous conquests.

“No, it doesn’t,” Hiccup said, more firmly, and tilted her face up to look at him. His green eyes seemed to radiate tenderness, and he spoke with such conviction that she couldn’t help but believe him.  “They’re not you. They don’t even compare.”

And then he kissed her: a light, gentle brush of the lips that felt every bit as intimate as the act they’d just shared.

Xx

The silence in the Great Hall seemed to physically press down on the few occupants of the room.

No one spoke; not one of the nine people seated at the table seemed capable of saying anything that wasn’t already running through the minds of everyone else. Even the infant sleeping in Ruffnut’s arms made no noise.

Outside the rest of the village had gone back home to go to sleep, or perhaps more accurately, had gone back home to stay awake until the wee hours of the morning gossiping and whispering about what they had all witnessed that night.

No one in Berk would be getting much sleep tonight.

Finally Stoick heaved a sigh and got to his feet. “Well,” he said, looking around at the solemn faces staring at the table top. “I think we’re all in agreement that there’s nothing really to discuss.” He rubbed a large hand across his eyes before placing both his hands flat on the table. He stood up straight and cleared his throat. “As difficult as this is for me to do, it must be done. There is no denying what we all saw out there tonight.” He watched Arvid take his wife’s hand and squeeze it tightly. “As of tonight, we must officially declare Astrid Hofferson a traitor to Berk and our allies.”

Ruffnut and Tuffnut exchanged a pained look. Ingrid buried her face in her husband’s shoulder. Fishlegs and Snotlout stared at the table, while Gobber frowned pensively into the darkness.

“The punishment for her treason, should she be captured, is, regrettably, death.”

 


	18. Whatever Lies Beyond This Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only an hour late it's still Monday in some time zone, right? The reason this chapter is a little late is because it ended up almost nothing like I originally intended it to be. In the end I like it better; I got to explore a few things I'd meant to explain for a while and I have one cohesive point of view instead of switching from Hiccup to Astrid mid-chapter. On the other hand there was going to be actual plot in this chapter but Hiccup and Astrid decided to start talking about their feelings and instead it's basically just fluff and smut. (In other news, I'm starting to regain my health! Turns out I was allergic to the prescription cough meds and that was making me more miserable than the virus!)  
> Also this is late because I wrote a little pre-Persephone oneshot focused on Hiccup and his bad decisions. http://thatsnicebutimmarried.tumblr.com/post/106779863505/wont-look-down-wont-open-my-eyes
> 
> Warnings for smut. If you know what song the chapter title comes from you get my love. It'll be obvious to some of you, given what other fandoms I'm part of. I saw the opportunity and I took it.

_“Astrid?” He shook her shoulder gently. “Oh gods…”_

_Astrid moaned but didn’t wake up. Hiccup carefully shifted her head to check for blood, but saw only a bruised knot rising on the back of her head.  Behind him Toothless cooed worriedly. Hiccup ran a hand through his hair._

_“Oh, we’re dead, bud, we’re so dead.” He took a step back and looked down at her. How was he possibly going to fix this? Astrid had seen Toothless, and she thought he was attacking them, and how…how was he supposed to tell her the truth? Toothless warbled and Hiccup shot him a glare. “This is your fault, you know. She wasn’t gonna hurt me. If you hadn’t freaked out, then she wouldn’t have freaked out, and now_ I’m _freaking out, and aaah!” Hiccup threw his hands in the air and fell back against Toothless’s head. “Okay,” he said, looking at the girl on the ground and the axe in his hand. “We gotta figure something out.”_

_He’d meant to slip away quietly. He’d meant to climb on Toothless’s back and fly off and stay away until he had a plan to tell his father that wouldn’t throw the entire village into chaos. There was no way that was going to happen, especially not now._

_His father…he’d been so proud. He was so looking forward to tomorrow, to seeing Hiccup kill a dragon and be the son he’d always wanted. He was so proud…but not of Hiccup, he thought with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. The son Stoick was proud of, the son he wanted, that boy was never going to be him. He would never be the heir Berk needed._

_He sighed. And Astrid. Why did he ever think he had a shot with a girl like her? Even now, with the entire village lauding his progress in the ring she only sought him out because she thought he was cheating. She was right, which didn’t help matters. When everyone found out they’d all turn on him. It’d be worse than before, worse than being useless Hiccup who always caused trouble when he was trying to help. His father would be more than just disappointed, he’d be crushed. His only son, best friends with a dragon. A traitor to the village he was meant someday to lead._

_Toothless nudged his arm and Hiccup took a deep breath and stood up straighter. He didn’t belong on Berk anymore. He’d never really belonged there, among these violent people and the Viking Way. He didn’t belong with a girl like Astrid, brave and beautiful, and willing to throw herself in front of a Night Fury for a boy she didn’t even like…_

She’s a fantasy, and you never had a chance _, he thought._

_Berk couldn’t wonder what happened to him, and they couldn’t know the truth. His father couldn’t know the truth._

_They worked quickly. Toothless snapped the axe handle in half with his jaws and melted the blade and the grass around the rocks. He thought about blood. How much, if any. Did there need to be blood? They said his mother had been carried off by a dragon, it wasn’t like they’d need much evidence to assume that’s what had happened, especially once Astrid told them what she’d seen. He nicked the back of his arm and smeared a little on the handle of the axe, just in case._

_And then he and Toothless waited in the trees above the cove until Astrid awoke, just to make sure she did wake. She sat up, hand clutching at the back of her head and groaning. After a second of holding her head she seemed to remember what she was doing there and he heard her say his name. She stumbled out from behind the rocks to look wildly around the cove._

_“Hiccup?” she said, and even from here he could see the panic on her face. “Hiccup?!” she shouted, tripping over her own feet as she approached the ruined axe. She looked around the cove and then towards the treeline above, and Hiccup pushed Toothless’s face further into the shadows. “Hiccup!” she yelled, then again, “Hiccup!” Her face crumpled and he saw her mouth his name again but no sound reached him. She fell to her knees in front of the axe and her hands reached for it though she didn’t touch it. “No, no, no,” he heard, her voice too high and strained. “Oh gods, oh gods no.” She fell back onto her feet and he watched her chest begin to heave with quick, shallow breaths._

_He’d never seen Astrid cry before. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her even tear up over a scraped knee, and yet for some reason she was crying over him. Her hands clawed at her face, and for a few minutes she sat there, rocking back and forth on her knees, that same high-pitched keening the only sound she made._

_It was strange seeing her like that; it tore at his heart._

She doesn’t even like you _, said a voice in the back of his mind._ And if she knew the truth she’d hate you. They all would.

_Finally Astrid pushed herself onto shaking legs and ran from the cove._

_If he was going to turn back, this was his last chance. He could go to her, stop her, tell her the truth. He could show her Toothless, he could explain, maybe she’d understand…_

“Figure out which side you’re on!”

“I’m so proud of you, Hiccup. You were amazing out there today!”

“Where did Hiccup go wrong today?”

“He’s never where he should be.”

“I’m so proud of you, Hiccup.”

“No one just _gets_ as good as you do.”

“I’m so proud…”

_He climbed on the saddle and didn’t look back._

Xx

He was afraid to breathe.

It wasn’t the first morning he’d woken up next to Astrid, and it wasn’t even the first morning he’d woken up wondering how he’d lucked into whatever they’d done before they’d gone to sleep, but something about this morning was different.

 _Everything_ about this morning was different.

He looked down at her, face pressed against his chest, curled up in the circle of his arms with one leg tossed over his. Gods, she was so beautiful when she slept. She was so beautiful _always_ , but she was so peaceful when she was asleep. Her calm countenance belied the destruction and anger and ferocity she was capable of, and for some reason he loved that. She was a world-conquering beauty, and she was his.

Gods, she was his.

He’d given up on her years ago. He’d told himself she was from a world he didn’t belong in, that he didn’t really even know her, and that if he did he probably wouldn’t even like her.  She certainly had never shown any sign of liking him. And then she’d come stumbling back into his life and that dumb fifteen year old who watched her from around corners and pined stirred inside of him and he had to remind himself all over again that he would never have this girl.

Astrid was so much more than he knew, more than he’d guessed or hoped for. He’d known so little of her when they were kids, and finally getting to know her his heart had been dragged back in as if it’d never left. She had slipped uninvited into his life and then into his heart and soul and his entire being now seemed to revolve around her in a way he never dreamed he could feel. He’d wanted before. He’d liked girls and felt lust and desire but no one had ever made him feel the way she did. She believed in him, he could see it in the way she smiled, even on those days he couldn’t believe in himself.

For so long he had felt empty, and she had broken open his chest and found in him something worth seeing. She made him feel worthy not despite everything he had been and done or despite all of his flaws, but because of them. She’d seen the worst of him and loved him anyway.

He was no stranger to sex. Physically it couldn’t have been the best he’d ever had, but for some reason he couldn’t even find it in himself to rank this. This, with her, was different. In the past sex had been a way to turn off his mind and his emotions and feel without feeling anything he didn’t want to. Last night had been different. Their bond had gone deeper than skin, her sighs had been like whispers to his soul. He was an instrument, and in her hands at last capable of producing music.

And she’d been good, really. She’d fought to match his rhythm but it had turned him on watching her try. And she’d been alright, which had worried him the most. She hadn’t broken and she hadn’t bled, and he’d gotten them both off without hurting her. She’d been self-conscious after, and he hoped she understood that he meant it: no one compared to her.

They had melded so completely; she fit against his body as if only ever she should have been there. He didn’t care who came before, he didn’t care what he’d ever experienced before. Only with Astrid had it ever felt like making love. Only with Astrid had he ever felt so complete.

He was scared, now.

They’d fallen asleep so quickly afterwards, both so tired from a long, eventful night. He worried, as he usually did whenever he and Astrid tried something new in their relationship, that she would wake and in the light of day regret her decisions. It wasn’t unprecedented, though it had been a long, long time since she had bothered fighting how she felt about him.

That boy who watched her from around corners and tried and failed to talk to her was fragile in times like these. And now, with the incontrovertible truth that he was more in love with her than he was ever going to be with anyone again, he couldn’t help but fear that this was a brief taste of a love he would never fully be allowed to deserve.

Astrid stirred, and for a moment he really did hold his breath. She shifted, snuggling closer to him and turning her face up to his. Her deep breathing stalled, and her eyes blinked open. Bleary blue focused on his face, and her lips spread wide in a tender smile that nearly stopped his heart.

“Hi.”

Her voice was morning-hoarse but still such a beautiful sound to his ears. He released the breath he’d been holding in a long sigh through smiling lips. “Hi.”

That smile stretched wider, crinkling her eyes and dimpling her cheeks, before she leaned in and kissed him, brief and chaste, while her arms tightened around his torso. She was his, and his heart beat a little faster and his hands splayed across her back pulled her closer because he could, because this girl loved him.

“Good morning,” she whispered, when they broke apart.

“Morning.”

There must have been something of apprehension in his face, because her smile faltered.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” She was frowning at him, eyebrows drawing together in concern, and he shook his head and held her tighter. “I love you,” he told her, and watched some of the tension ease from her face.

“I love you.”

“No, I, Astrid, I love you,” he tried again, and groaned, because he needed to say it, and wasn’t sure how. He’d said it last night, he’d told her, but there was so much he couldn’t say, so much he didn’t know how, so much he needed to say and make her see and understand. She’d been right, he’d picked a terrible time to say it the first time, and she hadn’t been ready to hear it anyway. Since then he’d held his tongue, resisted the urge to say the words on a dozen occasions when all he wanted to do was say them over and over ad infinitum. He’d said it now, and he had to make sure she understood how much he meant it. “I love you,” he said again, and pressed his forehead to hers. “I didn’t know you, when we were younger. I worshiped you, but I didn’t know you. But I wish I had because I love you, and I love you a little more the more I uncover.” He swallowed. “Because you’re amazing, and you’re everything I didn’t know I needed. I was so lost when you came here. And I was so alone. And you pulled me out of the darkness and I don’t know how to thank you.” She was frowning again, more out of an awed sort of confusion than concern, and her hands tightened on his shoulders.

“And last night you, I mean Astrid…you’ve given me everything, and I just wish I had more to give you.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I have words and promises and not much else. I can’t give you a normal life or a wedding or anything like that—”

“Do you love me?” she interrupted, and Hiccup blinked at her.

“Yes,” he said. “Gods, yes. More than I know how to say.”

Her hands slid around to his chest, and then up to cup his face. He watched her lips form a soft smile. “Then that’s all I need.”

He couldn’t help kissing her then. He couldn’t help crushing her to his chest and kissing her as if she would slip from his arms and from his life if he didn’t. He’d spent most of his life feeling like he must have angered the gods at birth and they’d been taking it out on him ever since, but here, with Astrid, he felt blessed beyond anything he deserved.

Her skin was warm and soft and her ribcage felt so small under his hands. Nothing else in the rest of the world mattered when he held her. He just wanted her heartbeat next to his and her chest rising and falling with the breath she stole from his lungs. He’d have broken every part of him to bits and scattered his skin to pieces if it meant keeping her there beside him.

“I love you,” he mumbled against her mouth. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Xx

“Are you still alright?”

Astrid shook with a silent giggle and her hand tightened on top of the one he rested on her stomach.

“Hiccup, I’m fine.”

He nosed through the hair plastered by sweat to the back of her neck and kissed her there. “I’m just making sure. You’re not sore or anything?”

Astrid shrugged and pressed her body back against his, and he swallowed against the feeling of her ass grinding up against his groin. “A little,” she admitted, “But not really in a painful way. I kind of feel like I squeezed a few days worth of training into a few hours, though.” Her thumb stroked the top of his hand. “But I’m okay, I’m good, you haven’t hurt me or anything.” She snuggled further into his body and he wrapped his arms more tightly around her. He’d never been into the whole cuddling thing in the past, but with Astrid all he wanted to do was hold her.

The way her rear was pressing into his front wasn’t hurting matters either, as long as his reaction didn’t become _too_ noticeable.

…which it very quickly was, judging by the way Astrid’s hips shifted. He looked down at her face to see her eyes narrowing in a frown even as the corners of her mouth quirked.

He prayed for her not to say the words even as he watched her mouth open.

“Are…are you getting hard again?”

Hiccup swallowed. “No.”

“Mm. Really?” Oh damn her. Damn her and that magnificent ass and the way she was rubbing it against him like that. “You sure about that?”

Damn her.

He gripped her hip and pulled her hard against him, drawing a soft gasp from her lips. His hand moved lower, between her legs, and he swiped a finger through the wetness there. “Are you complaining?”

She shivered against him and glanced at him over her shoulder. “…no.”

“Good.” His free hand palmed her breast and pulled her against his chest while his fingers worked between her legs. Her eyes fell closed and her mouth fell open. She was beautiful like this. Her hips rocked slightly into his hand and the sweetest little breathy sighs fell from her lips.

He buried his face in her hair and ground his growing erection against her ass. He should take her from behind, he hadn’t done that yet, but gods did it sound like such an amazing idea now. He’d always loved watching her from behind.

“Hiccup,” Astrid sighed, and squirmed against his hand. “Gods. What is it with you and—ah—teasing me like this?”

He kissed the side of her face and watched her twisting expression. Gods, she was magnificent. “What would you rather I do?”

She made a little noise of frustration and fisted her hand in the blankets. “Get on with it,” she said, still squirming.

“Get on with what?”

She growled. “You know what.”

“Say it.”

She tried to shimmy away from his fingers but he bore down on her, leaning forward to press her hips into the furs. She was gasping and sighing, her face half-pressed into the pillow.

“ _Hiccup_ ,” she said, her voice almost a plea, but he wanted more. He wanted her begging for him, begging for this. He wanted the unattainable Astrid Hofferson begging him to fuck her. He was painfully hard already but he wanted to hear her say it. The girl he never thought would look his way belonged to him in a way she would never belong to anyone else, and he wanted to hear her say it.

“Say. It.” 

She whimpered, and her hand grabbed at his, trying to pry him away, but he held firm, and his free hand rose to grab hers and hold it down. “Say it, Astrid,” he growled into her ear, and she choked on a moan. “Tell me what you want.”

In a second, something changed.

Astrid sobbed.  “Stop, stop, stop!” She flailed in his arms and kicked at his legs, squirming out of his grip and scrambling across the blankets away from him. She sat up, pulling her arms and legs into her heaving chest and staring with wide eyes that looked right through him.

“Astrid, Astrid?” He reached for her but she flinched and he dropped his hand. She blinked a few times and he watched pinprick pupils widen and focus while her breathing slowed.

“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice, hugging her knees to her chest. He chanced a hand on her shoulder and she seemed to relax a little at the touch. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I don’t—I don’t know, I just…” she stumbled over her words, and he noticed she was trembling. “I know you wouldn’t, I know, I know you’d never, I just, you held me like that and, I don’t know, I don’t know, it’s been months and I trust you but that was, I don’t know.” She ran shaking hands through her hair and allowed Hiccup to pull her into his arms. “For a second it was all I could think about, you know, how you—you, how…” She exhaled. “I could just hear you telling me to lift up my skirt.”

Hiccup closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair.

He was the biggest idiot in the entire barbaric archipelago, probably in the entire world.

There he was, taking her for granted again. He’d wanted to see a side of her she only showed him, well, he’d got it. Nothing else they had ever done sexually had bothered her, but his force had triggered something, and in hindsight he couldn’t believe he didn’t see it coming.

“Don’t hold me down like that again,” Astrid whispered, and he hugged her tighter.

“I won’t,” he said. “I’m sorry. Astrid, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have guessed it either. And I trust you, you know I trust you, and I know you wouldn’t hurt me, I just—”

“It’s okay,” he interrupted, and stroked her hair. Her breathing was starting to normalize, and she wasn’t shaking quite as bad. “You don’t have to justify it. I made you uncomfortable. I understand.” He laid back down and pulled her with him. “I’m sorry.” She shivered and he pulled the furs around them. The fire had burned out long ago, but they’d had body heat to keep them warm.

“I’m sorry for ruining the mood,” she said, and Hiccup almost had to laugh.

“It’s fine, stop apologizing. It’s not like you.” The throbbing in his groin had subsided in light of the chaos and he was too worried about her to care. It never stopped being strange to him, this vulnerable side of Astrid. She had always been more likely to punch someone who insulted her than take any of it to heart, but it seemed her village’s betrayal had stoked some hidden insecurities.

He supposed it made sense though; she had always been so determined to be the best, had always pushed herself so hard and held herself to so impossibly high a standard. He had admired that about her, but now he saw the flipside of that: how insufficient she could make herself feel when she didn’t measure up.

She was strong, but she was not made of stone, and he had to force himself to remember that she had trusted him with the most fragile pieces of her.

After a long while she looked up at him, and he gave her a soft smile in hopes of cheering her up, but she didn’t return it. Her expression was unreadable and after a moment of trying he frowned.

“You okay?”

She didn’t answer, but after another long moment of staring at him she leaned forward and kissed him, and he took that as a sign she was at least a little bit okay. Her hand trailed down his  stomach and wrapped firmly around him and Hiccup grunted into her mouth.

“What are you doing?” he mumbled into their lazy kiss as she stroked him back to hardness.

“Trying something,” she answered, and her voice sounded stronger, more like herself, than it had a few minutes prior.

He broke their kiss to gasp at a particularly hard stroke and saw her looking at him like a hungry wolf. She let him go to push him onto his back and before he knew what was happening she was climbing onto his torso and straddling his hips. Hiccup swallowed.

“Astrid?” he asked, and she placed a finger over his lips.

“Stop talking.” He pursed his lips together, powerless to obey when she was looking at him like _that_. She ran her hands up and down his chest. “You turned out really well, who’d have thought?”

She shifted, rising onto her knees and positioning herself so that she was poised to take him in. Her fingertips skittered along the side of his shaft and he nearly choked on his own breath. “What do you want, Hiccup?”

He could have laughed from sheer relief if he didn’t want to cry from sheer frustration. His hands rose to light on her hips and he tried to press up but she lifted herself higher away as her hands pushed him back down.

“Say it.”

“You,” he grunted, trying to pull her hips back down. “Now.”

He watched her smile twist. “Say it right, Hiccup, I know you know how.”

He really did laugh this time. Now _this_ was Astrid. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

She chuckled and bit her lip. “Good, but not quite what I was looking for.”

He squeezed her ass. “That’s as much as you’re getting out of me.”

She smirked and raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see about that.”

At last she stopped fighting the downward pull of his hands and sank down on him, surrounding him with wonderful, blissful wet heat. A soft moan left him and he watched her beautiful plump pink lips fall open in a little sigh. Her hands splayed on his stomach and for a moment she sat still, adjusting.

He watched her teeth sink into her bottom lip, a look of gentle concentration on her face. She started to move, slowly and a bit awkwardly, trying a few different movements until she settled on one she liked. She moved much more slowly than he would have liked, but she was new to this and there was something wonderfully maddening about this pace. His hands rose to her small waist and he traced the curves of her ribs.

Her rhythm increased. Her head fell back, exposing the long pale column of her neck, and when her spine arched the tips of her long, long blonde hair swept his thighs. She was beautiful. She was radiant. Sweat was shining on her shoulders and chest and dripping down between her breasts. He reached up to palm them, his thumbs flicking gently over the pink peaks of her nipples and earning him a sharp little gasp.

Gods, the noises she made. She was so quiet; all breathy sighs and gasping breaths and soft mewls and whimpers. He adored them. She almost seemed determined _not_ to make much noise (a nice contrast to girls he’d known who’d tried too hard to reassure him they were enjoying it), and it made her final cries of ecstasy all the sweeter to his ears.

She felt amazing. More than amazing. All slick soft melting heat that robbed him of his sanity more than any girl he’d ever known. Her fingers curled on his stomach and her nails dug into the soft flesh. He tried to help her along, buck his hips in time with hers but the more he tried the harder she pushed him back down. She seemed determined to do this on her own, and he was too enthralled to deny her.

She staggered and gasped and he watched her face crumple and her body shake as she came. The glorious clench and flutter of her muscles around him pushed him so close to the edge but not close enough, and he grit his teeth against the desire to keep going when she slumped against him, panting, her chin falling against her chest and her hair falling in front of her face. He let her rest for a moment, everything in him still tense and wanting, until she lifted her face and looked at him out of hazy blue eyes. She gave him a soft smile.

“Come here,” he said, trying to pull her down so he could roll over on top of her, intending to give her a break since she looked more than a little winded, but she pushed his hands away, shaking her head.

She straightened her back and smiled down at him, a beautiful and strange glint in her eyes. Her open-mouth pants slowed, and his eyes were transfixed on her tongue, touching the back of her teeth. “Tell me what you want, Hiccup,” she said, grinding down enough to tease him but not _moving_ like he needed her to. Her hands trailed down his chest. “Say it right, this time.”

He couldn’t have denied her any less if she was the goddess Lofn herself, and right now he wasn’t entirely convinced she wasn’t. She’d had hers and she knew he was just on the edge of his and gods if she wasn’t going to make him beg for it.

“You,” he choked. “I want you.”

It wasn’t what she wanted but it earned him a little more movement, a little more friction.

“Mm. Want me to what?” Her eyes were glinting, fiery, dazzling, mischievous. She looked so pleased with herself, so _powerful_ , so completely and utterly _Astrid_.

He yielded. Of course he did. He was the boy watching her from around corners in awe once more.

“Fuck me. Take me. I’m yours. Gods, I’m yours…”

He didn’t expect her capable of the pace she set then, but she rode him, harder than she had yet, harder than he thought she would have liked, and he choked on his own breath and just before stars exploded across his vision it occurred to him that he couldn’t remember the last time a woman successfully made him beg.

When he found his way back she was smirking at him, the most beautiful pleased little smile on her face. She blew her bangs out of her eyes and grinned.

“Now _that’s_ more like it.”

Yes. Yes it was.

Xx

_He peered around the rocks down at the arena below. He was going to have to do this, there was no other way around it. He’d wanted to come at night, get them all out while Berk slept, but there was no time for that now. If only he’d gotten this information a few days sooner._

_But then, it was divine coincidence that he had this information at all._

_He’d only been back this side of the world for a couple of days and it had to be the work of the gods that he should have been in that tavern, on that night, seated close enough to that trader to overhear him talking…_

_“Just came from Berk, you see, nice village. Wish I could have stayed a while longer, though, they’re letting a young warrior kill a Monstrous Nightmare one day this week.”_

_He hadn’t worried about that in nearly two years. He hadn’t known when he left if they would have spared the dragon or just let Astrid kill it, and he supposed it might not even be the same one. It could be the next generation, some new recruit allowed to claim their prize._

_He’d seen so much of the world, done so much, run so far and let himself care so little about the place he’d left behind. It seemed so, so selfish now. He understood the situation better than he had back then, he knew ways to help. He couldn’t fix it all, couldn’t stop the war, but maybe he could stem the bloodshed, just a bit. Maybe he could stop_ this _._

_His hands shook as he pulled the mask over his head._

They won’t have any reason to guess it’s you, _he reminded himself. He’d changed far too much. He was still skinny, but he’d grown nearly a foot and there was muscle mass where there used to be scrawny bone. No one but Astrid had ever seen him with Toothless, and the last time he’d seen her she had been certain he was dead._

_The plan was simple. Get in, calm the Nightmare, get it and Toothless to free the other dragons before the entire village panics and starts attacking. Get out._

_He put the spyglass to his eye. In the middle of the arena stood Astrid, axe in the air. So it was her they were letting kill the Nightmare. He wondered why they put it off so long. Respect for the dead, perhaps?_

_Now or never. He climbed on Toothless. In daylight they’d be visible, so they had to be quick. A lap out to sea and back around the side of the mountain to build up speed and then straight into the Kill Ring._

_He and Toothless were both used to navigating in low visibility, so he had the precious moments while the smoke cleared to make the whistles and clicks that helped calm the Nightmare._

_It was surreal, standing here now. He could feel the eyes of his entire former village on him, see his father staring as he stroked the Nightmare’s snout. There was more gray in his beard than there used to be, Hiccup thought._

_The Nightmare and Toothless turned on the pens, and he kept to Toothless’s side while the Vikings made to attack. They were too late and he knew it; the damage had been done in those moments while they were too confused to move. By the time they entered the arena he was already poised to take off._

_It was Astrid that stalled him._

_She was as beautiful as ever. She was taller, curvier, and something about her features was softer. For half a moment he worried that she had figured it out, that she had made the connection between this mysterious stranger with a Night Fury and the last person she had seen in proximity to one. There was something about the way she looked at Toothless, though. She looked at him with the same confusion as the rest of the village, but she stared at Toothless with a strange sort of horror that made him think that if she didn’t recognize him, she at least recognized his dragon, and she was terrified of him._

_It’d been two years. He’d told himself long ago that he had never had a shot in hel with Astrid. He’d gotten over her. He’d met dozens of other beautiful girls and even bedded a couple of them. He and Astrid existed on opposite sides of a war._

_So why,_ why _, after all this time, did his heart still beat faster when he saw her?_


	19. Into the Inferno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS IS LATE IT'S NOT MY FAULT. If you didn't hear the saga, my laptop's charger cord stopped working Sunday night, and I couldn't get a new one delivered until today.
> 
> In important news, I'm going to have a short update next Monday, and then a one to two week hiatus while I sort some stuff out in my life and get some more plotting and writing done. I don't have the next few chapters of this as well plotted out as I'd like, and I want to get caught up so I'm not trying to finish writing these massive chapters at the last minute. So, in summary, short update next Monday, and then a one to two week hiatus. I'll have more details on the duration of the hiatus next week.
> 
> I'm just going to say this right now, I'M SO SORRY FOR HOW MUCH THE END OF THIS CHAPTER WILL MAKE YOU HATE ME.

“You really got to be her first word?”

“Well, she said ‘Sissy’, not ‘Astrid’, but she said that before ‘Mama’ or ‘Dada’, so I’m counting it. Toss me another one, will you?”

Hiccup pulled another half-thawed apple out of the bag at his side and tossed it to her. They’d spent the majority of the day in bed,  until two grumpy dragons grew tired of giving them space for this nonsense mating business and dragged them out for a flight. They sat now on a few rocks overlooking a small pond around which Stormfly and Toothless capered, chasing each other and bobbing their heads in some strange dragon conversation.

Hiccup took a bite of his own apple. “I bet your parents loved that.”

Astrid shrugged. “They were kind of used to it by then, I think. I was always her favorite.”

“Why was that?”

Astrid paused in peeling her apple. “I just spent a lot of time with her, I guess. Mom wasn’t as young as she used to be and having a new baby in the house was exhausting so I helped out a lot. And it helped with the trauma, I think, to have her to look after.”

Hiccup frowned at her. “Trauma?”

She didn’t look at him. “Of thinking I’d failed to save someone from being torn apart by a dragon.” She kept her eyes on her apple as she tossed the peel aside and cut off a chunk. “For a long time I didn’t want to talk to anyone, so I guess I found it easiest to spend time with Brenna.” A smile quirked her lips. “That led to some interesting rumors, though.”

“Like what?” Hiccup asked around a mouthful of fruit.

Astrid giggled and groaned. “Gods, looking back I can’t believe anyone even believed it for a second. I think the twins might have started it as a joke, and a few people thought they were serious. I don’t know that many people really believed it for very long, but a lot of people talked about whether they believed it or not.”

Hiccup raised his eyebrows. “You’re killing me with the suspense here, Astrid, get on with it.”

Astrid smiled at her feet. “Well, for a long time after what happened to you I didn’t want to go out and see people or do anything. I just kind of holed up in my house and stayed there, and then we had a really cold winter that year so when I did go out I was bundled under like, five layers of fur. And all this coincided with Mom being pregnant with Brenna, so—”

Hiccup groaned. “Oh, don’t tell me this is going where I think it is.”

She giggled. “So, somehow the rumor got started that Brenna was my daughter instead of my sister, and that Mom faked being pregnant to hide the scandal. And somehow this rumor managed a small circulation despite three midwives witnessing Brenna’s birth and no one ever seeing me look really pregnant.” She shrugged. “Most people knew it was ridiculous but there were a few gossip mongers who spread it anyway. Juicy gossip takes priority over logic sometimes, apparently.” She took another bite of her apple and glanced at Hiccup, who was frowning contemplatively at his apple core.

“So, wait, who were they saying fathered your supposed child?”

Astrid’s chewing slowed. She chewed carefully and swallowed, averting her eyes from Hiccup’s curious stare. “Well,” she began, toeing at a pebble. “Since usually when a girl gets pregnant outside of wedlock everybody scrambles to the altar and the whole thing is swept under the rug, and since that hadn’t happened, whoever was spreading this rumor decided that the father must be dead.”

She let that sink in for a moment, then glanced at Hiccup, who was still frowning, his eyebrows drawing together. He looked at her like that for a moment, waiting, and when she divulged no more information, his eyes widened as the implication finally dawned on him.

“No,” he said, then laughed, “No way, no, no, there is no way anyone could possibly have believed that!” She shrugged, and Hiccup threw his head back and cackled. “Oh my gods, you’ve got to be kidding me!” He looked at her, his eyes twinkling with mirth. “People were actually saying that? There were people who actually seriously thought it possible that I, scrawny, dorky, clumsy Hiccup, knocked _you_ up?”

Astrid giggled and shrugged again. “Like I said, I don’t know think that many people really believed it for very long, especially since there were three people who witnessed my mom giving birth to Brenna, but it got spread around anyway. I think it was one of those ‘It’s almost definitely not true, but wouldn’t it be a grand scandal if it was’ kind of things. Blame it on people like Cattail and Grimda, you know, the ones who won’t stop to think about the plausibility of something they’re told if it’s exciting or cool or scandalous enough? Anyway, yeah.” She laughed again. “The whole thing was super ridiculous.”

Hiccup sniggered. “Too bad that rumor didn’t last,  it would have gotten you out of the whole virgin sacrifice deal.”

Astrid’s smile faltered. “Yeah.”

She could feel Hiccup’s eyes on her. “Should I not have brought that up?” he asked, and Astrid shook her head.

“It’s fine.” She looked at him and smiled. “It’s not how I wanted my life to end up, but it is what it is and I like it.”

Hiccup’s smile stayed in place but the look in his eyes shifted. “Well I hope so, since you’re stuck with it now.” He looked down.  “I didn’t ever want you to feel like you were trapped in this, you know.”

She scooted closer to him and bumped his shoulder with hers. “I don’t feel trapped,” she said, and tilted her head to invade his line of vision. “I feel free.”

Their eyes met. “I never wanted you to have to give up everything for me,” he said quietly.

Astrid shook her head. “I didn’t just give it up for you,” she said. “I did it for me, and for Stormfly. And…” she trailed off and looked out over the pond. The sun was slipping past the horizon and gleaming off the water in oranges and pinks. “I saw Brenna during that raid last night.” She thought of her little sister, looking up at her in such amazement. “The way she looked at me…she didn’t look scared or upset or anything. She just looked at me like, I don’t know. Like seeing me on a dragon was the coolest thing she’d ever seen.” She smiled. “So everyone else can feel like I betrayed them, fine, they betrayed me first. But I saw Brenna, and I thought, so long as I haven’t let her down, I’ll be okay.”

There was a loud squawk beside her and she looked up in time to see Stormfly stomp over. She smiled and stood. “What is it, my brave girl?” she said, and accepted the nuzzles against her chest. “Do you just want some attention? I know I’ve been ignoring you today, but I promise I haven’t meant to.” She scratched under Stormfly’s chin and the dragon chirped her appreciation.

She heard a roar and looked to see Toothless shifting restlessly from foot to foot and baying at Hiccup. “Okay, okay,” he said, packing the rest of their picnic back into his bag and stranding to strap it back to the saddle. “You wanna go flying, I know.”

Xx

“Are you saying you’re _faster_ than me?”

“I’m saying I could be. Stormfly’s a pretty fast flier.”

Hiccup scoffed. “Yeah, but she’s not Night Fury fast. No dragon is Night Fury fast.”

 “Night Fury fast, please.” Astrid rolled her eyes. “The only reason anyone thinks Night Furies are the fastest dragon is because no one has ever been able to study their speed and because they’re fast enough and invisible enough during raids for no one to be able to tell how fast they’re going. You have no proof he’s actually the fastest dragon there is.”

If Hiccup looked offended, it was nothing compared to the look Toothless was giving her. His green eyes were narrowed and his nose was scrunched in a grumpy pout.

“I have plenty of proof!” Hiccup said, his voice high pitched with indignation. “I’ve been all over the world, and I’ve seen how fast Toothless can go at top speed, and it’s nothing like any other dragon I’ve ever encountered.”

“Mm, sure,” Astrid mused, scratching behind Stormfly’s crown of spikes. The sun had set by now, and the moon was full and bright above them. “But how do you know, really? Have you ever pitted a Night Fury’s top speed against another dragon’s top speed?” Stormfly chirped her agreement. “I’m just saying, I’ve seen Stormfly  hit some pretty high speeds when we’ve been flying. And we’ve never had trouble keeping up with you and Toothless.” She peered at Hiccup out of the corner of her eye to see him shaking his head and scoffing.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” he said. “You actually think you could outfly _us_. I mean, Night Fury, Astrid. Night. Fury.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve got yourself a fancy mysterious dragon,” she droned, smirking at Hiccup’s consternation. He was adorable when he was flustered about something. “I’m just wondering if you live up to the hype, is all.”

Hiccup’s eyes narrowed and the corner of his mouth turned up in a half-smile. He raised an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge, Hofferson?”

She pursed her lips against a smile. “Catch me if you can, Haddock.”

She nudged Stormfly’s flank and they shot off, Hiccup’s complaints and shouts of unfair head-starts echoing after them. Astrid laughed and looked back to see a determined Hiccup and Toothless gaining on them.

“Is that the best you’ve got?” Hiccup asked as they pulled up alongside. “Because really, I’m not impressed.”

Astrid glared. “Please, we’re not even trying. Come on, girl,” she patted Stormfly’s neck. “Show ‘em what you’ve got.” Stormfly lowered her head and her wings pumped harder and they put on a massive burst of speed that put them far ahead of the boys.

They were hurtling through the sky; the wind stung at her cheeks and eyes but the speed was exhilarating. She looked back to see where Toothless and Hiccup were, and caught only a black blur as it zoomed past, moving at such speed that they were well ahead and well in the lead by the time Astrid even registered what she’d witnessed. Toothless’s wings were pumping furiously, and Astrid growled in frustration as they continued to grow smaller and smaller as they flew further and further ahead.

“Come on, Stormfly,” she encouraged, her heel pressing into the dragon’s flank, but no matter how hard she tried or how fast she flew, Stormfly couldn’t hope to make up the distance. After a moment her dragon made a mournful cooing noise and settled into a glide. “No, come on!” Astrid shouted, rubbing Stormfly’s neck in an attempt at encouragement. “Don’t give up now, girl, we can still catch them!” But her dragon only looked back at her with an apologetic trill and slowed further. Astrid huffed and sat back in the saddle. Ahead of them Hiccup and Toothless were hovering in midair, waiting.

She wanted to slap the smug look off Hiccup’s face when they finally caught up.

“Shut up,” she said, before he could say anything. “So you win at a sprint; I bet we could take you at a marathon.”

“Sure you could.”

“I said shut up.”

“You know there’s a lot of things that can be said for Deadly Nadders,” Hiccup said conversationally as they both glided through the cold night air. “Beautiful scales, great trackers, strong fighters with those tails of theirs—”

“I will knock you off your dragon.”

“Decent shot limit, one of the hottest flames of all dragons, great aerial maneuverability, and you know, pretty good speed.”

“We’re never having sex again.”

Hiccup settled for snickering at her. “You’re the one who challenged a Night Fury to a race.”

“I mean it, Haddock. Never again.”

Hiccup shook his head. “We should head back,” he said, looking up at the moon above them. “We’ve gone a long way and it’s getting late.”

“Right,” she said, and adjusted the handles to direct Stormfly to turn but met resistance. “Stormfly?” Her dragon’s pupils suddenly narrowed into slits and her head popped up, looking from side to side in a jerky motion. “Stormfly? Come on, girl, let’s go home.” She tried again at turning her dragon around but Stormfly wasn’t listening. Astrid frowned. “Stormfly?”

“Astrid, we need to leave.” She didn’t immediately register the concern in Hiccup’s tone.

Astrid tugged again at the saddle. “She’s not listening to me.”

“We need to get out of here. We really, _really_ need to get out here.”

“I’m trying, aren’t you listening?” She looked over at Hiccup, who was frowning at the thickening clouds around them. Toothless’s pupils had narrowed as well, and he was warbling worriedly and shaking his head. Hiccup ran a hand over his head.

“I know, bud, I know. We’re about to leave, I promise,” he said absently, still looking at the clouds around them with a worried expression.

The mist had thickened to block out their view of the moon, though an eerie cool light still permeated the clouds around them. There was a soft growl nearby and Astrid whipped her head around in time to see a Monstrous Nightmare appear out of the fog. She held back a shriek of surprise. Around them more dragons were appearing: Nadders, Gronkles, Zipplebacks, Timberjacks, Hobblegrunts, dragons of breeds she’d never seen before. They all were flying near-silently in the same direction they were, but ignored them completely.

Nearly all of them carried food. Some had sheep or pigs in their claws, some had fishing nets full of fish. She saw a Thunderdrum carrying what looked like a shark.

“Astrid.” She turned back to Hiccup, who was flying close with his hand extended to her. “Get on. Come with me.”

She shook her head. “What? No. What’s going on?”

“No time to explain. Just get on. We need to get out of here while we still can.”

More and more dragons were appearing, all of them flying in the same direction and all of them carrying food. Something about the complete silence unnerved her. She pulled again at Stormfly’s saddle and again received no response. Stormfly’s pupils were narrowed to impossibly thin slits and she didn’t even seem to notice Astrid’s hand scratching under her chin or her foot digging into her side.

“I’m not just leaving her!” she snapped, glaring at Hiccup. “Why isn’t she listening to me?”

Hiccup shook his head. “Astrid, she’ll be fine, we may not be. I’ll explain on the way, but right now we need to get out of here.”

“Out of where? Woah!” They dove, all of them, Stormfly and Toothless and the innumerous dragons surrounding them. She gripped the saddle tight as they flew almost straight vertically down into the mists and into the darkness of an opening in the rock that had appeared out of nowhere before them. She had no control of Stormfly and therefore no option but to hold on tight, with Hiccup and Toothless hovering protectively close by. Toothless she noticed didn’t have the same narrowed-eyed blank look the rest of the dragons did, but he seemed to be fighting whatever call the rest of them were answering. He was restless, shaking his head and crooning, and Hiccup kept stroking his head or scratching his ears and murmuring reassurances.

Hiccup was no more comfortable. He kept his eyes on the dragons around them, lines of worry and fear etched on his forehead. The tight tunnel opened onto an enormous warm cavern surrounding a giant smoky pit from which emanated a red-orange glow. The dragons were swooping through the cave and dropping their kills into the mist below before settling on ledges.

Stormfly found one such ledge and landed, and immediately Astrid hopped off and came around to face her. “Stormfly,” she cooed, rubbing at her neck and trying to coax her dragon back to her senses. “Come on girl, it’s me, it’s Astrid. Look at me, Stormfly!” Stormfly ignored her, eyes narrow and fixed on the pit.

Something grabbed her arm and she whipped around, on edge and ready to strike, only to see Hiccup with one finger to his lips. “Come on,” he whispered. “We need to get out of here.” He tried to pull her back to where a nervous Toothless was waiting, shifting from foot to foot and wiggling all over.

“I’m not just going to leave her!” Astrid hissed, but Hiccup shushed her and pulled her towards Toothless.

“She’ll be fine,” he said, grabbing her other arm and dragging her back to his dragon. “She’ll catch up, now _come on_.”

Astrid dug her feet into the rock. “Hiccup, what is going on? I’m not just leaving my dragon behind without a damn good explanation!”

Hiccup stopped pulling and shoved his face close to hers. “Will you _keep your voice down?_ ” he growled through gritted teeth, glaring. “This is the nest, and we’re not exactly welcome here and we need to get out while we still can. Stormfly will be fine and she’ll find her way home later, now _come on,_ or Thor help me, I will knock you out and drag you home.”

His grip on her wrists had turned almost painful, and Astrid swallowed and nodded. Hiccup was scared, she could tell, and as much as she didn’t want to leave Stormfly, anything that scared Hiccup enough to put him in this kind of state was not something she wanted to meet.

She was about to open her mouth to answer when the silence around them was broken by a deep, rumbling roar from somewhere in the pit below. Around them the other dragons were shrinking back, slipping behind rocks and cowering against walls. Young dragons hid behind their mothers. Some dragons covered their faces with their wings. Hiccup yanked her forward and down behind a large rock. Before she could ask what was happening he clapped a hand over her mouth.

Hiccup peered around the side of the rock and after some awkward maneuvering around his grip on her face and arm she did too. Another deep roar echoed through the cavern; it vibrated through the rock beneath her feet and the air in her ears and left the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. A shadow appeared in the mist, growing larger and darker until it emerged into the open, huge and grey and scaly. Nostrils, then snout, then three eyes and huge knobbly crown, until the whole enormous head was visible.

She gasped against Hiccup’s hand and gripped his sleeve. She felt his shaky exhale against her ear. All around the cavern the other dragons were scrambling back further, some of them scurrying into tunnels. Astrid looked for Stormfly, and saw her dragon low to the ground and shivering as she pressed herself into the wall, as far away from the ledge as she could get.

The dragon queen blinked her three small eyes ( _six,_ Astrid thought, _six eyes total_. _No blind spot. Not good.)_ and sniffed the air with her huge nostrils. It growled.

Hiccup pulled her further behind the rock and crushed her to his chest. She could just barely hear him praying under his breath. Toothless crawled over them and spread his wings over their heads. She couldn’t see the giant beast anymore; just the ledge beyond their hiding place and the dragons trembling on crags and cliffs around the cave.

For a moment everything was quiet.

She closed her eyes, just for a second, just long enough to take a breath. It was like being back in that cove again, all that time ago, hiding behind a rock from the Night Fury that now was trying his best to hide them.

She opened her eyes.

A roar ripped the air and the dragon queen’s head crashed into the ledge outside their rock, huge jaws opening and closing on empty stone as she tried to wedge her head into their small hiding space.

Astrid screamed and buried her face against Hiccup’s chest. He held her tighter and Toothless roared and adjusted the angle of his wings. From under the crook where wing met shoulder she could barely see the ledge. There was another roar and the dragon tried again to reach them, though its huge skull prevented it from getting its mouth into their hiding place.

“Hiccup,” she whimpered.

“I’m thinking,” he said, his voice shaking. The dragon queen butted her head against the rocky wall beside them again, and above them Toothless roared. When the dragon queen drew back Toothless leapt out from behind the rock and shot a blast of plasma at its face. They heard the queen roar in anger and pain. Toothless answered her roar and fired again. The queen lunged towards him and Toothless jumped back behind the rock just before the place where he’d been standing was crushed by the queen’s armored skull.

There was a low growl, then quiet.

They hid behind the rock, the three of them, all tense and panting, while the quiet stretched on. Slowly, she and Hiccup peeked their heads around the boulder at their backs. The queen was still watching them, all six beady little eyes fixed on the rock that prevented her from getting at her prey. Her mouth opened, green gas bubbled up from the back of her throat.

Hiccup pulled her back behind the rock and Astrid pressed her face against his chest. This was it. A dragon that huge, if the fire didn’t melt the rock and them with it, then its fire would superheat the air around them and they’d bake. She could hear the building gasses, the building blast, and then there was a shrieking roar and the queen’s answering howl. When Astrid opened her eyes she could see Stormfly on a distant ledge, squawking as she flashed her wings and flung spikes from her tail at the huge dragon’s face. Stormfly flew higher, and the queen followed, head lifting further out of the mist and revealing the tops of enormous shoulders. She snapped at the little Nadder, and Stormfly nimbly hopped out of the way and fired more spikes at the queen’s face. Around them chaos was erupting. The other dragons were taking flight, filling the air with screeches and roars and the flapping of wings.

Hiccup grabbed her and pulled her roughly to her feet but her eyes were locked on Stormfly. “Stormfly!” She yelled, even knowing her voice wouldn’t reach her across the huge cavern and above the sounds of the other dragons. “Stormfly!” Hiccup’s arms wrapped around her waist and he hoisted her off the ground, half carrying her, half dragging her back to Toothless even as she kicked and screamed.

She knew it was hopeless. She knew it was illogical. She knew there was nothing she could do against a beast like that. She knew this was Stormfly trying to help, trying to save her, trying to distract the queen long enough for Hiccup to haul her into Toothless’s saddle, but that didn’t make it any easier when Toothless’s feet left the ground and she knew she may never see her dragon again.

The queen paid them no mind as they took to the air, blending in amongst the hundreds, maybe thousands of dragons beating their way out of the mountain. The last glimpse she got of Stormfly before they exited the top of what must have been a volcano, her brave little dragon was still avoiding the queen’s snapping jaws and flinging her tail spikes at its eyes.

The cold night air felt especially frigid compared to the warmth of the nest, and Astrid turned to hide her face in the crook of Hiccup’s neck. Around them she could hear the distant sounds of dragons dispersing in all directions, and even more distantly the deep rumbling roars of the dragon queen.

“She’ll be alright,” Hiccup said softly, his arms comforting around her waist. “And if she’s not, well, she defied her queen for you. That’s loyalty. That’s love.”

“This is all my fault,” Astrid mumbled into his neck, feeling tears start to gather in the corners of her eyes. “I should have listened to you when you tried to get me to leave.”

“Hey, no,” Hiccup pulled back so he could look at her. “If you wanna play the blame game, blame me. I should have explained sooner. I should have paid more attention to where we were, to where we were going.”

“You would have if I hadn’t challenged you to that stupid race,” Astrid said miserably. “This is all my fault.” Hiccup’s arms pulled her into him again.

“No, Astrid no.” He shook his head and buried a kiss in her hair. “No, this is not your fault. And there may not even be any fault. Stormfly’s fast and she’s smart. She could easily have gotten away.” She closed her eyes. She wanted desperately to believe him, but she felt like someone was squeezing her heart with an iron clamp, and she knew that if she allowed herself to hope it would only hurt that much more if Stormfly didn’t come home.


	20. Hope and Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so starting now this fic is on a very brief hiatus. I’m taking a couple weeks off to work on writing a few chapters and plotting some things out as well as dealing with some things in my personal life. Also, I need a little bit of a break. I feel like keeping to my update schedule is turning this fic into too much of a chore, and I never want my writing to feel like that. I feel like my quality is suffering, so I think I need some time to take a step back, take a break, and then work on writing a few more chapters so I’m writing ahead of where I’m posting. I’m also thinking about changing up my update schedule. Either I need to be writing shorter chapters (3-5k words) and still update once a week, or updating once every two weeks and writing longer chapters (6-8k words). If you have a preference you can let me know in comments or on tumblr or whatever.  
> Anyhow, Persephone will return on February 9. Which is three weeks from today. I know, I know. But shit gets real when it returns, so there is that. I don’t abandon my stories, ever. I’m taking this hiatus because I want to make sure I am giving you all the best fic I can.

She was exhausted, but sleep was impossible.

Astrid had paced at first, around and around and around the fire burning in the center of the open entrance cavern Stormfly usually nested in, waiting. Now she could do nothing but sit in silence and shock. Hours had passed, and still no Stormfly.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Hiccup was saying to her now, his arms around her and his lips nuzzling kisses in her hair. “She could be injured, or just tired, and resting somewhere. It’s a long flight back here, she might just be taking her time.”

“It’s been hours.” Her own voice sounded distant. She felt numb. In all likelihood, Stormfly was gone. Her beautiful brave dragon had given up everything to protect her.

“Like I said, she could be resting somewhere. Maybe for the night.”

“Hiccup, please stop.”

“No,” he said, and his arms tightened around her shoulders. “I’m not letting you give up yet. Tomorrow we’ll go looking for her. I know where to find other Nadders. We’ll track her. We’ll find her, even if…well, we’ll know for sure, then.” He kissed her ear. “Until then, you are not allowed to believe the worst.”

She closed her eyes and buried her face in his shoulder. Toothless padded over and curled around them, and his warm belly at her back was less a comfort and more a cruel reminder that she may never feel her own dragon curled around her again.

“What am I going to do if she doesn’t come back?” Astrid whispered into Hiccup’s shirt.

His fingers drew circles on her shoulder. “You have to stop thinking like this,” he said.

“But what will I do? Just…just humor me, okay? I don’t want to get my hopes up if I’m never going to see her again.”

Hiccup sighed. “We could find you another dragon,” he offered after a long moment.

Astrid snorted. “Find another dragon. That easy, huh?” She glared up at him. “Could you just ‘find another dragon’ if something happened to Toothless?”

Hiccup looked away. “No. Of course not.” He sighed again and shrugged. “But you asked and I didn’t know what to say.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to tell you, Astrid. If she really is gone then there won’t be anything I can do or say to make it better and I know that. But,” he said firmly, looking her in the eye and frowning. “We don’t know that she’s gone yet, so seriously, stop assuming the worst. You’re not helping anyone by doing that.”

Astrid pulled out of his arms and got to her feet and started pacing around the fire again.

“Why are you not more worried about this?” she snapped.

“I _am_ worried,” Hiccup said. “But I’m also not going to mourn her until we know she’s dead.” He stood and caught her as her pacing brought her in front of him again. He held her shoulders firmly and looked into her eyes, his forehead creased and those bright green eyes shining with determination and promise. “She might still be okay, Astrid.”

Her shoulders sagged. “Do you really believe that or are you just saying that to make me feel better?”

His lips quirked in a small smile. “I really believe it,” he said. “She’s like you, she wouldn’t go down easy. She was faring pretty well when we got out of there, and she was just trying to distract the queen long enough for us to get out, she wasn’t trying to take her down all on her own. She would have gotten out of there as soon as she knew we were safe.”

She found herself relaxing into his touch. There was just something about that smile; it was calming and reassuring and made her heart beat a little faster all at the same time.

“How do you do that?” she asked, a humorless smile pulling at her lips. “How do you say impossible, crazy things like that and make me believe them?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, pulling her into a hug. “Maybe I’m just persuasive.”

“You really are, you know,” she said, her arms rising to wrap around his back. She sighed and rested her chin on his shoulder. “I wish I could believe impossible things as easily as you can.”

“It’s not really that easy,” Hiccup said quietly. “And I can’t, always. I wish I could, but… I’m not really very good at looking at the bright side of things.”

Astrid wasn’t sure she believed that, but something in the way he said it made her not want to contradict him, at least not right now. “Well,” she said, squeezing him tighter, “You’re pretty good at helping me look at the bright side when it matters anyway.”

He chuckled and pressed his face into her neck. “Well, that’s something, I suppose.”

She never really completely fell asleep, though she did doze off, cozy next to the warmth of Hiccup’s side and Toothless’s belly. Her mind did strange things to her every time she tried to give in to the exhaustion and sleep, though. She’d be more than half-asleep, just on the verge of properly giving in, when her mind would tell her some strange dream-logic, and she’d have the nonsensical half-thought that if she fell asleep she would be condemning Stormfly for good. It made absolutely no sense, but her scrambled, tired mind didn’t question it. She’d shake herself back almost to waking, then the nonsense would fade and she’d slip back towards sleep.

“ARAWK!”

She was sure it was a dream the first time she heard it.

“RAAAEEEK!”

There it was again, louder, clearer, and even half-awake she let herself hope.

“Astrid!” Hiccup’s voice cut through the haze of waking, cementing reality, and Astrid blinked her eyes open. Sunlight was beginning to pour through the opening in the rock, and a large shadow tumbled through it. Before she could look at it Toothless was getting up and she was falling over backwards.

The fall jolted her awake, and when she sat up she saw bright blue scales gleaming in the early morning sunlight.

“Stormfly!” Exhaustion weighed down her bones and left her legs weak and shaky but she fought through it as she sprinted across the room to where Stormfly was making a rough landing. There was a large gash on her right leg that was pouring blood, and her knee buckled as soon as she landed. She stumbled to the ground with a sad squawk.

Astrid threw her arms around her dragon’s horn and pressed her face against her snout. “Stormfly,” she breathed, relief flooding her veins and making her feel dizzier than the exhaustion. “Oh girl, I’ve been so worried!” It didn’t even bother her that her voice cracked or that tears were streaming down her cheeks. Stormfly chirped affectionately and moved her braid over her shoulder.

“I’ll be right back,” Hiccup’s voice came from behind her. “We need to do something about that leg.” Astrid pulled back to look Stormfly over. The gash on her upper leg ran from the top of her thigh diagonally down to her knee. It was wide, but it didn’t look too deep, though with the amount of blood it was difficult to tell. Her tail was stripped of all its spikes, leaving only the soft scales of those which hadn’t completely grown in yet. She’d used up even those spikes which hadn’t hardened completely yet, a painful option Nadders only used as a last resort when they’d run through their mature spikes. Otherwise though, she looked unharmed, if exhausted.

Hiccup soon returned with water and supplies to clean and dress the wound. Stormfly shuddered and pulled away when they tried to wash away the blood, but eventually Astrid managed to comfort and calm her while Hiccup cleaned it out.

“It’s not that deep,” Hiccup confirmed once the wound was clean. “She’s probably lost a lot of blood, but she should be okay with plenty of rest. We just need to get this patched up and keep her from picking at it, which isn’t going to be easy.”

Astrid stroked her dragon’s snout. “What do you need me to do?”

Hiccup scratched at his neck, frowning in thought at the injury. “If you can focus on keeping her calm I can stitch this up. She’s not going to like that. I wish I had something to sedate her…”

Astrid nodded and patted Stormfly’s horn while her other hand snuck under her chin to scratch at that spot that made her melt to the floor in a happy daze.

Stitching up Stormfly’s wound proved extraordinarily difficult. Dragon skin was much tougher than human skin, and Hiccup broke two needles on her scales before he found one that would do the job. Stormfly meanwhile snuggled her face into Astrid’s stomach and proceeded to make a series of pitiful trills that broke Astrid’s heart.

 _This is my fault,_ she thought.

“I know girl, I know.” She scratched behind Stormfly’s crown. “You were amazing last night,” she told her. “You were so brave, and so selfless. Thank you.”

Stormfly chirped and tucked Astrid’s braid over her shoulder again. Stormfly loved to preen, and she loved to preen Astrid. Never a hair out of place, as long as she was around. Stormfly didn’t smile as obviously as Toothless did, but her lips would pull back over her teeth in something close.

Astrid returned the smile. “I love you, Stormfly.”

In the end they got the gash sewn up and dressed, and Hiccup covered her tail in a salve to help protect the tender scales while they matured and hardened.

At long last her terrible ordeal was over and Stormfly could relax, her head on Astrid’s lap and face nuzzled into her stomach.  Astrid sighed and draped herself over her dragon’s head. She was completely exhausted, but happy. Stormfly was safe, she and Hiccup and Toothless were safe; all was well.

Xx

The next day saw Stormfly receiving more pampering than she had ever experienced in her life. A huge breakfast of all of her absolute favorite fish and plenty of treats, followed by lots and lots of snuggles and scratches and even some dragon nip. She wasn’t up to flying, so she and Astrid spent their day lounging in Stormfly’s cave, curled up enjoying each other’s company. Astrid’s fingers ached from scratching her dragon’s chin, but she had to keep her occupied lest she start picking at her bandages again.

She didn’t really mind, though. She’d gladly scratch Stormfly’s chin for the rest of her days if it meant Stormfly was there to share them with her. Stormfly seemed equally relieved that her little wingless hatchling was safe. She’d kept a wing or a tail around Astrid at all times, and had been visibly distressed in those few rare occasions Astrid had momentarily left her, even if Hiccup was there to keep her company.

Still, it was hard to mind.

Hiccup gave her a smile and a salute as he and Toothless returned from their evening flight. “How is she?” Hiccup asked as he dismounted.

“Alright. I changed her bandages again and she’s stopped scratching at them.”

Hiccup came to sit beside her and stroke the base of Stormfly’s horn while Toothless snuggled up next to Stormfly. The two dragons had become good friends, and he was clearly relieved that his friend was okay. The four of them sat in companionable silence for a while, thankful to all be safe and together.

“I don’t feel free.”

Astrid looked up, surprised by Hiccup’s admission. He didn’t look at her; his face was carefully blank and turned to Stormfly.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday about how you feel free.” There was the slightest crease between his eyes. “I don’t feel free. I used to, but I don’t anymore. I haven’t in a long time.” He glanced at her, just for a moment. “I’m glad you do, though. I hope you never lose that feeling.” He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly through his nose. The little crease between his eyes softened away, and something in his expression shifted very slightly. Everything seemed to fall and loosen, and the result was that he looked very very tired and older than his twenty years.

“I’ve never been to the nest before,” he said. “I’ve seen other nests, but not that one. Toothless always got so nervous when we got close, so we’d turn around. I decided it was best never to go, especially if the queen was what I thought. In some ways I think she was worse, though she was actually a bit smaller than I expected.” He looked at her, those beautiful green eyes doleful. “What am I supposed to do against something like that, Astrid? What _can_ I do?”

She didn’t know how to answer. He turned his attention back to Stormfly. “I used to travel. I used to go everywhere, all the time. I can only really go around the holidays, now. While the dragons are all off at their nesting grounds. I can’t go as far or be gone as long as I used to. My whole life is just raid after raid after raid. It never ends. I stop the dragons, I stop the Vikings, and the next night I start all over again. I don’t know if I’m doing any real good.” He shrugged. “And it’s not like I can stop. There were times I wanted to, though. Times I wanted to climb on Toothless and just…” He looked to the darkening sky beyond the opening in the rock wall and held up his hand. “…take off.” His hand arced through the air and fell against his knee. “I can’t, though. What happens to all of them if I leave?” He shook his head. “I want to not care,” he said, his voice so low she could barely hear it. “But I can’t not care. I can’t not help. Even when it all feels useless and hopeless, I can’t _not_ help.” He faced her again. “What am I supposed to do, Astrid? Keep interfering? Keep going to every raid in every village until the day I drop?” He sighed. “Something has to change, but I don’t know what. I don’t know how.”

Astrid swallowed. “If we could get rid of the queen, or break the dragons’ allegiance to her—”

“How?” Hiccup interrupted. “What can we do against something like that?” His voice was stronger, though this was not where she wanted to hear his conviction come through.

“Maybe it’s not the dragons we need to go after, maybe it’s the Vikings. If we could change their minds—”

Hiccup’s bitter laughter cut her off. “Yeah, that’ll work.” She frowned. Most of the time he leant his sarcasm to wit and humor, but she hated to hear it appear as a result of his cynicism. “Defeating a giant dragon would be easier than changing Viking minds.”

Astrid looked at him. “You changed my mind.”

For a moment he didn’t answer. “You’re different.”

She shook her head. “Not that much different. I was always the model Viking. _You’re_ the one who was different. You always thought it was a bad different but I think it was a good different. And I meant it, you really are persuasive.” She put a hand on Hiccup’s shoulder. “And if you could change my mind, then maybe you could change theirs.”

Hiccup stared blankly into space for a moment longer, then shrugged off her hand. “No, I couldn’t.” Her heart sunk. “People didn’t listen to me when I was the heir of Berk. No one’s going to listen to me if I’m the so-called Dragon Master. Thor knows my dad wouldn’t ever listen.”

Astrid huffed. Hiccup was right on many counts and she knew it. What were they supposed to do against a dragon of that size? And how exactly were they supposed to convince the entire Viking society to put aside 300 years of aggression and war?

Somehow, she thought, there had to be a way. And if a way existed, Hiccup would be able to find it.

“Well, if they won’t listen, maybe you just have to show them,” she said, leaning into Hiccup’s field of vision.

“How?” he asked, and Astrid’s shoulders slumped. That was the question of the night, apparently, and it was the one she knew she had no answer to.

“Keep doing what we’re doing, I guess,” she said, even though it felt no more like a solution than anything they’d said so far. “We keep fighting, and hope that one day they realize that we’re helping, not hurting.”

“Maybe,” Hiccup said, though he didn’t sound like he believed it. He sighed and shook his head. “Something has to change.”

Astrid rested her head on his shoulder. “Something has. I’m here now. And they know I’m on your side. Who knows? Maybe something will come out of that.”

Xx

“Is Sissy coming home soon?”

Arvid and Ingrid looked at each other across the breakfast table. Neither one of them had slept very well the last few nights, and both had been barely picking at their breakfasts. At her seat Brenna was as cheerful as always, alternating between pressing her spoon to her doll’s mouth and sticking it in her own.

Arvid nodded at his wife and she reached a hand across to place it on one of Brenna’s. The little girl looked up.

“Now Brenna, love,” she said, “We’ve talked about this, poppet. Astrid…Astrid isn’t coming home.”

“Of course she is,” Brenna chirped, and fed her doll another spoonful of oatmeal. “When she’s done.”

Arvid and Ingrid exchanged looks. “Done with what?” Arvid asked, leaning forward in his seat.

Brenna shook her head. “Not telling, it’s a secret.”

“Secret?” Her parents shared another look, this one significantly more panicked. “What’s a secret?” Ingrid demanded.

Brenna giggled. “I can’t _tell_ you. That’s the whole point of a secret!”

Arvid got out of his chair and came around the table to kneel on the floor next to Brenna’s chair. He gently placed his big hands on Brenna’s tiny shoulders.

“Brenna, listen to me. Put down the dolly, sweetheart, look at Daddy.” Brenna smiled at him. “How do you know Astrid is going to be back? Have you spoken to her?”

Brenna blinked in confusion, then shook her head. “Nope. Why, have you? Can you tell her I miss her? And to tell her friend I said hi?”

Arvid’s eyes widened. “Her friend?” Brenna’s mouth fell open and her eyes grew big and round.

“I mean, never mind.”

Ingrid came to join them, leaning over her husband’s shoulder to look Brenna in the eye. “Brenna,” she said, her voice dipping into that low warning tone Brenna knew all too well. “What do you mean about Astrid’s friend?”

The little girl snapped her lips closed and shook her head.

Arvid frowned and his grip on her shoulders tightened just a bit. “Brenna, why would you want to say hi to Astrid’s... _friend_?” He paused at the word. “Have you spoken to him?”

Brenna looked back and forth between her parents’ worried faces. “Um…N-no?”

“Brenna,” her mother started, but Brenna shook her head and clutched her dolly closer.

“I’m not telling, it’s a secret.”

“Brenna—”

“It’s a secret!”

“Brenna Hofferson, I swear to Thor—”

“I CAN’T TELL YOU, IT’S A SECRET!”

They pulled away; the look on their faces the same one Brenna had seen them wear every time Astrid had turned down yet another suitor.

“Eat your breakfast,” Ingrid said, and pulled her husband to the corner of the kitchen. Brenna watched their quiet, tense conversation with curiosity. Were they worried about Astrid? They didn’t need to be. She was fine. She was more than fine—she’d been riding on a _dragon_. That was even cooler than fighting dragons; she didn’t understand what everyone was so worked up about.

“Are you worried about Sissy?” she asked, and her parents’ conversation stopped. They both looked at her.

“I know I’m not supposed to say anything,” she said, wringing her hands in the fabric of her skirt, “But you shouldn’t be worried about Astrid. He said she’d be fine.”

For some reason that Brenna didn’t understand, this statement did not reassure her parents the way she thought it would.


	21. They Used to Shout My Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently reached 1000 followers on tumblr, and this fic has nearly reached 1000 followers on ff.net, so I was thinking about doing a video thank you and Q&A to celebrate. If you're interested, you can send me questions for it. They can be about me, about this fic, about any of my other fics; whatever.
> 
> I have decided to do shorter, weekly chapters over longer bi-weekly chapters. It's an easier schedule for me to keep to, and there are some big events in upcoming chapters that I kind of want to keep as separate chapters.

The men rushed up the mountain towards the tower of grey smoke and the sound of roaring dragons. The village below was in turmoil; their catapults had been destroyed by the shadowy figure that dove down to unleash his unholy power before disappearing into the dark skies again.

However they had yet to see him near this side of the island, where the pens for captured dragons were nestled into the side of the mountain above the training arena. Whatever had caused the blaze they approached it was not his doing. The men reached the crest of the hill, weapons raised in preparation for battle, and stopped short at the sight that greeted them.

Where once had stood their glorious multistoried arena, with areas for training, combat, and even sports, now there was only a crater of twisted, melted metal and crumbled stone. Behind it the doors of every dragon pen had been blasted open.

In front of the wreckage, among a group of purring, growling dragons, there stood a young woman stroking the snout of an enormous, ancient Monstrous Nightmare who had curled protectively around her.

“It’s amazing how gentle they can be when you show them a little affection. Isn’t that right, old girl?” she said, paying the gathered warriors no mind.

They had heard the stories by now. The isle of Berk had tried to appease the Dragon Master’s wrath by gifting him a young maiden, and in the months since other villages had reported seeing a young woman sneaking about during raids. Somehow, they had expected something different of this mysterious young woman. The girl standing before them was perhaps no older than twenty and an undeniable beauty, though there was something savage about her. Her blonde hair fell in a long braid over her shoulder, where a thick short woolen cloak was wrapped and pinned with a brooch made from an elaborately carved Nadder spike inlaid with gold. Her kransen and the hem of her simple gray skirt were decorated with dragon scales of every color. An axe was strapped to her back.

The leader of this small band of warriors, the burly young son of the chief, stepped forward and pointed his mace at the girl. “Get away from those dragons! Those are our dragons!”

“Are they?” she asked, stepping back as the Monstrous Nightmare lifted its wings and flapped lazily into the sky. Several of the other dragons followed, winging off into the night. “They don’t seem very loyal.”

“ _We_ captured them—”

“And that makes them yours?” she interrupted, slim brows rising above cold blue eyes.

The young man grit his teeth. “We captured them once, and we’ll take them again.”

The girl smirked and kindly deflected the Gronkle trying to nuzzle against her. She took the axe from her back and hefted it in slender hands.

“Let me make this clear,” she said, and the men watched nervously as the remaining dragons prowled closer to the girl, forming a defensive ring around her. One of them, a Nadder none of them recognized, raised the spikes on its tail and sidled close. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.” She smiled brightly and ran her hands up and down the handle of her axe. “Personally, I prefer the hard way, but it’s up to you.” Her smile faded into a hard glare and she slid into a battle stance. “But one thing’s for sure: I’m not letting you harm these dragons.”

Xx

“Brenna,” Stoick said, the words pushed through gritted teeth, his palms flat on the table in front of him as he called on every ounce of parental patience he possessed. “It is very, very important that you tell us what you know about this. I know you made a promise, but there are more important things right now than keeping a secret.”

The little girl sitting before him with chubby little arms crossed over her chest was unimpressed. “This secret is the most importantest. I’m not telling.”

Stoick’s hand squeezed into a fist. “Brenna, this is serious. I know this must be difficult for you to understand, but you have to tell us what you know. Your big sister’s safety could be on the line.”

Brenna shook her head, blonde pigtails bobbing. “No, she’s safe,” she said nonchalantly. “I know she’s safe.”

Stoick took a deep breath and sighed. “ _How_ do you know? Did Astrid tell you, have you spoken to her?”

Brenna shook her head.

“But you’ve spoken to someone else, haven’t you. A friend of Astrid’s?”

Brenna pinched her bottom lip in her fingers and pulled it up over her top one, shaking her head in defiance.

“Listen to me, Brenna,” Stoick tried again, his patience wearing thin. He remembered Hiccup’s toddler days; all insatiable curiosity and stubbornness and taking apart his toys to see how they worked rather than playing with them. At the time he had been glad to see those days go, happy that Hiccup could dress and feed himself without making a mess or pitching a fit (most of the time, at least). Now, though, he’d take the tantrums and the tears and the spilled bowls and the oatmeal smeared across Hiccup’s face and in his beard if it meant just one more day with his son. “The person you met, he is a very bad person, and you can’t trust what he told you, not even about Astrid. If he asked you to keep a secret, then you can’t trust him. You have to tell us what he said.”

Brenna considered this for a moment, sparse blonde brows knitting together and lips pursing in thought. She smiled and shook her head. “No, I can trust him. I can tell. He’s Sissy’s friend. I know I can trust him. He knew about my Bad Dream Song.”

Stoick raised an eyebrow. “Your what?”

“Her Bad Dream Song,” Ingrid spoke up from behind him, where the Hofferson parents huddled together, anxiously watching. It had taken them weeks to decide whether or not to tell Stoick about what Brenna had said, still reeling as they were, but after a few weeks of failing to get the little girl to tell them anything, they decided a figure with more authority might have slightly better luck. “She gets nightmares, and she’d go to Astrid and they made up this little song to sing when she got scared.”

Stoick turned back to Brenna. “What else did he tell you? What else did he say about Astrid?”

Brenna sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes. “What part of ‘it’s a secret’ don’t you people understand? I’m not gonna say anything.”

Both of Stoick’s hands turned into fists on the table and he leaned closer towards the little girl. “Brenna, no more games. You _have_ to tell us.”

She crossed her arms and jutted out her chin. “No. Not telling and you can’t make me.”

“Brenna Hofferson. I am you chief. Do you know what that means? It means I am in charge, and when I tell you to do something, you _have_ to do it.” Stoick wasn’t sure that a child this little really understood authority, but all attempts at being kind and gentle had failed. It was time to be firm. “As your chief, I am _ordering_ you to tell me what you know about Astrid and the man you spoke to!”

“Not telling!” Brenna said, her little voice rising.

“Brenna, tell us.”

“No!”

“Brenna—”

“No! NO NO NO!”

His patience snapped. “TELL US!” he shouted, his fist slamming down on the table.

He regretted his actions immediately. The little girl’s eyes went wide and he watched her bottom lip tremble, a high pitched whine starting in warning before she burst into tears.

“That’s enough!” said Ingrid, rushing forward and picking up her wailing daughter. Brenna wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck and buried her face in her shoulder. “This is going nowhere. She’s obviously not telling us anything else!”

Stoick sighed in frustration and shook his head. “I’m sorry for losing my temper, but we _need_ to find out what she knows, especially given what we now know.”

“Regardless,” Ingrid said, glaring at him. “She’s just a little girl. She doesn’t understand what’s happening.” She stroked her daughter’s hair until the sobs subsided into muffled sniffles. “We’ll try to get her to talk later if we can, but I can’t guarantee anything. You know how children are.”

She turned on her heel and Stoick watched them go before sinking into his seat. There had been nothing for a week after _that_ raid, but slowly the letters started.

Ten raids in the last month on various islands and she’d been spotted at eight of them, soaring above the village on her Deadly Nadder, or else on the ground, fighting Vikings off of downed dragons.

It was strange, really, the way these other chiefs described their people’s encounters with this young woman. There had always been fear surrounding discussions of the Dragon Master, but it was surreal hearing them apply that fear to Astrid as well. The Dragon Master stuck to the skies, swooping down to dole out destruction or pull dragons away from certain targets (ostensibly to send them on to more valuable targets.) He was a dark, mysterious figure that never got too close if he could avoid it.

Astrid, on the other hand, was often seen on the ground, in the fray, communing with dragons or swinging her axe at anyone who tried to harm one. She seemed to be making an effort not to kill or seriously harm anyone, all the reports agreed. Her axe was often blunted; she made non-lethal attacks, preferring the flat side of her axe or the handle to the blade.  There had been a lot of bruises and broken bones along with plenty of cuts and scrapes, but the worst anyone had suffered were a couple of lost toes.

Protecting her always was the Deadly Nadder, who was reportedly slightly less discerning about her use of deadly force, though there had yet to be any deaths from her either.

And of course anyone who got past the dragon and put Astrid in too much danger often found themselves nose to nose with the Night Fury and his rider.

Stoick thought back to the night of the sacrifice, to the look of terror on Astrid’s face. He thought of how she had begged him not to do it, how she had brought up Hiccup, how she had insisted his death was not her fault.

Hiccup _would_ be ashamed.

The girl who had failed to save him from a dragon, now helping the dragons.

They should have chosen someone else, someone weaker, less vindictive.

No, it wouldn’t have worked anyway, Stoick thought to himself. They had meant to give the Dragon Master a distraction, the equivalent of a bed slave, perhaps. Instead they’d given him, at the least, an ally, and at the most, a bride.

Xx

“ ‘Dragon Girl’? Is that the best they can come up with? ‘Dragon Girl’? Hope that one doesn’t catch on.” Astrid tossed the poster onto the small stack of others she’d already looked at and picked up another. She shifted, her weight resting on her elbows as she lay on her stomach on the furs and cushions of their bed. Hiccup lay on his back beside her, watching her lazily, still wearing that soft smile of post-coital bliss and nothing else.

Astrid smoothed the wrinkles out of the parchment and held it up so Hiccup could see it as well. Like the others in the stack Hiccup had surprised her with it was emblazoned with the words, “WANTED: ALIVE” above a sketch of someone she could only assume was supposed to be her.

“This one doesn’t even look like me!” she said, laughing. “What’s happening with my nose? They haven’t got the shape even _close_ to right.”

Hiccup laughed along with her and pointed at the drawing. “What’s happening with your nose? What’s happening with your _eyes_? Why are they so far apart, you could fit like three more eyes in there!”

“I’m pretty sure every island in the entire barbaric archipelago needs to hire a new sketch artist. These have all been terrible.”

Hiccup grinned at her. “I could do some sketches of you and send them out if it bothers you that much.” Astrid rolled her eyes and flicked his nose. He swatted her hand away and pointed at the text at the bottom of the poster. “At least this one gives you a cool name, though. ‘Bride of Dragons’, that’s pretty cool.”

Astrid frowned. “I don’t know.”

Hiccup rolled over onto his stomach and nudged her shoulder with his own. “Really? Why not?”

Astrid shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s better than ‘Dragon Girl’, and it’s a lot better than what that other one called me; ‘Dragon Master’s Whore’, I mean, seriously, that’s just insulting, but it still just paints me as _yours_ or something.”

Hiccup kissed her ear. “You are mine.”

She leaned into his touch, skin still sensitive after their earlier lovemaking. “You know what I mean. Besides, ‘Bride of Dragons’ sounds more like I’m bedding the dragons instead of you.”

Hiccup plucked the poster out of her hands and dropped it onto the ‘read’ pile. “Well, let’s see what else we’ve got, then shall we?” He reached over her to pick up another poster.

“There’s no way that’s me!”

“At least they got your nose right.”

Astrid buried her face in her hands. “That’s _all_ they got right.” She giggled into her palms. “These are all so terrible.”

“Ooh, babe, this one calls you the ‘Valkyrie of Destruction.’ Now there’s a name.”

Astrid looked up. “Really? ‘The Valkyrie of Destruction.’ Hm. I like that. Maybe that’ll catch on.”

“What, you don’t want ‘Dragon Girl’?”

She shoved his shoulder playfully. “What else, come on?”

Hiccup picked up another poster. “Ouch, ‘Whore of Dragons’.”

“What?!” Astrid snatched the poster out of his hands. The drawing wasn’t much better; she was sure this particular artist had gone out of his or her way to make her look ugly. “Whore of Dragons? What kind of rotten, troll-breathed, dung brain came up with that? Where’s this from? The Visithugs. What did I ever do to them?!”

“You burned down their armory.”

Astrid tossed her tangled hair over her shoulder and the poster into the fire. “Only on accident. I was just trying to calm that Zippleback down. ‘Mistress of Fire’, now that’s a good name. See that’s _respect_. The Meatheads get it. The Visithugs could really learn a thing or two from them. Do they really think it’s wise to insult someone who has the power to rain fire down on their heads? I mean come _on,_ at least _try_ to win my favor.”

Hiccup laughed. “You sound like an angry goddess.”

“Good,” she chirped in reply, smirking. “I’m the Valkyrie of Destruction, remember. I choose who lives and who dies on the battlefield.” She grinned at him. “Speaking of which, why do all these want me alive? I mean the ones I’ve always seen for you call for dead or alive, but all of these very specifically say alive.”

“Dunno,” Hiccup replied, picking up the stack of posters they’d already read and riffling through them. “Probably something to do with my dad. Yeah, here.” He pulled one poster out of the stack, one of several that actually mentioned her by name. “Look at the bottom: ‘The bounty will be given to anyone who can return Astrid Hofferson to Stoick the Vast, chief of Berk, alive.’ Berk wants you back alive; my dad probably put the word out.”

Astrid hummed in thought as she read and reread the words. “Wonder what they want me back for, after all this.”

“Put you on trial, maybe? I don’t know.” He swapped the poster for another one. “Here’s another one that calls you the Valkyrie of something. Fire, this time. And—that’s all of them.”

“Was there this much indecision when it came to naming you?” Astrid asked as Hiccup rolled onto this back again.

“Nah,” he said, stretching his arms above his head. “They all kind of latched onto Dragon Master pretty quickly.”

Astrid moved the pile farther from the bed before curling up at Hiccup’s side. “I guess it’s a much more obvious title.”

“Give them time, they’ll settle on something for you too,” Hiccup said as he pulled the blankets and furs over the both of them.

“Hopefully not on ‘Dragon Girl’, or ‘the Dragon Master’s Whore’,” Astrid said around a yawn.

Hiccup grunted in reply: a small, distinctly annoyed sound. “I don’t like that they call you that. You’re not my-my whore.”

She’d heard him use the word before, heard it roll seamlessly off his tongue in reference to actual prostitutes, but when applying it to her there was a pause, a dip in volume, a hesitance. Astrid looked up at the side of his face to see him frowning at the ceiling. She smiled and wrapped her arm around his torso and threw a leg over his, snuggling closer. “Well, you can burn down _their_ armory for me.”

His lips quirked and some of the tension left his face but his expression remained serious. “Astrid,” he looked at her, green eyes piercing in the soft glow of the firelight. “What are we?”

She giggled. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific there, babe.”

He didn’t return her smile, which worried her. “I mean what are we, as far as our relationship goes? What would you label us?”

Astrid hummed and rested her head on his chest. “I dunno. I’ve never really thought about what we are. We just sort of…are. But…” She twirled her finger in the sparse red hair of his chest. “I mean I guess you’re my boyfriend.”

“It’s kind of more than that, though isn’t it?” Hiccup asked, his breath ruffling her hair with every word.

Astrid took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Lovers, then?”

“Maybe,” Hiccup said quietly.

Astrid sighed again and sat up, determined to have whatever conversation Hiccup was trying to avoid. “So what would you call us?” she asked, looking down at him.

Hiccup shrugged and sat up. “I don’t know,” he said. “That’s why I’m asking.”

Astrid titled her head. For some reason Hiccup couldn’t quite meet her eyes, which meant there was something he wanted to say but wouldn’t. “But you don’t seem to like the answers I gave.” She leaned down and peered up at Hiccup until he could no longer avoid her.

He pursed his lips into a tight line and sighed.

“They don’t really sum it up, though do they?” he said, something pleading in his eyes. “We live here, together; you share my bed, we do everything together, as partners, as equals.” He shrugged. “The thing is, Astrid…” He faltered. His eyes squeezed shut and his cheeks puffed full of air that he blew out, shoulders rolling. “Okay, okay, just.” He sighed again and faced her, that determined look she so loved on his face. “I’d feel weird calling you my wife without a wedding, but doesn’t this, _us_ , feel more like a marriage than anything else?”

Astrid let the confession sink in. It did feel like a marriage, if she was honest. It had for a long time, though not always in the same way. She’d been acting as something of a strange little housewife for him since she’d arrived here, and had continued more or less with those duties ever since. And now of course was the added romance between them. But calling herself his wife, or indeed, calling Hiccup her husband, felt wrong somehow. Or, not quite _wrong_ , but not _right_ either.

It was an idea she felt she could acclimate herself to over time, but not something she could immediately accept. She’d be happy to call herself his wife one day, but as for right now, and perhaps it was the lack of an actual wedding that did it, she didn’t feel she could call them married.

She must have remained silent for too long, because she watched Hiccup wince and groan. “And, I freaked you out with that question, didn’t I? I’m sorry, just forget it—”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Astrid assured him, placing a hand on his knee. “You’re not wrong.” She looked down. “Although I don’t know that I’d call us married. Not that I wouldn’t ever want to, it just—”

“Doesn’t quite fit yet?” Hiccup supplied and she nodded, meeting his eye and they both laughed softly. Hiccup took her hand in his and gave her a warm smile that made her stomach flutter. “I wanna marry you one day,” he said seriously, and her heart leapt to her throat. “I don’t know how we’d do it, with the whole being outlaws thing, but I’d marry you in a heartbeat if I could.”

She sucked in a tremulous breath. Hiccup’s free hand reached for the small of her back and he pulled her closer, into his lap. “It doesn’t have to be official, or legal, or signed and sealed in paper and ink somewhere. But I know for sure that I am never going to love anyone other than you. I’m never going to want anyone but you, for the rest of my life.”

Her hands rose slowly to his shoulders. She wanted to say something but she couldn’t seem to speak around the lump in her throat. “Hiccup…” she finally managed.

He gave her a look so full of affection and adoration that she thought her chest might burst. “Boyfriend, lover, husband, I don’t care what you call me as long as you call me yours. Because that’s what I am, for the rest of my days. I’m yours, if you’ll have me.”

She nodded, completely dumbfounded, swept away. She couldn’t speak; there weren’t words big enough for what she was feeling, and if there were she wasn’t equipped to find them.

She did the only thing she could think to do: she kissed him.

 


	22. An Outstretched Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am blown away by the response this fic has gotten, and since I recently hit 1000 followers on Tumblr and this fic hit 1000 followers on ff.net, I want to do a video q&a to celebrate. If anyone is interested send me questions here or on tumblr (thatsnicebutimmarried.tumblr.com) Thank you to everyone who has read and recced and commented. Seriously, I can't even believe the reception this fic has gotten. Thank you all so so so much for reading, and also I apologize because I don't feel like this chapter is up to snuff, but next chapter something super exciting happens, so I'll make it up to you.

“ _You_.”

Astrid turned from watching the newly-freed dragons disappearing into the night sky, Stormfly going with them to assist in carrying the dragons too weak to fly on their own.

“You know we have a hard enough time catching dragons without someone setting them free every few weeks.” Camicazi pulled a broadsword from her belt and pointed it at Astrid.

“Maybe if you stopped capturing them I wouldn’t have to keep setting them free.” Camicazi snorted and took a step forward and Astrid took a step back. “I still don’t want to fight you.”

The small chieftess laughed. “Too bad I want to fight you.”

Astrid took her axe from her back as she and Camicazi circled each other. “Have it your way, then. But let the record show,” Astrid said, twirling her axe deftly between her hands. “That I _really_ didn’t want to hurt you.”

Camicazi shook her head. “I knew it, you know. I _knew_ you were faking all that damsel in distress, ‘you don’t know what he’ll do to me’ crap.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow. “Really? I thought I was pretty convincing.”

Her opponent shrugged. “You were pretty good, but I’m a burglar, pirate, and conwoman. I know deception when I see it. I also know how to utilize the element of surprise.” She crossed the distance between them in the blink of an eye and swung her sword in a maneuver Astrid easily blocked.

“It’s not really a surprise if you tell me you’re going to do it, you know,” Astrid said, her axe locked against Camicazi’s sword.

“Depends on what the surprise is,” Camicazi said brightly, and with a flick of her sword severed the clasp of Astrid’s cloak.

“Hey!” Astrid shouted as the cloak fell from around her shoulders. Camicazi danced backwards, grinning.

“That’s what you get for stealing my clothes. I still want my skirt back, by the way.” She lunged again, and Astrid deflected the blow and tried to hit her with the handle of her axe but Camicazi ducked out of the way.

“I think it looks better on me,” Astrid told her, fingering the hem while Camicazi glared at her. “Normally I’m not really one for flowy skirts, but this one has really grown on me.” She jumped out of the way of Camicazi’s next swing and just barely blocked the next one.

In the past Astrid had always relied on being smaller and faster than her opponents, but Camicazi had her beat on both counts. It was all she could do to keep out of the way of the small girl’s swift jabs and even attempt to get in a few of her own. It didn’t help that Camicazi was a lot less concerned about causing significant bodily harm.

“You know the bounty on my head calls for me to be brought in alive, right?” she asked as she blocked another attempt at cutting her in half.

Camicazi shrugged. “Oh, I know. I was one of the first people Stoick contacted when you made your allegiance clear.” She rolled out of the way of the broad side of Astrid’s axe and swiped at her feet. “They all think there’s a chance you’re still innocent and being controlled or whatever, I guess.” She feinted to the right, and Astrid barely got her axe up in time to avoid having her braid chopped off. “But I know you’re not and they’ll figure that out the second you’re put on trial and just hang you for treason anyway, so the way I see it I’m just saving them a step. Very economical of me, if I do say so myself. Let no one say I’m not generous. Sure, I may be a thief and a pirate, and the best damn burglar the world has ever seen, but I’m a giver, too. I help out where I can. It’s an important quality for a chieftess, don’tcha know.”

That was the other thing Astrid was learning about Camicazi: she _never_ stopped talking. Astrid didn’t understand how she wasn’t getting winded talking so much while jumping and twirling around. Astrid took a careless angry swing she knew would miss but needed to get out of her system anyway.

“Is the incessant talking a strategy to distract your opponents and drive them crazy, or are you just incapable of shutting up?”

Her axe met Camicazi’s sword and the smaller girl paused, frowning. “Well, it’s probably the latter if I’m being honest, but it works as the first thing too. What do you think?”

Astrid pretended to take a swing at Camicazi’s head, and when she lifted her sword to block it Astrid got in a blow with her axe handle to Camicazi’s stomach.

Camicazi doubled over, the breath knocked from her lungs. Astrid took a step back. “I think it’s more annoying than strategic. And it’s probably proving more of a distraction to you than to me.”

The Bog Burglar tried to raise her sword for an uppercut but the head of Astrid’s axe came down and shoved the tip of the sword into the ground and held it there. Camicazi tried to pull her sword free but Astrid bore down on the axe, trapping the end of the sword between the earth and the curve of the axe blade. That was one advantage she did have over Camicazi: strength. The other girl may have had speed and size on her side, but Astrid was stronger, and her long legs made it easy in that moment to sweep Camicazi’s out from under her.

She toppled over, her sword pulled from her grasp, and Astrid slung it away with her axe, before pointing her own weapon at Camicazi’s neck.

Astrid smirked. “You’re not the only one good with surprises.”

Camicazi gaped up at her, eyes and mouth wide open. “I get the feeling that in another life you and I should have been friends.”

Astrid looked down at the girl; fierce, brave, an excellent fighter. “We probably would have been. Maybe one day we still can be.”

Camicazi scoffed. ‘Unless you leave your dragon-loving boyfriend I don’t think that’s likely to happen. What, has he got a dragon-sized cock or something?”

“You don’t know what he’s like,” Astrid said, moving her axe blade a little closer to Camicazi’s neck when her hand started to inch towards her belt and the throwing knives concealed there. Camicazi’s hands rose back to the side of her face. “You don’t know what the dragons are like.”

“I think I do, actually,” Camicazi spat, glaring. “They’ve been attacking and destroying my village my whole life.”

“Only because they _have_ to,” Astrid explained. “They serve a queen who makes them attack. Otherwise they’re docile.”

“Docile?!” Camicazi rolled her eyes. “Hah! I’ll believe _that_ when I see it.”

Astrid pondered that for a moment. “Then let me show you. Because _I’ve_ seen it. When they’re not in attack mode the dragons are amazing. They’re kind, and playful, and affectionate. They’re not savage beasts; they’re incredible and intelligent creatures.”

There was a squawk from above and Astrid looked up to see Stormfly returning. The Nadder came to land close by and Astrid pulled her axe away from Camicazi’s neck and held out her hand. “Let me show you,” she said. “The way he showed me.”

Camicazi looked from the hand outstretched in offering to the dragon waiting nearby, then back to Astrid’s face. There was curiosity there, and for a moment Astrid had hope.

And then Camicazi reached for her belt, and Astrid had a split second to dive out of the way of the throwing knives. Stormfly screeched, tail bristling, preparing to launch her own projectiles, but Astrid shouted at her to heel. She dodged two more blades before grabbing her cloak and reaching her dragon. She grabbed the side of the saddle. “Go, girl, go!”

A sharp pain exploded in her arm as Stormfly took off, and Astrid looked down to see one of the small throwing knives half-embedded in her upper arm. She couldn’t remove it without letting go of the saddle, so she had to let it stay as she used both arms to climb onto the seat. It couldn’t have taken her more than a couple of seconds, but the burn of muscle contracting around the knife blade seemed to last much longer.

Once she was seated on Stormfly she yanked the knife from her arm and let it fall into the ocean below. Immediately blood started pouring from the wound and she used her cloak to wrap it up. She cast the Bog Isles one last look, and thought of that brief moment of curiosity in Camicazi’s eyes.

Xx

“Well, it’s gonna hurt like hel for a while, but you’ll live.”

Astrid gave Hiccup a sheepish smile as he finished wrapping bandages around her wound, all the while giving her a disapproving glare. “It’s only fun if you get a scar out of it.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “You should have just left. Why didn’t you just hop on Stormfly and get out of there as soon as you saw her?”

“Stormfly was helping the escaping dragons transport the ones who were too weak to fly on their own.”

“You still could have run. You _should_ have run.” Stormfly and Toothless had been waiting close by while Hiccup dressed her wound, and now Stormfly leaned in close to inspect the injury.

“Please,” Astrid said, scratching Stormfly’s chin with her good arm. “It’s not like I couldn’t handle one pint-sized pirate.”

Hiccup threw Toothless a skeptical look and the dragon cocked his head, not understanding but still trying to be supportive. “Your injury says otherwise.”

Astrid frowned. “I had her pinned and disarmed. The only reason she managed to get that hit in is because I let her go.”

“What’d you do that for?”

Astrid wouldn’t look at him. She scratched behind Stormfly’s crown of spikes and the dragon trilled in delight. “I wanted to try to show her that dragons aren’t bad. Like you did with me.”

She could feel Hiccup’s eyes on her. “Why would you do that?” he asked quietly.

Astrid shrugged. “I wanted to try to change her mind. I mean, she’s the chief of a village of powerful warriors. Can you imagine how much it would help our cause to have someone like that on our side?”

“I’m not sure Camicazi was the best place to start.” She couldn’t tell from his tone what he was thinking so she glanced at him. There was a small frown on his face, though it was more contemplative than disapproving.

Astrid gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “You have to start somewhere, right?” She nuzzled close to Stormfly’s head, an action which prompted a jealous Toothless to nudge at his own rider’s arm for affection. Hiccup didn’t take his eyes off her as he pulled Toothless’s head into his lap and began stroking between the little spikes. Toothless closed his eyes and purred like an overgrown housecat.

“I guess.”

“You know, for a second there she looked receptive.”

Hiccup perked up at that. He blinked at her and his mouth fell open slightly. “She did?”

Astrid nodded. “A very short second, granted, but she’s a chief. She’s going to be hesitant about anything that could put her people in danger.”

“Hm.” Hiccup turned his attention to Toothless, who had rolled over onto his back and was now enjoying scratches on the underside of his chin. She could practically hear the gears of Hiccup’s mind turning. He glanced at her. “You put yourself in danger in order to try to convince her dragons aren’t bad?”

“Yeah, of course,” she said. In Hiccup’s eyes she could see confusion and contemplation and most importantly, _hope_. Astrid smiled wide. “You gotta start somewhere.”

Xx

Ingrid smiled as she watched Brenna eagerly tuck in to her cake. “Slow down,” she said, “Take smaller bites.”

Brenna rolled her eyes. “I’m a big girl now, I can take big bites.”

“Big girl or not, you’ll choke if you don’t start taking smaller bites, and then you won’t see your fifth birthday.”

Brenna swallowed her bite of cake and opened her mouth to argue when there was a knock at the door which Ingrid left to answer. Brenna shrugged and shoveled more cake into her mouth.

Ingrid opened the door to see Stoick standing there frowning, a rolled up piece of parchment in his hands. “Chief,” Ingrid said, eyebrows lifting in surprise while Arvid stumbled out of his seat to come stand beside her. Stoick on their doorstep never meant good things these days. He had declared their eldest daughter a traitor and sent word to many chiefs of other tribes that there was a bounty on her head, though they’d at least managed to convince him to specify that she was to be brought back alive. She could be tried for treason, but until they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she wasn’t being controlled or coerced, they couldn’t bear to allow him to condemn her.

Even so.

She never left the skies on those rare occasions she was seen during raids on Berk, but they said she was often on the ground during raids on other villages. Astrid would not go down without a fight, and they knew the caveat on her bounty might get ignored in the heat of battle. And so they dreaded the day Stoick arrived on their doorstep to tell them their girl had been killed on some far off island.

“What can we help you with?” Arvid asked, trying for nonchalance but not quite being able to hide the anxiety in his voice.

Stoick presented the roll of parchment to Ingrid. “This arrived today, delivered—” he paused, glancing at Brenna and lowering his voice. “Delivered by a Terrible Terror. I thought the two of you should see it.”

Ingrid and Arvid exchanged looks. “If this is something you need to discuss with us, can we do it later?” Ingrid asked, glancing over her shoulder at Brenna. “We’re just in the middle of celebrating Brenna’s birthday.”

“Oh.” Stoick looked at Brenna, who cowered behind her doll. It seemed she still had not forgiven him for frightening her. “My apologies for interrupting. But no.” He looked back to the Hofferson parents. “I don’t think this is something that needs discussing. Just something I felt ought to be brought to your attention. It’s—well, I suppose it really just tells us what we already knew, or at least suspected…” he trailed off as Ingrid unrolled the parchment. Her eyes grew wide and she snapped the roll shut, shooting a glance behind her at Brenna.

“Like I said,” Stoick muttered, scuffling his feet. “Not something that really needs to be discussed.”

“Yes,” Arvid said, staring at the ground. “Ah, thank you for bringing this. I think.”

“I’m sorry for interrupting such a happy occasion,” Stoick said, tilting his helmet. “I’ll leave you to it.”

The Hoffersons nodded their goodbyes. They stared at the closed door for a long moment before Brenna piped up behind them. “Is he gone?” They both turned to see Brenna’s bright blue eyes peeking over the top of the table.

Arvid gave her a tight smile. “He’s gone now, darling. You’re fine.” Brenna climbed back into her seat and started eating again. Arvid glanced at this wife, who clutched at the parchment in her hand and nodded. Arvid looked back at Brenna. “Ah, Brenna love, Mama and I have something to discuss right quick, and then we’ll be right back to give you your presents.”

“ ‘Kay,” Brenna said around a mouthful of cake.

The Hoffersons kept up their pleasant parental smiles until their bedroom door had closed behind them and Ingrid spread the parchment out flat on their bed.  At the top was a note written in an unfamiliar hand: _She didn’t like the wanted posters._ _None of them looked like her._ Below, taking up most of the parchment, was a detailed charcoal drawing of Astrid from the waist up, lying nude on her stomach on a fur blanket and looking over her shoulder at the viewer. She was propped up on her elbows with her hair unbound and falling over her shoulders and concealing her breasts, though the expression on her face was distinctly seductive.

Ingrid shook her head. “What is this?”

Arvid snarled and his hands balled into fists. “He’s bragging. Taunting us. Just like when he gave back her bridal crown. He’s taken her maidenhead and he wants us to know it.”

“No, no, I don’t believe it,” Ingrid said, wringing her hands together and frowning. “We can’t trust a drawing like this. He could have drawn her face from observation but if he’d seen a naked woman before he could easily have filled in the rest.”

Arvid paced around the room, refusing to look any longer at an image of his daughter so blatantly sexualized. “She’s fighting by his side now, Ingrid. She’s been with him for months. For gods’ sakes she was seen _kissing_ him. She probably _has_ become his lover by now.”

Ingrid sniffled. “Oh my little girl,” she moaned. “What have you _done_? What have _we_ done?” Arvid stopped his pacing to wrap his arms around his wife. “Oh Arvid, we never should have let them do this to her. We should have refused, we should have protected her. All we’ve done is make it worse…”

“We…we couldn’t have known,” Arvid said, but the words sounded as empty as they felt. This was their fault, and they both knew it. Ingrid sobbed into his vest.

“Oh, my baby girl…”

At that moment they heard a loud peal of laughter from the next room. Arvid sighed and rubbed Ingrid’s shoulders. “Come on, my love, we can’t stay in here moping forever. We’ve got a birthday party to attend to.”

Ingrid sniffled again and came out of hiding to wipe at her eyes and nose. “Right, right, yes.” She took a deep breath and rolled the parchment up and stuck it in a drawer while another happy little shriek echoed from the next room. Ingrid frowned. “What is she _doing_ in there?” She rubbed at her eyes again and opened their bedroom door.

Both parents froze in shock.

“Mama, Daddy, look, he does tricks!” Brenna squealed, holding a piece of dried fish up as the little green Terrible Terror spun in circles on his hind legs. She held the treat lower and the Terror took it carefully from her hand before jumping up and hovering in the air to lick at her face.

After a moment in which neither Hofferson parent was capable of movement something clicked, and Arvid was running forward and snatching the Terror away from Brenna. The scared Terror screeched and bit Arvid’s hand, who dropped him while Ingrid grabbed Brenna. The Terror took to the air and squawked at Arvid before taking off out the window.

“Awww, Daddy, you scared him!” Brenna whined, squirming in her mother’s grasp.

Arvid rounded on the little girl. “Brenna Hofferson, what were you doing with that thing?! That was a _dragon_ , they are _dangerous_!”

“ _That_ one wasn’t!” Brenna protested. “He was sweet!”

Arvid held up a bleeding finger. “He bit me the first chance he got!”

The little girl stuck out her bottom lip and her eyebrows knit together. “Only ‘cause you scared him! He was nice! Astrid sent him!”

Ingrid stopped trying to hold onto the struggling little girl, who scrambled out of her arms while Arvid stared slack-jawed at his youngest daughter.

“How-how do you know?” He blinked and pointed a stern finger at Brenna. “And don’t say it’s a secret!”

“Look!” Brenna said, pattering across the floor to an unwrapped package. She picked up a little dress made of shiny red fabric. “She sent me a little dress for my dolly for my birthday!” She leaned back down to pick up a piece of parchment. “There’s a note too, but I can’t read it.”

Ingrid and Arvid exchanged a look before they were both sprinting across the room to grab the note out of Brenna’s hands. At first glance it was obviously Astrid’s handwriting. The parents huddled together, the note held between them, and read the first message they had heard from their daughter in months.

_Tell Brenna I said Happy Birthday, and that I love her so much and miss her a lot._

They turned the parchment over and over, and searched through the brown paper the dress had been wrapped in, but there was no other message.

Astrid clearly had nothing to say to anyone but Brenna.

Xx

A sharp _tap tap tap_ pulled Astrid from the divinely deep sleep she’d been enjoying. She sighed and snuggled back into Hiccup’s chest. She was cozy and warm; sleep made her body feel heavy and she was happy to sink further into the warm blankets and Hiccup’s embrace. His bare skin against hers was a lovely reminder of what they’d been doing before they’d fallen asleep, and sleepily Astrid made a note to pick up where they’d left off as soon as she woke up properly.

Her lover had been in rare form last night. She would barely have caught her breath from one orgasm before he had hands or mouth or hips between her legs endeavoring to give her another one. Not that she was complaining; she’d been unusually insatiable the last few days. And, well, she thought smugly, she had a couple months’ experience by now, and was certain she had given as well as she’d got, so that by the time they fell asleep they were both thoroughly exhausted, but utterly happy.

She was almost asleep when the tapping noise roused her again. She whined, and Hiccup’s arms tightened around her waist and pulled her closer as he pressed a few sleepy kisses against her ear. Could she just stay like this forever? Cozy and happy and pleasantly tired after hours of glorious sex and a great night’s sleep?

Whatever was making the tapping sound clearly did not agree.

Finally Astrid managed to drag her heavy eyelids open and got a blurry glimpse of a pair of feet standing in front of the bed. Oh, just Hiccup up before her, then. She yawned and closed her eyes and curled herself up tighter in Hiccup’s arms.

Wait.

Astrid blinked blearily.

Hiccup was definitely still asleep behind her, and there was definitely a pair of feet in front of their bed, along with the bottom of a strange curved staff that was producing the annoying tapping sound every time it struck the stone floor. Astrid’s eyes snapped wide and she pushed herself up with one arm while the other clutched the fur to her neck.

There was a very tall, very imposing, very _angry_ looking middle-aged woman frowning down at them. She lifted the strange staff from the ground and used it to point at Hiccup.

“Wake him for me, would you?”


	23. Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important author's note: So this is basically a microchapter, and it's like two weeks late, and the reason is that I've been in the midst of some major mental health issues that I am still dealing with, and since the second half of this chapter refuses to be written, I am giving you the first third of it to let you all know that I'm still alive and that I'm taking a little bit of a writing break while I try to pull myself together. I'm not abandoning this story. Ever. I'm just dealing with major depression and anxiety right now. I'm going to the doctor next week to talk about adjusting my medication. Until then, I just need to step back from this story for a week or so.
> 
> So here's essentially the first third of what is supposed to be this chapter so you all know that I'm alive and that this story is not being abandoned. Sorry it's such a short update and that it ends in a weird place.

“Wake him for me, would you?”

Astrid stared, completely lost for words, at the woman glaring down at her. The woman was tall and thin with brown hair streaked with grey and wore the strangest armor Astrid had ever seen; it looked almost to be made of wood. She looked to be in her early forties, perhaps. There were lines around her eyes but other than that not much in the way of wrinkles.

She raised an eyebrow at Astrid and gestured again at Hiccup.

Astrid shoved blindly at Hiccup’s shoulder, and he grumbled and tried to pull the furs over his head. “Hiccup,” she said weakly, then slapped at him harder. “Hiccup!”

Hiccup whined again and finally she heard him pull the covers off as he snapped, “What?” and then, “Oh, shit.”

The woman rolled her eyes. “Lovely to see you again too, dear.”

Astrid looked to Hiccup for explanation, but found him rubbing his eyes and yawning. “It’s too early for this.” He didn’t seem the slightest bit perturbed by the presence of their unexpected guest, nor the state she had found them in.

“A bit hungover?” The woman asked, and Hiccup returned her glare.

“No, actually. I’m not.”

“Good, then I don’t have to keep my voice down,” she said, and her volume rose threefold when next she spoke. “What in Thor’s name have you done now?! WHO is this? It’s bad enough you running into towns and sweeping impressionable young girls off their feet while you leave poor Toothless alone in a forest nearby where he could _easily_ be discovered and _killed_! Are you bringing your whores _here_ now?”

Astrid’s head whipped back to the woman. She didn’t know who this stranger was, or why Hiccup seemed so familiar with her, but she knew she was _not_ going to stand for being called a whore. She’d had quite enough of _that_ lately.

She opened her mouth to protest but Hiccup beat her to it. “She’s not my—look, some things have happened since the last time you decided to remember I exist.”

The woman sighed. “Please, Hiccup, don’t be so overdramatic.”

Astrid looked to Hiccup, who scoffed. “Overdramatic? We had one fight and I don’t hear from you for months! Not since, what, last summer?”

The woman’s gaze dropped to the floor. “I’ve had things to do, and you weren’t exactly happy with me the last time we spoke. I thought it would do us both some good to have some time apart.”

Hiccup gave her an incredulous look while Astrid shrank into herself between them. “Oh, and nearly a year is your definition of ‘some time apart’? I didn’t hear from you on Snoggletog, or my birthday, which was actually _on_ my birthday this year, so I would have thought you’d at least have sent me something then. I mean, really Mom?”

Astrid’s eyes grew wide. “ _Mom?!”_ She nearly shouted, and looked back and forth between Hiccup and the tall woman. Those high cheek bones, those vivid green eyes…oh gods. “Mom?! But…your mother’s _dead!_ ”

Hiccup rubbed the back of his neck and winced. “Yeeaah, there, uh, there’s a few things I haven’t told you.”

“You think?!” Astrid yelled, and then became very aware of the fact that she was naked in Hiccup’s bed in front of his _mother_. Oh Thor strike her dead.

“Oh don’t feel too bad dear,” the tall woman said, addressing Astrid. “He lies to most of the girls he beds. Although he’s not often stupid enough to _bring them here_!” Hiccup cringed at the woman’s yelling. “What do you think you’re doing?” she started, her voice echoing off the stone walls. Hiccup rolled his eyes at her shouting and reached over the side of the bed for a shirt. “Bringing someone _here_ , I’m assuming on Toothless, are you out of you mind? Do you have any idea how much trouble you could be putting yourself in? Putting Toothless in? Putting this poor girl in?”

Astrid didn’t understand a thing that was going on, but she did know for certain that she wanted to hide under the blankets and never come out. She held her blanket up to her chin and glared at Hiccup. “Hiccup, what is going on?” she hissed, just as the tall woman started yelling again.

“Honestly, you’re putting yourself in enough danger sneaking into villages and bedding whatever ridiculous girls you can charm into lowering their self-worth for a night. If I could I’d confiscate your cock until you learned to use it responsibly.”

Hiccup dropped his head into his hands and groaned. “Okay, can I have five minutes to put some pants on before we do this? I’ve got stuff to tell you and stuff to tell her and hopefully by the end of it everyone can stop being so pissed off at me.”

The woman huffed a sigh. “Fine. Make yourself decent. I’ve got more screaming to do.” She turned on her heel and marched out of the room. Astrid watched her go, still frozen to the spot with shock and humiliation. Beside her Hiccup sighed in exasperation and got up. Astrid turned still-wide eyes onto him as he found and pulled on his clothes.

“ _That’s_ your _mother_?” she asked, her voice dangerously low.

Hiccup gave her a sheepish smile. “Yeah, so—”

“Your _mother_ is still _alive?!_ ”

“Well, yeah, and—”

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?!” Astrid shrieked, her blanket still clutched to her ears even though Hiccup’s mother—his mother!—had left the room.

Hiccup winced again and rubbed the back of his neck. “I was going to, but there was never really the right time.”

“But, but, but,” Astrid spluttered. “Your mother is dead. She’s been dead for years. She was, she was, what, carried off by dragons, wasn’t she?”

“Yes, she was,” Hiccup said, his voice somewhat muffled by the shirt that was halfway over his head.

“She was carried off by dragons, and, and…” Astrid’s frown started to fade as it all began to sink in. “And they didn’t hurt her. Of course they didn’t hurt her.”

“They took her back to their nest,” Hiccup said, having finished fighting with his shirt. “Not the same one we visited though, another nest. She’s been there ever since.”

Astrid frowned. “But, she’s been gone, what, twenty years? They took her back to their nest and she just…stayed there? For all these years? But what about her family? What about your dad, what about you?” Hiccup kept his gaze averted as he picked up her clothes and started tossing them to her.  “Oh.” Hiccup still wouldn’t look at her. Astrid curled into herself. “She’s the person you told me about; when you said there was someone you hadn’t heard from, someone you thought you meant more to.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“I take it things between you two aren’t great?”

“She abandoned me when I was a baby, what do you think?” Hiccup ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay, I gotta go talk to her.” He bent down to kiss the top of her head. “You might want to stay in here.”

Astrid had no intention of staying out of the way, not when Hiccup’s _mother_ was here and alive and _here_ and apparently living with dragons and also _here_. As soon as Hiccup left she was pulling on her clothes and cursing Hiccup’s ability to turn her hair into a tangled matted mess as she tried to wrangle it into something halfway presentable. She finally managed a frizzy braid and took off down the tunnels, wondering as she did where exactly she was going.

It didn’t take long to figure it out; she could hear the shouting already.


	24. Hopeless Opus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, I’m back! I’m doing a whole lot better, though I’m still not quite where I’d like to be. As such I can’t quite promise regular updates yet, but I promise I’ll try not to go another month without updating. Thank you all so very much for your patience and understanding and support, it really means the world to me.  
> This chapter is a little shorter than I wanted it to be, but it was actually going to be much longer before I decided to split it in half, so you get this today and then the next part will be up probably on Monday.   
> I want to make it very clear that I like Valka. I think she is a very flawed, complex, interesting character. I don’t condone her actions, but I don’t think she does either and I think that’s important to remember. That said, Hiccup and Valka’s relationship in Persephone is a lot more complicated than in canon, and we’re dealing with a much darker, much more bitter version of Hiccup, and that makes a big difference in how Valka is presented here. But for the record, I like Val. Please don’t bash her in reviews to me.  
> Title from the song by Imagine Dragons, because that song is SO Persephonecup it hurts.

“November?! You’ve kept her here since November?!”

“I didn’t keep her here, I told you; she chose to stay!”

“She chose to stay, why would she choose to stay?”

“Because she, she and I, we, well, we—”

“Yes, I can see what you and she are doing.”

“We’re in love.”

“Is that what you’re calling it, now?”

“I’m serious.”

Astrid emerged into the sunlight of the large opening cave, in the middle of which was Hiccup and his mother, with Toothless nudging at her hand. Stormfly was watching them all from her nest in the corner. None of them noticed her enter.

“Where did she come from? What do you mean you saved her? From what?”

“It’s kind of a long story.”

“I assumed as much, since if it was a short story you’d have told me already. Start explaining.”

Astrid felt a gust of warm air ruffling her hair and turned to see where it had come from, only to find herself face to upside-down face with one of the largest dragons she’d ever seen outside of the Dragon Queen’s nest. She screamed and stumbled backward, attracting Hiccup and his mother’s attention. The large dragon cocked its head at her.

“Cloudjumper, leave the poor girl alone,” Hiccup’s mother scolded, and the dragon dropped down from the stalactite he’d been hanging from and sniffed once more at Astrid before heeding the woman’s call. “Don’t mind him,” Hiccup’s mother was saying, “He won’t harm you. There’s no need to be afraid.”

Astrid bristled. “I’m not afraid of him,” she said. “He just took me by surprise, is all.”

“Of course he did,” Hiccup’s mother said dismissively, giving Astrid a patronizing smile while she stroked Cloudjumper’s chin.

Between them Hiccup sighed and rolled his eyes. “Mom,” he said, approaching Astrid and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “This is Astrid. Astrid, Valka.”

Valka gave her an once-over then ignored her entirely and looked to Hiccup. “You still haven’t told me who she is and what she’s doing here. And more importantly why you think you can trust her.”

Hiccup shot Astrid a look she couldn’t read. “I know I can trust her, okay. And…she’s from Berk.”

“Berk?” Valka’s head whipped around. “She’s from Berk?” Valka looked at her more carefully. “Whose child are you?”

Astrid glanced at Hiccup. “The Hoffersons’.”

Valka frowned. “Arvid or Finn?”

“Arvid.”

“Hm.” Valka looked her up and down again. “Ingrid Clausen’s baby, then. Violent girl.” She turned her glare on Hiccup. “So you’ve settled down with a Viking, a Berkian, no less? Have you _completely_ lost your mind?”

“Mom.” That was a strange word to hear out of Hiccup’s mouth. He crossed the room to his mother. “She’s on our side. Berk gave her up.”

Valka didn’t turn from doting on her dragon, while Toothless wriggled with excitement beside her, still attempting to get her attention. “What do you mean they gave her up? You said you saved her life.”

“They were trying to win my favor—the ‘Dragon Master’s’ favor.” Hiccup waved his hands in reference to his mysterious alter-ego. “They gave her up. It was a uh…” He hesitated. “A virgin sacrifice kind of deal.”

That got Valka’s attention. She raised her eyebrows at her son, then turned her gaze on Astrid, who felt her cheeks heating up. Valka seemed to stare right into her soul. For a woman so enigmatic Valka had a way of making Astrid feel all her secrets were laid bare, which could have something to do with having been found in bed with her son, and now Valka knowing that his bed had been the first. “Berk gave her up as a virgin sacrifice?” She looked at Hiccup, shaking her head, her lip curled in disgust. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Leave it to your father to do something so…barbaric. Primitive.” She glanced at Astrid. “What’s she still doing here?”

“I _told_ you, she chose to stay.”

Valka rolled her eyes and gave in to Toothless’s demands for attention. “Yes, because you’re _in love_ ,” she said, and the way she said it made it clear she either didn’t believe him or disdained the very notion or possibly both. “She’s still one of them and I don’t see what good you think is going to come of keeping her here.”

Hiccup’s eyebrows knit together. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. She’s here because she wants to be. Because she changed. Because she’s seen what the dragons are really like. And,” he hesitated, “She’s been helping me. With the raids. With freeing captured dragons and keeping the dragons and villagers apart.”

“I’ve been branded a traitor by half the archipelago,” Astrid added, straightening her spine and holding her head up high as Valka frowned. “Including Berk.”

Valka looked her over again, her disapproval replaced with something that could be cautious curiosity.

“Why would you do that? Turn on your village? Your people?”

Astrid’s expression hardened. “My village gave me up. My own _parents_ gave me up, knowing they were likely handing me over to be raped, tortured, or killed. Is it really any wonder I didn’t want to go back?” She crossed the room, bypassing Hiccup and Valka and smiling at Stormfly. “And besides,” she said, stroking Stormfly’s horn as her dragon rose and shivered, shaking out her wings and trilling happily, “I’d seen what the dragons were really like. I didn’t know how I could go back after that. How anyone could.” She paused, glancing at Valka out of the corner of her eye before she said softly, “Of course, I didn’t have a husband and baby waiting for me at home.”

Valka’s lip curled. “That situation was more complicated than you could possibly understand,” she said coolly. “So for the moment I’ll forgive your ignorant criticism, but in the future I’ll thank you not to judge things you don’t know anything about.”

Astrid snorted. “Didn’t stop you,” she muttered under her breath. She wasn’t sure if Valka heard her, but Hiccup was soon interrupting their cold standoff.

“Like I said, I can trust her, so calm down.”

Valka took her cold stare off of Astrid.  “So you’ve drafted someone else into your hopeless mission.”

Astrid watched Hiccup’s frown change from irritation to something closer to disappointment. “It’s not hopeless. Astrid changed. She was one of Berk’s fiercest warriors and she changed. If I can change her mind, I could change theirs, too.”

Valka sighed. “Oh, Hiccup, not this again.”

“No, Mom, just listen—”

“No, you listen,” Valka said, turning to her son and giving him an almost pleading frown. “Those people are not capable of change. I have told you that, time and time again. I tried to stop the fighting. I tried to change your father’s mind and he wouldn’t listen to me. None of them would ever listen to me.”

“ _Astrid_ listened!”

“A bitter young girl who’d seen firsthand how cruel humans can be listened to you. I don’t call that a victory.”

Hiccup shook his head. “It’s not just about getting them to listen, it’s about _showing_ them! You’ve lived with dragons for twenty years. I’ve lived with them for five. We both know so much about them now, if we went back, together—”

“Absolutely not!” Valka interrupted, shaking her head. “I will not risk my dragons’ lives by going back to _that_ place, to _that_ man, after everything that’s happened—”

“That’s exactly my point!” Hiccup pleaded, his hands outstretched towards his mother. “After all this time, and you’re still alive, you’re still okay, you don’t think that wouldn’t show him the dragons aren’t what he thought they were?!”

Valka was still shaking her head, her eyes closed and her mouth in a thin, tight line. “You say that as if it’s so simple, Hiccup, and yet here you still are.” She looked at him then, and Astrid could see the familial resemblance in the sad determination. “All this time and you haven’t tried either, and the reason for that is you don’t believe it would work any more than I do.” Valka glanced at Astrid, who watched them both with a sinking heart. “Berk is not capable of change. If anything, Astrid is the exception that proves the rule.”

Hiccup stared at the ground for a long tense moment before he said, “We found the nest.”

Valka blinked, her eyebrows rising. “You what?”

Hiccup looked at her through his bangs; they were the same height when standing straight but Hiccup’s slouched shoulders put his eyelevel below hers. “We didn’t mean to go there, but we found it. The Queen’s nest. We saw her.” He straightened and Astrid watched his jaw clench. “She’s smaller than we thought she was. Much smaller than the Bewilderbeast—”

“No,” Valka interrupted, stepping back.

“But Mom—”

“No,” she said again. “I know where you’re going with this, and my answer is no.” She paced away from him and Hiccup followed.

“Mom, you said it yourself, all dragons bow to the alpha, that should include the queen! He could take her down, he could stop her—”

Valka rolled her eyes, a gesture done more in exasperation than annoyance. “He wouldn’t dare. He protects his own; he wouldn’t intrude on the sanctity of another dragon’s nest.”

“He would if you told him to,” Hiccup pressed. “He’d do anything you told him to. If we stop the queen, we stop the raids. We stop the _war_. Don’t you want to do that?”

Valka sighed and shook her head. “Hiccup, I am not starting a civil war amongst one species for the sake of another that doesn’t care about them.”

Hiccup had his hands outstretched again, pleading. “Mom, would you just _listen_ —”

“No, _you_ listen,” Valka said firmly. “The dragons were here long before Vikings were. This is _their_ world. And I will not turn it upside down for the sake of Vikings when that will do them absolutely no good. The dragons may stop the raiding but that won’t stop the Vikings killing them. They’ll still hunt them and fight them and kill them. And without the queen commanding them the dragons won’t be as inclined to defend themselves.” She sighed again. “Defeating the queen will change _nothing_. The dragons will be in as much danger as ever.”

Hiccup’s brow furrowed. “Are the dragons _all_ you care about?” he demanded, voice rising. “You’re so selfish; you won’t even _try_ to change their minds!”

“What, like you have?” Valka challenged. “Holing up in here for the past few years, only coming out in a mask and leading them to believe you’re some demon who’s controlling the dragons?” Hiccup looked away, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “Don’t take that sanctimonious attitude with me, Hiccup. For all you yell at me for never trying to change their minds you’ve done absolutely no better.”

“I help in the only way I know how,” Hiccup muttered.

“As do I,” Valka replied, calm but firm.

Hiccup frowned. “It’d be different if we worked together.” He looked up at his mother. “Don’t you see that? Maybe alone we aren’t enough to change things, but if we worked together—”

“We’d still achieve nothing. Hiccup, these people cannot be changed!”

Hiccup flung out an arm in gesture at Astrid. “ _She_ changed!” He pointed to himself. “I changed!”

Valka was shaking her head again. “We’re different. You and I are different from them. Maybe she is too. We’re still only three people against an entire culture.”

Hiccup’s lips pursed. “I’ve seen one person change entire cultures. I’ve heard of one person starting whole religions, revolutions.”

“They weren’t dealing with people as hard-headed as Vikings.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t at least _try_. If we succeeded—”

“If we succeeded everything would be wonderful and happy and grand, yes, but what if we fail?” Valka took a step closer to Hiccup. “Have you even thought about what’s at stake in all this? About what would happen if we tell your father that we’re still alive and that there’s a dragon queen controlling the nest, and that doesn’t convince him?”

Astrid watched Hiccup’s face fall. She knew he _had_ thought about that. He’d thought about that a lot.

Hiccup swallowed. “He, he’d probably…” he trailed off, his voice wavering with uncertainty.

“He’d redouble efforts to find the nest. And he’d know we were alive, and what side we’d chosen.” Valka sighed. “You stayed away for the same reason I did. We both let him have the memory he can still love.”

Hiccup ran a hand through his hair and frowned. “That doesn’t mean you have to take the cowardly path and not even try. Maybe on our own we couldn’t get him to listen, but you and I together—”

Valka shook her head, her eyes squeezing shut. “And we’re circling back around to the same old argument, because you can’t understand that they won’t change.”

Astrid watched Hiccup’s lip curl.  “You’re the one who won’t change!” he shouted, taking Valka by surprise. She blinked at him.

“Hiccup—”

“No, it’s true! You’re always saying that they’ll never change, while we keep having this argument over and over again because you’re too selfish and cowardly to even try to change their minds. You say the Vikings will always refuse to believe dragons are good, but you just refuse to believe that the Vikings can be good! You’re as biased and narrow-minded as they are!”

It was almost uncanny how like her son’s Valka’s scowl was. “I’m trying to keep you from getting yourself _killed!_ I am practical and realistic.”

“You’re pessimistic and afraid!”

Valka huffed. “And you wonder why I don’t come and see you very often anymore. It’s always the same thing, the same argument, the same disagreements.” She looked at her son with something like sorrow. “Just once I’d like to come and see how you are without you begging me to join your foolish crusade. It feels like you see me as more of a means to an end than a mother.”

There was a palpable shift in the tension of the room at that. Astrid shrunk back against Stormfly as she watched Hiccup’s eyes widen and then narrow, a cold look stealing over his face. His back straightened.

“You think I have a hard time seeing you as a mother?” he said, a hard edge to his voice. “Because it might have something to do with those eighteen years where you decided to forget that you _were_ my mother!”

The anger on Valka’s face melted into hurt. “Hiccup,” she started, reaching for him, but Hiccup stepped back.

“No,” he said, voice loud and echoing off the cave walls, “You don’t get to talk now. You don’t get to stand there and play the mom card and act as if you raised me better than this. Because in case you’ve forgotten, _Mother_ , you _didn’t_ raise me. You don’t get to take credit for how I turned out.”

“I’ve never tried to—”

“All you care about is the dragons. I used to admire you for how much you cared about them, but now I see that’s _all_ you care about. And I’m sick of trying to keep your attention when you stop listening to me as soon as I stop being that dragon-loving child who takes after you and refuse to put the good of the dragons over the good of anyone or anything else!”

Valka was shaking her head, still reaching for Hiccup with hands that were too afraid to touch him. “Hiccup, regardless of all that, I still _love_ you—”

“You _left_ me!” Hiccup yelled, so loud that it startled Astrid and all three dragons nervously watching the exchange. Astrid couldn’t say how much of the conversation they understood, but the dragons certainly knew to keep their distance. Astrid herself wanted to intercede, wanted to go to Hiccup, to comfort him, because there was so much anger and hurt on his face, but the center of the room where he stood with his mother seemed a world of its own upon which she could not intrude. “And you keep leaving me,” Hiccup said, softer this time. “You’re the same as Dad. Neither one of you wants to listen to me. I’m not Viking enough for him and I’m not dragon enough for you, and I’m done trying to be.”

 _“One day I’ll screw up, or you’ll decide that I’m not what you want me to be, and then you’ll want to leave, and I want you to be able to.”_ Astrid’s chest constricted and her heart dropped into her stomach as she realized that _this_ was what he’d been talking about. He was always waiting for the day he stopped being what she wanted him to be.

“Hiccup—”

“Leave.”

Astrid’s expression of shock mirrored Valka’s. The older woman blinked at her son.

“What?”

Hiccup’s eyes were cold and his jaw was tight as he answered evenly, “You heard me, leave. Get back on that dragon you loved more than me and _leave_.”

Valka sucked in a soft gasp. “Hiccup,” she pleaded, but Hiccup just glared her down.

“Just get out. I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t want to see you anymore, I don’t want to hear from you anymore, I don’t want anything to do with you. I’m _done_.”

And he turned on his heel and marched out of the room, back down the passageway and into the darkness, a keening Toothless following obediently behind.

Astrid looked to Valka, who stared at the empty spot where her son had been standing, looking utterly lost. Astrid didn’t know if she should say something to her, or if the woman had even earned the right to comfort, so she patted Stormfly’s horn and made to follow Hiccup, her gaze averted from Valka.

“I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away.” Astrid paused and looked back at Valka, whose glassy eyes were still fixed on the empty space in front of her. “I thought it was for the best. I thought they would be better off without me. I thought _Hiccup_ would be better off without me. How was I supposed to raise an heir who could protect his people from dragons when I couldn’t kill one myself? I thought I’d be terrible for him.” Her eyes squeezed shut. “When I first found him again I thought I was wrong, but you know…” she trailed off, a short gasp that could have been cutting off a sob shaking her. She took a deep breath and continued, opening her eyes. “Sometimes I think I was right. Maybe I never would have been any good for him. Maybe I only ever would have made things more difficult. I don’t know.” She laughed bitterly. “I’m certainly no good for him now. Not with everything that’s happened. And not with who he’s become.” She looked at Astrid. “He’s not always an easy person to love, my son. These last couple of years especially. And that’s putting aside our disagreements. He’s got a temper to be reckoned with and he doesn’t always think things through. If ever you find he’s too much to handle, you can always come to me. I don’t want you to ever stay purely out of a lack of anywhere else to go. Your dragon will know how to find me.” She directed a small smile at Stormfly. “She’s visited me before, this one.” Her smile faded into a serious look when she turned back to Astrid. “I love Hiccup, even if I don’t always agree with him, and even if he doesn’t believe I do, but I know what he’s like. And I want you to know there’s somewhere you can go if he gets to be too much.”

Astrid frowned. “Thanks, but I can handle him.” She started to walk away but Valka’s voice, softer now, stopped her.

“How’s his drinking?”

Astrid’s eyebrows drew together. Valka’s lips were pursed together and the lines of her brow were more pronounced when Astrid turned back to her. She looked worried. “He stopped. He’s been sober for months.”

Valka blinked at her, eyebrows rising. A hopeful look. “Has he?”

“I made him.”

Valka nodded, her lips quirking in what could have been the hint of a smile. “Good, that’s good,” she said, almost absently, her eyes shifting away from Astrid’s. She sighed, some of the tension leaving her shoulders. “That’s very good.” She frowned at the floor. “And, um,” she began, her voice higher than it had been. “You and Hiccup, you are…taking precautions, I’m sure?”

It took Astrid a moment to realize what she was talking about, and she felt her face turn red when she did. She cleared her throat and looked away. “Yeah.”

She could _hear_ Valka’s raised eyebrow and stern look. She was using that distinctly maternal questioning tone that she’d heard from her own mother a thousand times. “Every time?”

Her cheeks prickled. “Yes,” she said, only partly lying. She always remembered her tea and kept track of her days, even if more often than not she locked her legs around Hiccup’s waist before he could pull away at the end.

“Good,” Valka said firmly. Astrid glanced at her. Suddenly Valka looked much older than she had earlier. Her large dragon curled around her and it brought a small smile to her face. She ran a hand over Cloudjumper’s crown. “I don’t condone my mistakes,” she said, “All I can say is that I had my reasons and I thought I was making the right decision at the time. I was so young.” Her eyes flickered to Astrid. “About your age.”

Astrid frowned. “Don’t start comparing me to you.”

“Why not?” Valka asked, shrugging. “We have a lot in common. We were both taken unwillingly from our home and both chose not to go back.”

Astrid’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t go back because my village turned on me.”

Valka looked at her. “And I didn’t go back because I was waiting on my village to do the same. Even being the chief’s wife can only protect you for so long when you run around telling everyone that we shouldn’t be fighting the dragons. Especially after I was taken. You may not be a wife or mother yet, but you can’t tell me there is no one back on Berk you don’t regret leaving behind.” Astrid dropped her gaze, her mind immediately turning to Brenna. “I’m not saying I made the right choice, only that I thought I did at the time, just as you believe you’ve made the right choice. I hope for your sake that in twenty years time you still do.” She gave Astrid a tired but genuine smile. “And if at some point you change your mind, I’ll help you in any way that I can.”

Astrid shifted her weight on her feet. “Thanks for the offer, but I can handle myself.” Valka’s smile tightened.

“I certainly hope so. Come on, Cloudjumper.” She hooked her staff around the large dragon’s claw and he lifted her up so she could jump onto his back. Astrid couldn’t help her admiration of Valka’s skill as she watched her walk easily over Cloudjumper’s shifting back as the dragon climbed halfway out of the cave opening before spreading two of his four wings and taking flight.

Astrid thought again of Brenna, and how long twenty years was.


	25. Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Here be smut.

She followed the clang of metal on metal to the forge, where she found Hiccup standing over the anvil, hammer in hand and pounding away at a thin piece of steel. Toothless was curled around his legs, and he looked up when she entered the room, large green eyes wide and worried. He rumbled softly and stood, ears flat against his skull, and padded over to her. They shared a long look, then Toothless nodded at Hiccup before his nose was at her back and nudging her at his rider.

_Your turn_ , those big green eyes seemed to say, before he slipped quietly into the dark tunnel.

If Hiccup noticed his exit, or her entrance, he didn’t acknowledge it.

The sound of clashing metal rang sharp in her ears, and she watched sparks erupt from Hiccup’s hammer with every blow.

“Hey,” she said. Hiccup didn’t answer. “You okay?” she tried again.

The sound grew louder. She wasn’t even certain if he was actually trying to shape the metal, or just taking out his frustrations on it.

“Every time,” Hiccup growled. “Every damn time, it’s the same stupid fight. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.” His words fell in time with the fall of his hammer. “She could change everything, and she just _won’t_!” The thin piece of metal cracked, and Hiccup tossed his hammer to the side with angry shout. He pulled off his work gloves and stepped away from the anvil to slouch against his worktable with his head in his hands, his back still to her. “What I wouldn’t give right now for a drink,” he mumbled.

Astrid approached him carefully and placed her hand on his shoulder. Hiccup raised his head and she could see what might have been tears in the corners of his eyes. “Hiccup,” she began, but he interrupted her.

“She’s right, though.”

Astrid blinked. “What?”

Hiccup turned empty eyes towards her. “She’s right. I haven’t done much more to change their minds than she ever did. I left and let them all think I’m dead, let Dad think I’m dead.” He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. “And even if we defeat the Queen, we still have the Vikings to convince, and that won’t be easy, even if the raids have stopped. She’s right, we’re stuck.”

Astrid frowned. “Not about everything,” she said, even as she acknowledged the truth of Valka’s statements, the truth she and Hiccup had both been wrestling with for weeks; that _he_ had been wrestling with for years: their current solutions were not sustainable, and anything more permanent was nearly impossible.

He groaned. “And I could do it; we would stand a chance if only she would just _help_ me.” Astrid stepped closer and let her hand wander up and down his back in a soothing motion. “But of course she won’t.” Hiccup laughed bitterly. “I don’t know why I ever thought she would. Dragons have always meant more to her than people. They meant more to her than me.” He took a shaky breath and Astrid rested her head on his shoulder.

“Maybe it wasn’t that simple. Maybe she thought she was doing the best thing for everyone,” she said quietly, more for the sake of Hiccup’s comfort than her own convictions.

Hiccup snorted. “Sure she did.” He was quiet for a few moments more before, “After everything that happened with Dad, I was so excited when I found her, and saw everything she was doing with dragons. And she was so _proud_ of me. Her dragon-riding, dragon-loving son…” His voice shook, and Astrid pulled away to see a lost, broken look on his face. His eyes were wild and brimming with tears and his lip was quivering. “But I wasn’t enough,” he murmured, his voice flickering in and out of a whisper. “I was never _enough,_ not for either one of them, not for anyone--”

“You _are_ enough,” Astrid pressed, hands wrapping around his upper arms and shaking him gently. “Maybe they don’t see it, but you are enough. You’re enough for me, for Toothless, for everyone who matters. It doesn’t matter if you’re not exactly what they wanted you to be, you’ve chosen your own path. You’ve picked dragons _and_ Vikings and there’s nothing wrong with that. And if there is _any_ hope for change in this whole mess, it’ll be from someone like you, who refuses to choose sides; who refuses to agree that there has to _be_ sides.”

Hiccup’s eyes rose to meet hers, and he simply looked at her for a long minute, before his hands cupped her cheeks and he pulled her into a hard kiss.

The edge of the wood dug into her back as Hiccup pinned her against the worktable, his mouth moving desperately over hers. His hands traveled down to her waist and crushed her against him while his lips left quick, feverish kisses down her neck before returning to her mouth and swallowing her questions. His hips pressed close to hers, his thigh slotting between her legs, and he started a slow grinding motion, making her whimper. He moaned into her mouth, the growing heat of his groin rubbing against the crease of her hip. His hand slid down her thigh to pull up her skirt, and Astrid pulled away from his kiss.

“Hiccup, what are you—”

“I need you,” he panted against her cheek, and when she drew back enough to really look at him, her heart broke at the fragility in his eyes.

She nodded. “Okay,” she said breathlessly, before his mouth was on hers again.

Even after their extended session last night her body thrummed under his hands and she shivered as he kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear. He spun her suddenly, bending her over the table and pushing her legs apart as he rucked up her skirt. One of his arms stayed locked around her waist as the other pulled down her leggings and fought one-handed with the ties of his pants. His breath was hot against her ear and his fingers cool between her legs as he stroked her. Astrid’s eyes fluttered shut and her heart pounded with anticipation. She was so easily worked up lately. He hardly had to touch her; the thought of it was enough to leave her wet and wanting. She could feel him against her thigh, already hard and so very hot.

Hiccup kissed her temple tenderly, and then slammed into her without warning.

Astrid gasped, her head dropping to press against the table, while Hiccup breathed a shuddering sigh into her hair. He’d hardly given her a minute to adjust before he was moving, quick, hard strokes that left them both panting and whimpering. His lips dropped messy kisses on her neck, and his hand between her legs held her hips tight against him even as he rubbed circles against that sensitive bud.

“I love you,” he rasped in her ear, as he so often did when they made love, but especially on his worse days, when the way he took her was rough and edging on selfish. She tried to reply, but the angle had him hitting her deep and rubbing _that_ spot with every sure stroke, and her words were lost to a wanton moan.

The heat of the forge was already sweltering, and it wasn’t long before their clothes were sweat-drenched and clinging to their skin. The table edge bit into her hipbones, and the muscles of her legs ached from the strain of holding herself up on her toes for so long, but he felt so good and she felt so full she didn’t care.

She doubted she’d ever admit it to him, too many connotations of dominance, but she liked when he took her from behind. She liked the feeling of his hips grinding against her ass; liked how his hands always ended up giving her breasts and her pearl the attention they needed; liked the angle and how she often came more quickly.

Hiccup had started mumbling into her neck, as he was wont to do. Sometimes it was praise and promises and adoration; sometimes it was filth: things he’d like to do to her, what she felt like around him; most often it was a nonsensical litany of broken sentences and half-thought phrases  interspersed with her name and murmured into her skin like a prayer.

“Beautiful…gods, Astrid…you’re so—fuck—need you, I always need you, I can’t—nothing, not without you...Astrid, _ah_ , need you, don’t, _oh gods_ , don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I want _ah_ , enough…I want to be enough for you…”

Her hand found his on her breast and intertwined her fingers with his. “I love you,” she gasped, and titled her head back enough to kiss his cheek. “I love you, I’m not going anywhere.”

Valka was right, Hiccup wasn’t always easy to handle; she had seen that side of him already. Valka was right about many things; she was right about almost as many things as she was wrong about. They could not spend the rest of their lives acting as mediators between the Vikings and dragons; the situation could not stay as it was, but on their own, what could they do?

Things used to be simple. Things used to make sense. Astrid had known her place and her side  and her mission. Things like loyalty and enemies and honor and what she was supposed to do.  Those same things didn’t make as much sense anymore.

But this did.

_This_ made sense. _Hiccup_ made sense. Being in his arms, feeling his breath on her neck and his hands on her skin. The way they fit together; the heat and friction melding them together like metal in the forge fire. Hiccup pressed her lower against the table and picked up his pace. Astrid whimpered and her hand found his between her legs, egging him on.  She was so close, he was touching her everywhere she needed, everything was tightening, she rocked her hips back against his, chasing the sensation. A particularly hard thrust and she was arching her back and gasping into the tabletop as she seized around him.

Her eyes fluttered open, her breaths coming hard and Hiccup thrusting toward his own end behind her, and suddenly she realized _why_ she’d wanted him so much lately. Hiccup’s rhythm turned erratic, and Astrid’s eyes widened. “Hiccup, wait—”

Too late. He came with a grunt, still inside her, and Astrid closed her eyes and let her head thud against the table.

“I shouldn’t have let you do that,” she said once she thought he might be coherent again.

Hiccup pulled away, still panting, and rifled through a drawer to find a clean rag to clean themselves up with. “Normally you want me to.”

Astrid straightened and snatched the rag out of his hands. “And you normally remind me that it’s safer if you don’t.” She could feel Hiccup’s perplexed stare as she cleaned herself. “I’m so stupid. We shouldn’t have been doing this at all lately.”

“Uh, explain?”

Astrid huffed, her cheeks growing warm, though she suspected they were likely still pink from exertion as well. “I’m fertile. That’s why I’ve been so damn horny lately.”

“Oh.” Astrid rolled her eyes and tossed the rag aside and pulled up her leggings.

“I’m usually better at keeping track of these things, but I didn’t even think about it until today.” She slumped against Hiccup’s shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her.

“How worried should we be? I mean, you’ve still been drinking that tea, right?” Hiccup said, nuzzling his face into her hair and kissing her ear.

Astrid shrugged, fighting a smile at Hiccup’s affection. “Well, between last night and today? I don’t know. It’s not like the tea is a guarantee, but we’ve cut it close before without anything happening. I guess we just wait and see if I start bleeding in a couple weeks or not.” Hiccup hummed into her hair, lips still lazily trailing her skin. Astrid giggled despite herself. “You sound so concerned that I’ve just told you that there’s a chance I might get knocked up.”

“We don’t know that yet,” Hiccup told her, kissing his way around to her cheek. “And we’ll figure something out if you do.”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “I forgot how mellow you get after sex.” She smiled and let Hiccup kiss her, happy to see him looking so relaxed after such a stressful morning. “You feeling better, at least?”

Hiccup nodded and kissed her again, a sweet brush of his lips across hers that was so different from his earlier urgency. “You always know how to make me feel better,” he mumbled. “It’s hard to worry about anything.” He pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her deeply but softly. When they broke the kiss Astrid settled her chin on his shoulder and carded her fingers through his hair.

“What would we do,” she asked,” if I did get pregnant? I know I might not be, and I’m probably worrying over nothing, but it’s not like it couldn’t happen.”

Hiccup sighed through his nose, the cool air pleasant against the sweat-damp skin of her neck.

“We’d figure something out. I know people who could help us. Hilde, the woman who owns that tavern, she could help. She’d give us a place to stay when you were close to being due, so we’d have people around to help when you gave birth. And Laleh, she’s a…friend of mine, she’s a mother, she’d help. And there’s always that herb you mentioned, the one for when Moon Tea fails…” Hiccup trailed off, and Astrid’s arms tightened around his shoulders subconsciously.

There was always that option, she supposed. Pennyroyal supposedly wasn’t pleasant but it was effective. That would be the simplest solution. They weren’t exactly in the best position to be parents, after all.

Even so, the thought of a child of hers and Hiccup’s, a baby who was part of her and part of him…it seemed such a precious thing she wasn’t sure she could ever bring herself to be rid of it…but would Hiccup feel the same?

Astrid pulled back and gave Hiccup a tight smile. “It doesn’t matter right now anyway. We’ve done enough worrying for one day. Tell me about what you’re making…”

Xx

“I can’t promise to solve your dragon problem, but I can at least promise to improve your chances.”

Stoick stroked his beard pensively and frowned at the dark-haired young man across the table. “And what makes you so sure you can help? We need dragon killers more than dragon trappers, eh, Erik, was it?”

The young man gave him a cocky smile. “Eret, actually, sir.”

“Don’t listen to him, Eret son of Eret, we totally need dragon trappers too.” Ruffnut fluttered her eyelashes and gave Eret a suggestive flick of her brows. Beside her, Snotlout scowled and elbowed her gently.

“Ruff, babe!”

Ruffnut rolled her eyes and shifted the infant sleeping in her arms. “What? I’m just kidding around! I can look at the menu, I just can’t order anymore.”

Snotlout opened his mouth to reply but Stoick cleared his throat loudly and the bickering couple quieted. He nodded to Eret. “Well?”

“The thing is,” Eret began, “Dragon trapping is much the same as dragon killing, you just don’t get to the actual killing part, which just saves a step, the way I see it. We’ve got traps and specialized equipment for bringing dragons down. We can help upgrade your defenses and rid you of a few dragons—for a fee, of course.”

Stoick hummed. “And this equipment you have, like those nets you showed me on your ship, could they bring down any dragon?”

Eret nodded. “Near enough any dragon, yeah. We coat them in special oils to keep them fireproof, but they’re tricky against things like Timberjacks.”

“Could you use them to shoot down a Night Fury?”

Eret looked taken aback. “A Night Fury? I don’t know that there’s anything that could take down a Night Fury. I don’t know why you would even want to try.” He frowned. “Unless…” His eyebrows shot up. “You want to take down that Dragon Master fellow I’ve heard about.”

Stoick nodded. “If we could, yes. But these nets of yours, if they couldn’t take down a Night Fury, do you think they could bring down a dragon with a rider on its back? Without harming the rider?”

Eret looked perplexed. “Well, I couldn’t say, really, it’s not like we’ve ever had to try. I suppose it would depend on how low to the ground they were when we shot them down. And if you’re aiming for the Dragon Master, it doesn’t make much difference either way, because I still don’t think it’s possible to shoot that dragon of his out of the sky, with or without him on it.”

Stoick shook his head. “It’s not him we want you to shoot down.” He paused, his eyes sweeping over the faces of the few gathered in the room. “There’s a girl who flies at the Dragon Master’s side.”

Eret blinked at him. “A girl? He’s got an ally?” Those gathered in the room nodded, most with eyes downturned. It was difficult for all of them to admit their former friend’s allegiance. Eret sat back in his chair. “Blimey. How did that happen?”

Stoick cast another glance around the room, finally landing on Gobber, who nodded, eyes narrowed. He sighed. “We tried to win the Dragon Master’s favor by gifting him a young woman. Not only did it not work, but she now fights at his side.”

Eret’s eyes went wide. He looked around the room at the guilty faces all staring at the table tops. Ruffnut’s baby started fussing and she held the child closer. “You did what?” No one answered. “Gods above,” he breathed. “I’d heard things were desperate in some parts of the Barbaric Archipelago but I hadn’t heard things had gotten _that_ bad. I mean, you miss a lot of gossip when you’re on the sea for awhile, but I’d have thought I’d have heard about this. When did this happen?”

“Last November,” Gobber said quietly.

Eret shook his head, frowning. “Last November? Now I’m really wondering why I didn’t hear about this. I’d have thought Astrid at least would have told me when I saw her.”

All eyes in the room turned to Eret. “What?” A tall man with a blond beard and striking blue eyes leaned forwards, gaping at Eret. “You—what do you mean—you’ve spoken to Astrid?”

“Um, yes?” Eret scratched at his chin. “Back towards the end of last year, around your winter holiday. I met her by chance in a tavern in…Ing’s Ear, I think.”

The blond man was on his feet and had his hands on Eret’s shoulders before he realized what was happening. The man’s blue eyes were wide and manic as he stared down at the younger man. “You saw her around Snoggletog? At Ing’s Ear? What was she doing there? What did she say? How was she?”

“Arvid, calm yourself,” Stoick said evenly, and Arvid threw a glare over his shoulder.

“Around Snoggletog, Stoick, do you realize what this means?”

Stoick frowned. “Not yet, but perhaps if you let this young man continue his story we can find out.” Arvid’s large hands lifted from Eret’s shoulders and he reluctantly took his seat. Eret scratched at the brand on his chest nervously. And here he thought this career choice might be the safer one. Stoick turned his attention to Eret. “Tell us, Eretson, when you saw Astrid, what was she doing in Ing’s Ear?”

Eret shrugged. “We didn’t talk for long, and it’s been a while now, I don’t remember very well, but I remember she said she had left Berk. Something had happened here and she decided to leave.” He watched those seated at the table exchange guilty glances again. “She was trying to find passage on a ship to take her somewhere else. She wanted to go somewhere new, get a fresh start. I offered to let her come with me, but she turned that down. Said she was trying to get away from fighting dragons.”

Stoick’s bushy red eyebrows drew together. “Did she say how she got to Ing’s Ear to begin with? Was she there with someone?”

“Em…” Eret frowned at those assembled in the corner of Berk’s Great Hall. “She was there with a friend of hers, some young man.”

Everyone was exchanging looks Eret didn’t understand again.

“A young man?” Stoick asked, blue-green eyes hard and burning in the low firelight. “What sort of young man?”

“What sort of _friend_?” Arvid interjected, his curled lip making his true meaning clear.

Eret cleared his throat, feeling awkward and wondering what exactly he had walked into the middle of.  “I don’t know, really. It seemed kind of complicated. She said she thought there had been something romantic between them, but she’d tried to push him away or something, and he’d gone to the inn upstairs with some other girl, and she was furious about it. In the end she decided that she didn’t want to share and went up there after him. Last I saw her, they were leaving together, her and this idiot bloke of hers.”

“So you saw him?” Stoick demanded, almost as soon as the words were out of Eret’s mouth. “This man she was with, you actually saw him?”

Eret shifted in his chair. “Well, I mean just for a second.”

“What did he look like?”

“I—I dunno, I mean, it’s been months since that happened, and I only got a brief glimpse of him, and from across a crowded room—”

“You’ve got to remember something, anything.”

“He was, I don’t know, he was tall, thin? Brownish hair, I think? Look, why does this all matter so much?”

Stoick ignored him. The large man was looking at Gobber. “Tall and thin with brown hair, same as your friend said in his letter. That’s got to be him.”

“That’s got to be who? Why is this so important? Look, what happened to drive Astrid away, and why does it matter so much that I saw her with some random bloke in a town far away from here?”

Again, no one answered; their eyes were all fixed on the table. Finally Stoick sighed and said, “We have reason to believe that young man you saw…is the Dragon Master himself.”

Eret’s mouth fell open. His heart dropped into his stomach. But, if that man was the Dragon Master, then Astrid---

“It was her,” he said, voice quiet and small in the large room. “The girl you gave to the Dragon Master to appease him, it was Astrid.”

No one contradicted him. Eret ran a hand through his hair and exhaled a shaky sigh. “I can’t believe it. And now she’s…she’s fighting with him? I can’t—”

“She’s been wreaking havoc on the villages,” Stoick continued, nonplussed. “We need your assistance to bring her, and if possible, her draconic husband, to justice. Preferably without harming her until we know for certain that her guilt is absolute.”

Eret blinked at the table top. “I…I suppose I’ll see what I can do to help.”

The rest of the meeting was spent discussing the logistics and strategy of battle and what improvements Eret and his men could bring to their defenses, but Gobber found he could not pay attention to any of it. The wheels of his mind were turning, cogs slotting together and thoughts falling into place. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the meeting had ended until he felt Stoick’s hand on his shoulder.

“You alright, Gobber?” Gobber gave his friend a long look before nodding and taking a swig from the mug he’d been ignoring.

“Just fine, Stoick. Just…thinkin’.” Stoick nodded and left to inspect Eret’s traps. Gobber sighed and started the journey back to the forge.

It was a quiet day, not much work to be done and no customers waiting for him at the window. Gobber poked absently at the forge to get it burning, but his mind was still faraway. He stared at the curtain sectioning off the back of the shop. Without really thinking about what he was doing, he pushed the curtain aside and stepped into the tiny workspace and looked around at dusty blueprints for inventions his young apprentice had never realized. All of those dreams, all of those mad ideas, left here to gather dust.

For nearly five years he had wondered, had let it niggle at the back of his mind…

They never had found a body.


	26. The Ones Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG. I didn't mean to go so long without updating, but life happened. I'm a bridal seamstress and it's wedding season, so I've been insanely, INSANELY busy the last few weeks.
> 
> And since my life is kind of unpredictable right now, I can't promise that updates are going to be regular for a while, but I can promise that I will never abandon this story. Not ever.

The soft clink of moving tools and drawers opening and closing filtered from the back of the shop along with warm candlelight.

He crept close to the door and peeked inside. The figure inside had his back turned, so Gobber quietly pushed the door open and slipped inside and into a chair, adept after all these years at moving silently with a peg leg. The tall black-clad figure rifling through shelves of specialized tools didn't notice until Gobber cleared his throat and said, "Can I help you find something?"

The figure spun around, pulling his sword from its holster and igniting it. Gobber ignored the flaming weapon and pulled a flask of ale from a drawer as he propped his feet up on the desk in front of him. "Put the sword down, boy. You and I both know you aren't going to hurt me."

The masked man made no move except to subtly tilt his head. Gobber could imagine the expression of confusion behind the mask.

"Did you ever meet Old Wrinkly?" He asked, and the helmeted head tilted further. "He was our old soothsayer, even though he wasn't very good at it. The chief's father-in-law too. Hunched back, shriveled old man. But you should have seen him in his youth. Tall and thin. Strong but lean." His eyes flicked to the man. "Built like you." He took a sip and nodded at the man’s sword. "Interesting contraption, how did you come up with that? And how d’ye keep it lit? It’s a remarkable piece of engineering, I’ll give you that. And you hold it in your right hand a lot but you’re a lefty, aren’t you? Noticed that recently. You use your left for everything but that sword. You use it when you’re directing your dragons. And that's another thing, how good you are with them.  You've got this way with the beasts, it really is somethin’." A long draw of mead while the figure stood, tense. "A tall, lean young man, left-handed, creative and talented with metalwork, capable of engineering unusual projects; has an extraordinary way with dragons, flies a Night Fury when there's only one person in all of Viking history who ever claimed to shoot one down and was just dumb enough and brilliant enough to try, AND has a soft spot for Astrid Hofferson?" Gobber chuckled. "Only one person I ever knew who could fit that description." His smile faded. "So like I said, put the sword down, boy. You're not going to harm me."

For a long moment no one moved, and for a brief second Gobber doubted his conviction, but then slowly the sword lowered and extinguished. 

"How long have you known?"

Gobber closed his eyes, a smile coming to his lips in spite of himself. "Oh, it is good to hear your voice again."

Hiccup took a step closer. "How long have you known?" He said again. "Who else knows?"

Gobber waved his one whole hand in Hiccup's direction. "I haven't told your father, don't you fret."

He heard Hiccup's relieved sigh against the inside of his mask. "Are you going to?"

Gobber sighed and took a long draw from his flask. "Don't know how I could." He shook his head. "How am I supposed to tell him that his long-dead son is the Dragon Master who's been attacking our village?"

"I haven't been attacking the village," Hiccup said, leaning back against the table behind him. "It's more complicated than that."

"I'll bet it is. You spent most of your life talking about how you were going to kill a dragon, and now look at you."

"I actually bothered to take a good long look at what I was supposed to be killing, and I found that it was nothing like what I thought it was, that's all."

Gobber furrowed his brow. "I always did wonder how you suddenly got so good in training. Speaking of looks, take that silly helmet off; let me see how you've turned out after all these years. It's gettin' kinda weird picturing your chubby little face as it was attached to that big tall body."

Hiccup’s arms visibly tensed. "I don't think it's safe for me to do that."

Gobber raised his arms and gestured around the empty shop. "I already know it's you, Hiccup, how much more trouble can your face actually get you in?"

"If you were to sound the alarm-"

"If I was going to sound the alarm I would have done it already. Now take the damn helmet off and let me see your face." Gobber had heard that exasperated sigh a thousand times, and he didn't have to see the boy's face to picture the annoyed scowl he was wearing.

"Fine," Hiccup said. His hands rose to the sleek, spiked helmet and hesitated for a moment. Another soft sigh and he pulled off the helmet, revealing a long freckled face with a sharp square jaw, high cheekbones, and eyes just as green and bright as they had been five years previous. The handsome young man who’d spoken with Hiccup’s voice and answered to Hiccup’s name ran a hand through hair that was more ruddy bronze than the copper Gobber remembered. 

"Thor almighty," he said softly, a smile spreading across his face while Hiccup avoided his gaze. "Look at you, all grown up." He smirked. "No wonder Astrid swapped sides."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Gobber!" He griped, and for a moment it was as if no time had passed, as if they weren't on opposite sides of a war. 

“I’m just sayin’, I was wondering whether that drawing of her was done from imagination or life, but I think now I know the answer.”

“ _Gobber!_ ” Hiccup flushed red and shifted his weight on his feet, and Gobber was five years back, teasing his young apprentice about the girl he had a crush on.

Gobber threw back his head and laughed. “I’m still surprised you sent that. I suppose after all these years you wanted to cash in your bragging rights? You know, I’m even more surprised that Astrid let you do it.”

Hiccup grimaced. “Yeah, well…she didn’t. She never would have let me do something that stupid. _I_ never would have let me do something that stupid.” His brow furrowed, guilt stealing over his face. “There was alcohol involved. It was a night of stupid decisions.”

Gobber hummed into his drink and scrutinized Hiccup. “How is Astrid? Is she alright? Is she safe with you?”

Hiccup’s eyes flashed dangerously, his expression turning cold, and there was nothing familiar about the dark scowl of the young man before him.  “She’s a hel of a lot safer with me than she was here,” he growled, voice low. “I mean, a virgin sacrifice? _Really_? What the fuck was that?”

“The desperate act of desperate men,” Gobber said, his eyes falling to his drink, unable to look any longer at the angry creature that had replaced his former apprentice. “I was against it, but we’d tried so many things and everything else had failed, so I was vastly outvoted. And, well…” he trailed off, staring at the mead sloshing in his flask, “Your father hasn’t been the same since he lost you.”

He looked up at Hiccup’s snort of derision. The young man was glaring into the corner. “I don’t think any amount of grief excuses offering up an innocent girl to be raped and tortured and killed.”

“She hasn’t been, though, so at least there’s that.”

“Not like any of you knew that when you gave her up.”

Gobber nodded. “Aye, that’s fair.” He watched Hiccup, carefully evaluating the narrowed eyes and set jaw. “She is safe with you, though? You’re good to her?”

“Course I am,” Hiccup said, “I love her, I’m not going to let anything happen to her.” Gobber raised an eyebrow. He’d said it so casually, as if it was a non-issue, a given, and Gobber didn’t doubt the truth in it. No wonder the Dragon Master was rumored to be so protective of his captive and accomplice; he’d fallen in love with her.

They were quiet for a few minutes while the only sound was the wind blowing outside, before Gobber sighed and asked the question he didn’t want to ask but knew he needed to. “Why are you doin’ all this, Hiccup?” When the boy didn’t answer he continued, “Why did you leave? Why did you let us all think you’d died? Why—well, why everything?”

“If I stayed I would have had to kill a dragon,” Hiccup answered quietly. He looked at Gobber, face set in determination and sadness. “I couldn’t kill that Nightmare. Just like I couldn’t kill Toothless.”

Gobber raised his eyebrow. “Toothless?”

“My dragon,” Hiccup replied immediately. “The Night Fury.”

Gobber blinked at him. “ _Toothless?_ ”

A hint of a smile graced Hiccup’s lips. “He has retractable teeth.”

“If you and Astrid ever have children, promise me you’ll let _her_ name them.”

Hiccup’s smile faded. “He’s my best friend. My _first_ friend. I shot him down and I had the chance to kill him but I didn’t take it. I couldn’t. I never could. Once I realized that I knew I couldn’t stay here.”

Gobber nodded. “And the raids?”

“I protect the dragons from the villagers and the villagers from the dragons. The dragons defend themselves, but they aren’t dangerous, not really—”

“Not dangerous?” Gobber interrupted, frowning. “The fact that you have to protect us from them at all should be proof enough that they’re dangerous!”

Hiccup glared, leaning forward. “They defend themselves, that’s all there is to it. You don’t know the first thing about they’re really like.”

Gobber held up the curved metal hook where his hand used to be. “I think I know a thing or two about what dragons are like, Hiccup.” He shook his head. “You have a way with them. Just because you managed to tame the beasts doesn’t mean they’re actually tame.” He sighed. “You were always different. It wasn’t always a bad different, and I always thought you’d grow up and come into your own one day and be something great, and maybe you could have been if it weren’t for all…” He waved his hands in Hiccup’s general direction. “… _this_.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “You just gestured to all of me,” he said dryly. He turned his back on his former mentor to dig through the drawers behind him, no longer trying to be quiet. “And I guess that’s the problem, isn’t it? You always came closer to understanding me than anyone else on this island, and even then you still think the parts of me that should change are the parts that make me _me_.”

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that you’re different, Hiccup, or even that you have…whatever it is you have with the dragons, but you’re standing here telling me the beasts that have ravaged my village for as long as I’ve been alive, that have taken two of my limbs and more of my friends than that, are actually very friendly and just misunderstood? You have to admit, it’s a hard sell!”

Hiccup’s hands stilled. “Gods, she’s right, isn’t she?” He mumbled to himself. He pulled one of Gobber’s good precision hammers out of the drawer and dropped it into a bag hanging from his belt. “Just because I’m different doesn’t mean I’m not right.” He glanced at Gobber over his shoulder. “It just means I’m the first to see it.” He turned back to the drawer and closed it. “Where are my left-handed long curved tongs? You know, the really long thin ones for precision fire work?”

Gobber sank back into his chair and took a long drink from his flask. “Very back of the bottom drawer below the table. Not much need for them since you’ve been gone.” Hiccup crouched down and opened a drawer. “Not that one. Next one over.” Hiccup opened the correct drawer and after a minute of searching found the tool he needed.

“Hello, old friend,” he said, admiring the feel of the tongs in his dominant hand for a moment before dumping it in his bag. “I’ve searched half the forges and markets in the archipelago looking for something like these. Finally gave up and figured I’d go to the one forge I knew would have them.”

Gobber watched him and tapped his peg leg idly on the floor. “I don’t mind you taking those, but I’d like my hammer back, at least.”

Hiccup nodded, expression neutral. “I’ll bring the rest back when I’m done with them.” He picked his helmet up off the table and slid it back onto his head, masking his face once more. He turned to leave but Gobber’s words stopped him in the doorway.

“It really is good to see you again, Hiccup,” Gobber said, voice soft and earnest. “You’ve no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Hiccup admitted quietly. “I don’t miss much of Berk anymore but…I miss this place.” The dark eyes of his mask turned to Gobber. “Please don’t tell my dad that it’s me. I don’t…I want him to remember me as I was.”

Gobber gave him a small salute with his hook. “Take care of yourself, Hiccup. And take care of Astrid.”

Hiccup tipped his head, and disappeared into the still night.

Xx

Astrid glanced around warily before grabbing the loose board on the side of the house and using it to hoist herself up onto the lowest window ledge. This was stupid, and dangerous, she knew, but no more stupid or dangerous than what Hiccup was doing right now, and she did not think it fair that he got to take such a risk while she played lookout. The whole village was asleep and Toothless was nearby if trouble arose.

Even in the dull glow of moonlight she knew exactly where to find the handholds on the side of the house, having climbed up and down this wall a hundred times throughout her childhood and adolescence. 

She pulled herself up to the window and glanced inside. The room was empty, and Astrid swung her legs over the ledge and landed lightly on the floor. Everything was as she'd left it, her room untouched and undisturbed since she's been dragged screaming from it months ago.   
She closed her eyes and forced a deep breath. There was no time for nostalgia. She had only as long as it would take Hiccup to find the things he needed in Gobber's forge.

She opened her door slowly so it wouldn't creak. She didn't let her eyes dwell long on the room below as she crossed the small landing to the next door. She pressed her ear to the wood and when she heard no sound from within opened the door and peeked inside. All was quiet and still, and Astrid bit her lip against a smile as she crept to the bed and the little figure nestled under the quilts. She sat down on the side of the bed; then leaned in to drop a few kisses to the forehead peeking out from between woolen blankets and blonde hair. 

The little girl stirred, and Astrid kissed her temple and whispered, "Hey, Trouble."

Long blonde eyelashes fluttered and the little girl yawned and blinked open blue-green eyes. She squinted in the dark at Astrid, and then her eyes grew wide and a grin broke out across her face. She opened her mouth to speak but Astrid held a finger to her own smiling lips, and Brenna launched herself into her big sister's arms with a soft squeak.

Astrid wrapped her arms tightly around her baby sister and buried her face in her soft blonde curls. Her hair was longer than it had been the last time she'd seen her, and she had grown noticeably. It made Astrid sad to know she’d missed even that much. Astrid stroked her back and breathed in her sister's scent. It wasn't quite that same sweet baby smell she'd had when she was born, but Brenna had a wonderful, indefinable childlike aroma to her that made Astrid feel more at home in this house, in this village, than she had in a very long time. 

"I missed you, Lil Bit," she whispered, and kissed Brenna's ear. The arms around her neck squeezed her tighter before releasing her, and Brenna pulled away to beam at her.

"I missed you too, Sissy. I missed you lots and lots. But I loved my presents!" She dug around in the blankets until she pulled out her doll, which was wearing one of the dresses Astrid had sent her. Brenna hugged the doll close. "Dolly looks so pretty now."

"I'm glad you like them," Astrid said, fingering the hem of the doll dress. 

"So are you home now? Are you done with your super-secret mission?" 

Astrid's smile faltered and she tucked a lock of hair behind Brenna's ear. "Not yet, love. I'm sorry, but I'm only here for a visit."

"A long visit?"

"No, I'm sorry; I can only stay a few minutes."

Brenna pouted. "Why can't you stay longer?"

Astrid sighed. "It's complicated, Brenna. You'll understand when you're older."

Brenna gave her an exasperated sigh. "Everyone keeps telling me that. Mama and Daddy tell me that when they try to get me to tell them about you and your friend, or when I ask where you are and why we can't visit you, or why people in the village give me weird looks when I talk about you." She huffed. "Why do I have to wait until I'm older to understand everything? Why can't grown-ups just stop being so hard to understand? It's so stupid."

Astrid chuckled and mussed her sister's hair. "You're right about that, Little Bit. Maybe when you grow up you can make everyone stop being so confusing."

The little girl giggled. "That's exactly what I'm gonna do." When her giggling quieted she scooted closer to Astrid and started trying to braid a few strands of Astrid's hair that had slipped loose on the flight over. "So if you can't stay here, can I come with you?" 

Astrid's smile faded. "No, Brenna, I'm afraid not."

"How come?" The little girl asked casually.

Astrid sighed. "Because you're safer here. And because you belong here, with Mama and Daddy, and other kids your age. If you came with me it'd just be you and me and Hi-my friend, and a couple of dragons."

Brenna grinned at her. "That sounds like fun."

Astrid helped her clumsy toddler fingers with tying off the little braid. "You'd start missing Mama and Daddy before long. Believe me, Brenna, if I could stay here with you, or take you with me, I would." She hooked a finger under Brenna's chin and nudged it up to look at her. "But right now you'll be safest and happiest here, and I'm safest and happiest...well, not here."

"With your tall funny friend?"

Astrid's lip quirked in smile. "With my tall funny friend."

"Astrid, is he your husband?"

The question took Astrid by surprise, though in hindsight it shouldn't have. The last time she and Brenna had been in the same room Astrid had been dressed as a bride. Astrid bit her lip. While she and Hiccup had discussed what terminology did and didn't and maybe-sorta-did-but-not-quite-yet applied to their relationship, there was no real definitive label yet, and ‘former captive and captor turned allies and lovers’ was perhaps a bit beyond the little girl's level of comprehension.

"Yes, yes he is," Astrid said, smiling.

Brenna sighed dreamily. "He's handsome."

Astrid winked. “I think so too.”

Brenna giggled and Astrid hugged her sister close for a moment before glancing at the open window behind them. She was running out of time, she knew. It wouldn't take long before Hiccup would be ready to leave.

She drew back and pulled loose the drawstring of the bag at her side. "I brought something for you," she said, "Close your eyes."

Brenna eagerly obeyed. Astrid smiled and placed her gift on Brenna's lap. "Okay, open." 

Brenna opened her eyes and gasped at the beautifully sewn stuffed Nadder sitting in her lap. She picked up the little dragon and hugged it close. "She's beautiful!"

"Her name is Stormfly, just like my dragon. I know I'm not here to sing to you when you get scared, but from now on, whenever you get scared, you can hug Stormfly close, and wherever I am, I'll feel it. You can hug her, or sit her on the end of your bed, or by the door or the window, and she'll protect you. And," Astrid continued, picking up the little dolly and sitting her on the saddle on the Nadder's back, "She's the perfect size for Dolly to ride." Brenna's eyes were wide with wonder as she watched Astrid lift the Nadder into the air and fly dragon and doll in circles above the bed, before bringing them to 'land' in Brenna's lap. "You don't have to be afraid of the dragons. If you aren't afraid of them, then they won't be afraid of you, okay?" Brenna nodded, eyes alight. "Good." Astrid smiled and leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I have to go now, Brenna, I'm sorry."

Brenna frowned, her bottom lip sticking out. "Can't you stay a little longer?" Astrid gathered the little girl up into her arms and cuddled her close.

"I'm sorry, Lil Bit, but I have to go. But I promise, I'll find a way to see you again soon." 

"Okay," Brenna moaned, breathing a resigned sigh into Astrid's neck.

Astrid closed her eyes and squeezed her sister tighter. She pressed more kisses to the crown of her head, her temple, her face, then finally released her, but not before Brenna had stolen one last kiss against her cheek. 

"I love you, Little Bit," Astrid said, cupping Brenna's face in her hands.

"I love you too, Big Sissy."

One last kiss against golden curls, and Astrid turned away, heart breaking, to climb out the window.

Xx

It had been more than half a year since Arvid Hofferson had had a peaceful, uninterrupted, restful night’s sleep.

He had never been a light sleeper, at least, not more than was a necessity for survival on an island that was routinely attacked in the middle of the night by dragons, but ever since he had given up his eldest daughter in a vain attempt at protecting his village, his nights had turned restless. He couldn’t get comfortable. He’d sleep fitfully. He’d fall asleep for only a few hours at a time, or else wake up far too early in the morning and be unable to go back to sleep.

This, it seemed, was one such night.

He lay in bed, his wife sleeping peacefully at his side, and stared at the ceiling, completely exhausted and totally awake.

There was a creak of floorboards above, and he thought he heard something like a scratching against the side of the house. Probably a bird, he told himself, but for some reason an uneasy feeling was settling in the pit of his stomach. Deciding that he wasn’t going to fall asleep any time soon, he got out of bed, carefully so as not to wake Ingrid, and pulled on his boots.

He exited the house through the side door and glanced around the dim yard. The scratching sound had stopped, but as he turned the corner to the back of the house, he saw the shadow of someone disappearing around the other side of the house. Arvid frowned. Probably one of those Thorston twins making trouble again. It seemed not even marriage and motherhood could keep Ruffnut from causing chaos in the village.

He walked quickly but quietly across the yard and turned the corner, ready to give the Thorston brats what-for, but instead he froze.

“Astrid?”

She whipped around, braid swinging over her shoulder, and stared at him, eyes wide. “Dad?”

For a moment they gaped at each other before Arvid took a step, his hand reaching out towards her. “Astrid, my sweet girl…”

Astrid shook her head and stepped back. “Stay away from me,” she said, her voice trembling and hurt twisting her features.

Arvid’s hand fell a few inches. “Astrid, my darling, I’m so sorry. Dear girl, I’m so, so sorry. I made a terrible mistake, I see that now, I—“

He was interrupted when out of nowhere the great dark shape of the Night Fury and his rider landed behind Astrid with no more sound than a gentle gust of wind.  The dragon’s green eyes were fixed on him, the pupils slits that pinned him in place. The Dragon Master slid off his dragon and hurried to Astrid’s side. His hand wrapped around her elbow and he leaned close to whisper something in her ear.

Arvid glared at the black eye holes of the mask. “ _You_ ,” he spat, taking a step forward, temporarily unafraid of the beast watching over his master. “Get away from her! Take your hand off my girl! Leave her be, and let her come home where she belongs! If I had my axe I’d strike you dead right there where you stand for what you’ve done to my baby girl, for how you’ve corrupted her—”

“No one has _corrupted_ me!” Astrid interjected, pulling away from the Dragon Master and stepping closer to her father. “I made my own choices!”

“Aye, and how much has that demon influenced those choices, eh?” Arvid continued. “I know what he’s done. That’s right, you disgusting, perverted, evil, dragon-loving son of a bitch! I know what you’ve done to my daughter. I know how you’ve warped her mind, turned her against her village and her people. How you’ve taken her honor and had the gall to _boast_ about it! The crown, that—that indecent drawing of her. What sort of sick bastard brags like that about stealing a girl’s maidenhead?”

Astrid was frowning, confusion and perhaps a hint of anger drawing lines between her eyebrows as she glanced back at her dark lover. “What is he talking about? What drawing?”

The masked man leaned close and whispered to her, though from this distance Arvid could not make out his words, though their effect on Astrid was immediate. Her eyes went wide and she ripped her arm out of his grip. “You _what?_ ” she hissed through gritted teeth. He stepped closer, whispering more urgently, and Arvid could almost make out the sound, if not the words. Astrid was shaking her head, incredulous glare turned on the Dragon Master, and Arvid realized it might be his chance.

“Astrid, darling, please,” he said, starting to approach her, but stopping when the Night Fury bared his teeth and emitted a low growl. He stretched out his hand, palm up. “Please, my Astrid, my little girl, I’m so sorry. Please, let me fix this. Let me help you. Whatever hold he had on you I’ll help you break it. You don’t have to do this, you don’t have to stay with him any longer. Please, my darling, let me help you. Come with me. Come home, _please_.”

He could see the emotions warring on Astrid’s face. The hurt and betrayal, the longing, the sadness and fear. She had always been such a loyal girl, but not her loyalties were torn. The Dragon Master stepped so close that his chest was brushing Astrid’s shoulder, and his helmeted head tilted so he could continue whispering his lies into Astrid’s ear. Despite the confliction on her face Astrid was turning subtly towards her lover, who wrapped an arm across the front of her body to gently grab her hip and turn her into his loose embrace, though her eyes never left her father.

Arvid chanced another step, unconcerned with the dragon that growled in warning. “Astrid, _please_ …”

Astrid’s expression crumpled, then hardened into a glare, though tears still shone in her eyes. “You had your chance to save me,” she said, allowing the Dragon Master to pull her backwards with him. “I don’t need saving anymore.

“Astrid, no, please, Astrid!” Arvid sprinted forward, not caring if the Dragon Master or his nightmare beast attempted to harm him, but Astrid was already climbing into the saddle in front of her devil captor, and by the time Arvid reached them, the dragon was leaping into the air.

Arvid watched the black shape of the dragon ascend into the night sky, where he lost sight of it amongst the darkness of the void, taking his beautiful little girl with it.


	27. It's Getting Late to Give You Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long delay, but writing takes time and effort and motivation, and life has been difficult lately. There have been health issues, and work issues, and I'm in the middle of opening a business. And this chapter was long and difficult. But here at last it is.

“Astrid, please talk to me.”

Astrid practically threw herself off of Toothless’s back and stomped across the stone floor on legs that were shaking from more than just the flight.

“STORMFLY!”

“Astrid, come on, please, I know you’re mad, I know it’s been a weird night, but--”

Astrid cupped her hands around her mouth and called again. “STORMFLY!”

“Astrid, milady, please, just, can we just talk about this-”

“Oh, this drawing is just for me, Astrid; you just look so beautiful like this, Astrid. I just want to have this, Astrid. Ha ha, yeah, it’d be funny to send this out as your new wanted poster, but not like I would actually do that, Astrid. _This is just something I want for me, Astrid._ ”

“Okay, yeah, Astrid, I know, okay, I just—“

When her dragon still didn’t heed her call Astrid rounded on her unfortunate lover. “What do you want me to say, Hiccup?!” she shouted, her hands balled into fists at her sides as she stalked towards him. Out of her periphery she saw Toothless scrambling into one of the tunnels. He may have an undying loyalty to his rider but that didn’t mean he was going to stick around and face the wrath of his rider’s mate. Hiccup gulped and held up his hands in a pleading gesture that did little good against Astrid’s screaming. “When I posed for that drawing you didn’t exactly tell me you intended to send it TO MY FATHER!”

Hiccup winced. “Okay, in fairness, though, I didn’t send it to your father. I…sent it to mine.”

“HOW IS THAT ANY BETTER?!”

“I didn’t know your father was going to see it!”

“WHY THE HEL DID _YOUR_ FATHER SEE IT?!”

Hiccup ran his hands through his hair and cringed. “I don’t know okay, it was a stupid decision. I was thinking about how they’re all calling you a traitor and the ‘Dragon Master’s Whore’ and all that stupid stuff and I don’t know, I got all petty and vindictive and thought, what if I reminded them whose fault this is? What if I remind them of what they gave their sacrifice up for to begin with? A sort of, look how well your little sacrifice turned out, kind of thing. I don’t know, it made more sense then, I was drunk and it seemed like—“

“Drunk?”

It was the first thing she’d said since they landed that wasn’t screaming, but that one quiet word silenced Hiccup more effectively than any of her shrieking. She watched Hiccup’s eyes widen and he gulped.

“When,” she began, her voice barely above a whisper, “were you _drunk_?” Hiccup didn’t answer; he merely continued to stare at her with that wide, guilty expression. Astrid took a slow step towards him. “You gave up drinking _months_ ago. _Months_ before you did that drawing.”  He was lying, he had to be. It was the only thing that made sense. “Where would you even have gotten alcohol? I made you throw everything out.”

Hiccup swallowed and licked his lips. “I missed a flask. I found it in the bottom of a scrap bin in the forge a while back.”

Astrid felt like someone had wrapped a block of ice around her heart. Her whole chest felt cold. “So, what, you just drank it?”

“No, no,” Hiccup shook his head, his eyes fixed on her. “I, well, I thought about how I hadn’t had anything in months, you know, but the thing is it wasn’t like I could have drank anything if I wanted to because you made me get rid of it all.”

“Which was the entire _point_ of getting rid of it all.”

“But I thought, what if I held on to this one flask, not to drink it, but just to prove to myself that I _wouldn’t_ drink it. It’s one thing to abstain because I don’t have any other option, but it’s another thing if I know I’m not drinking because my self control is stronger than that.”

Astrid’s fingernails dug into her palms. “And how did that work out for you?” she hissed, her voice colder than the pain in her chest.

Hiccup looked at his feet. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“A good idea you didn’t tell me about.”

He kicked at a pebble with his boot. “I didn’t think you’d understand. I thought you would have told me that it was a bad idea to keep the temptation so close.”

“That’s exactly what I would have told you BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN RIGHT!” Her shriek echoed off the stone walls and Hiccup screwed his eyes shut. Astrid ran her hand through her bangs and started pacing back and forth. “I cannot _believe_ you. So what, have you started drinking behind my back?”

Hiccup looked up at her and shook his head. “No, no, it was just the once, I swear.”

“When?” she demanded, and watched his throat bob as he hesitated. “ _When_ , Hiccup, and don’t you _dare_ lie to me again. We spend almost all our time together, so when the hel were you drinking behind my back?”

“A couple months ago,” Hiccup began. “That night you stopped my dad and Spitelout from killing that Monstrous Nightmare.”

“The one that was gonna hurt Ruff?”

“It heard her baby crying, it was just curious, it wasn’t gonna hurt either one of them.”

“They didn’t know that, Hiccup, you can’t blame your dad for—never mind, we’re not having that argument again.” Astrid shook her head. “So what, that wasn’t even that bad, no one was hurt.”

Hiccup shrugged, his eyes on the ground. “I don’t know, that was a rough week. There had been a raid every night for six days straight and I was tired, and that was the week that Fireworm migration torched that fishing village’s harbor and nearly every ship in it, and Camicazi almost killed that Timberjack, and you know that dragon will never be able to fly as well again, and I don’t know, Astrid, it just, it all kinda…fell on me at once.”

Hearing mention of it now Astrid remembered the week he was talking about. It had been a difficult week for them both; there had been more violence than usual and they’d been so exhausted trying to keep up.

“So you had a rough week, Hiccup that’s not exactly anything new for us. If you were feeling bad enough that you wanted a drink why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“You were tired. And you weren’t feeling well. You had, uh, girl…stuff going on, I think. I wanted to let you sleep.”

Astrid’s tense shoulders fell. “Hiccup however tired I was, whatever I had going on, if you were feeling _that_ bad, if you wanted a drink so bad that you’d _actually_ drink, I still would have helped you if you’d just have _said_ something.”

Hiccup still wouldn’t look at her; he stared expressionless at the ground as if he knew there was no defending his actions, which was a start but Astrid wasn’t ready to forgive him quite yet. “I’m sorry, Astrid. I just…I knew you’d be disappointed I was feeling that way after so long.”

“Hiccup…” Astrid sighed in exasperation. “Relapses happen; I wouldn’t have been disappointed you wanted a drink. I’m disappointed that you actually drank, I’m disappointed that you didn’t wake me up and let me stop you, and I’m mad as hel that you never said a word to me about any of it, but babe, I wouldn’t have been disappointed in you for wanting a drink.” Hiccup didn’t answer. “And honestly, Hiccup, I think you know that. I think you didn’t wake me up because you didn’t _want_ me to stop you.”

Hiccup looked up, his eyes widening. “No, Astrid, I—“

“You didn’t tell me.” Astrid stared him down, the line of her jaw set. “ _Months_ now, and you didn’t tell me _anything_ about this.”

Hiccup stepped towards her, his hands outstretched. “I’m sorry, but, Astrid, I was ashamed, and I knew you’d be mad at me—“

“Of course I would have been mad at you!” Astrid shouted, stepping back. There was a gust of air and a squawk behind her and she glanced back to see Stormfly. “But not nearly as mad as I am that you hid this from me!” She shook her head. “I just can’t believe you.” She turned her back on him and started climbing into Stormfly’s saddle.

“Where are you going?” she looked back to see Hiccup’s panicked expression. She rolled her eyes.

“Calm down, I’m not leaving you,” she snapped. “Not forever, anyway. I just need to be…not here for awhile.” Hiccup didn’t look reassured, and she almost felt bad for him. Almost. He could probably benefit from a good scare like this. Astrid closed her eyes and sighed. “You really should have just told me, Hiccup.”

“Astrid—“

She nudged Stormfly’s flank and they were in the air before Hiccup could finish.

She had no destination in mind as Stormfly carried her out of the mountain and into the cold night air. Astrid groaned and slumped forward, resting her head against her dragon’s neck. Stormfly croaked inquisitively, and Astrid patted her side but remained in her slouched position. “I don’t know, girl. Just…wherever you wanna go, I guess.”

She received a sympathetic trill in response. Stormfly may not have been able to understand what ailed her, but the dragon knew the power of a literal shoulder to cry on. Astrid sighed and adjusted her position in the saddle so that she could rest her side against Stormfly’s neck and look out over the clouds without worrying about slipping off.

She couldn’t believe him.

When had she ever given him the impression that he couldn’t trust her with that kind of thing? Had she not made it clear that she trusted him implicitly? Had she not sat with him through the withdrawal, put up with his irritability and his temper? She knew he had struggled, and she knew that even weeks and months on he’d had days where sobriety was difficult. And after how hard he had fought to gain her trust, it hurt that he had not trusted her when he needed her.

It hurt more than she wanted to admit. She had given him everything, after all. Her trust, her loyalty, her allegiance, her love.

Her virginity.

She squeezed her eyes shut as if she could hide from a world in which that fact had been plainly advertised to her parents. She was sure they had suspected as much, but it was very different to know that they _knew_. That her idiot of a lover had _bragged_ about it.

She groaned again. She didn’t remember the drawing very well. She remembered thinking it had been tasteful rather than lewd and had teased more than revealed. It wasn’t unusual for Hiccup to sketch her; she’d catch him doodling quick gestures of her and Toothless from time to time, and sometimes he’d do longer studies of her in the lazy calm following lovemaking.

She’d thought nothing of it the night he asked if she’d pose. At the time she had assumed he wanted a visual aid for his…alone time, and it had made her blush but had thrilled her at the same time.

And, to his credit, perhaps that _had_ been the drawing’s original purpose. But he had turned it into a declaration of conquest, as if she was just another meaningless fling with a fisherman’s daughter passing through some far off port village.

She was struck for the first time with the irony that her father was a fisherman.

Xx

She was awoken by the first soft rays of sunshine an indeterminable amount of time later, unaware of ever having fallen asleep. Her back and legs ached from the awkward position in the saddle. Astrid blinked and stretched and Stormfly chirped a hello. They’d been flying all night, and Astrid squinted at the grey world around her, trying to make sense of where they had ended up.

They were slowly descending, and below Astrid could see glaciers and sea stacks and mini islands covered in snow.

“Where are we, girl?” she asked around a yawn. More light peeked over the horizon just as they cleared a layer of fog, and in the distance Astrid saw the strangest glacier she’d ever seen. At least, she assumed it was a glacier. From the way the sun glinted off the surface it appeared to be ice, though it was denser and greener than any ice she’d seen before.

The massive structure looked more like a tidal wave had frozen completely solid the instant it crashed against a mountain, but that couldn’t have been physically possible outside a direct act from the gods.

Perhaps that’s exactly what had happened.

They were flying towards the strange glacier, Astrid realized as they glided lower. Stormfly chirped again and Astrid grabbed the saddle just before the dragon pulled into a dive. She picked up speed, her flight less gentle now that her rider was awake.

They approached the glacier and from up close its composition was even more mysterious; there were huge spiky shapes of greens and blues frozen around and over the rocky shape of an island, crisscrossing over and through each other, forming so dense and massive a shape that it was impossible to see how much of the underlying structure was ice and how much was rock. There might indeed have been a mountain hiding under all that ice; it was impossible to tell.

Stormfly made a sharp turn and they dove through an opening between shards of ice and Astrid was momentarily plunged into darkness. They emerged into a cool blue dimness and Astrid could see networks of caves around them. There was some form of mountain underneath; past the ice she could see rock formations and smooth stone. There were areas where the walls were more ice than stone, but many caves they passed through were not that much different than her own mountain home.

Stormfly fluttered to a landing in a smaller cave made mostly of rock, though through the gloom Astrid could see light filtering in through ice walls. Stormfly trilled and settled onto her feet and began grooming her wings. Astrid frowned and slid off her back. It was mostly silent but she could hear unidentifiable noise in the distance. Her dragon seemed unconcerned but Astrid reached for the dagger on her belt just in case. She hadn’t thought to grab her axe before leaving her and Hiccup’s mountain but wished now that she had.

She stepped around an indifferent Stormfly and as her eyes adjusted to the low light she spotted a smoldering firepit in the center of the cave. On further inspection she noticed a few woven baskets leaning against one wall.

“Where have you brought me?” she mused, more to herself than to her dragon.

“Astrid?”

She jumped, spinning around and readying her dagger.

Valka stood in the entrance to a wide passageway leading out of the cave, her enormous dragon crouched behind her and a large basket of fish in her arms. Astrid relaxed. “Valka?” she tucked the dagger back into her belt. “What are you-” she glanced around the room, back at the firepit and baskets. “Is this where you live?” Valka nodded, a frown on her lips and lines worrying her forehead, and her eyes didn’t leave Astrid’s face as she set the basket with the others.

“What brings you here?”

Astrid shrugged and gestured to Stormfly. “She brought me here. I didn’t really—I just needed to get out of the house for awhile.” Her eyes fell to her feet. “I’m sorry for the intrusion. We’ll just—“

“Is everything alright?”

She started to answer yes, to say that everything was alright and then to hop back on Stormfly and get out of here, but the words stuck in her throat. How long had it been since she had someone other than Hiccup to talk to? Aside from the conversation with her sister last night, when was the last time she’d actually had a meaningful conversation with someone other than Hiccup? They kept to themselves, and while she’d grown accustomed to the solitude, it would be nice, in times like these, to have a sympathetic ear.

“No.” The word came out more choked than she’d expected and she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. Valka sighed and gestured towards another passageway.

“This way, dear. You must have been flying for hours. You could do with a hot cup of tea, I’d wager.”

Xx

Hiccup’s signature, an H followed by three lines, was carved into the corner of the wooden table where she sat, staring at the wood grain, as Valka brewed tea over the fire in the center of the cave. Stormfly and Cloudjumper were curled up together in a corner, snoozing. Valka had allowed her to sit quietly while the tea brewed, and Astrid was thankful for the few moments to collect her thoughts.

Finally a mug of steaming tea was placed in front of her which Astrid took with still-cold hands while Valka slid into the chair opposite her.

“So,” the older woman began. “What’s happened?”

Astrid took a sip of the tea. It was too bitter for her liking but the warmth was welcome after a night of flying.

“Hiccup’s an idiot.”

Valka hummed into her tea. “Are we talking typical man brand of idiot, or something more Hiccup-specific?”

Astrid quirked a smile. “Maybe a little of both.” She and Valka shared a look for a moment before Astrid’s smile faded. “I found out he’d been drinking again.” Valka’s mug paused halfway to her lips. “He says it was just the once, and I want to believe him, but I don’t know if I should.”

Valka sighed. “When you told me he’d gone sober I did worry about how he’d do keeping it up. It’s been a problem he’s had for awhile.”

“How long, do you know?”

Valka shrugged, shaking her head. “He was already a heavy drinker when I first found him, and that’s been…I don’t know, three years ago, now? I think it was something he picked up when he was traveling the world. I know he dabbled in a number of foreign methods of intoxication while he was in the east, I suppose we should be thankful he didn’t come home with more addictions than he did.”

“He was doing really well, too,” Astrid mumbled into her tea. “It’s not even the drinking I’m mad about…”

And so she explained, as calmly as she could, and with as little shame evident on her face as she could, the situation in which she found herself. Valka listened quietly, her face betraying concern but little else. No judgment or dismissal.

“I’d say that’s more Hiccup than general male stupidity, to be honest,” she said when Astrid was done. Astrid stared at her near-empty mug. “At a guess I’d say he saw it as a way of punishing the people who did this to you. Although I’ll not discount the explanation of bragging. Hiccup craves validation more than just about anyone I’ve ever met, and you can blame me partially for that, but he’s always looked for it in the wrong places.”

“I just wish he’d said something to me before now. I would have forgiven him if he’d just said something.”

“I can’t give you much more of an answer to that than ‘men are morons’, I’m afraid. Even the good ones.”

Astrid watched Valka over the rim of her mug. “What about Stoick?”

Valka didn’t meet her eye. “What about him?”

“Was he one of the good ones? Back then? Were you two happy, ever?”

The older woman didn’t answer for a long moment, before she quietly said, “Yes. We were very happy. We fought, of course. We disagreed on the dragons, but…we did love each other very much. He liked a challenge and I was definitely that. I always worried the day would come when he would stop enjoying it. One day, surely, he’d grow tired of having a wife who constantly begged him to stop the fighting. I’d given him a son, an heir, but I worried even that would secure my position for only so long. Hiccup would grow and I’d be expected to raise him to be the next great dragon killer, and I knew I could never do that.”

Silence fell between them.

“I saw my sister last night.”

She could feel Valka watching her. “And how was that?” Her voice was impassive.

“It was…I don’t want to miss seeing her grow up.”

“And so?”

Astrid stared at the signature in the wood. “She asked me to take her with me.”

“Are you going to?” There was that same neutral tone, the one that neither judged nor assumed.

“No. This is no life for a child. Spending all her time around dragons, rarely if ever interacting with people, never seeing home again; she’d grow up to be some wild little feral dragon child.”

“So are you going back?”

Astrid shook her head. “I can’t, can I? Not as long as this war is going on. And I can’t leave Hiccup. I mean, I _can_ , he’s an adult, even if he doesn’t always act like one,” she said, rolling her eyes, and catching Valka’s half-smile out of the corner of her eye, “He can take care of himself, but…I’d worry about him, on his own. And it’s not just him.” The mug she held was uneven; it wobbled just slightly on the surface of the table. “The work we’re doing, it’s good work. I’ve done a lot to help him with the raids. We’ve prevented a lot of damage, helped a lot of people, even if they don’t know it.” She finally raised her eyes to a strangely knowing look on Valka’s face. “I can’t just leave it all behind.”

Valka’s lips twisted in a smile, but there was no humor or joy in it. “It’s not an easy choice to make, is it? The ones you love, or the opportunity to do good, and in the process maybe making the world a little safer for them.”

“Do you ever regret the choice you made?”

Valka dropped her gaze. Out of her armor Valka still cut an impressive figure, tall as she was, but here in her threadbare, patched tunic she was thin and feminine and more woman that fierce warrior. There was a certain resilience to her, a quiet strength; a woman’s strength, Astrid thought. The kind she was used to seeing in women who had buried husbands and children and still woke at the crack of dawn every day to care for land and family and village. The sort of strength that came from refusing to bow to the hand fate had dealt. However, for a moment, there was a small sadness that stole over Valka’s face. A hint of the grief and regret that had made her who she was.

“Twenty years on, I don’t let myself ask that question.”

Xx

Astrid could see how someone could spend twenty years here.

It was surprisingly warm in the heart of the ice fortress. A result, Astrid guessed, of the combined body heat of the thousands of dragons who lived in the haven within the mountain’s icy walls. It was peaceful, as well. Even with hundreds of dragons in flight and dozens of hatchlings scampering underfoot there was a distinct feeling of tranquility and safety that permeated the entire sanctuary.

There were species of dragons Astrid had never seen before, even in the farthest reaches of her and Hiccup’s travels, and that wasn’t even mentioning the enormous behemoth of a dragon who rested in the lake below. She could understand Hiccup’s anger that his mother would not bring this creature against the Dragon Queen, for even that huge beast was small next to this goliath. At the same time, though, she could understand Valka’s hesitance. This nest was a rare place of safety for dragons, and Astrid felt her reluctance to jeopardize this hidden asylum or the dragons who took refuge here. The Bewilderbeast was a gentle giant, and Astrid could see how such a creature might not even be willing to challenge another dragon in her nest, even at the behest of someone he appeared to respect so deeply.

“You know, to be honest I expected you had another reason for coming here when I saw you’d arrived.”

Astrid looked up from the baby Nadder who had fallen asleep on her lap. She and Valka sat on a ledge overlooking the Bewilderbeast’s pool, breakfast of a slightly undercooked bread and a slightly overcooked fish spread out between them on a blanket.

“Like what?”

Valka chuckled. “I half expected you’d shown up to tell me you were pregnant.”

There was a beat, a pause, just a moment’s hesitation before Astrid answered, “No.”

Perhaps it was the delay in her answer or the way she’d turned her attention to the slumbering Bewilderbeast below, but Astrid could feel Valka’s scrutiny. She shrugged, a nonchalance that wasn’t entirely genuine to her voice as she added, “I thought I might have been, but I wasn’t.”

She didn’t mention the few days of waiting and throwing worried glances at the Pennyroyal still growing in her little garden and the wondering whether or not she’d ever be able to bring herself to use it, culminating in a couple of days where resignation turned to acceptance turned to something almost like hope, or the strange lump in her throat that formed the day she finally woke up bleeding.

Valka’s penetrating gaze remained for a minute more, but no further questions were asked.

Xx

Astrid _very forcefully_ offered to cook dinner that night.

“It’s getting late,” Valka said, nudging Cloudjumper away from her plate. “It’s a long flight back to your mountain, and you can’t have had the best sleep last night. If you’re planning on going back tonight then at least nap awhile before you go, but you’re also welcome to stay if you’d like. Either just for the night, or longer, if you need.”

Astrid glanced to the corner, where Stormfly was curled up with Rumble and Tumble, both nearly full-grown now, as well as a full-grown Nadder she didn’t recognize who Valka theorized was another reunited offspring. “I think we’ll at least stay the night. Let Stormfly rest her wings for awhile.”

“And give the boy more time to stew?”

Astrid nodded, smiling despite herself. “Give him another night to wonder whether or not I’m ever coming back. Teach him to take me for granted ever again.”

“You don’t have to go back at all, you know.” She met Valka’s eye to find her serious. “He’ll survive without you. And there’s nothing stopping you from continuing to help without him.”

Astrid frowned. “You’re his mother; shouldn’t you be on his side?”

Valka smiled. “I want my son to be happy and cared for.” Her smile softened. “But I want to be able to say the same of the girl he’s with.” Her hand reached across the table and curled around Astrid’s. “I don’t know everything about your relationship, and I hope to see the two of you together and happy, but I want to make sure that you don’t stay with him out of a lack of options if things between you go wrong, especially given where your relationship started. You seem good for him, but I don’t want you to stay if he’s not good for you.”

Astrid started to pull her hand away. “Just because you have your issues with him—“

Valka tightened her grip. “This isn’t about my issues with him, dear,” she said gently. “This is about you, and making sure that you’re in a relationship that makes you feel happy and free.” Valka gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “And if that’s what you two have then I’m all the happier for it. But I know what my son can be like, both the good and the bad. I’m responsible for some of it, after all. Take a married woman’s advice, Astrid: you have to be able to handle each other at your absolute worst. If you can’t, then it’s no good to either of you to stay.”

She stared again at that little H carved into the table. “I can handle him,” she said, looking up at Valka’s concerned face. “I can, really. I kind of want to relieve him of one of his limbs right now, but I love him, and he loves me, and most of the time things are good. Sometimes though, he needs someone to smack some sense into him. This is just one of those times.” She sighed. “And this time he just needs a bigger, harder smack than usual.”

Valka nodded and released her hand. “Well, that is good to hear. I just can’t help but worry. But you’re no pushover, and once Hiccup’s had some time to simmer I’m sure the two of you will patch things up.” She sighed, slumping in her seat. “I just wish _I_ knew how to make things right with him.”

Astrid watched as Valka went back to picking at her dinner. “You could help him, you know. I know you don’t believe things can change, but if you gave it a chance I know he’d give _you_ a chance.”

A significantly more exasperated sigh accompanied Valka’s rolling eyes. “Whatever my beliefs, I’d help him if he ever came up with a plan that wasn’t half stupid and crazy.”

“It’s Hiccup. _Any_ plan he comes up with is going to be at least a little stupid and crazy.”

“Then I’ll wait for the day his plan is only a _little_ stupid and crazy.”

“And until then?”

Valka shrugged. “I keep doing what I’ve been doing.”

Xx

It was strange, sleeping alone, after so long spending her nights curled up next to Hiccup. It took her longer than usual to fall asleep, even as exhausted as she was, and the next morning she awoke confused and disoriented and aching for home.

After the dragon’s feeding time and a breakfast for humans which Astrid had also insisted on making, she thanked Valka for her hospitality, bid farewell to Stormfly’s hatchlings, and set off for their mountain.

It was a long flight, and without having to direct Stormfly’s path she had time to reflect.

She liked Valka. She could see the root of Hiccup and his mother’s issues, but she could understand Valka’s reasoning even if she didn’t always agree with her.

Though she did have a point: Hiccup had never put together a plan that wasn’t more hope than substance.

Astrid sighed and twisted backwards in the saddle to recline against Stormfly’s neck.

_“I half expected you’d shown up to tell me you were pregnant.”_

She wanted a baby. Someday. Not now, certainly. Not when they lived like they did, when their world was at war. Not when her family was a distant memory of happiness marred by betrayal. But someday.

Only how was that someday ever going to happen?

Valka’s life seemed happy, for what it was. She was content with her isolation, with her dragons, with her work saving them. And Astrid knew she was happy with Hiccup and Stormfly and Toothless. It wasn’t what she had imagined for herself but they were as happy as could be hoped for given the situation, but she did wonder. Valka had lived as she did for two decades.

Astrid did not want this to still be her life in twenty years.

A couple of hours into their journey Stormfly became agitated, and at first Astrid thought she needed a break, but when she tried to direct her towards one of the sea stacks in the small collection nearby, Stormfly only ignored her command and started altering her course just slightly to the east. Astrid was confused, until in the distance she saw a vast swatch of fog and mist obscuring a whole section of the ocean.

Helheim’s Gate. They were avoiding the Queen’s Nest.

“It’s alright, girl,” she cooed, stroking Stormfly’s neck and scratching behind her crown of spikes. “It’s okay. You take as long as you need to get around that place. We’re not in any hurry, okay?”

As long as that dragon ruled her nest and commanded her subjects there would be raids. As long as there were raids, Vikings would fight back. As long as the fighting continued, Hiccup would continue to intervene. And as long as Hiccup intervened, she would help him.

This could not go on for another twenty years.

Something had to change.

Xx

It was Toothless’s stirring that woke him first.

He hadn’t been able to sleep in his bed— _their_ bed—and after staying up far too late waiting fruitlessly on Astrid, he’d climbed onto Toothless’s slab and tucked himself under his wing.

Hiccup had known he was making a mistake the moment he’d done it. He’d been stressed and tired and he’d told himself that one night, one drink, one little indulgence after months of doing so well, couldn’t possibly be that bad. And really, he’d never had _that_ serious of a problem to begin with, had he? It wasn’t as if he’d actually ever gotten _drunk_ drunk that often. Severe intoxication was a rare event. Sure, true sobriety was about equally rare, but that wasn’t really the same thing, was it?

So one drink. One little drink. And Astrid? …Astrid was exhausted. Let her sleep.

The next morning he’d awoken with a pounding headache, a blurry memory, and a lot of questions as to what had happened to his once-impressive alcohol tolerance.

When Astrid had asked him what was wrong over breakfast, he’d been too ashamed to tell her the truth.

Months later he’d almost forgotten about the whole thing. If it had been successfully swept under the rug, then there was no point in dragging it out and upsetting Astrid, right?

He should have known better. He knew he should have known better.

Because now Astrid was gone and he didn’t know when or if she was coming back.

Toothless shifted, his wing uncovering Hiccup’s head and letting light shine into his eyes. Hiccup groaned and buried his face against his dragon’s belly. He swatted at the nose that snuffled in his hair.

“Get up.”

Hiccup’s eyes snapped open. He rolled over, forgetting for a moment where he was, and toppled off of Toothless’s bed and onto the floor at Astrid’s feet.

“Astrid!” She stared down at him with her hands on her hips and her mouth set in a frown. Hiccup scrambled to his feet. “Astrid, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I—” He reached for her but Astrid held up a hand.

“I’m still mad at you,” she said, her voice clipped. He opened his mouth to respond but Astrid stopped him. “Uh-uh-uh, save it. You lied to me, you kept secrets from me, you didn’t trust me after all I have done and all I have given up for you. You bragged about having had me and did it under the guise of defending my honor. And then you hid it all from me. So here’s what’s going to happen now.” Hiccup gulped. “First of all, you’re going to throw out any more little caches of alcohol you have hidden around here.”

“I don’t—“

“Well you’re gonna do a little deep-cleaning just to make sure. Especially in that forge of yours. I don’t know how you can find anything as it is, so we’re going to make sure you don’t ‘find’ anything else you’ve ‘forgotten’ about.” Hiccup nodded.

“Fair enough.”

“The next thing you’re gonna do, is you’re gonna find a way to stop the fighting.”

Hiccup blinked. “Bit of a tall order there, Astrid.”

Astrid was undeterred. “If anyone can figure out how to stop the raids and the fighting, it’s you. So that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Soon.”

He frowned. “What, like I haven’t been trying?”

Astrid narrowed her eyes. “You _haven’t_ been trying. Not really. You’ve tried to talk your mom into helping and that’s not likely to happen, but beyond that, what have you tried to do, really?”

“What am I _supposed_ to do?”

“I don’t know, Hiccup, but _something_! Go back to Berk, or talk to Gobber now that he knows who you are! Or start somewhere else, go tell Camicazi you’re still alive, maybe! Something, anything!  Anything other than moping around this mountain and talking about how nice it would be to stop the war once and for all without ever doing anything about it! You’re smart, Hiccup. Too smart to waste away in these caves while you spend all your brainpower on silly pet projects—“

“Hey, my flight suit is not silly!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, strapping some leather to your arms and jumping off your dragon is absolutely _not_ a great way to get yourself killed, right.”

Hiccup threw his hands in the air. “Why are you all of a sudden on this?”

“I want a baby.”

Of all the things Hiccup could have imagined she’d say, _that_ was not one of them.

“You what?”

Astrid straightened her shoulders. “I want a baby,” she repeated. “Not any time soon, but one day. Maybe one day sooner rather than later. And I don’t want to raise that baby here.” Her expression softened. “I want to go home. I want to watch my little sister grow up. I want to find some way to make peace with my family. I want my children to grow up in a world that’s more peaceful than the one I grew up in.” Her eyes narrowed. “But beyond all those selfish reasons I don’t want you to turn into your mother.” Hiccup blinked at her, confused. “I don’t want you to spend the next twenty years holed up here, believing that things can’t change without ever really trying to change them. So you’re going to try.”

Hiccup sighed, pacing away from her and running a hand through sleep-mussed hair. “What exactly am I supposed to do, Astrid?”

“Take some risks. Do some things you don’t want to. Maybe even ditch the mask and try actually talking to some people.”

Hiccup looked over his shoulder. “You say that like this will all be so easy.” Astrid didn’t take her eyes off of him, even as Stormfly came up behind her and picked at her braid. She raised a hand to rub the dragon’s cheek. “Like I’m just supposed to turn on my big brain and suddenly I’ll come up with something.” Astrid’s hand moved to scratch Stormfly’s chin and one of the dragon’s legs kicked at the air like a giant scaly dog. “My skills mostly include building things that half-work and getting dragons to like me. How am I going to—“ The light glinted off the scar on Stormfly’s thigh and Hiccup stopped, staring at it.

“Hiccup?”

He looked at Astrid, a genuine smile unfurling on his lips. “I think…I think I have an idea.”

Xx

“Out you go, Phil, and hurry up, it’s late and I’m tired.”

“Baa-aa-aa-aah!”

Gobber held the door open while the sheep shuffled slowly out and towards the grass.

“A little further, Phil! You can’t be leaving your business in the path where anyone can step in it, now can ye?”

The sheep bleated in reply and Gobber chuckled. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed then a glow coming from inside the forge.

“Heh. I thought I put out the forge fire,” he muttered to himself. “Must not have gotten all the embers or somethin’.” He sighed and propped the door open with a rock for Phil and started limping towards the forge. Sure enough, when he entered there was a low fire burning steadily in the forge. Gobber grumbled to himself as he crossed the room and grabbed the water bucket to extinguish it. It’d been years since a dragon attack had harmed his forge. The last thing he needed was to burn it down out of his own sheer negligence.

“I need your help with something.”

Gobber yelped and spun around, hook over his heart, water sloshing out of the bucket and all over his shirt.

Hiccup was sitting on a barrel in the corner, helmet discarded beside him. He reached beside him and lifted up a second bucket of water. “Need this?”

Gobber glared and took the bucket from his former apprentice. “You couldn’t have found a better way of doing this without scarin’ me half to death? And soakin’ my last clean pair of trousers?”

“If those are your last ‘clean’ pair I’d hate to see the dirty ones.”

“What are you doing here, Hiccup?” Gobber asked, soaking the coals and putting out the flames. There was a _whoosh_ and Hiccup had ignited the blade of his strange sword, illuminating the dark forge.

“I’m going to put an end to this war, once and for all.” He smiled, and for a moment that cold young man looked more like the hopeful boy Gobber remembered. “And you’re going to help me.”


	28. Sins of the Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the LOOONG delay in posting. My personal life has been nonstop chaos, and I have not been particularly good at coping with it. Also, I had something happen on my birthday (August 6) that turned it into the Worst Birthday Ever, and also made writing the subject matter of this particular chapter especially emotionally difficult, such that I just couldn't do it for a very long time. (If you follow me on tumblr and saw me talking about the Worst Birthday Ever, you might see why)
> 
> My life is still chaos, I'm still not dealing very well, and I'm still super busy and trying to hold on for dear life, so I can't promise regular updates. I can promise I will never abandon this story, so even if I end up having to go a while between updates, I promise they will always be coming until this story is complete. On with the show.

“Is it just me, or does it seem like there are more dragons tonight then usual?” Astrid asked, watching the dragons Hiccup had successfully scared off make their way away from the island.

“It’s not just you,” came his reply. “But there haven’t been many raids lately, so she’s probably been building up an appetite. That said, this could be good for us. She gets fed, she’s happy and lazy for awhile; we use that time to put our plan into motion. Just be careful out there.”

Astrid nodded, and then Hiccup and Toothless were winging back into the sky to build up speed for their next attack. Astrid brought her sights back to the village below, on the lookout for fights to break up.

They hadn’t been back to Berk since the night she saw her father and sister. Well, _she_ hadn’t been back to Berk until that night. Hiccup had been back a couple of nights since, working with Gobber in his forge on something he kept insisting was totally part of his plan. Astrid was still not convinced, but Hiccup was more hopeful and enthusiastic than he had been in a long time, and so even if this plan failed, she was glad he was at least trying.

She passed over the village square and spotted Ruffnut, her child strapped to her chest, caught between a burning building and a curious Zippleback. Astrid’s eyes widened. “Down there, girl! Hurry!” They swooped low, spines shooting from Stormfly’s tail to stick in the ground between the dragon and Ruffnut.

“Now!” Astrid had just a moment to wonder at Ruffnut’s cry before she heard the _twang_ and saw the weighted net soaring through the air towards them. There was no time to avoid it. They were too close to the ground and too close to the machine. The net wrapped itself around Stormfly’s body, pinning her wings and legs and tying Astrid to the saddle. They hit the ground, all of Stormfly’s control used to avoid landing on her back, and Astrid tumbled from the tangled ropes and fell to the dirt with an impact she was sure had broken something. There was shouting growing nearer, and as she tried to push herself to her feet arms grabbed her around the waist and the shoulders and yanked her up. She screamed, trying to fight back, trying to reach her knife or her dragon.

She didn’t care to identify the arms that held her, but she didn’t recognize the men who leapt on Stormfly to secure her bonds and hold her jaws closed. “Watch the tail, lads!”

…but she did know that voice. Why did she know that voice?

“Let me go! Stormfly!” Another figure joined the men, one Astrid recognized immediately. Her eyes widened. “Eret?” Eret paused as he approached, pulling a long thin tube from his pocket and putting it to his mouth. Several darts flew from the end of the tube and struck Stormfly’s hide, and seconds later the Nadder went slack, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. “Stormfly!”

Astrid struggled against the arms that held her, but whoever it was held firm. “Astrid!” She turned in time to see her mother before she collided with her, arms thrown around her shoulders and crushing her to her chest.

“Ingrid, let go, this isn’t the time to—“ That was her father’s voice in her ear; it was her father who held her. She tried to shake her mother off and pull from her father’s grasp. Where was Hiccup?

“Let me go! Let me—“

There was a roar and Astrid turned to see Hiccup and Toothless landing in the center of the square, a fearsome sight in the glow of the burning building behind them.

Toothless roared, his wings and hackles raised in warning. 

Stoick stepped forward, drawing his sword. "You failed to keep your end of the bargain, Dragon Master," he said, scowling. "So we'll be taking our sacrifice back now." Toothless roared again, stalking closer, but Stoick held firm. 

"Let me go!" Astrid shouted, struggling against the arms that held her. "I chose to stay with him! Just let me go before someone gets hurt!" 

Toothless took another step forward, and that's when Astrid heard another sharp twang, and out of nowhere came a weighted net that ensnared Toothless and Hiccup both. Astrid screamed as the force knocked man and dragon to the side, Hiccup falling from the saddle as Toothless rolled and further tangled himself in the net. Vikings and trappers alike piled on to the dragon, holding down his head and muzzling him with ropes.   
  
Hiccup sprinted back towards his dragon but Stoick intercepted him and pointed his sword at his chest. "If you want to get the girl back you're going to have to fight for her yourself. Let's see how capable you are without your little pet, eh?"  
  
Hiccup's fists clenched and Astrid knew that behind his mask he was seething. It was enough that they had captured her; for them to harm Toothless as well...  
  
He reached for the sword strapped to his leg, and in a moment it was ignited and swinging towards Stoick. Metal met metal as Stoick easily blocked the blow. With a growl the chief took a swipe at Hiccup, who ducked out of the way and swung again, his sword clanging against the decorative buckle of Stoick's belt. Stoick lunged in retaliation and Hiccup parried with surprising strength.   
  
Astrid held her breath, for a moment too frightened and shocked even to struggle against the arms that held her. She didn't know if Hiccup would truly harm his own father, but she and Toothless were in danger, and if he had no choice...

Hiccup blocked another attack, and Stoick let loose a mighty bellowing yell, his sword lifted high and his ferocity doubled. He swung his sword over and over, blow after blow that Hiccup barely blocked each time. He was being pushed back, towards the side of a row of buildings. The entire village watching in silence, not even bothering to fight the dragons flying away from the village with their livestock, as their chief relentlessly attacked the demon that had plagued their village for so long.   
  
"You! Will! Attack! Us! No! More!" Stoick shouted, each word punctuated with another clang and shower of sparks as his sword met Hiccup's. "Your beasts killed my wife, my son! Well you will NOT. KILL. ME!" Stoick swung hard, landing a hefty blow that tore the sword from Hiccup's hand and sent him staggering and spinning backwards until he hit the side of a building and fell to the ground. 

Astrid distantly heard Gobber's voice as he pushed through to the front of the crowd, the only noise from those gathered.  Everything seemed to slow as she watched Stoick's sword rise in the the air, preparing for the final blow, as Hiccup, on the ground with nowhere to go and no time to move, curled in on himself and sheltered his head with his arms.

"Stoick, wait-"

"HICCUP!" 

Astrid regretted her scream the second the word left her lips, but it had stayed Stoick's sword, and for the moment that was all that mattered. She clapped a hand over her mouth, her wide eyes taking in the stunned, baffled expression on Stoick's face. The silence grew impossibly quieter before it slowly began to dissolve into soft whispers.

"What did she say?"

"Did she say what I thought she did?"

"She can't mean..."

In the confusion those restraining Toothless had slackened their hold, and with a muted roar the dragon slung them away and tore the ropes from his jaw with his talons.  He roared again and tackled Stoick, pinning him beneath his claws. There were screams from the crowd but above them another voice rang out: "TOOTHLESS, STOP!"  
  
Hiccup was on his feet, hand extended towards his dragon, and with a rueful bay Toothless backed away from Stoick and returned to Hiccup's side. No one in the crowd moved. Stoick was still staring at the Dragon Master as he climbed to his feet, eyes impossibly wide. His lips formed the soundless shape of his son's name.  
  
The masked face turned Astrid's direction, and she gave him a sheepish look and mouthed 'sorry'.   
  
He faced his father, and then, hesitantly, slowly, he bowed his head and lifted his hands to remove his helmet.   
  
A collective gasp went up from the crowd.   
  
"Please tell me you've tapped that."

Astrid shot Ruffnut a glare, and noticed for the first time that she held only a bundle of stained blankets in her arms. It had been a trick all along. Her baby had never been in danger. The whole thing had been a trap. Astrid returned her attention to Hiccup. He was watching his father with a carefully controlled expression.  
  
"Hello Dad."  
  
Stoick released a shuddering breath. "Hiccup?" He swallowed. "You're alive." He looked at Toothless, prowling behind his master, then back to Hiccup. "You're...you're the...the..." He took  a step forward.  
  
"The Dragon Master?" Hiccup supplied, irritation bleeding into his expression, and Stoick halted.  Hiccup packed his helmet into Toothless’s saddle bag, eyes pointedly avoiding his father. "Took you long enough to figure it out. Honestly, I'm kind of surprised no one ever did. I mean, kid disappears after fight with Night Fury, a couple years later a mysterious stranger shows up riding a Night Fury...it's not that hard of a connection to make."  
  
Stoick continued to stare. "But you...and that dragon...you…you've been alive all this time."  
  
"Of course. Toothless would never have hurt me. I was never in any danger at all." Hiccup nonchalantly strolled to his fallen sword and picked it up, inspecting it briefly before pointing it at Astrid. "Let her go."  
  
Stoick blinked and seemed to shake himself out of his stupor. He frowned and glanced at Astrid, who for the moment had stopped trying to pry herself away from her father. "We're taking back our sacrifice. You--he---you didn't hold up your end of the bargain. He--you..." He shook his head, confused frown pouting his lips. "We-we're not giving her back."  
  
Hiccup's irritation solidified into a glare. "Yeah, see, you dressed an innocent girl up as a bride and gave her up to be raped and murdered to save your own cowardly skins. It's a little bit late for regret. The return policy has expired." His mouth twisted into a cruel smile. "And I can't exactly say I'd be returning her in like-new condition." 

_I'm going to kill him_ , Astrid thought, as Hiccup shot her a glance. An acknowledgement, if not necessarily an apology.

Stoick was shaking his head, his brow furrowed. "Who are you?" He asked. "Talking like this, cavorting with dragons, attacking your own village, this…this isn't the Hiccup I knew."   
  
Hiccup scoffed. "The Hiccup you knew? You _didn’t_ know me. And you didn't care to. I wasn't who you wanted me to be, so you stopped trying to understand me. Just like you never bothered to try to understand the dragons."  
  
Stoick was cultivating a glare of his own now. "Understand the dragons? The creatures that have been attacking my home since before I was born? The monsters that took my wife, your mother? The beasts I thought had taken my only son? You want me to try to _understand_ those murderous beasts?"  
  
"Yes!" Hiccup shouted. "Because they're _not_ murderous beasts!" He clenched his fists and his jaw in an attempt to reign in his temper. "They are nothing like what you think they are. They are gentle, kind, even friendly. Toothless is the best friend I've ever had. After I shot him down he could have killed me. If he was the monster you think he is he would have. But I spared his life and he spared mine. For five years he and I have traveled together, lived together, taken care of each other." Hiccup's anger was slowly fading, replaced by the kind of passionate determination and pleading look Astrid had always known was the key to ending the war. She felt hope rise in her throat listening to him. He pointed to Stormfly, still subdued by Eret's men. "That Nadder treats Astrid like she was one of her own hatchings, even after the cruelty shown to her in Berk's very own arena." He took a deep breath and a small step forward. "They aren't what you think, Dad," he said, his voice the softest it had been since he had first removed his helmet. "This, the raids, the fighting, it isn't them. They raid us because they have to, and they fight back in self defense, that's all. If you would just stop the fighting, if you would just try to find another way to--"  
  
"Enough," Stoick said gruffly.   
  
"But--"  
  
"ENOUGH," Stoick repeated. "I have heard enough of this nonsen--"  
  
"No!" Hiccup shouted, his voice cutting through Stoick's firm command in a way no one else on Berk would ever have dared attempt. "I am DONE letting you silence me! I am DONE letting you talk over me! For ONCE in your Thordamned life you are going to LISTEN to what I have to say!"   


Astrid held her breath, along with the rest of the village, as they all looked from abashed father to enraged son. 

"My whole life you have ignored and dismissed everything I have ever tried to say to you! I was NEVER good enough!"  
  
"You were good enough," Stoick tried to interject, his voice strangely quiet.   
  
"No I wasn't!" Hiccup laughed humorlessly. "The only time I was ever close to the son you wanted was when you thought I was some dragon fighting prodigy. If I had told you the truth would you have listened?"  
  
There was an awkward pause while Stoick's mouth hung open, wordless and useless. Hiccup’s eyebrows rose. "Oh _now_ you have nothing to say?" He shook his head. "And you really have to ask why I left?" He scowled at his father. "I spent all my life being this village's resident fuck-up, with you and everyone else making sure I knew it. And then I found Toothless. The best friend I ever had. The first friend, the ONLY friend I ever had. And if I had kept doing things your way I would have had to kill a dragon. After everything I had learned about them. I couldn't stay in this place of ignorance and violence anymore. Where I was supposed to ‘walk like you, talk like you, _think_ like you.’ I didn’t want to think like you. I didn’t want to be anything like you, like any of you. Your way of thinking would have had me kill an innocent creature. Your way of thinking would have me kill the best friend I have ever had!"  
  
A shadow passed over Stoick's face and he shook his head slowly. "This is madness. You may have tamed one beast but dragons are not—not _gentle_. Say what you will about _my_ way of thinking, but it's _your_ way of thinking that got your mother killed!"  
  
"It's _your_ way of thinking that got my mother killed!" Hiccup burst, and Astrid flinched. She didn't know why Hiccup continued to let his father believe that Valka was dead; cultivating guilt, she supposed. There was a look of indignation spreading across Stoick’s face. There was too much anger here, Astrid thought. Too much pent up pain and hurt and regret, all spilling out at last in the form of raw, untempered fury. Father and son could not see each other as such; a battlefield 300 years wide stretched between them. "If you didn't insist on fighting, on attacking the dragons that raid us only for survival--"

"Survival?!" Stoick countered, his voice booming through the night. "What about _our_ survival?! Have you chosen them over us? Whose side are you on?"  
  
"I'm not on anyone's 'side'! I'm on _my_ side! I'm on the side that gave me freedom! That released me from the scorn of this horrible village and gave me my best friend! Hel, I don't believe there even have to _be_ sides!"  
  
"You let us all think you were dead for years! You subjected me to all that pain, all that grief, all that guilt! You let me _mourn_ you--”

“You didn’t mourn _me_ , Dad,” Hiccup said, rolling his eyes. “You mourned Hiccup the Dragon Training champion, maybe. Hiccup the son you always wanted.” He scowled. “You didn’t know enough about _me_ to mourn. I had to hide everything I really was, lock it all up, pretend I was the perfect Viking, the perfect heir, the perfect dragon-fighting warrior. Be a little less, all, _this_.” He gestured to his whole body, his voice dripping acid. “Well, _this_ ,” again the exaggerated sweep of his arms, “Is me.” He gestured to Toothless. “ _This_ is me.”

Stoick shook his head, nostrils flaring and lips curling. “No, this, this is not the boy I raised. I may have put unfair pressure on you, but I raised you better than to abandon us, let us think you’d _died_ , just so you could lead dragon attacks against your own people!"   
  
"I don't lead the attacks! I don't understand how that ever even made sense to you; the dragons have been raiding for hundreds of years and I've only been showing up for three. All I do is try to temper the fighting; keep dragons and Vikings from slaughtering each other!"  
  
"You've betrayed this village!"  
  
"I PROTECT this village!" Hiccup's voice rang out, loud and nearly cracking. His outburst was followed by a strange silence. Hiccup stared at his father, at his people, panting slightly. He swallowed and straightened, his hands balled into fists at his sides. He regarded his father with a hard set to his brow.   
  
"How many dragons have died here in the last three years?"  
  
Momentary confusion interrupted Stoick's anger. "What?"  
  
"How many?" Hiccup repeated, his voice calm. "How many dragons have been killed during raids on Berk since I started showing up?"  
  
After a moment Stoick replied with a scowl, "None. You've made sure of that."  
  
Hiccup nodded. His head tipped back, just slightly. "How many people have died in the last three years?"  
  
He was answered with silence. "Well?" Hiccup prompted. "How many people have died? Since I started interfering in raids, how many casualties have there been? How many deaths? How many life-threatening injuries? How many lost limbs? Come on, it's not that hard of a question; how many people have died?"  
  
Finally Stoick's soft answer: "None."  
  
Hiccup nodded again. "Exactly. You may call me a traitor but I've done more to protect this village from its own self-assured destruction in the last few years than you ever did. And I've protected every other village in the archipelago as well, as best I could. I couldn't always prevent death and destruction, but I did everything I could. Astrid and I both did. Aren't you the one who told me that a chief protects his own?"  
  
Stoick had not yet been able to meet his son's eye. "Not by throwing in your lot with our enemy."  
  
"Oh, but something as cowardly and superstitious as virgin sacrifice is so much better?!"  
  
"Sacrificing one of our own for the greater good of our people is not the same as turning your back on your own kind."  
  
Hiccup's breath left him in a shuddering exhale. "Can you not hear me?" He asked, his voice small and strained. "Does anything I say to you even penetrate that thick skull of yours? Even now, even after all this time, and everything that's happened, are you just incapable of listening to me? Is it just impossible for you to put aside all your prejudice for long enough to just _listen_ to your son?"  
  
Stoick's eyes rose to Hiccup's face. Even in the firelight Astrid thought they seemed colder than she had ever seen them. "You're no son of mine," he said, his voice low and hollow, like it took all the air in his lungs to give those words life. He shook his head. "I don't know who you are. I don't know who or what you've turned into, what that dragon has turned you into, but you are not my son."  
  
Astrid wasn't sure if it was Stoick's words or the pain in her ribs, but she felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. Hiccup's eyes widened for just a moment before they narrowed and his whole expression hardened. He leaned forward just slightly and hissed, "Who says I still wanted to be?"  
  
The question, a harsher declaration than even Stoick's disownment, had its intended effect. Stoick's eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open, and then he was scowling. "Get out!" He growled. "Get off this island! You are no longer welcome here!"   
  
Hiccup didn't react except to point a finger at Astrid, who suddenly realized that her parents had completely released their grip on her. "Not without her."  
  
"We're not giving her back!" Astrid's mother shrieked, grabbing Astrid's arm. Astrid tried to pull away.   
  
"Let me go; I'd rather be with him!"  
  
"She's ours, and she's staying here."  
  
"If she was so precious to you then you shouldn't have given her up," Hiccup said. "And I'm not leaving without her, so you can either _give_ me back my bride or I'll _take_ her back." Behind him Toothless growled in warning.   
  
"Fine." Before Astrid had time to register what was happening, Stoick was marching towards her and grabbing her roughly by the arm. She was jerked from her mother's grasp, who screamed. Stoick ignored her parents' protests. Astrid tripped over her own feet trying to keep us with Stoick's long strides as he dragged her over to Hiccup and threw her to the ground at his feet. She hit the ground hard, enough to jar her already injured ribs and she groaned in pain. "Take your whore and leave this place."  
  
Gentle hands found her waist and arm and Hiccup carefully helped her to her feet. When she faced him she saw how completely his expression had changed. He was staring at her with concern and worry, his eyebrows drawn together. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" He pushed her bangs out of her eyes and ran a tender hand over the side of her face and down her neck.   
  
"I think I cracked a rib, but I'll be okay," she told him. He breathed a sigh of relief and kissed her. It was brief but sweet and took her by surprise. When he drew away he kissed her cheek and then her temple before his gaze shifted to the village and his glare returned.   
  
"Her dragon too."

"Absolutely not."   
  
Hiccup's arms wound around her and drew her close. She wasn't sure she liked this possessive, protective side of him. "This is the only time I'm going to ask nicely. If we have to come back for her, I'm going to be far less forgiving."  
  
"And if I see either of you, or that beast of yours, on my island again, I'll not hesitate to shoot you out of the skies." Astrid heard a whimper, and looked to the crowd, where her father had his hands on her mother's shoulders. Her mother had her hands clapped over her mouth, tears gathering in her eyes. "I'll let you leave this time because of who you are to me. But from this day on you are an enemy of Berk and will be treated as one."  
  
"I keep telling you I'm not your enemy! I've been trying to protect this village!"  
  
Astrid could barely stand to see the cold, cruel look in Stoick's eyes. It was all wrong; this whole thing had gone so terribly wrong. "We don't need _your_ kind of 'protection'."   
  
Hiccup's arms tightened on her waist and Astrid looked at him. His voice was too calm, too low, too cold when he replied, "Then see how well you do without me."   
  
He turned to Toothless, pulling Astrid with him. She resisted, throwing a glance over her shoulder. "But Stormfly--"  
  
"We'll get her later," Hiccup whispered.  
  
He tried to help her up into the saddle but she pushed against his arms. "But Hiccup--"  
  
He spun her around to face him. "I know," he said, and Astrid saw the brewing storm behind his eyes. "Okay, I know, and I promise we'll come back for her, but now isn't the time and she's probably too heavily sedated to fly anyway."  
  
Then Hiccup was lifting her into the saddle and climbing on behind her.  
  
Loose strands of hair whipped across her face as she turned to look at her village.   
  
This was so similar and yet so different from the night of her sacrifice. Again she found herself on the saddle of this dragon with Hiccup before her entire village. Just like before Stoick watched her with a cruel expression, while her tearful parents watched on. Just like before, no one stepped forward to stop them.   
  
Just like before, she was afraid.

She felt no fear for her own life; the warmth at her back was comforting instead of frightening. But she was afraid for Stormfly, for Hiccup and Stoick and the fate of this whole village. For the fate of dragons and Vikings everywhere.  
  
Her heart broke for Hiccup, for the pain on Stoick's face hiding behind the anger.

Toothless’s wings rose, and she watched Stoick’s expression fall, his foot jerking forward in a hesitant step, and then they were taking off.

She had every intention of talking to Hiccup once they had leveled off and slowed their flight high in the skies, but Hiccup showed no sign of slowing. They picked up speed as they burst above the clouds, Hiccup leaning forwards and pushing her low to the saddle as he narrowed the tailfin to urge Toothless faster.

Normally Astrid liked riding with him on Toothless when they showed off their speed, but tonight it worried her. She could hear Hiccup’s labored breathing in her ear, but at this speed she couldn’t turn her head to properly look at him. The wind stung her eyes and cheeks; she was used to riding behind Hiccup when they flew this fast and the angle hurt her back and her already sensitive ribs.

The tail shifted and they slowed to a glide. Hiccup straightened and she heard him shifting in the saddle. “Hold on tight, Astrid. Don’t drop her, bud.”

“Hiccup, what—“ She turned in time to see Hiccup sliding off the saddle. She had a moment of wide-eyed terror before Toothless was twisting into a dive and she had to flatten herself to the saddle and wrap her arms around Toothless’s neck.

They caught up with Hiccup, plummeting head-first towards the ocean below. They fell through the night sky, the three of them, side by side.

Astrid had her cheek pressed to the saddle, holding on for dear life. She watched Hiccup, his eyes closed and head thrown back, soft lines between his eyebrows. She couldn’t say how long they fell. She’d never liked falling, and it felt like hours and it felt like no time at all before Hiccup opened his eyes and Toothless turned his back for Hiccup to pull himself back into the saddle.

They pulled out of the dive and resumed their breakneck speed, leaving Astrid no opportunity to ask Hiccup what the hel he was thinking.

They arrived at their mountain much sooner than usual, and at last Toothless touched down on the stone floor of their bedroom and Astrid felt like she could breathe again. Behind her, Hiccup’s panting was growing louder, sharper. He nearly fell out of the saddle and stumbled to his knees on the floor.

Astrid slid off the saddle slowly, careful not to jar her injured ribs, and watched as Hiccup tore haphazardly at the straps and buckles of his armor. His shoulders and chest were heaving. Astrid took slow steps as she approached him, her heart in her throat. Behind her, Toothless cooed mournfully.

Hiccup finally managed to rip off his shoulder and arm guards and threw them away, and tore open his chest piece before bracing his hands on the stone floor. Astrid stepped around him and peered down at his face.

He was shaking; sharp, shuddering breaths sucked in and out through trembling lips. His eyes were fixed on the floor but seemed to look right through it.

She knew that look. She’d _lived_ that look. This was the face of someone whose entire world had been ripped out from under their feet, whose worst fears had come to pass.

She lowered herself to her knees and took Hiccup’s face in her hands. He swallowed hard.

“It’s funny,” he said, his voice quiet and broken. “You spend years knowing something might as well be true, but it still hurts so much hearing it said out loud.”

 Astrid pulled his face forwards and he buried it against her chest. His arms rose and wrapped tight around her waist. Her ribs protested, but she bit back the pain as she and Hiccup pulled each other close. Toothless padded over and curled himself around them both, a low, sympathetic rumble in his throat.

Hiccup was too stubborn to cry, but Astrid held him as dry, soundless sobs shook his thin frame. She didn’t know what to say to comfort him, or even if such words existed. If they did, she did not know how to find them tonight. It was the first time in a long time that she had felt this close to hopeless, and she knew that for Hiccup, at this moment, hope must seem a far-off impossible thing.

In the morning, she would find the words to comfort him. She would find the way to show him all was not lost, that they could try again, perhaps when emotions were not running so high and anger could not derail the entire conversation.

For tonight, all she could do was hold him, and remind him that he was not alone.

Finally she coaxed Hiccup out of his armor and into bed, where they cuddled close together, with Toothless curled on the bed around them, a great comforting warmth against the pain.

She knew how he felt; no one ever mentioned how impossible it is to burn bridges without setting oneself aflame.

Xx

It was another night where no one in the village would be sleeping.

The chief was no exception.

There was no fire in the hearth, no source of light or heat in the house beyond the tiny candle sitting on the desk, but Stoick did not feel the cold.  He sat on the edge of the little bed, tired eyes taking in the dust-covered room. He hadn’t had the heart to move a single trinket in the five years since this room had been used.  Part of him had held onto some foolish, impossible hope that one day Hiccup would be back, and he would be terribly upset if he’d found his father had been going through his things.

Not such an impossible hope, as it turned out.

There was a creak from the floor below as the door opened and closed. Stoick didn’t have to wonder who it was. There was only one person in the village brave or foolish enough to seek him out tonight. He stared at a blueprint on the wall, some daft machine or another sketched out in charcoal and surrounded by numbers and notes, as the alternating thud and clunk of foot and wood grew louder with each stair ascended.  He didn’t look up as the thuds grew closer, or when the weight of the bed dipped beside him.

“Did you know?” Stoick asked softly. Gobber sighed.

“Only for the last few weeks.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Gobber sighed again. “How could I? How do you even _tell_ somethin’ like that?”

Silence fell between them. After a long moment Gobber cleared his throat. “Look, Stoick, I know tonight didn’t exactly, eh, didn’t exactly go well, but, ehm,” he coughed and sighed. “Stoick, you really should _try_ to listen to him. He’s still your son.”

“No,” Stoick said, shaking his head. “Gobber, that man…the way he spoke to me, the way he _looked_ at me—“ his voice broke and he paused, swallowing through the lump in his throat. “That’s not my son, Gobber. That’s not my Hiccup. Whoever that man is, whoever he’s become…he’s not my boy. That boy is gone.”

He looked around the room, dim in the soft light of the candle and blurry through the tears that burned as they filled his eyes. He should have seen the signs. He should have seen this coming. He should have stopped it before it all went so very far.

_“Then see how well you do without me!”_

For years those words had haunted his nightmares. Now they would again, but for a whole new reason.

Tears spilled down into his beard as Stoick looked around the room, as he took in the sight of the helmet on the floor beside the bed, the axe leaning against the wall, the blueprints scattered across the desk, relics of a child long gone.

“Stoick, put the rest aside, your son is _alive_ —“

“The Dragon Master is alive,” he interrupted, closing his eyes against this room, against the reminders of his clumsy, awkward, wonderful child. “But Hiccup…Hiccup is dead.”


	29. Sun Won't Make This Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things that have happened since I last updated: my apartment tried to evict me and I've been embroiled in a legal battle with them since November; my grandfather who I was very very close to died, I had to move with basically nowhere to go and have been renting a single room from a friend of a friend since, I nearly lost my business and have been working my ass off to keep it open, my mental health has been a roller coaster.
> 
> It's been a rough few months, basically.
> 
> One more time, for those in the back: I'M NOT ABANDONING THIS FIC. EVER. SO EVEN IF IT IS SIX MONTHS FROM NOW AND I STILL HAVEN'T UPDATED DON'T GIVE UP ON IT, BECAUSE I STILL WON'T HAVE ABANDONED IT. A big thank you to everyone who has sent me lovely messages telling me that my mental health and dealing with my personal life is more important than updating this fic. And to everyone who has sent me messages asking when I'm going to update or (in one particularly frustrating and insulting case) asking me to just let someone else write it if I'm not going to finish (seriously, DO NOT EVER DO THAT), PLEASE DON'T. It just stresses me out, okay? A day in which I got a message from someone asking when I was going to update or asking if I had abandoned the fic (as if I haven't said a million times that I won't) was a day in which no writing ended up happening, because those kinds of messages made me too anxious to write.
> 
> This story has become more popular than I ever imagined, and I don't have words for how thankful I am for so many readers, but I am just one person with a lot happening in my life, and this story is my baby and I want to put forward only the best work I can. But that takes time, and I don't always have much of it, and motivation, which depression likes to deprive me of. I don't know when the next update will be. It will probably be a while. Hopefully not, but I can give no guarantees right now.
> 
> This chapter still wasn't quite what I wanted it to be, but it is done and it's proof I'm still alive and writing. So here you go. Chapter title from "It Ends Tonight" by All-American Rejects, because ten years later that song is still amazing.

The room was nearly silent, disturbed by only the crackling of the fire in the hearth and the occasional squeak or coo from the baby in Snotlout’s arms.

“It kinda makes sense when you think about it,” Fishlegs finally said, staring at the floor and toeing at a loose board.

“How does _any_ of this mess make sense?” Tuffnut asked, turning a dry stare Fishlegs’ way. “Hiccup is alive, he’s king of the dragons, and apparently he’s banging Astrid.”

“We don’t know that he’s banging Astrid,” Snotlout said, his nose wrinkled.

Ruffnut scoffed. “Uh, did you _see_ Hiccup? Like, without even getting _started_ on the fact that that scrawny little twerp ended up as Hottie Von Greatbutt, Astrid is definitely banging him. For the sake of womankind everywhere, she had _better_ be banging him.” Snotlout shot her a glare. “What? Just because I’ve got my meal doesn’t mean I can’t still look at the menu.”

“Just as long as you don’t order,” Snotlout muttered, and Ruffnut threw him a glare but put a hand on his arm and squeezed affectionately.

“And I mean, we all know what Hiccup meant about not returning her in ‘like-new condition’.” Tuffnut said, and he was echoed by a chorus of nods and hums.

Except for Fishlegs, who frowned at the floor for a moment before finally asking, “Which, uh…is what, exactly?”

The twins both groaned and Snotlout shook his head. “Seriously, Fishface? She’s not in like-new condition? As in she’s not in the same condition she was when he got her? As in she’s not a virgin anymore?” His lips twisted. “Or at least that’s what he’s insinuating.”

“Yeah, even I caught that,” Tuffnut said as Fishlegs turned red and glared at the other two men.

“Well excuse me for not being as vulgar and dirty-minded as you two.”

“We don’t know that he’s telling the truth though, I mean he could just be lying,” Snotlout said, bouncing the baby in his arms.

“It’s not like Astrid’s denied it,” Ruffnut countered, relieving Snotlout of their squirming baby. “And did you see the way Hiccup kissed her? I’d bet little Grufflout here that they’re bumping uglies.” She smiled down at her baby. “I’m just kidding, I wouldn’t actually gamble with you. You were born during a freaking thunderstorm, I’m not sure you’re that lucky.”

Fishlegs huffed. “Well _anyway_ , whatever the nature of their relationship, it kinda makes sense that Astrid is with him.”

“Because he’s Von Hotbutt?” Tuffnut interjected.

“Hottie Von Greatbutt.”

“Please stop calling my cousin that.”

“Can I call him that if I start calling you Bufflout Jorgen- _damn, son_.”

“I’ll consider it.”

“Because he didn’t dress her up as a bride and offer her up as a virgin sacrifice.”

The room fell silent and the mood shifted as they were all reminded of the seriousness of the situation.

“I hate to say it, but I called it,” Tuffnut said after a moment. “I said it months ago; we betrayed her first. If Hiccup was nicer to her than we were then it’s no wonder she picked him over us.” He sighed. “And like, it’s _Hiccup,_ so of course she’s gonna trust him, I guess. But, like, _Hiccup_? How is the Dragon Master Hiccup?”

“It totally makes sense, though,” Fishlegs insisted. “That’s what I was trying to say earlier.”

“And we’re still saying it _doesn’t_ make any sense,” Snotlout cut in. “Hiccup was the top of the class in Dragon Training. All he ever wanted was to kill a dragon.”

“Except Hiccup was always _terrible_ when it came to fighting dragons. He did more damage during the raids than the dragons did!”

“So, he got good in Dragon Training. That’s kind of the point of Dragon Training.”

“I’m not saying he didn’t get good. He got really good,” Fishlegs countered, frowning. “Really good, really fast. But hear me out, okay? Think back, do you remember seeing Hiccup ever actually _fighting_ the dragons?” Fishlegs watched the dismissive expressions on his friends’ faces melt into consideration. “Because I keep going over it in my head, and I remember seeing Astrid doing back flips and swinging her axe all over the place, but I don’t remember Hiccup ever really lifting a weapon. He was always outsmarting them, or intimidating them. I mean, I think about that day he forced that Zippleback into its pen, and I think about how the Dragon Master directs his dragons, and like, I can see it, you know?”

Snotlout’s brows were furrowed. “When was it he said he shot down a Night Fury, was that before or after we started Dragon Training?”

“Before,” Ruffnut said. “That was the last raid before he went missing. He said he shot down a Night Fury and we all made fun of him.”

“Exactly,” Fishlegs said. “He must have found that Night Fury and started training it right around the time we started Dragon Training. I don’t know how he did it, but he must have learned enough about dragons from that Night Fury to make himself look good in Training.”

“And he did,” Snotlout said, collapsing into a seat beside Ruffnut. “He made himself look really good. Everyone thought he was so cool, us included, and Stoick was so proud of him.” He frowned.  “So why’d he leave? Why’d he take off and turn into, well, that!”

“He won Training; he would’ve had to kill the Monstrous Nightmare. I guess after befriending big black and nasty he didn’t want to do that anymore,” Tuffnut said, shrugging.

Fishlegs nodded. “And he left after Astrid found him in the woods. Maybe he was already planning to leave, or maybe he just took off after he’d been found out. He may not even have planned to fake his death until she showed up.”

“So he befriends a dragon, he makes himself look like the best dragon fighter ever, and then he fakes his death, leaves, and  then comes back to wreak havoc as the Dragon Master.” Snotlout shook his head. “I’m sorry, but how the hel does any of this even _happen_? I mean, this is Hiccup we’re talking about! This whole stupid thing just…it just isn’t like him!” His voice had risen as he’d gone on, and Ruffnut shushed him, nodding at the baby finally asleep in her arms. He winced and his volume had lowered when he continued, “And did you guys _hear_ him tonight? I mean, Hiccup was always a sarcastic little shit, but he wasn’t that, that--”

“Cynical? Bitter? Misanthropic? Scornful?” Tuffnut offered. The others stared and Tuffnut shrugged. “When you get insulted as often as I do, you gotta learn some words to fight back with.”

Snotlout rolled his eyes. “Yeah, those’ll do. The way he was tonight, all that anger…that’s just not like Hiccup.”

“How do we know it isn’t like him, though?” Fishlegs continued, leaning forward in his seat. “How well did any of us even _know_ Hiccup?”

“Not very well,” Ruffnut admitted as she stood and walked to the adjoining bedroom. She disappeared inside for a moment and returned without the baby. She wore a guilty expression as she retook her seat between her husband and her brother. “We spent more time making fun of him than anything else.”

“You guys were never very nice to him.”

“You weren’t either.”

Fishlegs mirrored the glare Snotlout threw his way. “I may not have been his best friend, but I was never as cruel to him as you were, Snotlout. None of us were really nice to him, but you were worst of all.” His gaze dropped to his feet. “I know you know it; I know we all do. We lamented it back when we thought he’d died. We were never nice to him, we never gave him a chance, and the closest we ever came to being kind was when we were ignoring him. None of us cared until he got good at Dragon Training.”

“Starting to sound like it’s no wonder Hiccup turned on us too,” Tuffnut said, picking at the end of one of his dreadlocks.

Silence fell between them once more.

“Hiccup doesn’t think he’s turned on us,” Ruffnut said quietly after a long moment, and everyone turned to look at her. She stared at her hands. “He said he was trying to protect us from the dragons. And the dragons from us. And…he kinda has.” She looked up. “He’s right. No one has died here since he started showing up. We haven’t killed or captured any dragons either. And he and Astrid have never really _attacked_ anybody. They go for traps, for catapults. And, and there was that time I was too slow getting out of the house before a raid, and that Monstrous Nightmare was coming towards me and Grufflout? He stopped Stoick and Spitelout from attacking it, but…he didn’t let it come near me again either.”

Tuffnut’s face screwed in concentration. “Hiccup said the dragons aren’t really dangerous. He said that Night Fury is his best friend. He said they raid us because they have to and they fight because we fight them.” He looked at Fishlegs. “You’re the dragon expert; do you think he’s right?”

Fishlegs hummed in thought. “I…I don’t know. It might be that Hiccup just…has a way with dragons. But also, in theory, most wild animals can be trained.”

“When that dragon was coming up on me and Grufflout, and tonight, when the other one was because it smelled him on those dirty blankets,” Ruffnut said thoughtfully, “The way they looked at me wasn’t like dragons usually do. Both times, they kinda, lowered their heads and tails; they didn’t have their hackles raised, and their pupils got all big. It looked kinda…relaxed? I guess? I don’t know, it looked more curious than hungry or angry.”

“Maybe it had never encountered a human baby before,” Fishlegs suggested. “If you say it seemed relaxed and curious, maybe…I don’t know, maybe it didn’t see the baby as a threat. We know it was curious, that’s why Stoick suggested using the pile of blankets as bait, but we thought that was because it wanted to like, eat your baby or something. But maybe it was just curious and really didn’t intend to hurt either of you. I don’t know, maybe they really aren’t always as dangerous as we think they are.” He sighed and scratched his cheek. “And what does Hiccup mean that they _have_ to raid us? This all requires more research.” He stood up, wobbled, and reached out a hand to steady himself on his chair. He yawned. “Maybe not tonight, though. Tomorrow I’ll see what I can find out.”

Tuffnut echoed his yawn. “Yeah, I think it’s probably time for us all to at least try to get some sleep. I mean, I’m probably not going to, but I’ll go pretend I will anyway. Night, sis.” He kissed Ruffnut’s cheek and everyone said their goodbyes.

Ruffnut closed the door behind Fishlegs and her brother and made her way to the bedroom door. She paused, glancing back to where Snotlout was still sitting and staring at the fire with worry lining his forehead.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Other than everything?”

She came over and sat down beside him. “Besides everything.”

Snotlout’s lips tightened into a thin line. “Hiccup’s alive.”

“Yeah?”

“Hiccup is Stoick’s son. He’s Stoick’s heir.”

Ruffnut frowned. “Well, he’s not anymore. You are.”

Snotlout shook his head. “I’m only heir because we all thought Hiccup was dead. But he’s not.”

“Okay, Hiccup’s alive, but we also pretty much watched Stoick disown him tonight, and from the way he was acting, I don’t think Hiccup really wants the job.”

“But what if he does?” Snotlout pressed, turning big worried eyes on his wife. “What if he comes back and, I don’t know, uses his dragons to take over, or even, what if he and Stoick somehow work it out, and this mess all gets cleared up again? Hiccup has been gone for five years, and they’ve been training me for the chiefdom, but it everything got worked out, if Hiccup came back…who would be first in line? Hiccup’s got the truer claim.”

Ruffnut shook her head. “I…I don’t know. But…even if everything did get worked out somehow I’m sure they’d give the job to you, Snot.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Ruffnut stared at him. “You don’t want to be chief? Still?”

Snotlout seemed to sink into his chair. “I thought it would get easier the more I learned about the job, but the more I learn and the more responsibilities Stoick gives me, the less I feel like I can do it. I could maybe hold down the fort for a couple weeks if Stoick was off on a diplomatic trip or something, but I don’t think I could actually _rule_ the village full-time. I just don’t think I’m cut out for that.”

Ruffnut let this process for a few moments. She reached for Snotlout’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “And you think Hiccup is?”

Snotlout turned his gaze to the fire. “Stoick is always saying that a chief protects his own, even if the decisions he has to make to do so sometimes make him unpopular.” He looked at Ruffnut, frowning. “Isn’t that basically what Hiccup is doing?”

X

Hiccup and Toothless were nowhere to be seen, and judging from the cool blankets on the other side of the bed, they had been gone a while. Astrid groaned as she pushed herself into a sitting position, her ribs protesting at the pressure. She swept her bangs out of her eyes and surveyed the room. The fire was still burning strong, so Hiccup had clearly built up the wood before going wherever he'd gone.

As much as she wanted to lay down and go back to sleep, Astrid couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. This was no time for Hiccup to be on his own. She climbed to her feet and crossed the room to Hiccup's desk, frowning. The drawers were open, as were his trunks, and the contents of both were strewn across the floor and desk top.

Astrid wondered at the mess, and had just turned to search the caves to find him when tripped over the empty flask.  
  
She looked for him in the forge and the kitchen, and then down in the hot springs, though she already knew she wouldn't find him. All she found instead were half-opened drawers and emptied trunks, the results of a fruitless search for a forgotten flask of mead. She wanted to be angry, because really, how could he? But all she felt instead was the dull ache of disappointment. He hadn't woken her. And what was worse, she wasn't even surprised. Given what had happened last night, she almost couldn't blame him. But he still hadn't woken her, and that hurt.

She lay back down but did not go back to sleep.

X

She was still awake and waiting a couple hours later when Hiccup and Toothless returned, making a clumsy landing on the stone floor. Hiccup nearly fell off his dragon, and the Night Fury growled and barked his annoyance at his rider's clumsy piloting. Astrid sat up and let her cool stare do all the talking as Hiccup pulled off his helmet. He paused, his glassy eyes meeting hers, his expression too purposely blank to be ashamed, before lurching towards the bed. He collapsed beside her unceremoniously, his eyes closing before his body hit the furs.

She could smell the alcohol on him.

"M sorry," he mumbled.

She watched him, still fully dressed, sweaty bangs plastered to his forehead, probably moments from blacking out. Part of her felt he was justified; given the night they'd had he had a pretty good reason for relapse.

Part of her just wanted to hit him.

"Mmm. 'Ryou mad?"

Astrid was quiet for a minute, weighing her warring emotions and fighting the lump in her throat. Finally she answered, "You didn't even wake me." And then she laid down, her back to him, and went back to sleep.

X

"Have you slept at all?" Gobber asked, setting down the platter of food in front of his chief.  
  
"A bit," Stoick answered, his eyes staring straight through the plate in front of him. Gobber handed him a fork and prodded his hand towards the food, and reluctantly Stoick began to eat.  
  
"You've spoken to him, in the last few weeks." It wasn't a question.  
  
Gobber settled into another seat at the table with a sigh. "Aye, a few times."

"What has he told you?"  
  
Gobber removed his helmet and scratched at his head. "Not all that much, to be honest. He's been living with that dragon, he's done a lot of traveling, he doesn't see what he's doing as a betrayal--"

Stoick made a sound at that, something between a grunt and a scoff, which Gobber chose to ignore. "I know that he's more your boy than either of you would care to admit." Gobber paused, waiting for commentary he doubted would come. "And I know he's as mad about Astrid as he ever was."

Stoick sighed. "She's one thing I still don't understand about this."

"We sent her to her death; Hiccup treated her like a person, so she stayed with him. What's not to get?"  
  
Stoick frowned at his eggs. Everything about Hiccup's demeanor last night had been shocking to him; the biting cold and cruelty in his voice was so much more bitter than the sarcasm of his youth. That young man had been utterly foreign to him. But there was one moment, when he had reached for Astrid and helped her to her feet...he'd been gentle, tender. Loving, even. For a moment that hard exterior had given a glimpse of something softer. He'd even kissed her.

The bridal crown, the drawing of Astrid in his bed, those had been meant to taunt them, to remind them what they had given their sacrifice up for, and what she was doing now. But the way Hiccup had kissed her and the way he had held her, that wasn't a taunt. That wasn't anything to do with them.  
  
"Y'say he's mad about her?"  
  
Gobber nodded. "Says he's in love with her. And her with him."  
  
Stoick poked at his eggs with his fork. "Is she? Or is she just docking in the safer harbor?"  
  
"I couldn't tell you, Stoick. Doesn't seem like Astrid to lead a fellow on, though. And from a few things he's said I get the idea they were worried he'd gotten her pregnant for a while."  
  
Stoick paused. That was one thing he did not particularly want to think about. "Why does that tell us anything?"  
  
"Astrid Hofferson has already proven that she's not one to sleep with someone for her own protection."  
  
"We don't know it's _her_ protection she's sleeping with him for."  
  
Gobber shook his head. "She's no fool, Stoick. She's not some innocent captive helping her captor for our safety. We turned on her, handed her over to a monster for a horrible fate, and when that monster turned out to be kinder than we were, she sided with him. And probably fell for him along the way. She's been seduced by his convictions as much as any other part of him."  
  
Stoick scowled at the eggs on his fork and shoved them into his mouth. There were many facets of this situation he did not like thinking about. He had enough of a struggle with who his boy had become without also having to think about what that man and Astrid were up to behind closed doors.  
  
"The thing is, Stoick, from what he's told me..." Gobber hesitated, waiting until his chief had stuffed his mouth full of bacon before continuing, "I think he may have a point."  
  
Stoick's eyes snapped to his friend. Gobber held up his hand. "Just, listen for a second before you spray you breakfast all over me. He's managed to tame that Night Fury, and more than that he tamed that beast back when he was a skinny little fishbone of a boy. And he and Astrid together have tamed that Deadly Nadder. Maybe there's something to what he says. He says they're being controlled by something bigger, something nastier, and he has some sort of plan to put a stop to it. What if there is something to that?"

Stoick shook his head. “Maybe there is something to all that. Or maybe he’s lying. We don’t know him anymore, Gobber. We don’t know what he might do, what he might really be planning. And I won’t risk this village to find out.”

“You know one thing that hasn’t changed, though?” Gobber said, getting up.

“What?”

Gobber paused just beside the door. “He’s every bit the stubborn, boar-headed Viking you ever were.”

X

Hiccup’s groaning woke her. “Ooooh, my head. Oh my gods, why does light have to be so bright?”

Astrid glared at the stone wall. “Bit hungover?” She taunted. She heard the _fwump_ as Hiccup’s arms fell to his sides.

“Look, I know you’re mad, but—“

“You didn’t even wake me. Again. You didn’t even wake me up, _again_.”

Hiccup sat up, his shadow falling over her. “Astrid,” he began, indignant, “In case you’ve forgotten, last night--”

“Was awful,” she interrupted, still not looking at him. “Was terrible, was exactly the kind of situation that would make you want to drink yourself into oblivion. And I know that, and if you had woken me up I would have helped you. But you didn’t. Because you didn’t want to. You didn’t want me to help you; you didn’t want me to stop you.” Her glare intensified and she felt her throat closing and hot tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. “Because you’ve never taken this seriously. Because you don’t think you have a problem. You’ve _never_ thought you had a problem. Even when you were so sick because your body didn’t even know how to function without alcohol anymore, you didn’t think you had a problem.”

His shadow stretched farther as he leaned closer. “I know I have a problem, Astrid.” She flinched at the bite in his words. “I’m not, I don’t--" His huffed sigh ruffled her hair. She squeezed her eyes shut.

This was so far from yesterday morning, when she’d been woken by playful kisses on her neck. They had spent the morning having lazy, sleepy sex; the kind that cared more for long passionate kisses and slow, sensual touches than frantic drive toward completion. It was the kind that made her feel loved, where she could feel his devotion in the slow, worshipful exploration of her body by his hands and mouth. Gone was the happiness unfurling like a warmth in her chest, replaced by the sting of not being trusted, of not being able to trust.

She loved him so much, flaws and all, and she wanted nothing more than to _help him¸_ didn’t he see that? And yet _still_ he would rather run and hide and indulge than tell her he felt weak. Things between them had finally started to settle, _finally_ started to get good again, and just when she thought he was okay, that he _got_ it…why couldn’t he have just woken her?

 “My dad disowned me, Astrid. There are times to face my demons but I don’t think this is it.”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “This is _exactly_ when you should be facing your demons. It’s one thing to say you’ve conquered them when everything is good and easy.  But times like this are exactly what you have to fight in order to win once and for all.” She started pushing herself up with her elbows. “If you can’t find a healthy way to—ah!” A sharp pain in her side stopped her words as she twisted to face him and Astrid dropped back onto the bed.

“Astrid?!”

Now laying on her back Astrid looked up at Hiccup’s panicked expression. He was pale, his hairline was dark with sweat, and there were bags under his red eyes. Good, she thought. Let the hangover kick his skinny ass. She clutched at her side. “Ribs.”

Hiccup shooed her hands out of the way and pulled up the hem of her shirt. She looked down to see a large purple bruise tinged with green and orange along her side. Hiccup prodded the area gently and she hissed. “Oh, Astrid,” he murmured, and set about poking at her ribs with his fingers, checking the line of each one for serious breaks. “When, how did--?”

“I hit the ground pretty hard when they shot me and Stormfly down.”

_Stormfly._

She felt a twisting pain in her chest that had nothing to do with her ribs. “What are we going to do about Stormfly? When are we going to get her?” Hiccup didn’t answer immediately. She watched his throat bob as he swallowed. He focused instead on her chest, on moving his thumb and fingers in slow lines from spine to sternum. It hurt when he passed over the bruised area, but none of his touches elicited more serious pains.

“Hiccup,” she tried again, frowning, “When are we going to get my dragon?”

He still wouldn’t meet her eye as he sighed through his nose and continued his examination. “We aren’t, not for a while, at least.”

“What?!” Astrid tried to sit up and got as far as lifting her shoulders off the bed before the pain kicked in and she was forced to lie down again. She glared up at her boyfriend. “What do you mean we’re not going to get her? They’ll kill her!”

Finally Hiccup met her gaze. “You’re not in any condition to fly, and they’ll be expecting us so Stormfly will be too heavily guarded for me to get her out on my own.” He glanced at her bruise and then back at her. “It doesn’t feel like anything is detached or ready to puncture your lungs, but there’s a good chance you’ve cracked something. You need time to heal before we can attempt any daring rescue missions.”

“But Stormfly--”

“Will be okay,” Hiccup said earnestly, his hand cupping her cheek in the first truly gentle gesture from either of them all morning. “I doubt they’re planning on killing her. Berk hasn’t had a dragon in their training arena in three years. That’s three years of battle training lost. They’ll stick her in the arena, use her for training those who’ve missed out on it while they use her as bait for us.

The thought of her dear Stormfly stuck in that cramped, dark pen, alone and scared, was enough to break Astrid’s heart.

“And you’re just fine with letting them torture her like that? What if it was Toothless?”

Hiccup’s eyes squeezed shut and he sighed. “I don’t want to leave her there any more than you do, Astrid.” Sincere green eyes met hers. “But the fact is we can’t just fly in, dragon blazing. We have to be more strategic than that right now. Stormfly won’t be having a lot of fun, but I doubt that they will seriously hurt her. I can fly by Berk one night and make sure she’s okay if it’ll make you feel better.  In the meantime, we let you heal, let them think we’ve abandoned her and let their guard down, then we’ll get her back.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I promise.”

She looked away. “I hope you realize that promise would have meant a lot more before last night.”

Hiccup didn’t answer.

After a moment Astrid very carefully pushed herself into a sitting position, and finally Hiccup spoke, voice low. “I’ve got nothing, Astrid.” She looked at him then, but he was staring at his hands in his lap. “I’ve lost everything. My village, my mother, my father, nearly everyone I ever called a friend…” He trailed off, his gaze shifting, eyes pointed straight ahead but unfocused and distant. “There’s so much I haven’t told you. There are so many things I’ve seen, things I’ve done. I’ve watched dragons and men die, I’ve watched people slaughtered like animals. I’ve seen the Eastern slave markets, where they’ll auction off whole families piecemeal: children taken from their parents, husbands and wives separated, girls not even into their teens sold as bed slaves.” His hands curled into fists. “I, I’ve…” he paused, exhaling a shaky breath. “I’ve killed people.” His head twitched her direction, as if he meant to look at her before deciding against it. “Never maliciously, never, never because I wanted to. But there have been times we’ve been in danger.” He looked at Toothless, asleep on his slab across the room. “They were going to kill him, or me, and there was no other way.” His voice rose in pitch, as if he was justifying his actions to himself as much as to her. “It was always a last resort, we always tried to escape rather than fight back, but sometimes…and Toothless is harder to reason with, you know, he doesn’t have a human’s morality.”

Astrid’s stomach was slowly clenching tighter and tighter, a painful sort of anxiety twisting her organs into knots. She had always known that Hiccup and Toothless would kill to protect each other, and had guessed that in all their travels it was likely to have happened, but there was something so much worse about actually hearing it said.

“You were all each other had,” she found herself saying, “you were willing to go to any length to protect each other.”

Hiccup nodded, still not looking at her. “I was sixteen the first time,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I hadn’t even really meant to, I was scared and--” He broke off, eyes squeezing shut and head turning away from Toothless. “It doesn’t matter now,” he murmured. He opened his eyes and set his gaze again on his hands. “The point is, I’ve seen too much, and lost too much. I’ve run as far as I can from all of it but it’s never far enough. Sometimes I just need to let my mind keep running from it, and a flagon of mead has always helped with that.

“That’s not going to go away. The sad state of my life is going to keep haunting me, and I’ll keep needing to run from it, and as much as you love me one of these days you’re going to get sick of it, and I won’t be able to blame you when you do.”

“Hiccup—“

“I’m not strong enough to fight this, Astrid,” he said firmly. “I can’t even change my own bad habits, how am I supposed to change anyone else’s mind? I’m not enough. You may see me as some great revolutionary, but the sad fact is that I’m just some dumb kid who couldn’t kill a dragon. So I ran. That’s what I do, I run.  When I couldn’t kill Toothless in the forest, I set him free and I ran. When I couldn’t kill the Monstrous Nightmare, I ran. I just…I run.  I’m not good for anything else. I’m not good _at_ anything else.”

“ _Hiccup_ —“

“I should take you back,” he said, shaking his head.

A fist was closing around Astrid’s stomach, she was sure of it. It was squeezing her in half.  “What are you _talking_ about?”

“I should just take you back to Berk. You’re bound to leave me one day anyway, and at this point you’d probably be safer and happier there anyway. You could claim that I manipulated you; that I threatened and abused you. Say that I told you I’d kill you or raze the village to the ground if you didn’t help me, I don’t know.  Play the part of the scared victim they wanted you to be, they’ll probably believe you.  Tell them I was angry that you revealed me to the village and sent you back to them so they could kill you for being a traitor, maybe you could say that--”

Astrid did not try to interrupt. She balled her hand into a tight fist, pulled back her arm as far as it would go, then slammed her fist into Hiccup’s shoulder.

“YOW!” Hiccup fell over onto his side, gripping his sore arm. He’d been so busy talking he hadn’t see her fist until it hit him, and now he stared up at her, eyes wide. “What are you--?”

“Shut up,” Astrid said. “Just, shut up.” Hiccup opened his mouth to respond but she held up a hand. “You’re right, you do run. You’re trying to run right now. You don’t think you can fix things with your dad, so you went and got wasted. You don’t think you can keep me, so you’re trying to run from this rather than try. _That’s_ what you do, Hiccup. You don’t run because you can’t change things, you run because you don’t think you can fix anything and would rather not try. And where has it got you?” Hiccup only blinked at her as he sat up.

Astrid raised her arms, wincing a little as it pulled at her tender ribs, and gestured around the room. “Right here. In a cave, with a dragon, feeling like the whole world is against you.” She lowered her arms. “You ran from Berk and you’ve never stopped. You ran halfway around the world and still it wasn’t far enough. You ran back here and when you couldn’t run away you drank so you could escape just a little more for just a little longer.” She sighed. “And now you’re so convinced that you can’t hold on to me that you’d rather just keep running from this too.” She reached out a hand and cupped his cheek. “I love you, and if I leave you it won’t be because I can’t put up with you anymore. It’ll be because you’re so intent on running from your problems instead of dealing with them that you’ll have pushed me away.”

Hiccup leaned into her touch. His green eyes were earnest and sad as they looked at her. “I don’t know what else to do, Astrid.”

She stroked his cheek. “You stop running. It’s never gotten you anywhere good. You have to stop running and face things head on.”

Hiccup shook his head. “And how am I supposed to do that? I’ve got nothing, I—“

“You’ve got a plan,” she interrupted. She was not going to give him a chance to pity himself anymore.

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t call it a plan so much as a wild hope in the shape of a series of actions.”

“It’s better than nothing.”

“It’s still not enough.”

“It’s a start,” Astrid stated, her brow furrowed. Hiccup’s gaze dropped and she dipped her head and forced him to look at her. “Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the third, you shot down a Night Fury at fifteen and went against everything you had ever been taught, everything you had ever thought you wanted to be, and trained and tamed the most dangerous dragon known to our kind.  You built him a custom working artificial tailfin. You didn’t just _fly_ a dragon, you _made a dragon able to fly._ You’ve spent the last few years _single-handedly_ mitigating the damage in a centuries old _war_ between a species of giant, flying, fire-breathing creatures, and probably the most violent and headstrong warrior society in the world.”

She sat up and nudged at Hiccup’s jaw so that he too was looking up at her. “You are so much more impressive and capable of so much more than you think you are. But I believe in you. _Toothless_ believes in you.” A small smile stole onto her lips. “You are so much more than enough. Don’t insult our tastes by claiming you’re not.”

Hiccup’s hand rose to rest on hers. “And if I fail? Are you still going to believe in me?”

She slapped lightly at his cheek. “No more running, what did I say? I can’t help you if you run from me. It’s time for you to take a stand, Hiccup,” she said seriously, her brows furrowed and her gaze determined. “And as long as you do, I’ll be standing there beside you.”

Hiccup gave her a small warm smile. “I don’t deserve you.”

“No, you don’t,” Astrid said, though she smiled as she said it. “And I know you aren’t the only one who believes that. There’s a whole village out there of people you believe don’t think you’re enough. And instead of moping about it it’s time for you to do what you spent all those years on Berk trying to do.”

Hiccup frowned. “What’s that?”

Astrid smiled, and as the words left her mouth she watched Hiccup’s whole demeanor change, and a determination she had not seen in a very long time narrow his eyes and straighten his back, and lift from her chest the heavy weight that had settled there since last night:

“Prove them wrong.”


	30. Plan A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect to go this long between updates, but life has been life. Trying to run a business is really hard and really exhausting.
> 
> More things were going to happen in this chapter, but this part took longer than I thought, and I'm kinda stuck on the next part, so have this update in the meantime.

"On a scale of one to ten, with ten being 'total success where we save the day and everyone lives happily ever after', and one being 'certain, instant, painful death', how likely would you say this plan is to work?"

Hiccup didn't answer immediately. He swallowed and finally said, "On a scale of one to ten how much do you really want my answer to that question?"

Astrid's arms tightened around his waist. "This is stupid."

Hiccup's hand closed over one of hers. "I tend to do pretty well with stupid." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's the best plan I've got right now, and you're the one who keeps telling me to do something."

"I know, but..." Astrid trailed off, biting her lip as she looked down the mouth of the volcano below them. Hiccup squeezed her hand again.

"With as many raids as have happened recently she should be full and happy and not attempt to eat me on sight." Below them Toothless rumbled uneasily. Hiccup released her hand to pat the dragon's neck. "Easy, bud. The calmer we stay, the better our chances." Hiccup twisted and Astrid had to loosen her hold so he could face her in the saddle. Despite his calm tone and reassurances there was obvious apprehension on his face.

"Astrid," he began, "Look, if this...goes wrong-"

"Don't," she interrupted, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "Please, don't-"

"Astrid, there are things I need to tell you-"

"No, just stop." She gave him an imploring look. "Don't talk like you've already failed."

"But Astrid, if this goes wrong I just want you to know-"

She shut him up with a kiss, her neck craned at an awkward angle to capture his mouth, but when she pulled away he made no more effort to speak. "I already know whatever you could tell me," she whispered. "And anything else can wait until we get out of here."

Hiccup gave her a long look. He kissed her again, briefly, pressed a kiss to her forehead then pulled her ear to his mouth and whispered, "Far left worktable. Second drawer from the top, the wooden box wrapped in linen." Astrid frowned but didn't have a chance to ask. Hiccup had released her and turned back around in the saddle. His foot adjusted the pedal and Astrid wrapped her arms around him again before they shifted into a dive.

They entered the mountain through one of many winding cave passageways, and after a few minutes of shifting darkness and red glowing light, they emerged into the center cavern. As before, they were surrounded by nervous looking dragons skittering along ledges and cowering behind rock formations. They landed behind one such formation near the mouth of another passage, a position that gave plenty of defendable protection and an easy, nearby escape. Once they'd landed Hiccup slid off Toothless's back and rubbed his dragon's head.

Astrid scooted forward to take a flight position in the saddle. Hiccup unloaded a few bags of fish from the saddlebags and Toothless shifted, adjusting to the change of weight. Hiccup took a deep breath, resting his hands against Toothless's side. He glanced at Astrid and gave her a weak smile which she did her best effort to return. He scratched behind Toothless's ears and whispered, "No matter what happens, you keep her safe." Toothless's low trill followed Hiccup as he dragged the heavy bags of fish around the edge of the rock formation. He opened the big bags so as to access the smaller bags inside, reached for one, and with a grunt tossed it over the edge into the mist below. After a moment a deep rumble echoed up from the depths of the mountain. Astrid held her breath, peaking around the stalagmite. An enormous head emerged from the mist, and six eyes as big as her whole body fixed on Hiccup.

Her knuckles went white on the reigns. Hiccup reached for another bag of fish and threw it to the dragon queen, who opened her jaws and snatched the bag from midair. She watched Hiccup with eagerness, her eyes following him as he picked up another bag of fish and hurled it into her waiting maw. Around the cave the other dragons had gone silent. They all watched this strange tiny human feed fish to the queen a thousand times his size.

After Hiccup had fed the queen all of one bag of fish, he reached down, his hands threading through the loops on the legs of his pants, and stood up, his arms pulling loose leather wings that hung at his sides. The Dragon Queen's eyes widened and she leaned her head closer to inspect him. Hiccup reached for another bag of fish and tossed them to the queen, who snapped them up.

Hiccup stepped closer to the edge and reached out a hand towards the enormous dragon. The queen watched him for a moment, then started growling, her eyes flicking towards the bags of fish.

Hiccup lowered his hand and grabbed more bags of fish and tossed them to her until she had consumed all of the fish he had to offer. When at last all of the fish, nearly 200 pounds in total, had been fed to the beast, Hiccup stepped back. He took his sword from its holster on his leg and opened and ignited the blade. The Queen's many eyes widened. Hiccup held the flaming sword aloft and waved it slowly over his head. All six eyes followed the motion of the blade but the queen did not otherwise move.

All over the cave other dragons watched as well, some of them even creeping out of their hiding spots for a better view.

Hiccup extinguished the blade and returned it to his holster. The Queen leaned closer, her snout almost level with the ledge on which Hiccup stood. Astrid held her breath, and beneath her Toothless had lowered into a crouch, ready to leap into action if needed. Hiccup stepped close, still standing tall and steady even though Astrid could see his chest moving quickly with nervous breaths. Hiccup stepped almost to the cliff's edge, so close to the enormous dragon that he might have been able to reach out and touch it, and Astrid realized with sudden horror that that was exactly what he intended to do.

Hiccup's hand rose and stretched towards the Queen's snout. She watched the hand extending towards her, and for a split second Astrid thought this whole crazy plan might actually work. A low growl that still managed to rumble the entire mountain was the only warning before the dragon reared back and lunged forward, jaws wide. Astrid screamed, and Hiccup only barely managed to dive out of the way before the Queen's teeth gouged a chunk out of the ledge where he had just been standing.

Toothless roared and leapt, and Astrid was jerked back, nearly losing her hold on the saddle. The Dragon Queen was howling, all six pupils narrowed to slits and fixed on the tiny human pushing to his feet. She opened her mouth, gas bubbling at the back of her throat. Astrid started to scream again. They were too far away and Hiccup would not be able to get clear of her fire in time.

Toothless fired a blast at the Queen's face, the purple light exploding against her cheek and throwing off her shot. Thin streams of fire leaked out between the Queen's teeth, but no more than that. Hiccup was on his feet now but there was not enough ledge left for him to cross to them, and the Queen was quickly recovering, shaking her head and coughing away the smoke.

"Hiccup!" Astrid shouted to him. He met her eyes for a moment, and then looked down, sharing a brief look with Toothless. Hiccup nodded, then threw himself off the side of the ledge. "No!"

Toothless followed, and Astrid flattened herself against the dragon. Toothless had acted too quickly; Astrid couldn't remember which position to change the tailfin to, and Hiccup had left it locked in a gliding position. They pitched over the side of the ledge, and Astrid spotted Hiccup, leather wings held open, gliding around the open cavern, trying to stay clear of the thrashing Queen. Toothless flapped his wings and managed just enough of a burst of speed to put himself under Hiccup. There was a whoosh of air, a thump, and Hiccup had landed behind her. His foot kicked hers out of the way, his hands closed over hers on the handlebars, and Toothless pulled into a sharp turn.

The whole world was spinning. The Queen was trying to find them, snatch them out of the air, but she was too big, the space was too small, and they were too fast. Before Astrid could quite grasp what had happened they had flown into a tunnel and taken a turn, finding an offshoot in which to hide. They watched as other dragons skittered or flew past, screeching out into the night as they retreated from the enraged queen. Every now and then one would stop to look curiously at them.

They could not see the queen from where they were hiding but they could hear her. She was howling, furious, her roars echoing through the mountain and shaking the walls. After a moment that felt like hours she quieted, and Toothless crept forward enough that they could see down the tunnel they'd come into the main cavern, in time to watch the queen's snout withdraw into the depths of the mountain.

"Hiccup," Astrid whispered, gripping his arm. "We need to get out of here."

"Just a minute," Hiccup replied, craning his neck to try to see more of the cavern from where they hid. "Maybe she'll have gotten the fury out of her system. Maybe if I go back in there-"

"No!" Astrid hissed, louder than she felt comfortable. The Queen couldn't reach them down this way, but she could probably tear the mountain apart trying. "Hiccup we need to get out of here, now. If you go back in there she'll eat you or roast you or-"

"I just want to get one last look, maybe I can-"

"Hiccup!" He must have picked up on the shrill note of panic in her voice because he shut up and didn't push the issue further. His hands rubbed over hers.

"Okay," he said softly. "Let's get out of here."

Xx

The turning gears in Hiccup's head were almost audible. They didn't discuss what had happened on the flight back, but Astrid intended to the moment they touched down at home. She was sure it would take until then for her heart to stop pounding. Her ribs ached from the jerky rescue maneuvering, but not enough for her to worry there had been further damage. She was healing on schedule, but it was still taking far too long for her liking.

True to his word, Hiccup had snuck into Berk to check on Stormfly, and as he'd expected, they were holding her in the arena. They weren't feeding her enough, but she was otherwise unharmed. A perilous day-long stake-out in a cave above the village, unreachable except by dragon, had revealed that Berkians had indeed attempted to use her to train Berk's younger warriors, but it didn't seem to be going well. For the teenagers, at least. Stormfly was extremely hesitant to attack anyone, and even her attempts to defend herself were relatively half-hearted compared to what she was really capable of.

It still worried Astrid. Stormfly did not want to harm anyone if she did not have to, but she might still be seriously injured, or worse, if she came to believe she'd been abandoned, she might stop pulling her proverbial punches.

Berk had not been attacked since the night they'd confronted Stoick, but other villages had been. Astrid hadn't realized just how much of a difference her help had made until she again had to see an exhausted Hiccup and Toothless return from protecting a village on their own. And of course, she dreaded the night the Dragon Queen might again turn her sights on Berk.

Hiccup would go back; of course he would. There was no question about it. He would not leave Berk undefended, no matter what he'd said in a moment of anger. If he didn't go, and something happened, if someone died...it might convince the village of how much good he'd really been doing, but Hiccup would never forgive himself for it.

They landed in their room back in their mountain and Hiccup slid off the saddle first, then turned to help Astrid down. He looked disappointed, his brow furrowed and eyes downcast. Astrid's stomach started twisting itself into a knot as Hiccup stepped away and started ripping at his armor.

"Hiccup," she began, "Don't do this, don't you start up the self-pity party again. Just because one plan failed-"

"I know, Astrid," he groaned, tossing his chest piece to the side and plopping down on the bed to start pulling off his boots. "I'm not throwing a pity party." He yanked off his boots and ran his hands through his hair, sighing. "I just...kinda hoped that would work better than it did."

"You were trying to tame a thousand ton beast of a dragon with some fish and fake wings. It's kind of a miracle it didn't work worse."

Hiccup glared at her. "Oh now you tell me you think it wouldn't work? You weren't this worried when I first told you what the plan was."

Astrid shrugged and came to sit down beside him. "To be honest I kinda thought there was more to it than what you were telling me. And besides," she said before he could give voice to that angry expression, "It wasn't a terrible plan in theory. That kind of thing would have worked pretty well with most dragons."

Hiccup heaved a sigh, anger fading. "Then why didn't it work on her?" Toothless had lit the main fire and then grumpily gone to bed, his back to them. Clearly his opinion on the plan was less than positive. Hiccup frowned at the fire. "Maybe I need to just work on her more. Keep coming back, bring her more food, show her I'm friendly. She probably hasn't left that mountain in years, centuries maybe. She may not even have seen a person before, or at least not in any positive context."

"Hiccup."

He was on his feet and pacing. "Maybe if I up the disguise bit, show myself to her more as a dragon, then slowly reign it back, so by the time she's facing me fully as a human, she sees me as one of the dragons, so to speak."

"Hiccup."

"I could bring her a bigger tribute, too. The fish worked because it was a little at a time, but she may have viewed that as too small of a tribute. Maybe if I brought her something bigger, like a wild boar, or maybe-"

"Hiccup!" He turned and looked at her, mildly surprised at her raised voice.

"What?"

Astrid sighed and patted the bed beside her. Her ribs did not like the idea of getting back up to chase Hiccup across the room. "I'm not sure your plan is really going to work the way you want it to."

Hiccup frowned. "I know we had a rough start, but given enough time and enough repeat visits, I really think I can make the Dragon Queen see me as one of her own."

"Say you can," Astrid said, leaning back on her hands, since Hiccup was refusing to stop pacing in front of the fire. "Then what? She sees you as one of her dragon minions. She expects you to show up with a tribute every time you show up. One day you don't bring food, and chomp chomp, Hiccup sandwich."

"No," Hiccup says, frowning at her. "I gain her trust; I make her see me as one of her own, and then I get her to see me as someone she'll listen to. Someone she'll even take commands from, in the simplest of terms. Like Mom and the Bewilderbeast. If it worked on the Bewilderbeast, it should work on the Red Death."

"Except the Red Death isn't the Bewilderbeast," Astrid pressed. "Your Mom works well with the Bewilderbeast because he actually cares about the dragons under his command. He protects and provides for them. The Dragon Queen doesn't care about the dragons under her command. She sends them out to hunt food for her, and doesn't care if they die doing it. And let's not forget that she'll straight up eat any dragon that doesn't bring back a suitable offering." She shook her head. "A dragon like that is not going to listen to some puny human- _all_ humans are puny to her, don't give me that look-especially one that is trying to get her to stop sending her subjects to their deaths for the sake of her dinner."

"You're making her sound evil," Hiccup said, frowning.

Astrid shrugged. "Isn't she?"

Hiccup's frown edged closer to a glare. "Dragons aren't all-"

"Dragons aren't all bad, yes, I know," she interrupted. "But Hiccup, that doesn't mean they're all good." Hiccup's mouth closed. "People are mostly good, but there are good people and bad people in the world. Why can't there be good dragons and bad dragons too?"

Hiccup thought about that for a moment. "Say you're right," he said quietly, eyes on his feet. "Then what do we do about the Red Death?"

"I don't know, I'm not really the plan person."

"Say you were," Hiccup said, looking at her. "You're not stupid, and you're not half bad at planning in a pinch."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "I'm not really a strategist, Hiccup. I've always been more the 'lop their head off with an axe' kind of girl."

Hiccup smiled. "Well, what does the 'lop off their head with an axe' kind of girl think we should do in this situation?"

Astrid heaved another sigh. "I'm not sure you'd like what my answer would be."

"Tell me anyway."

She thought for a moment, staring at her lap. "We know where the nest is. We know where the queen is. And the dragons are totally docile outside of her control. The only real problem is, well, the queen. Get rid of her, and the war is more or less over."

"I'm not sure I like where you're going with this."

"I told you you wouldn't." She looked up at him. "Something has to be done about the Dragon Queen. And since you can't exactly reason with her-"

"We don't know that-"

"We _do_ know that," Astrid said firmly. "Hiccup, she's not some enemy tribe's chief, she's a dragon. Which means at the end of the day, she's just an animal. That's what they are. Smarter than average animals, yes, but still animals." She shook her head. "You're up against nature here, babe, there's only so much you can do. You can't reason with her. She's running on base instinct. She's greedy; she wants food and her dragon minions are how she gets it. Threaten that, and she's going to lash out to protect her own interests."

"So, what, when negotiations fail we just kill her?"

"That is how war works, babe," she reminded him gently. "And we're not talking about killing an innocent creature here. We're talking about toppling the tyrannical top of the food chain."

"Try saying that five times fast."

"Hiccup."

"I know, I know." He sat down beside her. "You've got a point. It's not like taking down the Queen would be easy, though. There's no way we could do that all on our own."

Astrid chewed her lip. "Well, if you wanted to kill two birds with one stone..."'she trailed off and Hiccup looked at her."Vikings have been searching for the nest ever since we first sailed here; they're ready to go to war against the source of the raids, and we know where it is."

Hiccup was shaking his head before she even finished. "There's no way that'd work. That thing is enormous, and ferocious. It'd take more than even the most battle-ready, blood-thirsty Vikings to take it down. If we sent Berk after the nest, it'd be a massacre."

"Unprepared, maybe. But with a good enough plan, and backup from you and me-"

"It'd still probably be a massacre," Hiccup interrupted. He ran his hands through his hair. "We have to be smarter than this. There's a solution here, I just haven't found it yet. Consider battle Plan C. In the meantime, I try to work out the kinks on plan B."

"And you completely abandon Plan A?" Astrid asked in a warning tone.

Hiccup sighed. "Yes, I'll abandon Plan A." He bumped her shoulder playfully.  
"It's almost like you don't want me to get myself killed, or something."

She elbowed his ribs. "How dare I try to keep you safe?" He leaned in to kiss her but a sudden thought stopped her just before their lips met. "What's in the box in your worktable?" Hiccup stopped, his eyes fluttering open.

He swallowed. "Something...something I'd want you to find if I couldn't give to you in person."

Astrid hummed, tilting her head so that Hiccup's lips missed hers again. He made a little noise of frustration. "So since you are here, does that mean I get it now?" Hiccup pulled back, regarding her mischievous little smile with a fond one of his own.

"It means you get to wait until I'm ready to give it to you."

She pouted. "So if you died I'd have gotten a surprise gift, but since you live I don't get anything?"

His arms snaked around her waist and pulled her gently into his lap. "Unfortunately you just get me, milady."

Xx

Warm breath.

That was Astrid's first thought as she woke. She could feel warm breath on her face.

Very warm breath. Hot breath. Very hot breath.

Very stinky, fishy, hot breath.

Astrid blinked open her eyes, and found herself nose to nose with a Monstrous Nightmare.

She shrieked, scrambling backwards and looking around wildly for Hiccup. She heard his laughter and found him standing beside the bed, rubbing the belly of a happily panting Gronkle while the two heads of a Hideous Zippleback took turns licking Toothless, who looked about as amused with the whole situation as she felt. The Monstrous Nightmare at the end of their bed was still watching her curiously, seemingly unperturbed by her screaming. Astrid looked from the dragons to Hiccup and back again.

"Hiccup," she drawled, forcing herself not to be calm. "What's going on?"

Hiccup beamed at her. "Plan B."


	31. Wishes and Other Impossible Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? An update only two months later instead of six? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS? Well the madness is pretty much I got sick this week and somehow had a few extra minutes to write and edit. I'm still mostly super busy, trying to keep my business open, working like 48-50 hours a week. But here's a new chapter that is really long but mostly filler, or at least it feels that way to me, but I had to edit like a thousand words out of the opening scene because it basically existed to make a few unfunny sex jokes.
> 
> Also please remember that everyone in this entire story is pretty messed up, so like...there is no intention to hate on any characters. This is important, because...well, you'll see.
> 
> ALSO Persephone turned 2 years old yesterday. (or the day before? Something like that.) Hooray! I totally thought I would have finished this monster by now. Blerf.

Astrid hated trying to sit still, and with the healer woman poking and prodding at her ribs, she had to sit especially still.

"What did you say happened to you, again dear?" Astrid had to suppress a sigh. Every time.  
  
"I fell down the stairs."  
  
The old woman's eyes narrowed. "What did you do that for?"  
  
"I was carrying a basket of laundry and missed a step. Down I went."  
  
The old woman glanced at the door, closed and separating Hiccup from the two of them. "How did you really get hurt?”

For a moment Astrid was taken aback. The old woman had asked her how she had been hurt every time she’d come in, but this was the first time she had really questioned it. Astrid had assumed the old woman was just senile and forgetful. “I told you,” she said after a minute. “I fell down the stairs.”

The healer raised an eyebrow. “Did he hurt you?”

Astrid almost laughed, but caught herself. “What? No, he didn’t hurt me.”

“Because I’ve seen a lot of women over the years who said they ‘fell down the stairs’—“

“Well, stairs are dangerous if you’re not paying attention--”

“Except it wasn’t usually the stairs that hurt them. If he’s hurt you I can help. You can trust me, dearie, I’ll make sure you and any children are cared for and see your husband brought to justice.”

Astrid shook her head. “No, really, I mean, that’s very kind of you, but he hasn’t hurt me. He would never. I honestly just fell down the stairs.”

The healer didn’t look convinced. “Why do I get the feeling you’re lying?”

Astrid sighed, rolled her eyes and fixed her gaze on the chair the woman sat in, thinking. “Look, it’s just that the circumstances were kind of embarrassing, it’s not because my husband hurt me.”

There was a heavy silence that prompted Astrid to continue. “I was…I was running from my husband. Not like that!” She added, glancing up. “He was…playfully chasing me-we’re still basically newlyweds-and I wasn’t paying attention and I tripped on the stairs and fell.” Even knowing it was a lie designed to hopefully stop anymore questions Astrid still felt her face heating up.

 “I get the picture,” came the healer’s reply. Astrid glanced at the woman’s face and found the old woman looking utterly nonplussed. “That’s early days of marriage for you, I suppose. And I don’t see any other signs of abuse. Still, I always check. And that said,” the healer began, fixing Astrid with a sharp look again. “If he ever raises a hand against you, I’m here to help. Don’t wait until it becomes a recurring thing. The first time he strikes you and thinks he can get away with it, you poison him.”

Astrid’s eyes widened. “Poison him?!”

The healer waved a hand. “I don’t mean fatally, not unless he really deserves it. I say save that fate for the repeat offenders, or the ones who raise a hand against the children, or who force intercourse. Oh no, you just throw a little something in his dinner, something to make him really _really_ sick. I mean, on the floor, puking and soiling himself so much he can’t move to strike at you in retaliation. You want him sick enough that he learns not to bite the hand that feeds him. Literally, because unless he wants to personally cook his meals all his life he’s got to learn to respect the woman who can slip poisonous herbs he can’t even identify into his supper and tell him it’s seasoning.” She nodded sagely. “Worked wonders on my dear old Haskell, rest his soul. Came home drunk once when we were young, had some ideas in his head about being in charge of his household, thought he could hit me for reminding him to respect me. I whipped up some chicken stew he never forgot. He was a changed man after that.”

Astrid picked her jaw up off the floor and arranged her face into something she hoped resembled a smile. “I’ll uh…I’ll keep that in mind. I don’t think it’ll come to that, but, um, thanks?”

The healer nodded and returned the smile. “I’m just looking out for the younger generations. I’ve seen too many starry eyed young brides turn fearful and silent. But anyway, your ribs are looking fine, much better than the last few times I’ve seen you. You’re probably good to go back to your usual activities. Boy!”

The door opened and Hiccup poked his head in. “Uh, is that my cue?” The woman nodded and he sidled into the room. “So,” he said, his arms swinging as he rocked on his feet. “What’s the verdict?”

Astrid hopped up from her chair. “I’m healed up, apparently.” She crossed to him and took his hands in hers. “All clear to resume normal activities.”

To her surprise Hiccup actually looked a bit concerned at this news. A slight crease appeared between his eyes and small frown worked onto his lips. He looked over her head at the healer. “Her ribs have healed? Completely?”

The healer nodded, rearranging some of the numerous jars on her equally numerous shelves. “It’s been a month since she was injured, that’s plenty of time to heal even a broken rib, and I think she may have cracked one at the worst, most likely they were merely bruised. She’s had no pain or soreness with movement for more than a week, and I can’t feel any tenderness or swelling. She should be fine.”

Hiccup’s fingers tightened almost imperceptibly around hers and his expression didn’t soften. “Good to know.” Astrid frowned.

“How long have you two been married?” Their eyes met, a split second of panic before they answered in unison:

“Since November.”

The healer tsked behind them. “And still no baby? What are you doing wrong?”

Astrid spun to face the healer, nearly stammering. “We haven’t really been trying.”

The healer hummed in what could have been disapproval. “Well, if you’re ready to try and find yourself having trouble, you can come see me. I’ve counseled many a young couple who had trouble begetting a babe.” She paused. “Of course, many of those just weren’t doing it right. It always surprises me how wrong people can get such a simple task.”

Astrid and Hiccup exchanged a look.

“Right,” she said. “Well, um, thank you for everything.” And she pulled Hiccup out of the shop and into the street.

After a minute of shaking with silent giggles Hiccup looped his arm through hers and Astrid relaxed, leaning comfortably against his side. The fingers of her left hand twisted idly at the simple silver band on her finger. It always felt odd wearing it; a little out of place, a little dishonest. She and Hiccup only wore them when they went into town, where they couldn’t easily talk as if they lived together if they did not also present themselves as a married couple. A young unmarried couple living together would bring too much attention on them, and it was top priority to blend in. It wasn’t hard to do in bigger towns like this; even with wanted posters with her face on them plastered all over town no one ever seemed to match her to them.

 And they might as well be married, really, Astrid mused. They lived together like a married couple, slept together like a married couple. They were as committed to each other, even if they hadn’t said it in so many words. They were husband and wife in all but legal name.

And yet, they only called each other such when they were in public, in front of people who couldn’t know the truth. At home, where it mattered, their relationship remained unlabeled. She had only a simple too-big band that Hiccup had made quickly one morning before they had to go into town.

It was starting to bother her more than it used to.

They made their way through the market, picking up the essentials as well as a number of luxuries. Exotic fruits, imported fabrics, useless pretty trinkets that caught her eye; anything that held her attention for more than a few seconds Hiccup was offering to buy her. He didn’t often carry money, but rare enough dragon scales worked well as currency in most circles, and he had no shortage. He couldn’t use Toothless’s scales, since those would have been decried as fake at best and shone suspicion on them at worst, but he held onto any that Stormfly shed, as well as some of her tail spikes, and merchants were always willing to accept them. He was usually generous, usually willing to spring for anything she really wanted, but today he was exceptionally doting. 

They were delayed in front of a shop for a few moments while a party of women exited it, gushing about a wedding dress for one of the girls. Astrid watched them longingly. It must be nice, to have a big group of friends like that; to have a big group of women to talk to. As much as she loved being with Hiccup and their dragons, it did get somewhat lonely sometimes. Even on Berk she didn’t have a female entourage like this girl, though. She had Ruffnut, and a couple of cousins she was close to. There weren’t that many girls her age on Berk. Not like this place, a town full of people. Would you even know everyone who lived here?

The women finished filing out of the shop and they caught a glimpse in at racks of fabric. A seamstress’ shop, it seemed. Hiccup nudged her arm. “Want to go in?”

Astrid blinked at his suggestion and glanced in the open window of the shop. There was another woman being measured for what looked like maternity clothes. “What for?”

“To get something nice,” Hiccup said, pulling her towards the shop.

Astrid shook her head, still confused. “I can make my own clothes, why do I need to go in here?”

Hiccup laughed. “Because it might be nice to have something you didn’t have to make yourself? Something nice, or fancy or something?”

Astrid scoffed. “To wear when?” But she allowed Hiccup to pull her into the shop.

“You never know,” Hiccup said, and his voice dropped low as they entered the shop. “One day you might want something fancy.” His voice resumed normal volume. “Pick out whatever you want.”

She shook her head and started examining the bolts of fabric arranged on shelves all over the little shop. “You’ve been spoiling me all day today, what’s with you?”

Hiccup shrugged. “Consider it an early birthday present.”

Astrid paused, her hands gone still on a lightweight wool. “Is it July already?” Hiccup laughed again and kissed her cheek.

“Yes, and it has been. For eight days.” Astrid frowned. Her birthday was barely more than a week away.

“I…I guess it is.” Her eyes slid out of focus and the fabric slipped out of her hands as she thought. “It’s easy to lose track of the days back home.” It was almost her birthday. She’d be twenty. No longer a teenager, definitely no longer a child.

Her last birthday had been a simple affair. Her mother had cooked her favorite meal and her father had Gobber refinish her axe handle. They’d had dinner as a family, Brenna had sung to her. Her mother had told stories about when she was a little girl while she braided her hair. Her father told her how proud of her he was, and she rolled her eyes when they joked about possible suitors, and becoming an old maid.

She hadn’t spoken to them in more than half a year.

Technically she had, but she hardly counted the brief dialogue she’d had with her father or trying to tear herself from their arms when she and Hiccup had nearly been captured. She missed them. But it was more than that, really. She missed when things were simple. She missed when their love was unconditional and undoubted.

Distantly she felt Hiccup’s hands land on her shoulders. “Astrid?”

She turned away from the wall of fabric and her eyes fell on the pregnant woman speaking with the seamstress. Her mother had been like that once; young and pregnant and hopeful. Her mother had carried her in her own body, given birth, given life, raised her for nineteen years. How could someone do that, and then just…give that child up? Not just that, not just give her to a husband, set her free into adult life and adult independence, but give her up entirely? Give her up for death or worse?

Another woman entered from an adjacent room, looking like an older version of the pregnant woman. Her mother, Astrid realized, watching the older woman gush over the color of a certain fabric going with her daughter’s eyes.

Would she ever have that?

She’d spent most of her life considering things like marriage and motherhood a far off fantasy, incompatible with the state of her life and her village, but when she had given it thought she’d always assumed that if the time came and she found herself facing motherhood, she would have her own mother’s guidance.  The mother and daughter were talking about fabric and baby clothes now, and they laughed at something the seamstress said and they had the same laugh. In profile they were almost identical save for the crow’s feet and laugh lines on the older woman. They had the same sharp nose and full lips.

People always said Astrid looked like her mother. She and Brenna both had their father’s coloring, Hofferson blonde hair and blue eyes, but their features strongly favored their mother.

Her heart ached, an image appearing in her mind of herself with a child of her own who looked like her. She could see her mother playing with a little girl who looked like Brenna, but with Hiccup’s bronze hair.

Her throat felt tight. Would that ever happen? Could it ever happen? With the state of the war, could things ever change enough to rebuild the broken bridges? Could she ever forgive her parents enough to let them back into her life? Or would the resentment, the anger, the heartbreak and betrayal always simmer below the surface?

It didn’t sound so bad, oddly, being a housewife. After so much of her life spent fighting, there was something appealing in the idea of settling down, spending her time loving her husband and raising her children. It seemed calm, peaceful, boring…lovely. A year ago the idea of marriage and domesticity disgusted her. But now, it just sounded like early retirement. She was a warrior at heart, she always would be, but _gods_ , it would be nice if she didn’t always _have_ to be.

“Astrid?” She came back to herself, finding Hiccup’s hands rubbing her arms. He was looking at her with a concerned frown. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “Let’s go,” she said, her voice strangely rough. “I just want to get out of here.”

“Hey.” Hiccup gently spun her, trying to get her to face him, at the same time that she was trying to pull away. She found herself facing a mirror across the room, and it gave her pause.

Gods, she looked like a wife. Silver band glinting in the light coming in through the open windows, hair braided up off her neck, sturdy canvas shopping bag at her side filled with necessities and her husband’s gifts; sensible, comfortable clothing, and a concerned husband with his hands on her shoulders. They looked like an ordinary married couple, out and about running errands. Wouldn’t it be nice if it was all that simple?

But they weren’t, and it wasn’t, and the longer she stood in this room looking at the beautiful lie in the mirror and the impossible fantasy behind her, the more her chest ached, so she shrugged Hiccup’s hands off her shoulders and stepped quickly outside.

Hiccup was half a step behind her as they made their way through the alley, into a smaller, less crowded street. He followed silently behind her and Astrid was thankful for the space. The air felt warmer here than it did in Berk. Perhaps this town caught warmer currents, or perhaps it was just the heat of a hundred more houses and businesses and people.  It felt a bit stifling in the narrow streets between houses and buildings crowded together. This town was an interesting place; still technically Norse but just far enough south and centered on enough trade routes to almost feel Southern. There were always enough people about that there was always something going on, but she missed the simplicity of village life. She missed the clear, cool salty air.  Down by the docks you could still feel the ocean breeze, but this far into town the buildings were too close together for it. The salt was drowned out by the smell of hearths and bakeries and leatherworks.

The farther they got towards the outskirts of town the more the buildings spaced out and the clearer the air felt. The knot in her chest loosened and she felt like she could breathe a little easier.

“Are you okay?” Hiccup finally asked. Astrid took a deep breath and released it through her nose.

“Yeah.”

“You wanna tell me what happened back there?” There was no press to his words; he was genuinely asking if she wanted to tell him, not demanding an explanation.

Astrid thought about it for a moment. As much as she loved him, as much as she trusted him, the thoughts that had overwhelmed her in the seamstress’s shop did not feel like thoughts she wanted to share. Not now, at least. Sharing them would not help matters. There was no fixing any of it, and she’d expressed her desire for children and a safe world to raise them in before, anyway.

“No,” she answered finally, and Hiccup made no reply.

They walked in silence, making their way towards the edge of the village, where streets and houses turned to farmland and fields.

“Do you think your father would be more likely to talk to you if we had a baby?”

She heard Hiccup stumble at her words.

“What?”

She shrugged. “I was just thinking, disowning his son might seem easy until he realizes just what all it means giving up. It stops being so abstract when he sees that he’s giving up not just the chance to know his son, but the chance to know his grandchildren as well.  It wouldn’t be the first time that parents and children have made up for the sake of the next generation.” She scratched at her scalp through the thick braided bun. One upside to not being officially married: she didn’t have to get used to marriage braids. “Maybe he’d be more open to talking things out if it meant getting to be in his grandchildren’s lives.”

After a quiet moment Hiccup said, “Astrid? Is there something you need to tell me?”

The corners of her mouth quirked. “I’m not pregnant, Hiccup.”

His pace quickened and he walked beside her. “Are you sure?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m as sure as it’s possible to be. I’m just thinking hypothetically. As far as I know, I’m not pregnant.”

“As far as you know?”

She couldn’t help but laugh. His panic was unnecessary but adorable. “Hiccup,” she groaned, “We haven’t done anything in a month because of my ribs, and I’ve had proof I’m not pregnant in that time.”

“Good. Because you realize that if you did get pregnant, it’d be all your fault, right?”

She scoffed. “All _my_ fault? I can’t get pregnant without your help, babe. It kind of takes a team effort to make that happen.”

It was Hiccup’s turn to scoff. “Excuse me,” he said indignantly, “I was a master of the pull out method before you came along, little Miss Locked Ankles.” He tugged on a strand of her hair and murmured, “Just because you’ve got a thing for me coming inside you.”

“Which you always adamantly refuse to indulge?”

“Well,” Hiccup conceded, finally catching her eye and mirroring her blush, “It’s not really my fault that I can only fight you so hard. And I _am_ usually a little too busy to argue.”

“Then we’ll agree that it’s a team effort and leave it at that?”

Hiccup rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine, I suppose.” He shot her a warm smile and she felt the tension in her body ease. He was good at that, at helping her relax. At making her feel a little more hopeful. She caught his eye and his arm wound around her waist and pulled her closer. They were approaching woodland now, towards the dense forest and cave where Toothless was waiting. With no other eyes on them Astrid relaxed into Hiccup’s side, leaning into him as they walked.

“So what do you think?” she asked, and Hiccup’s confused hum answered her.

“About what?”

“About your dad?”

Hiccup didn’t answer immediately, and she felt his arm stiffen. “I don’t know,” he said. “If he still managed to disown me after thinking I was dead and finding out I wasn’t, then I don’t see how finding out he’s going to be a grandfather would help things.” He shrugged with the shoulder she wasn’t pressed against. “And it doesn’t really matter, does it? You’re not pregnant. And ideally you won’t be until things are less…” he trailed off, his hand lifting and waving in the air in front of them in a vague gesture.

Astrid sighed. He was right, of course. “Still,” she said. “As excited as you are for Plan B, I still think actually talking to your dad should be in the running somewhere.”

“Astrid,” Hiccup sighed, exasperation clear in his voice, “I tried that, remember? How did that go?”

“You didn’t try,” she reminded him gently. “That doesn’t count. The two of you were both over-emotional and angry, and you let all of that get in the way of anything else. Now that you’ve both had time to think, to process, I’m sure that if you sat down and talked rationally and calmly you could work something out.”

They stepped into the shade of the forest and a shadow fell over Hiccup’s eyes, shielding his exact expression from her. “He disowned me, Astrid. I don’t think he’s willing to talk.”

She watched him for a moment. His arm was still around her and she knew he’d keep her from tripping over anything on the path. “Stoick hasn’t been the same since you left, Hiccup. You didn’t see what it did to him. What it made him do to others.”

“I saw what it made him do to you,” he said quietly.

Astrid nodded. “I think when he lost you something kind of…broke. It was like he didn’t have anything left to lose and had everything left to lose at the same time. He’d lost his wife, he’d lost his son; I think at some point he just decided that there was no sacrifice too great if it meant bringing an end to all this loss. I think he was tired of meaningless deaths that accomplished nothing. You and your mother hadn’t died in battle, fighting to end the war, you’d just been taken. Senselessly, pointlessly.” She looked at the ground now, at her boots stepping in time with Hiccup’s. “I don’t know who first brought up the idea of a virgin sacrifice, or if it was even a serious suggestion at first, but I think…I think the idea of one final death that actually meant something, that did some good, that ended all other deaths appealed to him.” She sighed. “And I’m sure it wasn’t a stretch for the part of him that wanted justice to decide that it balanced things out to give up the girl who in his mind had failed to save his son.”

They were quiet for a moment before Hiccup asked, “Why are you defending him? After what he did to you?”

“I’m not defending him. I’m just trying to understand, and help you understand.” She kicked at a pebble. “He wanted peace; he wanted safety for his people. He wanted an end to the suffering and the pain, and most of all he wanted his son back. But he knew that last one wasn’t ever going to happen. And I think it added to his pain that there was never any body to burn. There was no closure, no goodbye.” Her free hand found his and entwined their fingers. “And then suddenly here you are, and you’re alive, and you’re, I don’t know, cavorting with the enemy. And suddenly that thing he wanted more than anything, that he thought was impossible, isn’t impossible anymore. Except then you started yelling, and he started yelling, and everyone got mad and the dragon issue got brought up when everyone was mad. Now those things that he wanted more than anything all seem possible but not compatible. How can he have you back, but still have hope of safety and peace for his people? He doesn’t see how those things can all happen together. He thinks his son is still gone.” She squeezed Hiccup’s hand. “I think you need to show him that you aren’t. And then you have to make him see that he doesn’t have to choose.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Hiccup said, his voice low.

Astrid shrugged. “I believe you’ll figure it out. But I think it probably starts by talking. And I mean talking, not yelling. Not accusing. Talking, and listening. I’m not saying it would be easy, but at some point, no matter what happens, no matter if Plan B or C or D through Z works, there will come a moment where you and your dad will have to sit down and talk.”

She looked at Hiccup, at the sunlight filtering through the trees and illuminating his downcast eyes and slight frown. He nodded. “I suppose you’re right.” Their steps slowed to a halt and he looked at her, something soft and unreadable in his eyes that made her stomach feel warm and her heart beat a little faster. “When that time comes, you’re gonna be there with me, right?”

She returned his smile, and reached up to kiss the corner of his mouth. “I’ll be right here.”

X

They were back.

They’d had a whole month’s reprieve from raids, and Stoick had actually started to believe that perhaps they were gone for good. But here they were again, and it was worse than it had been in a long, long time. As of yet, no one had been seriously hurt, but there was more damage than there had been in a long time.

And the Dragon Master was nowhere to be seen.

He couldn’t call him Hiccup. He just couldn’t. Stoick stopped for a moment and squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t reconcile his boy with this man. He always saw plenty of Valka in Hiccup, and he always worried that he would inherit her pacifism and it would get him hurt or worse, but he never dreamed their son would go so far as to choose the dragons over his own people. His son wouldn’t do that. _Valka’s_ son wouldn’t do that.

“Stoick!” Someone called from a watchtower above him, and he looked up. Hoark pointed west. “The storehouse! There’s a Monstrous Nightmare, flame on, heading towards the storehouse!”

Stoick nodded and called for men to follow him. If the dragons set the storehouse aflame all the food they’d gathered so far this summer would be lost. His group of six men crested the hill and below they could see the dragon stalking towards the large wooden building. They’d doused the wood as soon as the raid had begun, but by this point it might have dried enough for the powerful flame of the Nightmare to catch. As soon as they were close enough, Arvid Hofferson yelled and hurled a hammer, catching one of the beast’s outstretched wings. It was enough to catch the Nightmare’s attention and it turned away from the storehouse for just a moment. There was a bleat, and Stoick noticed a sheep cowering in the storehouse’s shadow. That was the Nightmare’s target, no doubt. The storehouse was just a large, highly flammable object in its way.

Someone else threw an axe, but they didn’t have Arvid’s aim and the Nightmare’s tail batted the weapon away in midair. It ignored them, turning back towards the sheep. Stoick grit his teeth. The thing was still burning, and his men were all armed with weapons best suited for close combat. It would be difficult to get close enough to do any real damage while the dragon still blazed. Panic rose in his throat. If that thing brushed the storehouse…

“Burned hands or burned food, men! Attack him!” There were nods from beside him, and the men surged forward.

There was just a second’s warning, that tell-tale high pitched shriek.

“Get down!”

A blast of purple light exploded against the Nightmare’s back, and Stoick just barely caught the black shape as it blurred out of the smoke and disappeared into the night sky.

The enraged Nightmare roared and followed, leaving the terrified sheep and the storehouse unharmed.

Stoick searched the skies but they were already gone, invisible against the black sky. Back in the village proper he saw another blast of purple light, and again barely caught sight of the Night Fury against the flames before it again disappeared.

“Back to the village, hurry!” He started running but then stopped, noticing one of his men still standing still behind him. He looked back to see Arvid, his arms by his side, his eyes on the blackness above.

“Arvid!” Stoick called, but Arvid held up a hand.

“I’m trying to see if Astrid’s with him.”

Stoick shook his head. “Her dragon is in the Kill Ring. She wouldn’t be up there.”

Arvid looked at him. “That doesn’t mean much.” His gaze shifted, and he pointed at something over Stoick’s shoulder. “There!”

Stoick looked the direction Arvid pointed, and in the distance he could see smoke rising from the arena. And then, out of the smoke, the figure of the Nadder rose. He couldn’t see from this distance, but he knew Astrid would be on its back. He grit his teeth and growled and took off for the center of the village.

The dragons were leaving quickly, and Stoick knew the battle was all but over. There was a blast of purple light nearby, but as the dust cleared Stoick saw that the Night Fury’s blast had been a controlled explosion; the blast had sucked air away from the fire of a burning building, and sent dirt flying over the flames and helping to extinguish them. He looked up to see Hiccup and his dragon circling overhead.

Stoick would not have thought it possible to salute sarcastically, but somehow Hiccup managed it.

Xx

Freedom.

The wind whipping her braid, cold air in her lungs, and the warmth of Stormfly’s flank beneath her.

There was still a battle coming to a close below them, and Astrid would worry about it at some point, she would, but she needed this moment. Stormfly shrieked victoriously, delighted to be in the air again and reunited with her rider. She was a bit thinner than she should be, but otherwise unharmed. She had nearly alerted all of Berk from excitement when Astrid had come to break her out. In the chaos of the raid, made worse by Hiccup’s absence, no one had been there to guard her, and springing her had been much easier than Astrid had anticipated. There had been a close call with some of the men from Eret’s crew, but she knew Berk and its hiding spots better than these foreigners did, and it hadn’t been hard to slip out of their sight before they could catch her.

Hiccup had been watching from the shadows just in case, at any rate. As soon as she and Stormfly were safe to fly away he had gone to disrupt the raid. She and Stormfly had not stuck around to help him; Stormfly’s condition was unknown and they did not want to risk tiring her out, or risk Astrid being shot down again. Hiccup had made it clear in no uncertain terms that she was to get Stormfly and get out.

The show of dominance had been frustrating, annoying, and, if she was being honest, a little bit sexy.

It’d been a month. First her ribs had prevented certain physical activity, then the presence of three extra dragons, all intent on showing their loyalty by following her and Hiccup around, had limited their privacy. As happy as she was to see Stormfly, she was kicking all dragons out of their bedroom tonight.

Stormfly squawked and rolled in midair, making Astrid laugh. The dragon looked back at her and chirped happily. Astrid gave her a fond smile. Alright, fine, maybe not tonight. She’d kick all the dragons out of their bedroom tomorrow night.

“Happy to be back in the saddle, milady?” She looked up in time to see Hiccup and Toothless pull up beside them, Hiccup pushing his helmet back to reveal his face.

She beamed at him. “I’m happy to have her back safe.”

Hiccup’s smile softened. “I’m sorry we had to wait so long to get her.” From the look on his face, she could believe him.

“We had to be careful,” she admitted. “I’m just glad we’ve got her back now.” She patted Stormfly’s side, and her dragon trilled happily.

“Happy Birthday, Astrid,” she heard Hiccup say over the wind. She shot him a look.

“It’s not my birthday yet.”

He grinned. “It’s close enough.”

“This doesn’t mean you get out of giving me a birthday present.”

Hiccup frowned. “I’ve given you lots of birthday presents.”

Astrid shook her head, smiling mischievously. “You’ve given me lots of pre-birthday presents. I still expect something on the actual day.”

His smile shifted, and something about the look on his face promised her things that made her stomach curl. “Don’t worry, milady,” he said, “You’ll be getting lots of things on the actual day.”

Gods, she hoped so.

X

It had been a long day and a late night, full of rebuilding, reforging, repairing, resharpening, rebalancing, re-doing everything he’d finished in the last month’s respite.

And not a moment’s success in trying to talk to Stoick.

It was to be expected, really, the day after a bad raid. The chief had important things to do, and he’d surely be in no mood to listen to Gobber’s advice concerning one particular detail of that raid.

Well, at least no one had been seriously hurt. That was one small mercy in the midst of the chaos.

All that stood between Gobber and his bed now was a smithy that needed tidying up. Gobber yawned as he limped into the forge and reached for the hammer attachment he’d left on the corner of the table, only to find his hand closing on empty air. He yawned wider, considering skipping the cleaning and just going to bed, and groped blindly for the missing instrument.

“I put that away already.”

Gobber jumped, yelping.

“I put things back where I remembered them going, so sorry if you’ve reorganized since then.” Gobber’s hand covered his chest and his pounding heart as he glared at Hiccup, who was relaxing in a chair pulled up near the simmering fire, his boot against a table tipping his chair back precariously. “The place was a bit of a mess, I thought I’d clean it up some.”

Gobber glared. “You know, a bit of warning wouldn’t hurt. You don’t _have_ to wait in here like some nasty troll and scare me half to death every time you want to talk.”

Hiccup grinned. “Yeah, but it’s more dramatic and fun this way.” Gobber rolled his eyes.

“What d’you want?” he asked, closing and locking windows and doors to insure no one would hear or see something they weren’t supposed to.

“Needed a few things,” Hiccup said simply. “And needed to talk to you about a few more.”

“Care to be more specific?” Gobber asked, and took a swing at Hiccup’s chair leg with his own wooden leg, sending the boy off balance and scrambling not to fall backwards. Hiccup caught himself on a nearby table and glared.

“Yes, I—“

“Is this the right one?”

Gobber jumped and swung his missing arm, which tonight was fitted with only his mug attachment, at the intruder. Astrid ignored him; she was leaning out of the curtain that led to what had been Hiccup’s workroom and holding a piece of parchment in front of Hiccup’s face. Hiccup glanced at it and nodded. She stepped fully into the room and her eyes narrowed as they landed on Gobber. She rolled up the parchment and tucked it into an interior pocket in the cloak she wore.

“Astrid,” he breathed, and took a hesitant step towards her. She backed away and a little behind Hiccup’s chair. Hiccup looked tentatively between them, reaching for Astrid’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. Gobber stayed where he was. It was the first chance he’d gotten to really get a good look at Astrid. Every other time she’d been near there had been so much other chaos going on. She looked older than he remembered; not in any hugely noticeable way, but something about her just looked…more mature, maybe. She didn’t look quite as thin as he remembered either; she was probably eating better than she had been. Berk had been a bit strapped for food last autumn, and the Hofferson family never had much in the way of money. She looked healthy now, though. Of course, for all he knew she could be pregnant, and that could be the reason for her slight weight gain. From what he had gathered about the nature of their relationship it wasn’t impossible. But she looked alright, and that made Gobber breathe a sigh of relief. “I’ve been worried sick over you for months.”

Astrid’s expression hardened. “Funny how much everyone worried about me after I didn’t die like I was supposed to.”

“Astrid.” She pulled away from Hiccup’s touch, withdrawing into a corner, and it seemed, into herself. She crossed her arms and refused to look at either of them.

“I was against it,” Gobber entreated, feeling his chest tighten at the way Astrid seemed to close up. He’d seen her like that a lot, in the early days after Hiccup vanished, when she stopped being so bright and strong and determined, and turned instead into a traumatized young girl, filled with fear and guilt.  He remembered how she used to come into his forge and sit in Hiccup’s workroom, surrounding herself with memories of him as if she could torture herself into changing history. “From the beginning, I said we shouldn’t, that it wouldn’t work.”

“So what?” Astrid hissed. “You didn’t stop it.”

“Astrid.” Hiccup got up out of his seat and wrapped his hands around her arms, pulling her closer to him, and she seemed to soften the tiniest bit. “Hey,” he whispered, “Look, he wasn’t part of it, there wasn’t anything he could do. Please, just--”

“Can we just go?” Astrid interrupted, pulling out of his arms and turning her stony glare on him.

Hiccup’s hands hovered uselessly in the air for a moment. “In just a minute. Until then, can you please, just, not…” he trailed off, his hands waving awkwardly.

Astrid rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure,” she said, her voice a little higher than it should be. It was still odd, Gobber mused, seeing Hiccup so tall, and Astrid, a fairly tall girl herself, a good head shorter than him. These two so grown up and…together. Astrid gave Hiccup a look Gobber couldn’t quite read. “This just really isn’t what I wanted to be doing tonight.” Her eyebrows rose in a way that Gobber guessed was supposed to mean something to Hiccup, who ran a hand nervously through his hair.

“Well,” he started, his own voice sounding a bit strained, “The night is still young.”

“Not really,” Astrid said immediately. “It’s pretty late, actually. It’s going to be very late by the time we get home. I’ll want to go straight to bed. And straight to sleep.”

Ah, there it was. A whole lot said, just by adding that last sentence. Someone wasn’t keeping the missus happy.

Hiccup grimaced. “Astrid, I just need to finish up here, okay, this is important.”

“I know.”

“Astrid—“

“It’s fine,” she said, in a voice that clearly indicated it was _not_ fine. She pushed past Hiccup. “I’ll go find the rest of those blueprints. You hurry up and talk.”

Hiccup watched her go helplessly as she stomped back into his workroom.

“It’s hard for her to forgive us, isn’t it?”

Hiccup nodded and ruffled his hair. “She wants to, I think,” he began, frowning. “But…I think every time she tries, she just gets stuck back on what happened to her. It’s too hard for her to get past what happened.”

Gobber hummed. “Sounds familiar.” He sighed and scratched at his head. “What are y’doing back here, Hiccup?”

Hiccup dallied for a moment, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I need your help with something.”

Gobber sighed. “The last time you asked me for help with something, you told me it was going to help end the war. And yet, here we are, still in a war.”

“I know, I know,” Hiccup said, wincing. “Things didn’t quite work out the way I hoped they would, but—“

“And now you need my help with yet another mad scheme?”

Hiccup seemed to collapse in on himself as he fell back into his chair. “Look,” he said, “I don’t have the most concrete of plans when it comes to this whole thing. It’s…well, it’s just kind of a lot of new territory, you know?” Gobber nodded and Hiccup continued. “And I’ve got a few ideas, and I don’t really know how well any of them are going to work, but even assuming one does, I’m still going to need a man on the inside.”

“Meaning me?”

“Meaning you.” Hiccup’s expression shifted, and he suddenly looked more serious. “My dad won’t listen to me. It doesn’t matter what I do, or whose side I try to show I’m on. He’s not going to listen to me.” He took a deep breath. “But he might listen to you.”

Gobber started shaking his head. “I don’t like where this is going.”

“Gobber,” Hiccup pled, his hands reaching out. “Please, if I could just get my dad to listen, to even _start_ to listen to what I’m trying to say—“

“You mean, if _I_ could start getting your dad to listen to your crazy message that dragons are really a-okay and pleasant and friendly beasties?”

“Gobber, if I’m ever going to do this, I need your help.”

Gobber shook his head, backing away. “Hiccup, after everything that’s happened lately, I’m not sure I can keep helping you.” It broke his heart, the way Hiccup’s face fell, but he pushed on. “You’re asking me to believe in a plan I know nothing about, and to convince your hard-headed father of something _I’m_ not even fully convinced of, and to help you with something I don’t know will work or help anybody.” He sighed. “Your father is touchier on the subject of you than he’s ever been. The way he sees it, you really are dead and gone, and this man walking around with your face and your name might as well be someone else entirely.”

“Gobber—“

He looked away. “You were always like a son to me, Hiccup,” he said softly, “But my loyalty has to be to my chief, and to my village. I’m sorry.”

“ _Gobber_ —“

“Shh!” They both looked up as Astrid slipped back into the room, her eyes wide. “Someone’s coming!” she whispered. “We need to leave, now!” Everyone froze, and heavy footsteps sounded outside the forge. There was a knock at the front entrance.

“Gobber?” Stoick’s voice boomed in the still night. “Are you still up? I can see the glow of the fire? Didn’t leave it going by accident, did you?”

Hiccup and Astrid’s panicked eyes met his. Gobber waved towards the back door. “Out the back,” he whispered. “Hurry, go, I’ll keep him busy.”

They nodded, and Astrid started pulling Hiccup towards the exit.

“Hiccup,” Gobber whispered, stopping them. He hesitated. “My help stops here. I really am sorry.”

Hiccup nodded, crestfallen. “Yeah, me too.”

“Gobber? Have you locked the door?”

“Eh, coming, Stoick!” Gobber shouted, as Hiccup and Astrid slipped out the back and into the night. “I was just locking up for the night.”

He made a show of rattling the barrels and boxes in his way and the door’s lock until he was certain Hiccup and Astrid were at least out the door, and then opened the front door to let Stoick in.

“I’m sorry, Stoick, I wasn’t expecting anyone this late at night.”

“Aye, I know it’s late,” Stoick said, entering with a distant look on his face. “I just got something into my head and couldn’t get it out.” He walked past Gobber and into Hiccup’s workroom, causing Gobber momentary panic. He had no idea what Astrid had been doing or looking for back there.

“Eh, Stoick? What, eh, what can I help you with?” He followed Stoick as the big man crammed himself through the tiny door into the little workroom, which was lit only by a small candle which Astrid had left burning on the desk. For a moment Stoick paused, taking in the little room. Gobber wondered if he’d ever been in here since Hiccup disappeared. There was a brief moment where Stoick seemed to falter, and then his brow furrowed and he started going through things on the desk.

“Stoick, what’re you—“

“Looking for something,” Stoick mumbled, rifling through papers and blueprints. He paused, coming across two particularly damning pieces of parchment. On one, there were beautifully detailed sketches of a Night Fury, depicting it sleeping, playing, eating. On the other, was what appeared to be Hiccup’s initial designs for a, a—

“A prosthetic tail?” Gobber breathed, looking over the designs. He glanced back at the sketches of the dragon and noticed that it indeed was missing half of its tail, one tailfin was completely gone. Stoick spread the next few designs in the stack out on the table, and they could see the evolution of the design, the tailpiece itself, and then a saddle, and then a complicated rig involving foot pedals, used, it appeared, to control the motion of the artificial tailfin. “This is incredible,” Gobber said, pushing Stoick aside to get a better look at the blueprints. “That boy figured out how to do all this, at fifteen, with no help! And it works, clearly!”

“The dragon lost its tail when he shot it down,” Stoick said, his voice low and gruff. “That’s how he did it.”

“He built the beast a new tail, and figured out how to fly it. That’s why you never see the Night Fury flying without Hiccup on its back,” Gobber said, stroking his mustache pensively. “It _can’t_ fly without Hiccup to control the tailfin.”

Stoick was silent for a moment longer, just staring at the sketches and designs, and then he pushed them all in a pile to the side and kept sifting through the remaining pages. Finally, at the bottom of a stack in the corner, he seemed to find what he was looking for.

“Here,” he said, spreading out the parchment on the table. “This is how he did it.” Gobber remembered this device, another one of those harebrained Hiccup-y contraptions that just needed a few adjustments to the calibrations, and then it would _totally work_ , or so Hiccup kept insisting. Except, it seemed, this one actually had.

Gobber nodded. “That’s definitely the one he had that night. Must have been lost or destroyed in the battle, I never saw it again.”

“Can you build it?” The question caught Gobber off guard.

“What?”

“Can you build it?” Stoick repeated, nodding at the machine on the page. “You taught him everything he knows, I assume you can work out how he did it.”

For a moment Gobber wasn’t sure how to respond. “Why?” he managed finally.

Stoick didn’t look at him as he replied. “We know it can bring down a Night Fury.”

Again, Gobber was speechless. “We know that one kid with, apparently, the best eyesight ever, given that he shot an all-black, super fast dragon out of the night’s sky, managed to bring down a Night Fury with it, with what was probably the luckiest shot in history. That doesn’t mean we can replicate his success.”

“It’s our best shot, though,” Stoick countered. “Eret and his crew aren’t bad, but maybe with this—“

“Stoick,” Gobber interrupted. “Look, first you banish him, now you want to shoot him down? What good is this gonna do? And you saw what happened the other night before he showed up! Look, feelings on his methods aside, I think you have to admit at this point that Hiccup’s not _leading_ the attacks, he’s just trying to make them less destructive.”

Stoick’s eyes squeezed shut. “Would you stop callin’ him that?”

“No, I won’t!” Gobber pressed, even as Stoick twisted to the side, as if he could physically turn himself away from the truth. “Whether you like it or not, the Dragon Master is Hiccup, is your _son_. And maybe, if you would try to _talk_ to him—“

“I didn’t ask for your opinion Gobber, I asked if you could build the damn machine!” Stoick boomed, his voice magnified by the small space. Gobber stared at his chief for a few silent, tense moments. Stoick had that slightly manic look, the one Gobber had seen on his face during those first few raids or attempts to find the nest after Valka or Hiccup had been taken. He wasn’t thinking rationally about this.

“When Hiccup shot down the Night Fury with this thing,” Gobber began, speaking calmly and slowly, “It ripped its tail off. You really think you could shoot that thing down again and _not_ do serious, if not fatal, damage to the person riding it?”

Stoick didn’t reply for a moment, and then said quietly, “If we shoot close enough to the ground—“

“He never gets that close—“

“We’ll give him reason to.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

Stoick grit his teeth. “If it can bring down a Night Fury, it can at least bring down a Deadly Nadder.”

“You still risk someone getting killed!”

“We were willing to risk her life before.”

“Stoick!”

“We get one or both of them to the ground. We’ll worry about the rest of it from there.”

“Stoick!”

“Just build it,” Stoick growled, pushing the parchment into Gobber’s hand. “That’s an order.”

For a moment, his expression cracked, and Gobber could see the fear, the desperation, the pre-emptive guilt. A chief protects his own, Stoick used to say. A chief makes the hard choices, the unpopular and difficult decisions. Stoick’s eyes squeezed shut and he took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and avoided Gobber’s gaze. “We have to put an end to this, Gobber. One way or another. So just built the damn thing. Or I’ll find someone else who will.”

And he pushed his way out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Stoick. Just as traumatized and messed up as everyone else.
> 
> There are so many bad decisions in everyone's futures.


	32. If I Lose Myself Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m sorry this has taken so long to update. Writing takes time, and I don’t have much lately. I have adult responsibilities, I have a business to run. I have a boyfriend to spend time with. And uh…apparently sex is a lot harder to write about once you’re actually having it. Who knew.   
> But to make up for being so late this chapter is like 90 percent smut. You’re welcome. I’ve had this chapter planned out for months and yet it was super difficult to actually write. Once again, I’m never abandoning this fic. Don’t send me messages or leave reviews asking me if I’m continuing it. The answer will always be yes. Chapter title from the One Republic song “If I Lose Myself.”

They were pushing their luck and he knew it.  They couldn’t afford a baby right now, not with everything happening. This was no place to raise a child and having Astrid out of commission for months at a time would jeopardize everything they’d worked towards. He knew Astrid drank the herbal tea religiously, but even that wasn’t foolproof.

There were other solutions, of course, though he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. In the past he hadn’t let himself dwell on it. He did his part and trusted the girl would take care of anything that came up regardless. A fatherless bastard would have a hard time in this world and he wouldn’t wish that life on a child. To his knowledge the situation had never arisen, and of the few girls he’d had recurring relationships with, with each one there had been the implicit understanding that one way or another, no children would come out of this.

With Astrid, it was different. They weren’t equipped to care for a child right now, but something felt wrong to him about losing the chance to know even one of their children. And then there was the murky matter of how the gods felt about that sort of thing. Hiccup was torn between thinking that the gods seemed to hate him enough already without him angering them further, and wondering if it was even possible for him to anger them any further, in which case this wouldn’t sour their already negative opinion of him. Especially since it was uncertain if in their eyes he and Astrid counted as married.

His father had paid her parents before the sacrifice. The chief of the village had given her to him. And, though it took many months, it could technically be said that both bride and groom had consented to the wedding. They’d skipped most of the usual wedding fanfare, but when it came right down to it who knew which parts the gods considered essential.

What was certain was that the gods frowned on ending a legitimately conceived child.

He knew he loved her, he knew he wanted to father her children one day. He knew now was not the time for her to bear his children, no matter how much his heart ached for that day to arrive. He knew that they were not being nearly as careful as they should be.

He knew that in the heat of the moment, it was so very hard to care.

It was a glorious thing to see Astrid unguarded. She had always, even or perhaps especially in their youth, been a guarded, keep-to-herself type of person, who knew her point and purpose in life and had decided on it early, and who had contempt for those who had yet to figure out theirs. Little wonder then, that her first weeks with him had been so confusing for her. Everything she thought she was and was meant to do had been turned upside down. He knew from personal experience how jarring it was to have the traits one holds most dear inverted upon oneself. Astrid was one of the most loyal people he’d ever known, and she’d been betrayed by everyone she knew.

As a child he had admired her bravery, her fearlessness. To him it seemed nothing fazed her, and he had banked on that when he pushed her to the limit of courage, forgetting at the time that she was only fifteen, and every bit as susceptible to terror as he was, all to save his own skin. He still felt guilty about it sometimes, at the thought that she had spent so long traumatized, convinced that her failure had caused his death.

How he had shaken her life. The brave girl, shown true terror. The loyal warrior, betrayed. The independent woman, forced into submission.

Astrid’s arms lifted above her head, stretching and twisting as if reaching for something to hold onto. He thought momentarily about pinning them there, some girls liked that, but knew Astrid would not. The few times in the past he had done something similar the result had been the same: a slight widening of her eyes, a sudden stilling of her body and a hitch in her breath, none of them positive. She never seemed entirely conscious of the reaction, and afterward tried to wave it away, as if she too wanted to forget it existed. He had apologized and she had forgiven, but there were fears she had spent too long imagining as a certainty. Perhaps it was easier for the heart to forgive than it was for the body to forget.

There had been so far only two occasions, random and spaced months apart, where she had awoken in the middle of the night almost screaming, thrashing and whimpering and scared. He had pulled her into his arms, calmed her and comforted her, and she soon fell back asleep, the whole ordeal lasting no longer than a couple of minutes. In the morning, she had no recollection of any of it and accused him of dreaming it. The next time it happened he made no mention of it.

For the most part it was little things, so small he wasn’t sure she was even aware of them. Things like the widening of her eyes if he held her wrist too tightly or restrained her in any way during their lovemaking. Sometimes Toothless would approach her quietly from a certain angle, enough to enter just her periphery, and she would spin too quickly his direction, shoulders tense for a moment before she relaxed and greeted him fondly.

Some scars weren’t visible, and took much, much longer to heal. She had some of them because of him, and he’d decided to spend his life trying to ease them away.

Astrid’s head tilted back and he bent down, placing kisses all up and down her neck and nuzzling the underside of her jaw. He was rewarded with a little moan and her arms coming to wrap around his shoulders and pull him close. He kissed the shell of her ear and whispered, “I love you,” before biting his lip lest he ruin the potency of the confession with his usual senseless rambling.

She made no verbal reply but her hand slid into his hair and tugged gently at the little braids she’d placed there. A moment of carding his hair later she gasped out, “When we’re done remind me to cut your hair. It’s getting a little too long.”

It wasn’t the same as an ‘I love you’, but it had the same effect. It was just as indicative of her care, of her devotion, and so utterly _wifey_ that he burst into laughter, burying his face against her neck. That set Astrid giggling, and finally their laughter got so bad he had to stop moving for a moment while they caught their breath. Then, just when they had calmed down, he met her eye and it set them both off again.

He kissed her soundly and started rocking into her again, her still giggling, and every time it seemed like her laughter had completely ceased, he would make a weird face and she’d burst into laughter again. Hiccup didn’t think he’d ever seen her look more beautiful. Her hair was a tangled mess across the pillow and strands were sticking to her bright pink cheeks, caught in the tears now streaming from her eyes, and laughter and gasps in turn escaping her wide smiling lips. She was still fighting giggles when he sent her over the edge, her laughter cut off by a sudden sharp gasp which melted at last into a happy sigh.

He wasn’t far behind her, and watching her come had coiled everything tighter. When she recovered Astrid gave him an utterly sinful look, lids low over bright eyes, lips just slightly parted…then broke it completely by sticking out her tongue, and that did it. He only just managed to pull out in time, and choked out a sound something between a groan and laugh, which must have sounded ridiculous because Astrid starting laughing again.

He collapsed beside her, exhausted but happier than he had felt in a long time. Beside him Astrid sighed in annoyance and he opened his eyes to see her wiping off her stomach. “How many times, aim for the blankets, not for me.”

“It’s wash day anyway,” he mumbled. Astrid shot him a look, but her lips still held the hint of a smile.

“It’s wash day, which means we have to wash the bedding anyway too.” She balled up the blanket she’d used to wipe them both off and deposited it on his chest. “You can wash this one,” she said with a smile, and kissed him. He tossed the sheet aside and pulled her down on top of him. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his torso.

Their eyes met and he smiled warmly. “Happy Birthday, Astrid.” She beamed at him.

XX

The comb moved smoothly through her hair and her fingers followed its motion, reveling in the feeling of clean, soft hair. Astrid sighed happily. This was one of her favorite parts of wash day: being again able to run her fingers through her hair and feeling it move and sway. She sighed again and shivered. The fire was burning low, but she hadn’t bothered to add more wood to it. It was getting late and she would be warmed up by other means soon enough, and the cool cavern air would be welcome soon after.

She pretended not to hear the quiet footsteps approaching behind her, or feel the soft dip of the pillows as someone crouched down behind her. She bit her lip against a smile. A second passed and a soft kiss dropped onto the base of her neck. A hand rose from behind her to take the comb from her hand and set it down beside the bed. The hand returned to her hair, combing through it, as another curled around her waist, drawing her back into Hiccup’s embrace as he kissed the exposed side of her neck. He was shirtless and warm, not long from the bath himself, and she could feel the heat of his skin through the thin silk shift she wore.

His hands found the hem of her shift and she moved away from him just long enough for him to pull it over her head. She turned to look at him then, at his soft smile and the smoldering look in his eyes he reserved only for her. She shivered and he reached for her, drawing her into his arms and his warmth. She wrapped her arms around his back and sighed against his lips. She loved this; she loved feeling his smooth, warm skin beneath her palms, surrounding her body, against her mouth.

He laid her down gently and her heart picked up its pace in anticipation. Hiccup drew back, holding himself over her and looking down at her with an expression she couldn’t quite read. He looked at her like he was studying her, like she was a mystery he couldn’t quite work out.

“What?” Astrid asked quietly.

The corners of his mouth quirked and Hiccup shook his head. “You,” he said, smile growing, and bent down to kiss her again. He settled his weight on top of her, his arms snaking under her back to hold her tightly against him. They kissed slowly, savoring breath on cheeks and warm hands drawing patterns on backs. After a long moment Hiccup drew back and looked at her with eyes that burned in the dying firelight. He held her gaze as he lowered his head and swirled the tip of his tongue over one sensitive nipple. Astrid gasped, the motion thrusting her chest upward and into his waiting, smiling mouth. His lips closed over her nipple and she cried out. A tortuous moment later he released her, dropping one final kiss to the pink bud before moving on to the other one and starting her delicious torture anew.

He didn’t linger there long, and returned to her lips for a passionate kiss that was all too brief before kissing down her body, his eyes never once leaving hers. Her breath quickened as his hands parted her thighs and his breath ghosted over her. She watched; her heart pounding as he kissed down her inner thigh and hovered for an agonizing moment, his breath teasing her, before his mouth was on her. His tongue slid inside her and she gasped, throwing her head back. He kissed her as he would her mouth, the movements of his tongue making her tremble and squirm. His eyes met hers for just a moment before he closed his lips over her clit and Astrid’s hips bucked off the bed and she grabbed a fistful of his hair.

She panted, her eyes cast to the darkened ceiling. The fire had burned down to little more than embers now, though the fire between her legs was being stoked by every flick of Hiccup’s tongue. One long finger slid into her and Astrid shuddered. She didn’t have to look to see Hiccup’s smirk. He stroked her for only a moment before a second finger joined the first. She cried out, her legs jerking and tightening instinctively around his head. His fingers thrust again, the sensation unusually strong and the moan from her lips unusually loud. The sound must have pleased him, because he repeated the motion, a twisting thrust of his fingers that perpetuated and amplified her sharp cries. He rubbed at something inside her and she nearly screamed and pulled out his hair, her free hand flying to his arm to grip it so tightly she half feared she’d hurt him. She’d pulled her legs up over his shoulders and tight around his head, and he reached his free hand up to gently grope her breast.

“Come for me,” he growled, and Astrid almost wanted to slap him. That morning he’d made her come with a parade of goofy, thoroughly unsexy faces; it wasn’t fair that he could turn that ridiculous, nasally voice into something husky and sexy and make her want to—

A twist and press of his fingers, a flick of his tongue, and her screams were echoing off the cave walls.

“Shh,” she heard Hiccup saying, as if she had any control over any action of her body at the moment. “The dragons will think I’m hurting you.” She’d have laughed if she had the breath for it. Finally her body stopped shaking and Hiccup withdrew his fingers. She could barely see him now; the fire was all but gone, and little moonlight filtered in through distant skylights. She heard a rustling and knew Hiccup was removing the rest of his clothes. Once she was sure he had tossed them all aside she reached a wobbly hand towards his groin, only to find to her pleasant surprise that he was already hard.

She stroked him lazily, stalling for time until she could catch her breath.

“Are you going to be able to keep going?” Hiccup choked, his hips starting to rock involuntarily into her touch.

“Not sure,” Astrid whispered. “I think you killed me. I’m dead.”

Suddenly hands were under her back and she was being hauled up, into Hiccup’s lap. She released him as he settled her against him, rubbing gently against her. “Are you sure?” came his whispered reply. “Because surely I can do something to bring you back.” It was so dark that she could only barely make out the silhouette of his features as her eyes adjusted to the gloom. The cave was growing frigid now, and the lack of heat and light only intensified her other senses. The heat of Hiccup’s chest and lap against hers contrasted with the cold air at her back had her growing needy again already. Hiccup bent down to kiss her neck and it was so much _more_ than usual. Sound, smell, taste, _touch_ ; everything was so much stronger in the dark.

He pulled away from her neck as she lifted her hips, an obvious invitation he did not miss. Astrid wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her eyes closed and her whole body trembling with anticipation as Hiccup reached between them. There was some fumbling; it was dark, he was distracted and she was almost too wet, but after a moment she felt that first hot inch and sank eagerly down on him. They both shuddered, and Hiccup’s arms rose to pull her close and hold her tightly to him. For a moment they simply held each other close, foreheads touching and hot breath mingling in the cold air between them.

“I love you,” Hiccup whispered, his voice strangled. “So much.”

Astrid barely had the wherewithal to mumble a reply, but found the strength to begin to move. Their soft moans were the only sound in the cave as she slid up and down on him. She couldn’t see him, but she didn’t need to. His hands on her back, his kisses against her cheek, his gasps against her skin; that was all she needed to know his devotion.

“Let me try something,” Hiccup rasped, and lifted her off of him. She groaned in complaint but he maneuvered her carefully, spinning her around and pulling her back onto his lap, spreading his own legs so hers could slide between them. The cold air against her front was unwelcome, but she only had a moment to think about it before he was inside her again, the new position made for a much tighter fit, and once he had sunk to the hilt she couldn’t be bothered to think about the cold. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her back against his chest, one arm crossed over her breasts and the other applying hard, pulsing pressure to that sensitive bud between her legs. She gripped his arms and moaned, the only motions she seemed capable of once he started rocking into her.

It was only the two of them in the darkness; nothing else mattered. The rest of the world fell away, leaving just the two of them, their moans, the sound of skin meeting skin, and the heat of two bodies meeting so intimately they felt like one.

War didn’t exist in the darkness. There was no conflict, no divided loyalties or betrayal or fear.

The heat between them mounted, their love burning so brightly it consumed them, frantic hands grabbed at sweat-soaked skin, voices echoed off distant cave walls until broken, exalted cries mingled in the air in time with the last desperate meeting of bodies.

A whispered name, a mumbled declaration of love, and they fell together into the furs, still connected, still holding tightly to one another, unwilling to let the moment of oneness end.

The cold air tickled their skin as awareness and exhaustion filtered in. Astrid shivered and Hiccup reached blindly for a blanket to pull over them. The rest of the world still felt so far away; nothing could touch them in this moment. Hiccup’s breath was hot on her ear and she could feel his heart still racing in his chest.

“I love you,” she whispered, her hand finding his and tangling their fingers together. “I love you so much it scares me.”

“Why?” Hiccup replied.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” she admitted sleepily. Such words felt easier to say in the darkness and the afterglow. “I don’t think I could stand it. And…” she yawned. “I love you so much I know you could really break my heart.”

There was a barrage of kisses on her ear and cheek. “I won’t ever let that happen,” Hiccup said fiercely, his arms tightening around her. “I’ve hurt you too much already; I won’t ever hurt you again if I can help it.”

Astrid smiled, sleep pulling her under and she snuggled against him. “I know you won’t.”

Xx

Gobber hesitated in front of the door before opening it. Inside he found exactly what he had been expecting: his chief, seated at the table and bent over a pile of scattered parchment, reading by the too-dim light of a dying candle flame. Gobber sighed and trundled over to take a seat beside his friend.  Stoick made no acknowledgement of his presence.

“When was the last time you got any sleep?” Gobber asked flatly, noting the deep bruises and heavy bags under the chief’s eyes.

Stoick flipped over a piece of parchment in front of him but didn’t look up. “No time for that. The dragons don’t sleep, so neither can I.”

Gobber’s bitter bark of laughter did at least earn him a glance. “Hah! I’m fairly sure the dragons _do_ sleep, actually. Most living things need sleep to survive, including you. And if the dragons have time to sleep, then so do you.”

“The dragons don’t have to plan, I do,” Stoick growled, his voice sounding hoarse. “I’ll sleep when Berk is safe.”

“I would say that I hope you don’t mean that literally because that could kill you, but I’m starting to think you do mean it literally.” He leaned closer, trying to draw Stoick’s attention to the worry on his face. “Stoick, you have _got_ to get some sleep, _especially_ if you’re trying to plan anything. You look like you haven’t slept in days, no one has seen you eat at the Great Hall lately, and Thor knows it doesn’t look like there’s been any cookin’ done here. You’re under a lot of stress and you’re not taking care of yourself, and it shows. You haven’t been yourself in a while now and it’s only getting worse.”

Stoick turned a glare on him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped. “Are you saying you think I’ve gone mad?”

Gobber matched the glare. There were times that Stoick scared him, but especially when he wasn’t himself, but those were often the times he most needed someone to knock some sense into him, and no one else on the island would be brave enough to try. “I’m not saying you’ve gone mad, but with the way you’ve been acting lately it’s clear that you may well be on your way there.”

Stoick swelled, his shoulders rising and chest puffing out in an action that made him look bigger and usually intimidated those who didn’t know him well, but before he could start yelling Gobber cut him off.

“Half the things you’re doin’ lately don’t make a lick of sense. First you banish Hiccup, and then he shows up again and you’re talking about shooting him down?”

“I told him that if he ever came here again—“

Gobber threw up his arms. “And what does that solve, exactly? Hmm?” He met Stoick’s eyes and held his gaze. “What good does it do anyone to shoot him down? He could die, Stoick, remember?”

Stoick looked away. “We have to do something.”

“Thor almightly, Stoick, you’re usually smarter than this. We’ve had this conversation before, haven’t we?”

“Have you built it?”

Gobber rolled his eyes. “Stoick—“

“Have you built it?” Stoick asked again, firmer this time.

Gobber sighed. “I’ve built it, mostly to the specifications, but with some adjustments.”

“Adjustments?”

“It was designed by a fifteen year old apprentice. A damn clever fifteen year old apprentice, but a fifteen year old apprentice nonetheless. There were design flaws to be fixed, calibrations to be adjusted, and I may have changed a few things here and there that might make it less lethal.”

Stoick nodded, apparently thinking, though the wild look that had settled into his eyes of late was still there and adding fuel to the fire of Gobber’s concern.

“I still don’t see what good this does. You remember the last raid, Stoick, it was chaos until Hiccup showed up.” He shook his head. “If that’s not proof he’s helping instead of leading the attacks then I don’t know what is.”

“Then what do _you_ suggest we do?” Stoick asked, exasperated, glaring at Gobber.

Gobber sat back in his chair and regarded Stoick with a neutral expression. “I suggest you and Hiccup talk.” Stoick began to scoff but Gobber pushed through. “And I mean _really_ talk,” he pressed, “Not yell, not accuse, not loudly verbalize twenty years worth of familial issues; _talk._ Sit down together, leader to leader, and discuss the dragon problem and what can be done about it, civilly.”

Stoick shook his head. “Won’t do any good. Even if I was willing Hic--the Dragon Master would never agree to it.”

“Funnily enough he said the same thing about you.”

That got Stoick’s attention. His eyes widened and he leaned closer to Gobber, his expression caught somewhere between betrayal and curiosity. “You’ve spoken to him?”

Gobber toed at a loose floorboard with his peg leg. “He stopped by to see me after the last raid. Wanted my help with some big plan he has for ending the war with the dragons, once and for all. I told him that with everything going on between the two of you, I had to be loyal to the village, to you. And besides that I didn’t think there was anything I could do to help, except maybe second Astrid’s suggestion that you two stubbornass boneheaded mules sit down and talk to each other for once.”

Stoick settled back in his seat, tired, wild eyes thoughtful.  “Some big plan, eh? Maybe it’s the path he’s taken so far, but something tells me whatever plan he has in mind, it’s not likely to make much of a difference.”

It was the closest to amenable Gobber had seen Stoick in a while and he scooted his chair closer.

“Or maybe it would,” he said gently. “You won’t know until you talk to him. What’s the worst that could come of that?”

Stoick sighed, deflating into a tired, sane-looking lump in his chair and just as he opened his mouth to speak something small and loud came soaring in through an upstairs window. Both men leapt to their feet, Stoick reaching for the sword that was never far from his side, and in the dim candlelight they caught sight of a small Terrible Terror circling the rafters.

“Dragon!” Stoick shouted, and jumped onto the table, nearly knocking over the candle, and attempting to swing at the beast.

“Stoick, wait!” Gobber shouted. The Terrible Terror was out of Stoick’s reach but swooped down just long enough to drop a roll of parchment into Gobber’s good hand. It squawked, Stoick swung, and the Terror bolted upstairs and out the window again.

“Is a raid starting?” Stoick said, panicked, and jumped off the table to throw open the front door on the peacefully sleeping village of Berk. “What the—“

“Stoick,” Gobber said, having unrolled the parchment and started reading it. “Speaking of talking to Hiccup, I think you might want to see this.”

Stoick turned on his heel, dropped his sword on the table, and nearly ripped the parchment out of Gobber’s hands. He fell into his seat and Gobber stood behind him, reading over his shoulder. The further he read, the more Stoick’s fingers dug into the parchment, crinkling and crunching the page.

Gobber reached the end first and looked at his friend. “Stoick,” he began, his tone one of warning. Stoick slammed the parchment down on the table and stood.

“Is that it?” he boomed, stomping around the table to stab at the embers in the fireplace. “ _That’s_ his big plan?! _That’s_ what he wants us to do?!”

“Stoick—“

“Just talk to him, just talk to him, eh?” Stoick tossed the poker to the floor and glared at Gobber. “He may claim not to be on anyone’s side but that sounds an awful lot like taking the dragon’s side to me.”

“Stoick,” Gobber tried again.

Stoick snatched the letter from the table again and looked at it. “Did you even read this, Gobber? He wants us not to fight back? Not even defend ourselves? Focus instead on getting people to safety, on defense, not fighting back unless we absolutely have to? And this, this.” Stoick laughed, an indignant, incredulous thing devoid of humor. “He wants us to prepare an offering of food to be brought out when the dragons arrive. Prepare an offering!” He tossed the letter aside. “What, are the dragons our new gods?”

“Look, I agree there’s some flaws in this plan,” Gobber said, stooping to pick up the letter from where it had fallen on the floor. “But his intention seems pretty clear.”

“That it does,” Stoick growled. “He wants us to give up, roll over and accept our fate as we let the dragons destroy our home.”

Gobber sighed. “ _Or_ , he’s trying to come up with a short term, easy to implement plan to reduce the violence and bloodshed. He’s not saying we can’t defend ourselves if a dragon is coming straight at someone, just that we shouldn’t strike back or antagonize them if we don’t have to. And he mentions that quantity matters more than quality in the offering, so we could put out our weakest, sickest livestock and hide the rest. The whole point of that to make it simple for the dragons to get what they came for without needing to burn down any buildings or harm anyone to get to it.” Gobber shrugged. “It wouldn’t work forever but it might reduce the risk of all our crops being raized before we can harvest them.”

“And we’re supposed to trust him that it will work at all?” Stoick asked, his voice still too loud for the quiet empty house. He shook his head. “Yes, the dragons might take the lovely picnic we set out for them and leave, or they might snatch up our offering, look around at our total lack of resistance, and then raid our unprotected village for the rest of the food.” There was a finality to the shake of his head this time. “No, for all we know this is a trap.”

Gobber groaned. “Well you know how we could determine if this wasn’t a trap? By talking to Hiccup.”

Stoick went still for a moment, his eyes on the fire. “We can’t talk to him on his own terms.”

Gobber raised half a hairy unibrow. “What d’you mean by that?”

Stoick pointed at the letter. “That’s the kind of thing he’ll tell us if we’re talking to him on his terms. Protect the dragons, lay down and die. Risk destroying the whole village for the sake of a few beastly reptiles. It’s clear where his loyalties lie.”

“Stoick—“

“So we need to talk to him on _our_ terms.”

Gobber did not like the tone Stoick’s voice had taken. It was that same deep, low, almost _soft_ rumble he used before a battle, or before he dealt a deadly blow, or when he had a plan in mind that would lead them to victory. It was a rumble that meant his mind was made up, and his mind right now was not stable enough for anything it settled on to be good. It was this kind of rumble that had approved the plan to sacrifice Astrid Hofferson.

His blue-green eyes were blazing when he next turned them on Gobber. “You’re right, we can’t risk killing the Dragon Master by shooting him down. But we need to get him on the ground. We need to be able to talk to him.”

Gobber shook his head.  “And we can’t just send him an invitation?”

“I told you,” Stoick said, gathering up the loose parchment on the table into a neat stack. “We need to talk to him on our terms. I’m not convinced of where his loyalties lie, and even if what he’s said is true, I’m not sure I believe he’s got a plan that could really end the war for good.” Stoick crossed to the desk in the corner and stowed the parchment in a drawer before looking up at Gobber with wild, war-ready eyes. “But I think he’s got information that could. Information he may not give us if we’re talking to him on his terms. So that’s why we talk to him on ours.”

“And we’re gonna do that how, exactly? And what even are ‘our terms’?” Gobber asked again, following his chief around the room as he tidied up. “You just said we can’t take the risk of shooting him down, but we have to get him off his fancy super fast dragon and onto solid ground, and we are going to do that how?”

“You said you made some changes to that contraption that makes it less lethal?”

“Potentially, yes, but we’ve agreed we can’t shoot Hiccup. We can’t risk killing him.”

There was so much and yet, so very very little, of the man Gobber had been friends with in Stoick’s eyes when he replied, “I told you before, it’s not him we have to shoot down. There’s more than one way to get his attention.”

X

Her back felt stiff and she shifted, trying to get comfortable. It made no difference so she reluctantly pulled herself out of Hiccup’s arms, yawning. Astrid twisted her back until she heard the bones crack and felt the tension release. She sighed and sat up, light coaxing her eyes open. Dawn had broken; there was light beginning to come in through the holes in the cave ceiling, and at some point in the night Hiccup had gotten up to rekindle the fire. It burned low, but it was heat enough to warm their small section of the cave.

Astrid stretched, shaking out sore muscles so she could more comfortably go back to sleep, and when her arms dropped the light caught on something on her left hand. She raised it and stared at the third finger.

Gold, carved with intricate patterns and symbols, and fitting her perfectly, a ring encircled her finger. It fit so well she hadn’t even noticed she was wearing it. It was beautiful; the craftsmanship beyond comprehension. How had he fit such complicated shapes into so small a space?

She looked to Hiccup, still asleep beside her, and then noticed something on the ground beside the bed. There was a small wooden box sitting on a square of linen. In the box the wood was carved to hold two rings. One spot was empty, the other contained a ring identical to her own in design but larger in size.

The question was obvious: take one out or put one back in. The choice was hers to make; Hiccup had already made his. Astrid stared at the ring in the box until her vision blurred with tears. Then, slowly, her hands shaking, she reached into the box and drew out the other ring. She held it reverently, admiring the beauty of its making, of its meaning. Then she pulled Hiccup’s left hand from beneath the blankets and slipped the ring on his finger.

She bent down and kissed it, then placed his hand back on the bed. She snuggled down into the covers and wrapped her arms around Hiccup. He yawned and snaked his around her. Astrid buried her head into his chest and let sleep overtake her, safe in her husband’s arms.

x

When they both awoke some hours later, their eyes and smiles met and their hands, the ones wearing matching rings, rose to clasp each other. Smiles grew into grins and they kissed happily and pulled each other close.

There were no words; no vows. Everything worth saying had already been said. All promises worth making had already been made.

 


	33. Calculated Risks and Bad Math

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY LOOK I'M BACK. WITH GOOD NEWS: I finally managed to distance myself from this fic and the anxiety its very existence were causing long enough to finish writing it. There are probably ten more chapters, but I have them all written and just need to finish typing and editing them. Do you know what that means?
> 
> WE'RE GOING BACK TO WEEKLY UPDATES, Y'ALL. Yeah, I know. 
> 
> My life is the same chaos it has been since I opened my own business, so my free time is incredibly limited. I'm going to try to put some info up on my profile about ways you can help me be less broke if you are so inclined. Or on my tumblr profile (thatsnicebutimmarried). Oh and hey: this is your daily reminder that everyone in this story is screwed up as hell and not making the best decisions right now. This does not equate to my hating any of them. I probably have other things to say but right now I just want to get this published and move on with my day.
> 
> I gave up on the chapter title okay, I just gave up.

This night was the complete opposite of the night before.

Astrid had spent the previous night entwined in her lover’s embrace-in her _husband’s_ embrace-diving into cool darkness together and making their own heat. Tonight, the heat came from burning trees and buildings.

Hiccup hadn’t wanted her to come with him; after what had happened on Berk before he didn’t want her anywhere near the island. But the swarm of dragons they’d seen heading towards Berk that night had been larger than usual, and with the wild dragons that had taken up residence with them loyally attempting to follow Hiccup and Toothless back to Berk, Hiccup had reluctantly let her come along if for no other reason than to try to keep those three out of the fight.

The conditions had been simple: she was to stay well away from the village, high up and far out of range of any weapons. It made her mostly useless; she could chase off dragons who tried swooping back down on the village after taking to the skies for more speed, but she could do little to interfere in the actual fight.

It was a disappointing end to her day, and a disappointing beginning to what would technically be her honeymonth. They’d shared a day of cuddles and kisses and laughter and generally shameless flirting, but all that felt like a different day than the chaos she now circled. Hiccup and Toothless were diving in and out of the fray, but Astrid found herself on the far edge of the village, too high for bolas or nets, trying to ward off a particularly determined Monstrous Nightmare. It was almost quiet this far out; the main conflict was concentrated in the center of town or over the eastern farms. Stormfly finally gave the Nightmare a good enough smack across the nose that it gave up and winged away into the distance. Astrid breathed a sigh of relief. At least she was doing some good out here.

She heard a disturbingly familiar _thwack_ , and seconds later Stormfly screeched and they lurched. Astrid looked down to see a bola had wrapped around Stormfly’s legs and tail, pinning them together. “Easy, girl, easy!” Astrid yelled, trying to hold tight to the saddle as Stormfly spun towards the ground, her wings flapping frantically in an attempt to right herself. Astrid looked for the source of the bola, and spotted Eret on a nearby hillside behind a strange looking device, similar to the ones she’d seen shoot nets, but smaller and sleeker.

Stormfly lifted the spikes on her tail and they cut through some of the ropes, but just then there was another _thwack_ and a second bola ensnared her legs and tail, tangling around raised spikes and further throwing off Stormfly’s flight. They were hurtling towards the ground, spinning quickly, Stormfly in a panic. Astrid held tight, trying to help Stormfly steady herself, but the weapon fired a third time and yet another bola wrapped around Stormfly’s legs.

“Steady, Stormfly, steady! Steady!” Astrid braced herself as their flight spun out of control and they hit the ground, Stormfly grabbing at the dirt with her talons and flapping her wings in an attempt to regain her balance and avoid completely crashing. It was still a rough landing, but they’d had worse. Stormfly teetered on bound legs and tipped to the side, Astrid rolling off her back and down her wing onto the ground.

There were shouts, and Astrid looked up to see men and women running their direction. She scrambled to her feet, thankful this landing hadn’t injured her like their last crash had, and was nearly knocked off her feet by Stormfly’s wing. Her dragon was panicking, struggling against the ropes that bound her, trying to cut through them with her tail spikes and gnashing at them with her teeth.

“Stormfly, calm down, calm down!” Astrid tried to step closer only to narrowly miss another wing. Stormfly was trying to turn herself over, or else take off, or perhaps she was simply too panicked to keep still, Astrid wasn’t sure. Stormfly’s pupils were slits, and she wasn’t listening to Astrid’s attempts to calm her or get close enough to cut the ropes. Her knife was still at her side but her axe was still affixed to the saddle. “Stormfly!” She shouted again, knowing that her own panic would just magnify her dragon’s but unsure what else to do. A smell hit her, and she noticed the ropes appeared oily, as if they’d been soaked in something. Something to keep them from burning probably, or…Hiccup had mentioned that some plant species could cause erratic behavior in dragons. If the trappers were using oils from those plants…

They’d landed outside the village but people were approaching quickly, and if she couldn’t get Stormfly back in the air… “Stormfly you have to calm down! It’s me, just let me help!”

“There! Get them, hurry!” Astrid turned to see the group of people, comprised of villagers and trappers, less than 20 yards away from them. Her eyes widened.

“Stormfly, we have to—“ she turned back to her dragon just in time to see the wing headed right for her face.

Pain blasted through her forehead followed by a crack and an explosion of pain in her neck as the blow snapped her head to the side and she was knocked to the ground. New pain blossomed in the back of her head as she hit the ground and everything went white and red and blue and green and finally black.

…distantly she could hear shouting. Not again…she thought, even though she didn’t even fully understand why she was thinking that. Not again what? Someone or something grabbed her and pulled her off the ground, jostling her neck and sending pain shooting from the base of her neck all the way up and around to the front of her head. She groaned, or at least tried to. Someone—she was sure now that it was a person—held her up until her feet were planted on the ground, although if she was standing under her own power or just being propped up by whoever held her she couldn’t say. Her head throbbed in two different places and her neck hurt to move. The world was spinning, spinning, spinning….like it did when she was a little girl and spun in circles until she fell down and let the world keep doing the circles for her. She could see but nothing would stay still long enough for her to really see what was happening.

There was shouting, so much of it. And Stormfly was still screeching somewhere nearby. Hiccup. Where was Hiccup? He’d been on the other side of the island when she last saw him. Where was he now? Was he okay?

Was she okay? Astrid wasn’t sure if she was walking or being dragged, but she and whoever had hold of her were moving slowly.  She tried to what was going on, who was holding her, where even was she…was she still on Berk? That’s where she’d been, right? Or had they left…Thinking hurt. Trying to remember details hurt. Her head was pounding and while part of her understood what was going on, trying to consciously think about it just made the pounding worse. They stopped moving just in time for her legs to give out from the lack of balance.

Astrid tried to focus her eyes on what was happening in front of her, but it was like being drunk and hungover all at once and the world wouldn’t stay still long enough, spinning wildly in front of her like scenes in strips of tapestries. Finally a pass revealed a glimpse of Hiccup and Toothless, on the ground nearby with Hiccup dismounted and wielding his fiery sword. Hiccup….they were okay. They would be….why was he on the ground? She squinted, trying to straighten her vision, when the person holding her jerked her up and pulled her hair back, wrenching her neck and sending fresh pain through her whole head.

He said something, whoever was holding her, and she recognized the voice but through the pain could identify neither the voice nor the words. She felt something cold press against her neck. She tried to move and the object bit into her skin. She hissed in pain and closed her eyes. She tried to pull herself together, find herself so she could figure out what was happening and what she needed to do, but closing her eyes only tempted her into slipping into the darkness of unconsciousness. She swayed, the person holding her pulled her back and she pulled open her eyes.

Another familiar voice was saying something. Astrid tried to fix her vision on Hiccup. She made an anchor of his face; trying to hold to that one point while everything else swirled around him. She didn’t like the look on his face. She didn’t like that expression. That wasn’t a good expression…..it wasn’t good that she could see his expression. Why wasn’t he wearing his helmet? Berk knew by now of course but why would he….the thing bit into the skin of her throat again and she saw his face twist with fear.

…somewhere, in the back of her mind, behind the pain and confusion, she realized what was happening. She couldn’t put conscious thought to the fear that made her stomach lurch at that realization, but some part of her understood enough to make her try to call out his name, to try to tell him no, not to do this. Her lips moved wordlessly, the very thought required to try to produce sound sending pain ripping along her skull.

Hiccup looked…apologetic, maybe, as he lowered and extinguished his blade.  Toothless roared but Hiccup lifted a hand to stop him, and Astrid watched in confused, uncomprehending terror, as the villagers converged upon him. She tried one last time to force her body into motion, only for the person holding her to pull her back. Her head hit a metal breastplate, and this time, when the inviting darkness tried to pull her down, she didn’t have the strength left to fight it.

Xx

Pain and yelling woke her up. Pain caused by the yelling, to be more specific. Astrid blinked up at the wood ceiling and tried to make sense of the vast noise filling the small space.

“You could have killed her!”

“We were actively trying not to kill her, for the last time! All precautions were taken and everything went according to plan! Eret said she was fine when they landed. It was her damn dragon that panicked and knocked her out!”

“Will you two stop yelling?”

Small, cool hands curled under Astrid’s braid and prodded gently at her neck. She was laying down, Astrid realized. On a bed, no less. There was a pillow beneath her, and a soft mattress. The small fingers inspected her neck and Astrid winced as they poked at something sore. One of the hands left her neck.

“She says it’s not broken, thank Thor, just knocked out of alignment in a bad way.”

“The wing hit her at an angle,” said a new voice, a softer, less angry voice, from the back of the room. “Snapped her head to the side, probably gave her whiplash like hell. No wonder she’s been so dizzy and out of it.”

“Gothi says she’s dizzy and out of it because she’s got a concussion.”

“Well, I mean, that too. But ma’am I’ve seen injuries like that happen to my men before a hundred times. Most make a full recovery in no time.”

“You shot my child out of the sky, can you please just shut up?”

“Ma’am, I promise I knew what I was doing and I wouldn’t have let her sustain serious injury.”

The second small hand returned to her neck. They lifted her head just slightly off the pillow, and Astrid caught a glimpse of a wizened, wrinkly face before those small hands wrenched her head to one side with a crack she could feel all the way down to her toes. Astrid barely had time to recover from the surprise before her head was wrenched the other direction, her neck responding with an even louder pop. When the hands centered and rested her head back on the pillow, Astrid realized the pain at the base of her neck was all but gone and fading quickly. She exhaled, her whole body relaxing and the confusion starting to clear just a little.

“That sounded horrible,” said a voice Astrid now recognized as belonging to her mother.

“Bet it felt amazing, though,” chirped Gobber’s voice. “A pinched nerve in the back of the neck can make you feel all kinds of awful. Gothi’s had to fix me up before. Instant relief, that is.”

“Hardly does anything for the concussion, though does it,” snapped Ingrid.

“Gothi says she’ll be okay after some rest, Ingrid. Which is good for many reasons.”

“What’s that look for?” And there was Stoick. Of course he was here. Of course this was something to do with him.

“I tried talking to him.”

“And what did he say?”

“What do you think he said? He said he’s not telling us anything until he knows Astrid is alright. He’s furious at you.”

There was a long moment of silence punctuated only by what Astrid could only blearily assume was Gothi puttering around the room.

“I’ll try talking to him.”

“After nearly killing his girlfriend? He doesn’t even know if she’s going to be okay yet, if you go in there I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually tries to kill you.”

A cold, damp cloth was placed on Astrid’s throbbing forehead and she sighed in relief. This bed was so comfortable, and she could feel sleep calling her back.

“She’ll be fine, it’s just a concussion,” Stoick muttered.  “I’ll try talking to him _after_ he sees that she’s alive and well.”

Astrid found her arms and made an effort to sit up. The moment her head lifted more than a few inches off the pillow the world started spinning. Small hands pushed her back down and Gothi’s wizened finger was suddenly wagging in her face. Astrid relaxed onto the bed. She was so tired, and her head still hurt so much. A hand found the back of her head and lifted it slightly, just enough to bring her lips to a mug of something warm and green and pungent. It tasted bitter but she was too tired to fight it. She drank down as much as she could. Gothi took the liquid away and poked her forehead in a gesture Astrid gathered meant she was supposed to stay put.

Gobber and Stoick were still talking, but their voices were getting farther and farther away. Whatever Gothi had given her, it was certainly helping with the pain, but also quickly putting her to sleep.

This night was already lost, she thought, might as well surrender to sleep as well.

Xx

Light was filtering in to whatever place she was in now and her eyes squeezed tightly shut in a futile effort to keep it out. But consciousness was finally returning, accompanied by a greater degree of lucidity this time, and at last she could think clearly enough to wonder where she was and what had happened. Most of her memory was a blur.

She’d been shot down, Stormfly had knocked her out, Hiccup had…surrendered, maybe? At some point she had been in Gothi’s hut, being cared for. Astrid blinked her eyes open and groaned. She tried sitting up and felt her head give a dull throb. It still hurt, but not like it had last night. Last night? She hoped it had only been last night. For all she knew she had been out for days. She groaned again and rubbed at her eyes. The room came into focus. The _cell_ came into focus.

She was sitting on a cot against a wooden wall with a high barred window. The space was maybe ten feet by ten feet. The walls on the left and right were solid wood planks for maybe seven feet, and then three feet of wooden bars which connected to the front wall of the cell, which was all wooden bars in a solid frame. There was a pillow and single blanket on the bed beneath her. To her left was a wooden partition connected to the side wall which ran parallel to the back wall and provided privacy for a chamber pot and water basin. The cot was more comfortable than she would have expected. The size and general nicety of the cell were not standard. This was the kind of cell reserved for high ranking or political prisoners. It had been a long time since it had been used, but she supposed it was some sort of good sign that they had placed her in here, instead of the typical small, dirty cell reserved for the common thief or drunk.

Still. She was in a prison cell. In Berk. Her head throbbed and she groaned again. She reached up to prod gently at the sore spots on her forehead and the back of her head.

“Astrid?” she looked up and saw Hiccup, uninjured, peering at her through the bars that separated her cell from the one to her left.

“Hiccup!” she leapt from the cot, stumbled as she was hit by a sudden bout of dizziness, then tripped her way to the floor in front of Hiccup.

“Careful, careful,” he said, his arm reaching through the bars to catch her. “They said you had a concussion. Are you okay? How do you feel?”

Astrid grasped his arms tightly. “I’m alright. Mostly. Head still kind of hurts, but I think I’m okay. What about you? Did they hurt you?”

Hiccup shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”

“And the dragons?”

Hiccup winced. “Alive, as far as I know. Last I heard they imprisoned them both in the Kill Ring. Along with three other dragons who tried to protect us when we were captured. Want to guess which three?”

Astrid’s eyes closed and she sighed. “Those were the same poor dragons who were trapped on Berk before. Why didn’t they fly away?”

“Loyalty,” Hiccup answered simply. “Once you gain a dragon’s trust, they’ll do pretty much anything for you.”

Astrid leaned in so she and Hiccup could rest their foreheads together through the bars. “So what all happened?”

Hiccup took a deep breath. “You were shot down,” he growled. “Using _my_ machine.”

“Your machine?”

“The one I used to shoot down Toothless. The original was destroyed, but they must have found the blueprints and rebuilt it. Nothing else would have provided that accuracy or that range. I shouldn’t have left my blueprints here. I shouldn’t have let you come with me last night.” He shook his head. “Of course my dad wouldn’t risk shooting _me_ down, but shooting _you_ down to get my attention? I should have seen that coming. It’s not even the first time they tried that plan, and we still fell for it.”

Astrid stroked his face. “I don’t think they were trying to hurt me when they shot me down. I mean, Stormfly and I landed alright. It wasn’t until she hit me in the head with her wing that everything went sideways. And what else could we do last night? The alternative was doing nothing. We took a risk and it ended badly.” She sighed. “They told you to surrender or they’d kill me, didn’t they?” Hiccup’s eyes squeezed shut and he looked pained. He swallowed before nodding and looking at her again. “You should have called their bluff.”

“I couldn’t have risked it. Even if they didn’t kill you they could have still hurt you.”

“But without one of us free there is no one to interfere in raids. The smarter thing to do would be to let them keep me, then come back and mount a rescue mission later, like we did with Stormfly.”

Hiccup opened his eyes but didn’t look at her. He was quiet for a moment, his hands stroking her arms. “Do you remember how hard it was for you to leave Stormfly trapped here? Wondering and worrying if she was okay? If she was even alive?” Astrid’s stomach sank.

“Yes,” she admitted quietly.

“Then how could you expect me to leave you here?” Astrid sighed in defeat. Leaving her would have been the strategic move, but the head and the heart don’t always agree.

“I couldn’t have,” she said. “Gods know I would have done the same if it were you.” She looked around the cells. “So. We’re in jail, huh?”

“Yep.” Hiccup looked around his cell, which from what she could see was identical to hers. “I helped build these cells, now I’m a prisoner in them.” He chuckled dryly. “How times have changed.”

“What’s going to happen to us?” Astrid asked.

Hiccup shrugged. “After I surrendered my dad wanted to talk to me, but I refused to talk to anyone until I knew you were okay. I don’t know what he wants or what they’re going to do to us or the dragons.”

Astrid pulled herself as close to him as the bars would allow. “Whatever it is, we’ll face it together.

Hiccup kissed her forehead. “I’m so sorry, Astrid. I pulled you into this life. All of this is my fault.”

Astrid shook her head. “Blame it on the gods, blame it on fate, blame it on destiny or on the village of Berk for bringing us together.” She gave him a small smile and lifted the hand on which her wedding band gleamed. “But blame the rest on me for choosing to take on this life with you.”

Hiccup smiled and they shared a brief kiss and a long, warm gaze.

“And besides,” Astrid said, smiling. “If we had to it couldn’t be too hard to break out of here.”

Hiccup shrugged. “I don’t know. I helped build this jail. It’s pretty sturdy.”

“There’s always the human element. Get some guard to open the door, trick them, knock them out, run.”

Hiccup considered this. “Not sure how far we’d get. We’d have to time it pretty well. And be able to get to the dragons and get them free. And then what? Even if we leave, this is never gonna stop.”

Astrid thought for a moment, turning the facts of the situation over in her mind. “You’re right. But maybe this is a good thing.”

Hiccup frowned. “We’re in prison. How is that in any way a good thing?”

“Maybe this is an opportunity for you and your dad to finally talk. I mean really, actually, talk.” Hiccup opened his mouth to protest but Astrid pushed on. “Not yell at each other and argue like you’ve done every other time you’ve interacted, but really talk to each other. Hash it out. Whatever has happened you’re still father and son. Maybe if you two could actually sit down and have a real conversation for once we could really get somewhere. Sort this all out, get Berk on a path to peace. Otherwise it’s running and fighting forever.”

Hiccup did not look pleased by this prospect. “My dad’s not great at listening.”

“Neither are you when you’re angry.”

Hiccup squirmed. “Still.”

Astrid kissed his hands. “And if all else fails we’ll figure out how to escape.”

A door opened somewhere in the building. Hiccup pulled back and pushed Astrid gently away, silently instructing her to ready herself. They both backed into their cells, defensive. There was the sound of whistling, and then Gobber came into sight, lumbering down the hallway carrying a ring of keys. He stopped in front of their cells and sighed.

“Astrid, how are you feeling?”

Astrid shrugged. “I’m not dead.”

Gobber nodded. “I’m so sorry, lass. You’ve no idea how hard I tried to talk him out of that. Or how much I did to that contraption to try to keep it from killing you.” Gobber sighed, shaking his head. “Stoick hasn’t been himself lately. Well, he’s not been himself since the day he thought his son died.” He looked at Hiccup. “And as you’ve probably noticed finding out his son is alive and basically a traitor has not helped matters.”

“I’m not a traitor,” Hiccup said firmly.

Gobber raised his eyebrow. “You hid a dragon from everyone, cheated your way through Dragon Training, disobeyed the orders of your father and your chief, pretended to be dead for five years, and came back saying you were at least partially on our enemy’s side. It’s arguable.” Hiccup glared. “One way or another, boy-o, your dad wants a word.”

“I don’t want to talk to him,” Hiccup snapped.

“Hiccup,” Astrid chided, and he looked her way.

“Swear to Thor,” Gobber muttered. “So damn similar it’s no wonder they could never communicate.”

“Just try, Hiccup,” Astrid pleaded. “Please?”

Hiccup sighed, his shoulders falling in resignation. “Fine.”

Xx

Stoick didn't look up as the prisoner was being escorted into the room. The small chamber off the Great Hall was meant for private diplomatic meetings. He supposed this counted, in a way. It was lit by a single skylight in the ceiling and a few low-burning torches around the perimeter of the room. Stoick stared at his hands resting on the table in front of him as the prisoner took his seat.

He'd finally managed to get some rest, and though he hadn't slept long, he'd slept hard. The exhaustion was still bone deep, but his head felt clearer. He felt more sane than he had in days and already was regretting the decisions he'd made. 

But what other options had he had?

After ensuring the prisoner's chains were secured to the chair, Gobber and Hoark left them alone. For a long moment there was no sound in the chamber save the crackling of the torches in their brackets. Stoick took a deep breath and looked up at the young man across from him.

It was the closest, clearest look he'd gotten at the man who bore his son's face and name. Hiccup was watching him with a guarded expression. His eyes were as green as they had ever been, bright and beautiful. More green than his own and more vibrant that Valka's, though the shape of hers. His nose was undeniably his father's, set into a face that bore some of the squareness of his own in his youth, but with Valka's high cheekbones. His thin mouth was his mother's as well. Stoick noticed the old scar was still visible above his chin.

The square jaw was sprinkled with reddish stubble, just enough for a rogueish charm and to distinguish his age. The freckles were all still in the same places. 

Older, matured, handsome in the aftermath of puberty, but undeniably Hiccup.

His hair had darkened; still a dark auburn, but the copper had turned to bronze, with flecks of Haddock red visible in the light of the afternoon sun. He had discarded some of his heavier armor and Stoick could see his build more clearly now. Still skinny as ever, but with broad shoulders and chest which seemed to balance his lean form. The things he did on that dragon no doubt required significant core and back strength, as well as powerful thighs. Hiccup got his build from his mother's side of the family, no doubt. Val's father had been built like that. Thin as a rail but made of all lean, corded muscle. 

Stoick sighed again and reached for the jug and one of the cups in the center of the table. He poured himself a mug of mead. He reached for the other cup and filled it as well. "Want some?" He asked, pouring a second cup and pushing it towards Hiccup. Hiccup squirmed in his seat and stared at the cup like he didn't trust it.

"Um, no thanks." His voice hadn't changed; save for cracking less, and Stoick wasn't sure if that made things easier or harder. 

Stoick took a large gulp of his own mead. "It's not poisoned."

Hiccup was still staring somewhat nervously at the mead. "It's not really poison that I'm worried about."

"Haven't got a taste for it?"

Hiccup half-chuckled. "Not having a taste for it was never my problem." He reached for the mug and paused with his hand around it, his brow creased in thought, before he pushed it as far away from himself as his chains would allow. "Better not," he muttered to himself.

Something Gobber had said picked at the back of his mind. "You had a problem?"

Hiccup's eyes met his, something like surprise at the question. "Uh," he shifted in his seat. "Yeah. Dulled the pain of being an outcast hated by everyone and believed to be dead by people who never cared about me to begin with,” he said casually. He cleared his throat. "Sober now, though. But not like it matters." His eyes narrowed. "You didn't bring me here to talk about my drinking problem."

Stoick's lips tightened. He downed the rest of his mead. "You said you'd talk once you knew Astrid was okay. Well, she's safe and sound and recovering just fine. So. Are you finally ready to talk?"

Hiccup's expression instantly hardened into a glare. "You wanna talk? Fine. Let's talk. You could have killed Astrid."

"But we didn't. Gothi says she'll be fine."

"You still tried to kill her."

Stoick sighed and rubbed his head. "We weren't trying to kill her. Gobber modified that contraption of yours to sling bolas with much less force. The plan was to disrupt her flight path enough that the dragon had to land. Her dragon is the one who panicked and knocked her out. Our plan was just to bring her down and capture her."

Hiccup's expression didn't change. "And then threaten to kill her."

Stoick met his eye. "We had to get you to talk."

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. The expression was painfully familiar. "If you wanted me to talk you could have accomplished that without shooting down my wife and threatening to kill her in order to capture me."

Stoick frowned. "And how would the conversation have gone if we met under peaceful terms? It would have been more of you telling us to give up and just give the dragons what they came for like you did in that letter?"

Hiccup's mouth twisted into a frustrated snarl. "I wasn't telling you to give up! I was telling you to chill the fuck out, something you clearly haven't figured out how to do yet! I had a plan to deal with the dragon problem, but I needed you to stop killing so many in order for it to have a chance."

"Stop killing them! Stop killing them!" Stoick knocked his chair over as he stood and began pacing back and forth in front of the table. "Stop killing them. We tried that once, Hiccup. Your mother tried that once. You know how that worked out for her."

Hiccup's expression shifted; for a second he looked calmer but conflicted, his brows drawn and his mouth a subtle frown, and for a moment he opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped. He closed his mouth and looked away. 

"Mom was one person. It takes more than that to make a difference with something like that. There were too many other people still fighting for her to make a difference. No one wanted to listen to her. You didn't want to listen to her." Hiccup looked up. "You lost her. And you've been blaming the dragons for it ever since. You didn't listen to her. And maybe if you had, things would have changed a long time ago and she'd still be here." Stoick's hands balled into fists. "You lost your chance to listen to her, but you can still listen to me."

Stoick looked at the young man in front of him and tried to see his son.  "There's only one way to end this," Stoick said, calm determination in his voice. "By ending the dragons. Maybe you tamed a few injured ones, but there are still thousands out there who don't care how many people burn." He spread his hands on the table and fixed Hiccup with a hard look. "Tell me where the nest is, and let's end this once and for all." 

Hiccup shook his head. "I'm not telling you that. I can't tell you that." 

"You claim they're being controlled by a queen. That you've seen it. So you've seen the nest."

Hiccup hesitated. "Yes, but-"

"So you know how to get there. Tell me."

"No. I can't. I won't let you risk that many lives."

Stoick leaned forward even more. "Tell me and I give you your freedom. You and Astrid can fly off on your dragons and leave this place forever."

"No."

"If you don't tell me, then you and Astrid will be tried for treason. If convicted, you both face a possible punishment of death."

Hiccup's face fell. "And if I tell you where the nest is, then I sign the death warrant for hundreds of Vikings and dragons. That's not a battle you can win."

Stoick sighed. "So that's a no. A final no. You've chosen your side."

Hiccup sunk into his seat, his eyes falling to his lap. He looked defeated. And yet, he refused to truly surrender. "Yeah. I guess so."

Xx


	34. Burned But Not Buried This Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit late because of the holiday weekend and family stuff, but here nonetheless. I also gave up on re-editing this. I have too much to do this weekend that is far more important and I still wanted to get this chapter up so whatever I hope it's good enough. This chapter is a little on the shorter side but I wanted it to end at a very specific scene.
> 
> Couple of things: Several people brought it up, so to answer you all: Hiccup has a very good reason for not yet telling Stoick about Valka. It'll be a couple chapters until you find out exactly why he's keeping this info close to his chest, but to put it most simply, you don't play your trump card on the first hand.
> 
> Chapter title from Florence and the Machine's "Which Witch". So Astrid this chapter. Give it a listen. But you know how Astrid keeps telling Hiccup he and his dad need to calm down and talk? Well the alternate title for this chapter could be "Astrid You Goddamn Hippocrite, What Are You Doing" or "Everyone: Astrid, no. Astrid: ASTRID YES"

The cell was not the height of luxury or comfort, but it was warm enough and light enough and clean enough. But at the end of the day it was still a cell, which meant it was significantly lacking in terms of entertainment. There was nothing to do except sit on her cot and worry and wait for Hiccup to come back. She did not have high hopes the conversation between Hiccup and his father would be a productive one. They were both too stressed; Hiccup was too angry. They would both have to be calmer before they would get anywhere. She wondered if she would get anywhere by talking to Stoick. Her stomach churned at just the thought. She understood why, and from an objective point she understood the pain and twisted logic that had driven Stoick's actions. But on a personal level, she was still angry. For what he had done to her, for what he continued to do to his son. She had learned to forgive Hiccup once he showed real remorse; she would do her best to protect them, but Stoick and the village would have to show real remorse before she could begin to forgive them. 

She heard the door of the jail open and sat up straighter. It was probably Hiccup being brought back to his cell. But when the door shut she heard the sound of only one person walking down the hallway. She shrank back into herself, already on guard. 

Her mother stepped in front of her cell. Astrid's hands gripped the blanket beneath her. Ingrid was alone, and she looked nervous. "Astrid," she said, a hand reaching slowly out before she drew it back. She stepped close to the bars and gripped them tightly. "Astrid, my little girl." 

Already Astrid could feel the tears building in the corner of her eyes and the burn of a lump in her throat. She was torn. Part of her wanted to rush into her mother's arms. Part of her wanted to turn her back and hide under the blanket until she went away. "I was so angry at what they did last night. At what they did months ago." Her mouth trembled and a sob broke forth. "My baby girl, please, I'm so sorry. Please, come here. I've missed you more than you'll ever know."

Astrid swallowed and stood. She walked towards the bars and stopped just short of her mother's reach. She kept her face impassive. She must be strong. "How's Brenna?" 

Ingrid's hopeful expression at Astrid's approach faded. "She's good. She's growing fast. She loves every gift you've sent her." Ingrid looked down. "She's fascinated by dragons now. I have to keep reminding her that they're dangerous. But her big sister rides one." Their eyes met again. "She still idolizes you. And misses you fiercely." 

The lump in her throat grew. "I miss her too."

Ingrid reached her hands through the bars. "Astrid, she's not the only one who misses you. We miss you so much." She sniffled and tears started pouring from her eyes. "We made a mistake, Astrid. We made the biggest mistake we'll ever make in our lives. We thought we were doing it for a good reason but even that doesn't excuse what we did. I have regretted it from the moment it happened." She sobbed again and sank to her knees, her hands still stretched towards Astrid. "We dressed you like a bride and sent you out there and a piece of me has been missing ever since. Even knowing you were alive...oh my baby girl I can never make up for what I've done." She seemed to curl in on herself. "My child. My first baby. The only baby I thought I would ever have. Please, please give me a chance. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I love you so much and I have missed you more fervently than you can ever understand."

 Astrid felt frozen. Her emotions were at war. She felt all that hurt, all that betrayal....but this was her mother. She had craved her mother's touch, her mother's voice. Stiffly she stepped forward and lowered herself to her knees. With a wail Ingrid grabbed her and pulled her close, holding her as tightly as the bars would allow. She sobbed into Astrid's shoulder and Astrid felt her own hot tears spilling over her cheeks. Her arms rose and she hugged her mother back. Her mother still smelled the same as always; that same comforting scent Astrid inhaled whenever her mother held her close like this. It was a smell that meant comfort, that meant safety; that meant love. 

She allowed herself this moment, at least. This brief, uncomplicated moment of basking in her mother's love. Then she opened her eyes.

"You sold me." Her mother only held her tighter. 

"We did."

"You betrayed me."

"I know. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't save me."

Her mother drew back and looked at her. "We didn't save you then, but we are fighting to save you now. Hiccup has refused to tell Stoick what he wants to know. The council is going to charge the both of you with treason. If they convict you, you'll be put to death. They are preparing for the trial now. Your father is trying to convince them to release you; he's trying to convince them that you're innocent."

Astrid felt her spirits rise, just a little. "He is?"

Ingrid nodded. "But I don't know if it will be enough. You have to sell it." Astrid frowned. 

"Sell it?"

Ingrid nodded. She cupped Astrid's face with one hand and looked at her intensely. "Tell them he forced you to do everything. Tell them you were alone and scared and he manipulated you. Tell them you were so alone for so long with no one but him that you were confused, that you started to believe everything he told you. Play the part of the threatened, seduced, confused, weak young woman. Some of them expect that, so play into their expectations." Astrid drew back, frowning. 

"You want me to pretend to be some stupid, spineless child who didn't know what she was doing?"

Ingrid tried reaching for her but Astrid just leaned further back. "Play the victim, Astrid. It's your best hope."

"And what, throw Hiccup under the boat?"

Ingrid looked pained and desperate. "He's Stoick son. Stoick will pardon him eventually. He'll never be able to kill his own son, but he won't be so lenient with you. Stoick can’t admit that he was wrong. He can’t admit the mistakes he made with you. And even if he could the council will not be on your side. The sacrifice was their idea after all. You can't worry about Hiccup, he’ll be fine, but you have to protect yourself. And your best defense is to play the weak girl who was taken advantage of."

Astrid backed away and stood up. The fury was building. After everything, how could she... "No."

Ingrid climbed to her feet. "Astrid, if they convict you they will have you killed!"

"Well at least you're used to watching me die."

"Astrid!" Ingrid's eyes were wild and wet and it almost hurt to watch. "Please, I'm trying to save your life." 

Astrid squared her shoulders. "It's a little late for that." She heard the jail door open and multiple pairs of boots clunking down the hallway towards them. Ingrid looked panicked. "Astrid," she said in a harsh whisper. "They will kill you!"

"Ingrid, I'm sorry, it's time." Gobber and Hoark came into view. Ingrid looked at them. 

"Please, just a few more minutes." Gobber shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Ingrid, the trial is starting. You can talk to her after it's over." Trembling, Ingrid stepped back from the door. Astrid knew resistance was useless, so she allowed Gobber to put the manacles around her wrists. "I'm sorry lass," he whispered. "We tried."

As they led her out of the cell Ingrid grabbed her by the arm and forced her to look at her. Astrid stared into her mother's terrified eyes. "Astrid, please, remember what I told you. Please." 

Astrid leaned in. "You had your chance to save my life. I'd rather die as a traitorous harlot than as your virgin sacrifice."

She ripped her arm away, and let them lead her out of the prison.

Xx

The entire village of Berk, plus Eret and his crew of trappers, were crammed into the Great Hall. Normally the Meade Hall was more than big enough for Berk's entire population, but that was when everyone was spread out among the tables and benches and evenly distributed around the room. With the entire village trying to get a front row seat to the trial of the century, the entire back half of the hall was standing room only.

On a raised platform at the end of the hall sat the council, Stoick in his chief's chair in the center looking utterly exhausted. She took it his talk with Hiccup had not gone well. Snotlout was seated on the platform as well, glancing around the room nervously. There was a clearing in the middle of the audience where she was led. There were two chairs set to the side, Hiccup already seated in one of them. Astrid held her head up high as she was led through the crowd. Her conversation with her mother had sparked fury in her anew. 

Let them stare, she thought, let them judge. It wasn't like a single one of them had a right to. She took her seat next to Hiccup. His jaw was clenched tight and there was worry in his eyes. He reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. 

Spitelout got to his feet with a piece of parchment in hand. He cleared his throat until he had the room's attention. "Will the accused stand?" What was the point of having them sit at all, Astrid wondered. She and Hiccup took their places in the center clearing, where the eyes of the entire village could watch them. Spitelout smirked and looked back at his parchment. Behind him, Astrid noted, Stoick was hunched over in his chair, not looking at the room, like he wanted to be anywhere at that moment but there. "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, the Dragon Master, you are charged with treason against Berk and all of Viking kind, for colluding with the greatest enemy our society faces. The punishment if convicted is execution. How do you answer these charges?"

Astrid looked at Hiccup and his frustrated sneer. "I answer them the same way I always have: by telling you all that I've been protecting this village from the worst of the dragon attacks for years, and trying to find a peaceful solution to the dragon problem. Just because my methods of protection don't involve slaughtering dragons doesn't mean what I'm doing is treason."

A general round of murmurs swept through the room. Spitelout, unimpressed, continued with his announcements. "Astrid Alysanne Hofferson, the Dragon Master's Whore," he paused just long enough for a snicker and Astrid's hands balled into fists. She was about to yell at him for the insult when Hiccup's hand landed on hers, and he shot her a warning look. Spitelout continued, "Also charged with treason, colluding with the enemy, and eh, fraternization with a known enemy and fugitive. The punishment if convicted is execution. How do you answer these charges, Miss Hofferson?"

Astrid's blood boiled. She opened her mouth.

 "Innocent!" Astrid stared at Hiccup, who had stepped forward and was glaring at Spitelout. "Astrid Hofferson is innocent of everything." He looked at her. "I used her. I kept her isolated for so long, so dependent on me for basic survival that it became easy to twist her to my will." 

Astrid shook her head. "Hiccup no, stop-"

He gave her a carefully crafted impassive face. He was trying to look cold and uncaring, but Astrid could see through the act. "I'm sorry Astrid, but I needed an accomplice, and after a while you were so lonely, so traumatized, that you were so easy to manipulate." He looked back at the council. "Punish me as you will, but Astrid needs help, not punishment. She didn't know what she was doing. She was so confused, and I used that to my advantage."

Astrid had heard about damn enough. 

"Oh would you shut the _fuck_ up!" She shouted, and the room went dead silent. Hiccup turned wide eyes on her. 

"Astrid, I know it's hard to hear but it's time you knew the truth, I let all of this go too far and I can't let an innocent girl die because I forced her to--"

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Hiccup, shut up, no one is seriously going to believe that bullshit and I don't want them to."

His eyes got even wider. He stepped closer, trying to hiss, "Astrid--"

"No!" She snapped, stepping away. "I get that you want to save me, but I'm about godsdamn finished with people trying to save me by taking away my free will." She turned her attention back to Spitelout. "I'm also _really_ done with being called the Dragon Master's Whore. I'm not his whore, I'm his wife." There was a new round of murmurs at that. 

"Oh don't sound so surprised," she spat. "Hiccup's father more than paid my bride price to my parents, and Hiccup has given me plenty enough to count for the morning gift. My parents may have stiffed me on my dowry but these are hard times, what can you do." She fixed her gaze on Stoick, who was watching her intently now. "And then you all dressed me like a bride and the chief of my village gave me to my husband." She smirked. "Maybe there was less pomp and circumstance than your usual wedding, but in the eyes of the gods who's to say that doesn't count as a wartime wedding? And besides," she lifted her manacled hands so that her wedding band caught the light. "We've since said our vows." She dropped her hands and gave Stoick a hard look. “So, since Hiccup is the rightful heir to the throne, I think instead of ‘the Dragon Master’s Whore’, my official title would be, what, Lady Haddock?”

She turned and looked around the room. She could see her parents close to the platform in the front, her mother held a handkerchief to her mouth while her father’s hands rested on her shoulders. Snotlout was unabashedly staring at her, his mouth hanging open. Also near the front she saw Ruffnut rocking a black-haired baby, with Tuffnut standing beside. She saw Gothi, standing on a table in order to get the best view. Watching from what he probably hoped was a safe hiding spot behind a pillar was Fishlegs, biting his fingernails. Hoark, the Acks, Sven…her whole village. Everyone who had condemned her had turned out to condemn her all over again.

“Are you all really so surprised by this?” She asked the room. “You want to call me a traitor? Why? Because I didn’t show undying loyalty to the village that offered me up as a sacrifice? What reason did you all give me to be loyal?” Her eyes burned with furious tears but she held them at bay. She felt no sting of sadness right now, only anger. “You betrayed me first, every single damn one of you.” Some of the eyes she met looked away, but she faced anyone who would look at her. “I was the most loyal warrior to ever fight for this godsforsaken place. I would have fought to the death to defend my village, and what good did that do me? You still offered me up on a silver platter because you thought maybe it just might save your own skins. And you.”

She looked straight at Stoick now, and stared him down until he reluctantly met her gaze. “I was a kid. I was a kid who was good at fighting but I was still just a kid. And you blamed me for your son’s death. You could have blamed the dragon you thought killed him, you could have blamed yourself for not protecting him, you could have blamed him for giving his life to protect someone else, but instead you blamed the innocent kid who was traumatized for _years_ because she thought your son died saving her. And then when the time came to pick some poor girl to die for this village you knew _exactly_ who to choose.” She looked at Hiccup, who had backed away from her and was staring just like the rest of the village. He looked utterly speechless. “And even once you found out your son was alive you’re still acting like this is somehow all my fault.” She looked back at Stoick. “This is your doing and you know it. You did this.”

She paced around the clearing and sought out the gaze of every villager she could. One by one, pairs of eyes looked down and away. “You want to sentence me to death? Well in case you’ve forgotten, you already _did_ that. I did nothing wrong and you executed me anyway. Just because it didn’t stick doesn’t mean you get to execute me now. All of you standing here staring at me, wondering what happened, wondering how good little Astrid Hofferson turned into this, like you don’t know exactly what you did to me. Not one of you tried to save me. Not one of you stood up or stepped forward. You let an innocent girl go to her death.”

The sense of déjà vu was overwhelming. The last time she had stood in front of her whole village with bound hands they had also been silent and staring. They had also dropped their eyes rather than meet her gaze. Last time they had nothing to say in defense of their actions. But last time Astrid had been terrified and hopeless. She’d felt abandoned and powerless. Now, standing in front of her village, in front of everyone who had once meant so much to her and who had sold her out, finally confronting them with what they had done, she felt stronger than ever. Her heart was pounding. She was incensed; and she had been silent and compliant for too long. There was peace to be brokered, but she was not going into negotiations without them knowing exactly what she was owed.

“Every single one of you is a murderer.” Her statement rang loud in the silent hall. Stoick was watching her with a pale face and tight lips. Snotlout’s knuckles were white and twisted around the hem of his fur cloak. Even Spitelout had dropped his gaze.

“So if you want to hang me for treason, fine. Just make sure you have enough rope for the rest of the village.”

She let the silence fill the room until it was suffocating. She wanted to see how long it would take for someone else to speak. After a long moment of awkward shuffling while members of the council tried to find their voices Astrid spoke again. “After everything you did I could have turned on this village. I could have attacked it instead of trying to mitigate the attacks. I could have turned my back on you entirely. I had the option to go somewhere else, to run away and start a new life. Ask Eret, he offered to take me.”

There was a smattering of whispers as everyone tried glancing to the back, where Eret and his crew stood. “Hiccup could have abandoned you too. Neither one of us had to interfere. But we did anyway. _I_ did anyway. Because even after everything you did to me I still couldn’t stand by and watch this village burn. I protected this village, and you offered me up for death. I continued to protect this village, and now you crucify me as a traitor. If that isn’t enough to earn me mercy then I guess this village isn’t capable of it.”

The silence stretched. The villagers looked cowed, but the council was starting to look agitated. Astrid looked at Stoick, who was frowning, though his exact expression was difficult for her to read. She couldn’t tell if he looked angry or just annoyed at the turn of events. She looked at Hiccup, who had collapsed into his seat and was watching her with a mix of pride and panic.

Finally speaking her peace had made her feel better; it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders that had hung there since last November. She no longer had to carry the burden of her village’s betrayal. They knew now. They knew all of it. They knew what they had done to her, what she had become in spite of it, because of it. They knew she was angry, they knew she was owed forgiveness. They knew it would take so much to earn it.

If she lived long enough to get it. The council would not appreciate being called out, and if Stoick was still not in his right mind she could have gotten herself into deeper trouble. Astrid took a deep breath, finally calming after her tirade. As angry as she was, she was still a protector at heart, and she couldn’t do that if she was dead or rotting in a prison cell. Her speech may have accomplished little more than allowing her to go to the gallows with her head held high. She needed something else. She needed time. She needed to placate Stoick long enough for him and Hiccup to actually sit down and have a real conversation.

She looked at Hiccup. It was a risk, and the truth would be found out soon enough. But it would buy them time, if nothing else, and that was what they needed. Astrid took another deep breath and looked at Stoick. She let her shoulders slump, feigning fatigue. “But after everything that’s happened I know better than to assume you’ll show me any mercy. You didn’t show me any when I was innocent, so why would you show me any when you think I’m guilty of something? But I’m asking you for mercy. Not because I think I deserve it or because after everything I think you owe me that much. I ask mercy for myself,” she looked again at Hiccup. _I’m so sorry, babe._ She placed her hands protectively on her lower stomach. “And more importantly, for my baby.” She watched Hiccup’s face fall in shock: horror, happiness, and disbelief all swirling in his wide green eyes. Already feeling the guilt of having to put him through this, she looked at Stoick and tried to sell it. “I don’t like to beg, but I will beg for mercy for my baby. For your grandchild; your heir.” Softer now, “Please.”

The room erupted.


	35. Unstoppable Force Meets Immovable Object

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the plan is still to update weekly but I don't know that it'll be like I update on a specific day. More like whichever point during the weekend I get a chance to publish. But I'm trying not to let there be delays of more than a day or two.
> 
> This chapter is one of those I have looked at too long. I'm still not happy with it but I may never be. I just need to stop looking at it.
> 
> Ready for more Haddock men being stubborn? Of course you are.

The prison was so silent they could still hear the footsteps leading away from the building even though they were far away by now. It was a sharp contrast to the chaos the Great Hall had been when they had been escorted out of it. Some had been yelling, most had been gossiping with their neighbors, turning the news over and over again, asking aloud if they thought it was true, gasping at what it would mean for Berk if it was. In the madness Stoick had finally lost his patience and boomed over the crowd to return the prisoners to their cells. It had not missed Astrid’s notice that he had not taken his eyes off her the entire time they’d been led out.

She wanted to buy them time; it looked like time had been bought.

She and Hiccup had not said a word to each other since the trial. Even now, in the silence of their respective cells they said nothing. Astrid rubbed absently at her wrists, mildly chafed from the manacles. One of them would have to bring it up at some point; although she wondered if it would be better if Hiccup didn’t know…she could barely see him. She had sat down on her cot; he’d slumped down on the floor leaning against the bars of his cell. His face was blank and he stared at the dusty stone floor.

“Are you really?” his voice was so quiet she could have missed it if she wasn’t waiting for it. He glanced up at her, and Astrid could detect the conflicted hope in his eyes and his voice. Her heart clenched.

“No,” she said softly, and watched his eyes fall. “Not that I know of, anyway. I needed to buy us time.”

Hiccup’s expression remained neutral. “They’ll find out before long.”

Astrid hummed in agreement. “I know, but I can say that maybe it’s too early to tell, or that I was pregnant and lost it after I was shot down. And anyway it’ll put them off killing me for a while longer at least, long enough for you and your dad to try talking again. Stoick might be more open to conversation or compromise if he thinks he has a grandchild on the way. It might calm him down some. Make him a little less reckless. And more likely to try to salvage his relationship with his only son.”

Hiccup didn’t respond beyond a noncommittal hum.

“I’m sorry,” Astrid said earnestly. “I didn’t plan to do it until the moment I said it, so I couldn’t warn you ahead of time, and your reaction probably sold it more than it would have if you knew it was coming.”

Hiccup shrugged.

Astrid bit her lip. “Are you mad?”

“No.”

“Are you disappointed? That I’m not pregnant?”

Hiccup didn’t answer.

“Hiccup, please talk to me.”

He sighed. “I want a child with you. This isn’t the world I want to bring a child into, but hearing you say it…for a moment I didn’t care.”

Astrid’s heart sank into her stomach. “I’m sorry. For getting your hopes up.”

Hiccup shrugged again, though he still didn’t look at her. “It’s for the best anyway.”

Astrid watched him for a long moment. He didn’t move, didn’t change his expression, didn’t say anything. Finally she got up and went to the bars that separated their cells. She sank down beside them and reached a hand through the bars towards Hiccup. For a moment he ignored it, but finally he reached out for her hand and gripped it in his.

“I love you,” she offered.

The smallest smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Hiccup let go of her hand to get up and move closer to her. He leaned against her against the bars and reached for her hand again. They rested their foreheads together and at the sight of Hiccup’s small warm smile Astrid felt the beginnings of one of her own.

“I love you too.”

Hiccup kissed her through the bars. “I’m sorry I tried to save you the way I did. Your dad caught me before the trial was going to start, begged me to help make sure they didn’t take all of this out on you.” He glanced down. “I should have known you wouldn’t put up with that. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Astrid said, catching his attention, “If I forgive you, will you forgive me?”

Hiccup’s smile made warmth bloom in her chest. “I guess we can just call it even. You definitely got my dad’s attention, after all.”

“I would hope I got everyone’s attention.”

Hiccup laughed. “Oh my gods, you yelled at the whole village.” His grin was infectious. “That was gutsy, and stupid, and amazing. I’ve never been so terrified and so aroused at the same time.”

Astrid laughed and Hiccup grinned and maybe, she thought, things would be okay.

Xx

There were many unpleasant things about being in prison. She and Hiccup had some amount of privacy, but even as close as their relationship was there were some things they would rather the other not be witness to. They were regularly fed, and even if the food was not the best quality, it was better than Astrid expected. Apparently the "news" of her pregnancy was a factor in meal selection, as her meals had been noticeably nicer than Hiccup's. They did not have a fire beyond the torches at night, but the building was rather well insulated and she had been provided with extra blankets by a concerned Gothi after the trial. All in all, conditions were not bad. She hated sleeping alone, her hands tangling with Hiccup's through the bars, as they had moved their cots to the side walls, but at least she was near him.

No, the thing that was driving her mad was the boredom. 

She had thought it was bad when she had first been taken to Hiccup's mountain. All she had to do was wander around. Now she didn't even have that. She had a small cell and nothing to occupy her time. They had taken her weapons and would not risk giving her anything remotely dangerous, which also included anything that a smart person thought Astrid Hofferson might be able to utilize as something dangerous. 

Astrid had taken to exercising for lack of anything else to do, but even that could only go on for so long, and Hiccup complained that watching her run in circles around the small space was making him dizzy. 

Gods, it had only been two and half days, and here she was talking as if it had been weeks. Astrid dropped down onto her cot and stared at the ceiling. Hiccup had been taken away for another talk with his father, and she had reminded him how important it was not to lose his temper. ("Astrid, you yelled at the entire village.") Now it was too quiet and lonely and boring. The only thing she could do was reflect that since Hiccup could not be trusted with a razor, he had grown a rather attractive layer of stubble. She didn’t like the idea of Hiccup with a full beard, but a few days of stubble gave him a rugged, rogueish charm that she would find irresistible if they weren’t separated by bars.

She heard the prison door open and close. Astrid didn't bother moving. She'd stopped leaping into a defensive stance whenever anyone came in. She'd also fairly quickly given up on attempting escape. She knew she wouldn't get far without a concrete plan, and the one upside of all of this was that Hiccup and Stoick might finally have a productive conversation. 

Astrid didn't even look up. Her parents had tried once more to visit her, but she had hid in the latrine and refused to see them. After a while they had given up and gone home. They had yet to bring Brenna. Astrid both desperately wanted to see her and yet did not want her little sister to see her imprisoned. 

She was so bored yelling at her parents didn't sound so bad right now, actually. 

"You know, I feel a little insulted by what you said the other day."

Astrid sat up and spun around. "Ruffnut?"

Ruffnut grinned at her. She stood in front of Astrid's cell with one hand on her hip and the other on the baby strapped to her front. "If you remember, I did try to save you. You told me it was no use." Ruffnut twisted her mouth into an exaggerated frown. "And to think I would have named my baby after you."

Astrid grinned and jumped to her feet. "Ruff!" Ruffnut returned her smile and the two women hugged through the bars, careful not to crush the baby between them. The baby turned his head to peer up at Astrid and she gasped in delight. 

"Oh, Ruff!" She cooed, running her fingers through the baby's black hair. "He's so...so..."

"So ugly he's cute?"

Astrid choked on her laughter. "That-that wasn't how I would have put it."

Ruffnut grinned and tapped her baby's nose. He had many of Snotlout's features, but somehow more squat. He looked like someone had squashed Snotlout's face down to fit on a baby's head. "It's okay; I know what he looks like.  He's still young enough he looks weird but he pulls it off somehow. It takes a few months for any baby to actually get cute."

"He is cute, though," Astrid said, lifting a tiny hand and marveling over the little fingers and miniscule fingernails. The hand reached for her face and she kissed the tiny palm. "He's wonderful. What's his name?"

Ruffnut beamed. "Grufflout."

"Grufflout?"

"Yeah, apparently you can't be a Jorgenson and NOT have a name that ends with -lout."

"Well, keeps the trolls away and all that."

"Hey, just because you lucked out and got a weird name--"

"I got a normal name, thank you. They didn't have that whole 'scare away the trolls' thing where my mom came from."

"Right, right. So you're the baby name authority now?"

"I didn't say it was a bad name!"

Grufflout started giggling at their bickering, and the sound was so pure and beautiful that soon they were laughing too, which just made the baby laugh harder. It was like the bars weren't there, like no time or ill deeds had passed. 

“So he really is Snotlout’s, huh?”

Ruffnut scoffed. “Oh come on, like there was any chance he wasn’t. I’d stopped running around by the time I got pregnant.”

Astrid gently punched her shoulder. “I know, I just teasing you. How are things between you two now?”

“Well,” Ruffnut said, sighing, “I think I might actually have fallen in love with that idiot.”

“Really?”

Ruffnut shrugged. “I know, I can hardly believe it myself. Weirdly enough we actually work. And having a kid with someone…eh, it’s pretty cool. I didn’t know you could bond so much with someone over changing diapers.”

That made Astrid laugh, which made the baby laugh, which only got everyone laughing again.

"So," Ruffnut began when they had calmed down. "You're not really pregnant, right?"

Astrid was taken aback. Her hand froze on Grufflout's head and she blinked at Ruffnut's knowing look. "I am pregnant. Not very far along, but I am pregnant."

Ruffnut shrugged. "Look, I'm not gonna tell anyone; I don't wanna do anything that's gonna get you killed. You don't have to admit you're lying to me if you don't want to, but I know what you're doing." Ruffnut raised her eyebrows. "Pleading the belly is the easiest way to get out of a death sentence. Even if it's not true it gets everyone to chill out long enough for you to figure out some other defense. Or to actually get pregnant."

Astrid frowned. Ruffnut was her friend, and she didn't want to lie to her, but she was also married to Snotlout, and Astrid couldn't risk Snotlout knowing the truth. He'd inevitably let slip to his father, and then it would all be over. "Ruffnut," she said firmly, "I promise, I am definitely, absolutely pregnant."

Ruffnut didn't look convinced but she shrugged it off. "Okay, however you wanna play this, I get it. Can't be too careful. But just so you know, we're all rooting for you."

This surprised Astrid even more. "What? Who is 'we'?"

Ruffnut grinned. "The old gang, of course. Me, Tuff, Snot, and Legs. We know you're no evil traitor, and Fishlegs thinks there's really something to everything Hiccup has said about the dragons."

Astrid felt her spirits rise for the first time since she'd been back on Berk. "Really?"

"Yeah. There's only so much we can do, and Snotlout has almost as many issues with his dad as Hiccup does with Stoick, so getting him to talk any sense into his dad works out about as well as trying to nail water to a tree, but we're trying to intercede where we can. Fishlegs has been doing as much research on dragons as he possibly can. And Tuff and Snot have been volunteering for dragon guarding duty, trying to learn more about them, see if they really are as docile as you and Hiccup claim. It's not much, but like I said, we're doing what we can." 

It took Astrid a moment to find the words. "Ruffnut, that's amazing. I don't know what to say."

Ruffnut waved a hand. "Oh don't worry about it. You know I don't do sappy.”

“I just…can’t believe you guys are really helping out. Snotlout, even. Why would he want to help Hiccup? If Stoick and Hiccup patch things up, Snotlout could lose his place as heir.”

“Exactly,” Ruffnut said, nodding. “Even after years of being trained for it, Snotlout doesn’t want to be chief. He doesn’t think he’s cut out for it. Spitelout’s the one who wants it. For all their pride the Jorgensons didn’t have that much status until they married into the Haddock family. Snotlout’s not that bad of a leader, but even I don’t think he’s the best choice.”

“What, and you think Hiccup is?”

Ruffnut shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s a lot like Stoick. And if there’s a chance he can change things so my kid doesn’t grow up in a world constantly under attack, then I’m willing to give him a chance.”

Astrid was stunned. She felt tears in her eyes and laughed and she wiped them away. “Ruffnut…”

“Hey, what did I say about sappy?” Ruffnut placed a hand on her shoulder. “Look, I’m not promising we can save you or anything like that, I just want you to know you’re not completely without support. But never mind all that, we have a more pressing issue to discuss."

"Which is?"

Ruffnut leaned in conspiratorially. "So, Hiccup," she began with a salacious smile. "Hiccup got hot."

Astrid laughed. "I know, right? Who knew?"

"So?"

"So what?"

"So what? Hiccup got hot and you are definitely banging him. I need details. I need to know if Hiccup Horrendous Haddock grew up into a sex god."

"Ruffnut!"

"What!"

"I'm not gonna—this is the pressing matter we need to discuss?"

"...Astrid. Come on, twerpy, clumsy, dorky little Hiccup. But oh, all that forge work, bet he’s good with his hands--"

She sighed. 

"...Hiccup Horrendous Haddock grew up into a sex god."

"That's my girl! Details, bitch!"

Xx

The feeling in this room was very different than it had been the last time they’d been in here.

Less tense, more…awkward.

Just as before neither had looked at the other as the younger of the two men was led into the room and to his seat. Just as before the older of the two men stared at his hands on the table long after they had been left alone in the small chamber. The air felt stiff and warm, and Stoick cleared his throat and removed his helmet. He sat it on the table and ran a hand over his head and the sweat gathering on his scalp.

It felt as if everything had changed in an instant; suddenly the whole situation was even more complicated than it had been to begin with. And suddenly…listening didn’t seem like such a terrible idea. Or maybe it was just that he’d finally gotten some sleep.

Stoick cleared his throat again loudly and brought his eyes up to his son. Hiccup was looking at his lap. “So. Is Astrid really pregnant?”

Hiccup nodded. “Yeah,” he answered quietly.

“You seemed surprised when she said it at the trial.”

There was a brief pause. Hiccup licked his lips. “I knew she suspected it, she just hadn’t told me for sure yet. Hearing it out loud though…” Hiccup trailed off. He took a deep breath and puffed it out. “I saw my life flash before my eyes.”

Stoick softened despite himself. He remembered how he felt the first time Valka told him she was pregnant with Hiccup. That feeling that everything was going to change. “And…you’re sure it’s yours?”

That earned him a glare. “Of course it’s mine,” Hiccup snapped. “Whose else would it be?”

“Right, right,” Stoick mumbled. Hiccup lifted his hands to rest them on the table and the light caught the gold band on his finger. “And you married her?”

“You were there.”

“I’m not sure that counted.”

Hiccup shrugged. “Who’s to say it didn’t? It may not be on paper anywhere, but in every way that matters she’s my wife.” Then after a moment, he added, “You know I’m not a kid anymore, right? This would probably go better if you stop trying to treat me like the bratty teenager I used to be.” Stoick blinked. Hiccup was looking at him with a familiar expression, one of annoyed disappointment, but it looked more serious than it had when he was a grumpy teenager frustrated at his lack of freedom.

“I’m twenty years old. I’ve been halfway around the world. I’ve seen and done things you’ve probably never encountered, and I’m not proud of half of them. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve seen people die, some of them at my own hand; never because I wanted to, but sometimes that was the only way. I know what it is to make hard decisions.” He looked away. “I know what it is to be a husband. I may not be the best at it but I’ve learned a lot of lessons on how _not_ to treat a woman. I know what it is to be in love,” then, quieter, “…to _really_ be in love.” He swallowed and continued defensively, “And you can’t blame it on lust because Astrid wasn’t my first and by far she was not my only option.” Hiccup slumped into his chair with a sigh.

“As awkward as it is to admit something like that to my father, I need you to understand that I’m not the same child I was when I left Berk. I’m still me, I’m still Hiccup.” He shrugged. “I know you don’t want to accept that either, but I’m your son whether either one of us likes it or not.” His eyes rose to meet his father’s, and Stoick thought Hiccup looked tired. “And my whole life we’ve never been able to have a real conversation. Either because I was too young, or one of us was too stubborn or too angry or too…whatever. But being stubborn hasn’t gotten us very far, so maybe for once you can see me as an adult who has been to hell and back and picked up at least _some_ small nugget of wisdom along the way, and we can actually talk like equals for once.”

Stoick was quiet for a long moment while he took all of this in. This young man was so different from the one who had defied him at their last meeting, or the one who had yelled at him in front of the village when his identity had been revealed. This young man made it so much harder now to think of Hiccup and the Dragon Master as being different people. This sarcastic, exasperated young man was behaving very much like the sarcastic, exasperated boy that had disappeared out of his life five years ago.

This…this man was Hiccup. This was his son. It still hurt to think about, but he had to start there. He _had_ to. Hiccup was all he had left of Valka. Hiccup, and the child that may well be growing in Astrid’s womb. For Val’s sake, he had to give this a chance. At least this once.

Stoick heaved a great heavy sigh. “Five years ago you left. Let’s start there. You ran away and let me think you died.”

Hiccup seemed to relax a little. “I shot down a Night Fury, not that anyone believed me at the time. But when the moment came I couldn’t kill him. He looked as scared as I was, and I just couldn’t do it. I cut him loose and that was going to be the end of it, but then I discovered he’d gotten trapped because I ruined his tail. So…I befriended him. Didn’t plan on it, didn’t necessarily mean to, it just sort of happened. And then I wanted to help him, fix him. So I did. And the entire village still thought I was the most useless dragon fighter who ever lived, and I was a dumb fifteen year old kid desperate for approval and his father’s affection, so of course I used what I learned from Toothless to cheat my way through Dragon Training.” Hiccup laughed. “I didn’t even want to end up top of the class, I just wanted to make you proud. And it worked; you told me you were proud of me for the first time in my life.”

Stoick bristled. “I’d told you I was proud of you before.”

Hiccup raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? When? I was terrible at fishing, I was terrible at hunting, I had no appreciable battle skills or physical strength and you never paid much attention to anything I did in the forge even though I was actually good at that. Your love _hinged_ on me being good at fighting dragons so that’s what I tried to become.”

That last sentence rung patently untrue, but Stoick couldn’t find the words to refute it.

“I knew that if I told you the truth that it would all come tumbling down. Toothless was my best friend, my _only_ friend, and if you knew about him you’d kill him. You’d disown me. The approval I had wanted for so long would be gone, and then I realized that you would never approve of the person I really was anyway, so I left. And given what’s happened in the last few months you can’t tell me I was wrong to think that.” He dropped his gaze. “I didn’t plan to fake my death. After Astrid caught me as I was trying to leave I had to improvise. I didn’t realize I was subjecting her to years of trauma or that you would spend the next few years blaming her for everything.” He gave Stoick a sharp look. “You’re going to apologize to her for that at some point, you know.”

Hiccup looked away and rolled his shoulders. “After that we traveled. Eventually we came back, started trying to help. Started getting between Vikings and dragons during raids, trying to keep damage and deaths to a minimum on both sides.”

They were both quiet for a long moment. Finally Stoick cleared his throat and tried to find the words. “You let me think you died. You let me mourn you.”

Hiccup didn’t hesitate or look up. “It wasn’t me you were mourning.”

“I _missed_ you!”

“I don’t believe that.” It was the matter-of-fact way Hiccup said it that hurt the most. He said it with no malice; it was not a statement meant to harm. It was just the truth as Hiccup saw it.

“Why would you say that?” Stoick demanded, his voice rising in desperation and anger and some other emotion he couldn’t describe. His chest ached. His son had been the dearest thing in the world to him, and now here the boy was telling him that he simply didn’t believe that.

Again, no hesitation. “You found out I was alive again but not who you thought I was and promptly disowned me, banished me, captured and imprisoned me, and then charged me and my wife with crimes that carry a punishment of death. Yeah, I feel the love.” Hiccup glared at him. “Whoever you loved, whoever you missed, it wasn’t me. I wasn’t the son you wanted then and I’m not now. Whatever you want to call what you felt for me then and whatever you feel for me now, you can’t call it love and you sure as hell can’t call it unconditional.”

Stoick wanted to tell him he was wrong, but the words stuck in his mouth. Hiccup wasn’t wrong, not completely. But…that wasn’t…he wasn’t…Hiccup just didn’t _understand_ that he…oh gods… Quietly, Stoick managed, “That moment, when I saw you were alive…my world turned upside down. I felt hope for the first time in years.” He took a shaky breath. “And then you destroyed it. The things you said, the things I realized you’d done; none of that was you. None of that was Hiccup. And it was like losing you all over again. I thought, that’s not my son.”

None of this seemed to make an impact on Hiccup. “Exactly,” he said firmly, his glare unchanged. “You found out who I was, who I really was, who I’d been when I left this island, and it was enough to make you decide I wasn’t your son!”

“Only because you were acting like a villain!”

 “A villain?” Hiccup asked, scoffing. “I’ve spent the last couple of years losing my mind trying to protect the entire Barbaric Archipelago. I’ve been drinking myself to death from the stress of it all, only for the entirety of Viking kind to decide I’m the _villain_.” Hiccup sighed in exasperation. “I’m just trying to protect people _and_ dragons. Why does that make me the enemy?”

Stoick frowned. “Because you’re not just trying to protect our people! You’re trying to protect _them!_ The dragons are the _enemy_ , and you’re worried about protecting them. Everything they’ve done to us for 300 years, and you want to protect _them_?”

Hiccup ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. “Look, okay, I keep trying to tell you, they don’t raid us because they’re inherently evil and want to cause us misery. They just do it because they have to.”

“That’s how survival works, so if it’s their survival or ours—“

“No, no, just… _listen_ , please?”

Stoick settled back in his chair and tried to reign in his temper. There was so much he couldn’t get Hiccup to understand…but, he supposed there were just as many things _he_ hadn’t tried to understand, either. Hiccup took a deep breath. “They have a queen, like a queen bee only for dragons. She’s much bigger than the biggest dragon you’ve ever seen. Enormous. We don’t even know how big, I’ve only seen her head and it’s massive. And _she’s_ certainly not tameable. I guess it’s because she’s their queen or whatever, but she can…control them, I guess. The food they steal, they don’t even eat it themselves. Dragons mostly eat fish or hunt wild game for their own food. They raid us in order to bring food back to her. And if it’s not enough she eats them, instead.” Hiccup closed his eyes and shook his head. “It’s awful. They’re scared of her, but they don’t just serve her out of fear. She has some kind of control over them. She can make them do things or something. I don’t know exactly how it works, because she can’t control them completely, but it’s enough for them to obey her. And I don’t know, it could be mostly fear or some kind of biological imperative to obey their queen, I don’t know. But if she’s not in the picture, dragons are perfectly fine. It’s only once she steps in that things get nasty.”

Stoick rubbed his chin in thought. “I suppose it sounds possible.” He sighed. “Say I believe you, that there’s this giant evil dragon-controlling dragon at their nest; what do you propose we do?”

Hiccup’s chains clanked as he leaned back in his seat. “That’s the big question. I thought maybe I could gain the queen’s trust like I gained Toothless’s, but she’s not like other dragons. Dragons that big can live for centuries; I think after so many years of lazing around and being fed by her underlings she’s gotten lazy and selfish. I’ve seen other nests. Other ‘queens’. They’re _supposed_ to protect and provide for the dragons of their nests. This queen doesn’t do that. She makes her dragons hunt for her.”

Stoick let that sink in. He combed his fingers through his beard. If Hiccup and Astrid had managed to tame and befriend the dragons they rode, then there must be _something_ to what the boy had to say. “So if what you say is true, then the real problem is the dragon’s queen.”

“Yes.” Hiccup looked somewhat relieved. “The dragons themselves are generally friendly as long as they aren’t being threatened.”

“So if we kill the queen, we eliminate the dragon problem?”

Hiccup shifted in his seat. “Well, I guess, yeah.”

“So then it’s settled.” Stoick put back on his helmet and nodded. “We sail to the nest, kill the queen, and then if nothing else, the dragon attacks won’t be as bad.”

Hiccup was frowning now. “Dad, you can’t kill the queen.”

Stoick raised a bushy eyebrow. “And why not? Even you just said she’s evil. You can’t seriously want to protect _that_ dragon too?”

Hiccup shook his head. “It’s not that. Dad, you haven’t seen that thing. It isn’t like anything you’ve ever faced before. You can’t fight something like that and win.”

Stoick scoffed. “Hiccup, I’ve been fighting dragons since I was half your size; there’s not a dragon alive I can’t fight and win. We’ll take every able-bodied warrior in the village, plus Eret and his trappers. An army should be more than enough to take down one dragon.”

Hiccup was still shaking his head, the lines on his forehead getting deeper and more pronounced. “Dad, this isn’t just any dragon, you seriously can’t fight this. If we’re gonna beat this thing, we have to be smart about it. This isn’t a rock you can bang your head against and crack it. This is going to take way more than brute force.”

“I’ve gotten awfully far with brute force,” Stoick countered. “Just because you don’t want a dragon to get hurt—“

“That is not at _all_ what this is about—“

“Doesn’t mean that you can stand between our village and the best way to end this war!” Stoick pulled a map of the archipelago from his belt and spread it out on the table. He grabbed a pencil from a nearby table and tossed it towards Hiccup. “Now, nest. Location. Now.”

Hiccup hung his head and heaved a sigh. “You just don’t get it,” he said, eyes closed and shoulders slumped. When he looked back up at his father Stoick felt the boy looked older than his years. “I won’t tell you where the nest is. Not if you’re going to run headlong into a plan that’ll get you and everyone else killed.” And then he leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “If you’re gonna do this then you have to be smarter about it than that.”

Stoick glared. “Fine. Keep protecting them.” He stood and swept the map and pencil off the table before dropping back into his own chair and mirroring Hiccup’s crossed arms. Silence overtook the room again. Stoick just didn’t understand. Did Hiccup not know who he was talking to? Did he not know what Stoick had achieved in his life? How many dragons he had killed? How many battles he had won? And Hiccup refused to lead them to the one dragon whose death could end the war? Stoick huffed. Perhaps the boy was more concerned about the safety of the dragons after their leader was no longer incentivizing them to protect themselves.

Stoick finally pushed the matter out of his mind and forced his gaze back onto his son.

“There’s one other matter to discuss,” he grumbled, and Hiccup met his eyes.

“Which is?”

“The matter of succession.” Hiccup straightened up in his seat.

“Oh?”

“Snotlout doesn’t want to be chief.” He watched Hiccup’s eyebrows rise.

“He doesn’t?”

“No.” Stoick rubbed at his eyes. “He can’t get up the nerve to tell his father but he did get the nerve to tell me. He says he’s not cut out for the job. And…well, the reason he was in line for the throne was because we all thought you were dead.”

Hiccup was frowning again, his mouth slightly open in confusion. “Uh-huh.”

Stoick gave him a sharp look. “As far as I’m concerned, you’ve not proven yourself worthy to be my heir.”

Hiccup’s frown deepened. “Okay.”

“But,” and here Stoick had to run his hand over his beard again. “If Astrid really is pregnant, with the legitimate child of my son, then…” Stoick blew air out through his lips. “Then her child will be the heir. I was hoping to retire sooner rather than later, but, if I have to wait a while longer for a suitable heir then I suppose I can.”

Hiccup’s frown was melting into something like pleasant surprise. “You’re willing to make my child your heir?”

“Your child rightfully would be,” Stoick stated, glaring at a crack in the table. “I don’t know who you are anymore. Maybe I never did. But there’s hope I can get it right with this one, I suppose.”

Hiccup looked less pleased with this statement. “Right. Because gods know you completely fucked it up with me. Hell, maybe you’ll actually like this one.”

And Hiccup’s face momentarily betrayed enough genuine disappointment that Stoick was about to correct him, but Hiccup cut in by shaking his chains. “Can I go back to my cell now? I’m not telling you where the nest is, and I think we’ve established that I’m never going to be the son you wanted, so I guess we’re done here.”

Hiccup refused to meet his eye, and after a long moment where Stoick’s chest ached so much he could scarcely breathe, he nodded and said, “Aye. I guess we are.” He stood and banged on the table twice, alerting the men outside to come and collect their prisoner. As Hiccup was leaving the room Stoick caught sight of the map on the floor, and the mist-covered areas beyond Helheim’s Gate. “And Hiccup?” The boy looked back at him. “Astrid better be telling the truth.”

Xx

Stoick sat alone in that room for a long time after Hiccup had left.

His son believed he never loved him.

His only son, the only thing left of his wife, the dearest thing to him in the world--even now, even after everything--believed that he had never been loved by his father.

Stoick buried his face in his hands.  He’d always tried to protect his people. He’d always tried to protect Hiccup. And now Hiccup, uncooperative, sarcastic, stubborn, every-bit-his-son Hiccup, held the key to ending the war and saving his people, and seemed completely unwilling to use it. He _had_ to protect his people. He _wanted_ to protect his son.

But what if…for the greater good, he couldn’t protect both?


	36. Fault Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a couple weeks late. I spent the last weeks working a lot and then being too exhausted to do anything when I got home, and then got sick, and one weekend was mine and my boyfriend's one year anniversary so there's been a lot going on, and I had to revamp this chapter a bit so it wasn't as simple as just pushing publish.
> 
> So Merry Christmas, to those who celebrate it, Happy Everything else to everyone, Happy New Year, yada yada, for Christmas this year you all get some stubborn Vikings and some bad decisions!

“So,” Gobber drawled, sitting down next to him in the mostly empty Hall. “I hear things with Hiccup went about as well as they always do.”

Stoick continued to stare into his mug of ale. He didn’t much care for the taste and could barely drink enough to even dull his senses but he hoped it would at least help him sleep that night. “Hiccup thinks I never loved him.”

Gobber winced. “Now, I’m sure Hiccup couldn’t feel _that_ extremely about--”

“He told me so.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.”

“He used those exact words.”

Gobber was silent for a moment. “He’s…he’s had a rough few years from the sound of it. I think he’s had time to twist things in his own mind.”

“Gobber, was I a bad father?”

Gobber choked on his mead. “Thor, going right for the guts, aren’t you? Eh…” He scratched his mustache. “How honest of an answer do you want here?”

Stoick gave him a hard look and Gobber nodded and sighed. “Look, my ole Mum always used to say that all parents screwed their kids up in some way or another.”

“Heh,” Stoick managed a humorless chuckle. “And how badly did I screw up my son?”

Gobber heaved a sigh again. “Stoick, you had a difficult time with that boy, there’s no denying. He was always different and gods know you two could never understand each other enough to hold a conversation. And as someone who helped you raise Hiccup I know better than anyone that he wasn’t the easiest kid to raise. I tried to act as a buffer when I could but both of you were good at talking but not as good at listening, especially to each other.” He rolled his eyes. “That’s one thing that definitely hasn’t changed.” Stoick narrowed his eyes and Gobber moved on. “You two couldn’t seem to talk to each other without yelling, if you could talk at all.”

Stoick nodded at the tabletop. “You’re right. I was too hard on him.”

There was a bark of laughter that drew Stoick’s attention back to his friend. “Too hard on him?” Gobber laughed again. “If anything, you weren’t hard enough!”

Stoick frowned. “But you just said—“

“I said you two did a lot of yelling, and you did. There was a lot of talk but not a lot of action or progress or backing any of it up.”

“I don’t follow.”

Gobber sighed. “How many times did Hiccup disobey you in some way that led to a catastrophic mess or mass destruction of the village?”

“More times than I can count.”

Gobber nodded. “And how many of those times did you make _him_ clean up the mess?”

Stoick paused. “Him clean up the mess? As in Hiccup?”

“Yes. If Hiccup made a mess, who cleaned it up?”

Stoick leaned back in his seat. “I suppose it usually fell to me, since I’m the chief, or you, occasionally, although with bigger things we had to bring on more help, so—“

“So not Hiccup, basically.” Stoick stopped talking and stared at Gobber. He stumbled over his words for a moment.

“Well, I suppose usually, yes, not Hiccup.”

“Not usually? Never, you mean. You _never_ made that boy clean up after himself.” Gobber shook his head and took a swig from his mug. “You were overprotective of Hiccup, understandable since you lost his mother, but you coddled him. Tried to keep him out of trouble, but did nothing to punish him when he got into trouble. He was the most irresponsible, undisciplined child I ever saw.” He pointed a mug-hand at Stoick’s nose. “And when you finally did lose your patience and punish him for something, it’s no wonder he saw that as an overreaction, whether you were too heavy-handed or not. And you’ve got to remember,” he fixed Stoick with a kind but serious stare, “Hiccup has had nearly five years of what sounds like mostly isolation to twist his memories of his childhood. Parenting aside, he didn’t have it easy. Everyone saw him as a nuisance and treated him as such, but I think he’s downplayed in his own mind how much of his own fault it was that he ever was such a nuisance.” He frowned. “What was it Astrid said one time, ‘He’s never where he should be.’ That’s it. Never could do as he was told and stay out of trouble.” Gobber contemplated his mug for a moment. “Actually if anything has changed for the better I’d say Hiccup’s learned some discipline and responsibility over the years.”

Stoick let all this sink in. “So your point is that I was a bad father.”

Gobber rolled his eyes. “You were an imperfect man raising an imperfect child. You were both stubborn as all hell and like I said, neither of you ever knew how to talk to each other. You never knew what to do with that boy. You just let him keep getting in trouble without consequences. The boy actually responds to those. Still does. But you tried. That’s all any parent can do. And you were on your own for most of it.”

“That’s what I really don’t understand,” Stoick said quietly. “Dragons killed his mother. He grew up without a mother because of those creatures. And yet he still defends them.” He gave his friend a pleading look. “What kind of man defends creatures that killed his mother?”

To his surprise, Gobber didn’t react to this. He merely shrugged. “Well that’s exactly it, isn’t it?”

“I don’t follow.”

“Stoick, he never knew his mother. He never knew what it was like to have a mother. He had you and he had me, but he never really even had a maternal presence in his life. I know Hertha nursed him for a while after we lost Valka, and she helped look after him as much as she could, but she had Snotlout to take care of too. And besides that, you and she were never close, even as children, I guess because you were so much older. And like everyone else she assumed you would remarry at some point and give Hiccup a new mother, so she didn’t want to bond too much with him.”

Stoick shook his head. “How is this any argument against what I was saying?”

“Hiccup never knew his mother,” Gobber repeated. “He has no idea what it is like to even _have_ a mother. He has no concept of that whatsoever. He grew up knowing he didn’t have a mother but with nothing personal to compare it to that loss was always abstract. You and I knew Valka. We lost a person. Hiccup lost an idea.”

“The loss wasn’t personal to him,” Stoick began, putting it together in his head. Gobber nodded.

“He doesn’t have that personal grief coloring his judgment; probably made it a lot easier to see past the dragons as murderous beasties and look for other qualities in them.”

“So what do I do, make the loss personal for him?”

Gobber shook his head. “No, no, no; there’s no point in that. Getting hung up on the past is half the problem. Negotiating things now is the priority. And that can’t happen if you two keep doing that thing where you wind up shouting and then refuse to talk to each other anymore.”

“That still doesn’t tell me what I _should_ do, Gobber,” Stoick groaned, rubbing his eyes. “What do I do? How do I get through to him?”

“How does he get through to you?”

Stoick rolled his eyes. “Gobber can you just help me?”

“You want me to come mediate?”

“I can handle my own son.”

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

“ _Gobber._ ”

Gobber sighed. Stoick noted that Gobber looked about as tired as he felt. “You know I’ve heard that only diamonds can cut other diamonds. I’ve heard the yelling. You and Hiccup talking is like watching two diamonds slamming into each other. Neither one of you wants to give in. The way I figure it, you two keep talking, keep slamming two diamonds into each other for long enough, one of them is going to crack. Maybe both of them are.” He shrugged and stood. “Especially if one of you hits a fault line.”

“That doesn’t sound like a very optimistic outcome.”

Gobber gave him a wry smile. “Maybe not. But what do you expect from me? I’m not that much older or wiser than you.”

Xx

Astrid stared at her feet and hoped her nerves weren’t as obvious as they felt. She’d never been more conflicted over results in her life. On the one hand, she wasn’t ready for a child yet. She’d be bringing it into multiple fronts of pure chaos. On the other hand, if she wasn’t pregnant, there was a strong chance she could die, especially since things between Hiccup and his father continued to end badly.

Gothi had kicked everyone else out of the hut and now plodded around the room, tending to various cooking herbal remedies and checking on her different tests. She’d asked Astrid how late she was, and not knowing what exactly to say Astrid had said approximately six weeks. That sounded reasonable to her; late enough for there not to be much question as to why she was so late, but early enough she could claim that it was too early to show obvious signs. Astrid had no idea how early pregnancy could be detected by Gothi’s methods. In hindsight she should have asked Ruffnut; it would have been a far better usage of their time together than gossiping about Hiccup’s abilities in bed. But Astrid still wasn’t certain how much she could trust her former friend. Everything was so uncertain now; she couldn’t risk placing her loyalty in anyone other than Hiccup just yet.

Gothi’s tests were fairly simple. They had included a physical examination, a number of questions, and urinating on a small number of plants. Now all Astrid had to do was wait in agonizing silence and indecision.

Gothi stilled, staring at a small pot of barley oats. She sighed, and banged her staff twice on the floor. Astrid’s heart started pounding as Stoick and Gobber filed in. She tried not to look at either of them. Gothi joined them in the center of the room.

“So?” Stoick asked gruffly.

For a long moment Gothi just stared at Astrid with an intensity she could _feel_ tangibly as the manacles chafing her wrists. Then, she scribbled her answer in the dust on the floor. Astrid’s heart sank. She could understand the old crone’s scribbles well enough to get the gist of it.

“Well,” Gobber hedged, “She says she can’t prove Astrid pregnant, but it’s too soon to rule it out entirely. It may well just be too early to tell. If Astrid is as late as she claims then it’s very likely.”

Stoick was frowning. “I see.”

Gothi frowned, and then smacked Stoick’s shoulder with her staff before pointing it at her message again. She tapped the end of it next to one phrase in particular, glaring the chief down all the while.

If her stomach wasn’t twisting into knots out of fear, Astrid would have been impressed at how much Gothi’s station allowed her to do to the chief without fear of retaliation.

Stoick’s frown only deepened. “I said, I see.” Gothi tapped more insistently at her message, but Stoick’s expression did not change. “Have her taken back to her cell, and keep her health monitored. We’ll know if she’s lying soon enough.” And he turned and stomped out of the hut. Gobber glanced at Astrid.

“I’ll see what I can do, lass.” Then he hurried after his chief.

The door closed behind them before Astrid could say a word in her own defense. In the ensuing quiet, Astrid heard Gothi sigh. She tapped again at her message on the floor.

“I’m not lying,” Astrid tried, wondering if it was even worth it anymore.

Gothi stared at her for a moment, then bent down and smoothed the dirt over her message and began a new one. When she finished, she tapped at that one to get Astrid’s attention.

_I’m trying. I won’t let them hurt you again._

Astrid did not feel reassured. Tears filled her eyes and she glared at the old woman. It seemed like everyone kept telling her they _wanted_ to help, but never in any way that meant anything.

“Then you should have just lied.”

Xx

Stoick stormed into the small chamber, his fist clenched at his sides. Hiccup sat up straighter in the chair he’d been waiting in, looking at his father in anticipation. Stoick slammed the map down in front of his son and the charcoal pencil with it.

“Nest. Now.”

“Uh…” Hiccup looked from the map to his father. “So, what did Gothi say?”

Stoick glared at him. “What do you think she said?”

Hiccup visibly gulped. “Well, I’d say I know but the way you’re acting--”

“She’s not definitely pregnant but it also could just be too soon to tell,” Stoick recited, far too lightly, as he circled the table. He scoffed. “Too soon to tell. I know what that means. Do you want to make this easier on all of us and just tell me the truth now?”

“Dad, I don’t know what you mean. I mean, as late as Astrid is--”

“As late as she _says_ she is,” Stoick interrupted, still stomping round and round the table. He paused in his pacing to glare at his son. “I’m no fool, Hiccup. Pleading the belly is one of the oldest defenses there is. Of course you’d try to use it.”

“Dad—“

“How many lies have there been, Hiccup? Why should I believe this? I don’t know what I can trust from you anymore.” Stoick kept pacing. The spinning room matched the spinning in his head; in a way it was almost therapeutic. “So just tell me.

“Dad, can you just, slow down? Listen to me, please?”

Stoick stopped. “Listen to you. Listen to you?” He fixed Hiccup with a fierce stare. “Why, are you finally going to start telling me the truth?”

“Dad, I’ve never told you anything but the truth—“

“Hiccup, don’t even,” Stoick cut in. “How many times did you lie to me over the years? How many times did you say that you’d shot down a dragon? Hm?” Hiccup faltered at that. “How many search parties did I put together and send off hunting through the woods in search of a dragon you never hit while you sat there claiming you _really actually_ hit something? ‘Oh, maybe it just fell into the ocean!’ or ‘Oh, surely over the next ridge!’ You say I never listen but Hiccup, how many resources did I waste on your lies _before_ I stopped listening?” Hiccup’s eyes had dropped to his lap. “If I didn’t believe you when you claimed to have shot down a Night Fury, it was only because I knew better than to fall for another one of your lies. You’d cried wolf so many times is it any wonder I didn’t believe you? And Thor, Hiccup, did you ever bring up that dragon ever again?”

Hiccup’s brow furrowed. “How could I? The one time I tried you told me I had to start learning to fight dragons.”

“Had to?” Stoick asked incredulously. “You mean I _let_ you learn to fight dragons. You told me you couldn’t fight dragons and I thought, Odin above, he’s finally learning. Of course you couldn’t fight dragons. Everyone knew that. I knew that. I wouldn’t let you out because I didn’t want you to get yourself killed. And because every time you disobeyed me and _tried_ to fight dragons, you’d wind up destroying half the village! And _still,_ you _begged_ me to let you fight dragons. You begged _Gobber_ to let you fight dragons. And when I finally let you fight dragons, what did you say to me? ‘I don’t want to fight dragons.’ Gods.” Stoick dropped his face into his hands and rubbed and his eyes. “Odin’s beard, I hope Astrid really is pregnant, if for no other reason than to one day see you deal with an ungrateful child who changes their mind out of the Thordamned blue the second you give them what they’ve been begging after for years.”

He looked at his son again. “You had ample opportunity to tell the truth. If not to me, then to Gobber, or even Astrid. But did you ever tell me the truth?”

Hiccup squirmed in his seat, glaring at the tabletop. Gods, it was like dealing with a surly teenager all over again. “Would you have listened to me if I did?”

“Maybe. Who can say since you never even tried.”

“I never felt like I could. I never felt like you’d listen or believe me if I did.”

“Well I’m listening now.”

Hiccup looked up sharply. “Are you? Because it sure feels like I’m arguing with a wall.”

Stoick collapsed into his chair, trying to rub the growing headache out from behind his eyes. “The feeling is fairly mutual, Hiccup.” He sighed and looked at his son. “This isn’t how I want things to go. If you and Astrid aren’t traitors, if you still care about this village, then cooperate.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “Dad, you cannot go up against what is in that nest and _live_.”

Not this again. Stoick closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “No dragon is a match for an army. And maybe if the mighty Dragon Master might lend us his expertise we’d stand a better chance once we reach the nest. But first you have to tell me where it is!”

“I am not telling you where the nest is, not without a plan, not until you _listen_ to--”

“Hiccup if you tell me where the damn nest is, then I’ll spare Astrid’s life.”

“What?”

The single, strangled word caught Stoick’s attention. Hiccup was sitting up now, staring at him wide eyed.

“What do you mean spare her life? She could be pregnant, you wouldn’t—“

“She _might_ be pregnant, _maybe_ ,” Stoick growled, firmly planting his hands on the table. “If you’ve—if you’ve…been with her like a man with his wife then of course she _might be_.” Stoick felt his heart rate picking up again. Why couldn’t Hiccup make this simple? Why couldn’t he just cooperate? Just tell the truth? “But we all know the truth will come out soon enough if she isn’t.”

“So you’ll kill her for the paltry sin of lying about being pregnant? What the hell kind of—“

“I sacrificed a girl’s life to save this village before, Hiccup,” Stoick boomed. He didn’t want to kill Astrid. Whether she was pregnant or not, he saw no true reason to put her to death. There had been enough bloodshed. But their one hope of ending the war was finding the nest and killing the queen, and Hiccup stood between them and that goal. Consequences, like Gobber said. Hiccup responded to consequences. Perhaps with anger or desperation, but he responded to consequences. “If threatening her life is what it takes to get you to tell me where the nest is so I can save my people, then so be it!”

Hiccup stared at him, his mouth agape, completely at a loss. “You wouldn’t,” was all he seemed able to manage. Stoick stood. It made his chest ache to see Hiccup hurting, but this was about more than his son. This was about all of Berk. For the sake of his people, he had to find that nest. Even if they couldn’t kill the beast, as Hiccup claimed, (and was that the truth or did Hiccup just not want a dragon hurt? Who could say for sure anymore where his loyalties lay?) surely they could drive it away from its nest. Away from Berk. And they’d stand a better chance if Hiccup could help in the battle, but Stoick wasn’t sure if he could trust Hiccup to help or not. He didn’t know for sure what he could trust from Hiccup. Hiccup didn’t trust him. His own son…

Stoick squared his shoulders. He had to be strong. Had to get this information at any cost. Hard to come up with a plan without knowing where they were going. He could mend his relationship with his son once there was peace.

Gods, he just wished he didn’t have to break his son’s heart to do it.

“And if she really is pregnant, then fine. I’ll move on to that dragon you cared more about than your own people, than your own father!”

“Dad, no!” Hiccup was on his feet now, the chains on his wrists and ankles clanging together. “You can’t do this! Astrid has done nothing wrong; she hasn’t committed treason, she hasn’t hurt anyone or anything except your pride! And neither has Toothless! You can’t hurt them, either one of them!”

Stoick narrowed his eyes. “You seem awfully concerned about Astrid’s safety.” He straightened up and shrugged. “If she really is pregnant than there’s no reason to be worried, is there?”

Hiccup’s moment of panicked hesitation was all the confirmation Stoick needed. He pounded his fist on the map. “If you want to save the girl, or the dragon, then prove to me whose side you’re on. Tell me where to find the nest.”

Hiccup’s lower lip trembled. “Dad,” he began, but Stoick only pounded on the map again.

“No. I don’t know how much of what you’ve told me is truth and how much is lies anymore, Hiccup. So prove it. If there really is a dragon queen, then show me where she is. Prove that the dragons are peaceful without her.”

He glared intently at his son, and watched as the young man’s face began to twist in pain. “Dad,” he tried again, his voice cracking and tears coming to his eyes, “Please, you don’t know what you’re asking me to do. I _can’t_ tell you where the nest is.”

“Then unless she’s truly not lying, Astrid dies. Or that dragon.”

The look of desperation on Hiccup’s face morphed into something else. There were still tears spilling onto his cheeks, but his glare brought something like anger or betrayal into his face as well. His whole body was trembling now. “Dad, _please_. How could you even…you keep saying you loved me once. You keep _saying_ you missed me, that you _mourned_ me. You keep trying to claim that I am or was your son and you loved me.” His voice cracked and he choked back a sob that almost eroded Stoick’s resolve. He steeled himself. He could not be swayed by tears. “Astrid is _everything_ to me. Toothless and I share a bond I can’t even begin to explain. Please, if you still see me as anything close to your son, if you love me, if you have _ever_ loved me, if you ever loved my mother,” Hiccup pleaded, “then please, _please_ , don’t hurt them.” His voice shook. “Dad, please.”

Stoick gripped the table to keep from shaking. He had never seen Hiccup like this. It broke his heart but everything in his head reminded him that this was just proof he had struck the right nerve. The right fault line. Hiccup would tell him what he needed to know.

“If you want to save them, you know what to do.” Stoick straightened up and turned his back on Hiccup to avoid watching the young man collapse into his chair, small half-sobs tapering into whimpers, and then into silence. Stoick had never seen Hiccup cry before, not since he was a very small child. Stoick’s hands clenched into fists again. He had to do this. If Hiccup was telling the truth, then the one way to save his village and end the war was to take the nest, and only Hiccup could help him find it. Astrid likely knew it as well, but she would not be shaken by threats against her own life, and she knew Stoick would not follow through on threats against Hiccup. Threats against the dragons, maybe, but the weakest link was likely Hiccup. The one with the most knowledge was Hiccup. If this was what it took to save his people, then—

“Mom’s alive.”

The words came so quietly Stoick was unsure for a moment if he’d heard them. He turned to stare at Hiccup, who was slumped in his chair staring at the map. “What did you say?” he breathed.

Hiccup looked up at him with red eyes and a tear-stained face. “Mom’s alive,” he said again, louder. “The dragon that took her didn’t kill her. It just thought she belonged somewhere else. She’s spent the last twenty years living among dragons. Saving them, protecting them, taking care of them.”

Stoick felt his whole body begin to shake with anger. “How…how dare…”

Hiccup turned the map over and picked up the pencil. He leaned over the parchment and began to sketch something Stoick couldn’t quite see. “She never came back because she felt she didn’t belong, and she thought we would be better off without her. We’ve had lots of fights about it. She and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things.”

“How dare you try to bring her into—“

“I didn’t know I had her eyes,” Hiccup interrupted. “I thought they were a darker, greener version of yours but they’re closer to hers. And I guess she’s where I get my cheekbones.” His arm shifted and for a moment Stoick caught a glimpse of a portrait in progress. “You never told me how warm her voice is, but when she’s happy it sounds like, like pouring honey. And when she laughs she puts her hand over her stomach. She still can’t cook. I don’t know how she’s lived this long on half-cooked fish. Or burned fish. Twenty years and she still can’t cook. But she’ll hum your song sometimes, usually when she’s cooking. I don’t know if she even knows she does it. And I didn’t know she could sing so well.” And then, to add to Stoick’s shock, Hiccup began to hum a few bars of that old song. That old song that had only been played a handful of times on this island since Valka was taken from it. “I guess I get my clumsiness from her too, although she’s really only clumsy when she’s nervous. I’ve never seen anyone that graceful on the back of a dragon.” Hiccup leaned closer to his drawing, frowning at a detail he was trying to get just right. “She smells like…spices. Warm and earthy and comforting, but…like spices.”

Hiccup leaned back from his drawing and surveyed it. “She wants to stay out of the war between dragons and Vikings. She thinks Vikings won’t ever change. She thinks _you_ won’t ever change. I can’t decide whether or not she’s right.” He spun the parchment around and pushed it towards Stoick, who nearly fell to his knees.

Rough, gestural, and quickly done, but undeniably Valka. More wrinkles around the eyes than he remembered, more definition to the cheekbones as well. Hair filled in dark but with light wisps where what he guessed was gray had started at her temples. A smile no other portrait of her had ever captured. Hair braided just the same as it had always been, except maybe messier.

There had never been a portrait of Valka done that showed this much detail. No one had ever or could ever have described Valka to Hiccup with enough detail for him to produce such a perfect likeness.

Stoick felt tears building in his own eyes now. He looked from the perfect sketch of his long-lost wife to their child. “How…”

“She found me. Or we found each other. I haven’t talked to her in a while; we had kind of a falling out. But I know where she is, and how to find her.” Hiccup looked down at the drawing of his mother. “Maybe I can’t get through to you, but maybe she can. I didn’t want to bring her into this. I thought it was better to respect her wishes, but…I can’t tell you how to find the nest, but I can tell you where to find her.” Hiccup gave him a hard look. “I don’t know if I can protect Astrid and Toothless, but of the two of them Astrid has a better chance. So here’s the deal: I tell you how to find the woman you loved, and in return, you promise not to lay a hand on the woman I love.”

Stoick fell, still shaking, into the chair behind him. He knew Hiccup wasn’t lying about this. There were too many things about Valka he couldn’t know without having met her. “Where?”

Hiccup flipped the map over. “Promise not to lay a hand on Astrid, or on Toothless if Astrid really is pregnant, and I’ll tell you.”

Stoick nodded. “You’ll tell me where the nest is one day, but tell me this…and Astrid is safe.”

Hiccup held his gaze for a long moment, and then he nodded back, and looked down at the map.

“Do you have one that shows further north?”

Xx


End file.
